#it was an intense scene until i realized it was joel. he will always be jeff winger to me.
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Suddenly understanding the Jeremy Allen White thirst
#im watching The Bear bc im in a production of kinky boots and see a lot of parallels i think i can draw from#maybe its bc im the 'ayo edibiri'-like character#the black girl with big ideas to reform the beloved business everyones trying to save#who falls in love (?) with the white male main character who inherited the business as he takes her up as a business partner#im guessing sydney and carmy are endgame idk#anyway. i want his 5'7 ass so bad. he just looks like he KNOWS#oof and the tats and the biceps and ill say it. the smoking. the smoking and the intense emotions.#i would let him do unspeakable things to me#btw not joel mchale tormenting him bc hes short 💀💀💀💀#it was an intense scene until i realized it was joel. he will always be jeff winger to me.
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you know you never stood a chance - deleted scene #1.5
you know you never stood a chance series
deleted scene #1.5: because you look so fine
series masterlist
Joel Miller x f!reader
Words: 3.5k
Summary: set in the middle of deleted scene #1 (after Joel & Ellie come home but before you move in with them). Joel's acting weird lately.
Warnings: established relationship, technically spoilers for tlou pt 2 but no one goes golfing, poor communication, p in v, two idiots at the end of the world, fluff, tooth-rotting over the top fluff in the only way two assholes know how, oral (m&f receiving), brief Tommy & Maria cameos, a few butt slaps, good ole southern hospitality, when i started this i meant for joel to play guitar but sadly he does not.
also on ao3
dividers by @saradika-graphics
Joel’s been a little weird lately. In a very Joel way.
Or maybe not. You’re not really sure what to think of it.
Ever since that first day when he walked you home from dinner, and you didn’t invite him in, he’s been… awkward.
Or maybe he hasn’t. You don’t really know Joel. It’s a startling realization you had after he left that night.
You lived with him for six months and traveled the country with him, but neither of those were very good representations of him. When you shared the apartment, you only saw him to fuck. You didn’t hang out shooting the shit or have riveting conversations about current events over breakfast.
When you were out of the QZ with him and Tess, there was no talking. Not a single unnecessary word. He and Tess communicated silently. You were on a need-to-know basis and never had a need-to-know.
And those months traveling with Ellie? Well, you’d learned a little more about him, but also, he was under such intense stress that you’re not sure how much was Joel and how much was the situation.
He’s been a lot nicer since he got back to Jackson. Well. Maybe nicer isn’t the right word.
He’s been more talkative and smiled more. Most of the time, when he opens his mouth, though, it’s to be a sarcastic ass.
You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like it.
And, okay, maybe you do know him.
You decide maybe you’re the one being weird, so you let it go until the weirdness intensifies one Friday night.
Tommy had you both cornered at the mess on Thursday. “So y’all are coming to the Bison tomorrow, right? Ernie came back with a couple of guitars to try to round out the act.”
Joel perks up at this, and you watch him carefully. He’s never seemed interested in whatever goes on at the pub. “They work?”
“They need some love,” Tommy says. “Reckon you might be able to fix ‘em up?”
“Shit,” Joel says, the curse drawn out and low as he thinks. “I might. He gonna let me come ‘n take a look at ‘em?”
“You could probably swing by tonight; see if any of ‘em can be saved.”
Joel eyes your empty plate. “C’mon, I’ll walk ya home first.”
“The Bison is closer than my house,” you say, utterly perplexed by the way this conversation has gone. “I can walk myself.”
“Nah, that’s okay. I’ll come back after.”
You think it’s kind of silly but he’s insisted on walking you home every day. Every day that you don’t end up in his bed, anyway.
Every time, he holds your hand. Sometimes you talk, sometimes you let the warm summer silence lead you.
He always kisses you goodnight. Never as chaste as the first time, but never letting it get out of hand, either. He doesn’t ask to come in. He doesn’t try to start anything.
He’s respecting your boundaries, you think, and it’s kind of weird. But good weird.
Tonight, he lingers with his arms draped loose around your hips, holding you close there but letting you lean your upper body back against the siding. He’s got a look on his face that you can’t identify.
After a moment, he narrows his eyes and jostles you a little with one arm. “Gonna come with me to the Bison tomorrow?”
“Since when do you go to Friday Night Live?” you tease.
He scowls. “Since tomorrow.”
“You can’t say since tomorrow; that doesn’t make any sense.”
“Well, I just said it, didn’t I?” His face twists into something you do recognize.
“Hey,” you pout. “Why’re you mad?”
“M’not mad. Will you stop teasin’ me and answer the question?”
You’re so lost it’s not funny. But now you recognize the first expression. He was defensive.
“Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be a dick. Sure, Joel, if you’re goin’, I’ll come out and see what the fuss is.”
“Don’t gotta try to be something you just are,” he says. There’s a hint of a smirk lurking.
You bite down a smile, rolling your eyes.
“Alright, sweetheart. I’ll see ya tomorrow.” He leans down to kiss you.
“Whoa, mister. You already got a goodnight kiss. Getting greedy?”
He bites at your lip. “Hush,” he scolds, helping himself to several kisses. “That one expired. Gotta make it up to me.”
You’re grinning stupidly, now, but so is he. “Alright, you big baby. One more.”
But he stands up straighter and kisses your forehead instead. “G’night,” he murmurs.
As always, he waits until you’re inside with the door locked before he leaves.
You lie awake for too long, tucked in and cozy, but kept up by the colony of butterflies that he seems to have let loose with all that kissing.
You’re getting ready to head down to the Bison when there’s a knock at your door. You’re trying not to think about how weirdly nervous you feel.
It’s probably just from the thought of the crowd. There’s a reason you haven’t bothered to check out the bar. Small spaces and big crowds aren’t your idea of a good time.
Maybe they were, once. You don’t really remember anymore. Now, they remind you of the hangings back in Boston.
And that’s a train of thought you’d like to derail, so the knock is a nice distraction.
When you open the door, it’s Joel.
“Oh, hey. Thought I was meeting you downtown.”
“Figured I’d walk with ya,” he says. The words are almost mumbled, and he stands stiff just outside the door.
“Alright, gimmie a few, I was just gonna change.”
“Y’ain’t gotta do that, you look nice,” he says.
You raise your eyebrows. “Thanks?” And you gesture to where a pot of tomato soup had spilled down the side of your tee and then splattered across the bottom of your jeans when it hit the floor.
“Right,” he says.
“You can come in,” you say before heading up to your room.
You spend more time than you’d like picking something to wear. It’s those damn crowds, maybe, making you feel like you need to look nice.
In the end, though, you just pull on a clean tee and jeans with a flannel you’d nicked from Joel when you were out on the road. He hadn’t said anything about it so you figured he never even noticed. It helps, fortifying you against whatever’s making your heart beat out of your chest.
When you get back down, he’s standing in your kitchen. You stare, trying to force your brain to reboot and accept the image of him looming in your space.
He’s got a glass of water in one hand and the other wrapped tight over the edge of the basin.
“You okay?” you say.
He clears his throat and turns around. “Yeah, just needed this,” he gestures with the drink. “For, uh, for these.”
You blink a few times. There are flowers clutched in his other hand, stems trimmed to fit neatly inside.
“Okay,” you say with a shrug.
He sets the glass, now full of purple and yellow blossoms, on the counter.
“We better get going before Tommy sends a search party,” you tease, grabbing him by the belt loops. He lets you pull yourself in, leaning up for a kiss.
It’s syrupy, and his hands come to your waist so he can lick into your mouth, drawing soft moans from you both.
“There’s the hello I was lookin’ for,” he says. He looks you up and down. “Y’look real pretty, sweetheart.”
“You need your eyes checked, old man.” You move to the door, and he follows, waiting while you stuff your feet into your boots without bothering to untie them.
“Sure, let me just call the optometrist,” he rolls his eyes. “You know I like you in my clothes.” He’s patient while you lock the door, but as soon as your key is stowed in your pocket, he’s got your hands wrapped together.
It’s not until you’re sitting in the bar at a round table with Tommy and Maria that the gears finally come to a stop, and everything falls into place.
Joel’s dragged his chair to butt up against yours, and he’s got an arm slung around your shoulder. You’re leaning against him, talking to Maria about the equipment one of the patrol teams had found at an abandoned farm when your brain shorts out.
Of course, you don’t even get a second to process the thought before it spills from your mouth.
“Joel Miller,” you snap, sitting up and looking at him incredulously. “Is this a date?”
He pulls back a little, eyes wide and brows raised. “Yeah,” he says slowly, like he’s not the one that tricked you into this.
“Were you going to tell me?”
“I…” he looks wildly at Tommy and then back to you. “I thought you knew.”
“Let’s go get some drinks,” Maria says quietly. Her husband doesn’t get the hint, and she has to hiss in his ear about privacy before yanking him away from the table.
“You thought I knew? How would I have known?”
“I’ve been courtin’ ya for weeks,” he says, scowling. “Didn’t think I needed to spell it out for ya.”
“You’ve been what?”
He flushes a little but stands his ground. “Courtin’ ya. Y’know.”
“What are you talking abo—oh. Oh.” A lot of things are starting to make more sense. The flowers. The hand holding. The sweet partings. The way he pulls out your chair at the table.
“What the hell are you doin’ that for?”
He huffs a breath, arms folding across his chest. “Well, never mind.”
You take a deep breath, but it catches, stuttering in the suddenly humid room. “Can we talk about this outside?”
He must see it on your face because he puts a worried hand on your shoulder to steer you through the crowd.
Once in the open, soothed by the slightly cooler breeze, you cover your face with both hands.
“Joel,” you start.
“I was just tryin’ to do right by you this time around,” he tells the patch of grass under his boots.
You can’t help but smile just a little bit. “That’s sweet, but I don’t need you to do all that.”
He looks up at you, mouth still twisted down. But you see it for what it is again. Worry.
“You don’t have to try so hard, Joel; you already know I’m a sure thing.”
“I’m not just tryin’ to fuck you,” he snaps. His hands are clenched into fists, and he won’t look at you now. “I’m tryin’ to… I’m tryin’ to show you—”
You step closer, and he doesn’t shy away, but he does shut his mouth. You wrap your fingers back around his belt loops. “I know,” you say. “But I don’t need all that. I just need you. Just you.”
“I’m no good at this,” he grumbles.
“At what?”
“At… this,” he puts his hands on your hips. “At bein’… at relationships,” he finishes. His ears are red. “Never was.”
“Me neither,” you say. “But I’ve only had the one back before. You coulda lied and pretended to be a pro, and I’d never have known.”
He rolls his eyes and kisses the top of your head. “Just, are you… do you want to be—“
“Joel Miller, are you asking me to go steady?” you grin a little wickedly. “You wanna be my boyfriend? My boo? My beau?”
“Christ,” he says, wiping a hand down his face and groaning. He takes your hand and tugs, heading down the street.
You let him pull you along, still giggling and throwing everything you can think of at him as he weaves through the streets.
“You gonna call me shawty? Gonna make me your girl?”
He stops, and you run smack into him. “Yeah,” he says.
“What?” You hadn’t even realized you’d made it to his house, but he crowds you against it just to the side of the door. “You wanna call me shawty?” You can’t say you expected that.
He rolls his eyes. “I’m gonna make you my girl,” he says. His voice is low, with his head tucked close enough that his breath brushes your ear. One hand is on your hip, and the other is pushing the door open and sliding the key back into his pocket.
Shit, that was smooth.
“What? Ain’t got nothin’ smart to say now?”
You open your mouth, but only a squeak comes out, so you shut it and shake your head.
“Yeah? You wanna be my girl?”
Your throat’s so dry, you think you’d never had water, so you just nod a little, looking up at him through your lashes.
He smirks and kisses you, hands roaming as he walks you backward into the house. When he pushes you down onto the bed, you realize you don’t even remember climbing the stairs.
Or taking off your pants.
He makes quick work of your shirts and bra but then pulls the flannel back on you. You roll your eyes, but it quickly becomes involuntary when he runs a finger across your slit.
“Aw, sweetheart. You’re all wet. Somethin’ got you all worked up?”
But you aren’t so far gone yet that you can’t bite back.
“Yeah, turns out this hot guy has a huge crush on me, but he was too scared to ask me out. A shame, really.”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Well, I really wanted to suck his dick, but I don’t date chickens.”
“Well, that’s just not very nice. You’re hurtin’ my feelings, sweetheart.”
“Big tough guy like you?”
His fingers brush against your clit for little more than a second before he pulls his hand away. “Yeah, I reckon you’re going to have to make it up to me.”
He stands up straight. “Get to it.”
You grin and bring your hands up to his belt, taking your sweet time to drag the end from the loop and tug it away from the buckle. You flick the prong back just as he growls his impatience.
He tugs it out of the loops and tosses it on the ground as you slip the button loose and drag the pull down the teeth of his zipper one by one.
He grabs your chin, fingers digging dimples into your smug grin. “Think you’re bein’ cute, huh?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just trying to do a good job.”
“Gotta have it in your mouth to do a good job, sweetheart. I taught you how to suck dick better than this.”
He smirks when your eyes darken and you whimper a little at the memory. He lets go of your jaw and shoves two thick fingers in your mouth.
When he pulls them back out, he shows you how wet they are. “You’re fuckin’ droolin’ for it, sweetheart.”
“Uh huh,” you mumble. But your fingers are nimbler, making deft work of the zipper and tugging his pants down.
When his cock springs free, you waste no time swallowing it down. Damn. You had meant to drag it out and tease him.
“See? Ain’t that better?” He strokes your cheek before cupping the back of your head. “So fuckin’ pretty like this.”
You moan and look up at him through your lashes. He groans and pushes you down on his cock until your nose is buried in the thicket of hair at the base.
“Yeah? You feel pretty with my cock in your mouth?” His other hand cups under your jaw, stroking your cheek with his thumb. “My pretty girl,” he murmurs.
There’s a foreign ache in your chest. You use it to distract you while you choke on him, letting him fill your throat and mind.
He fucks you like that for a few minutes, pulling out abruptly. “Hands ‘n knees, sweetheart.”
You obey immediately, though you settle on your elbows instead, a pillow tucked between your arms and head. He gropes at your ass, squeezing and rubbing his hands over it before he gives it a few firm smacks.
As if he can sense the complaint you’re about to make, he spreads you apart and buries his face in your cunt. You forget all about your impatience—you may still yearn for his cock, but his tongue is a hell of a consolation prize.
He’s fucking ravenous. He nuzzles in—you’re absolutely going to have beard burn—and devours. Two fingers pump in and out of your cunt while he licks around and in, and you can’t really tell where he ends, and you begin. It’s all so wet and rough and blissful that you reach your orgasm in no time at all.
But he pulls away, yanking himself from you with heaving breath while you cry out in disappointment.
“Beg,” he growls, slapping your ass before starting to build you up again.
You do. You beg endlessly, pleas and whines and praise spilling from your lips, broken by gasps and cries, but when you’re close, he pulls away again.
He kisses your swollen labia when you nearly sob in frustration.
“Mean,” you peek over your shoulder at him so he can see your wet eyes and exaggerated pout.
“Yeah,” he smirks. “Just like you were earlier, teasin’ me.”
You gasp. “I made it up to you!”
He scoffs. “Yeah, but ya woulda sucked my cock anyway.”
Damn. He’s not wrong. That was as much for you as it was for him.
He’s stroking your clit gently, now, and you’re having a hard time keeping your brains in a line. Or ducks. Whatever it is, they’re not doing a very good job because you can’t remember what you’re mad about.
“Please,” you whimper.
“Please, what, sweetheart? You need my tongue back?”
“Yes—fuck,” you gasp as he stuffs three fingers in your cunt.
“Hmm. Better apologize.”
“I’m sorry!” you say immediately.
He shakes his head. “Sorry for what?”
“I’m sorry I was teasing you, please, god-fucking—”
He’s sucking on your clit, pistoning his fingers hard enough that it almost matches the way his cock knocks your brain out.
Finally, finally, he doesn’t pull away. When you reach the edge, abdomen seizing, he works you through it and doesn’t stop until you’re whimpering on the other side.
He stands up, and you’d complain, but you’re too fucked out. Plus, he’s fully out of his jeans now, and all you have to do is stay like this, on your knees with your ass in the air.
He fists himself and drags the head up and down, parting you minutely but never slipping in. “Goddamn, you’re drippin’ for me.”
Your face is smushed into the pillow, but your moan is loud enough for him to hear.
“Whose cunt is this, sweetheart?”
“Wha?” you mumble.
He slaps your ass. “I said, whose pretty little cunt is this?”
“Yours, Joel.”
“And whose girl are you?”
You moan. “Yours, Joel.”
“That’s damn right.” He slams hard into you. “Say it.”
“I’m yours, Joel. I’m your girl.”
“Fuck yeah you are,” he grunts, thrusting deep on each go, barely pulling out only to slam right in. “And I’m all yours, sweetheart.”
You’re embarrassed about it later when he teases you, but his words make you cum.
“That’s it, good fuckin’ girl, cum on my cock. Just how I like it.”
His hand rubs over your lower back as he talks you through it, and it spills over into another orgasm as you clench and shake around him.
His mouth is filthy tonight, peppered with the grunts and moans you love to soak in. His hands never leave you. Eventually, he stops to roll you over and fucks into you with your knees bent up to your chest. Your fingers dig into his arms desperately as the force of his thrusts knock the air out of you over and over and over.
“Fuck, sweetheart, cup your tits for me,” he pants, pulling out and holding his cock at the base while it weeps, and when you obey, he tugs once, twice, before covering them in his cum.
“Shit,” he says, chest heaving as he catches himself on one arm near your head, hovering over you. “Shit, sweetheart. So good to me.”
He lowers himself onto his side next to you and traces an idle finger through the mess on your chest.
“Did you just fucking write your name in cum on my tits?”
“No,” but he doesn’t tell you what he did write.
He kisses you instead, and you roll your eyes but kiss him back.
You wait until after he’s cleaned you both off and settled back in bed beside you.
“So what’s it gonna be? You gonna call me boo or babe? Or babycakes?”
He rolls his eyes. “Will you knock it off?”
“No,” you admit.
“‘Sides, I ain’t gotta come up with somethin’.”
You pour. “Why not? What if I want a cutesy nickname?”
He rolls onto his side and looks you in the eye. “Already call ya sweetheart, don’t I?”
You flush, heart stuttering. “Oh yeah,” you whisper.
“Good enough for ya?”
“Uh-huh,” you say. “It’s perfect… sweetcheeks.”
His pillow smacks you in the face, and you cackle.
*title from "Are You Gonna Be My Girl" by Jet
#joel miller x reader#joel miller x you#joel miller x f!reader#joel miller x f!oc#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#tlou smut#tlou fic#the last of us smut#fic: you know you never stood a chance
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Without Warning - Mafia!Joel Miller Scene 2
AU Mafia!Joel Miller x Original Female Character
Rating: T (language, sexual themes, mentions of drugs)
Minors DNI. 18+ content!
Scene 1 Scene 3
Summary: Joel returns to the Tipsy Bison with his mind on one thing only after doing business near the border. Even though he feels out of practice, he somehow manages to get the girl, until she finds the literal gun in his pants.
A week goes by, Indi works another three nights without seeing him again. She thinks about that night more than she’d like to admit. After the initial shock had worn off, she realized how incredibly hot it was for this silver fox to come out of nowhere and stand up for her. Yes, he was a little intense for someone simply bumping into her, but something about those dark eyes and broad shoulders had her pulse fluttering and thighs clenching.
It was a slower night, and she had just closed out her last tab. It wasn’t even nine yet and the place was looking dead. She leaned on the bar at the service well, helping Jared cut limes.
“Like is it me? Am I the problem? Is there something on my face that says I like being played by idiots with nice butts?” Jared ranted, slicing a lime in half with much more force than needed.
“Of course not,” Indi said with a small smile, always there for her friend’s dating rants.
“Like I swear, Michael, the last guy I was talking to,” he went on, rolling his eyes and sticking his tongue out in disgust, “I swear, his entire goal in life is to be as petty as the Greek gods, this man could not just let things go,” he huffed.
“Michael was the one with the nose ring, right?” she clarified.
“Yeah, hot piercings, huge dick, no communication skills whatsoever,” he grumbled.
“I think your energy just attracts people wanting to steal it,” she said thoughtfully, “plus you have a nice butt, so that doesn’t help,” she adds, leading both to laugh for a moment.
“Hey Jared, it’s dead tonight, I’ll keep an eye on the bar, why don’t you head out early?” Tommy offered, coming up to them from the other end.
“Oh hell yeah, you don’t need to tell me twice,” Jared said, immediately perking up, “Is it cool if I hang out here for a bit though? I have food on the way,” he admitted.
“Sure kid, I’ll even pour you a drink while you wait,” Tommy shrugged with that easygoing smile Indi had grown to enjoy.
He wasn’t here every night, but tried to show up for a bit as often as possible. She’d learned that this is more of a side business for him, his real work being with Joel doing construction or contracting or something.
“Want a shot, Indi?” Tommy asked, breaking her from her thoughts.
“I’m on the clock though?” she pointed out softly, obviously confused by his offer.
Both Tommy and Jared let out a short laugh, Jared coming around the bar to sling his arm around her and playfully pinch her cheek. She retaliated by elbowing him in the ribs with a small pout.
“Don’t worry, darlin’, a shot or two never hurt no one, plus it’s not like we’re doing much tonight anyways,” Tommy said, smoothly pouring two shots of whiskey and a shot of vodka at Indi’s request, sliding a glass to the two on the other side of the bar.
They tapped their glasses together, each one throwing the shot back with practiced ease. Tommy didn’t miss the slight grimace on her face though after she had swallowed and shook her head.
The trio looked up simultaneously when they heard someone enter. Indi could feel Jared tense up beside her, his arm still around her as they watched Joel walk over to the same corner table as before, sitting with his back to the wall, eyes on his phone as he sent a text. God, he was gorgeous, ruffled hair, heavy boots, and a light coating of dust on his pants.
“Ah shit, here comes trouble,” Tommy said, grabbing a glass from the drying rack and pouring a double shot of bourbon, “here Indi, take this over to ‘m, I already know he’ll start his bullshit if I go over there,” he explained, sliding the rocks glass towards her.
“What do you mean?” she asked as she accepted the glass, wrapping a napkin around the bottom.
“He won’t talk shop if he’s got a pretty face distractin’ ‘im,” Tommy explained with a sly wink, turning around before she could argue to check on the few barflies that still remained.
“Good luck, dude,” Jared said with a scoff, removing his arm with a knowing smirk, having heard about Joel’s previous antics from the other waitresses.
She took a deep breath, suddenly nervous to do the one thing she’d been hired to do - bring a drink to someone. Moving slowly across the concrete floor, she approached Joel’s table, setting the glass down between them. He looked up from his phone momentarily, his eyes widening briefly as he realized it was her.
“Hey sugar,” he greeted her coolly, tucking his phone into his pocket, not even bothering to finish the message he was typing, “Appreciate it,” he said, nodding to the drink, but not touching it.
“Do…you want something else?” she asked cautiously, unsure of whether he usually ordered something different.
Joel’s gaze drifted slowly from the top of her head to her feet. She sported some black thigh high socks with little ribbons just above her knees this time. Paired with the usual black top and pleated black skirt, Joel felt his cock twitch at the sight of her. Absolutely fucking gorgeous. He was glad that the Bison was basically empty, besides the same few old fucks who practically lived in those bartstools near the TVs.
