#it's after 4am and I havent read this one back bc I just wanted to get it done and out so it might be a little messy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yaminerua · 8 months

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Had to rush this one to get it out after a busy day today kept me from being able to get started on it sooner.

Day 3's prompt was Attack and I had a little fun with it;;;

As always the Smegtober prompt list is by @a-literal-toaster-wtf

Every now and then there's gotta be something that breaks the monotony of life on Red Dwarf.

Words: 3928

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Life on board Red Dwarf was pretty uneventful these days. The ship was quiet and dead, devoid of the hustle and bustle that used to permeate every last corridor. Gone were the days of sucking up to superiors in the hope of advancing up the ziggurat. There were no superiors anymore – no Frank Todhunter to submit endless complaint reports to about Lister, no Captain Hollister to salute elaborately in front of in the hopes that sheer enthusiasm and dedication would be enough to secure a promotion. There was just about no-one at all, save of course, infuriatingly, for one David Lister, Third Technician – the last living human being, presumably in the entire universe. What a joke that was.

With only Lister as the single lazy, disobedient subordinate beneath him on a ladder that now only had two rungs left, and the only other life form on board being a bizarre humanoid Cat person who kept largely to himself and could hardly be counted on to give a smeg about anything beyond his own personal appearance, the ship was practically being left to run itself.

Sure, Rimmer tried to maintain some sense of discipline and order but with no-one around who actually respected his authority he was largely stuck ordering the skutters around and making demands of the ship’s increasingly absent-minded computer.

In spite of the futility of it all, he was just happy to have some sense of routine he could stick to, a sense of purpose beyond supposedly being ‘entertainment’ for Lister’s sanity’s sake. He mourned the living, breathing corporeal body he had lost 3 million years ago, of course, and the prospects of advancement and attaining officership that had died with him but at the same time there was a small part of him that was at least a little bit relieved to have an excuse not to have to keep trying to sit exams on subjects he couldn’t understand. You couldn’t fail if you couldn’t pick up the pen to sit the exam in the first place, right?

Being a hologram meant that technically he didn’t really need sleep, certainly not in the natural way a living body would need it, but a routine was a routine and even if he didn’t need it, it was good to be able to switch off for a bit and rest before another day of bossing around whoever would listen dawned. That was what he was doing now, lying as he was on the bottom bunk of the old grey bunk room, listening to the maddening sounds of Lister’s snoring emanating from the bunk above.

If he had had solid legs to kick with he would have given the underside of Lister’s bunk a good hard thump and shouted for him to shut the smeg up but in truth it wouldn’t have achieved much. Lister always started snoring again anyway.

He groaned, wishing fervently that he could even bury his head with a pillow to muffle the noise but that again would have required a body that could interact with its surroundings. Arnold Rimmer didn’t have that luxury anymore.

He tried to distract himself with something – anything – to try to help him drift off to sleep and had just about found a method that was beginning to actually work when the little screen on the wall above the washbasin suddenly lit up and the perpetually impassive face of the ship’s computer flickered into view.

“Emergency. There’s an emergency going on,” Holly announced flatly, as though it was the most boring, unimportant news ever, and then waited a beat. “It’s still going on.”

Rimmer’s eyes snapped open and he jerked immediately upright so violently his head momentarily phased disturbingly through the underside of the bunk above. Correcting his position, he swiftly swung his legs round off the bed and turned to stare bewildered and alarmed up at the screen.

“What!?” he cried, already feeling the creeping claws of panic begin to close in around his chest. “What is it? What’s going on?”

Holly regarded him with the same misplaced bored disinterest with which he approached most things.

“It’s an emergency, Arnold,” he said.

“Yes I know that you gimboid!” Rimmer snapped, not at all in the mood for Holly’s impassive, deadpan lack of urgency. “What kind of emergency?”

If Holly had been offended by the insult, he made no attempt to show it.

“A rogue ship has appeared,” he explained simply. “Probably want to loot us for everything we’ve got. They’ve fired a few test shots at us already.”

“Fired a few shots!?” Rimmer echoed, horrified, leaping fully to his feet. “We’re under attack!?”

“That’s usually what being shot at implies isn’t it?”

“Smegging hell…” He dragged his fingers through the tight brown curls of his hair and turned frantically to look at the top bunk to see how Lister was taking the news only to find that its occupant was still sleeping soundly, utterly oblivious to the situation. “Lister!” he hissed, and then when that inevitably had no effect, he leaned in closer and shouted. “Lister, wake up you moron! We’re under attack!”

Lister jerked awake suddenly at the noise, almost toppling straight out of the bunk in surprise before he managed to catch himself just in time. He blinked groggily, confused, and dragged a hand tiredly across his face, peeling one eye open to squint unappreciatively at Rimmer. “Huh? What?” he said intelligently and Rimmer could only roll his eyes in response.

“Some help you are in a crisis…” he muttered, incredulous with exasperation, before leaning forwards to hiss urgently into Lister’s sleep-crumpled face. “Get this through your tiny little brain: We – are – under – attack!”

It took only a moment longer for Rimmer’s words to sink in but when they did, almost instantly Lister snapped to attention, leaping off the top bunk with an athleticism that did not match his physique and fixing Holly with a look of alarm that now perfectly matched Rimmer’s.

“Under attack? Holly ‘s this true?” he asked, grabbing his jacket from where he’d tossed it earlier in the night and pulling it on hurriedly over his bare arms.

Holly nodded solemnly on the screen. “Sure is, Dave, but I’m managing it for now,” he said, a self-satisfied tone of confidence detectable in his voice. “Shields will only hold out for so long though, mind you. Not what they used to be after 3 million years.”

“What are they? More humans?” he asked, curious and hopeful even as he anticipated the more likely response.

“Don’t know,” Holly supplied helpfully. “They didn’t respond to any transmissions I sent out. Maybe not interested in a friendly handshake. Best guess would be rogue droids or something.”

“Or aliens,” Rimmer added, nodding vigorously. “Hostile aliens that’ve come to do weird things to the lot of us.”

Holly regarded him for a moment before nodding along slowly. “Yeah,” he said flatly. “Or that.”

