HAVE BEEN ROTATING Y7 ARAKAWA IN RGGO ARAKAWA'S DRIP IN MY MIND FOR AEONS YOU SEE THE VISION....................

Listen. I think. I think it would work. I think we could've still won. The physics probably would've been a pain, but if I think about it as an echo of the red iin his costuming in the play at the start, and link it back to how the plot of the play comes to represent part of his life, it would [unintelligible]

But no for real, the sliver you can see of the snakeskin on Jo and the fact it's the lightest thing you can see on his whole outfit feels purposeful. It's still incredibly funny to me that whole thing was treated as a twist at all. But.

And the progression on account of the timeskip is sick too from a symbolic perspective. It's things like the 2019 tie having the exact same pattern as in 2000, but it's also now the only real color in his entire ensemble, the purple from his shirt relegated to the tie and the pink completely gone. Hanging on to the past (although I guess this is more RGGJo's thing), forcing his "self" into a smaller and smaller space, that kind of thing. If we go with Sololiquy for a moment, maybe there's also something there about things being livelier when Ichi was around, for better or worse.

All the leather is ostensibly much more luxurious, befitting of his rise in status, but it's also burying him further in these additional layers of security. The gloves DO pull it together, and they also leave him basically completely covered-up from head to toe, which I can't help find fascinating.

So, you know, he looks sick with the gloves on, but there's also a different Flavor when recognizing he had them on the first battle when he was hiding so much from Ichi, but in the second battle, where he hopes to come clean, he's bare-handed ("Ichi-vision" notwithstanding).

And I think it's also worth recognizing that the gloves would've offered some protection when he went to grab the blade, but he grabs it anyway in his bare hand. With the amount of force you apply when you swing a blade and it actually connects, that'd hurt him just as bad, but it shows he's past the point of caring about what happens to him even before he says so. (I still think we should've probably seen his hand cut and bleeding when out of Ichi-vision, but y'know.)

Much to think about...

NO I SEE YOUR VISION I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING they could've done that.... true the physics would've been a pain but I think we can trade some of the effort that went into The Bread and put it towards the scarf and coat.....

The evolution of Jo's outfit in conjunction with the surrounding environment and circumstances really is mad interesting, and as someone who really enjoys 'storytelling' (idk if that's the exact word rn but i aint ever been good with words in the first place) through character design/wardrobe. Any note I coulda said you've already said for me, yet I still wish I had some more words to express how much I love the changes in his outfit and how it reflects himself and the story at that particular point 😷

“I” before “We”

Module 2 introduced me to some of the famous and infamous names in Psychology including Erikson and Freud. With evolving and contrasting views and theories on identity and development, I could only conclude that identity is dynamic and unique to the person which is why it is so difficult to explain or understand in less theoretical terms. Nonetheless, each has taught me something about myself and about those around me. 

In Freud’s psychodynamic perspective, he emphasizes the three structures of personality: id, ego, and superego and occurrence of development in sequential psychosexual stages. With the impetus of all his writing supporting psychoanalysis, all these simply reveal that we are motivated by hidden and unconscious thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. This was the most memorable and relevant learning to me, aside from the obvious fascination or more accurately disturbance to his ideas on infantile sexuality and the Oedipus complex. This idea of the unconscious leaking out elsewhere when repressed was hauntingly but also accurately portrayed in “Ghosts in the Nursery” which used two case studies to prove that the occurrence of repression of emotion and identification only continues the cycle of childhood trauma and abuse. One of these defense mechanisms, repression, was so accurate that it seemed to be mocking me. I even found myself muttering “lol, me” in class. As someone who has never had an “id” personality, my conflicts tend to be between the ego and the superego. Obeying my perfectionist personality, the superego always seems to win out. Again, I am no stranger to the defense mechanism of repression, and I have used it to the point where I have harmed my own mental health. Enter my intrapsychic conflict: asking for help. With my ego telling me that it is okay to be humble and accept that I cannot carry the burden of pain and past traumas alone and my superego telling me I have to conform to the notion of perfection I have where I have to hide pain and not burden others with it, I always seem to repress any negative emotion I have. I’ve done this since I was a little kid, never telling my parents about a bully in school, how I felt when my my mom had a miscarriage, and even recently when I have intrusions about the day I found out my boyfriend took his own life. When it comes to the latter, I admit that sometimes I still have to push these thoughts to the dark just so I can function normally in school and smile. Freudian psychology begged me to look deep and see that I was identifying with my parents who never talked to me about pain or problems even though they could never shield it from me. I saw that I was trapped in a cycle of silence and “you’ll get over it eventually.” All of this pain that I have been uncovering and releasing in therapy has been a relief and made me understand a lot about myself, the most clear being that I’m a “tagasalo” and have this need to fix everyone before I can even feel anything for myself. Looking at the person I am now, although such can be considered as a facet of kindness, this approach to life and problems has harmed me and come to the point where I have hurt others. Recognizing this cycle, I want to be able to say “it ends with me” because I now know how important it is to not let it get to the point where your mind festers and the black dog resides. Reminding myself that it is ok to feel and that something will blossom out of my vulnerability, I vow to go easy on myself first and then other people too as they are also hurting and healing from traumas that they keep in the dark and disguise with defense mechanisms. 

