You know what? Fuck it. Here's the whole ass WIP script for the Danny Phantom/Ben 10/Deadpool crossover nightmare, which is called #follow ur crossover dreams, by the way. I think copy-pasting on my phone is gonna delete some italics but whatever.

Reminder that it's still a really early draft with a lot I plan on changing (wade Motormouth wilson doesnt say nearly enough bullshit, for starters), but hopefully u will enjoy it. happy birthday to me, my gift is letting myself share ideas without maximum effort

[BEN is running through a crowd of high school students, excitedly. He is on his phone] BEN: C'mon, Gwen, just tell me where to go! I wanna fight some bad guys today! It's been weeks! [GWEN is on a computer] GWEN: Ben, for the last time, you are NOT going into this alone! We aren't even sure what's causing this yet! Seismic activity at this scale is totally unheard of around here, and whatever's causing it-- BEN: Is gonna get it's butt whooped by the one and only Benn Tennyson! BEN: Don't worry, I can totally handle this! GWEN: Yeah, cause things always work out perfectly  when you say that. BEN: Just give me the location, and you can catch up with me there! GWEN: No, Ben. I'll fill you in when we know more, but.until then, don't run off. [BEN is dejectedy watching TV at home, when suddenly, there is another earthquake. Soon after, a newswoman reveals the epicenter just outside of town, and Ben gets an idea] [BEN gets off a public bus at a bus stop far outside of town. He looks out into a dry hilly wilderness, and down to his phone gps to confirm he is going in the right direction.] BEN: all right...I didn't wanna risk timing out before I got there, but I think I'm close enough now... [BEN places his phone gps at his feet, closes his eyes, and slaps the Omnitrix] [BEN transforms into Stinkfly] BEN: Well, I was hoping for XLR8, but I guess I can work with this? [BEN picks up his phonr and flies off] [when he reaches the epicenter BEN finds, embedded into a large hill, an abandoned lab of some sort.] BEN: ooOh [BEN enters the lab, and shortly times out, becoming human again. He sort of tries to sneak, but is clearly too excited/curious to be very effective] [The lab is full of rusting, inscruitable equiptment. Finally, Ben enters a natural cave turned testing area deep inside the lab, a cavernous room machinery littering the floor. There seems to be a fixation on machinery that we would recognize as Danny's parents' portal, but not embedded into a wall, so like a door attatched to a tube. Spare parts and dissasembled prototypes rest along the edges of the room, and a few assembled peices rest towards one end.] [Ben stands on the far south end of the cave, looking around at all of the strange wiring and such.] BEN: I wonder if this is Plumber tech... [BEN kicks a bundle of cords on the floor, and the sound echoes through the room.] [Then, a stranger sound eminates from somewhere just outside of the cavern. And another, similar, closer sound is accompanied by a visible flash. And then-- in a green streak, DANNY bursts into the air in the cavernous space, and then hits the floor and skids. When he stops, he turns human as he falls unconscious] [BEN has no fucking idea what is going on] BEN: uh...h...HEY. ARE YOU...OKAY? DANNY: ... BEN: HELLO? HELO-O? DP: ya think he's dead? BEN: AUGH!!!! [BEN jumps violently, very surprised by Deadpool's presence, and takes a step back] BEN: Who the heck are you?! DP: Call me Deadpool! [BEN gives him a look of utter disbelief. That is the stupidest superhero name he's ever heard. He's about to say that, but then,] DANNY: [groans] DP: [hops down. Puts a hand out, signalling for Ben to stay] Stay here, kid. [Ben is offended to be belittled even if it's reasonable. He stands with an angry look on his face for a moment before following just a few steps behind deadpool, hand at the ready above his watch.] [DP veeery cautiosly walks over to Danny and then....abruptly switches gears, standing up straight and gently bumping the boy's shoulder with his foot] DP: hey. hey. get up. DANNY: five more minutess.... DP: ...7Your mom made pancakes? [DANNY's eyebrows furrow. He groans again. He props himself up, and rubs his head. He's covered in dirt and some blood. He opens his eyes and his expression is full of exhaustion and dread as he processes his unfamiliar surroundings. He looks up at Deadpool] DANNY: ...........I don't smell any pancakes. [DEADPOOL and DANNY stare at eachother for a moment. DANNY seems to be waiting for something. He suddenly looks at BEN, incredulous] DANNY: So are either of you going to attack me, or are we having a staring contest? BEN: I dunno, are YOU going to attack? [DANNY is so tired. He's had a long day] DANNY: I'd prefer not to, but it tends to happen a