Lister dragged a disbelieving hand across his hair, tangling his fingers in the base of his locs at the back and tugging anxiously. “Smeg…” he breathed helplessly, unsure of his next move. “What can we do? Can we outrun them? Can we fight back?”

Beside him Rimmer clicked his tongue and let out a short, curt, humourless bark of a laugh. “Lister, this is a mining ship not a battle cruiser. How could we possibly hope to fight back? I say we try to lose them somehow. Give them the slip.”

Lister shot him a dubious look and smiled sarcastically. “Oh yeah. Ship the size of a massive city floating through deep space. An easy thing to hide, Rimmer.”

Rimmer’s nostrils flared in indignation and he put one hand on his hip and the gestured expectantly at Lister with the other. “Well do you have any better ideas, dog breath?”

Lister frowned and sucked in his lips, tapping the end of one of his locs against his chin repeatedly. His eyes were darting all around the room rapidly, his mind racing to come up with something but nothing particularly helpful was coming to mind. With no better suggestions forthcoming he conceded that at least for now, Rimmer’s suggestion was better than nothing.

“Can we outspeed them, Hol?”

Holly inclined his head in what was probably intended to be a non-committal shrug. “Well, it’s worth a try, I s’pose. Mind you, I’m not too good with multitasking these days. It’s hard work maintaining the shields and diverting enough power to the thrusters at the same time. Might not cope.”

“Well, it’s all we’ve got so get on with it!” Rimmer snapped, impatient, his entire hologrammatic form feeling like it was about to glitch out from the stress of the situation.

If there was anything that could be done to get this whole mess over with as soon as possible – preferably in a way that did not result in having themselves scattered across the vast expanse of space – he didn’t want to be wasting any more time with useless chit-chat. If the shields really were at risk of imminent failure then time was absolutely of the essence.

Holly didn’t seem to be getting the memo, however. He seemed quite content to sit right where he was and explain in detail the difficulty involved in trying to perform two powerful, energy-draining commands at once whilst also maintaining the rest of Red Dwarf’s vital operational systems, as if there wasn’t currently a major situation taking place that needed dealt with.

“Look,” Lister groaned, aggravated, cutting in before Rimmer could open his mouth to let the inevitable argument ensue. “Let’s just hurry down to the Drive Room and see if there’s anything we can do in there. Maybe we can take some of the strain off Holly by doin’ it manually.”

“You’re a lifesaver, Dave,” Holly said, nodding appreciatively.

“No problem, Hol,” Lister said, waving a hand in acknowledgement as he made his way swiftly out of the room. “Let’s go, Rimmer.”

Rimmer stared stupidly after him, utterly dumbfounded. He didn’t seem to agree with Holly’s assessment of Lister’s capability at all. “What, we’re putting our lives in your hands?” he cried, hurrying after him, gesticulating wildly at the ridiculousness of the situation before pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers and scrunching up his face. “God, we’re doomed.”

Lister sat himself down at one of the control panels and fixed him with a tired, unamused frown.

“Are you gonna stand there complaining or are you gonna do somethin’ to help me out then?”

“What do you expect me to do?” Rimmer cried, holding his arms out and gesturing broadly, pointedly, to himself. “I’m a hologram! I can’t exactly push buttons and flip switches anymore can I?”

“Smeg…” Lister groaned, pressing his fingers into his temple and rubbing irritably. He didn’t have time for Rimmer’s snippy sarcasm right now. There would be plenty of opportunities for him to take offense at Lister forgetting the one little detail of his hologrammatic status later when their lives weren’t at stake. What mattered right now, in the meantime, was actually getting there.

“Right,” he said, defeated, seeing no other alternative option. “Go get the Cat. We need all the hands we can get.”

“The Cat?” Rimmer all but spat derisively, unhelpfully, in response. “What good’s that git going to do? He won’t listen to either of us.”

“He will if he thinks his wardrobe’s about to get blasted to bits.”

Rimmer had to admit he couldn’t argue with that logic. The Cat was a fickle, self-absorbed creature even at the best of times but if he could be relied on for one thing it would be self-preservation (and by extension the preservation of his clothes) and right now, for once, perhaps that would work to their advantage.

“Fine,” Rimmer huffed reluctantly, turning on his heel to hurry off down the corridor. “Anything to get this over with.”

Lister shook his head as he watched him go and then swivelled round on the chair, turning his attention back to the confusing array of screens and buttons before him, each one more incomprehensible than the one before it.

He squinted, perplexed, at one screen in particular before glancing at another and then back to the first again, brows knitting together in a frown. Something was odd.

“Where are they, Hol?” he asked, tapping a few buttons to try to adjust the readouts on one of the screens. “I can’t see anything. Nothin’s showin’ up on the scanners.”

“Well, they’re using a cloaking device of some kind, aren’t they?” Holly replied stolidly and matter-of-factly, as though it was a perfectly obvious answer. “Gone invisible. Don’t worry, though, I’ve got ‘em.”

The furrowed crease in Lister’s brow only deepened further as he continued to frown down at the console, casting his gaze repeatedly across the energy output data displayed on a small screen to his right.

“I don’t see any power readings for shields or anything else on these screens either…”

“Well, you wouldn’t would you? I’m taking care of all that so you don’t have to.”

Lister straightened up a little in his set, little seeds of doubt sprouting in his mind as he recalled something Rimmer had said earlier about Red Dwarf’s combat capabilities (or lack thereof). Something wasn’t adding up here.

“Hang on,” he said slowly, taking one long final sweeping glance at all the screens in front of him, the beginnings of a knowing yet exhausted smile starting to tug upwards on the corners of his lips. “Red Dwarf doesn’t have any shields does it? This is a load of old tot isn’t it, Hol?”

Holly blinked, an affronted frown creasing his face. “You what?”

The grin blossomed further across Lister’s face as he fixed Holly with a simultaneously amused and accusatory look. “This is another joke,” he said, this time with absolute certainty. “You’re playing us for fools again!”

