#it was crass disorganized and beautiful
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Ultimate Aqua Teen Hunger Force Body Horror Masterlist
ATHF was on just before the age of streaming, so a lot of my memories of the show are fragmented half-truths from bleary-eyed 3 AM viewing sessions. Upon a disorganized loose rewatch of the series I’ve discovered that is just as bizarre and disturbing as my sleep-deprived memories recalled, so I’ve made a fun little list of all the most disgusting and vile things this beloved cratoon enticed me to suffer through.
TONIGHT!
Fry Legs
In an attempt to woo a computer repair technician he’s stalking, Frylock liquefies her boyfriend in public. He then poorly reassembles his corpse and tapes his brain into the shambling monstrosity, assuming his identity in order to marry the technician. As he’s proposing, his legs snap off like dry twigs and Cary Mean’s howl of pain is genuinely upsetting, as is the bluebird picking at his exposed brain, and the chilling implication at the end that Frylock is now permanently trapped in this decaying body. Great work all around. Also, the technician lady is revealed to be a C.H.U.D. who has sex with animals.
Hypno-Germ
Shake sits on a gas station toilet seat in New Joisey and is infected with the eponymous Hypnogerms. To be fair, this is more psychological than body horror, with Shake’s life slowly being overtaken by a persistent fantasy world primarily populated with talking file cabinets who slip him psychic commands to do things like “lock yourself in a cold, dark room”, “smear yourself with garbage and try to cross the freeway” and “eat your own dung”. Also, at the end of the episode Shake farts via his eyes.
Antenna
ATHF predicts 5G: The Episode. Aliens install a massive satellite tower above Carl’s house. It replaces any TV or phone signals with a monotonous video of two aliens passing a cardboard box back and forth, which also causes torrential nosebleeds and swelling of the cranium/eyes. Special Guest Star Voice Over Artist George Lowe.
She Creature
Carl’s pool has turned stagnant with neglect, breeding hundreds of mosquitoes as well as some huge, unidentifiable creature. Carl lets the mob use it to dispose of bodies to help alleviate his debt with them, but ultimately the Aqua Teens “help” him chlorinate his pool and install a filter. The creature is revealed to be a beautiful mermaid, who offers to give Carl an “indescribable pleasure” for 30 bucks, 50 if the Aqua Teens watch. After she swims into his penis, Carl then explodes in a torrent of eggs, as does Frylock, Meatwad, but not Shake. Not even the sea monster wanted to fuck Shake.
Piranha Germs
This one is pretty repulsive, even for me. Shake gets a job as a “viral marketer” from a floating severed head, who assigns him tasks such as eating raw ground beef with a fork from off the ground, or dipping his hands in unpasteurized milk and squeezing raw chicken before walking around a conference hall shaking hands/giving high fives with as many people as possible. Shake eventually contracts a disease that literally devours him at the cellular level, slowly disintegrating his body. The head takes Shake to the company health care provider (another floating head) who has Shake inject himself with more of the virus. Eventually Frylock takes action, hooking Shake up to a machine that “boils and bleaches the blood”, an agonizing process that lasts at least 3 days straight. That over with, Frylock tells a bloated Shake that his blood has been replaced with a highly explosive substance and promptly freezes him. A really unpleasant experience to watch overall, which makes for an excellent ATHF episode. It’s marred somewhat by the fact that its ending is essentially just a less-funny rehash of the next featured episode, and one of ATHF’s best...
The Clowning
I feel like the image above should be all you need to know about The Clowning. Carl gets a wig infected by an alien clown disease. ATHF’s writers seem to have something of a predilection towards horrible viruses, and I gotta say that Carl-centric episodes are always my favourite. He’s just such a delightfully crass and obnoxious character, the writers and animators seem to find such joy in coming up with these nightmarish fates for him. Anyway with Carl fully clownified, Frylock freezes him in the hopes of someday developing a cure. Cut to many years later with the Aqua Teens elderly and senile in a zombie apocalypse, with Clown Carl still frozen, used as a coat rack. Then he falls over and shatters.
Total Re-Carl
And here we are at the logical conclusion of this exercise, the single best episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force ever made, the one that scarred me as a teen, and the one that inspired this list in the first place.
I really love that Carl begins the episode trying to avoid talking to Frylock, to the point where he turns his lights off and hides behind the couch muttering “Go away, dammit. Just go away.” It’s like he knows what’s coming for him. He just wants to sit around drinking beer and watching porno, but these horrible talking foodmin keep ruining his life. He’s trying so desperately to have some peace, which makes what happens to him in this episode that much more horrifying and hilarious.