lot. DP: Well that's depressing! BEN: Well if none of us are fighting, I have a question. BEN: Where'd you two come from? DANNY: Ghost portal. DP: Time travel. BEN: ... BEN: You're not giving me much to work with, here. [BEN points to DANNY] BEN: Especially you. I get time travel, I can live with that-- DP: Thank god. BEN: --But, "ghost portal?" Like a portal for ghosts? Are you dead?? [DP slowly prods Danny with his foot again. Danny is too busy suddenly realizing that he's in human form to be concerned with that] DANNY: I--uh-- BEN: Was that what was up with the green energy? DANNY: Maybe I just went through the ghost portal, ok? I--where are we? BEN: Somewhere on the outskirts of Bellwood, Nevada. DANNY: Nevada? BEN: Nevada DANNY: Huh. DANNY: And why are you here? BEN: [excited to sound smart] There was some unnatural seismic activity around here, and I came to check it out, see if it was anything nefarious. BEN: [cocky] You know, usual superhero stuff. [Danny is a little shocked. He's never really met another superhero before, who wasn't a clone, or accusing Danny of being evil or something] DANNY: oh. BEN: What? DANNY: You're...you're really a superhero? DP: You're like 12 is that safe? [What is the deal with all these young superheroes but say it funnier] BEN: I'm 16!!! DP: Children trying to be superheroes never works out well, trust me kid. BEN: I'm not a child!! Why do you care, huh? DP: Cause I hang out with a lot of superheroes and the heroism business has never done anyone's mental health ANY favors. [DANNY puts his hed in his hands] DANNY: Ugh, tell me about it. BEN: Ha! You AREN'T a normal kid! DANNY: oops. BEN: What can you do?? Do you have GHOST POWERS? [DANNY bites his lip] DANNY: What about you? Do you have powers? BEN: I can turn into any of hundreds of aliens! DANNY: ...care to show me? [BEN looks at the Omnitrix. It's still timed out] BEN: ...in theory... [Danny raises an eyebrow] [meanwhile, Deadpool loses interest. He starts climbing on stuff, looking at the scattered tech.] BEN: Uhhh...can it wait a minute? I just flew here. DANNY: What?? BEN: [gestures to watch, grinning sheepishly] Alien tech! BEN: I swear I'll show you later. What about you! Show me yours! [Deadpool arches an eyebrow at them in the distance] DANNY: ...I guess, since you already guessed it... BEN: What are you so worried about? Ha, haven't you ever met another superhero before? [Ben was sort of kidding, but...] DANNY: BEN: DANNY: Uh, no. Not really. BEN: ...So do you fight bad guys all on your own? DANNY: Uh, yeah? I'm kinda the only person who can. [Reconsiders, and adds with bitterness] Well, the only one who can and will. [Ben thinks about that for a second. He knows how it feels to think you're the only person who can save the world, but Ben is usually wrong when he assumes that's the case. He doesn't like imagining how he'd feel without all the support he's gotten in his hero-ing career. He's genuinely concerned for Danny.] [Danny notices the concern in Ben's expression. Ben seems to be about to say something, but Danny suddenly feels insecure about being pitied. He finally stands up, brushing himself off] DANNY: But like, I have friends, and plenty of tech they can use to help me out. I'm just the only...I guess I'm the only superpowered person willing to deal with fighting ghosts all the time, okay? Whatever! I've been at it for 2 years, I'm used to it. [Ben then adds something together in his head] BEN: Wait, have you never heard of me? Ben 10? DP: Wow! Humble! BEN: No, seriously! Never? Have you ever seen any aliens? DANNY: Uh, no? BEN: Where are you from? DANNY: Colorado. BEN: I've saved the world, like, several times. [DANNY and DP raise an eyebrow each] BEN: Publicly!! People know about me! I'm a big deal!! This is--You guys aren't from here. I need to take you to the Plumbers, so we can-- [A portal powers up again. DANNY seems to suddenly remember something. He goes stiff] DANNY: Oh no. BEN: What? Is that the Ghost Portal? DANNY: Yeah. And you're about to meet the guy who punched me through it. [DP rejoins them to look at the threat] DP: Oh, now that you two have your shit figured out, I should mention I'm from another universe. BEN: WHAT! You said time travel! DP: Yeah, time travel gone horribly, horribly wrong. BEN: How??? I've time travelled a few times and never seen anyine mess it up that bad. DANNY: Yeah since when does time travel take you to other universes? DP: OH SO WE'RE ALL TIME TRAVEL EXPERTS HERE ARE WE??? I'm not telling you two how to live YOUR lives! DP: How about I start bragging about being a superhero expert! Neither of you even know what an X-man *IS!* BEN: Like from the comics? [DP looks at Ben. He won't say it out loud but his expression says "WHAT THE FUCK DUDE"] [BEN shrugs]