Holly’s usually impassive features crumpled into something that looked positively scandalised. “I resent that accusation, Dave,” he said, offended. “I’m a highly intelligent supercomputer, utterly dedicated to the wellbeing of my crew and the running of the—”

“It’s true though isn’t it?” Lister cut him off, mouth splitting open now in a toothy, gerbil-like grin, the brown of his eyes twinkling in triumph.

He watched, victorious, as a look of defeated realisation flashed across Holly’s eyes and he knew then for sure that he had him read like an open book.

Holly dropped the offended act and his mouth quirked upwards into in impish, conspiratorial smile, how own eyes positively gleaming with mischief.

“I had you there for a minute though, didn’t I?”

“Smegging hell, Holly,” Lister breathed, dropping his head back onto the chair and letting out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a ragged sigh of relief, his whole body growing limp and heavy where he sat, all of that wound up tension and anxiety draining out of him in a sudden rush leaving him feeling thoroughly exhausted. “You nearly gave me a heart attack. What’d you go and do that for?”

“Well it’s a laugh innit?” came the simple deadpan reply.

He laughed in spite of himself, dragging the back of his hand across his forehead and fighting the urge to let himself fully devolve into hysterics. The absurd reality of the situation was sinking in and the ridiculousness of it all was making him feel oddly giddy.

“I’m 3 for 3 now,” Holly went on, sounding very pleased with himself. “An absolute king of japes, I am. No-one can touch me. I am without a doubt the undisputed, undefeated prankster prince.”

Lister simply shook his head and grinned, fully beside himself with disbelief at this point and absolutely not prepared in the slightest for the fallout this was likely to cause.

“Man, Rimmer’s gonna go absolutely spare when he finds out…”

As if right on cue, the hurried, aggravated tones of one Arnold Rimmer came echoing back down the hallway, accompanied by the unmistakable clacking of heeled boots on metal flooring and before long he rounded the corner looking thoroughly harassed, followed closely behind by the Cat, dressed in a fancy satin dressing gown, the decorative sleep mask he’d been wearing pushed up over his forehead, exaggerating the depth of his unamused frown.

“Alright, Lister,” Rimmer said, straightening up and placing his hands on his hips. “I brought the Cat, now what’s happening?”

“This better be worth it!” the Cat snapped petulantly, reaffixing the belt around middle and shooting Rimmer an unappreciative glare. “I was in the middle of an incredible dream! It had stringy things and pretty cat girls and everything!”

“Will you for once try giving a single solitary smeg about something other than yourself?” Rimmer hissed through gritted teeth and before the Cat could open his mouth to make a response Lister waved the both of them quiet.

“It’s alright, guys, you can calm down. Everythin’s fine.”

Rimmer blinked down at him, bemused. “What?” he asked, looking searchingly round at the surrounding screens as though they might stand a better chance at providing him an explanation. “Why? What’s happened? Did we lose them?”

Lister shook his head. “No.”

“No? Then wh—”

“It was a prank.”

“A pr—” Rimmer started, not comprehending and then he faltered altogether.

There was a beat, then, probably no more than a few seconds in length, during which the weight of Lister’s words slowly sank in to Rimmer’s stunned, utterly stupefied mind but when they finally did the resultant expected eruption was absolutely earth shattering.

“A PRANK!?” he bellowed, eyes bulging and nostrils flaring, the hands at his hips curling into tight, white-knuckled fists and bracing themselves furiously at his sides. “This was all just a prank!?”

“Yeah,” Lister said simply, unaffected by the outburst, inclining his head towards Holly’s display monitor. “Another one of Holly’s classic japes. There is no ship, he just made it up.”

Another beat, and then:

“WHAT!?”

Rimmer looked positively wild with anger, as though he was at risk of popping a vein at any moment. His face had darkened and his jaw was set so tight that any other man might have crushed his own teeth to dust from the pressure his whole body was brimming with.

He whipped his head round to scowl furiously at Holly’s inane, smiling face, his own contorted expression absolutely incandescent with rage. “Is this true?”

“Well, it’s a bit of entertainment, isn’t it? You have to admit things get pretty quiet round here most of the time. Can’t blame me for wanting to have a bit of fun every now and then.”

Rimmer was reaching apoplectic levels of rage by now. He didn’t know what to say. For the last several frantic moments he had been practically vibrating with panic, fearful for his life (or what amounted to one for him these days) and now he was being told it was all just a joke, just another deeply unfunny prank being played on them all by the world’s most deadpan sadist.

“You— You—!” he struggled uselessly to string together enough coherent words to formulate an insult before ultimately giving it up as a bad job. There simply wasn’t an insult specific enough to cover this.

He breathed out roughly, in one long, ragged, forceful breath and then he brought a hand up to massage the bridge of his nose and tried to will the anger to subside before it made him too dizzy to stand. “I really hate you sometimes, Holly…” he said eventually in a small, exhausted, utterly defeated voice. “I really, really do.”

Throughout all of this, as Rimmer progressed rapidly through the several stages of processing this whole mess, the Cat stood to the side shaking his head in disbelief and rolling his eyes.

“You mean to tell me you fools woke me up from my beauty sleep over some silly prank? I thought there was supposed to be an actual emergency! Now I gotta start my sleeping routine all over again! That is the last time I ever take orders from Goalpost-Head over here.”

With that, he turned promptly on his heel and made his way out, leaving Lister alone with a thoroughly despondent Rimmer who had by now sunk down shakily into a nearby chair and dropped his head in his hands.

“I don’t believe this,” he muttered into his palms, voice coming out muffled and muted. “I’m trapped on a floating rust bucket in the middle of deep space surrounded by children… If Hell exists this must be what it’s like…”

Lister regarded him with a raised eyebrow and a lop-sided, commiserative smile for a moment, equal parts sympathetic and exasperated. Sure, Holly’s little joke had given them all quite the scare but it wasn’t like he hadn’t pulled something similar before. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for Holly to pull some decidedly unfunny practical joke to keep things interesting every now and again. Regardless of how well it was executed, it certainly staved of the worst of the boredom, of that there was no doubt.