“Why don’t you keep me company for a bit? I’m sure Tommy won’t mind. ‘s not like you're busy, right?” he suggested, sitting a little straighter as she blinked at him with those gorgeous wide eyes.
“I, um…o-okay,” she agreed before her nerves could talk herself out of it.
That deep voice seasoned with his southern drawl and those mesmerizing dark eyes had her terrified and excited at the same time. Something about the older man looking at her like a hungry predator, a tall, dark-haired, gorgeous predator who she would happily lay herself out for if he wanted to feast on her dripping wet-.
“Darlin? You okay?” he asked, breaking her concentration.
She realized she had just been standing and staring at him for longer than what was probably necessary. With a short nod and timid smile, she reached for the chair directly across from him. The slight jump of surprise when she was met with resistance had her looking down at the chair, noticing his boot hooked on one of the legs, keeping it in place.
“Why so far away, sweetheart? Gonna have to sit a lil’ closer, got bad hearing in one ear,” he explained easily, stretching his arm to pull out the chair directly to his left.
“O-okay,” she agreed, moving quickly to take a seat, feeling awkward and exposed under his heated stare.
Once seated, Joel brought his arm around the back of her chair. She sat straight up, not even touching the backrest, but she could still feel the heat from him radiating against her bare arms.
“How’s your first week been? Anyone givin’ you any trouble?” he asked, spreading his legs a little wider, leaning back comfortably in his chair, his fingers silently tapping against his still-full glass.
“It’s good, no trouble at all, actually. I’m liking it here a lot,” she said, turning to check the bar only to find Tommy and Jared watching them, whispering to each other conspiratorially.
“Don’t mind them,” Joel spoke softly, drawing her attention back to him, “I’m glad they haven’t scared you off yet, would hate to lose a pretty thing like you,” he continued, finally lifting the drink to his lips, speaking the last part around the rim before finishing the content in one swift movement.
“R-really?” she asked softly, her cheeks feeling warm from his words, her body buzzing eagerly as she smiled bashfully.
“Really, really,” he agreed coolly, “Got the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen, darlin’,” he added, bringing his hand up to rub the pad of his thumb against her cheek, barely touching her, his eyes focussed on where their skin connected, reveling in the electric vibrations he felt with each graze of her skin.
“You tell that to all your waitresses?” she questioned with a teasing little smirk.
Joel chuckled, closing his eyes with a light shake of his head. His little kitten had some fire in her, a spark of sass barely peeking above the surface just then. It made him want to know more, to see every color of her. Dropping his hand, he brought his arm around the back of her chair again, gripping the side and suddenly pulling her closer to him. The scrape of the wood on the cement floors had the handful of occupants looking their way. He noticed her slight jump afterwards.
“Didn’t mean to scare you, sweetheart,” he said with another low chuckle, leaning closer to her, “This okay?”
“Y-yeah…this is okay,” she agreed, sounding breathless as his scent invaded her senses.
He couldn’t help himself. Now that she was so close and he could smell her perfume mixed with her natural scent, see the goosebumps along her arm, and heard the little uptake in her breath when he leaned closer. The details were heightened even more than that first night and Joel just couldn’t get enough.
“And to answer your question, you’re the only waitress I’m tellin’ this to,” he said, admiring the growing tint of pink on her cheeks.
Everything in his body was screaming at him to kiss her, to take her home and ravish her. He wanted to hear every little noise she could make for him, feel the goosebumps on her skin, mark her as his own. His cock was aching in his pants as she batted her lashes, looking up at him so innocently, those pouty lips begging to be kissed raw.
Joel made the mistake of looking over her shoulder, finding Tommy staring at them. When the brothers' eyes met, Tommy arched his brow in question. Joel had never made a move on any of the waitresses before. Hell, Joel hadn’t made a move in so long, Tommy had just assumed he’d given up on things like that. Jared was also watching closely, holding a to-go box close to his chest, stuffing his face with Thai food as he watched his friend get hit on by the biggest, most dangerous crime lord this side of the Mississippi.
The lack of privacy made Joel suddenly uncomfortable. His mind and body were too aware of their surroundings when less than thirty seconds ago, he was ready to pull Indi against him and kiss her innocence away. He chooses to lean back in his seat instead, his arm still around the back of her chair but still not touching.
“Tommy said you go to UT, must mean you’re pretty and smart,” he commented.
“Oh, I don’t know about that,” she scoffed, her blush only growing as she fidgeted in her seat, looking down at her hands.
Joel followed her gaze, his attention drawn to her tattoo. He could now see all the finer details. It was an intricate piece of crescent moons, line art and stars. Wanting to get her to relax a little, he asked her about it. She told him a little about the design itself and why she got it. He then asked about the one on her shoulder. She turned in her seat, bringing her hair to one side as she showed him the ink on her shoulder blade.
He could tell she wasn’t the biggest fan of talking about herself by the limited details and questions directing the focus back to him that seemed to follow her answers.
“Want something to drink? On me of course,” he offered after a lull in the conversation, finding any excuse to keep her beside him.
“I’m technically still working,” she said, that gorgeous smile making it hard for Joel to focus on her words.
“Well let’s change that, huh?” he suggested with a smirk, getting up from the table, heading right towards Tommy who was restocking the bar, Jared nowhere in sight.
“Can I have my employee back, now that you’ve got her all flustered and shit?” his brother teased.
“Actually, I was gonna suggest you send ‘er home for the night,” Joel said, glancing over his shoulder to find Indi making her way over to them.
“Who’s going to close if I send ‘er home?” Tommy questioned with a scowl, but Joel could see the amusement in his eyes.
“Your bar, you close,” Joel shrugged, “Let her take the night, Tommy, come on,” he insisted with a scowl of his own.
“Who’s getting sent home?” Indi asked, coming to stand beside Joel, looking so small next to his larger form.
“Apparently you,” Tommy said with a snicker.
“Joel,” she said, looking up at him with a mixture of shock and exasperation, “you can’t just do that…”
It was the first time she had actually said his name to him. The syllables on her lips were world-shattering for him, his name never sounding so sweet until she uttered it. He wanted to hear her say his name over and over again. He briefly wondered what she would sound like wrapped in his arms, head thrown back in pleasure…
“Joel…Joel!” Tommy snapped, snapping his fingers in front of his brother’s face.
“Yeah, yeah, I hear you,” Joel huffed, rolling his eyes.
“Up to you, darlin’, if you want to stay, I’m closin’ up in the next couple hours anyways, wasting money keeping an empty bar open,” Tommy said to her.
Joel looked down at her, watching her expression as she contemplated the offer. The way she bit her lower lip as she considered her options had him wanting to bite her lip with his own teeth, among other places.
“I guess I could use a night off,” she said slowly after the long silence.
Without realizing it, Joel felt his shoulders relax just a touch. She looked between the two men, like she wanted to say something else. Joel resisted the urge to reach out and touch her, pull her close, feel her body against his own, offer some sort of comfort. Tommy set two shot glasses down, pouring something clear in one before sliding it over to Indi. He opted for well whiskey in the other, taking it for himself. Joel raised his brow questioningly at his brother.
“Oh I’m sorry, you want me to pour your drink too, princess?” Tommy asked sarcastically, rolling his eyes with a grin as he set another glass in front of Joel along with his preferred bourbon.
“You’re cut off, asshole,” Joel huffed, easily pouring a shot for himself, feeling Indi watching their interaction with a little grin.
“Can’t cut off the boss,” Tommy fired back, raising his glass to the two of them before downing it.
Indi followed suit, taking her shot like a champ with minimal cringing. Joel couldn’t help but notice how cute her little scrunched up expression was as she swallowed her shot. He tipped back the contents of his own glass with ease, downing it like water, exhaling slowly through his nose as he set his glass down.
“Last I checked, I’m the boss,” he reminded his brother, “Get your stuff, darlin’, I’ll drive you home,” he added to Indi before he could consider how that might come off to her.
She giggled, seeming less affected by his gruff directness. “Yes, sir,” she said with a playful smile, walking towards the back room to collect her things, her response stoking that fire she’d started in him when he first saw her.
Once she was out of hearing range, Tommy couldn’t contain his laughter. He continued to snicker even as Joel glared at him.
“Since when do you drive anyone home besides yourself?” Tommy asked.
“Watch your mouth, baby brother, I’m not in the mood to deal with you tonight,” Joel grumbled, rolling his eyes.
“What are you even doin’ here, man? I thought you’d head straight home after gettin’ back from the border.”
“Wanted to stop by for a drink,” Joel muttered, looking down at the wooden bartop.
“I know your liquor cabinet is stocked way better than what we got here, so cut the crap, Joel, just say you wanted t’ see ‘er,” Tommy responded, collecting the glasses and tossing them in the sink.
“What’s it matter to you?” Joel questioned, feeling his defenses start to rise.
“She’s a good worker, wouldn’t want to lose her because you don’t know how to ask a girl out,” he shrugged with a chortle.
“Fuck off,” Joel fired back, ready to say more, but spotted Indi coming towards them with a bag on her shoulder.
“What’s so funny?” she asked, noticing Tommy’s trembling shoulders as he tried to contain his snickering.
“Nothin’, let’s go,” Joel said before his brother could open his mouth, bringing an arm around but still not touching her as he guided her towards the front door.
“Y’all kids be safe now, y’ hear!” Tommy called after them, the echoes of his laughter following them out the door.
Once they were outside, Joel noticed the only other car in the lot besides his truck was Tommy’s truck. Indi kept close to him as they walked towards his vehicle.
“You walk to work?” Joel asked, unlocking the truck and opening the passenger door for her.
“Jared gave me a ride, my car’s in the shop right now,” she explained, climbing up into the seat.
Once they were both buckled in, the truck started with a low rumble, the interior shaking momentarily from the force of the startup. She looked over at him with those eyes, that alluring gaze that suggested more than her innocent demeanor would leave others to believe. He swallowed the dryness in his throat, realizing they’re now completely alone, the dimly lit parking lot casting shadows across them as he looked her over.
He shifted his body towards, one hand on the steering wheel, his other arm resting on the edge of the center console. In the enclosed space, her scent invaded all his senses, overwhelming his mind.
“You know, I could hear Tommy from the break room,” she said quietly, looking down at her hands in her lap, an coy grin on her face.
“Oh yeah?” he replied stiffly, feeling his stomach drop at her revelation, fearing Tommy’s big mouth had somehow fucked up any chance he had with getting close to her.
“Is it true?” she asked, glancing nervously up at him.
“Is what true, sweetheart?” he asked softly, his eyes drawn to her lips as she turned her body towards him, unbuckling her seatbelt and leaning slightly on the center console towards him.
“That you came here because…you wanted to, um, see…me?” she asked hesitantly.
He bit his lip, his eyes drifting down to her own lips, so close and so inviting. Amusement spread across her features as her lips twitched up into a small grin. Joel tried opening his mouth once, twice, three times but nothing came out. He must have looked like a damn fish, completely at a loss of words and floundering painfully.
“If it was true?” he finally choked out, his body thrumming with nerves.
God he felt so pathetic, fucking fifty years old and stumbling over a girl like a damn teenager. She reached across the console to put her hand just above his denim-covered knee, still a bit dusty from having to shoot a guy in the middle of the desert, but she didn’t need to know that.
“I’d be very happy if it was true,” she said softly, squeezing his leg lightly.
He huffed out a breath of relief, a nervous laugh breaking the stillness around them. Looking down at her hand on his leg, brought his own hand, much larger and rougher, over hers. She watched as he brought her hand to his lips, the edge of his mustache tickling her knuckles as he pressed his lips to her fingers. She could feel the slight tremble in his hand as he exhaled slowly.
“Joel?” she asked gently, her eyes focussed on where his lips pressed against her skin.
“Yeah, sugar?” he mumbled against her fingers, eyes closing slowly as he inhaled her scent.
She squeezed his hand, causing him to open his eyes and realize she had inched closer, her face dangerously close to his own, her body now leaning fully over the middle console. He shuddered, feeling his heart start to beat a mile a minute, threatening to burst out of his chest.
“Will you kiss me?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper as she glanced between his eyes and his mouth.
“Anything you want,” he agreed before closing the space between them, both his hands coming up to hold her face.
The kiss started slow and tender. Joel couldn’t help the satisfied groan when he was able to taste her lips, a hint of vodka mixed with her coconut chapstick. She allowed him to guide her, to lead the kiss and set the pace. The more he tasted, the more he wanted, his mouth beginning to move more fervidly, his tongue tracing her lips before sliding along her own.
When his hand moved to hold the nape of her neck, she whimpered softly, her own fingers twisted into the material of his shirt. The little noise was enough to set Joel’s desire ablaze, his other hand sliding down her arm to grip her waist. Surprisingly Joel felt much more in control of himself then he expected he would be. He hadn’t kissed someone like this in so long, but his body seemed to know exactly what to do.
“J-Joel,” she sighed against his mouth, “fuck, Joel,” she moaned, her eyes blissfully shut, head tilted back as his mouth drifted down her jaw to her neck, the scruff of his beard scratching deliciously against her skin.
“Like how you say m’ name, sweetheart,” he muttered into the crook of her neck, biting lightly which earned a higher pitched moan and her fingers moving to tightly grip the hair at the back of his neck.
He brought his mouth back to hers, hungry for more, more of her taste, more of her sounds, just more of her. No amount of drugs could match the high he was feeling as her nails scratched lightly along the back of his neck and her mouth on his. One of her hands drifted down his chest, her palm tracing down side and up his back. Fuck, he never enjoyed someone touching him so much.
Just as he was about to give in and pull her over the console into his seat, she tensed. Pulling back, he realized how heavily they were both breathing, one hand holding her jaw, the other on the curve of her hip, his thumb drawing small circles into the material of her shirt, itching to lift it up enough to feel her skin.
“W-what’s wrong, baby girl?” he asked with half-lidded eyes, feeling how stiff her body suddenly became and how she had let go of his hair.
She was looking at him with wide eyes, almost like she was frozen in place. Joel suddenly realized where her other hand had stopped, at the curve of his lower back, close enough to his belt to graze the 9mm he had forgotten was on him. She leaned away from him, bringing her hands back to herself.
“Joel…is that a gun?”
Scene 3
#joel miller#joel miller au#joel miller imagine#joel miller x reader#joel miller fluff#joe miller fanfic#mafia joel miller#pedro pascal imagine#pedro pascal au
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tlou episode 9 thoughts!!
- I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I'M SO HAPPYYYY this has always been my favorite theory for why ellie is immune and it also means that, however unlikely, there actually could be other immune people out there. it wouldn't benefit the narrative to meet any other immune people yet, but in the future...? like a third game...?
- baby ellie just popped right out huh fksjfkd i guess the quickest way to speed up labor is to kill a zombie
- hearing ashley johnson's voice, especially hearing her use her sweet baby voice brought me to tears immediately
- joel seems a lot more aware & understanding of why ellie is so checked out, but still tries to cheer her up. in the game he's well-meaning but pretty much clueless. i like this change!!
- the giraffe scene was perfect, 10/10, no notes
- "i'll follow you wherever you go" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
- i'm a fucking mess because of that conversation by the medical tents, that was an incredible moment to add and i wasn't expecting it at all. the look on ellie's face when she realizes that it's her, she's the one that "healed all wounds"
- no sarah photograph? :(
- "we didn't tell her, we didn't cause her any fear" FUCK! that's the problem!!! the problem is that ellie would die for the cure if you gave her the option, but you were too chicken shit to tell her the truth! everyone in this room has their own (selfish) motivations and no one is thinking about ellie, not really, not even joel. IT MAKES ME CRAZY AHHHHH YOU'RE ALL COWARDS
- the hospital shootout was everything i wanted and so much more. joel found his reason to live and god help him, he'll fight for it -- no matter how many lives he needs to take to get there. it was so intense and the music was beautiful and it was just gory enough to make you feel the weight of the brutality without feeling like it's a cheesy slasher. also loved how many times joel reloading or switched guns. and his dead eyes throughout the whole scene are haunting
- wow, killing jerry happened so damn fast!! in the game, you can stand in front of him forever and he'll just keep pointing his knife at you (and in the remake he pleads with joel, "this is our future, think of all the lives she'll save.") but i love the decision to shoot him in the blink of an eye. joel is beyond caring about anything other than ELLIE ELLIE ELLIE. i do like that he doesn't kill the nurses though, because it's a purely practical mission: save ellie. everyone else is just in the way.
- no abby sighting? :( i really thought there would be one :(
- i'm a little bummed that the themes were spelled out so specifically by marlene and joel's last conversation, but eh, whatever. TV audiences tend to need things spelled out clearer lol. i'm a little surprised they took out the line "how long until she's torn apart by a pack of clickers? that is, if she hasn't been raped and murdered first". considering what happened last episode, i felt that line would ring more true than ever. kinda underwhelmed by this confrontation tbh, which is sad because it's so pivotal
- ohhhh god he expanded upon the lie 😭 that hurt so much worse. i'm devastated for ellie
- joel talking about sarah felt more painful than i previously thought possible. also adorable how he doesn't want to offend ellie by calling her "not girly" ajfjsjfksj
- maybe i'm just blinded by my love for the game, but i don't like any of the dialogue they changed in the final scene. joel's original speech is SO poignant and perfect but i didn't get the same emotion from this one. and there was no glance at his watch :( i would've preferred keeping riley's fate vague (we already knew anyway), because "i'm still waiting for my turn" is so much more emotional to me. ugh. i'm a little peeved they changed so much about this scene that has long been considered as close to perfect as possible :(
- i don't want to end on a bad note so let me just say that the entire experience of watching this show has been incredible beyond words. seeing a game i love so much be treated with care and passion, opening up a whole new world for people who never would have known about it before this... it's just amazing. i'm so grateful that this show exists and feels like a love letter to the fans rather than a cash grab. it's so damn beautiful
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tlou hbo s1 ep5 thoughts (spoilers)
i don’t know why but i was surprised that the fedra overthrow happened so recently? in the fourth ep it seemed like it happened years ago and that kathleen had been running the militia group for a while
the parallel of henry telling sam to look at him and not at the rebel activity and joel saying the same thing to sarah in the first ep
reallyyy liked the line about ‘burning the bodies’ because of how it connects back to ep4, where one of the first shots of kansas city was of a giant pile of ash and bones. like you don’t think much of it in that moment beyond maybe like ‘oh shit something happened here’ so getting that extra layer feel very fulfilling
kathleen sitting and talking with all those prisoners caused me so much pain mostly because it reminded me of like every shitty know-it-all teacher with a superiority complex i had in middle/high school. but honestly it kind of works for the character like the fixation on doing what she wants and getting everyone else to fall in line,, idk it was just a genuinely terrifying characterization tbh and for that i liked it
i kinda wish they explained the relationship between perry and kathleen more, perry is literally ride or die for her but we have no idea why and it makes that side of the story feel a lot more emotionless than it could’ve been
i like the fact that sam is deaf in the show, mostly because it’s a new perspective on how people navigate the apocalypse. it was cool to see the different ways he communicates with people, or the ways he and henry have to adjust their actions to account for his lack of awareness. i do think it felt a little cheap in the sense that they only did it to make him rely more on henry, all of the important scenes with sam were the same as the game so it didn’t feel as if making him deaf enhanced those scenes.
absolutely LOVE this henry’s characterization. in the game he seemed way older for his age because he had more experience and was a lot more intense about things, like not letting sam play soccer and that sort of thing. but in the show he actually feels more like his age, maybe even a bit younger. he’s inexperienced, scared, immediately looks up to joel in almost a mentor-mentee way. he’s more lenient with just letting sam be a kid (and this could also be due to the fact that sam is younger here) which gives him a bit of his own child-like wonder. idk i just liked that they made him a bit lighter, a bit more earnest
the re’s all sorts of parallels in this ep i love it. henry having ellie and joel at gun point and he tells joel to look at him, not at sam, the same way marlene tells joel to point the gun at her, not at ellie. just the same drive towards protection
i don’t know why it never occurred to me that fedra could be like. worse or better depending on which qz you live in lol. like the games always characterized them as like a shit government period but never really went into nuance, so it wasn’t until the scene where joel and henry talk about it where it liked clicked to me that some could be worse than others. really makes the whole kansas city storyline feel a lot fuller now
“you ran into two clickers and you’re still alive” this line hurt so much. like he didn’t mean anything by it but he doesn’t realize that actually no they lost so much for it
ellie sticking close to sam, keeping an arm around him or giggling with him or whatever :’) they really nailed their friendship i’m so glad for it
the ish reference 🤌
i had my doubts about the kansas city / kathleen storyline after ep4 but i’m a lot happier with it now that we have more of the backstory. knowing that kathleen’s brother was the leader of the resistance and that on multiple accounts he was a genuinely good man makes all of kathleen’s and the milita group’s actions make a lot more sense. that plus the fact that the revolt happened only like a week ago and like yeah okay i get it now. still think they could’ve afforded an extra 10-15 min in the last ep just to flesh out KC more but at least we got something here
“i am a bad guy because i did a bad guy thing” love this line because it’s like the antithesis of tlou’s main themes, first the idea that there are no bad guys in this kind of world, and then also the idea that joel doesn’t care about good and bad, he cares about keeping ellie safe.
the infected scene was so fuckin sick, i was cheering the whole time!! i get why they’re a little stingy on showing them, it keeps the horror and suspense up and all, but i really do wish we could see more of them. and the bloater!!!! so cool!!!!!! when he killed perry using the same death animation from the game i got so fuckin hype lmfao
the running theme of the superheroes throughout this ep, and then the way it all ties into ellie seeing herself as the hero and thinking she’ll be able to save sam,,, it’s so good but so painful. i could write a whole post about ellie’s characterization and how all the threads connect together (her naivety, her fixation on violence, the way all these things contribute to her hero complex) but i won’t do it here. i just love that we’re getting to explore this more, i feel like the game has more emphasis on the idea that being the cure is an obligation for ellie, so having this side of it helps fill in the gaps for her motivations (and also sets up the foundation for pt2, but that is also a separate post)
also really the love the parallel of henry asking sam ‘do i look scared’ and sam shrugs as if to say ‘i mean yeah kinda’ but then at the end of the ep ellie asks sort of the same question of ‘do i NOT look scared?’ and sam says never and i just love the differences there
i’m not gonna say much on henry and sam’s death, other people have already shared my thoughts in better, more articulate posts than what i can write. while i do wish sam and henry had a happier ending i don’t really know how they could’ve changed the story without impacting that narrative beat. and while i wish that didn’t come at the expense of black people i can’t say i expected them to do anything different. just a small summary of my thoughts
overall did like this ep better than the last, tho the complaint about pacing feeling too fast is still there and sadly i’m expecting it to only get worse through the rest of the season :/
#this has been sitting in my drafts all week bc i kept wanting to go in and add more or clean it up a bit and then just never got the chance#so i figured i’d just post it now before the new ep comes out#tlou hbo#tlou hbo notes#tlou 1x05
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Shadow Weaver’s Death, Her True Abusiveness, And Her Final, Beautiful, Gift To Catra
::The resistance fighters stand in the failsafe chamber. Catra has just called Shadow Weaver out on her manipulation. Shadow Weaver reluctantly explains the danger of the failsafe, and then implores Adora to take it: even if she fails, Shadow Weaver says, she will save her friends, and the universe. As literally every other person in that room cries out against Adora taking the risk, Adora turns and says she will do it. Catra, dismayed, runs to her telling her that Shadow Weaver is sacrificing her, and demands to know why she's letting her do that. Adora tells Catra "Because even if she is, it's better than Prime getting the Heart and destroying the universe." Catra trembles in deathly fear, her face consumed in terrible realization: if Adora does as SW wishes, she will die. Shadow Weaver is trying to kill Adora. She knows this to her very soul, because... she is Shadow Weaver... And Adora is letting it happen…
Hi there, my name is Joel, and in this segment I'll be looking at Shadow Weaver's death, her being a child abuser, her terrible manipulations of Catra and Adora and the monstrous pains the two girls have to conquer to save themselves from her.