Frylock breaks into Carl’s house and talks him into coming out to try his new jet engine powered vacuum toilet (that, of course, is sitting on Carl’s lawn in plain sight, although Frylock assures Carl he has built a state-of-the-art invisibility curtain for privacy (a Lie)), and provides him with a care package of fiber tablets, espresso beans, and other laxatives.
After surreptitiously locking Carl out of his house, Frylock and Meatwad watch from a distance as Carl is forced to try out the new toilet and is immediately and violently sucked into the toilet bowl, his body ejected out the back as a red mist, only his head left unmulched. Frylock hooks up Carl’s head to his computer to keep him alive and to translate his brain output to text, and the little flash of dialogue we see on the screen makes me laugh every time:
The Aqua Teens then fail several times to find a replacement for Carl’s body. The first is the corpse of an elderly black man whose body immediately “rejects the head transplant” and begins savagely attempting to rip Carl off his shoulders.
The next try is easily the worst mental image I have ever experienced on syndicated television, and while I love this episode I’m thankful for the simple artstyle and the relative restraint they showed compared to later as far as gore goes.
Frylock tells Shake to order some body parts from online, but Shake buys from “we-got-us-some-medical-waste.com” and receives a soggy cardboard box filled entirely with loose eyeballs. Carl wakes to find his head attached a Heaping Golem of Eyes, which honestly sounds like a Bloodborne enemy 12 years ahead of its time. At Frylock’s behest, he takes a step forward to try out his new “legs” and Dave Willis’s voice acting for this scene still scares the shit out of me, if I’m being honest. Those screams are every bit as excruciating as I would expect for someone whose feet are made from dozens of lidless corneas.
The third and final replacement is a gleaming exoskeleton of weaponized powerarmour, which they quickly realize is a terrible idea seeing as how he just tried to murder Frylock with this eye arms. They end up putting his severed head on a RC car while Meatwad obliterates Shake with the exoskeleton.
Thanks for reading!
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It’s ass o’clock in the morning, I can’t sleep, and I really want to talk about this. Putting it beneath a Keep Reading for some spoilery stuff because there are somehow some people out there who might not have seen the beauty of an anime that is Kekkai Sensen. Please, if you haven’t seen it yet then go watch it. I genuinely cannot recommend it enough. This isn’t gonna be some extensive thing, it’s literally almost 5:30 in the morning and I’m tired but can’t sleep, but I need to at least air my basic thoughts. And now, to get down to what brass tacks I can reach at this hour.
I’ve seen people say that the Kekkai Sensen anime has no plot. That’s actually not correct from what I’ve seen. It’s all episodic plot points that, when you step back and think about them, link together in some way leading up to the finale. And it’s the same with the second season, as well. You have to step back and THINK to pick up on what’s going on, because it’s not outright stated what the plot is and what the point of the series as a whole is. And, frankly, that’s one of the things I love most about it. It looks like disorganized, disjointed chaos from the basic perspective and that’s what makes it such a fun watch even if you never pick up on the plot behind it all.
And more than that, the characters aren’t flat and underdeveloped. Y’all are just so focused on the “missing plot” that you haven’t been paying attention to the subtle character developments that come with each plot point. Case in point, Zapp is made out to be an absolute piece of garbage of a human being from the get-go. And yet in episode two he DELIBERATELY puts himself on the line to make sure they can track Leo down when he gets into trouble, even though he’ll deny it to Hell and back. He may be crass and, frankly, a bit of a bastard, but that one episode proved he’s not always as bad as he acts. Even if 99.9% of the time he’s someone you’d want to hit with a sledgehammer repeatedly.
And then there’s Leo! He starts out a completely, easily frightened young guy who’s just gotten caught up in a shitstorm he never planned on. But by the end of season one he’s literally HIT Zapp for being an inconsiderate assbag at least once! He may take a lot of shit, but he’s come to the point where he’ll throw down when he feels he needs to or he’s just DoneTM. That? That’s growth. He has a heart of gold, but he does learn when to drop the nice attitude when need be - even if he still has trouble doing actual harm. And in season two, it becomes even more apparent. In the season two finale, he LITERALLY PROTECTS HIS SISTER AT THE COST OF GETTING REALLY FUCKING HURT. At the start of the series, he’d freeze up a lot when Big Shit was happening. But this time he was like “Nah, not happening my guy” and held it down as long as he needed to even though he was getting stabbed by needle arm...leg...things (look, idk what to call them even now).
It takes stepping back and piecing the context of each episode together to see both the plot and the character development.
Edit: One of my friends actually put it into better phrasing and perspective.