An involuntary yawn ripped its way out of Lister’s mouth and he raised his arms up and arched his back away from the chair, pushing into the stretch. Now that the adrenaline rush from the initial panic had long-since subsided, he was well and truly ready to do nothing more than to clamber back up into his bunk and go back to sleep for a good several hours, and provided no actual emergencies decided to present themselves any time soon that was precisely what he intended to do.

Pushing off tiredly to his feet, he wobbled unsteadily on the spot for a moment before bending down to reach for Rimmer’s shoulder, intending simply to gingerly tap him to get his attention, but when his fingers inevitably passed straight through him instead of connecting with solid matter he jerked his hand back as though he’d been burnt and scowled down at it, inwardly cursing himself once again for forgetting that Rimmer couldn’t be touched. He was still getting used to that it seemed.

“Hey,” he said, opting instead for the only other available method of getting his attention, his voice dropping to something gentle and encouraging. “Let’s go back to sleep, eh?”

Rimmer lifted his head slowly and scowled miserably up at him, his eyes dark and hard, but Lister could see that there wasn’t any real fight left in him. Inclining his head towards the Drive Room exit, he indicated for Rimmer to follow him. “I dunno about you, but I could do with a lie in,” he said half through a second interrupting yawn.

Rimmer rolled his eyes. “You always have a lie in,” he said flatly, straightening up slightly, the faintest beginnings of a sarcastic smile beginning to pull on his lips. “You don’t know how to do anything else.”

Lister threw an impish grin back at him. “Yeah, but I’m thinking of making this one a marathon lie in. See if I can break me old record.”

Rimmer huffed a laugh in spite of himself, in spite of how utterly drained and exhausted he felt, and Lister felt a small warm swell of triumph bloom in his chest at that little victory.

Getting to his feet and following Lister to the exit and out into the corridor that led back to their shared sleeping quarters, Rimmer quietly, privately, conceded that maybe, just maybe, a lie in after all this sounded pretty good right about now.

#it's after 4am and I havent read this one back bc I just wanted to get it done and out so it might be a little messy #smegtober2023 #when this month is all over I'll maybe get round to tidying up some of these if i feel they need it;;

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silenceismychoir · 4 years

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50 questions you've never been asked before

thank you so much for tagging me @silverkasienka and @pomegranatecurses ♡

1. what is the colour of your hair brush? black

2. name of a food you never eat? far too many lmao im incredibly fussy

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? just gave up writing an essay after writing one line but thankfully the class rep got the due date extended to monday and not tomorrow so i can forget about it for a while.

5. what’s your favourite candy bar? i love all so much and my fave changes from day to day lmao but rn my faves are top deck and chocolate log (pretty sure these candy bars arent available everywhere but yeah they're amazing)

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? nope, i was so close to going to one of the cricket test matches in december/january but Life happened lmao

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? i think i said something about how amazing my president is lol

8. what is your favourite ice cream? chocolate

9. what is the last thing you had to drink? dalgona coffee (i can't stop making this these days)

10. do you like your wallet? i guess so lmao

11. what was the last thing you ate? chips

12. did you buy any new clothes last week? nope

13. last sporting event you watched? hmm...the womens t20 wc final? i dont remember anything after that (also damn, that's so long ago adgdkskal)

14. what’s your favourite flavour of popcorn? sweet popcorn or salted popcorn, i cant choose

15. who was the last person you sent a message to? a friend

16. ever go camping? nope, dont think i want to either

17. do you take vitamins? nope

18. do you go to church every sunday? nope, im not christian so that would be kinda strange if i did...

19. do you have a tan? nope, im almost always indoors (quarantine or not lmao)

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza? i dont eat a lot of chinese bc most chinese restaurants arent halal here so i guess pizza

21. do you drink soda with a straw? dont drink soda anymore

22. what colour socks do you wear? any colour?

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? do i ever drive? no.

24. what terrifies you? many things. the future. heights. snakes. looking back at my life with regret. many things.

25. look to your left what do you see? the wall

26. what chore do you hate? the dishes. i dont know how that shit is therapeutic.

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? 5 seconds of summah / the aussie cricket team.

28. what’s your favourite soda? dont have one

29. do you go into fast food places or drive thru? usually fast food places

30. who was the last person you talked to? my sister

31. favourite cut of beef? i dont have one lol. dont really like beef either.

32. last song you listened to? never seen the rain - tones and i

33. last book you read? i was reading No Friend But The Mountains by Behrouz Boochani in december last year but i didnt finish it. the last book i read before that was Educated by Tara Westover

34. can you say the alphabet backwards? i thought i could but i tried now and nope i cant lol

35. how do you like your coffee? black, no sugar.

36. favourite pair of shoes? my boots

37. the time you normally go to bed? 11pm or later

38. the time you normally wake up? depends, it can range from 4am-6am some days and 1pm if i dont have to go to uni

39. what do you prefer sunrise or sunsets? sunsets

40. how many blankets are on your bed? 1 duvet

41. describe your kitchen plates? we have all sorts lmao from plain white to plates with floral patterns on the edges idk im not gonna describe every plate we have lmao

42. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? nope

43. do you play cards? not really

44. what colour is your car? dont have a car

45. can you change a tire? nope

46. your favourite province? this is ... an odd question lmao ... the province i live in? im not american so i could say Gdksodhwk province and yall would have to accept that what im saying is real and true

47. favourite job you’ve had? havent had a job

48. how did you get your biggest scar? my dad was fixing some things around the house and i found a saw that he left lying around and basically cut myself on it on the lateral, distal aspect of my right arm.

49. favourite day of the week? i dont have one?

50. what did you do today that made someone happy? i complimented my sister on the pasta she made which i guess made her happy? she seemed happy?

im gonna tag @talksopretty @calum-uncrowned @wastethen8 @themightyhemmings @myloverboyash @heartbreakgirlisagoodsongcalum @calumhoodaf - only if you want to lovelies!

#tag game #this was fun lolol!