The main premise I'll be trying to explain here is that, like Horde Prime, Shadow Weaver is a villain of utmost seriousness. And, like Horde Prime, the girls will treat her as one, surpassing and defeating her once and for all. But it won't be with violence, but instead with love, creating a beautiful story of two people transcending their trauma and hurt through coming together over their love for one another.
I feel obliged to warn readers: this post will cover child abuse, even predatation (*not sexual, ie). It may be hard to read. Also warning: tl;dr, please consider at least sitting down to read this!
Finally, I know there are Shadow Weaver fans out there; that's good. Shadow Weaver is, at times, cool af. But, definitively a terrible person within the plot of the show.
So, even if you're a fan of Shadow Weaver, I still encourage you to read along because as we reveal her truth and the damage she deals to Catra and Adora, it makes her final moment so, so much more beautiful… and it gives entirely new meaning to her final... two… words….
Disclaimer time: Taking on Shadow Weavers death is ambitious for a first post, I know. But understanding her is crucial to understanding most of the major moments in this show. Still, I should say here that while this may seem a bit ‘head’ canon-y, I assure you my conclusions come from watching the show carefully and referencing the entirety of the rest of the show back to this one moment. I'm instead positing these as theories, and let's just say I feel I have the data, and Data Never Lies! Please *do* ask questions or seek calcifications in the comments or Ask me anything (I'm new to Tumblr).
----Part 1: Catra, Micah, and the Truth----
To start this journey we will travel backwards in the series to investigate the what and why of the terrible child abuse Catra suffered growing up under Shadow Weaver's care. We will be looking chiefly at the Light Spinner episode in the 2nd season. We will cover Catra's confrontation and SW's -supposed- explanation for her abuse, then the tale of Micah and Shadow Weaver's manipulation of him, and then the terrible truth of why Catra -really- was abused.
>A terribly alone Catra asks her abusive mother why she did it. Why did she treat her so badly ?
Shadow Weaver answers: "Because you remind me of myself. You always have. Nothing was ever easy for me either. I wasn't born to power like Adora and... others. I had to earn my power, fight for it. Why should it be any different for you?"
This is a very typical reason for an abuser to feel they are acting out their abuse on others: no one in this world understands my pain, so therefore I will inflict my pain upon a child so that they will know my pain as well. For many people this is essentially the truth of their abusers. I can't see any other reason for MY abusers to do what they did, other than this. It is, however, not the truth about Catra. We will discuss this in detail later.
We then watch as Catra does a very strong and eloquent job of rejecting and condemning it. She shows great emotional pain as she does so, and we know that her trauma is severe from watching her. Catra exclaims, her face full of emotional hurt and pain at Shadow Weaver's betrayal: "I was a child when you took me in. What could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me? I am nothing like you. You are old, and bitter, and weak."
Everything she says is perfectly true. As a child, there is no way she could have deserved the abuse Shadow Weaver inflicted on her. There never is. And she's also right when she says she's not anything like Shadow Weaver. Where Shadow Weaver is an unfeeling monster (as we will see), Catra feels deeply. Catra is inherently good, and while she will make terrible mistakes to come, she feels intense remorse. Shadow Weaver simply does not.
So, Shadow Weaver gives Catra a believable reason for the abuse, which, again, is a lie. But... there is meaning which we need to take from her choice of words: Shadow Weaver feels others, like Adora and Micah, are given an unfair advantage over people like herself. We will come back to this important insight soon...
Before we get to the real, harsh truth of why Catra was abused, we need to understand the tale of Micah and ‘Light Spinner’-‘s manipulation of him to get power.
>The story of Micah seems to be full of whimsy and childlike innocence. A young boy is talented beyond his years, a true prodigy. SW trains him, giving him access to teachings beyond what a sorcerer of his age should have. She tells him he's special, a true talent, like her. When she tells him "the guild needs talents like OURS more than ever before" she manipulates him, making him feel apart, better than all the other students and teachers, and that only SW can understand. It's SW's greatest talent: dividing people against each other, and this is part of her lifelong manipulation of Catra and Adora. Note: Castaspella accuses SW of mind controlling Micah (s5e8) to which SW responds "My gifts were always far subtler than that” - SW controls young Micah through mind games.
>SW hints of something of great importance, but then says "you're not ready". Micah demands to know, he's a special boy after all, right? He's so incredibly naive and innocent, doing things like chewing on magic crystals and acting out in class. He is, in fact, exactly the kind of privileged child who SW so greatly hates. This is where we get real meaning out of SW's supposed explanation for abusing Catra: Micah has inborn power that SW feels he is unworthy of possessing...
She preys upon his naiveness, showing him the Horde army. He, of course, demands they be stopped, and he's playing right into her hands. When she tells him the plan and of the upcoming meeting she tells him "I only hope that Norwyn and his followers can see the threat as clearly as YOU do." Again, she is making him feel apart, as though he's better than others. After all, he's a special little prodigy, right ?
SW gives her presentation at the council, trying to prey upon their fear by saying that the Horde have a rune stone. As she speaks of the spell of obtainment, her eyes are full of lust at the idea of so much power. But it is forbidden, and for good reason. As she looks over her shoulder at Norwyn her look is severe, accusing. She has no respect for him. And he's right to say that the problem will be handled: the war, in fact, does become a stalemate and stays that way all the way up until we are first introduced to Catra and Adora. Angrily, greedily, she demands they get power so they can 'have a planet to protect'.
She fails to convince them, but of course Micah sees her leaving the meeting, angry and frustrated, so he comes to her aide. "They never listen to me. After all I've done I still haven't earned their trust". Again, SW is set apart from them. When she says "they just want to hold the rest of us back" she's including Micah, making him feel separate, better, like her. She's indoctrinating him in her plan.
>We get a scene between Catra and SW here, where Catra tries to get SW to give her a reason to save her. All SW wants to know is when she's being sent to Beast Island: she realizes she has to escape that night. She sets out to manipulate Catra into giving her the reagent she needs to escape. SW talks up how weak and powerless she is, preying on Catra's lingering pity, desire for connection. A emotionally desperate Catra unfortunately gives it to her. Catra tells her "you don't get to ask things of me anymore" but she's desperate and depressed, feeling totally alone after so recently seeing Adora and consequently nearly dying the episode before, only to be saved by Scorpia's caring about her.
>And apprehensive Micah asks SW if she's sure this is a good idea. She tells him "WE need this power, it's the only way to protect our people". It's a lie, but Micah thinks he's special because he's SW's apprentice, and so he agrees to do it.
As the spell begins to work, we see a terrifying eldritch horror type of creature summoned. It soon breaks free even as Micah helps SW try to contain it. SW acts surprised to see it, but she always knew this spell. Micah runs, and SW stays, yelling angrily at Micah for leaving. She experiences fear as it consumes her, but she knows it's part of getting her power. This is the price she pays to become powerful. She tells Micah he betrayed her by abandoning her and yet, what other possible outcome was there but for them BOTH to be destroyed or corrupted? Norwyn tries to stand up to her, telling her "bringing you into our ranks was a grave mistake". She counters calling him a fool. "You're all weak. None of you deserve my help".
I often see people say this show doesn't show death, but what happens next is undeniably so: it is murder. She annihilates two sorcerer's in one hit, consumes the head sorcerer to give her more magical power. It is pure evil. As she realizes her new power she exclaims "The spell worked. I am stronger than ALL of you." She menaces Micah.
This. Was. Always. The. Plan. The spell worked, she says so herself. Micah tries to defend himself weakly against her, he's entirely at her mercy. He expects death, but instead she caresses his cheek, touches his ear. Then she gives him a look of disdain. It's no mistake she covers half her face even at this point in her history, so we can't know her full emotions. But it's clear, she condescends to him: he was a naive little pawn, not meant to survive, or at minimum, he was supposed to become corrupted like her. But it doesn't matter. She got what she wanted. So she leaves him to live knowing what he's done. The tale of ‘Light Spinner’ has ended: her better persona was just an illusion, useful in her goal of obtaining more power. An empowered Shadow Weaver then shows up at the Fright Zone, killing the guard as a demonstration of power. She declares herself for Hordak, and at least a partial truth is apparent: she wanted the vampiric power so she could channel the Black Garnet. Changing sides bothers SW not at all.
I point out SW’s violence because it is the only time they show any graphic death in this show, and it's therefore meant to show that SW is different, and dangerous. There really was no ‘Light Spinner’, as at multiple moments during her time at Mystacor her true emotions show through (such as pic1, top) and they are both vile and malicious, to put it lightly. Furthermore, note that SW going to the Horde doesn't end up ensuring their victory over the princesses, so yes, in fact, SW was lying to Micah all along. Last, keep in mind Micah’s opinion of her later on: SW is never to be trusted.
Now it's time to get back to the real reason Catra was abused and it's important implications for Adora's abuse as well.
>The scene following Catra's confrontation with SW, we see baby Adora having just arrived in the Fright Zone. SW walks past her, not particularly interested... and yet she sees something in her. And so she takes interest. She knows, in some way, that Adora will wield powerful magic, and since it also becomes clear to us that SW knows all about the past history of She-ra and the Heart of Etheria, it's a logical jump to say she probably thinks Adora is She-ra. Either way, Adora is a powerful orphan child with inborn talent beyond any normal expectation.
Sound familiar? The tale of Micah is there to inform this moment: SW meeting baby Adora. She is in a position to wield ultimate control over a magically privileged child. And the implications are not good...
Apologies to readers here, this next part is intense. Just a quick warning. The total implication of this is that SW never loved Adora, just like she didn't care about Micah. It is all manipulation, and it should be noted that at this point SW has switched to a full mask, conveniently hiding all emotion except a sliver of her eyes (as well as hiding her corrupted features). It's now almost entirely impossible to accurately read her emotions. I don't think she wants you to, as she really has no feelings of actual compassion. She only sees Adora as a privileged child she will use and then discard for her own power.
This means she is, in fact, a child predator. In this case, she's a predator of children of privilege, but the effect is the same: she sees such children as easy targets for her to manipulate for her own gain. Worse, the strong emotional feelings which Adora naturally feels towards those around her makes her easier to control, and SW manipulates this vulnerability against her, as a child and then again as they are headed for the failsafe.
So, returning to the real truth of why SW abused Catra. Let's take a look back at Catra’s condemnation of SW's explanation for her abuse, and it's just one line we need to understand: "I was a child, what could I have possibly done to deserve the way you treated me?" As it turns out, Catra -did- do something, and you have to adore and appreciate this show because we don't get this answer until the very end. Before season 5 was available, it would simply be impossible to understand Catra's story fully. The creators want you to come full circle of so many understandings, the story is that deep.
It's that one, beautiful, follow on line when Catra confesses her love to Adora- She says "I always have"...
Adora was Shadow Weaver's tool, her next prey. So, along comes Catra, who experiences romantic love for Adora right from the start. Beautiful, total love and devotion. SW sees this, and she decides that she can't let Catra be a hindrance to her plans. And yet she knows she can't kill Catra outright or risk losing Adora's affection. So she hurts Catra, tries to make her weak, to diminish her. She is trying to crush Catra's spirit, her will to live, all while making sure to instill a sense of duty and ambition in Adora which makes her less available to Catra. The abuse works, but not on Catra. Catra stays loyal to Adora, and is so secretly strong within herself in such a way that SW fails to destroy her spirit, although Catra has such incredible trauma from it that we see her struggle with it throughout the rest of the series.
But the abuse does work on Adora and so she grows apart from Catra in such a way that Catra eventually comes to feel Adora doesn't love her. And when Adora so clearly breaks the final half of the promise she made to Catra, Catra too, grows apart from Adora.
Catra therefore represents a person in this story who would have been so entirely below SW's notice that had she not loved Adora the way she did, SW would never have taken the time to hurt her. It wouldn't have been worth her time, and Catra would have had a happy(ish) childhood if not for loving Adora. By the way, this truth of SW's abuse of Catra is indeed confirmed in the show, but we don't have time to cover it here and it deserves its own theory post, anyways.
Before we get back to s5 let's take a brief moment to address SW's abuse of Adora: Adora is the kind of person who can't help but empathetically feel the pain of others when they feel it, and it's what makes her to be so unable to balance her own needs against those of others who are hurting. And so SW making Adora have ambition, to want to win at the expense of others, is actually a frightening manipulation. SW teaches Adora to believe she has to do this in order to be the leader, and then as the leader she must protect everyone else from harm. Adora goes on to show great emotional confusion over this, as she doesn't really feel she’s qualified to be that leader. It makes her feel alone from everyone else, and makes Adora worry about every decision she makes. SW essentially saddles Adora with a lonely burden of leadership, one which she's not well suited for. Adora has a very ADHDish (I’m no expert on ADHD) response to this where she bounces around trying to satisfy everyone else’s feelings, such as within their unit, and so her relationship with Catra suffered because of this.
To sum up, the abuses SW inflicts on the two of them results in their division from each other, and it's a division which tries to tear down both girls spiritually throughout this series. They each have specific traumas relating to Shadow Weaver's abuse of them. These are different, damaging fears SW instilled in each of them to make them easier to control. Because of this, both girls contribute to their separation to the two different sides of the war, and it's only through the great emotional learning of each of them that they are able to start putting it back again in season 5. And so, we will see that when SW returns in season 5, she immediately tries to pick up where she left off… to drive them apart from each other and manipulate them, once again, for her own gain.
Side note #2 before we get back to season 5: SW has a complete and total lack of love for Catra as well. Her callous manipulation of Catra, followed by leaving the fright zone like she did, was a spiritual blow and then a death sentence for Catra. SW would know this and yet she simply did not care. Furthermore, when they meet in Moment of Truth (s3ep4), SW again tries to kill Catra, only stopping short because Glimmer can't withstand the magical drain SW is taking from her. She's just not good people... And if she has such a total lack of love or compassion for Catra, it's a logical jump that she has just as little love and feeling for Adora.
Anyways... let's work on that season 5, phew, I know this is long. We're not done yet, though...
----Part 2: The present up till SW’s Death----
Alright, so returning back to season 5 where we began...
Catra is certain that SW is killing Adora. And the reason Catra is so certain of this is because she understands this fundamental truth behind the childhood abuse of of her and Adora. She knows that SW intended to use Adora, and was grooming her in order to use her to gain more power. And, she knows the true nature of SW’s abuse of Catra herself, that it was meant to destroy her so she wouldn't get in the way of SW using Adora.
How exactly Catra knows this I won't cover here, it would take too long and it deserves its own theory post. But, it is pretty well confirmed in the show as well. No distractions! Moving on...
So… when Adora tells Catra she will take the failsafe even though SW is killing her, it's Catra’s knowledge that SW is for certain doing this to Adora which leads Catra to shake in fear, and then refuse Adora once she returns with the failsafe. This moment goes much deeper than just Catra knowing she can't live without Adora, although that is also true.
Ok so here it is, the big theme we will now delve into, that explains so much:
The all important, crucial thing that Catra isn't seeing is that in order for SW to sacrifice Adora, it is entirely dependent on abusive manipulations is SW doing to both of them, starting from the moment they first see SW in season 5, which are intended to make sure Adora doesn't survive deploying the failsafe.
I know it's a tough implication to accept, but I promise to explain. So why? Why would SW not want Adora to survive? This, atleast, should be obvious: She-ra could stop SW once she has the power, so She-ra is an enemy that SW needs to eliminate to achieve ultimate power. So, SW's goal is to get Adora to bring the failsafe to the heart, but then be too weak to survive the process... leaving SW the uncontested champion by her magical vampiric powers. And so... SW manipulates the two girls, doing her most familiar trick: driving them apart, making them feel isolated from each other.
Her manipulations begin from the very moment Catra and Adora see her in season 5, and they continue up until Adora accepts the failsafe and a bit beyond.
So let's lay this out from the beginning, shall we? Episode 10: When SW walks into the room, saying she knows where the failsafe is, Catra is at first surprised at her appearance, she's thrown off guard. Catra very much wanted to stop SW once and for all, but never got the chance. And now, the new, more feeling Catra is faced with her oldest enemy: she can't hide her hatred and anger at her. It pretty much takes everything she's got not to violently attack her right there and then. But this new Catra isn't going to sink to that low. And yet... SW will intentionally aggravate and attack Catra to reactivate her trauma.
What I find very interesting about that scene, though, is that both Glimmer and Adora immediately look to Catra, knowing she will be upset, both trying to help her. And yet, it's Glimmer who looks first.
Even though Glimmer never says it out loud, Glimmer knows SW played and manipulated Glimmer herself, and that her manipulations were ultimately the reason that Glimmer made the mistake of activating the Heart, which brought Horde Prime's fleet down upon Etheria. Glimmer also watched SW torture and almost kill Catra in s3ep4, so I think Glimmer knows very well how dangerous SW is and how badly she's hurt Catra in the past. Instead, we can take the story of Glimmer and SW as another stand out example of how, once again, we saw SW manipulate someone, Glimmer in this case, with no concern for her well being.
>Adora is also thrown off by SW's reappearance, she doesn't enjoy seeing her either. But then, she also sympathetically looks to Catra, knowing this is a hurtful moment for her. All of this is to say that Catra actually has strong allies against SW, unlike in the past. And it's very important that Adora is such a staunch ally to Catra against SW, in fact it's everything. But, Adora doesn't quite do a good enough job in showing Catra how strongly aligned she, too, is against SW. Unintentional though it may be, as we will see.
>Episode 11: Continuing on, Glimmer immediately opposes SW's desire to use the heart's power. Castaspella tries to say SW is the lesser of evils, but of course, Castaspella is just a pawn. Catra jumps on Casta's words, calling SW evil... SW taunts her back mockingly and we see Catra's anger start to get out of control. But, Adora knows, one way or another, that SW is the root of all of Catra's pain, and so she comforts her, showing her that she sees her pain, and that she's got her back.
Again, it's very important that Adora is Catra's greatest ally against SW, as she has learned to treat SW as a de facto enemy because she has seen the pain and torment Catra experienced because of SW’s abuse; in addition to her own knowledge of how SW manipulated herself as a child.
>Adora confronts SW, asking why she even needs their help getting the failsafe. SW answer is a lie, but plays to her manipulation of Casta, who she needs: she says she can't get past Micah. (Note: who she actually needs is Adora.) As SW tells her plan she leans into Adora's emotional fears of letting others get hurt and reminds Adora she has to be the hero, SW even touches Adora, which we see Catra react angrily to. But, SW successfully manipulates Adora into accepting her plan, and Catra can't stand to watch it as she knows it must somehow be a dangerous manipulation. Catra quietly leaves to try to process her anger. We then see Adora slap SW's hand away, showing defiance, but as Catra has left, she probably doesn't see that. Adora looks around and sees that Catra is gone, which SW responds to by trying to manipulate her into leaving Catra behind, as she knows Adora is more vulnerable without Catra around. But Adora is wary of SW's manipulations, and goes after Catra. SW is aggravated by this.
>The two girls have a very good, emotional talk about SW. Catra is dismayed, but Adora is always brave for others, so she tells her she's got to try. Adora acknowledges Catra's pain, their pain, from SW's abuse. Ultimately Adora convinces Catra to come. Together, Adora says SW can't hurt them anymore. Catra reminds Adora how dangerous SW is, but the girls have reaffirmed their bond, their promises to each other. Which is important later, as this will come up again.
>As they infiltrate Mystacore, Catra is apprehensive and stays at the back. But as the mission progresses she drifts towards the front, trying to be the lookout so she can protect Adora. This, unfortunately, puts her in physical proximity to SW when they check the ritual chamber. Catra checks the chamber, but then a sorcerer appears out of nowhere (literally, how??) and SW grabs her in a way that's very reminiscent of s1ep2, traumatizing her.
I can't help but conclude SW is being intentionally hurtful in order to unnerve Catra. She could have just pointed, or put her hand to Catra's mouth, after all. Catra throws herself away from SW, demanding she not touch her, and makes the mistake of dropping the spell and revealing their presence. Look closely at this scene and you see Adora actually shows great anger, even violent intent towards SW for doing this to Catra, but it's so quick Catra probably doesn't see it, as she's staring down SW instead.
Under a track, Adora tries to become She-ra, but she's too emotionally conflicted since the episode before when they returned to the Fright Zone and Adora started to realize she's been letting Catra down, leaving her hanging. And SW's hurting of Catra also blocks Adora, she's trying to help Catra and yet she's accepting SW's guidance again, which she knows Catra hates and doesn't trust.
>As they pass through the door and continue down a corridor, Adora sees Catra is in emotional pain and holding herself, so she lends her emotional support. She knows SW touching her was incredibly abusive. She tells Catra that it'll be ok, and to trust her, hitting her with her dearest look of love and care for her. She knows SW is Catra's enemy, and she's got her back. Catra looks back, trying to trust her, to put her fear aside. But the moment is cut short when SW interrupts them, guilting Catra for revealing their presence. Adora walks on, saying they have to keep moving, and her face says she's doing it to stop SW from talking to Catra, but again, Catra doesn't see Adora's face. Catra feels left behind, that the moment was cut short. It's by the barest off margins Catra is missing how strongly Adora is coming down against SW for her sake.
> We get more information about SW's corruption next, that it's a way to bypass the crystal of Arxia and get at Heart of Etheria's energy, and we know this because it's discussed immediately after Castaspella tells them about the crystal of Arxia. So, if the magic is released, SW will have practically unlimited power. SW just mocks Casta when she tries to guilt SW over using the spell, she gives no apology. We see both Catra and Glimmer seemingly have a deeper realization about SW and her powers and that both of them look disturbed by it.
>Continuing on, we get the scene where Catra saves Adora from fire, which is so cute but I'll skip the romantic implications: as Catra walks through the fire, Adora stops and frets over not knowing what to do about Catra, how to give her what she wants. Adora is worried she's going to fail, that she could die. It's Adora's biggest, lifelong fear as the bearer of She-ra, and she struggles with it continuously throughout the series. To her, it therefore doesn't make sense to her to get Catra's hopes up too soon.
>Adora's thoughts naturally turn to her inability to transform... and SW pounces on the opportunity in order to exploit it.
Consider now, if Adora's problem is becoming She-ra, why does SW immediately give her a hard time about Catra, instead? Adora rejects SW's criticism, but SW flips the conversation telling Adora she can't be a weak She-ra and seemingly blaming it all on Catra. She tells Adora that her weakness means she's letting everyone else down. SW tells her she has to focus, and Catra makes her weak. This is terribly the opposite of the truth and SW knows this. What she’s really doing is a deep manipulation of Adora that leans on her early abuse of her: Adora has to be perfect for everyone else, and as she's the only one who can do it, she's totally alone in this burden. The truth is that Adora has always needed other people, that's where she draws strength from. Catra loves Adora simply for who she is: she represents the strongest, smartest and most dedicated person, ie, she's the most powerful person to help Adora with her emotional need for support.