[time to get DISJOINTED!!! Here's 2 comic transcripts]

...[some fighting I havent written yet]...

DP: DANNY WHY IS YOUR GHOST DAD SO HOT?? DANNY: HE'S NOT MY DAD. PLEASE DON'T CALL HIM THAT, IT'S A WHOLE *THING* WITH HIM-- [VLAD beams] VLAD: Now, Daniel, is that any way to speak to your father?? DANNY: SEE?! Now he'll never shut up about it! VLAD: I've had enough of your sass, young man! You're GROUNDED. [VLAD spikes Danny into the ground HARD.] [DP is pissed off now. He reaches for his katanas.] DP: Ok I get the picture.

...[more unwritten fighting]...

VLAD: Well, now that I have your undivided attention-- [DANNY has just been punched into the ground. He's sitting up, now] DANNY: --You can start the evil monologue. Joy. VLAD: Evil is such a reductive word. Don't you ever get tired of being beaten half to death to protect people that couldn't care less if you lived or died? [DANNY stands up, with some difficulty] DANNY: You *would* think having a conscience is exhausting. [VLAD is taking a lazy step towards Danny every few moments] VLAD: ...Have you noticed where we are, Daniel? VLAD: Because it isn't Amity Park. It's not even in the same universe as Amity Park. VLAD: And it's not anywhere your idiot father will ever bother finding, seeing as it has nothing whatsoever to do with ghosts. [VLAD is standing over Danny, now] VLAD: Do you know what that means, my boy? VLAD: Nothing I do here can spoil my reputation. VLAD: And none of your little friends are coming to save you. [VLAD places a hand on Danny's shoulder, gripping too tight] VLAD: So VLAD: I'm going to make you the same offer I made you the night of the reunion VLAD: One. Last. Time. VLAD: Either abandon Jack and let me teach you how to really use your powers, [VLAD summons some ghostly energy between his hand and Danny's shoulder] VLAD: Or force me to make poor, dear Maddie file a missing person's report that will never be resolved.

[wow direct segue into comic!]

..[just a tad more unwritten fighting]...

[Vlad has Ben by the neck very far up in the air, and Ben is frantically pressing his Omnitrix] VLAD: [cackles] Goodness, I think your powers might be even more tempermental than Daniel's! It's a little sad, honestly. I was looking forward to a real challenge for once. DP: [on the ground, a distance away] Superpowers shmuperpowers [cocks gun, and fires a couple of shots at Vlad] [Vlad was watching DP talk, unimpressed. He becomes intangible, clearly no longer interested in Ben, allowing him to plummet to his death] [After becoming tangible again, and without breaking eye contact, in a flash of pink energy, Vlad is right in front of Deadpool, and violently pins him to a wall] DP: AWH, you can teleport?! That's not even fair!! VLAD: [close to Deadpools face, crushing his neck harder] No. It isn't. And that's just how I like it. DP: [choking] [thinking] don't say harder daddy don't say harder daddy don't say harder daddy [cut to Ben falling through the air, desperately, repeatedly smacking the Omnitrix] BEN: PLEASE WORK PLEASE WORK PL-- [Danny swoops in and catches him] BEN: [clinging to Danny, obviously spooked but trying to be cool] Thanks! DANNY: [amused] Don't mention it. [Danny puts Ben down on the ground] BEN: Um..where are your legs? DANNY: Oh, they uh...they just do that sometimes. DANNY: Is something wrong with your watch? BEN: [glares at the Omnitrix] It just does this, sometimes. [Danny sees something coming] DANNY: Well you'd better fix it fast! [Ben looks up just as Danny turns them both intangible, seconds before Deadpool is sent hurtling through them and into the ground] [BEN is grinning, watching his hands as they turn re-tangible] BEN: That is SO COOL! I've only ever gotten to do that to myself! Y'know, as an alien! [DANNY was looking at DP's crater, but turns to BEN, surprised at the genuine enthusiasm] DANNY: [maybe blushing a little?] Uh, thanks! [BEN grins at him, and Danny smiles back. They're cute.] [Deadpool's hand pops out of the crater, waving (flailing)...reassuringly?] DP: Don't worry about me, all he did was break [groans] most of my bones. [Danny grabs Ben and pulls him out of the way before Vlad fires an energy blast at Deadpool] VLAD: Still think you can manage without superpowers? [DP sits up painfully and slowly, and coughs] DP: Ac-- [Vlad hits him with a copious amount of energy blasts for an unnecessarily long time as he slowly lowers to the ground] [When Vlad lands and stops firing, he turns around to face Danny and Ben] VLAD: Where were we, Daniel? [Danny is horrified. He's gripping a fistful of Ben's shirt like his life depends on it, expecting to have to save him a third time. Ben is a bit shaken but still determined, and holds his hand at the ready over the Omnitrix] VLAD: ...That was rhetorical, my boy. I had just asked you a very simple question. VLAD: [turning his gaze to Ben] And I don't want to repeat myself. [Ben is not quite picking up on Vlad's thinly veiled threat. Danny, bug-eyed, follows Vlad's gaze to Ben, and is clearly absolutely terrified to be responsible for the deaths of two people he just met. Danny tightens his grip on Ben's shirt.] DANNY: ...I-- [a gunshot hits Vlad from behind. Vlad is completely shocked] [behind him, DEADPOOL is sitting up in the crater, charred to all hell but somehow still alive. He appears to only have one (barely) functioning arm left, which is holding the smoking gun] DP: I never said I didn't have any superpowers, jackass. [DP narrows his eyes] DP: I just like guns. [DP tries to shoot VLAD a few more times, but VLAD has turned intangible, and flies to a safer distance] Vlads gonna say some shit and run off Im not done yet but hoo boy. Oh man.

Sleepover

My slumber was interrupted by the harsh ring of my phone. I slowly opened my eyes to the dark bedroom, slivers of light made their way through the window blinds to the walls. I felt my bedside table for the noise maker and shielded my eyes to the bright light once I picked it up.

“Clearing,” I said in a tired voice.

“Danny, we’ve got a kidnapping. Need you in right now.” Cragen said in a serious tone.

“On my way.” I replied, somehow instantly out of bed. I pulled on some wrinkled black slacks and buttoned up a blue blouse. I was out of my building in ten minutes and on my way to the precinct.  