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kinktae · 4 years

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no idea if anyone has said this yet but i feel like kiri only told jk she wanted him to spite y/n and that she has no desire to get back together w him 🤭

bitchin 8 asks because i suck

spring2787 said: Pls tell me my son didn't do that to her in bitchin 8.... Ahhh.. Jeon Jungkook.. You dumb brat... 🥺

Anonymous said: You’re such an amazing writer, like damn you have SO MANY PEOPLE invested in your stories that you now have 1247294 people ganging up on jungkook and forming protection squads for y/n 🤣🤣 I’m so excited for what’s to come !!!!

Anonymous said: Ummmm.... I just binge read all of bitchin and let me tell you that it WAS LITERALLY THE BEST THING IVE EVER READ! I LOVE THE SOCIAL DYNAMICS BETWEEN YN AND JUNGKOOK AND I ESPECIALLY LOVE YARAS PERSONALITY

cheeky-kookie said: Hey bb just me dropping in to give my opinion on the Bitchin' Chapter because I havent done it yet & you know how whipped I am. JK did a big uh-oh and fucked up. Hes confused. Kiri came and it's what he wanted forever. My theory is that it probably didnt feel like what he wanted after the fact and that's why he met up with MC. ALSO, the MC is upset (understandably) but she cant blame him bc she has given him no hint that there could be something there. Overall, good chapter :) Still whipped.

Anonymous said: I "kombucha girl"-ed to y/n telling jk she would never fall for him but I've decided it's what she (bitchin!jk) deserves 😤😤

unknowntalesx said: oh my god that anon went off 😂😂 nd the other anon has a good point! he might be very confused and wanted to see if y/n had feelings but alas the dirty dickin was still dirtyyy, oh meathead, i lovE bitchin

yourdelights said: watching everyone freak out over bitchin makes me very glad that i decided to wait and read it all after it's finished. i'll still end up suffering, i'm sure, but i'll get all the suffering done in one shot. like ripping off a bandaid after wetting it first.

Anonymous said: Lmaooo I'm over here sipping on my tea, waiting for Yara to wear her black latex suit and give little Jungkook a visit.. Honey, you've got a big storm comin 🍵🍵

Anonymous said: I feel like Kiri is going to cheat on him again and THEN he'll finally have the big revelation that oc was the right girl for him all along

Anonymous said: the real question is: is kiri going to use what happened and jk “cheating” on y/n with her to hurt y/n 😶👀

Anonymous said: Lmaooo I'm over here sipping on my tea, waiting for Yara to wear her black latex suit and give little Jungkook a visit.. Honey, you've got a big storm comin 🍵🍵

Anonymous said: I feel like Kiri is going to cheat on him again and THEN he'll finally have the big revelation that oc was the right girl for him all along

Anonymous said: the real question is: is kiri going to use what happened and jk “cheating” on y/n with her to hurt y/n 😶👀

Anonymous said: rose i really hope u know that we want to y/n to have an least a moment with taehyung in this goddamn fic called bitchin

Anonymous said: thank god we just ship y/n with tae in this house right

Anonymous said: we are going to beat jk’s ass after all that shit he did with y/n 😤 meanwhile i wanna say a very important thing: taehyung WOULD NEVER do that lmao bye

Anonymous said: Me after reading about what Jungkook did to OC in bitchin08: I hate to say it, I hope I don’t sound ridiculous, I don’t know who this man is. I mean, he could be walking down the street for little bitches who don’t know how to process their feeling and need to get their shit together before a pissed off best friend come to chop their dicks off because he couldn’t keep it in his pants, and I wouldn’t know a thing. Sorry to this man

anonbebe97me said: Please, for the love of God, update Bitchin’ soon. I literally felt it so bad when he admitted what he did. My entire heart collapsed. I cannot even. Your writing is so good- I genuinely laughed during so many moments in this series and you might be my favorite writer. Seriously, I love you

Anonymous said: bitchin’ is legit the best thing ive ever read

Anonymous said: Same anon who has a (metaphorical) hole in her chest now...This fic is written so beautifully and I feel like I didn’t express that in the previous ask... it’s too good and damn why I did I have to get emotionally attached to these characters because now I’m genuinely Devo 😪 but still looking forward to what comes next (whenever it comes :))

Anonymous said: Damn chapter 8. Of bitchin’...BROUGHT ME TO TEARS. But I know your a great author so I BEG IT WORKS OUT AND THEY GET BACK TOGETHER BECAUSE I AM TOO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED AND THERE IS A HOLE IN MY CHEST FROM THE ANGST OH MY

Anonymous said: So I was putting off Bitchin 8 for a little bit because I didn’t know if I could handle it. I don’t know why a fictional story has me so effed up, but it does. So tonight I read it and OMG now I’m all angsty and upset! Why do you do that to us? Suchhhhh a good fic and amazing writing, but whyyyyyyy must you make us feel this way. This boy needs to get his shit together and just love her already. My heart can’t take it. 🤦🏻‍♀️❤️

madjammil said: I am waiting with bated breath for part 9 of Bitchin'! Part 8 had me all distraught 😭

Anonymous said: Will Y/n fight Jungkook? 🤧😂

cuteipat said: Should I prepare tissues or not?

toomuchdaegu said: art 9 dropping on my birthday, that is very much adequate

sydney--chan said: Your new mobile theme looks really good babie 🥺🥺 I cant wait to get my heart stomped on again during bitchin' 9!!! You're the only person I'll allow to do that to me HEHE hope ur doing well luv u ❤❤❤

wallbitjch said: Bijj stop teasing us 😤😭 huuhu but thankyousomuch ok 😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘💕 bitchin foreva

Anonymous said: fanservice is gonna be yara x tae i KNOW IT

Anonymous said: Fuck Jungkook. Stan Yara.

Anonymous said: YOU MADE ME FALL IN LOVE WITH BITCHIN' KOOKIE OMG until chap 8. 🤡 You nice keep going.

Anonymous said: so, either taeyara shit happens or y/ntae shit happens... bro lowkey kinda wanna have y/ntae just to piss jk the fuck off man like fuck u jungkook

Anonymous said: I can’t wait for this Bitchin update. You better heal my heart. After last time, I shouldn’t trust you, but I’m placing my heart in your hands once again. Don’t hurt me. Jk you’re the best. I love you.