Which SW knows, so she does her best to try to separate them, to make Adora think she's alone. SW does this by grouping Catra with everyone else: save everyone, or no one. Then she delivers a direct assault of Adora spiritually by saying "the world needs She-ra right now, not Adora". She's telling Adora that she doesn't matter, only She-ra matters, and she needs to be willing to give it all up to be that hero. We see Adora search SW's face, she's not satisfied and then she does her best to reject her, pulling her hand away in anger while saying she will stop Prime “no matter what.” Catra is eavesdropping on this, but can't see that Adora stands up to SW so strongly... as usual. Catra knows SW is up to no good with it, though. Doubt takes root in Adora, and it aggravates her fears that she's not good enough to be She-ra.
>Arriving at the failsafe chamber, SW gives away just how much she already knows about the Heart. SW explains the failsafe, and so we know she always planned on getting Adora to accept the failsafe, risking it all. Adora approaches, trying to be brave for everyone else.
One of Catra's most important moments follows: she stops Adora from accepting the failsafe, and calls SW out for her bullshit. She's not going to let Adora walk into a trap when she knows better. Catra flips it on SW, telling her to take the failsafe, making SW tell them why it's dangerous, why SW won't do it herself. She points out how SW knows too much, yet didn't pursue the power of the failsafe. Catra is totally certain that SW wants to hurt Adora, and so she's calling her out to get SW to reveal her manipulation of Adora.
SW instead tries to guilt Adora, saying she alone understands that this is the only way to stop Prime. But Catra stands firm, she protects Adora from SW's manipulation as best she can.
Confronted and trapped by Catra's having seen through her plan, we see literally every person in the room ally themselves against SW. SW is forced to admit the truth: using the failsafe will mean death even for She-ra, if she isn't strong enough.
And so Adora realizes what's coming, that She-ra is the only one who can do it. She's terrified and sad at the thought that this could, will, be her end; that she really will have to give it all up for everyone else. She's always thought she'd have to. It's a deep held belief that she's alone in her burden as She-ra.
Adora asks the obvious question: What happens if I die? SW's next words prey upon Adora's every weakness, her lack of belief in her self worth, and innate need to protect others: "Then the magic will be restored to Etheria, through your sacrifice. You will give us the power to bring us to victory. Prime will be defeated. Your friends will be free." SW is listing out every last thing that will happen if Adora doesn't do it, and each is a part of her greatest fears. Adora is unable to resolve between her distrust of SW and need to protect and be brave for everyone else's sake. SW has her trapped by her own emotions.
Catra looks on, watching the manipulation, seeing the consequences of Adora attempting this. Everything about this moment speaks to manipulations SW has used on Adora before: she preys on emotional need and weakness, she isolates Adora in her burden, she even does the dreaded ear touch. If Adora does what SW says, Catra knows it'll be the death of her.
As SW completes her manipulation, everyone in the room cries out against the unfair decision Adora must make. And yet, Adora doesn't see a choice. Catra puts it best, saying: "you don't care about Adora, Adora can't even care about herself!"
But Bow's words also have meaning: "Theres no way we're risking Adora like that." For all that Bow and Glimmer have done for Adora, she's still supposed to be the champion that's going to save them. They need things from her, not simply Adora as herself. All in all, Bow and Glimmer did their absolute and kindest best to help Adora, often emotionally supporting her through her depressions and fears of not being a good She-ra. But in the end, they still needed her to be She-ra.
But Catra is different, all she wants is Adora, and for her to be safe and loved, and ideally, to be with her. Catra's opinion in this moment is the true one, the most honest. But Adora can't overcome the thought of failing everyone, and so she pushes forward, saying she will take the failsafe.
Adora is feeling alone, trapped by fate. Catra runs to her, literally shaking her in order to try to convey how sure she is that Adora is going to die if she does this. But Adora can't let the universe die, and she's She-ra. She (Adora) doesn't matter. It's only what she can do to try to fix things for others that matters, her hero's burden. Adora pushes Catra's hands off her, in a lifetime of pain and sorrow Catra has never looked so sad. Adora really is pushing her away, not seeing how seriously Catra feels, how badly she needs Adora to understand her in this moment. A dissociated Adora looks internally, accepting her fate, alone again, isolated.
Maybe Catra could have found a way to get through to Adora, but they run out of time. A chipped Micah shows up and begins to systematically defeat them, and Adora has no more time to choose. SW is easily taken down by Micah, it shows his anger at her. He taunts her, she's got nowhere to hide. This is interesting, but not our focus..
Adora again tries to summon She-ra and fails. She simply can't resolve between her sense of failure to Catra and her need to be brave for everyone else. She looks to Catra, decides to do the brave thing as herself, not as She-ra, even if it means she will fail, and hurt Catra. After all, since she’s She-ra, she has to try, right? This is her burden.
As SW turns to Adora and says "the failsafe... we... we can't" Adora is pressed by urgency, doing what she can. Catra tries one last desperate plea: "Please. It doesn't always have to be you!" Adora can't accept this, internally she is certain she has to save everyone. Even if this includes SW herself, and so when Catra later says Adora chose SW, not her in this moment, Catra is right, except that Adora believed she had no choice. Adora is also the only one in this moment who can reach the failsafe, and so it seems like fate is against her. Adora knows she's probably choosing to die, and if she does, she knows Catra will probably die of a broken heart as well. She really does choose SW over Catra, in a way. It's a tough moment, but taking the failsafe is the right thing to do, given the circumstances.
Receiving the failsafe is intense, and as Adora tries to withstand it, Micah binds the entire party with dark magic. Interestingly, this means SW indoctrinated Micah more than we're shown, and now that he's chipped, he is uninhibited.
Adora sees everyone is in danger, if she doesn't come through now it's all over. It gives her that singular focus she needs, summoning She-ra is easy because if she doesn't, Catra, all of them, are about to die.
Failsafe achieved, Micah vanquished, Adora offers Catra her hand, she's trying to show Catra she's there for her, they are together. But Catra rejects her, she's too sure that SW has won, that Adora will die. In this moment all the old trauma Catra carries is too strong, and SW has unnerved her too greatly. As Catra runs from her, Adora realizes that Catra was trying to tell her something deeper, but somehow she's missed it.
>Catra watches Adora sleep, she's emotionally distraught at the thought of her dying. So, she tries to sneak away. Adora finds out, and manages to confront Catra before she can leave. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful scenes about love in this show, but I'll just cover how SW's manipulations come into play...
>Adora tackles Catra, and demands she explain why she’s leaving. Catra throws SW's words back at Adora, that she's a distraction, that she makes Adora too weak to be She-ra. Catra knows this was a unfair manipulation by Shadow Weaver, but she couldn't see, only hear, what happened between Shadow Weaver and Adora. She doesn't know that Adora rejected Shadow Weaver so strongly, both spiritually and by violently pulling away from her. Adora tries her best to get Catra to see that she's not doing this because of Shadow Weaver's manipulation, that she's trying to rise above SW's control of her. But Catra pushes her away, instead trying to speak to a more central truth: Adora's need to serve everyone else's needs, her inability to regulate her desire to make things better for others who are hurting or will get hurt, and balance that against her own needs and safety. She's speaking to the part of Adora which Shadow Weaver is exploiting to get what she wants from her, to control her. It doesn't really matter in this moment to Catra whether Adora is doing it for Shadow Weaver or not, because either way Adora is allowing Shadow Weaver to win. Catra wants Adora to be better than a slave to her emotional need to help others no matter the cost or danger. She's asking Adora to be strong in herself in a way Adora has never been able to be. She challenges her, asking "What do you want, Adora?" The obvious answer, Catra believes, is her. But Adora is too worried she will die and let Catra down to let her romantic feelings about Catra manifest and make it real between them, and taking the failsafe has made Adora all the more doubtful of her own survival. Adora counters "I have to do this Catra, I'm the only one who can." It's all to say that Adora is alone in her burden, and she accepts it and its consequences because she's She-ra. Adora doesn't believe she has value, or deserves happiness unless she can save everyone, including Catra.
Adora believes as She-ra, she is totally alone in her burden. This is wrong of course, Catra does see her and understands her burden, and is the one person in the world who wishes to share that load with her, unlike the other princesses who need Adora to be a hero and save them. But both girls are weak from their deep traumas which Shadow Weaver has reaggravated, and they can't overcome them. Catra resigns herself to the belief that Adora is unable to rise above her most basic emotional need to serve others, telling her "Then do it. That's what you want, that's what you'll always choose." She can't stand to watch Adora kill herself so willingly to serve everyone else, all while letting SW win. She rejects Adora, and turns to leave. Adora desperately begs Catra to stay, wanting her to uphold their promise and telling her she needs her, but is unable to vocalize her desire to be with Catra romantically. Meanwhile, in Catra's mind, Adora is just going to let herself die, and if she does, then Adora never really needed her after all... all Adora cares about is being She-ra. It's harsh, but true... even if what she's doing about it is so wrong.
It's a painful moment for both of them, and it's horrible because Catra is so clearly breaking their promise, the one that Adora restored to Catra she came to rescue her from Horde Prime. And yet, her leaving will work in the end. Catra gets Adora to see how crucial it is that she not let Shadow Weaver win, to let Shadow Weaver get whatever she wants by taking that cost from Adora's own life. And it's how Adora finally becomes too strong for Shadow Weaver to ever manipulate again.
>As Adora returns to camp, still crying from Catra's abandonment, Shadow Weaver tries to swoop in and make her manipulations of Adora take their final hold. She tells Adora she "made the right choice, don't let Catra convince you otherwise, she's never understood." Dreaded ear touch and all. By saying Catra can't understand, Shadow Weaver tries to make Adora feel alone in her burden as She-ra, seeking to weaken her spirit. But we see a total shift in Adora's attitude as she rejects SW’s cruelty and manipulations entirely. Her words carry incredible weight and speak to how she's so clearly seen through SW's malicious manipulations of the two of them. "Stop. I will never forgive you. You ruin people. You ruin any chance they could ever be happy." Adora just watched Catra reject her and abandon her because she couldn't stand to lose Adora again over SW's manipulations. It's by knowing Catra's pain that Adora is able to finally deny Shadow Weaver any sliver of control over her. As always, Adora couldn't do it for herself, she couldn't resolve between her deeper need to save everyone and SW's plans to use her for her own gain. But Adora is strong for others, and so she's strong for Catra. By leaving, Catra has given Adora the ability to rise above any manipulation Shadow Weaver can do to her.
Adora stands up to Shadow Weaver once and for all in her next words: "I'm going to take the failsafe to the heart, and I'm going to save Etheria. But I am not doing it for you. I'll do everything I can to make sure you never get your hands on the magic." (pic1, fyi) Note the exact words Adora speaks here as we will return to them later, they are important. While Adora has seen past SW’s manipulations, and seen that Shadow Weaver only ever desired power, she doesn't realize how SW's childhood abuse of her and attempts to manipulate her in the present are making her too weak to survive deploying the failsafe. To get past that, Catra must help Adora.
EPISODE 12: We watch as Adora struggles to become She-ra, but eventually manages it. She's seen through SW's plan after all, and so she does her best to believe she is strong enough to win on her own, to survive the heart. But she misses Catra desperately. She rallies her people, and ends her speech by saying resolutely that she will take the failsafe to the Heart and destroy it. It's an incredible speech, Adora has become a wonderful leader, but then she looks up and sees Shadow Weaver hiding in the back. As SW meets her gaze, She-ra's form falters and we see Adora's face for a split second. She's furious at her, that she hurt Catra so badly that she ran away.
Adora moves away from the group so they don't see her lose her She-ra form because of the turmoil she feels over Shadow Weaver and losing Catra. Bow and Glimmer check on Adora, knowing she has a tendency to try to sneak away so people won't see her risk her life. Glimmer is perceptive and asks about Catra, she knows it's Catra that Adora needs, that her being gone is tearing Adora up inside. Glimmer is a great friend to the both of them. Adora voices concern for their safety if they come with her, but Bow and Glimmer know Adora needs support. And so they will try their best, even though they know Adora is heartbroken from Catra leaving her.
>Buoyed by their support, Adora goes to the ruins to try to face her final task, to overcome it through her own strength alone. Bow and Glimmer take her hands, we see Adora does her best to set her fear aside. And yet, as they enter she wonders where Catra is, whether she will come back to honor their promise.
>Catra looks back, also experiencing pain over their separation. She has not been able to overcome her trauma, and manage her feelings. Well isn't it just nice to have a telepathic therapy pet! Melog stops, and forces her to actualize her feelings and process them. At first Catra tries to deny them, saying she won't go back, but Melog sits on her. She cries, saying out loud her deepest feelings. Let's take this one in steps. "You saw what happened, A-Adora chose Shadow Weaver, not me". In a very real sense Adora did do this, she pushed Catra away in the failsafe chamber. She ignored Catra's warnings and, in Catra's mind, committed herself to death at the hands of SW's manipulation. The next line is one of the most important in the series, but we will only cover it briefly as it's romantic implications are best discussed elsewhere: "Adora doesn't want me, not like I want her." We get to see one of the most honest truths about Catra: she is an intensely romantic person, and has always had the most incredible dreams of them being together. But a lifetime of pain has told Catra that it can't be real, or atleast, not for her. It is deep seated trauma that blocks her, trauma Shadow Weaver started and then aggravated against her, making her leave Adora just moments before. Catra is, in a word, furious that she's come this far, having dared to dream once again that the two of them could be together and in love, only to have SW come in and take that from her once again.
Let's take a moment to consider how Catra is doing as she adapts to her new emotional way of dealing with the world, as she has shifted her perspective since rejoining Adora: The old Catra might have simply struck SW down, maybe even killed her to remove the threat. But now, Catra doesn't want to do that but is expected to trust in Adora’s ability to overcome the threat through her inner strength, and the through the strength of her community. But, as far as Catra could see, Adora just accepted her death as necessary rather than fighting SW’s manipulations. And this worries her, and it's why it's so important to Catra that she not let Shadow Weaver win, so Catra leaves to make sure Adora gets the message. She's wrong to do this, and she realizes this after opening up to Melog. Adora needs Catra to have faith in her, because without her support, there's no chance Adora overcomes what Shadow Weaver is trying to do to her.
>Glimmer watches the doubt play across Adora's face. She doesn't know how to make it better, since Catra isn't with them. She asks her if she's scared, and Adora answers back as truthfully as she can: "No, I just really hope this works." She's putting on a good face while trying to believe there's a chance, but when Bow tells her it's going to be a whole new world when she's done, Adora doubts. Can she even survive? Will Catra be gone forever? The next scene is, of course, very romantic. We see that Adora has always loved Catra, just like Catra loves Adora. The magic is trying to remind Adora of her own desires, her wants. Let's not get too distracted though: as Adora moves on, vowing to not let the magic distract her, we see her She-ra form falter, she's still fighting despair and loneliness. Bow and Glimmer don't know what to do...
>Catra sees Horde Prime begin hacking the planet and knows Adora is in grave danger of not succeeding in her last, unselfish mission before Prime stops her. Catra can't let this happen, also, since Melog has helped her process her emotional pain, she's ready to support Adora in any way she can, even if it means her hopes and dreams of them being together will be unfulfilled. She tries to rush to her side.
>Adora is panicking and unable to resolve her feelings of failure to Catra, She-ra is in danger of fading again. She sees the sword as she saw it back when she first left Catra, her hand goes to the failsafe on her chest, the thing that made Catra reject her after she accepted it. She tells Bow and Glimmer she can't escape her destiny. The words "I'm losing her" speak to a deep held belief by Adora that she's not worthy of survival because she feels that she has never been able to help the one person she truly loves, making her no hero. All of the manipulations of Shadow Weaver, Horde Prime, even Light Hope are crushing down on her. She believes she has to accept her fate, to die to fulfill her duty as She-ra. It's the price she has to pay for not being good enough, for hurting Catra when she left her to become She-ra. She thanks Bow and Glimmer for their love and support. "I never could have done any of this without you." Bow and Glimmer did everything they could to prop Adora up, get her out of her depressions when she felt she wasn't good enough to be She-ra. But they still needed her to be She-ra, and therefore they can't help her get past her deepest insecurities. To do that, she needs someone who has unconditional love for her. She needs Catra. Adora leaves Bow and Glimmer behind, trying to protect them, so that only she will have to die.
>Catra finds Shadow Weaver patiently waiting to receive her power, to be able to achieve dominion over everyone else. SW tells Catra "She's gone to the heart of Etheria to free the magic and become the hero she was born to be." The dead hero, that is. As SW tries to guilt Catra, calling her selfish, she glares back. She stands up to SW, rejecting the manipulation: "Enough! This isn't about you and your messed up power trip anymore!”
In this moment, Catra shows us how clearly she understands SW's goal. She calls her out perfectly. She tells SW that Prime is infecting the planet to take the heart, which changes everything, including for SW.
>As Catra leads SW, having forced her to cooperate, they see Prime's broadcast and Catra knows they have to act. She demands SW take them to Adora, and doesn't accept her lies. She knows SW can do it with magic, and demands she comply. Her words hit home "So do something good with it for once and help me save Adora before it's too late." Notice the similarity to when Glimmer asks Catra to be better on Horde Prime’s ship. SW is trapped, she has to comply. If Adora doesn't reach the heart, no magic for SW, universe ends. Catra accepts SW's hand, though it hurts her to do so.
>Catra and SW arrive in the corridor. As Catra gets the truth from Glimmer, she's dismayed. "Of course she's gone, that's what she does, isn't it?" She knows in this moment that Adora is consumed by fear, her inadequacies. As she finishes briefing Bow and Gimmer on the situation, she tells them she will stay to help Adora, and she invokes their promises to each other. It's an important moment, as it is the two of them together, their promises to each other, that gives them the strength to surpass SW's manipulations of them. Glimmer knows Catra is in love with Adora, so she leaves Adora in Catra's care. Bow’s words are important as well, speaking to the power of the Best Friend Squad. It gives Catra a boost to her morale, a belief that maybe there's a chance she and Adora can overcome the odds they face.
>Adora looks out over Etheria, seeing its beauty. Mara joins her. Adora tries to promise Mara that she will save the world, everyone, at any cost. Mara flat out rejects this as wrong, she doesn't let Adora promise. Mara confronts Adora on her decision to die for everyone else. When Mara asks her what she wants, Adora says it doesn't matter, that she's She-ra. Again, an isolationist view, a lonely burden, just like SW wants her to believe. Mara tells Adora that she, Adora, has value as a person, not only as a hero, and that she deserves love, too. As Mara tells to not lose hope, Adora is emotionally moved but you can tell she's still struggling to accept Mara’s words because of her feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Mara manages to pass some courage to her, but then Horde Prime cuts them short.
Prime leans into Adora’s fears, threateningly. Like SW, he knows how to exploit her. He was in Catra's head and so he knows what Catra knows. He tells her that her failure is imminent, that she is already defeated, like the other She-ra's. The guardian monster then strikes and infects Adora, and she finally loses her grip on her She-ra form. He tells her even her own people didn't want her to make it to the heart, telling her the whole world is against her, and that she's totally alone. She tries to counter this with defiance, but the virus has her. She knows she's in trouble.
----Part 3: Final Moments, and Death, of SW----
>Episode 13. Adora is in pain, trying to understand the nature of the infection. The monster towers over her, it has only to reach out to deal the killing blow, she's defenseless. Suddenly Catra shows up, engaging the monster. Adora's only concern is for Catra's safety, telling her to leave her because it's too dangerous. But Catra has decided: she will do whatever it takes to give Adora her chance to save the universe, if that's what she wants. Even if it means Adora has to die. She tells SW to get Adora to the heart, which Adora objects to. SW is looking closely at Adora and seeing her illness, evaluating. As Adora begs for Catra to not leave her, Catra tells Adora she'll catch up. After all, they are the best friend squad. Bow's words have given Catra a small amount of hope that maybe it'll be ok. Adora, now that Catra has finally shown up, is desperate to not lose her again, and knows fighting this monster is too dangerous for her alone. But she's sick, and unable to help her. SW takes Adora unwillingly towards the heart.
>Catra is doing her best, but the monster is too much, even for her. She tries to slip away, seeing the virus continuing to spread. She's trying to get to Adora, who’s alone with SW. Horde Prime stops her (no keep running!!) and she gets caught. He mocks her, telling her he expected better. But Catra has already surpassed his greatest expectations, and she'll stop him yet... as the monster catches her, she cries out in anguish. It seems the cruelty of the universe has caught up to her again, after all...
>As SW tries to bring Adora to the heart, Adora's sickness is rapidly advancing. She demands SW wait, but she's too weak to resist. The thought of losing Catra again is weakening her spirit and allowing the virus to take over. SW tells her not to lose her focus, she's still hoping Adora will deploy the failsafe before dying. But then the virus seemingly attacks Adora's heart and SW watches the failsafe nearly fade out. SW looks up, she's close enough to already siphon power from the heart. Her lust for power is apparent.
As Adora hears Catra’s scream, she forcefully pushes herself from SW, and starts to go back for Catra. SW calls for her to wait, but Adora leaves her behind.
This is it, the turning point. The great moment of truth: SW now realizes, in utter totality, that she's never going to get to have the power. It's one of the most important moments in the series, and what happens next is the culmination of all of the hard emotional growth the two girls have been doing.
>>Quick interjection: we’re about to get emotional here... (well, I do). Just a light suggestion to check your surroundings. <<
Shadow Weaver now realizes that, even if she were to drag Adora to the heart, she would be too sick and heartbroken to deploy it. It's over for SW, either she dies now, with everyone else in the end of the universe, or she dies giving everyone else, including the girls, a future.
Remember as well, Adora has told SW that she would do everything she can to make sure she never gets the power. Adora is too strong against SW's manipulations, something Adora learned from seeing the pain Shadow Weaver caused Catra through her abuse. I mentioned that the exact words Adora used when she rejected SW the night before were important, so let's return to them: Adora told SW she would deploy the failsafe, and also that she will block SW from getting the power for herself. But as she said all of this, about saving the world, the universe, she doesn't say one, very important, word.
Promise.
Adora may have dedicated herself to being She-ra, but somehow in that moment she knew not to promise to SW that she would deploy the failsafe to save the universe, instead only saying that she was going to find a way, while making sure SW doesn't get the power. We saw that Adora later tried to make this particular promise to Mara, but Mara threw that out, telling Adora to be better, to rise above her lack of self belief.
A promise was made, though. She promised Catra. Their beautiful, childhood promise, the one she so casually broke way back when, her greatest mistake. And so Adora goes back for Catra, to be there for her, to try to help. If this Catra's end, she will be there for her... even if the cost is this high. She can't just let her die alone. She is honoring their promise...
And so… Adora finally… after all this time, puts Catra above her duty as She-ra. Her love for Catra is more important than fulfilling her heroic duty, and so SW can no longer manipulate her into giving up her life so SW can get the power. The girls have, in fact, transcended her manipulations, and as Adora leaves SW standing by the heart, SW is totally alone and without anything, anyone, left. She is, in fact, defeated by the girl’s love for each other... and so as SW looks towards the heart, she finally... makes... the right... choice. She gathers enough power from the heart to fight the monster...