“I mean, wasn't the whole aspect of being dropped right into the action and having to catch up as you go along an intentional feature that sort of reflects the chaotic vibe of HL? Somewhere that's so overrun with weird shit happening all the time isn't going to pause to take a minute and give you the 411 on the current socio economic status lmao.” The point being that the seeming disjointed chaos is reflective of the very setting they’re in. Something to be expected of someplace as wild and weird as HL! So even if you don’t agree that Kekkai Sensen has a plot, the absolute chaos that is the series was probably the point from the very start.
#Kekkai Sensen#just some early morning ramblings#Don't mind me#I'll probably either elaborate when I'm less tired or just plain forget#but I'm pretty sure my ask box is open if you wanna Discuss#I don't mind
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— && guests may mistake me as ( normani ), but really i am ( taline mar + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 12/26/1996 ). i am a ( dance teacher ) and would like to stay in suite ( 309 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( idealistic & charismatic ), but i can also be ( domineering & scatter-brained ) at times. personally, i like to ( listen to podcasts, shop online & solve crossword puzzles ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( flamin’ hot cheetos ) to have in my suite. thank you for checking in! ( nessa, est, 21 ).
tw: mentions of anxiety.
hello, my babies! okay, i swear, this is the last muse i’m bringing in for y’all. the muse with fiona just didn’t click as i hoped it would so i decided to bring back a favorite muse of mine, taline! you’re a real og if you remember when i first played her. anyways, i literally can’t think of how to do an intro post, wowie, but below will have some info about her! if you wanna know more about her you can check out her pinterest board here or her full bio here! i’m always down to plot, so lmk if you’d like to plot and we can work something out!
as of right now, she is keeping herself focused on herself and uses her job as a dance teacher as a form of every day therapy. she’s been living in chicago for about two to three years so far. in her spare time, she helps tutor kids after school and likes to shop online. taline swears those are the only things keeping her sane.
let’s get a few things out of the way: taline is both distant and clingy at the same time. she doesn’t let a crap ton of people close to her but once she does, she can be draining. she texts about random things that she thinks her friends will enjoy. she asks how they are all the time. she wants to hang out and watch movies and cuddle a lot. she wants to cook for them and buy them things. she wants to share her favorite books with them. she wants to witness their shocked faces during the plot twists of her favorite movies. it isn’t uncommon for her to have to be told that someone needs a break from her for a few days. she tries not to take those times personally but the majority of the time after being pushed away for a breather, taline is unsure of what to do with herself and gets fretful and does massive amounts of work and dancing.
taline is frequently told that she could be a politician due to her diplomatic presence and strong-willed mindset. even so, she has much interest in politics as a profession, and takes it as a compliment and revels in the fact that people think so highly of her.
hardened by the unwanted advances and crass comments people would throw at her when she was younger, the brown-eyed beauty has perfected the art of appearing intimidating and serious. but the reality is that she has a fantastic sense of humor that can be cracked into by treating her the way everyone else didn’t – like a human being and not an object.
taline fits very well into the “femme fatale” trope and often receives comparisons to michaela pratt from htgawm for both her sophisticated sense of style and bold personality. somewhat of an uptight perfectionist, she has always followed the rules and is her own worst critic.
despite her demeanor, the young woman is extremely caring and always wants the people she cares about to be comfortable and happy. when she’s very close to a person, she can be very emotional expressive towards them. she doesn’t mind expressing her feelings and thoughts with someone she’s extremely close to. in fact, she finds it therapeutic. of course, this is something that comes over time when you’re her friend. she doesn’t get close to people very easily.
everything that she does is very methodical and thought out. she’s not afraid to flaunt her intelligence, nor is she afraid to intimidate people by shoving her systematic way of life in their face if it benefits her. taline is a very cut-throat type of person when it comes down to it, but it’s because she believes she deserves the best and will do anything to get it.
due to her own arrogance and intelligence, taline has an opinion on everything and a tendency to share those opinions when it’s not necessarily appropriate, which gets her in trouble frequently.
she no longer speaks to her father due to the fact that the pressure he put her under caused her to suffer from anxiety attacks. she’s currently looking for a good therapist since she’s still dealing with the impact of his words and the expectations he set for her.
she moved to chicago a few months after dropping out of the graduate program at vanderbilt university. she wanted a clean slate since she was always surrounded by the same people for the past few years. chicago seemed like a good idea to her and it would be an easy escape from hearing her father’s nagging.
currently, she is living at the malnati while teaching at the small dance studio she works at. she posts on youtube every other week and has recently gotten on the tiktok bandwagon. she moved to chicago because it reminded her a little bit of indianapolis and she needed a new place of scenery to reinvent herself. at the moment, there is no family in the picture as taline has been estranged from hers since she was twenty one for choosing to pursue her own dreams instead of trying to fit into the neat little box they’d carved for her. that has left a pretty big void in her life that she chose to ignore and then fill with dance.