There was an energy the second I walked into the building. The elevator ride was heavy with anxiety. The doors opened to a busy hallway with people running back and forth to something. The squad room was even busier. The squad had definitely been this busy at four AM before, but this time was different. There weren’t people being booked, or people crying, or strangers yelling. There was one life source focused on one issue.

“Four year old Jeannie Parker was taken from her bed earlier this morning. Parents heard noise around one and went to her bedroom to find the window open and the girl missing. No sign of a struggle.” Benson said as I got to my desk.

“Any suspects so far?” I asked

“The parents can’t think of anyone that would want to take her, and we’ve got no evidence to suggest anyone in particular.” She answered. “We’ve got an Amber Alert out and patrol is canvasing the neighborhood.”

“Patrol found something,” Cragen shouted to the room. Everyone turned their attention to him. “A stuffed animal belonging to the girl was found on the same block as her house in Queens. We don’t think she’s been taken very far away.” The room was buzzing once again when he finished up. “Clearing, Carisi, I need you guys to meet CSU at the crime scene. Benson and Amaro, you go too. Fin and Rollins, I want you guys getting in touch with every bus station, train station, and airport.” Cragen ordered. “I’ll let Barba know what’s going on.” He added.

The Parkers were crying on their couch while a uniformed officer asked them questions.

“Hey, we’ll take it from here.” Benson said to the officer. “I’m Detective Benson and this is Detective Amaro. Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?” Benson asked. The couple nodded, their faces defeated.

“Carisi and I will look at the girl’s room.” I said as we started up the stairs.

The room was pink with flowery drapes and bedding that was still somewhat neat. CSU was dusting for prints on the window frame and around the room. The floor was clean of clutter and all of the surfaces were decorated with toys and knick knacks. Nothing seemed out of place besides the open window and the team investigating.

“No signs of a struggle,” Carisi said, looking at the path from the bed to the window.

“Yeah,” I continued. “It looks like she just left. I bet she knew the kidnapper. She probably went willingly.”

Carisi went to the closet. “One pair of shoes is missing,” He said, gesturing to the empty spot on the shoe rack. “Either she grabbed them herself before she left or the kidnapper got them for her. He wanted her to be comfortable.” He said.

“Does this one feel odd to you?” I asked. “Normally right now I would be thinking it was a parent in a custody battle because she’s taken care of but the parents are still together. Could it be another family member?”

“It does feel odd to me.” Carisis said.

“There is no family,” Amaro said, walking through the door with Benson behind him. “The dad has a brother in Arizona but that’s it. Both sets of grandparents have passed and the mother is an only child.” He explained.

“Is the brother worth looking at?” I asked.

“I don’t think so,” Benson said. “The dad doesn’t talk to him much, but they’re on good terms.”

“The girl has to know this perp,” Carisi said. “Nothing else makes sense. Is there anyone that the girl is close to?”

“She has a babysitter in the neighborhood.” Benson started. “Just a 16 year old girl that watches her on the weekends sometimes, but that’s really it. With no family and her not starting school yet, we really don’t have anyone else to look at.”

Carisi and I went to the sitter’s house two blocks over. It was 9 AM by this time. The sun was out and birds were chirping. It made the day seem even worse, like the universe didn’t know there was a girl missing.

Carisi knocked on the door. A middle aged man answered. “How can I help you?” he asked.

We both showed our badges. “I’m detective Clearing and this is Detective Carisi. Is Sarah here?”

“Yes, what is this about?” He asked.

“We understand that Sarah watches a girl named Jeannie in the neighborhood.” Carisi began. “She was kidnapped this morning and we were hoping that Sarah might be able to help us out.”

“Oh my god, that’s awful.” The man said. “Of course you can talk to her, let me get her from her room.” He walked halfway down the hallway. “Sarah, I need you to come out here please.”

A girl with shoulder length brown hair came into the room. “Hello,” she said, a little confused.

“Hi Sarah,” I said. “We are detectives. We were hoping you could answer some questions about Jeannie Parker.”

“Sure,”  she replied. “Is something wrong?” She asked.

“She was kidnapped this morning.” I explained.

He face went pale. “Oh no, is she okay?”

“We aren’t sure. We were hoping that you could tell us about her.”

“Yes, I’ll help in any way I can.” She answered.

“When was the last time you saw Jeannie?” Carisi started. He was sat leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees.

“Last Saturday,” she answered. “I watched her while the Parkers went out for their anniversary. They made a whole afternoon of it.” She said.

“What did you guys do that day?” I asked.

“We made cupcakes when I first got there. Then we went to the park for a couple hours, then had a movie night. She was in bed by nine.” Sarah said. Her brows were furrowed and her eyes were worried.

“Is there anyone she was close with or anyone that you guys spoke to?” I asked

“There isn’t really anyone in particular. There are a few kids she sees at the park somewhat regularly, but she isn’t really close to any of them.” She said. “I don’t know any of their names, or even their parents’ names.” She added.

“That’s okay.” Carisi said. “Is there anyone else you can think of?” He asked.

“We talk to the manager at the grocery store across the street,” She said. “He always gives Jeannie a balloon.” She explained. “And there’s Damian at the ice cream parlor.” She added. “He’s always very nice.”