Erikson’s psychosocial perspective, on the other hand, stresses the ego and the eight stages of development where there is a crisis that must be resolved in order to learn a new trait. Here, I could not help but be in awe of the accuracy of how Erikson described the stage I believe myself to be in which is the identity vs role confusion/fidelty stage. He completely understands the thirst, the incessant questions, the strong opinions, the sparks of inspiration, and the noisy confusion that teenage life is married with. I am currently testing the worldviews and causes that I have previously identified with and introjected and selecting which is a best fit for me to create a version of myself that is “based on but more than or different from the sum of these individual parts.” I think the latter is a beautiful metaphor, almost suggesting that we are like a painting or sculpture touched by many but ultimately portraying a unique picture with previous and clumsy markings covered by new ones. I’m the type of person who likes to have a plan for everything, but with all that has happened I am finding that my plan went off track and that is okay because I am still finding myself. It is okay that I ended up in a different college than I expected because of the circumstance and it is okay if I am still feeling out. It’s okay if I don’t end up finishing this course and taking Psychology instead, and it’s okay if I try out a completely different path. I feel like I’ve always been in such a rush to grow up and have always put myself down for falling short and staying in this period of not knowing what I want yet. I know now that I should look at this period with grace and excitement as it will prepare me and bring me closer to the version of “I” that is prepared to shift to a “we”. After this stage is intimacy vs love/isolation where Erikson defined intimacy as the ability to fuse identities with someone without fearing the loss of a part of ourselves. I’ll always remember this. I honestly wish I had been told this before entering a relationship in high school but now I know that I am not yet ready for the type relationship I always wanted. Lastly, to supplement Erikson’s theory James Marcia provided Four Statuses of Identity. Of course, consistent with the psychosocial stage that I am in, I am currently in a psychological moratorium. I am currently testing different views, perspectives, ideas, and identities without making commitments and as I said previously, this status is ok and can delay my progression into succeeding stages because the “I” that emerges will be one that I am proud of and worthy to care for and be a part of a collective “we”. 

Lastly, I will talk about what I have discovered upon self-reflecting beyond the looking glass self and dramaturgy. First, it was difficult and confusing to accept that we do play different roles in our lives. The very notion of such scared me into thinking that I, someone who is very much rooted on the looking glass self and seeks validation from others, could lose myself upon being so invested in a role that I play to simply please others. Nonetheless, I trusted in the affirmation that I made to myself before starting college which is that I have a strong sense of self and others who cannot see the truth, with the ugly, about myself do not deserve that part of me. With that, I think I have set out manageable performances that I take on in life. First is that of a student and a classmate, where I have to be focused, reliable, and studious. Second is that of a daughter and a friend, someone funny, strong, compassionate and now, sad and mopey (wow, they must think I’m a handful). My friends and family are the people who i can be unapologetically me around and knowing that i have people within my reach who accept me for who I am relieves the constant strain to seek validation and praise from everybody else. I resolve to take note of things that I was able to accomplish with pride because it is time that I recognize how I have dealt with the pain and honestly done the impossible while mourning a  loss and feeling like I have lost a great part of myself given his permanent physical absence. 

Inserting this low-budget meme because my blockmates think I’m masungit HAHAHAHA: 

Day 61 (7/31/14): Anacortes, WA | Spokane, WA

Time to start heading east. We began making our way over to Spokane, WA, Justin’s old (short-lived) stomping grounds. Justin had lived in Spokane for a few months about 10 years ago, and since we’d be passing through, he wanted to show me around. On the way, we passed the Wenatchee River where there was a nearby fire. We could see the smoke billowing over the mountaintops. We even saw a log still smoldering. Luckily though, the fire seemed to be fully contained at that point and didn’t cause any delay in our travels.