to help her make a little money on the side, she has an onlyfans account. she enjoys showing herself off in lingerie. taline at night vs. taline during the day is such a difference that it will blow your mind.
plotting
at first glance, there isn’t very much to taline. she’s the girl who is impeccably dressed with a wide grin on her face and a childlike kindness that makes her embrace everyone she meets with open arms. she goes to great lengths to make sure that is all that people see; that she is recognized as the ex-rich girl who lucked into her own brand of success with her youtube channel. she genuinely adores people from all walks of life and takes great joy in getting to know them. honestly, taline is a combination of a really reliable friend and someone who frequently just disappears off the face for months at a time when she's focusing on her work. she's surprisingly introverted for the job she has and can be something of a hermit, but if a friend needs her she'll dust herself off and come out of her hole. she's an interesting person to have around and has stories for days, but can be a little self-involved and work-obsessed. she's also not great at talking about her feelings unless she's pissed off. she's a lot of fun, though, and loves to party.
i can see taline having a lot of friends but many of them not being particularly good ones. she's a very charismatic and outgoing person but also withdrawn in the sense that a lot of her friendships are very surface level. it takes a lot for her to decide to let someone get much closer but when she does, she's a good friend who will look out for the other person. she just has a tendency to put herself first because she doesn't feel like anyone else will do it for her, so she needs to do it herself. she also grew up feeling pretty lonely and i think part of the reason why she'd have so many superficial friends.
in conclusion: taline is someone with a kind heart who would give the shirt right off her back for anyone she deems a friend. she’s open-minded, loving, and incredibly forgiving when she wants to be. she definitely has her faults. she can be vain and self-involved and a little unreliable as she’s incredibly disorganized. it tends to be made up for with her genuinely good nature, how eager she is to please and how prone she is to spoiling her friends. overall, she's a good friend to have around when she decides to attach herself to you!
on the flip side, taline loves a good debate, and honestly, loves a good fight. she's full of opinions and refuses to believe that she could be wrong. losing an argument or debate is not in her vocab. she is argumentative and also quite moral/righteous. with that being said, there will also be people she rubs the wrong way. being a strong character and a person not afraid of confrontation, taline frequently ends up in situations where she antagonizes others. when she believes in something, she's very adamant about it and she will fight for it, even if she's not always in the right. she's very passionate and very outspoken and she tends to step on people's toes more often than not. she's also stubborn and doesn't easily see her own mistakes, so she's been known to keep holding onto her opinion even when it's been obviously wrong. get into a heavy conversation with her at your own peril, xo.
despite having a lot of acquaintances, i would like for her to have a circle of tight friends, people she is incredibly close with that she trusts implicitly. some she's known for a long time and some that maybe are newer but they feel its like they've known each other forever. just give this girl her pals, please!
she has plans to open her own studio in the near future, so anyone who be interested in aiding to her dream or who wants lessons or even just a place to practice could befriend her.
she is a hopeless romantic, through and through. she is something of a serial monogamist where she wants to be in a relationship because they help ease some of the insecurities she’s been battling with since she was disowned by her family. she tends to put all of that yearning for their approval into relationships with other people. she’s bisexual, and she’s interested in people who can make her laugh and feel comfortable. she likes the idea of having a partner in her life but she's also so independent and in her own world, so she hasn't ever been particularly good at dating. if we’re being honest, the only serious relationship she has ever been in was with moira sanchez back in college, and she’s still mending a broken heart from that.
she's very protective over her own feelings but equally tends to jump into things too fast and then back the hell out all of a sudden. if she does choose to be in a relationship, i think she’s quite picky with who she decides to do that with because she had a childhood of not receiving the love she needed and i think that shows in her approach to romantic relationships (ouch). i can't see her having loads of hookups since she does tend to project onto someone who shows her attention or affection. she falls hard for people, especially people she starts sleeping with. fwb or fuck buddy relationships often become complicated for her or they evolve into something that ultimately ends. she’s unlucky in love, to put it simple.
wanted plots
left brain, right brain. taline’s other half. the two couldn’t be more different regarding their behavior and interests, but they somehow make it work. they don’t fight often, either, even if they aren’t the same in the slightest. the one thing they have in common is how much they adore the other’s existence.
two best gal friends. -- like a troublesome trio. the three are always seen with at least one another. you can call them charlie’s angels, destiny’s child, or phoebe, rachel, and monica from friends. something that resembles the friendships of the bold type and someone great.
now we got bad blood. -- taline doesn’t have many enemies, but there is always someone out there in the world that will get on her nerves. this person makes her want to gouge her eyes out with a fork. right off the bat, these two bumped heads, arguing about petty things like favorite tv shows and favorite foods. perhaps it’s because they’re both natural born leaders and can’t seem to reach an agreement, or perhaps it’s because they remind each other a little too much of themselves. either way, nobody understands their dislike of one another.