“What ice cream parlor?” I asked.

“It’s called Howdy’s.” She answered. “They employ people with disabilities or with mental challenges.” She explained.

“Do you have any reason to think that either of those people would want to hurt Jeannie?” Carisi asked. “Were they ever inappropriate with Jeannie?”

“No, never.” She said. “They were only ever kind to her. Mark, the store manager, gave her balloons but he gives them to all of the children. I think it was to occupy them so they wouldn’t make a mess of the store. And Damian is a lower mental age, so he got along with children better than adults. He functions well, he’s just a little slower.”

“Thank you for your help, Sarah.” I said, standing. I held out my card. “If you think of anything else, please give us a call.”

“Yes, of course.” She took the card. “Please find her.” She said.

Once back at the precinct, the squad gathered around a screen with photos and Jeannie and text. “Have we got anything on the second canvas?” Cragen asked the group.

“Not yet. We got a bit of info from the babysitter that we’re looking into, but I’m not holding out hope.” Rollins answered.

“Where are we on the market manager?” He asked.

“Mark Dixon. 42, married, no record, and has an alibi for the night. Store security footage shows him locking up shop after a late night inventory after Jeannie was already taken.” She explained.

“And the ice cream parlor guy?” He asked.

“Damien Reese, 19, no record.” She answered. “Carisi and Clearing are going to talk to him once his shift at the parlor starts.” She added.

“Okay, you guys go talk to him. I need Fin and Rollins to go to the lab. CSU has something.” Cragen ordered. The group scattered to their tasks, and I walked to the elevator with Carisi.

The doors opened to reveal the Assistant District Attorney. “Hello detectives.” He said. He was wearing a tan overcoat over his dark grey suit. He had a coffee in one can and a briefcase in the other.

“Hey, Barba.” I said. “How’s it going?” I asked.

“I’m just going to get caught up from Cragen on the case.” We switched places with him in the elevator. “Where are you guys headed?” He asked, looking at us from the hallway.

“Talking to a suspect. He works at an ice cream parlor.” Carisi answered.

“Oh bring me back a strawberry cone.” He winked. I gave a small giggle as the doors closed. Carisi and I rode down to the ground floor with small conversation.

“Barba is funnier with you.” Carisi said.

“What?” I asked, definitely confused.

“Barba is funny but he’s funnier around you. I think that he feels that he has to compete with how funny you are, so he really steps up his game.” He explained.

“What made you think of that because what he said wasn’t even funny?” I said.

“I thought it was funny,” Carisi laughed.

The doors opened to the main floor and Carisi and I made our way to the car. I drove.

“Welcome to Howdy’s, how can I help you?” A tall boy with a name tag on his blue apron reading ‘Matt’ asked from behind the counter. He spoke with slight hesitation but had a large smile.

“Hello, is Damien here?” I asked, both Carisi and I showed our badges.

“Whoa,” he said, looking at the badges. “Are those real?” He asked.

“Yes, they are.” I answered.

“That’s so cool.” He said with a smile. “I’ll get Damien for you. He’s in the back.” He said, running quickly to the backroom. He soon walked out with a shorter boy with long curly hair.

“Am I in trouble?” he asked, not looking up. “Matt said the police were here for me.” He still didn’t look up.

“You’re not in trouble Damien,” Carisi said. “We just want to ask you some questions.” He said.

“What about?” He asked, softly.

“Jeannie Parker. Do you know her?” I asked.

He looked up at us finally. “Yes, Jeannie is my friend. I like Jeannie.” He smiled. “Jeannie comes in with Sarah. Jeannie always gets vanilla with sprinkles.” He added.

“Something happened to her this morning.” I started.

“Oh no, is she okay?” He asked.

“We don’t know,” I said. “She was taken from her bedroom by someone.”

He looked back down. “I don’t know anything about that. I don’t know anything.” He said quickly. My phone rang, interrupting us. I gave Carisi a look that said I’d be right back.

“Hello,” I said.

“Clearing, we got something from the crime scene.” Fin said. “CSU found some blue polyester threads. Mostly used for uniforms and aprons.” He said.

“Was there anything else?” I asked.

“Yes, there was a footprint, size 12, with some kind of frosting that was on the bottom of the shoe. Looks like a crushed dessert sprinkle.” He said.

“I think we have our guy.” I said, hanging up.

I returned to the conversation and gave Carisi another look. “ Damien, you said that you and Jeannie are friends. When was the last time you saw her?” I asked.

“Uhhhh, I uh saw her yesterday.” He answered.

“What time did you see her yesterday?” I asked.

“It was when I was walking home from work. I saw her playing through the window. She’s very nice.” He smiled at his shoes. Pretty big. Maybe a size 12.

“Do you know where she is right now?” I asked.

He hesitated. “No I don’t know where she is.” He said unconvincingly.

“Excuse me for one minute, please. I need to make a phone call.” I said, backing away.

“Barba.” The ADA answered.

“Counselor, it’s Clearing. I’m going to need a search warrant for Damien Reese’s home. I think he’s our guy. Get with Benson on  the CSU details, but his apron and shoe size match those found at the crime scene and there were sprinkles which is what Jeannie always got in her ice cream from the store. And he lives on the same block as Jeannie.”