We drove through Leavenworth, a cute little Bavarian town similar to Solvang, CA. All of the buildings stayed true to the Bavarian theme, even the gas stations. Unfortunately since we were pressed for time and towing our trailer, we couldn’t stop to check out the town. We wish we could have spent some time there.   As we continued heading east, the landscape became barren and dry, not at all how I pictured the state of Washington. It’s interesting how much the terrain can change within a single state. However, we started seeing pine trees again as we approached Spokane. We finally arrived at our RV park after sundown.

  Day 62 (8/1/14): Spokane, WA | Coeur d’Alene, ID

Frank’s Diner

Today is our 2 month anniversary of being on the road! Justin surprised me this morning by taking me for breakfast at Frank’s Diner, a neat restaurant in an old train car in downtown Spokane. While we were waiting to be seated, we happened to meet another couple who is also currently traveling in an RV on an extended road trip. We got to talking about our experiences and swapped funny war stories of being on the road.

When it came time for us to be seated, we ended up being placed at the counter next to our new friends, Mike and Judy. We continued talking over breakfast and learned that they also have a blog about all of their road trips! We exchanged info and plan on keeping in touch. We’ve really enjoyed meeting nice people along the way. By the way, the food was outstanding! I had the Blueberry Muffin French Toast, and Justin had the Spicy Creole Benedict on a grilled biscuit…yum!

Inside Frank’s Diner

Our new friends, Mike & Judy!

Blueberry Muffin French Toast

Spicy Creole Benedict

After breakfast, we headed to the South Hill area. The neighborhoods were great with their tree-lined streets and older brick and craftsman-style houses, many of which had been refurbished. We visited the Japanese Garden and walked the dogs around Manito Park. Next we went back to downtown Spokane where we strolled around Riverfront Park along the Spokane River and took photos of the lovely Spokane Falls from the pedestrian bridges.

The Japanese Garden

Manito Park

The Spokane River at Riverfront Park

Spokane Falls

Then we drove about 30 miles east into Idaho to visit Coeur d’Alene. There was a street fair going on near the lake. We walked around for a bit, but it was about 100 degrees outside, and the black asphalt of the street wasn’t helping.

The Street Fair

Lake Coeur d’Alene

We decided to cool off inside Hudson’s Hamburgers. Multiple people had told us that we had to try their burgers while we were in Coeur d’Alene. When we sat down at the counter, we asked for a menu, but the waitress pointed to a board on the wall saying that was it. The only items listed on the “menu” were Hamburger, Double Hamburger, Cheeseburger, Double Cheeseburger, Egg Sandwich, Ham & Egg Sandwich and Pie.

When I ordered a cheeseburger, and asked for no tomatoes on it (I absolutely despise tomatoes), they said the burgers don’t come with tomatoes or lettuce, just pickles and onions. There were 3 sauces on the counter to choose from: Ketchup, Spicy Ketchup and Spicy Mustard (no regular mustard). There are also no french fries. We then noticed a T-shirt on their wall saying something to the effect of “No fries, no onion rings, no bacon, no avocado, no cheddar cheese, no lettuce, no tomatoes, no shakes, no credit cards, no…, no…, no…” Haha!

Hudson”s Hamburgers

The Cheeseburger

We were taken aback at the simplicity of their menu and it’s items but knew we had to just go with it and at least have a burger. A guy prepares the burger in front of you and hand-cuts the pickles and onions himself. As basic as the burgers were, they were actually pretty good. We’re glad we tried them. It was definitely an interesting experience to say the least. 🙂

  Day 63 (8/2/14): Spokane, WA | Missoula, MT

The past few days had been hectic with traveling and sight-seeing. As we were driving to Montana, I started calling campgrounds to check on their availability for the weekend. We had originally wanted to stay close to Glacier National Park as that was the main point of interest we wanted to see in Montana. However, all the nearby campgrounds were already completely booked. Luckily, we found a campground in Missoula with one back-in site left. It wasn’t our first choice for places to stay, but unfortunately, it was the only option available. We had only backed in to a couple sites before and prefer pull-throughs as they’re much easier to get in and out of.

When we got to the campground, we were disappointed (as was Saucy) to find that the grass at the sites was dead. Also, the back-in site they gave us was extremely short and narrow with trees on both sides. We did a 50-point turn trying to get the trailer into the site, but the trees were blocking our entrance door as well as our slide on the other side. After more maneuvering plus help from a neighbor, we finally got the trailer situated. However, there was no room to park our truck at the site, so we had to park it across the way in a field (don’t ask).