>Horde Prime mocks Carta as she tries in vain to resist being pulled towards her death. When he invokes Adora's name, saying she will die, Catra shows her sadness, disappointment, at having come so close to being with her. He mocks her again, asking her if it was worth it. Catra shows defiance, then sorrow. The answer is yes, of course. Catra was willing to lay it all down to give Adora her shot at saving the universe, she's honoring their promise as best she can even if this is Adora's final act before her, and their, deaths. Catra has total belief that in this moment, that she needed to sacrifice herself for Adora. It seems like the natural outcome of fate, of the cruelty that is SW's and the universe's betrayals of the two of them their entire lives...
Heroic. Fucking. Music. SW shows up, charged from the Heart to take Catra's place. She's going to do one heroic and worthy thing of remembrance before she goes, since she is defeated and knows she won't get to have the heart's power.
Carta's disbelief is total, she can't understand how SW would ever do this for her. Her manipulation of them their whole lives was so total, so unfeeling. And yet, here she is. SW tells Carta to get to Adora and run. She forces Catra back and blocks the door. Catra still can't understand... and we finally... see Shadow Weaver show some actual real remorse for how empty her life is. She begs Catra to take Adora to the heart, to set the magic free. The one thing SW is dedicated to is magic, and she knows releasing the magic will restore the planet. Catra points out the obvious, that SW will die. Part of the reason Catra is so broken up by SW doing this is because Catra had just accepted her fate of dying in order to give Adora her chance to save everyone: Catra was willing to die for Adora even if Adora never found the courage to want Catra the way Catra wants her. And now SW takes her place? It doesn't make sense to her, as SW is a greedy person.
Shadow Weaver’s next series words are some of the most important in the entire series. And this is also the one redeeming quality she has... that she is a teacher. And she’s about to tell Catra something very, very... important.
She says: "It's too late for me." All her manipulations towards getting the power at the cost of the girls lives have been torn down, they've completely moved past her, she has no place in their lives anymore. The girls have learned to love each other so loyally that SW is done, finished.
"But you... this is only the beginning for you." Catra listens to this, searching for the deeper meaning... "I'm so proud of you, Catra." I think we all agree SW being 'proud' of Catra is a devastating line, Catra doesn't need or probably even want her abusers approval. I also think it is a lie, everything about SW says she's unable to feel actual compassion. But SW is a mastermind, and I think she's telling Catra she has respect for her. Catra ended up being the greatest enemy SW ever faced, she was so smart that she saw right through every manipulation SW made, and in the end, SW couldn't touch her. But theorizing aside, we see Catra cry... somehow, someway, SW finally seems to be showing Catra some amount of good in her, and so she cries, wondering where it comes from…
As Catra brings her hand back to uselessly flail at the barrier, Adora catches it. Catra looks back at Adora, surprised at her reappearance...
… right then we see Catra suddenly look away from Adora. It's quick, but we're seeing a dissociative moment: this is Catra realizing something very deep, and very meaningful...
Catra realizes, that in this moment, SW has chosen to do something that is much more than just dying in Catra's place.
She has given Adora to her.
All of Catra's life, Shadow Weaver has stood between her and Adora, love was a thing Catra was not allowed to have. But the girls, together, have transcended all of her abuse and manipulation. They have seen through her plan and risen above every cruelty, and have blocked SW's manipulations to use them for her own gain. And so, a defeated SW chooses now, to give Catra the most beautiful of gifts...
Catra puts it all together, filled with clarity: SW is telling her that Adora doesn't have to die, she can survive this. That they can survive the Heart!!! And Catra is the key, as SW has told her: "This is only the beginning, for you."
Catra is now given this knowledge freely by SW, and thus given hope. SW stands before them, totally defeated, in awe of Catra's incredible growth and cunning and that she was able to see through her plan, and how strongly the two girls have come to love each other. So, SW is giving Catra her fullest respect, and as a last act before her death she is passing Catra newfound hope that the two of them can overcome this, that they can survive...
Shadow Weaver removes her mask, showing Catra her face. It's not a face of manipulation, as we expect, no, there's respect, even, dare I say, gratitude. SW didn't have to do this, Catra knows that. And yet, Catra managed to show SW something she never expected to see. And so, by outthinking and so totally defeating her, by making SW see that all her manipulations were discovered and therefore wouldn't work no matter which way she turned, and by getting Adora understand the urgency of not letting SW win, Catra has won this final, beautiful gift…
“You're welcome…”
As Catra watches SW make her final sacrifice... her one good deed... she looks on, stunned. Life is never quite so simple as you think it is, and since returning to Adora, Catra has seen so many acts of generosity she didn't really believe were possible... and now... this...
Catra lets Adora cry for a moment, then tells her they have to go. Catra is filled with new urgency... they will face this final challenge together. As she resolutely carries Adora towards the heart, she knows she's now in charge of their fate... and as they face this final task, Catra is searching for a way to save Adora, and to save their love once and for all...
~
All of this has huge implications for what then happens with the girls when they reach the heart chamber, but that's a topic better discussed another time…
Some final notes here. It's my belief that Shadow Weaver is the overarching villain of the story, who spans all seasons of She-ra, and is far more important to the plot than Horde Prime is. Furthermore, understanding Shadow Weaver as this kind of villain is a stepping stone to explaining many other important plot points in the series, and we can build on it to understand a lot of the most important moments in the show.
My personal belief about this story is that the writers had such a diverse room of people of LGBTQIA+ and other backgrounds, each with their own trials and pains they had to overcome, that as a team, their goal was to bring to light as many of these struggles that they could. But as for this most central story, my guess is they wanted to tell us a story about overcoming real darkness that exists in our world, as well as Etheria, because sometimes that's how it is. And so the right thing, the only thing to do is to overcome and move past such people, to not let them control your life.
All this is to say that I think the moral of Shadow Weaver in the story isn't about finding the good in her, but about rising above her and the fundamental darknesses that we all sometimes face. And our girls do this through love, at no point do they use violence. And that makes this story very, very... special.
Thanks for reading. Until next time…
~EtheriaDearie
P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛
#spop#shadow weaver#she ra and the princesses of power#she ra#catra#catradora#adora#she ra shadow weaver#she ra spoilers#my writing#she ra fan theory#she ra blog#best friend squad#she ra best friend squad#my post#hi i'm new here#thanks for your support#she ra is the best show ever#she ra netflix#love heals#she ra meta
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Here are some more of my thoughts on Parallelism in The Last of Us 2. I’m also thinking about Ellie and Joel in their “Nightmare Years,” and how the writers are using symbols, parallels, and the game’s promotional trailers to fuck with our emotions:
***Major Spoilers And a discussion of Grief Under the Cut***
My personal observation of Joel’s death in TLoU2 is that it was always going to happen, and that its occurrence so soon in the story, while shocking, was necessary and even predictable, based on the plot of the previous game, and obvious parallels between Joel and Ellie. Note that I’ve now played through the Hillcrest chapter and the second flashback with Joel and Ellie at the hotel. I’m currently in the fucking sewer system, and there are Stalkers like, everywhere.
Ellie and Joel: Parallels
In my last post, I wrote about Joel’s parallels mostly with Riley (and I have more on that, for a different post) but I also wrote about Joel’s parallels with Sarah, mainly that we begin TLoU2 with Joel, setting up certain expectations right away, ie: both Joel and Sarah meet tragic fates early on in the story propelling their heroes past the threshold and into their respective journeys. But Ellie and Joel, as protagonists, are the most compelling parallel of the game, to me.
Learning of Joel’s violent past as a hunter and seeing his life as a violent, amoral smuggler is much easier to understand once, via Ellie, we get a taste of the anger he must have felt after a member of the US Military shot and killed Sarah in front of him. The senselessness of Sarah’s death, our feel of betrayal and surprise from Joel’s point of view are then echoed in Joel’s own death scene in TLoU2, which we witness helplessly from Ellie’s point of view. A long time ago, I made a post wondering whether Ellie’s journey in TLoU2 would echo Joel’s off-screen journey in the years immediately following the Outbreak--what Tommy inadvertently refers to in TLoU as a “nightmare.” Sort of like the Abyss stage in the Hero’s Journey, it is in these nightmare trials that all hope seems lost, and we are at the lowest possible point of the story. I am definitely sticking with this interpretation after playing through a pretty big chunk of TLoU2.
The one major difference between how Ellie and Joel’s journeys are being portrayed in their respective stories is where their stories start: Joel’s journey picks up 20 years after Sarah’s death. He is through the Abyss, on the upswing, his path to clarity and renewal. With Ellie, however, the story starts in the descent. We, the player, are inside the nightmare that, with Joel, we only got to hear about, and even then, it’s all incredibly vague.
We don’t get to see Joel in his “nightmare years” with Tommy. We don’t get to know all the bad things he did and all of the hard choices he made in order to survive after Sarah’s death and up until the point that we meet him 20 years later in TLoU. We get hints from Tess, from Tommy, and stuff implied via Joel’s know-how, his obviously violent transformation from jokey single dad in the rural suburbs of Austin to dangerous smuggler in the Boston QZ. Instead of learning about Joel’s life in the years following Sarah’s death, we seem to be playing through them, metaphorically, as Ellie in the years immediately following his. Just a current observation on how the story is unfolding, to me.
Gameplay Empathy w/ Ellie
Starting with Joel’s death scene: I first noticed how the writers are using gameplay and point of view to fuck with our emotions while watching Joel’s actual death. I remember feeling, not grief, but intense, white hot anger. How did this work? In a couple ways, I thought. Having us play as Abby prior to the scene turns out to set up a totally personal sense of betrayal for the player. We previously fight from her point of view, relentlessly ensuring her survival in earlier scenes, only to then watch her murder Joel, with no way to intervene. Our sense of betrayal is compounded of course by the fact that we love Ellie, and Ellie loves Joel, and the way that Abby kills Joel, with a golf club in the basement of a lavish ski house in Jackson Hole, is somehow both barbaric and maddeningly mundane. For all of this, I felt, with Ellie, blind hatred and anger. I didn’t feel any actual grief over Joel’s death until visiting his house, and even then, I couldn’t even really acknowledge it until the first flashback at the science museum--hearing his voice again was what specifically did me in. In the moment of his death, I just kept thinking that it was bullshit, it wasn’t fair. He deserved a better death, right? There are no good deaths, I’d argue intellectually in the aftermath. But in the moment, I was fucking enraged.
This sense of simulated motivation and empathy for the player is really interesting to me. It feels linked hopelessly to the medium. In a movie, we need only to sympathize with our protagonist. We are vicarious voyeurs. But in a video game, we are willing and active participants, and empathy is more important. While playing Ellie on her relentless hunt through WLF-occupied Seattle, the player, like her, must be motivated by anger and revenge.
I am continuously intrigued by how the game is manipulating my emotions so that I may be placed in maximum empathy with Ellie at any given moment. Use of visual and story symbols like the guitar are mini-triggers which call Joel to mind at unexpected turns. We will be steadily solving puzzles, distracted into a lull by collecting supplies in a vast and beautiful environment, and then, boom: the guitar, and the song. If I ever were to lose you... It’s like an anchor to the truth.
The trailers have also, I’ve found, been a major source of grief and disappointment for me, placing me firmly within Ellie’s constant cycle of denial and realization as we go. For example, in the release date trailer, during a pivotal moment, it is Joel who places his hand over Ellie’s mouth, and it is Joel who says, “You think I’d let you do this on your own?” So when this happens in game, during the Hillcrest escape, its a huge moment. The player is filled with anticipation and excitement. We are going to see Joel. Regardless of whether it is real or not, we are going to see him.
But at this point in the story, it’s not Joel. In game, in real time, it’s Jesse. They’re fucking with us. It’s like we’re living inside of Ellie’s delusion, her grief and her fantasy. That Joel would be there at the last moment to save her life, as he did so many times in TLoU. As he did in the hotel outside of Jackson, with the Bloater who had her pinned to the floor. It’s not Joel, it’s Jesse. The disappointment is crushing, but the truth makes sense. It’s so obvious. Of course it’s Jesse. We’re just reliving the past, with Ellie. Over and over again, and we can’t escape. This game is turning out to be a very interesting mediation on grief, and how it follows us, how it can even change and mold our perception of reality.
These are my latest takes on TLoU2. As usual, they’re just personal observations and points of view, not meant to change anyone’s mind. I’m not finished with the game, so please no spoilers or spoilery comments in the replies. Thank you! ^_^ -gala
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What I Had To Do - TLoUII SPOILERS
I started feeling compelled to write a deep reflection on The Last of Us Part II when it became clear I was going to be playing as Abby for quite some time. Like everyone else, I imagine, I had made up my mind about Abby almost immediately. She would die, and I would be the one to do it. I didn’t want to play as Abby, I wanted to not move the controller and just have her die. But the game makes the choices here.
Of course, knowing Naughty Dog and expecting the level of quality I did from this game, there was certainly a reason we were slated to spend so much time with her. While I ultimately came to respect this choice, it was plain to see that the game was going to attempt to change our minds about Abby, to show us how she came to be the person she is and how she was driven to do the things she had done. For this reason, I was not engaged in Abby’s story. Because, like I said, I’d already made up my mind.
The brilliantly-handled revelation of her father being the surgeon the player is forced to kill in the first game was enough to fully humanize this woman who, in the space after she kills Joel up until she is hoisted in the Seraphite noose is surely the most viciously despised character on Playstation. Even though I kept the difficulty low in order to breeze through her portion of the story, I admittedly did eat my words: “If they can change my mind about Abby, I’ll be shocked.” My mind was changed just about as much as Abby’s heart changed throughout her ~10 hours of game time. She ends up doing almost exactly what Joel does for Ellie for a very similar reason, although Lev’s brain can’t save the world.
When I found Abby at the Pillars, I had already decided that if the game were to give me the option to press Square to kill Abby or circle to let her live, I’d smash the circle button. When Ellie says “I can’t let you leave,” I thought to myself, “yes, let’s actually do let her leave, but we probably should fuck her up a little bit, right?” Fuck her up we did, but of course the game isn’t base enough to trivialize the story it’s told over 20+ hours by letting you funnel out all your rage with a button press, completely destroying Ellie’s and Lev’s lives with a single click.
So ultimately, Abby’s segment shows us a lot about the world we’re living in inside this game, and the metaphor of warring clans with their own agendas and perspectives very directly reflects the distilled personal motivations behind Abby’s and Ellie’s actions. I said a hundred times that Abby’s section was too long, and I think I’d drastically shorten the first act. I don’t think we needed to stroll through the base and see kids taking classes in an attempt to humanize and raise the stakes for her. When we’re forced to play as her, we are not interested in what is happening. You could start with information about Owen and the coming attack on the Island. A lot of Abby’s section felt like Druckmann knowing that we need more hours for $60. But this may have been because until Lev’s mother dies in her cabin, I still wanted to watch her die.
This is where it all changed for me, except for the feeling that her segment was still too long. One thing this segment does perfectly and to hopefully great and continued effect, is to show us--more than the game already has--that LGBTQI+ stories are now a part of our human experience, and these people will be in the stories we tell. And it won’t be a fucking big deal. “Do you want me to ask about it?” “No.”
I was able to stay almost entirely blind to the promotional materials for Part II. When I started the game at 11pm CST, I knew only that there was a guitar, there was a fight in a shopping area, and there was a real bad person cutting a hanging guy’s stomach open. I was also able to avoid anyone’s conjecture about the game, but in seeking the opinions of others after I’d completed it, I’ve discovered the bizarre criticisms about the narrative. Namely, being forced to play as Abby for so long and having “social issues” shoved in their face when they’re “just trying to play the game.” I had a problem with the Abby segment even after I began to see its purpose, but eventually it cracked me open in the way it intended. In making me do the things she’d done, I was of course forced to fully realize her perspective from the moment we’re put over her shoulder instead. But the latter issue is what bothers me to no end, and it’s upsetting that we’re still here as gamers.
If someone has a problem with Ellie’s sexuality or coming of age, Dina’s sexuality, Lev’s gender identity, or the fact that all our main characters are women, then the only hope I have for that player is that they might see themselves in Seth. Seth is the physically oldest character we see in the game, and he is the only character who has any problem with what he’s seeing. He’s alone in his bigotry and he is weak. He will die very soon and he will do nothing meaningful before then, aside from being forced to make free steak sandwiches for those he has hurt by those who are in power and do not take his side. If this hypothetical--although very real--player fails to make this revelation and turn this corner, if that person still disapproves of the story being told, my question to them would be: “did you accidentally buy this when you meant to download Call of Duty: Warzone?” If you’re not playing the game for the story, you should just play a game where you’re always shooting things. If you are playing the game for the story and you have a problem with the story, also fuck off to Call of Duty. I use Call of Duty here because it’s mainstream and not objectionable and you are holding the trigger through most of the game where the story doesn’t matter if you don’t want it to, not because I have a problem with its playerbase or the games themselves.
The dissent I still cling to is that it’s difficult to ratchet intensity upward and keep motivation high when you know the character has to survive because you’ve seen a future piece of the story--especially when you don’t want them to survive. This was most sharply upsetting when I was still playing as Abby after she shoots Jesse and Tommy in their heads. I felt like tossing the controller and quitting. The only reason I can think of for this choice is that the trope of unwinnable fights in games exposes the guts therein. For me, though, this exposed them even more. I would rather have tried very hard to kill Abby and then have her overpower me with those cannon arms and watch the devastating Dina scene play out. It’s what I wanted just then, and was undoubtedly what Ellie wanted. This would have aligned me more with her, the character who I would still side with instantly and unquestionably. It was so strange to fight Ellie’s AI, particularly because the computer does not play her like I do, and for the only portion in the entire game, she was not human. I understand what this rigid perspective attempts to illustrate, but the choice still puzzles me greatly.
While I am still able to see why the game did it and why it was necessary, there was no way I was ever going to care about the Jackson Crew. This made playing with Manny and Mel very frustrating. Owen’s meta-perspective philosophizing about how none of the clans are actually any different from each other was interesting, but it was not touched on for very long, and now seems to only have been there to benefit Abby’s journey toward her own perspective-altering events. I see this as the only other true failing of the game, although I don’t have any idea how it could’ve been done differently. Aside from being shorter.
The reason everyone hates playing as Abby is because very few narratives have ever fully explored the other side of a conflict, and for us to be forced to see that, to play as The Bad Guy for so long, is something we’re absolutely going to hate for a long time. It does, or it should if you’re paying attention, eventually do exactly what it’s supposed to do. When Abby becomes human, we can then say that we’ve experienced the story up to that point. We are almost never shown this, much less forced to do it.
Another thing I’m stuck on but can’t suss out is the theme of pregnancy and innocence. Of course, an unborn baby is completely innocent even in an overgrown hellscape. Where this is most effectively employed is when the knife is at Dina’s throat. “Good.” Maybe the most terrifying line in the whole pair of games. It shows us the depth of hatred these women have fallen to, and how, like the player controlling Joel or Ellie or Abby in parts I and II, when we have to survive, it doesn’t matter what’s going on in anyone else’s life. If we feel someone has wronged us, we take everything from them and don’t consider the consequences. This game does show us our own actions very plainly, and the ultimate consequence could not have been more beautifully shown than in the final chronological scene in Part II. In following her own anger--combined with Tommy’s--she has damaged her connection to the very reason she followed it. She cannot play the song she shared with Joel without wounds appearing in the music itself.
Ultimately, the story told here is about violence. Why, how, and when it is employed, the unexpected casualties thereof, and how it changes the world for everyone connected to it. Love, hate, survival, revenge, and so many more. Joel protecting Ellie ended a lot of lives--starting as duty and perverting into misguided redemption and love. Abby avenging her father ended a lot of lives--starting as revenge and ending as duty and love. The cyclical implication is very clear as we come to blows between the two rowboats, although it is--like many other gigantic story moments--masterfully left un-hinted-at. If Ellie were to have held Abby under the water for a minute more and Lev were to survive somehow, we’d have ourselves a Part III for almost the same reason which started us down the troubling path of Part II. Can you imagine Ellie looking into the boat at a broken and unconscious Lev? Would she have felt something similar to looking over the bars of JJ’s crib?
What a lot of games don’t bother to explore is what violence takes away from those who employ it, no matter the reason for their doing so. When Ellie walks away from the farmhouse where her family used to live, leaving the last object connecting her to Joel there at the window, I was devastated, as I’m sure we all were and as I’m sure the storytellers intended. Through the deeply troubled feeling Naughty Dog left me with, I was searching for meaning, like Ellie was after seeing those giraffes: “After all we’ve been through. Everything that I’ve done. It can’t be for nothing.” What was it for? It seemed like it was going to be difficult to determine when the credits started to roll, but when it appeared to me, I was embarrassed it had taken me so long to figure out. Everyone was led to their devastating conclusion by the same driving force: love.
There’s also been a fair bit of talk about how bleak the outcome is, and how hopeless everything seems. This observation comes down to how deeply we’re hit by Abby’s boat disappearing into the fog as we sit entirely alone, physically and emotionally less than we’ve been so far, and how the ending and outlook of the whole game isn’t really what we want right now because our world doesn’t need a lot of help in the bleak category. Of course we want everything to work out, and we are so used to video games giving us what we want. Tragedy doesn’t cater to the wants of the audience, and the weight of this tragedy is gargantuan. What a knee jerk dismissal of the story would rob you of is the incredible contrast. I finished the game eight days ago and I’ve probably watched the dance scene at least once per day since. How gorgeous. “Oh, Ellie…” says Dina. To feel this moment fully, knowing its the beginning of a beautiful thing that can’t last, is a gift rarely given to any audience or player. It does so much so deeply in 3.5 minutes. That scene in itself shows us that this isn’t what we’re used to, and the bit of Joel and Ellie’s interaction we get in that scene also demonstrates that the things we care most about are not okay right now. We were Joel more than Ellie in the first game and we protected her. We saved her. We want to continue to protect her.
But the decisions Joel made in the hospital guaranteed things would never be okay. What is it that these folks want from the ending? “You killed Abby! Congratulations! Ellie went on to found Joel Miller Memorial Research Center, where a cure was eventually reverse-engineered from a culture of bacteria extracted from Ellie’s intestine. Dina eventually forgave Ellie, and invited her to live with her and JJ inside the walls of Jackson where they dance, free from hatred and despair, every Thursday night.”
It’s hyperbolic, sure, but what a fucking waste that would be. What we have instead is a seemingly insurmountable sorrow which wraps around a glowing core of warmth and beauty which we’ve seen firsthand throughout both games, begging us to discuss and reflect and analyze and feel. Is the ending really entirely hopeless if Ellie puts down and leaves behind the guitar which attached her to Joel? I don’t know if she’s wearing or still has the watch, I’d have to see the cutscenes again. But she’s walking away from it, finally. What could she be walking toward?
Finally, there is one piece of storytelling after the credits, not a cutscene or a piece of text. The iconic title screen rowboat which we assume Ellie rides away in is replaced with its twin, dragged up onto the shore near Abby & Lev’s beached fishing boat. I’m having trouble putting what I believe this means into words that don’t sound too disgustingly sunny, but if Abby and Ellie, these two veritable destroyers are now free from the searing chains of revenge, and we’ve seen their allegiances shift and their hearts fundamentally changed, imagining the good they’re capable of isn’t too terribly difficult a task. That’s disgustingly sunny to even type out, but I believe it’s supported. It’s very clear that at this point, both parties deserve and have earned peace, inside and out.