Anonymous said: When I say I'm not ready for pt. 9 of bitchin' I mean, FUCKKKKKKKKK NO I DON'T WANNA CRY STILL CRYING OVER PT. 8 😫

Anonymous said: It's a shame to do this while i'm drunk but i just want you to know that i love you and i will probably Fall asleep when you Will post pt 9 of bitchin' but i really really love the way your posts and your writing make me smile, giggle and dmkdldldldldlldldldldl scream when theres no Word to descrinw how i feel. I love you, please, have a great night know that you maks my heart boom boom 🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜

cheeky-kookie said: I re read Bitchin' 8 and almost cried because Jungkooks heart was breaking slowly I just- Hes an idiot but he cares for MC

Anonymous said: if kiri doesn’t drop dead in this chapter imma take matters into my own hands 😡 also chop off jungkook’s dick, he doesn’t deserve it

paolaa9700 said: Don’t gonna lie, I hate you for making me wait for the new chapter of Bitching until 4am (in my country). But you think I’m gonna stay awake until that hour just for that? Well you are right cause I’m gonna freaking wait. I’m already so nervous oh my god, oh my god! I can’t put in words how nervous and happy Im 😂

Anonymous said: mskjxjsmksksdkdjndlskxjbfbjc i just read pt.8 of bitchin and eye- fuck why did you do that to me? 😭 (also i think i’m new here, but i just want to say i’ve been reading your work for almost an entire year and it never ceases to amaze me! 💗)

tinievmin said: YOUR NEW THEME IS SO CUTE OMG!!! Also, I’m so excited for bitchin’ pt 9 but I’m terRIFIED THAT ILL STILL BE MAD AT JK ))):

rebekahoofblog said: im READY for pt 9, got my reminder SET. bitchin makes me wanna draw jungkook until i pass out boutta make more fanart i love ur writing the most 💞💞have an amazing day

#ask

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mybabbbbee · 5 years

Text

The firsts

First meetup: 7th July 2019. I was pissed off already abt alot of things and didnt at all wanna marry a doctor. Our conversation was very casual. I was the one who talked for the most part.

First time we sat together on one couch: 21st July 19 when it was our baat pakki ki rasm. I tried my best not to touch him.

First time i met him in niqab/on duty: 31st Aug 19 i was in my gynae OT and telling a friend abt how he is in anesthesia nowadays and yikes! There i saw him. He was soo focused on work. So i had to approach him and have a confused conversation. Later worry for 2 days doubting if he liked me or nah.

First gift: 11th Aug 19, we went to their place a day before Eid ul Azha. He had brought gucci perfume for me from Dubai. Mom also gifted him some clothes and a perfume.

First time i heard him play guitar: 11th Aug 19 everyone insisted him to do so. He played alot of songs out of which i knew some. GOT theme song, ab tou aadat si he, bachana were my fav.

First time he held my hand: 24th Aug 19 on our engagement when he held my hand to put the ring on. Lasted for barely 10 seconds and my hands were cold af.

First time he served me food: that too on our engagement. Served me rice.

First time he texted me on my number: 26th Aug 19 i asked aunty for more pictures and he texted me the link. And also asked me to thank ma pa for the watch. Also he made a laughing emoji at the end and i wanted to ask him does he laugh too 😯

First time i added him on snapchat: 28th Aug 19 cuz i was worried he isnt texting me. So he viewed all my stories hehe. And also posted his two days later. He has a score of 65 and i have 44k 🙄

First time i fantasized about him: 4th Sept 19 i was depresses bcs of messed up clg routine so i worked out and took a shower at midnight and afterwards just laid down naked in bed. And then i started thinking abt him and well that was my first orgasm right there.

First time we had a proper conversation: 5th Sept he was sick so i texted to wish him speedy recovery. Dont know if he was in a good mood or if he is always like this. We were talking abt our engagement and he said "tbh there was a lot to compliment" and afterwards he sent me a picture of us and said he liked it. He also asked me to meet him at clg. Not bad right? Couldnt stop smiling the whole time tho.

First time we added each other on facebook: 6th Sept. I set a condition that he'd put an engaged status. I thought he wouldnt but he did. He asked me to do the same too.

First time he made a heart in our conversation: 6th Sept when he called me Ms. SuperSweet. I havent made one yet.

First time he told me he gets horny thinking about me: 8th Sept the day we met and later that night he told me how crazy i make him go. And that he dreamt that we had a little pillow fight and ended up kissing. Gosh its getting hot in here. Also he started making kiss emoji. I havent yet 🤷‍♀️

First call: 15th Sept he was very worried if he'll be able to talk properly or not. It went well. Loved how he laughed.

First sexting: 15th Sept after the call he was soo in the mood so couldnt say no. Felt hot aff. Also had an orgasm.

First time he said 'i love you' on call: 21st Sept when i called him to say goodmorning and he was so caught off guard. And happy. It was a two minute call and i didnt realize he said it untill we dropped it. He said it again later that night.

First time he tagged me in a meme: 21st Sept. It was about money heist.

First time he called from work: 25th Sept. He had to call the night before but he was too tired he fell asleep..i was a lil pissed off so subah he called me from OT, there was some strike going on so he was free..and we talked for like 10 mins. I loved his voice.

First time i heard him having hiccups: 28 Sept we were on call he had a sore throat and then he started having them i made him drink water and distracted him and it worked. We talked for almost three hours.

First time we exchanged some naughty snaps: 1st Oct we were sexting on sc for the first time and i knew i couldnt control myself so i sent him some snaps of me with low neck where he could see my curves. He sent one out of shower too.

First time he snapped me his boner: 5th Oct we got rlly wild, he had two orgasms at night and then i woke him up with a nice bj and he cummed twice again.

First date: 9th oct it was a formal date awkward in the start but turned out to be great. He got me flowers and held the door for me and pulled the chair out, not in the start though but lol it was cute. We talked abt silly things and some serious ones. About making vows to each other. We laughed like mad and took some pictures. He got me gajras in the end and helped me wear them and then he held my hand and we kept it like that till the end. He teased me a lil and gosh it gave me butterflies for a moment. He makes me feel like im perfect, flawless.