After being stuck with such an awful campsite, we wanted to book our next several campgrounds in advance to avoid unavailability. When we went to research future campgrounds though, we discovered that the WiFi service at our current site was practically non-existent and unusable. We ended up having to drive down the street to a Starbucks to use their WiFi. Definitely not ideal. Luckily though we were able to find our next campground, which was a huge relief.  Also, there was a nice sunset that evening with a red sun.

  Day 64 (8/3/14): Glacier National Park | West Glacier, MT

We reserved today for Glacier National Park, and it’s a good thing we did because we spent the entire day at the park. There was so much to see! There are no words to accurately describe the pure beauty of Glacier National Park. To be honest, I wasn’t really a fan of Montana until Glacier National Park. Montana, you’ve won me over! Also, Montana has been the first place so far to match up with my idea of it. The landscape of most states have been completely different from what I imagined them to be, but Montana was true to my imagination.

Flathead Lake

More of the lake (it was huge!)

On the way from Missoula though, we drove through Polson where we were pulled over by a police officer next to Flathead Lake. Apparently we were speeding but were completely unaware that the speed limit had gradually decreased from 70 mph all the way down to 35 mph as we approached the town. The last speed limit sign we had seen was for 45 mph (we must have missed the 35 mph sign), so we were going 51 mph. Luckily though, the police officer was really nice. When we told him it was our first time driving through Polson heading to Glacier National Park for the day, he let us go with just a warning. Thank you, Mr. Police Officer!!! We promise we’ve paid much better attention to the speed limit signs since then!

Lake McDonald

We continued driving and passed through the quaint town of Kalispell. After entering Glacier National Park at the Apgar Visitor Center, we were driving next to Lake McDonald. There wasn’t a good view of the lake from the road as the roadside was heavily wooded. We weren’t too impressed initially but decided to pull over anyway to try to get a better close-up view of the lake. Thank goodness we did! Once we reached the shoreline of the lake, we were astonished at how crystal clear the water was! We could see every single pebble in the lake!

The beautifully clear lake begged us to take a dip in it. With no bathing suits though, we were only able to put our bare feet in the water. It felt freeing…and painful. The pebbles were not easy (or comfortable) to walk on. Haha! It was still incredible though to be able to stand in a glacial lake. With a beautiful mountain backdrop, Justin skipped pebbles across the lake as I watched from the shore. If we had had some lounge chairs, I think we could have stayed there all day gazing at the beautiful lake and it’s pebble-covered floor.

Lake McDonald

Skipping Rocks

My feet are actually in the water, but you can’t tell because of how clear the water is!

We finally tore ourselves away from the lake and continued driving until we came across the impressive McDonald Falls. You can hike right up to the falls where the water is incredibly blue. I’ve decided that when we settle down after this trip, I want at least one wall in our next place to be painted the same shade of teal as the water of the falls to remind me of their beauty. Next, we made our way up the Going-to-the-Sun Road. The climbing road is extremely narrow at times (especially for a truck) with steep drop-offs on the side. I don’t do well driving in those conditions, but the gorgeous views made the nerve-wracking experience worth it, almost making me forget how treacherous the drive was.

McDonald Falls

We saw Heavens Peak with it’s shimmering snow and icy ridges glistening in the sunlight. Next, we came to one of my favorite sights in the park: Haystack Creek Falls (it’s difficult to decide on a single favorite place in the park as everything is unbelievably scenic). The falls seem to flow directly out of the mountain and cascade under the road through a bridge where they continue down the hillside. It’s such an incredible sight as you’re driving along the road, turn a corner and see it ahead in the distance.

Heavens Peak

Haystack Creek Falls

Later in the day, we eventually reached Logan Pass, the highest point on the Going-to-the-Sun Road at 6,646 feet. Near the Visitors Center are lovely views of surrounding mountains and meadows. From there, we went to the Jackson Glacier Overlook where we got a clear view of the glacier. Of the remaining 25 glaciers in the park, Jackson Glacier is the seventh largest. After stopping to see the glacier, we continued driving until we reached the end of the Going-to-the-Sun Road at the Saint Mary Visitor Center.

Logan Pass

Jackson Glacier

On the way back, we pulled over at Bird Woman Falls, another waterfall right on the side of the road where we witnessed a rainbow at the base of the fall. We also stopped at the Mountain Goat Research Area where we got up close and personal with some wild mountain goats! What an incredible day! Out of all the National Parks and National Monuments we’ve seen so far, Glacier National Park has been my favorite.

Bird Woman Falls

Wild Mountain Goats!

Days 61-64: Washington, Idaho & Montana Day 61 (7/31/14): Anacortes, WA | Spokane, WA Time to start heading east. We began making our way over to Spokane, WA, Justin's old (short-lived) stomping grounds.