the art of intimacy. -- she has never been one to indulge in senseless intimacy. actions where touches were detached from feelings. it’s not her -- that’s not taline. but sometimes, the feelings of fingertips on her skin, and the taste of lips, mixed with the rich moans and pleas for more, drives her to break her own rules. she can study them. learn notes about the way of intimacy and sex when you remove the feelings. true, she’s terrible at removing that and she proves time and time again that she can’t separate lust and love. maybe it wont end in disaster? maybe it’ll provide just the right muse.
almost lover. -- they probably had a thing at one point and she got too attached, they broke her heart, and she just can’t let it go.
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Green-Blooded Matchmaker (Bones x Reader TrekFest 2017)
Pairing: AOS Dr. Leonard “Bones” McCoy/Reader, featuring nosy!matchmaking!Spocko
Rating: PG for language because McCoy is a potty mouth doctor and drug mention
A/N: Guess who did some heavy tweaking to their unfinished Spock Week fic to create THIS beautiful mess. :) Also, dammit guys I am a writer not a doctor (nor a biochemist) so please excuse any technobabble/misattributed terms. (See also: Sara slips in a Hidden Figures reference because she deserves it.)
You really, really did not know how you weren’t in trouble yet.
Yes, you had five reports to turn in to Commander Spock-- being on his elite research team made work a little more high pressure-- and only two of them were done. Yes, you had a live skin cell to examine and a very short time to get it done before it became useless. No, you could not continue any of your studies and theses until you examined said skin cell.
Unfortunately for you, though, you had your fifth high-priority examination with Dr. McCoy in less than a week, and everyone knew how much the good doctor hated to be kept waiting. (See: any of the grumpy rants you heard McCoy let loose on the captain from the vents leading a floor up from your biochem lab to the medbay.)
This is why you were sitting in said medbay, perched on a biobed and absently twisting the hem of your uniform as you waited on the Southern doctor.
“Oh,” he had the audacity to look surprised when he came in, “Lieutenant. You’re not scheduled for another twenty minutes.”
“Well, you do get rather busy with Captain Kirk,” you noted. “I figured we might as well get done with this as soon as possible.”
“Bless you and your punctuality, Y/L/N,” he sighed, hazel eyes poring over his PADD.
“Well, when you work under Mr. Spock,” you began.
“Say no more.”
You knew very well the relationship between your superior and Dr. McCoy. More specifically, you knew how abrasively each tended to behave toward the other. Mr. Spock was a paragon of logic and order; nothing in his labs was ever out of place, nor was a notation ever misfiled. No one on Spock’s staff was ever late or disorganized-- ever. Like goes with like, after all. You knew little about the doctor outside of the fact that he was grumpy (usually) and very, very sarcastic. You admired his crass wit from afar; your paths had little reason to cross outside of working in similar fields, and anyone Spock enjoyed being around, McCoy tended to avoid (outside of Jim).
“Now,” the doctor looked over what you presumed was your file, “you’re here for a standard exam?”
“That was last month, Doctor.”
“...damn, damnit, right, shit. Vision test?”
“A week ago.”
“Fuck. I swear, I had you marked in here for something...shit, sorry, I’m looking.”
“You asked to check for potential contamination due to my close work with the tissues from our last stop.”
Dr. McCoy squinted down through your file again before finding the exam you had just mentioned.
“Well, shit. You’re right. Sorry.”
You shrugged, “Well, I’ve had so many tests in the last few weeks, I don’t really blame you, Doctor.”
You thought you saw the faintest, tiniest, most miniscule excuse for a flush in the doctor’s face at his disorganization, but you absolutely had to be seeing things.
“Just lie back and hold still, it’ll only be a moment.”
You did as told, feeling the biobed buzz and whir underneath you, before you heard the medbay doors swish open.
“Dr. McCoy,” the familiarly monotone voice announced his arrival.
“Dammit, Spock, what is it?”
“It is imperative that I speak to Lieutenant Y/L/N.”
“Well, can it fucking wait until I’m done with this?”
“Very well.”
You didn’t hear the doors move again, so you internally groaned and realized you were absolutely in trouble for spending so much time in the medbay and getting behind on your reports. There was no way you weren’t headed for another night of overtime.
“All clear, Lieutenant,” McCoy said.
Spock didn’t even give you time to thank the doctor before striding out of the medbay with a quick, “Come along, Lieutenant.”
You gave Dr. McCoy a quick look mixing exasperation and apology as you followed your boss out and down the corridor to the turbo lift.
“Have you completed the analyses on the new species we encountered?” he asked, keeping his back straight and arms neatly folded behind him.