First time we held hands: 9th Oct he got me gajras on out way back..then he helped me wear them and held my hand all the way back home..he tease my hand a little and made me crazy. So crazy.

First time we tried call sex: 12th Oct..not entirely though. We just stayed on call and heard each other moan..i felt more closer to him and God it was hot.

First time i wore black with him: 16th Oct it was our second date. He loved the attire, complimented me the whole time.

First song we listened to together: 16th Oct when he was driving me back he played laiyan laiyan and we both were totally in the feels. He said he might play it on our wedding.

First time we made a streak: 16th Oct we decided it on our date

First kiss: 24th Oct we were in car and just madeout for like 10 mins..it was good. Got me wet. Wanted to make his bday special.

First love note: 24th Oct gave him a funny bday card and a note along with it. I hope he likes it.

First birthday celebration: 26th Oct one day after his bday we had a fam dinner after which we cut the cake and i gave him shirts and a perfume.

First time i sat on his lap: 29th Oct he picked me up from a friends place and we were in the backseat making out..i humped against him the whole time.

First time somebody walked in on us: 29th Oct while making out a guard approached us but kher we ran away just in time. He was so concerned id be worried.

First movie we watched together: 30th Oct joker.

First time he felt my boobs from inside my shirt: 30th Oct on our last date before he went to rwp. I felt his cock up too.

First time he gave me a letter: 30th Oct. It was the best day.

First video call: Nov 11. During his 48hr long urology call.

First tcs: 7 Dec. He got his first pay so sent gifts for me.

First time we went shopping: 26 Dec. Got a gift for Abdullah's engagement. And for mama's bday. We both are so easy. Non picky.

First time i made him cum with hj: 26 Dec. He got sooo hot afterwards. He fingered me too.

First event we attended as a couple: 28th Dec. Abdullah's engagement. Although he wasnt there for the most part but i loved how everyone related me to him.

First time he fed me food: 24th Jan 2020 on our nikkah when i wasnt eating and saying i wont unless he makes me..so he did infront of everyone.

First time he gave me a shoulder massage: 24th Jan on our night date hehe

First long drive: 27th Jan had to go to my to be ghar met ammi had a sitting with my mua had lunch then and went back

First halal kissing: felt soooo goood with no guilt. Damnnn i love to kiss him so much. So much sawab loool

First hickey: 27th Jan he got a little hard on me when he was close to his orgasm..and i totally loved it

First time he sucked my nipples: 27th jan 🙈

First grocery shopping: 27th Jan he bought me stuff for my new washroom 😁

First rain date: 27th jan it rained the whole day ❤

First night together: 1st feb after my rukhsati. It was the most magical night and his touch felt soo goood. Sleeping naked with each other and teasing was such a turn on.

First time he served me food: 24th jan on our nikkah hen we were on stage and i couldnt eat bcs of my nails and then he made me.

First time i felt protected with him: 1st feb while our valima shoot was going on and the sun was getting on my face so he stood between me and the sun to put me in shade.

First night at my parents: 2nd feb after our valima. We opened our gifts played ludo and had aloot of fun in bed. Also went to fun city in my desi newly wed clothes.

First meal post-sex: 1st feb he made me a whole plate of biryani at 4am.

First time we ordered food in bed: 4th feb. The burgers were yummm

First time he did my hair: 5th feb while i was getting ready to go downstairs. He just loves side parting.

First time i cried infront of him: 6th feb i just missed my homies so much so i turned away and pretended to sleep and he found out i was crying and became mama bear. It was so good to be in his arms i wont choose another place to be at ever. Then i read their letters while he caressed me all this while.

First time we had real sex: 7th feb just a day before umrah. He was kind of worried he wasnt getting hard enough to go inside so he got some pills and then we did. It was painful for me but i just wanted to get over with this and it was a happy feeling to know we’re finally not virgins.

First oral: 1st feb on our wedding night. Probably the last too

First orgasm: 2nd feb and the following week was full of it

First umra together: 8th feb it was the best time together. How we did tawwaf and saee and made each other recite duas, prayed together, taught him how to bargain,ate alot of yumm food.

First time he made me watch ertugrul: 12th feb

First time he got me jellies: 13th feb while we were going for madinah ziyarat.

First stay away from home: 1st march i went to rwp where he was doing his hj. Got an army mess arranged for me. Stay was great.

First monal date: 3rd march weather was awesome altho he was a little pissed off at me asking to take pictures again and again.

First fight: 3rd march later that night he wanted to have sex but i wasnt wet enough and he started blaming me and saying ive turned him off. It made me cry and confront him abt his behaviour earlier too. He kinda took it seriously and kept saying sorry the whole time and also said “this is the first and the last time i made u cry”. We stayed up till late sharing our thoughts talking abt our future.

First friends hangout: 4th feb his room mate invited us for dinner. Pizza was good everything was until they started talking abt the ex idk why i felt bad. Didnt talk the whole way back.

First bday together: 20th march he gave me a surprise by coming straight from his call for a day.

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starkniall · 7 years

Note

Answer them all haha

do you have a favourite sweater? idk i think it’s more a hoodie than a sweater lmao but yes it’s a disney one, with mickey’s ears and it’s kind of lilac and it’s soft and warm and i love it

what’s your middle name? paola :/

do you still talk to the first person you kissed? if u mean like, a kiss on the lips...i have never done that and i never ever will

do you get on with your grandpa`? i did :( my mom’s father was the best person i’ve ever ever ever met and i miss him so much everyday

what was your favourite cartoon as a kid? rugrats omfkg

what’s your favourite cartoon now? i dont watch them anymore tbh i dont watch tv anymore

do you read the news paper? sometimes, when things happen but it’s not a thing i dutifully do everyday nope

who was the last text you sent to ? my sister

what does the last text you sent say? ‘thanks u asshole’ lmao

if you could have any hair colour what would it be? i dont think i’d ever change my hair color tbh i dont think i’d look good in anything other than black

do you like nature documentaries? yeeeeess

what is your aesthetic? i....dont think i have one tbh....this is a very especific thing but i like concert pics where the artist looks tiny and u can see the crowd and the lights and the stage and it’s in HQ and i can set it up as a wallpaper lmao