“I’m on it. You’ll have the warrant by the time you get there.” He said. “Best of luck detective.”

I walked back up to Carisi and Damien. “Damien, is Jeannie at your house right now?” I asked.

“She’s not allowed to have sleepovers. She can only play during the day.” He said.

“Did she have a sleepover last night?” I asked him.

“I knew we weren’t supposed to, but we were having fun.”

“Is she at your house right now Damien?” I asked again.

“Yes. She was going to sleep over again tonight.” He said.

Carisi got behind him and handcuffed him. “Damien Reese, you’re under arrest for the kidnapping of Jeannie Parker.” He finished reading Miranda as we got in the car and sped to Damien’s house.

Barba was there with Benson and Amaro with a warrant in hand. “I say there’s probably cause, but here’s a warrant just in case.” He said, handing me the document.

“Let’s go.” I said.

We knocked on the door, but there was no answer. The door was locked, so Carisi gave it a swift kick, breaking it open. We stormed the house, shouting for Jeannie.

“I’ll check the basement.” I said, starting down the stairs. “Jeannie, are you down here? Can you make some noise, sweet heart?” I shouted.

The room was well lit. Wood panelling lined the walls and the floor was covered in green shag carpet. The click of the door to my right startled me.

“Jeannie?” I spoke softly. The girl poked her head out from behind the door. “Oh my god,” I said running to her. “Are you okay?” I asked, picking her up.

“I’m okay,” she said. “Where is Damien? We were going to play dolls.” She said.

Jeannie had been reunited with her parents and Damien had been taken to the station by Carisi. I stood in front of the house with Benson and Barba. “I don;t think the kid knew what he was doing.” I said to Barba.

“He knew that having a sleepover was wrong, but I don’t think he knew that he kidnapped her.” Benson said.

“I’m going to plead him out, I think.” Barba said. “We’ll talk to him more, but I think it’s wrongful imprisonment.” He explained.

“Good work guys,” Benson said. “I’m heading home.”

We both said goodbye to Detective Benson. “You did well on this one, Danny.” Barba turned to me. “It’s always nice when they get home and were never hurt in the first place.” He added.

“Absolutely. Thanks Barba.”

He gave me a pat on the shoulder. “Go get some rest.”

Community Re-Watch Season 1: Introduction to Statistics and Home Economics

Community Re-Watch:  Season 1 Rahr! I thought I posted this on Friday! But I did not. Explains the lack of comments in my inbox. Here it is, better late than never, I guess. You'll notice that these commentaries are shorter. That's because the in-jokes are starting and less information is actually being relayed. So, I'm doing my best.