“I’ve got the reports 40% done,” you shifted nervously. “My research keeps getting interrupted.”
“By whom?” Spock quirked his eyebrow.
“Doctor McCoy keeps finding medical tests that I haven’t gotten completed yet,” you explained. “I knew my transfer from the USS Johnson would encompass a lot of paperwork, but I have to ask, is this normal procedure for the Enterprise?”
“No, protocol does not mandate this level of medical assessment. ...I will speak with Dr. McCoy shortly.”
“Thank you,” you sighed. You were more than ready to finish your work in peace.
You looked at your near-dead skin cell and sighed. You really could have used those twenty minutes.
Damn those attractive doctors.
You were certain you could get the machine to work if you kept mashing the button. You were already in a groggy, grumpy morning mood; you did not need another reason to punch whoever crossed your path.
“Is something the matter, Lieutenant?”
It took all the strength in your bones to not lash out and castrate your boss with your favorite coffee mug.
“The replicator on this floor isn’t working,” you grumbled.
The Vulcan was somehow still completely calm about this-- you were contemplating asking for whatever he was smoking.
“Yes, engineers will be available to repair it shortly. You must use the replicator on the medical level instead.”
You let out a hard sigh. Your skin cell from the previous day had been impossible to save and use; it would be an understatement to say that you were not particularly happy with Doctor McCoy.
Still, you needed coffee to prevent yourself from murdering everyone you encountered that day, so you trudged to the turbo lift and marched your way past all the nurses and techs to the replicator near Dr. McCoy’s office.
Clearly, the doctor didn’t see you mooching his replicator, because he poked his head outside upon seeing you.
“Lieutenant? What brings you by?”
“Coffee,” you pointed to the replicator as it filled your cup. “Chem lab’s got a busted one. Spock sent me up here.”
“And here I was thinking that green-blooded hobgoblin was never gonna let your out of that lab again,” he mused.
“What did he say to you?”
“Oh, the usual. I can’t be interfering in research, exams are to be scheduled more professionally, I’m being overdramatic for insisting that you get your tests done so quickly on such short notice to you and him.”
“...Has he met Captain Kirk?” you frowned to the side as you picked your mug back up.
“Yeah,” McCoy chuckled, “that’s what I told him.” For as tired and frustrated as you were, you had to laugh and agree. For a man with such a curmudgeonly reputation, he certainly had a nice smile.
“Well, I wouldn’t want to get you in trouble,” you took a sip of your coffee. “Thanks for not making me want to stab everyone with a scalpel this morning.”
“Anything to avoid more work for me,” he waved you off. You wiped the tiny smile off your face when you walked out of the medbay only to find Spock waiting outside.
“Was Doctor McCoy bothered by your presence?”
“Oddly enough, no,” you said. “Don’t worry, Mr. Spock, I’m headed straight to work.”
“Very well, Lieutenant. Dr. McCoy also harvested this from one of the creatures still left on the ship; he believed it would be relevant to your research.”
You almost wanted to cry when you saw a new skin sample from the exact species you had lost your cell for.
Grinning something fierce, you thanked Mr. Spock and headed back down to your lab, trying to hide the little spring in your step from your Vulcan boss.
“Doctor McCoy!”
The doctor looked over as you waved at him, walking over as he ate lunch with a suddenly very amused Captain Kirk.
“Much more cheery now, I see.”
“All thanks to you,” you stopped and leaned casually on their table. “I’m so glad you found that other sample. I was literally going to have to start all over without it.”
It took the doctor a few moments and a playful nudge from Kirk to respond.
“Uh...my pleasure, Lieutenant,” he said, sounding a little confused. “It was the least I could do for pulling you away from your work so much.”
You weren’t phased by McCoy’s odd behavior-- you knew all too well what sleep deprivation did to people. What you noticed more was how amused Kirk seemed to be, pressing his lips together in a Cheshire grin as the two of you spoke.
“With all due respect, Captain, I don’t understand what you find so funny.”
“Oh, nothing, Lieutenant,” he kept his eyes trained across the room; you’d later learn he was flitting his baby blues between Spock in the distance and McCoy across from him. “I’m sure Dr. McCoy is happy to help whenever you need it.”
Now, Dr. McCoy is more observant than people give him credit for. Sure, every girl on the ship loved to talk about the good doctor’s “legendary hands,” but his work wasn’t all tactile. It was acute vision, as well. He noticed everything: the sparkle in your eyes at the favor he didn’t remember doing, the mischievous quirk of Jim’s lips as the captain watched the exchange.
And, oh, did he ever see the sneaky glances of Spock over to the table as he watched you fawn over the doctor.