when did you last pet a dog? like 2 minutes ago :’)

whose friend’s parents do you like the most? i dont have any friends in real life so i dont know anyone’s parents

have you ever been on a road trip? eehhhh yeah kind of? we used to go to a lil town called ‘anapoima’ and it was a 2 hour trip.....that’s it

tell me about someone you know called emma in real life? u dont find emmas in colombia so idk

are you reading a book in english class, what is it? im not taking an english class like the one you’re probably talking about but i am reading a book, well, re reading tbh, the all for the game series by nora sakavic 10000/10 would recommend

do you have a favourite aunt? yes, sorta, my aunt marta, she used to be my fave and #funfact she was the only one who could get me to sleep when i was a baby but she has her own kids now and we see each other like once a year so yeah idk

baths or showers? i have never in my life taken a bath so i’ll have to go with showers.....also i kind of dont understand how baths work??? do u just....sit there with soapy water??? how do u get the soapy water off??? with a shower??? i dont see the point of baths i have actually never seen a bathtub in my life

skiing or sun bathing? i’ve never done either of those so idk....also i hate the sun bc i get sunburnt in 2 minutes and skiing it’s basically impossible in a city where snow it’s...not a thing....so yeah

do you kill spiders? I WISH I COULD, that sounds mean but i hate spiders i know they are harmless and most of the time they are more scared than i am but i just cant physically get close to a spider, they scare me so fucking much i cant ever kill them so they always run away and i live with the endless anxiety of ‘where are they now? do i have lil baby spiders living with me now?’

have you ever made an ice pop? im not quite sure what an ice pop is so im gonna pretend it’s like...making a paleta so yeah i have

are you wearing shoes right now? nope, just fluffy socks

tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher i didnt have one

who was the last person you hugged? i havent hugged anyone in literal months so i dont remember

do you wear glasses? nope

do you have a cat? nope

do you have a favourite pair of underwear? yep

what was your last tweet? a response to niall’s knee tweet: lmaaaao this is the most me thing ever. did 20 minutes of cardio last tuesday and my knee's achey and swollen. also my hip hurts.

do you still use facebook? ehhh....kind of. to see what my high school ppl are up to i guess

do you like birds? yeah they’re cute

who was the last person you called cute? ......the birds of the question before this one? does that count? if not, probably my dog.

who was the last person that called you cute? idk it was probably years ago

how did you meet your best friend? i dont have a best friend

escalators or elevators? it depends, there are days when elevators give me anxiety so i’d go with stairs then, but there are days my knees hurt a lot so i’d go with elevators then

are you named after anyone, who? nope

what was your first url? horan-nialler lmao

autumn or winter? idk i have never been through those

do you win at scrabble? ....i have never played scrabble

put your ipod on shuffle , who is the first song that comes up by? slow hands by niall horan lmao go listen to it on spotify and buy it on itunes

have you ever drunk from a mason jar? what is a jason bar?

can you draw? i can try

what was your first profile picture?i dont remember lmao

favourite tshirt? dont have one

best tumblr friend? i probably dont have one tbh

when did you last run? in my cardio class last tuesday

do you like to paint your nails? not really

did you ever do something as a kid that got you into loads of trouble? not smth super big that i remember

who is your favourite dog that isn’t yours? i only know by lil baby dog

have you ever been drunk? nope

have you ever done something you regret while drunk? go back to question 50

do you want to kiss anyone right now? nope. never. digusting.

do/did you like you math teacher? nope

do you often ride the bus? e v e r y d a y

do you have a fireplace in your house? nope and if i did i’d move out

are you violent when you’re angry? nope

do you cry when you’re angry? ehhh...nope, i’d have to be way too angry and even then im just quiet

favourite Harry potter book? i havent read the books, just the movies

can you remember your last dream? yep, it was more of a nightmare tbh

do you go to bed early or late? depends if u consider 3-4am late or early

do you speak a second language? yes

who was your first ever best friend? i have never had a best friend

have you ever had an operation? yep, a tooth

tell me about your favourite cousin i dont have one

do you have a piece of clothing that doesn’t even fit you anymore but you can’t bare to throw away? nope

have you ever been in a musical? nope

do you have a porch? nope

how many times have you watched your favourite movie?like 1 million probably

what do you order at mcdonalds? idk how to say this in english so: un combo de cuarto de libra con coca cola sin hielo y papas agrandadas

do you get on with old people? yeah i’d like to think so

science fiction or romance? a romance in a sci fi universe

do you take naps? nope but i wish i could

how many classes do you/did you take in high-school? like 20

when did it last snow where you live? it has never snowed but with the weather as it is i wouldnt be surprised if it started snowing one day bc climate change it’s a real and scary thing

does it ever snow where you live? see question before this one

how many months until your birthday? 2 i think

how much charge does your computer have right now? 100%

what is your favourite disney channel movie? hsm

the city or the sea side? sea side even tho i’ve only seen the sea once in my life

what is your least favourite colour? yellow

do you have homework to do? yes my thesis lmao

are you still friends with your first best friend?

do you have/are you the gay cousin? i am the gay cousin

do you own dungarees? nope, but i did when i was like 10

do you like to play sport? nO

what was your favourite ever christmas present? a polaroid camera

how old are you? 21

what is your mum’s name? angela but in spanish so anhela lmao

do you ever use internet explorer? nope

have you ever had blonde hair? NO

is their a play park near your house? yes but it’s a scary place, u go there, u get mugged

when did you last see the person you have a crush on? i saw niall horan on the 25 of april 2014 (im kidding i dont even have a crush on niall idk what a crush is tbh)

who did you last talk to on the phone? my uncle maybe

pants or dresses? pants

do you read fan fiction? it’s all i do

what is you’re favourite blog? @dailyniall

do you write poetry? nope

drama or comedy? drama, i love angst

have you ever had a hickey? no ew

Your own question that you want me to answer is niall horan coming to colombia on 2018? he fucking better

woooooooooow that was a ride odngkjdfg lmao THANK U that was fun!

#Anonymous

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