Introduction to Statistics Commentary by Dan Harmon, Joel McHale, Chevy Chase, and Joe Russo Joe says this was a watershed episode because it was experimental and ambitious. He says “Modern Warfare” is a direct descendant of this episode. Joel jokes that both episodes had the same director (Justin Lin). Joe mentions that he and Justin Lin were college buddies and have remained friends throughout the years. He said Justin brought a unique visual look to the series. Joel mentioned the Justin cares about every single shot. Dan adds that he hopes that Justin doesn’t get pigeonholed as an action director because he’s gifted at comedy as well. Joe says it’s because Justin is a storyteller. Joel introduces Lauren Stamile as “the beautiful and awesome Lauren Stamile.” He also confirms that in “Pascal’s Triangle Revisited” Jeff did not want to go back to being Slater’s boyfriend after she had dumped him a few episodes before. (Side note:  It’s an interesting comment, because it seems that, as far as Joel was concerned, the Slater-Jeff-Britta love triangle in “Pascal’s” was only in the minds of Slater and Britta.) Joel adds that Lauren is also the only woman in the cast who is taller that 5’6”. Chevy says that the women are the best actors in the cast. Joel agrees. Then Chevy adds that the men are the clowns. Dan remarks that Chevy is saying that women aren’t funny. Chevy protests that he wasn’t saying that at all. Dan says that he’d go out on a limb and say Gillian is funny. Everyone points out Leonard in the scene where Slater shoots Jeff down and remark that they just started using him in almost every episode going forward. Dan said that Leonard’s role in the scene was to be the stand-in for a sitcom audience. Chevy remarks that he thinks Alison Brie is hugely talented, and beautiful. He adds that he thinks she could be a huge movie star. He adds that she’s a lovely girl and huge talented, before quickly adding that all three women (he initially said “both of them” so I assume he forgot to include Yvette before he corrected himself) are. But he adds that Alison has a Liz Taylor vibe. Joel adds that Alison has a very good head on her shoulders and is a very down-to-earth person. Dan adds that Alison is very good at walking the tightrope of being over-the-top while still being very grounded. Dan adds that Alison is a “comedic weapon” because she’ll do a double-take then start crying as a joke. Chevy adds that she can do that because she’s very secure in herself. He adds, “And she’s very good-looking and she knows it.” Joel adds that Gillian in the chipmunk costume is maybe the cutest thing to happen on television. Dan says the chipmunk costume was Gillian’s idea. Chevy calls Danny Pudi’s performance “brilliant.” Dan says the Internet lit up like a Christmas tree after this episode aired about the give-and-take between Troy and Abed. Dan encourages everyone to watch the outtakes to see every iteration of their initial exchange in the episode. “This is what happens when you just let Donald (Glover) go.” Joel thinks that Chevy in the Beastmaster costume was really funny. Joel then points out that Chevy’s costume has no pectoral muscles. It’s all abs all the way down. Chevy ads that it has no connection to any actual humans. Dan can’t remember who came up with the Urkel/Harry Potter jokes for Yvette’s Harry Potter get-up. Dan remarks that while filming this episode, Dino (Starburns) texted him from the set to say, “I’m doing a scene with Chevy Chase. What the hell happened to us?” Dan confirms that the pill Starburns gives Pierce is ecstasy. He wasn’t sure if NBC would let them use the name, so they don’t state it outright in the episode. Chevy adds that it really doesn’t matter, because anything like that is just poison. Although Dan likes Chevy’s ecstasy acting, he adds that the best depiction of an ecstacy trip on-screen is in season one of Spaced. Even though you don’t see the characters taking ecstasy on-screen, he said the depiction was so dead-on that you knew what was going on. Joel agrees with Dan. Everyone takes a moment to praise Justin’s blocking of the Halloween party scene in the study room as the cameras move around the study group (sans Jeff since he’s crashing the teachers’ party) and the study group moves around the room. Joe says that Donald is one of the most gifted improvisers that he’s ever seen. It’s very difficult to improvise in-story, but Donald has a writers’ brain and he can just make it work so that he can insert himself into a scene, advance the story, while still getting a joke out of it. Dan repeats that Gillian wanted the squirrel costume and came to him about it. He said that normally “you don’t listen to actors because they’re crazy people,” so when someone comes up to him and says “this is what I think my character should wear for Halloween” you’re not sure. But when he saw Gillian on the set, he was, “Oh! I get it!” He adds that he learned a lot about Britta in this episode because he let Gillian choose the costume and watching her get activated in it. They once again encourage people to watch the extras so they can see all the different lines Donald used to tell Jeff that Pierce was pretty much tripping balls at the student party. Dan says it’s fun to shoot party episodes because you can bop around in different groups. Chevy points out that when Jeff tells the study group members to get out of the cafetorium where the teachers are having their Halloween party, Joel is in a gunslinger stance like he’s about to draw his gun. Dan commenting on the Britta-Shirley scene in Slater’s office:  Yvette went up to his office because the scene, as originally written, had Shirley basically taking a dump in one of Slater’s desk drawers. They ended up having a very long conversation where Yvette basically talked Dan out of that version. It got switched to her trying to use a hose to fill up Slater’s desk with water. Everyone jokes about Britta ripping the head off Slater’s trophy. Because obviously she’d have to be bionically strong to do it. Joe says that a camera was strapped strapped to Chevy’s chest during his full-on ecstasy trip to get that distorted effect. Dan says they fed Alison her lines while she stood in front of a green screen. During that session, they were doing a ton of old person jokes. Unfortunately, Chevy overheard them, came into the room, and said, “I knew the Beatles, I was at Woodstock, and you can all go fuck yourselves.” What made it really funny is that he said it while still wearing the Beastmaster costume. Chevy confesses that he doesn’t even know who Beastmaster is. Joel explains it’s a Mark Singer movie from the 1980s. Dan says that they had problems with Ken Jeong in the scene where Chang gives Jeff advice on how to get Slater. He kept doing all these hand gestures that were rude and Dan had to tell him to not do that because his role was to set up the next joke. They all comment that after the episode aired “Mexican Halloween” was trending on Google. Dan confesses that it’s something he made up. Dan says that Donald is a very funny guy and a very smart guy, but he doesn’t interject his own comedy unasked. He said that’s why Troy gets funnier and funnier as the season progresses because he was getting more and more permission from the writers to do his own thing. Joel says that Chevy was awesome in the chairfort scene. Joe says that the chairfort was built and tested on the construction stage. Dan says the chairfort rig gave him the idea to do “Modern Warfare.” As he was inspecting the rig and talking to Justin about how it would work. He said he began to wonder if they could do an action episode, rather than a comedy episode with action elements. Chevy apparently told Justin Lin on the set that he didn’t know anything about comedy. Joe says that “Introduction to Statistics” was the first time they had “stepped out of the show.” Because it was a Halloween episode, they felt they had permission to push the boundaries, like, for example, having a chairfort collapse, having Abed swoop in like a superhero to save Jeff and Pierce, and “acting like it was a normal part of the world of the show.” Dan says that the Batman voiceover at the end of the episode was entirely improvised by Danny Pudi in a recording booth. They basically used the improve uncut. It was meant to be a placeholder until they wrote something. Dan says he kept telling Danny to keep babbling about darkness and get your dichotomies all mixed up. Dan answers the Twitter question, “When did you start considering Jeff and Annie as an option?” Dan answers it was the shot at the end of the episode where Jeff silently asks Annie to dance by holding out his hand and she becomes giddy because she’s dancing with him. He says there was a nice romantic undertone to the scene. Joel says the scene with Abed/Batman on the roof of the school was shot just as day was about to break. The tag scene between Abed and Troy was all improvised by Danny and Donald. Dan says that Abed and Troy are the Cheech and Chong of the show.