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Can you write where you have a sleepover with the boys?
Warnings: Kissing, Brief Nudity and Gentle Touching
Word Count: 2191
Setting: The Omni Grove Park Inn (Asheville, NC)
There will be another story. I hope you enjoy this one.
You and the boys have been friends since they were in La Banda because your brother was a contestant. It was their last day on tour and they had the idea to meet up with you so you all could catch up. You hadn’t seen them in a while with the tour that was going on, so they asked what you wanted to do. Your answer was a sleepover and watch all of your childhood movies like The Lion King, Tarzan, High School Musical, etc… They all agreed to meet you by Friday morning, about 10 AM, since you did not have class on Friday. They had their final show for the tour tonight so they were not gonna be up to it. They give you the info to the hotel. You put it in your gps and noticed that it would take you approximately 3 hours to drive there. This was not an issue for you because you live 4 hours away from college back to your home.
You knew that you would have to get up early to get there.You set your alarm and almost couldn’t sleep because you were so excited. There was one of the members that you were very fond of, but you were not sure if they felt the same way. Soon that would change. The next morning you get up and get ready. You were in a yellow flowered crop top, a pair of light colored blue jeans, a pair of yellow heels, and a summer hat. When you arrive, you feel a little tired but you knew that it would be worth it. You text everyone that you are there. A few moments later, you see a familiar face, but his appearance had changed from the last time you had seen him. To be honest, college was hard, so you had little to no time for social media.
You get out of your car and smiled, “Erick!” He looks up with the same smile that was still so innocent. You run up to hug him and he did the same. Before you could stop, your bodies collided. “Oww” was the only thing you said after that. His hug turned into an unwavering sense of a kind, very gentle, yet strong person that knows what they want. This almost made you want to be hugged by him more, and feel his gentle embrace, but you knew it was wrong. You feel that he was pulling back at the same time that you were and he stared into your eyes for a moment. He shyly looked away and offered to take your bag for you.
As you walk into the hotel lobby, Erick seemed excited to ask if you were liking college and how hard it was to balance it. He said, “I want to go to college.” I smiled, “I think that college would suit you perfectly.” He gave the biggest smile “You think so? The boys…” You walk in front of him making sure he stopped, “Erick, you are so smart. Don’t let people make you think otherwise; including anybody on social media or otherwise.” A wave of sadness came over him. “There are so many people that say that I am clueless when the boys are talking.” You felt bad for him because this was an issue, even when they were in La Banda. You hug him and say, “Let others think what they want. I know you are smart and you can do anything you put your mind to, don’t let others discourage you. Even the boys.” You smile and turn around towards the elevator. Just as you hit the up button, the door opened and there were two other familiar faces.
Joel and Zabdiel appeared very concerned. Joel was the first person to notice you and he smiled, stepping off of the elevator first, then Zab followed. Joel gave you a hug. It was a gentle, yet strong and aggressive hug. You felt that he was working out more. His muscular arm caressed your back, pulling you in closer. As you pull back from Joel, you see Zab looking at you. His gaze met yours. You hear Joel and Erick mention they were going up to the front desk to ask a question. You hear their footsteps fade and Zab is still caressing you with the softest hug. Right before you try and pull away from him, he whispers in your ear, “I missed you.” He gives you a super soft kiss on the cheek. You remembered how the guys always teased him and Richard for liking you. Joel and Erick come back around the corner. Joel raises an eyebrow, “You two are still hugging?” You immediately pull away and could tell Zab didn’t want to let you go. Erick picked at Zab like old times, “Ohh you still have a crush~” Zab gave him the death glare and he stopped.
Joel had pushed the button and it immediately opened with a older couple. They smiled and the husband stepped out. The older woman looked in my direction. Joel held the door so it wouldn’t close. The older woman walked out and towards me, whispering, “Young lady, the man standing beside you likes you. He keeps staring at you. His look is the same as my husband’s, and he is not bad on the eyes at all.” You smile, kind of embarrassed, but you knew it was Zab standing beside you. You look up at him and the lady taps your shoulder before walking away.
You step into the elevator quickly and you go up. When the door opens, Christopher looked frustrated, but his frustration melted as he smiled and gave a hug. His arms were more buff than what you remembered, but he was still the same giggly person. Everyone is walking down the hall to get to the room. All of you were doing silly things and running up and down the hall until you reached the room. Zab had opened the door and allowed you to walk in first. You see Richard in a towel. He sees you and gets startled, resulting in his towel falling. He picks up the towel quickly as you turn and you hear the door slam behind you. Zab was right there and he held you in his arms, asking if you were okay. You nodded, “Yeah, just a little startled is all.” The boys got quiet and they changed the subject. They started talking about the movies you were set to watch, so you jumped into the conversation as well. You wanted to forget about the embarrassing scene that played out just then.
Everyone sat on the couch with Zab sitting right beside you. You noticed that Zab was kind of angry, and you saw him texting someone. You figured it was Richard, but you left it alone. You started debating which movie you were gonna watch, then Zab put his head on your shoulder and got comfortable. You were used to it from all of them. For a moment, it seemed the movie debate was very intense, and the intensity left the room when the door opened and Richard emerged. Everyone looked at him, his face red with embarrassment. He never looked in my direction until he spoke up, “Hey, (Y/N), could you talk to me on the balcony?” He immediately looked down and walked out onto the balcony.
Zab groaned as he lifted his head from your shoulder. You stood up and walked out to the balcony. Richard immediately closed the door behind you and began to apologize, “I’m sorry about that. I didn’t realize what time it was and I thought I had a few more minutes.” You laugh, telling him it was fine and that it was an honest mistake. You knew he didn’t mean to drop the towel, so there was nothing to stress over. He looked at you and he smiled, “Thanks for understanding. Again, I am so sorry.” You smile and he hugs you, feeling his muscles ripping through his shirt. You back off because it was too much.
You open the door, seeing that Zab was glaring at him. You scan the room, seeing that Chris was making the popcorn. They had decided what movie they were watching. It was Mulan and you loved it. Joel went into the room and you followed. You notice a California king bed and you see him with a remote in his hand, so you figure everyone was going in the room. Chris said the popcorn was ready and he had a bag full of snacks. It looked like it was enough for 4 days. But you remembered how much Chris ate, so it was totally called for. Everyone went to the room and you all laid on the bed. Zab laid down next to you on your left, and then Richard laid next to you on the right.
It felt calming. Everyone was having a good time picking out the parts that were the funniest, grabbing food, and ordering room service. You paused the movie to sing and dance to some Aventura, Selena, Paula Abdul, Ricky Martin, Michael Jackson, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, TLC, Whitney Houston, etc… You woke up and remembered that you had gone through 12 movies. Somehow, it had changed over time because Coco was on. You felt Zab was asleep on your chest, and so was Richard, but you did not want to move because they looked so peaceful. The problem was that you had to use the bathroom, so something was going to change. You gently moved their heads and got up. You felt Richard grab your arm and ask if you were okay. You smile, telling him you are okay and he goes back to sleep. You go to the bathroom and come back. You checked your phone when you got back, 5:32 AM.
You crawl back into the bed and go back to sleep. You wake back up and everyone else is awake by now. You debate what to watch again and everyone eventually got their pick. You chose your favorite movie, The Lion King. All of you stay up again and be silly all over again. This time, instead of watching movies, there was a skating rink nearby that had 90’s night. All of you went; it was one of the best times you have ever had. Everyone talked and roller skated.There were a couple of slips and falls, along with a little laughter afterwards, but overall that was an adventure. You grabbed fro-yo and then and you went to a mystery museum. You had a great time because Christopher was trying to scare you. He did and he laughed the whole time.
You looked at the clock and saw the time was 11:30 PM. You told them that you had to go back to the room and go to sleep. This would end your adventures in the city, which sucked. When you got back, Joel asked why you had to get back to sleep. You reply, “I had to set an alarm to get up early because I have class Monday. I still have to drive back.” He frowned, “Oh, ok.” There was an extra room so you could sleep in peace. You calmed down and eventually drift off. Your alarm goes off, so you get up and shower. You get all of your stuff together, saddened. With everything packed up, you were on your way out of the door, about to say bye to the boys.
You hear a knock at the door so you open it and see all of the boys at the door with the saddest puppy dog eyes. “Are you sure you have to go?” Erick asked sadly. You sigh, “Unfortunately. I do. I’m gonna miss y’all.” You give everyone hugs and Zab walked away, which meant he was crying. You walk over to him and look him in his eyes; they were puffy and red. You smile and tell him that he can visit your university anytime he wants. He can even perform there when they have their annual celebrity performance. He smiles and a tear falls from his face onto yours. You wipe away his tears as well as your own. You give him a kiss on the cheek to say goodbye. You try and walk away, but Zab gently grabs your face and kisses you. His lips were soft against yours, like the center of a rose petal. You smile, trying to hold back tears, and he kisses you again. You tell him, “Stop, you’re gonna make me cry.” He lets go and tells you goodbye. You walk out the door and get into your car, waving at them. They were looking out the window sadly. You drive off, playing your favorite happy songs to stop from crying.
#CNCO #Zabdiel # Richard # Erick #Joel #Christopher
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New Years w/ Joel
Day 5, it’s Christmas, and ya girl is tired 😴 I loved this little marathon it was so fun and different so i hope y’all liked, i saved one of my favs for last, it’s a little long tho sry. So enjoy some first kiss Joelito action~
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You step out of the house and into the cold with as much enthusiasm as you’d had all month. This was your season, the only time you felt at peace and ready to take on anything.
With Christmas already passed and the new year arriving within hours, you were full of so much excitement you could barely contain it.
You were never one to pass up a good party, so when your friends had managed to get you all into the hottest event in town, you swear it was a Navidad miracle.
You spent all day gettin dressed up and making yourself pretty that when the time came for you to leave, you left the house with the intention to have the best time and to make this new year your bitch.
.
You get to the venue and are a little taken back. Definitely not what you expected. Instead of a building or even a small night club, you were staring into the heart of an old parking garage.
You check your surroundings and decide if you should leave or not. Instead you send a text to the group chat of friends you’re meeting.
“Uuhhh?? Estoy aquí....?”
You wrap yourself tighter in your jacket and wait for a text. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to wear this short of a dress.
You gather some courage and walk into the sketchy garage. Your keys are secured in your hands tightly and you’re so thankful for the pepper spray on your keychain.
The first and second floors are cold and dark. Little flurries of snow brush against your cheeks and you sniffle. The lights are so dim and you hate every part of it.
You start halfway up the steps to the third floor and you can’t help but feel you’re being watched. The sound of very faint music is in the far distance and it gives you slight reassurance.
Until you hear footsteps behind you. You whip around and see nothing. Your heart races a little and you hope it’s nothing.
The footsteps get faster. You stop in your tracks and yell out into the empty void.
“If you’re trying to scare me, stop being a coward and do it already” Something shuffles from behind a car and you inch closer cautiously, pepper spray ready to go.
Your breathe hitches from adrenaline as you finally reach the side of the car. You lean over to get a good visual and prepare yourself for.....
Nothing.
You sigh in relief and as soon as you turn back around a figure jabs at your sides teasingly and screams “bOO”
You scream and throw your keys at the person quickly, not even realizing who it is.
“Tranquila, T/N” they say with a chuckle and you clear the hair that fell over your eyes from your scare.
“JOEL YOU ASS” you’re relieved but annoyed at the same time and hit his arm with your fist.
“Damn good thing it was just me,” he observed the keys you threw a him. “Cuz i don’t know how you’d make it with throwing your weapon AT the bad guy,”
He pulls you into the same hug he gives you every time you see each other and you feel more at ease. He’s warm and smells like the cologne you like.
His arm lingers on your waist and you hold back a tiny smile. He was always so sweet with you, even if he could be a total jerk sometimes. You’d been friends since high school, so you knew his antics, and it was always in good fun.
“This place is scary dude where the hells the party” you shiver and stand closer next to him.
“Lo sé, it’s weird, but trust me you’re reaaally gonna like it up there,” he motions up and pats your back. “3 more floors up tho sorry”
You “ugH” annoyingly and follow him up the stairs.
As you reach the last staircase of your journey, the party being held becomes more noticeable to you. The music is louder than ever and you hear a multitud of voices filling the scene.
At this point you’re running up the last few steps and get a first look at it all. It was the same old format of the parking garage. But there were tables upon tables of drinks and snacks, a setup of beer pong and numerous other games. Your favorite was the lights, the dark space of the building let the fluorescent colored bulbs bounce off the walls and dance across moving bodies.
There was even a damn dj in the far corner, a crowd of people jumping and singing in a circle in front of him.
“What the hell???? ?” It slips from your mouth and Joel laughs. “Weird, huh? Like what is this place, who thinks of this??” he jokingly agrees.
You guys wander around the area until you make your way to a drink stand where you see the rest of your friends have congregated. They’re taking shots and already seem waaayy above Joel and your party level.
They shove a few drinks in your guys faces, trying to get you both a little “loose” as they said. “You guys are always so uptight, have some fun,”
You look at Joel with a hesitated look because you knew how much he didn’t like the whole “getting trashed at a party” scene.
He always told you how much you didn’t have to hold back at parties with him. He felt bad that you liked to make him comfortable and stay somewhat sober through these kinds of nights.
It wasn’t all for him tho, he was your best friend, it felt so wrong to have him sit back and be the only one not participating. And plus, you always managed to have way more fun together anyway, alcohol or no alcohol.
He looks at you reassuringly before starting, “I’m good with just this drink, but i know T/N wants one,” you shoot him a glare because he knows you weren’t planning on drinking. “Joel, no it’s okay, i don’t-“
By then your friends are already cheering you on and pouring one more for you. “I’m not letting you be a loser with me tonight,” he says to you with a smile. “Have fun, you really deserve it, I’ll be fine”
You crack a little side smile and cross your arms disapprovingly. “Fine.” You take off your bulky coat and toss it on the table. “Just one, that’s it”
You grab the tiny plastic cup and gulp it down with ease. You shiver a little from the impact and chase it with the coke Joel had in his hand. “Not so great?” He laughs and you hand his drink back.
You agree with a little “mhmm” and separate yourself from the group before they make you do another. Joel follows as you lead him to another table that seems to be a “make your own drink” stand.
“Is this sketchy???” He says and you shrug, “i dunno, better to make our own than drink whatever the hell that shit was that they just gave me” you make a face and he laughs.
“Alright then I’ll be the bartender,” he makes his way on the other side of the table. “What can i get ya, ma’am?” His accent forms into a terrible southern drawl.
“Surprise me, cowboy” you mock and he starts scrambling at the various liquids surrounding him. You realize what he’s trying to make and observe with a grin as he catches on to his big mistake: no ice, no blender.
“Uuuuhhh...” he second glances around and puts his hands on his hips. “I fucked up, didn’t I” you glance at his mixture, the saddest piña colada you’ve ever seen, and throw a bendy straw in it. “I’ve seen better, but this’ll do,” you take a sip and hold back how fuckED his mixing ratio was with a sarcastic “mmmm....”. He throws a stack of red plastic cups at you.
“Te odio,” he says as you throw a cup back. “I know it’s your favorite so i thought I’d try,” you beam on the inside at his little meaningful acts of kindness he always did for you.
You look towards the crowd around the dj growing and spot your friends once again. “Ven,” you motion towards them. “Let’s go dance,”
As the night went on, time seemed to almost drag on in your anticipation for the New Year. There was only so much dancing and mingling you could do for hours on end.
You were thrilled when the dj stopped the music suddenly and made the announcement. “5 minutes everyone, get ready for the countdown soon”
The crowd cheered and gathered around the tables to pour themselves more champagne and random drinks. With the sudden rush of people preparing themselves, you found yourself cut off from your group.
You wandered around in hopes to find at least one of your friends to share the moment with. But with time passing quickly, you decided to toughen up and enjoy it alone.
Becoming more aware of your location, you remember that there was a scheduled firework show across the city that was probably visible from here. You find the nearest staircase and climb the last 2 floors to the roof.
You wrap your arms around yourself and blow warm air into your hands as the cold hits you first hand. You look up at the open sky and see the light snowfall, reflecting off the faint city lights in the distance.
You lean against a cold rail on the edge of the building, your teeth beginning to chatter quickly. You get lost in a sudden new year daydream.
You close your eyes as you imagine some fantasy love interest- typical. It was always this time of year that made you want it more and more. Someone to sweep you off your feet with a huge romantic gesture. When the moment is perfect and the snow is falling just like this.
Someone to find you unexpectedly, tap you on the shoulder and say-
“Que haces güey?????”
The fantasy is cut off by another lame scare attempt from Joel. “BrO” you say out of fright and when your shivering becomes more intense his smile fades a little.
Oh shit, where’s your coat,” he starts to take his off and wrap it around you, rubbing your arms to warm you up. “I th-th-think i lost it,” you chatter, the cold and sudden nerves hitting you.
“I saw you come up here, you wanna go back inside where it’s warme-“ he’s cut off by the sudden burst of fireworks in the distance. The both of you jump a little, not even aware that the new year countdown had just ended.
You both stare up at the bursting lights in the air, not realizing the distance that was closed between you both.
He had you in his arms as an attempt to keep you warm and you hadn’t noticed just how bundled up into his chest you had become.
“Happy new year lol” you joke, trying to lighten the air that you both just missed the big moment. “Good thing we’re up here so we didn’t have to watch everyone have gross New Years makeouts,” He laughs to agree and you continue to watch the fireworks finish off.
They start dying down one by one and you close your eyes to make your New Years wishes.
You open your eyes to find Joel staring down at you, “What?...” you say nervously as he smiles.
“I’ve known you for years and i still can’t get over how you do that,” you finally step out of his grip and watch as he talks to you.
“I’ve seen a lot of New Years rituals like the whole colorful underwear for luck or love, or even when people eat all those grapes as the clock strikes, but I’ve never met anyone who straight up just makes wishes,”
“Listen you can roast me all day for my weird superstition, but I’m just sayin, maybe you should try it before you talk smack,” you joke and he leans against the rail lining the building, closing his eyes.
“Alright,” he says and rubs his hands together. “I’m all in, teach me how to do this whole wish thing,”
You take the opportunity to roll your eyes at him since he’s not looking. “There’s nothing to teach, just make a wish,” you stick a tongue out at him and mock him even more.
“My eyes are closed, but i can see that” he points at you with a little frown.
“Ok shh I’m starting,” you get silent and watch the faces he makes as he’s thinking and wonder what the wish is. His furrowed brow softens and a shy smile plasters his face, he giggles and rubs the back of his neck, he was nervous.
He slowly opens his eyes and stares right at you. You’re wrapping yourself deeper into his jacket and give him a confused look. “Ta’ bien, güey?” You say as he makes his way to you.
“I just-“ he laughs nervously again. “I didn’t have a wish i guess,” you roll your eyes. “Dont do that” he continues. “I think i just realized something tho...”
You give him a look and you’re more confused then ever. “And...?” You suggest for him to go on. “You’re the risk taker in this friendship, you always have been,” he starts.
“And you always peer pressure me into taking more risks sooo,,” none of what he’s saying is making sense to you so you listen understandingly. “I want to tell you how i really feel about you.” Your eyes grow wide and heart skips a beat from anxiety.
You stumble for words but nothing comes out. He looks nervous- no- more than nervous, but he finishes. He grabs your hands in his and you know he’s not joking this time. “I’ve just- i always knew there was something between us. Ever since i met you.. you became more than my best friend. You’re somehow the angel and devil on my shoulders, you’re my positivity when I’m down, you- you’re basically my everything.”
You try not to get emotional at the sudden confession. You couldn’t deny you had felt it too, just never let it surface for the sake of your friendship. Your eyes water a little through a shy grin and that tells him everything he needs to know.
“Can I.....can i kiss you?” He almost whispers and you melt.
“I-“ you rock back and forth on your heels nervously like a child. “I think I’d like that,” you finish and he smiles the biggest you’ve ever seen, his perfect teeth peeking through and his eyes shining against the moon light.
He takes his time and grabs you by the flap of his jacket that was blanketed around you. His hand slides up your neck to cup your cheek gently and you can’t help but look to the side embarasingly from the touch.
“No te pongas tímida..” he says in that voice that he’s used on you so many times. For as long as he’s known you, he always knew how to relax you when you were spiraling.
You look up into his eyes and they’re so familiar, yet you’ve never seen this look in them before. You see his breathe in the cold air and it feels like you’ve been looking at each other for an eternity now.
He leans closer.....
His eyes never leaving yours
He smiles once again before his eyes flutter shut. You quickly do the same and feel the warmth of his lips brush to yours.
The contact is slight and not full yet. You both pause almost as to savor the moment. Feeling this tiny touch from him was making your senses go crazy.
He lets out a shaky breathe and finally presses his lips to yours.
At first they softly meet, resting against each other nervously to find the perfect position. It’s short and sweet, a bundle of anxious bodies snuggled up against each other.
The next moment is more courageous. You both know what the first feeling is like, and suddenly you become more open.
Your lips begin to move against each other’s, finding a rhythm to work with. He’s holding onto you so gently still and it’s the most safe you’ve ever felt before. With that, you reach up to touch him. Letting your fingers roam the side of his face, and he lets out a loving sigh against you.
He has both hands on either side of your face now and he’s holding you still. His lips roam from your lips to the corner of your mouth, covering as much ground as they can. You smile and he continues to kiss your cold cheeks, your chin, your nose, before finally returning to your lips.
He stops and lets them hover over you again. His eyes are closed and his breathe is heavy like yours. His arms move down around your waist, pulling your bodies together. He takes a breath, and suddenly he’s lifting you up off your feet, his lips meeting yours once again.
He spins around once and you smile against his mouth as he sets you down, feeling a smile grow on him as well. “What the hell was that,” you brush your lips against his as you speak. “I dunno, saw it in a movie, just always wanted to do that i guess.” He says innocently and you lay your head on his chest, his arms around you to keep you locked in a hug.
Now that’s one way to start the year off.
#i have such a soft spot for mi joelito ugh#imma be honest#but when i started following cnco more than 2 years ago joel was my FAV#it was mainly bc he was mex and close to my age#so hes my ride or die 💪🏽#mi joelito#cnco#cnco imagine
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The Friendly Film Fan Mini Reviews (2018)
Due to time constraints and the nature of finals week being intensely busy, I’m not able to give my full time and attention to every movie I see in theaters in terms of writing up a full-length review (though I did just write up two for Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse and Bumblebee, so go check those out). Occasionally as well, I get busy enough after seeing one that by the time I actually do have time to write a full-length review, the relevance of said review has passed with time. With this in mind, I do a set of mini-reviews each year that are more like short summaries of what I thought of each film, along with the usual score on a scale of 1 to 10. Not every movie I didn’t write a full review for this year will get one, but I’ll try to cover the ones I feel that I need to for this list. Here are The Friendly Film Fan’s mini reviews for the calendar year of 2018:
A Simple Favor:
A Simple Favor provides a decent showcase for Blake Lively’s acting abilities with style for days, but the mystery really isn’t anything special, playing off as a sort of discount version of Gone Girl that forgot why that movie worked so well, but Anna Kendrick is cute, and at least it has some good performances amidst lackluster dialogue. Really expected more from this one. 6.4/10.