That damn green-blooded hobgoblin was absolutely going to get it.
“Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!”
This is what you can hear through the vents above you as you work on your nucleotide analysis and Dr. McCoy apparently gives your boss a thorough talking-to.
You roll your eyes for a moment. You had no idea what the two had developed a disagreement over now. It can’t be any helpful to your research, so you decide to tune them out. A soft, logical, indiscriminate response would always follow a frustrated Southern boom. Whatever. Nucleotides were way more important than whatever hammer had dropped upstairs.
“I don’t need your help getting a date! I can flirt with Y/N myself, assuming she’ll actually say yes to a guy like me!”
He could flirt with who now?
You snapped your neck up at the very blunt statement. Suddenly, a lot of things started making sense. The frequent medbay visits. The skin sample.
You had little time to think about any of it, because sooner than you wanted, Dr. McCoy himself walked into your lab, looking a little humbled.
“Um...can I help you?”
“Spock said you needed a note-taker,” he said. “Figured I’d come lend a hand.”
“Oh, that’s date- GREAT.”
“Where did you get date from?”
“Just...listening around. Sciences blue gossip, you know.”
That was a lame excuse, and both of you knew it. You sighed and leaned back against your counter.
“I heard what you said to Spock upstairs.”
There had rarely been a time you could remember Dr. McCoy being floored when you had seen him. This was one of those times.
“You...what?” he asked, “I wasn’t that loud, was I?”
“My vent goes right up to the medbay,” you pointed at the fixture in question. “And...it’s not like your known for your docile nature.”
“Oh...” McCoy realized with a chastened look. “Oh.”
“Yeah...so...all those examinations?”
“It’s not like you could get to the medbay, otherwise,” he said. “I needed an excuse to talk to you. Guess Spock wasn’t happy with the way I was going about it.”
“And the replicator? The cell sample?”
“I think that green-blooded hobgoblin was trying to play matchmaker,” McCoy rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen, Y/N, I’d understand if you’re upset...I’m a little more prickly than most folks...and I already got the idea that you were all in a twist because of how much I was asking for you.”
“I was upset because of my work, not because of you,” you quickly corrected.
“Still...you don’t have to do anything just because I’m a dumbass with a crush on a damn pretty little scientist.”
“And what if I’m a dumbass with a crush on a grumpy, handsome doctor?”
“You don’t have to,” he insisted. You approached him, softly taking his hand and offering a small smile, like one would give a baby deer.
“But I want to.”
The more readily you responded to his testing kiss, the more outgoing he became. His hands moved from yours to your waist to your spine, pulling you closer to his broad frame. You had to perch up on your toes to reach around his neck and pull him closer. Coffee and whiskey flavor passed to your lips; nothing so bitter had ever seemed as sweet.
“I congratulate you both for your union as a new couple pursuing a relationship,” the voice of Spock suddenly interrupted your from the doorway, “however, I would advise you not to partake in any intimate acts of pleasure in an active laboratory.”
“Damn hobgoblin,” Leonard muttered under his breath. “Can’t get pissy over what happens in the turbo lift.”
For what it was worth, at least the Vulcan made a decent matchmaker.
#trek fest 2017#leonard mccoy x reader#bones x reader#bones mccoy x reader#doctor mccoy x reader#dr mccoy x reader#star trek imagine#star trek aos imagine#star trek into darkness imagine#star trek beyond imagine#good lord i love the spones dynamic#all the snark#all of it#and underneath the snark#is big nerds#being nerdy#this was longer than i intended oops#oh well#never too much bones
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Excessively Detailed Headcanon Meme YOU GOTTA DO ALL OF EM FOR SINK PLEASE RAE pls also have i mentioned that i love u lately
GEEZ FRIEND THAT’S A LOT OKAY UH
What does their bedroom look like? Covered in books and succulents and flowers/pretty rocks/spell ingredients in jars. She probably has one of those poster beds and dries bundles of nice-smelling herbs on the top of them so she can fall asleep to the smell of lavender. I can see her room being messy and cluttered in a Howl’s Moving Castle kinda way
Do they have any daily rituals? She likes to walk her garden at least once a day, and tries to read at least a few pages of whatever book she’s working through.
Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often? I can’t see her exercising anything but her mind tbh
What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy? She’s so used to living alone that she probably would need to adjust to the ‘there’s someone else in my kitchen’ thing first but she’d probably just kinda wait for them to be done in lieu of saying anything
Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.) lmao she’s a messy witch there’s spell ingredients and chalk marks and books EVERYWHERE but her clothing is always immaculate.
Eating habits and sample daily menu Uh I can only really picture her daily habits as an objecthead and they don’t eat sorry. If she is cooking for herself she probs enjoys easy things, or things she can grow herself.
Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time She doesn’t feel like a time waster, more an idler. She may drift through towns or cities without really interacting with anyone or anything, leaving early and taking the last train home, mostly due to the feeling of having nothing else to do and wanting to be surrounded by the world for a while
Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging Fuck man i dunno she likes novels a lot and sometimes will spend the whole day reading, only to crash into bed at 7am and sleep it off
Makeup? She used to try to cover her burn scars but it got too tedious (plus they reach down to her hands and wearing makeup on your hands is just ugh). She doesn’t like people looking at her face so she doesn’t really wear any.
Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such? uhhhh well she has the feeling that people don’t really like her/people are staring at her but idk if that would be a Neuroses
Intellectual pursuits? She is always trying to twist magic in unique ways and create new spells
Favorite book genre? Romantic Fantasy
Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general? She is like the one oc i was hoping would be gay yet ended up surprisingly straight. She doesn’t give much thought to orientations in general (also she’s fuckin thick as a vault door when it comes to relationships and/or seeing other people’s romantic feelings for others and/or herself) but just happens to be attracted to Male-leaning individuals
Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.) She’s got a big burn scar down half of her body, extending up to the left side of her face and down that shoulder/arm/hand/side. It’s mostly scar tissue now but it’s lighter than her normal skintone and thus very obvious, at least to her.
Biggest and smallest short term goal? biggest - to somehow convince Quet to keep coming over even after her debt is paid. smallest - to not get her balloon snagged on anything
Biggest and smallest long term goal? biggest - to somehow achieve the level of human attachment she sees around her. Smallest - To grow the most beautiful garden(tm)
Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress She loves pretty dresses and skirts and always wears tights (they used to cover the burns on her legs, now it’s just a habit). She always has the moon amulet around her neck and enjoys dramatic coats and scarves
Favorite beverage? idk why but ‘hot cocoa’ popped into my head
What do they think about before falling asleep at night? The stars. Books she’s read recently. Spells she wants to try. Hex.
Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them? I can’t really think of any? idk I haven’t thought much into her childhood except that she used to look up to witches in media. I’m sure at some point she got a stomach bug and spent two weeks marathoning harry potter and watching mary poppins on repeat
Turn-ons? Turn-offs? lmao i was gonna say she’s a sapiosexual but honestly even she’s not that pretentious. She does enjoy an intellectual conversation though. Turn-offs would be essentially anything crass or bigoted i suppose
Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen? I imagine some sort of list or plan or recipe would end up on the piece of paper, or multiple at different angles across the page
How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life? Not at all and yet they spend a surprisingly small amount of time actually looking for things. She knows where things are even if they’re sprawled everywhere.
Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all? they care a LOT about intellectual pursuits and especially magical ones, they enjoy evocations and transmutations
How do they see themselves 5 years from today? Probably in the same situation in the next town over
Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout? Honestly her plans are ‘exist in one place for as long as is convenient, leave as soon as you get the feeling people are growing tired of you’
What is their biggest regret? The botched spell that scarred her
Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy? Best friend - Quet. Worst Enemy- probably Run.
Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?) MAGIC
Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies) DENIAL
Most prized possession? Her wand
Thoughts on material possessions in general? I mean she has mostly fleeting things- plants live and die, ingredients are used up. The most static thing she has are the amulet, her wand and her books, and none of these hold any extrinsic value
Concept of home and family?She doesn’t have a very strong one. Home is where she is, family is who she’s related to. It takes her a while to accept the family that found her more recently
Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?) She’s very good at accidentally diving head-first into other people’s private lives, bc she has 0 experience with social cues
What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time? I don’t know if they consider anything they do to be a waste of time tbh
What makes them feel guilty? When they accidentally cross a line they didn’t know was there, and end up pushing people away because of it
Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making? DEFINITELY analytical
Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality? Uhh I’m mostly blanking but i think type B?
What recharges them when they’re feeling drained? Introvert time in the garden/tending to succulents
Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither? Superiority, definitely
How misanthropic are they? I have done 40 questions and I’m not ashamed to say i cannot recall the definition of misanthropic and am not going to look it up good day
Hobbies? Reading, gardening, making spell jars and hanging pots
How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education? She got pretty far in formal education (college at least) but sees no difference in where one gets their knowledge if they have it
Religion? I know a passing knowledge of wicca and paganism and I think Paganism? I really need to do more reading about it whoops
Superstitions or views on the occult? lmao she’s a witch my man
Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds? words, because they don’t know how else to.
If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal? *sideeyes @roseisfrommars‘s Hex* that one
How do they express love? Through quality time and small gestures, and tripping over words of admiration
If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like? lmao wands out and enchantments flying she’s not using her fists
Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not? girl she ded. she highkey already ded.
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