Home Economics Commentary by Dan Harmon, Joel McHale, Danny Pudi, and Lauren Pomerantz (writer) Joel says that he almost chocked to death in the opening scene. Chevy would throw the paper balls into his mouth and it would get into his throat. Danny says that the opening scene where Jeff is woken up wasn’t really acting. Joel actually was tired. He adds, “Joel can also nap anywhere.” Dan starts a runner joke (that lasts throughout the whole commentary) that Yvette Nicole Brown has a drinking problem, which causes everyone to start laughing. Joel explains that Yvette is waiting outside the recording booth and can hear everything they say, but she’s powerless to do anything about it. Dan admits that Yvette is actually a teetotaler. Joel jokes that she doesn’t drink, but smokes a ton of pot. Dan adds, “No, she doesn’t smoke pot, either.” Dan says that Lauren (the writer) is no longer on the show, but he’s glad she’s back for the commentary. He adds that she’s a very quiet person who doesn’t talk a lot. Dan praises her and says that she turned out a really good draft. He adds that he likes this episode a lot. Dan adds that one of the things that a lot of male writers would shy away from is a scene like Shirley ogling Jeff while he does his homeless man cleanup. Dan mentions that she’s working for Ellen Degeneres, but that if she’s ever back on the market, some should snatch her up because she’s an excellent draft writer. Everyone starts making fun of Gillian’s costuming in the study room scene. They’re not sure if it’s “Mad Max” or “Legend of Billie Jean.” Dan remarks that Chevy and Britta a costumed in a similar manner (side note: they’re both wearing vests). Dan says this episode got shuffled around in the order. Dan says that he and Gillian talked about what happened with her character from her perspective in this episode. He said that Gillian said Britta was basically still policing Jeff at this point. Dan says that they really don’t need a single policeman for Jeff. Jeff himself is a fairly self-destructive character, so everyone in the study group winds up policing him at some point. Because of that, it opened things up to allow them to dump on Britta. But at this point in the series they’re still using her as the voice of practicality and reason, and she’s pompus. Joel says when he jumped over the bushes to stop Jeff’s car from being towed he almost broke his ankle. There was apparently a deep hole on the other side that he landed in. During the scene where Abed is eating cereal and Jeff is losing his mind, Joel and Danny apparently ate “thousands” of bowls. Joel says it was like that SNL commercial about Colon Blow. Danny says that the state of Joel’s clothes and hair is the result of the amount of cereal they ate that day. Lauren wrote the lyrics for Vaughn’s song about Britta. Joel says that “she’s a GDB” became something the cast latched onto and they kept saying it to each other all season. Joel says at one point they switched he and Danny to an organic version of Lucky Charms. Danny comments that it was a horrible. Joel says that Lucky Charms is wonderful to eat, but after a box-and-a-half you begin to feel terrible. They both began to feel hot and flushed. “It’s like you’ve eaten an entire cake.” Danny points out Pavel. He says that actor really is Polish. Danny says that he really likes what the art department did with Abed’s room and the movie posters. Everyone then switches to talking about the posters in the rehearsal space for Vaughn’s band. Dan says he makes fun of Chevy a lot, but he really brings it to all of his scenes. Dan claims someone called him at home (“you know who you are”) and said that the Troy-Annie storyline in the episode should be pulled. He says that they should know they were wrong. Joel points out that Patton Oswald makes his first appearance on the show. Joel remarks that Patton’s bones must be hollow, because “they are filled with funny.” Dan says that Patton’s “I’m the Hawkeye around here” was improvised by him on the set. Danny says watching Joel make his sundae was hilarious. Joel says spaying the whipped cream into his mouth was a joy. Dan says the conversation between Britta and Abed is the reveal that Abed has “his eye on the ball.” There were several holes in the boxer shorts Joel was wearing, including one at his butt. Danny says he laughed out loud when he saw Joel sprawled on the couch during the Jeff-Britta scene. He points out that Joel doesn’t really change position though most of the scene until Britta tosses the sack on him. Dan said it took a three-hour brainstorming session to come up with Jeff marking his expensive Italian faucets for the optimal temperature for his skin. They were trying to come up with a way for Jeff to figure out that it was his faucet. Another one they considered was a dent from the belt buckle of the mayor’s daughter. Danny says that Abed’s dorm room is three times the size of his actual college dorm room. Dan is apparently stuck on the fact that Britta is wearing heels. “What would be the worst that would happen if Britta didn’t wear stilts?” Joel’s answer is, “You wouldn’t be able to frame the shots.” Dan says that the camera catches a little bit of “Annie butt” in the scene where she takes back her courting quilt. “We walk a very, very dangerous tightrope with that character.” Danny says that the final scene between Shirley and Annie is very sweet. Joel says that they rehearsed a brief Polish conversation for the closing scene between Jeff, Abed, and Britta. He adds that he really enjoyed it. Dan says that he gets emotional over Abed calling Jeff “a huge nerd.” Dan says that Pierce enjoying the attention of Vaughn’s diss song is great. That a lack of redemption and an unwillingness to change can be kind of heroic in the face of bad luck or even justice.