Leave No Trace:
Please never let director Debra Granik leave us for this long again, even though the result of it is perhaps the best movie to come out about post-war veteran life in a really long time. Ben Foster puts on a great performance that’s par for the course for him at this point, but the standouts here are Thomasin McKenzie, a genuine talent that should get a lot more work after this, and a script that respects its audience just as well, if not better, than it respects its subject matter. 9.8/10.
A Prayer Before Dawn
A terrifically performed but occasionally difficult to watch, brutally hard-hitting movie with a career best turn from Joe Cole, A Prayer Before Dawn firmly establishes A24 as not just one of, if not the, best independent movie studio working today, but also the most ambitious. It tackles things like drug addiction and gang violence while also being a uniquely inspiring coming-of-age character piece. The film being set in a Taiwanese prison without subtitles (until Cole’s character learns to speak the language that is) truly lends to the sense of the world, and the result is really quite special. 9.4/10.
You Were Never Really Here
Lynne Ramsay’s meditation on humanity’s obsession with violence is a stunning watch, as the film actively chooses to refuse to let the audience partake in such brutal acts as depicted in a tour de force performance (perhaps a career best) from Joaquin Phoenix. The film is always focused on how badly people want to see the violence and then forces you to reflect on why you wanted to in the immediate aftermath of its happening. The editing, direction, and Phoenix’s performance all add up to a seriously impactful watch. 9.4/10.
The Clovehitch Killer
Many people were wondering if I was going to give this movie a full review, given that both my younger sisters are in it, but given how low it flies on the radar being a VOD release simultaneous with its limited theatrical run, a full review may not have gained a lot of traction. That being said, this is a really solid example of how to do a good film on a low budget; it’s noticeable, but it doesn’t detract from the overall narrative as much as it typically would in a movie like this. The first act takes a bit to pick up some steam, but once Charlie Plummer finds a box in a barn, it’s a pretty tense ride the rest of the way. 7.2/10.
The Kindergarten Teacher
Netflix has been picking up some pretty good stuff lately, and while I haven’t yet viewed 22 July or The Ballad of Buster Scruggs yet (still waiting for ROMA as well), this is a pretty good indicator as to how they’ll get into the awards circuit. It’s good, and Maggie Gyllenhaal is really good in it, but the protagonist is just too unlikable for me to want to keep watching. Gyllenhaal plays the part well, but it’s difficult to root for someone to kidnap a child (which is a thing that happens). 7/10.
Ralph Breaks the Internet
No, it’s not as good as the widely beloved first film, and that’s largely because what made the first one so special was its emphasis on classic arcade style video games as a means to tell a story but not the point of the story, a self-growth tale about Ralph learning to not be insecure about his place in the broader world he occupied, and also an arc that’s immediately forgotten as this one starts. The sequel aims to mostly just show off everything Disney owns in animated form since it takes place in the internet, but much like the internet, it seems much more concerned with selling you something rather than actually making a new point, though given Disney animation’s storytelling pedigree, you still have a good bit of fun along the way. 8.2/10.
Boy Erased
If there’s a singular film I’m more disappointed in than any other this year, it would be Joel Edgerton’s Boy Erased, an LGBT drama about the dangers of conversion therapy that doesn’t really seem to make any greater point other than “conversion therapy is bad.” Everyone in it does solid performance work, but it’s all just pretty good work where it could be great, there’s a whole rape scene that’s never really addressed by the movie except for briefly after it happens but not in context to the main character, and the whole thing is so drab and colorless right from the get-go that it feels like Edgerton doesn’t want you to feel any sense of joy even before the bad stuff happens. It’s not a bad movie, but it feels incredibly lackluster given the talent involved. 6.9/10.
Bohemian Rhapsody
And if there were any film this year people probably should be more disappointed by, it’s this paint-by-numbers recap of the highlights of classic rock legend Freddie Mercury, with his time in the band Queen serving as the main backdrop. Rami Malek’s physical performance is too devoted and genuinely astounding to not garner him some awards attention, and the use of a Mercury sound-a-like he lip syncs over shouldn’t be held against him in terms of that, but it does make a little bit of a difference since one can tell it’s definitely not Malek’s voice in the singing parts. The re-creation of the Live Aid concert is a true work of art, but getting there is such a plain ride, it’s honestly kind of boring. In fact, there’s whole edits in the film where one of Queen’s hit songs will start being written, and then it cuts away to a concert version of it but doesn’t bother to stay in any one spot for more than a few seconds at a time, and the moment either gains momentum too quickly or loses it entirely. This film needed to be great in order to justify being more than just another fairly average Brian Singer movie, and in my view at least, it didn’t accomplish that. 6.1/10.
Lean on Pete
Another foray into small film territory from A24, this coming-of-age tale starring Charlie Plummer in the role that will almost certainly propel him to stardom if he’s not there already is a terrific, moving portrait of grief, hope, loss, and love so subtly rendered by the script that by the time it rips your heartstrings out at the end, you barely realize the impact of the journey you just went on and the credits are already rolling. And hey, it’s always nice to see Steve Buscemi get work that unexpectedly fits him since he’s becoming such a recognizable chameleon of an actor; we may always recognize his face, but his performances just keep getting deeper. 9.4/10.
And those are all of my mini-reviews for the calendar year of 2018. Any you didn’t see on the list that you’d hoped to? Any verdicts you’re surprisingly elated or disappointed by? Let me know in the comments below! Thanks for reading, and keep an eye out for my next review, coming soon!
#Mini Reviews#2018#The Friendly Film Fan#Movie Review#Film Review#Movie Reviews#Film Reviews#A Simple Favor#Leave No Trace#A Prayer Before Dawn#You Were Never Really Here#The Clovehitch Killer#The Kindergarten Teacher#Ralph Breaks the Internet#Wreck-It Ralph 2#Boy Erased#Bohemian Rhapsody#Lean on Pete
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Microworkouts: Effective, At Home Workouts In Two Minutes or Less
A lot of us get hung up on this idea of what an exercise session is supposed to look like. We think about driving over to the gym, squeezing into a crowded class, or working through a room full of complex contraptions, machines, and heavy plates. In our minds, it has to be a certain duration or intensity, or it doesn’t count. It has to have a warm-up and a cool-down, and we’re supposed to sweat so we’ll need to shower when it’s over. That mindset turns the simple act of moving your muscles into something you don’t have time for, something you’re too tired or sore to do today, something that seems too overwhelming for the moment you’re in right now. Don’t underestimate the power of short, at home workouts.
I’m challenging you to change your mindset, emerge from our flawed, dated and narrow approach to fitness and step into a much broader perspective about what it means to be fit. The concept of microworkouts is taking hold, and being touted by emerging science, respected coaches, trainers and elite athletes. I’m seeing a shift in the way people think about how to get fit: we’ve had enough with making the same mistakes over and over.
Microworkouts: Reframing our Approach to Exercise
The revolution is definitely a work in progress, and I still see misguided and destructive marketing messages and programming being thrust upon well-intentioned fitness enthusiasts. I still see the “no pain, no gain” approach being encouraged by fitness personalities and celebrated on social media.
For those of us willing to examine outdated beliefs and behavior patterns, and replace them with simple ways to get fitter, healthier, and happier, together we can help usher in a New Fitness movement.
I can attest that things like frequent traveling, minor aches and pains limiting certain activities, or hectic periods of work can throw me off even the most regimented fitness devotee. Often I won’t even realize that my routine has been slipping until I review my workout journals and realize I haven’t bagged a formal sprint session in three weeks.
Enter microworkouts.
What are Microworkouts?
Microworkouts are quick strength moves that you do throughout the course of the day. They can take a few seconds or a few minutes, they can be structured or unstructured, and you can roll them into the more mundane parts of your day, like waiting for your morning coffee to brew or going out to get the mail. These brief, at home workouts don’t seem like much while you’re doing them, but the effects compound over time.
Some examples of microworkouts:
Doing calf raises every time you climb the stairs in your house
Holding a plank while you’re waiting for your smoothie to blend
Ripping out a quick set of tricep dips at your desk before every meeting
The key is that you don’t overthink it. You do it, and then it’s over until you decide to do another microworkout. Even though they involve true energy expenditure, microworkouts seem effortless. The benefits compound over time, and you don’t feel like you’re disrupting the flow of your day at all.
In Keto For Life, we call it JFW, or Just F—ing Walk. Quick, at home workouts or microworkouts outdoors might sneak in there next. If it stops there for the day, great. Or, you may be up for that long-standing foundation of structured cardio, resistance training, or sprint workouts.
Reference the Primal Blueprint Fitness Pyramid recommending 2-5 hours per week of cardio at aerobic heart rates (180 minus age in beats per minute or below), two strength sessions per week lasting 10-30 minutes emphasizing functional, full-body movements, and one sprint workout every 7-10 days featuring all-out efforts lasting between 10-20 seconds with full rest between. These are simply guidelines. Life happens, and microworkouts are there to fill the gap.
Mark’s August 2019 post on microworkouts attracted a ton of feedback from readers. Clearly, this concept is taking hold in the fitness scene and is poised to become a major stand-alone element of a well-balanced program. Devoted MDA reader, Primal Health Coach, and 50+ athletic wonder Stephen Rader wrote a nice article with photos here. Rader mentions that microworkouts are great for skill acquisition because they don’t wear you out and can be performed frequently. He also pointed out that the Blue Zone research is touting the concept as a winning longevity component. Here’s a helpful podcast/video from Matt Schifferle at the Red Delta Project on the subject. He makes an excellent point that frequency and consistency are fitness essentials, and it can often be difficult to achieve those with a formal workout routine.
Matt makes the clever comparison that a microworkout is like chillin’ at home and watching Netflix, or watching a quick video on your mobile device, versus a proper evening out at the movie theaters. A theater experience is still fantastic (as is a full-length workout at the gym), but it’s not always practical, and it’s often less appealing than a micro-entertainment experience at home.
Thanks to forward thinking fitness leaders like Angelo dela Cruz, Laird Hamilton and Gabby Reece, Joel Jamieson, Brian MacKenzie, Dr. Craig Marker, and Dr. Kelly Starrett, we have things like mobility/flexibility training, recovery-based workouts, cold exposure and heat exposure, breath work, and High Intensity Repeat Training adding variety into our fitness plans.
How to do Quick and Effective at Home Workouts (With Video)
The possibilities for microworkouts are infinite! All you need is some creativity and a way to put your body under some form of resistance load. The most important success factor for microworkouts is to adopt the proper mindset and commitment to the project. This is the difficult part, because we have been socialized to view workouts as a big production, requiring significant time, energy, and logistics. The truth is, home workouts can be just as effective.
This all-or-nothing mindset can make you resistant to hauling off a single set of deep squats during a busy workday, because you might think, “what’s the point?” It’s important to embrace the idea that engaging in any and all manner of physical movement throughout the day is essential to your general health, particularly for fat burning and cognitive performance. Recall that sitting for as little as 15 minutes can deliver a significant decline in glucose tolerance and increase in insulin resistance. Simply standing up at work increases caloric expenditure by 10 percent. Talking a leisurely 15-minute walk after a meal lowers the insulin response by half. Walking every day is directly correlated with a boost in brain function.
Little things make a big difference. When some of your movement breaks include brief, explosive microworkout efforts, you enjoy not only the general benefits of movement, but also achieve a significant fitness benefit over time. If you start doing a single set of pull-ups here, a single set of deadlifts there, two years from now you will have hundreds of thousands of pounds and thousands of reps in the bank.
Here are four microworkouts that I do at home, including three that I have set up right in my home office.
Microworkout 1: Air Squat
youtube
Microworkout 2: Pull-ups, or Chin-ups
youtube
Microworkout 3: Stretch Cord Circuit
youtube
Microworkout 4: Hexbar Deadlift
youtube
Let’s take a three-step approach to excelling in microworkouts:
Commitment: I know your fitness to-do list is already long, not to mention your overall life to-do list. However, adding microworkouts into the mix is arguably the easiest way to boost your fitness. You don’t have to schedule time on your busy calendar, nor line up child care to escape for an hour to the gym. You simply have to acknowledge the importance of movement, and the incredible cumulative benefit of brief, explosive bursts, and make a sincere commitment to a microworkout program.
Environment: It’s essential to set yourself up for success with cues, triggers, implements, and apparatuses that make microworkouts compelling and impossible to ignore. The videos accompanying this piece offer some clever suggestions to help you get into the groove. Making a minimal investment in some Stretch Cordz gives you a ton of options to work different muscle groups. Ditto for installing a pull-up bar, a TRX kit, or having a kettlebell nearby. Beyond actual equipment, there are other environmental cues you can associate with microworkouts. For example, if you mount your pullup bar in your closet door, entering the closet is call for a set of pullups. Ditto for my hex bar located on the route to the garbage barrel. Put your microworkout triggers in plain sight, begging you to engage. If the example is doing a set of deep squats at your work desk, write a sticky note or use an app to generate a reminder every two hours. Alas, dialing in your environment will not automatically lead to success unless you integrate the next objective…
Incentives, Rewards, and Benchmarks: Establish some minimum standards to accomplish each day, such as one set of deep squats, one set of Stretch Cordz, and one additional effort choosing from pull-ups or kettlebells. Enter it into your calendar or display a simple sticky note. Don’t break for lunch or leave the office for the evening until you have completed your bare minimum objectives. When I finish a thoughtful email, hang up a lengthy phone call, or reach a natural breaking point in my writing, I’ll reward myself with a cognitive break in the form of a microworkout. If you can enroll a partner in your microworkout journey, this is the best source of inspiration and accountability. Perhaps you can meet in the building stairwell for a quick sprint up two flights of stairs at least once a day, or more by invitation. If you enjoy relaxing in the evening with digital entertainment, establish a rule that you’ll do at least one set of something during each episode of your binge-watch. There are many more ideas of this nature to consider, but it really helps to put some structure into the picture and take it seriously. Seriously, don’t leave the office, ever, until you do at least one set of deep squats every day.
Hopefully the videos will create some inspiration and momentum for your at home workouts. Let me know how microworkouts are going for you, and perhaps share some of your clever ideas for environment, incentives, rewards and benchmarks with the community. Good luck!
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Microworkouts: Effective, At Home Workouts In Two Minutes or Less
A lot of us get hung up on this idea of what an exercise session is supposed to look like. We think about driving over to the gym, squeezing into a crowded class, or working through a room full of complex contraptions, machines, and heavy plates. In our minds, it has to be a certain duration or intensity, or it doesn’t count. It has to have a warm-up and a cool-down, and we’re supposed to sweat so we’ll need to shower when it’s over. That mindset turns the simple act of moving your muscles into something you don’t have time for, something you’re too tired or sore to do today, something that seems too overwhelming for the moment you’re in right now. Don’t underestimate the power of short, at home workouts.
I’m challenging you to change your mindset, emerge from our flawed, dated and narrow approach to fitness and step into a much broader perspective about what it means to be fit. The concept of microworkouts is taking hold, and being touted by emerging science, respected coaches, trainers and elite athletes. I’m seeing a shift in the way people think about how to get fit: we’ve had enough with making the same mistakes over and over.
Microworkouts: Reframing our Approach to Exercise
The revolution is definitely a work in progress, and I still see misguided and destructive marketing messages and programming being thrust upon well-intentioned fitness enthusiasts. I still see the “no pain, no gain” approach being encouraged by fitness personalities and celebrated on social media.
For those of us willing to examine outdated beliefs and behavior patterns, and replace them with simple ways to get fitter, healthier, and happier, together we can help usher in a New Fitness movement.
I can attest that things like frequent traveling, minor aches and pains limiting certain activities, or hectic periods of work can throw me off even the most regimented fitness devotee. Often I won’t even realize that my routine has been slipping until I review my workout journals and realize I haven’t bagged a formal sprint session in three weeks.
Enter microworkouts.
What are Microworkouts?
Microworkouts are quick strength moves that you do throughout the course of the day. They can take a few seconds or a few minutes, they can be structured or unstructured, and you can roll them into the more mundane parts of your day, like waiting for your morning coffee to brew or going out to get the mail. These brief, at home workouts don’t seem like much while you’re doing them, but the effects compound over time.
Some examples of microworkouts:
Doing calf raises every time you climb the stairs in your house
Holding a plank while you’re waiting for your smoothie to blend
Ripping out a quick set of tricep dips at your desk before every meeting
The key is that you don’t overthink it. You do it, and then it’s over until you decide to do another microworkout. Even though they involve true energy expenditure, microworkouts seem effortless. The benefits compound over time, and you don’t feel like you’re disrupting the flow of your day at all.
In Keto For Life, we call it JFW, or Just F—ing Walk. Quick, at home workouts or microworkouts outdoors might sneak in there next. If it stops there for the day, great. Or, you may be up for that long-standing foundation of structured cardio, resistance training, or sprint workouts.
Reference the Primal Blueprint Fitness Pyramid recommending 2-5 hours per week of cardio at aerobic heart rates (180 minus age in beats per minute or below), two strength sessions per week lasting 10-30 minutes emphasizing functional, full-body movements, and one sprint workout every 7-10 days featuring all-out efforts lasting between 10-20 seconds with full rest between. These are simply guidelines. Life happens, and microworkouts are there to fill the gap.
Mark’s August 2019 post on microworkouts attracted a ton of feedback from readers. Clearly, this concept is taking hold in the fitness scene and is poised to become a major stand-alone element of a well-balanced program. Devoted MDA reader, Primal Health Coach, and 50+ athletic wonder Stephen Rader wrote a nice article with photos here. Rader mentions that microworkouts are great for skill acquisition because they don’t wear you out and can be performed frequently. He also pointed out that the Blue Zone research is touting the concept as a winning longevity component. Here’s a helpful podcast/video from Matt Schifferle at the Red Delta Project on the subject. He makes an excellent point that frequency and consistency are fitness essentials, and it can often be difficult to achieve those with a formal workout routine.
Matt makes the clever comparison that a microworkout is like chillin’ at home and watching Netflix, or watching a quick video on your mobile device, versus a proper evening out at the movie theaters. A theater experience is still fantastic (as is a full-length workout at the gym), but it’s not always practical, and it’s often less appealing than a micro-entertainment experience at home.
Thanks to forward thinking fitness leaders like Angelo dela Cruz, Laird Hamilton and Gabby Reece, Joel Jamieson, Brian MacKenzie, Dr. Craig Marker, and Dr. Kelly Starrett, we have things like mobility/flexibility training, recovery-based workouts, cold exposure and heat exposure, breath work, and High Intensity Repeat Training adding variety into our fitness plans.
How to do Quick and Effective at Home Workouts (With Video)
The possibilities for microworkouts are infinite! All you need is some creativity and a way to put your body under some form of resistance load. The most important success factor for microworkouts is to adopt the proper mindset and commitment to the project. This is the difficult part, because we have been socialized to view workouts as a big production, requiring significant time, energy, and logistics. The truth is, home workouts can be just as effective.
This all-or-nothing mindset can make you resistant to hauling off a single set of deep squats during a busy workday, because you might think, “what’s the point?” It’s important to embrace the idea that engaging in any and all manner of physical movement throughout the day is essential to your general health, particularly for fat burning and cognitive performance. Recall that sitting for as little as 15 minutes can deliver a significant decline in glucose tolerance and increase in insulin resistance. Simply standing up at work increases caloric expenditure by 10 percent. Talking a leisurely 15-minute walk after a meal lowers the insulin response by half. Walking every day is directly correlated with a boost in brain function.
Little things make a big difference. When some of your movement breaks include brief, explosive microworkout efforts, you enjoy not only the general benefits of movement, but also achieve a significant fitness benefit over time. If you start doing a single set of pull-ups here, a single set of deadlifts there, two years from now you will have hundreds of thousands of pounds and thousands of reps in the bank.
Here are four microworkouts that I do at home, including three that I have set up right in my home office.
Microworkout 1: Air Squat
youtube
Microworkout 2: Pull-ups, or Chin-ups
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Microworkout 3: Stretch Cord Circuit
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Microworkout 4: Hexbar Deadlift
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Let’s take a three-step approach to excelling in microworkouts:
Commitment: I know your fitness to-do list is already long, not to mention your overall life to-do list. However, adding microworkouts into the mix is arguably the easiest way to boost your fitness. You don’t have to schedule time on your busy calendar, nor line up child care to escape for an hour to the gym. You simply have to acknowledge the importance of movement, and the incredible cumulative benefit of brief, explosive bursts, and make a sincere commitment to a microworkout program.
Environment: It’s essential to set yourself up for success with cues, triggers, implements, and apparatuses that make microworkouts compelling and impossible to ignore. The videos accompanying this piece offer some clever suggestions to help you get into the groove. Making a minimal investment in some Stretch Cordz gives you a ton of options to work different muscle groups. Ditto for installing a pull-up bar, a TRX kit, or having a kettlebell nearby. Beyond actual equipment, there are other environmental cues you can associate with microworkouts. For example, if you mount your pullup bar in your closet door, entering the closet is call for a set of pullups. Ditto for my hex bar located on the route to the garbage barrel. Put your microworkout triggers in plain sight, begging you to engage. If the example is doing a set of deep squats at your work desk, write a sticky note or use an app to generate a reminder every two hours. Alas, dialing in your environment will not automatically lead to success unless you integrate the next objective…
Incentives, Rewards, and Benchmarks: Establish some minimum standards to accomplish each day, such as one set of deep squats, one set of Stretch Cordz, and one additional effort choosing from pull-ups or kettlebells. Enter it into your calendar or display a simple sticky note. Don’t break for lunch or leave the office for the evening until you have completed your bare minimum objectives. When I finish a thoughtful email, hang up a lengthy phone call, or reach a natural breaking point in my writing, I’ll reward myself with a cognitive break in the form of a microworkout. If you can enroll a partner in your microworkout journey, this is the best source of inspiration and accountability. Perhaps you can meet in the building stairwell for a quick sprint up two flights of stairs at least once a day, or more by invitation. If you enjoy relaxing in the evening with digital entertainment, establish a rule that you’ll do at least one set of something during each episode of your binge-watch. There are many more ideas of this nature to consider, but it really helps to put some structure into the picture and take it seriously. Seriously, don’t leave the office, ever, until you do at least one set of deep squats every day.
Hopefully the videos will create some inspiration and momentum for your at home workouts. Let me know how microworkouts are going for you, and perhaps share some of your clever ideas for environment, incentives, rewards and benchmarks with the community. Good luck!
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How Toni Collette Survived 'Hereditary,' the Year's Most Terrifying Horror Movie (Exclusive)
"I remember when I first started coming to L.A.," Toni Collette says as she relaxes into a sunny spot near the window on an otherwise overcast afternoon. "The woman, Jeanie Drynan, who played my mum in Muriel's Wedding, I would stay with her and she would watch Entertainment Tonight, and it was just like, Wow! I'm really just down from the Hollywood sign!"
Muriel's Wedding, the 1995 Aussie comedy in which Collette stars as the titular lovelorn oddball, launched the actress stateside with a Golden Globe nomination for Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical. A few years later, M. Night Shyamalan cast her in his horror film, The Sixth Sense.
Collette starred as Lynn Sear, single mother to a dead people-seeing 9-year-old son, Cole (Haley Joel Osment). "Night had made one other feature, but Sixth Sense really was, it felt like, his first big foray into feature films," she remembers. The twisty thriller earned six Oscar nominations in 2000, with a Best Support Actress nod for Collette. (She lost to Angelina Jolie for Girl, Interrupted.)
"I know people used to campaign, even at that point, but honestly, there was nothing, nothing," Collette thinks back during a sit down with ET in a suite at the Four Seasons. Dressed in a pinstriped shirtdress, her wavy blonde hair parted down the middle, she breaks into a toothy grin as she recalls producer Scott Rudin phoning her "so early" in the morning to share the news. She was 25 years old and, Collette says, "there was no utterance about the idea of me ever being considered for something like that."
"I mean, I grew up in Sydney watching the Oscars, and this whole world just seemed so far away," she says. "When you work on a film that gets that kind of attention, you just really feel happy for everyone. Because they're long hours, people spend so much time away from their families and [give] so much to it that you just feel like, man, somebody actually f*cking saw it and got into it, you know?"
Nearly two decades after Sixth Sense, Collette, who's 45, is returning to the horror well with Hereditary, one of two films starring the actress that will be released on June 8. ("I don't think I've ever had two films come out on the same day, let alone two completely polar opposite films!" she exclaims of Hereditary and Hearts Beat Loud, a feel-good indie opposite Nick Offerman.)
Collette wasn't searching for something like Hereditary, but she is a believer that projects choose her. And this was no exception. "I know that it did because I was very emphatic about not wanting to do anything heavy," she explains. "Yet, when I read it I was like, uhh..." Her eyes turn to saucer pans and she breaks into a laugh. "'I have no choice!'"
"I was sitting in my bed in my rented apartment with the window open," she recalls of reading the script for the first time, while filming the comedy of manners, Madame, in Paris. "It was boiling hot in the middle of summer and there was loads of traffic outside, and I remember when I started reading, I was like--" Collette dramatically grumbles profanities under her breathe. "'It's so noisy.' And by the end, I couldn't hear a thing, I was so absorbed in the story. I called my agent and swore at him, because he sent me something knowing that it would do this to me!"
Photo by Nicholas Hunt/Getty Images
Hereditary writer-director Ari Aster, in crafting his own fiendish horror film, looked to classics from the '60s and '70s, including Roman Polanski's Rosemary's Baby and Nicolas Roeg's Don't Look Now, as well as Japanese horror movies and family dramas. "I knew that I wanted to make a film that served as a serious inquiry intro grief and trauma," he tells me. "And then have that curdle into something else." Collette plays Annie Graham, an artist specializing in miniatures who inherits unholy hell following the death of her estranged mother.
"It's revelatory," Collette exclaims, leaning in closer. "But not in the way that you usually associate it with. It's not a positive change in one's life. It's a sudden awareness of everything hideous -- complete betrayal, a waste of one's own life, really, [that] everything's been orchestrated and manipulated -- and there is no hope. She's trapped. I found that--" She laughs and sits back. "I'm a pretty positive person, generally. And the fact that it is lit-er-ally hopeless, I found that really overwhelming."
Discussing much else of what befalls Annie, husband Steve (Gabriel Byrne), teenage son Peter (Alex Wolff) and habitually tongue-clicking daughter Charlie (Milly Shapiro) would risk spoiling Hereditary's secrets. Suffice it to say, the family is put through the wringer, grappling with grief, trauma and, eventually, something supernatural. The whole time, Annie is white knuckling it to stay in control -- until she isn't. One dinner scene, teased in the trailers, requires not simply an outburst, but a rageful eruption in which Collette remains at a 12 for an entire monologue.
"The thing is, the whole f*cking thing felt big to me," the actress says of movie's grueling shoot in Utah. "Everybody else was walking around [on] eggshells when it came to shooting a couple of particular scenes, but I swear to god, there was not one easy scene in this film. I knew it was going to be heavy, but there just was no let up."
As for how she managed to get into the state of mind to shoot the movie's most intense sequences -- while maintaining her sanity -- she says, "It was a case of not thinking about it too much and almost pushing it away until I had to just jump in and then jump back out again." And when she was in it, she says, she let whatever happened happen. "That is actually the most freeing, great day at work for me, when I'm out of control, when I'm not completely aware of what I'm doing. I've quit berating myself and rerunning the scenes f*cking months after shooting them. It is a way to hell." She shrugs good-naturedly. "I mean, I still do it to a certain extent. Like, after the fact, Ugh, I should have done this! Or, I should have done that! But you can't take away from the validity of a moment that feels real."
It's a realization that amplified seeing her young co-stars work on Hereditary. "I was watching Alex. He's much younger than me, and he was sometimes turning himself inside out, which was..." She chuckles. "Amusing, actually. I just think I've been doing it a while now."
"Our great actors, our movie stars, have something that's sort of intangible. You can't quite put your finger on what it is about them that is so great," the director Brett Haley tells me between puffs from a vape on the Four Seasons balcony. "She certainly has that intangible quality of just, like, greatness, where you just go, Man! What the f*ck?! She's really earned her stripes, and she can do anything. Go watch Hereditary and then watch our movie [Hearts Beat Loud] and tell me Toni Collette can't do anything!"
Hereditary premiered earlier this year at the Sundance Film Festival, where it was hailed as "a new generation's The Exorcist" and "the most traumatically terrifying horror movie in ages." Collette in particular was lauded for her superlative performance, instantly prompting speculation that A24 will campaign Academy voters to consider her come next year's Oscars. When I ask for her reaction, Collette purses her coral lips -- "Uhmm." -- then laughs. "I guess it's the same thing, you know?"
"You put so much into it, for it to be recognized in a broader sense is nothing but flattering," she says. "The experience of making a film is very selfish. My experience at work is what I will take away. But you always hope that there's going to be an audience out there that gets it -- and there really does seem to be for this film." Collette leans in again, her eyes lighting up. "There's this certain palpable energy around it. It's very exciting."
RELATED CONTENT:
Summer Film Preview: 27 of the Most Anticipated Movies of the Season!
The Business of Being Nick Offerman in a Post-Ron Swanson World (Exclusive)
Toni Collette Chases Her Maid Through Paris in Madcap 'Madame' Clip (Exclusive)
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Top 10 Video Game Sidekicks
Modern day gaming is a much more collaborative experience, geared towards often fast-paced, multiplayer or co-operative gameplay, whether you like it or not the days of the story mode is in it’s twilight with many of the bigger developers now opting to either forego the traditional single player experience or incorporating it into an overall online mode (see Destiny, Titanfall, Star Wars Battlefront) and while gamers have pushed back, there is no doubting that the further into the future we get, the more integrated we are.
But for many years, there have been characters who were designed to help you on your path and simulate that collaborative experience, some of which became beloved heroes of the gaming community and some, well, not so much (I personally still have nightmares about Natalya from Goldeneye and her casual stroll through a hail of AK-47 gunfire)
This article is dedicated to the characters that made the game a better experience, whether it be for gameplay or purely for the story, they live on with the legacy of each game on the list.
Dogmeat (Fallout)
The idea that dog is man’s best friend always seems to have been prevalent in everyday life but never has it been more important than in the post-apocalyptic world of Fallout.
Dogmeat would do anything to protect you, he would attack anyone or anything at anytime, he sniffs out valuable items that aid your survival in this unforgiving world, he will follow a scent for miles and he is your only remaining family, if that’s not enough to earn this dog a place on this list, then you obviously aren’t a dog person.
Cortana (Halo)
Cortana is the first blockbuster sidekick on this list that was introduced to the world in the incredibly successful Halo.
The supercomputer would assist you by hacking rogue alien systems, providing tactical assistance and decoding transmissions essential to your mission and gives Master Chief his only human link (ironic) in the entire game.
To put into perspective how successful this sidekick would become, she now resides on tens of millions of PC’s around the world as a virtual assistant that helps operate the Windows system, if that’s not a sign that you’ve been important, I don’t know what is.
Otacon (Metal Gear Solid)
‘’Snake, you of course know the saying ‘one for all, all for one’. It’s from ‘The Three Musketeers’ - the book, not the candy bar’’
In one of the most intense gaming series of all time, often with cut-scenes that were obscenely longer and more detailed than anything that had come before it or since, Otacon brought a lighter tone to the world of Metal Gear Solid.
With his often ill-timed explanations of totally random subjects (see pre-ripped jeans, daylight savings, Chinese proverbs) he became a cult favorite amongst hardcore MGS players, the fact that he used to help Snake through various missions with his codec updates is only an added bonus that gets him on this list.
Weighted Companion Cube (Portal)
‘‘It’s just an object..it doesn’t even do anything’’ said absolutely no one who has ever played Portal. This little cube was pretty much your only ally in the entire game, starting out as just a lump that you would use to hit switches or complete a puzzle it eventually became a friend (yes, I said a friend) and as the game presented more challenging obstacles it became invaluable.
Then came the incinerator, I struggle to think of anything else in pop culture that felt as crushing a blow for the loss of something that was not even alive in the first place (maybe Wilson from Castaway)
Godspeed trusted companion cube, we will meet again.
Yoshi (Super Mario World)
Step aside Luigi, because Yoshi is the one true sidekick to Mario.
First introduced in 1990, Yoshi first came about simply as a mode of transportation for the famous brothers but soon became very useful on their adventures. You could ride him (which was cool as hell anyway) you could sacrifice him to get over obstacles or just throw him away when he wasn’t needed, he would help you take care of those pesky enemies and I defy you to name any other sidekick that pooped out power-up’s at the rate he did.
He’s stuck with the series over the years and has even managed to get a few game’s of his own (Yoshi’s Island, Yoshi’s Story, Yoshi’s Wooly World to name a few) which is something that only one other character on this list has managed to accomplish, impressive.
Claptrap (Borderlands II)
Let's be honest, usually when you have a sidekick whose main purpose is to provide comic relief it falls flat on its face, but in the world of Borderlands, it is exactly what you expect and what you need.
Despite the fact he raised an army and tried to kill you at the end of Borderlands, by the time you come across him in Borderlands II all is forgiven after a few minutes, mainly acting as a guide through the wastelands of Pandora, the game quite literally would not have been the same without him. Not just satisfied to be the life and soul of the party, Claptrap will also open doors for you and help you open those magical loot chests that you lust after.
Leonardo Da Vinci (Assassins Creed 2)
Assassins Creed 2 was an excellent game, ranking as either many gamers favorite of the franchise or most important, it overhauled the game mechanics from the original which had been hailed as a storytelling master stroke, but showcased cumbersome climbing and fighting physics that often made the game feel like a chore, it’s hard to put into words just how much this installment lit a fire under the series that has since become a juggernaut, reaching as far as Hollywood.
Among the riveting missions, the outlandish, often villainous supporting characters and mysterious storyline set in the various visually stunning cities of Italy, you had the chance to meet the one and only Leonardo Da Vinci.
At first you’re excited about how he fits into the narrative of the story but when you realize that he’s building you item’s that the game hasn’t presented to you before, the real fun starts. First, there was the hidden blade, he then introduced you to some new fighting techniques, which in a game like Assassins Creed is very important to keep things fresh, along with the ability to poison enemies (honestly, is there anything more satisfying than poisoning just one guard in a group and seeing him go crazy? no) but this all lead up to arguably the best mission of the game in sequence 8...WHERE YOU FLY OVER THE ROOFTOPS OF VENICE IN A GIANT DAMN WOODEN BIRD!
Tails (Sonic Series)
There may be no more important entry into this list than Tails. In 1992 when the beloved character was first introduced, gaming culture was still in its relative infancy on the mass market and was about to take a big upward swing over the next few years and Sonic The Hedgehog would play a major role in its development.
Sonic would become one of the most popular games on the Sega mega drive and its marquee title, with its addictive side scrolling action and it’s fast-paced boss fights, it was in the rarefied atmosphere only shared by Super Mario Bros at the absolute crux of the gaming community, but where Mario had his trusty Luigi, Tails would be a more useful sidekick to Sonic, his power of flight would occasionally be invaluable for successfully completing a level and without him, there would be no biplane to take down Dr. Eggman’s wing fortress.
I’m sure anyone reading this article who had a younger sibling and had to share a mega drive would also agree, Tails is the best!
Ellie (Last Of Us)
Although being a playable character later on in the game and spawning a spin off (Left Behind) there could have been no list without the incomparable Ellie from The Last Of Us.
This is widely regarded now as the greatest video game of all time and the character of Ellie provides a huge reason for this, as you navigate the post-apocalyptic world following an outbreak that ravages the United States, you lose your family and your hope for a new humanity until you are introduced to Ellie, the 14-year old girl who could potentially hold the fate of humanity inside her.
A connection with any character in a video game this intense is incredibly rare as she becomes increasingly important, not just to the story but to you as the player and explains the mixed emotions at the end when Joel would essentially rather see the human race die then have Ellie taken away from him, totally fair in my books.
Elizabeth (Bioshock Infinite)
The best AI sidekick of all time? I would say so.
Bioshock has always been an immersive story-driven experience, through the underwater steampunk world of Rapture featured in the first 2 installments, gamer’s were presented an extremely dark, often terrifying experience as we learned to deal with the psychopathic enemies that lurked in the shadows, by the time Bioshock:Infinite was released, we were ready to ascend to the clouds of Columbia.
Often times, ’escort’ missions in video games are incredibly tedious so if I were to tell you that Infinite is basically one, long escort mission, many would simply not bother playing it but Elizabeth proves to be the most helpful and one of the most interesting sidekicks in video game history.
She keeps herself out of the way of danger, she tosses you supplies and ammunition when it’s needed most, she can find money and open locked doors and if you played the game on the hardest difficulty like me, she is absolutely necessary.
I can still say to this day that the feeling of accomplishment I had upon completing Infinite is unparalleled and Elizabeth is the very definition of what a video game sidekick should be.
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Netflix's Canceled Shows: The Definitive Guide
http://styleveryday.com/2017/07/07/netflixs-canceled-shows-the-definitive-guide-2/
Netflix's Canceled Shows: The Definitive Guide
Ever since Netflix started debuting original series in 2012, the streaming giant has been adding shows at an increasingly rapid rate. The platform has also been renewing the vast majority of them — until now, that is.
The streamer is finally starting to look a bit more like a traditional TV network by implementing a model that keeps the most successful shows and does away with some of the the less fortunate contenders. Within the span of a month, the streamer pulled the plug on Baz Luhrmann’s pricey hip-hop drama The Get Down, The Wachowski’s globe-spanning sci-fi series Sense8 and Nasty Gal founder Sophia Amoruso’s semi-biographical comedy Girlboss.
Surprising many in the industry, the cancelations came amid remarks made by Netflix CEO Reed Hastings in a CNBC interview at the Code Conference in Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif. speaking about the company’s track record. “Our hit ratio is way too high right now,” he said. “I’m always pushing the content team, ‘We have to take more risk, you have to try more crazy things,’ because we should have a higher cancel rate overall.”
A month later at the Produced By conference held on the Fox lot in June, the company’s chief content officer Ted Sarandos also addressed the topic. “Relative to what you spent, are people watching it?” he said in a conversation with Jerry Seinfeld, whose show Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee is moving from Crackle to Netflix next season. “A big, expensive show for a huge audience is great. A big, expensive show for a tiny audience is hard, even in our model, to make that work very long.”
Below, The Hollywood Reporter looks at the small handful of Netflix shows that have received the ax and examines why they didn’t make the cut.
Hemlock Grove
Hemlock Grove may not have been Netflix’s first original series, but it was the first to be canceled. In 2014, the company announced that it had renewed Eli Roth’s supernatural drama for a third and final season. The final 10 episodes of the series, which is based on a Brian McGreevy novel of the same name, premiered in 2015. “We are so grateful to the fans of Hemlock Grove who have championed the series so intensely over two seasons. We are looking forward to taking the last and final season into some dark and unexpected places, and to giving viewers the killer finale you’d come to expect from Hemlock Grove,” Roth said in a statement when the cancelation news broke. Mere months before Hemlock Grove‘s cancelation, Netflix’s original content vice president Cindy Holland broached the topic in a rare interview with THR. “They can’t all last forever!” she said when asked about the company’s cancelation strategy, adding, “If the creative team decides they don’t want to go on, that’s one factor. And if the investment required outweighs the subscribers and the viewing hours we predict for the series, that would be another.”
Lilyhammer
The Norwegian drama marked Netflix’s first foray into original programming when it debuted in 2012. But after three seasons following the exploits of former gangster Frank “The Fixer” Tagliano (Steven Van Zandt) as he makes a new life under Norway’s federal witness protection program, the streamer opted not to move forward with the series. The decision was brought on by entangled ownership rights and escalating costs. “It’s become a very economically challenged deal because there’s a partnership with the Norwegian broadcaster,” Sarandos told THR at the time. “It was very difficult to maintain the level of global exclusivity and control that we hope to with our shows with that show.” Star Van Zandt, for his part, noted his frustration with the show’s cancelation on twitter, writing, “#Lilyhammer RIP. Not my decision. Let’s just say for now the business got too complicated.”
The Killing
A year after Netflix announced it would revive Fox’s cult comedy Arrested Development (which, by the way, is set to return for a fifth season on the platform in 2018), the streamer revealed it was doing the same with AMC’s mystery thriller The Killing. Based on a popular Danish TV series, Veena Sud’s drama starring Mireille Enos and Joel Kinnaman was canceled not once but twice by the cable network before Netflix picked it up for a six-episode fourth season. “The rich, serialized storytelling in The Killing thrives on Netflix. We are looking forward to offering fans — both existing and new — a series that we know is perfectly suited for on-demand viewing,” said Holland at the time. The short run served as the wrap-up for The Killing as Netflix did not order any additional seasons of the drama.
Marco Polo
Though it’s hard to know for certain without any reliable viewer metrics, Netflix’s big-swing historical drama appeared to be a massive misstep for the digital service. With a reported $90 million budget for the first 10-episodes alone, sources told THR at the time of the show’s cancelation in December 2016 that the two seasons Netflix ordered of Marco Polo marked a $200 million loss for the streaming giant. The Weinstein Co. series starring Lorenzo Richelmy debuted to little buzz and dismal reviews, with THR‘s own chief TV critic Tim Goodman describing it “a middling mess, complete with random accents, slow story and kung fu.” However, Sarandos claimed in a THR roundtable discussion with other TV executives months prior that Marco Polo was a global success for the company. “Marco Polo is one of those shows for us [where viewership doesn’t matter to international audiences],” he said. “It’s hugely popular all throughout Asia and Europe. There’s a lot of focus on if your neighbors might be watching it, and it’s really irrelevant because it’s doing what it’s supposed to do.” Its cancelation following a quietly launched second season made it the first Netflix original scripted series to not make it to three seasons.
Longmire
A&E raised eyebrows when it decided to cancel the Western drama after just three seasons. It was, after all, the cable network’s most-watched original scripted series — however, contemporary crime thriller’s fan base skewed old and was doing little to boost the coveted, advertiser-friendly 18-49 demo that the channel needed it to for revenue purposes. But since advertising is a foreign concept to Netflix given its subscription-based model, the streaming giant quickly swooped in to save the show in an effort to lure a new (and older) crowd to its service. “When Warner Horizon Television came to us with the idea for a new season of Longmire, we were intrigued because the series is so unique, and consistently great,” Holland said of the pickup. “We are thrilled to help continue Walt Longmire’s story for his large and passionate following.” Netflix announced in November that the drama would conclude with its sixth and final season later this year after three additional seasons on the streamer.
Bloodline
Despite series creators and executive producers Todd A. Kessler, Daniel Zelman and Glenn Kessler being open about having a five- or six-season plan for the family drama starring Kyle Chandler, Bloodline came to an end earlier this year after only three seasons. In an in-depth story on the inner workings of the streaming giant, THR exclusively revealed that Netflix had notified producers at Sony Pictures Television sometime after the show’s July 2016 renewal that the third season of the series would be its final outing on the platform. The streamer also cut the episode order from 13 episodes to 10 and slashed licensing fees on the show, though both parties deny any tension between them. Even prior to the renewal, a third season of Bloodline had been uncertain due to the demise of Florida’s entertainment tax incentives program, which made the Keys-set drama more costly to produce. “There were ideas that we thought we might do in a third season leading into a fourth season and beyond,” Kessler told THR at the time. “But it’s storytelling, so working with amazing actors and great collaborators and directors, we had to figure out how to shake it out and say, ‘OK, here are all of the moments that we want to hit’ and give each character as great a story as possible that will hopefully create emotional resonance and be entertaining.”
The Get Down
Ever since the project was first announced in February 2015, the musical drama from acclaimed film director Baz Luhrmann was plagued with rumors of a chaotic behind-the-scenes process. On top of multiple production delays, the series faced financial problems. With a reported overall budget of $120 million, The Get Down was quite possibly the most expensive television series, though Luhrmann refuted the claim when pressed on the matter by THR. “I heard The Crown was the most expensive show ever made,” he said at the time, pointing to another Netflix series. Still, Lurhmann’s ambitious vision wasn’t enough to keep the show alive. The streamer waited until the second half of the first season debuted on the platform — both parts received middling reviews — to make the final call. In a lengthy letter to fans posted on his Facebook page, Luhrmann suggested that the fact that he was unable to continue on the series full-time moving forward was the reason for the cancelation. “When I was asked to come to the center of The Get Down to help realize it, I had to defer a film directing commitment for at least two years. This exclusivity has understandably become a sticking point for Netflix and Sony, who have been tremendous partners and supporters of the show. It kills me that I can’t split myself into two and make myself available to both productions,” he wrote, adding, “But the simple truth is, I make movies.”
Sense8
A week after Netflix canceled The Get Down, the streaming platform pulled the plug on the sci-fi drama from Lana and Lilly Wachowski and J. Michael Straczynski. “After 23 episodes, 16 cities and 13 countries, the story of the Sense8 cluster is coming to an end,” Holland said of the drama, which centered on eight strangers around the globe who find themselves interconnected. “It is everything we and the fans dreamed it would be: bold, emotional, stunning, kickass and outright unforgettable.” But following outcry from fans that included a petition to bring back the series, Netflix announced that Sense8 would return with a two-hour finale episode next year. “After seeing that the cancelation was a total cluster, we decided to give Sense8 fans the ending they totally deserve,” said a Netflix spokesperson. Co-creator Lana Wachowski unveiled the news in a emotional letter in which she admitted to falling into a “fairly serious” depression after the show was abruptly axed. “The outpouring of love and grief that came in the wake of the news that Sense8 would not be continuing was so intense that I often found myself unable to open my own email,” she wrote. “While it is often true that these decisions are irreversible, it is not always true.”
Girlboss
Girlboss didn’t last long after debuting to dismal reviews. Netflix quickly opted to not move forward with a second season of the Britt Robertson-led comedy that’s loosely based on Nasty Gal founder Sophia Amoruso’s life. The 13-episode series — which followed a rebellious anarchist who turns herself into a business woman by up-selling vintage clothes online — was written and executive produced by Pitch Perfect’s Kay Cannon and counted Charlize Theron among its executive producers. Amoruso shared the news herself in a rather candid Instagram post. “So that Netflix series about my life got canceled,” she wrote. “While I’m proud of the work we did, I’m looking forward to controlling my narrative from here on out. It was a good show, and I was privileged to work with incredible talent, but living my life as a caricature was hard even if only for two months. Yes, I can be difficult. No, I’m not a dick. No, someone named Shane never cheated on me. It will be nice to someday tell the story of what’s happened in the last few years. People read the headline, not the correction, I’ve learned.” Since Will Arnett’s sadcom Flaked somehow managed to score a second season despite being critically panned, Girlboss marks the first comedy to get cut by the platform.
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