When I speak my truth and say that the worst season of riverdale is season 1 what then

No one would actually miss me if I were gone. I keep avoiding things as self harm and suicide but it is everywhere and I normally don’t get triggered or anything BUT I JUST WANT ONE DAY WHERE I DOMT THINK THAT killing myself would be the best and only option. It is tho. No more pain. But what pain I don’t even have pain. I just want to die for no reason. I am so pathetic, people are depressed for better reasons and here comes the whiny crybaby that wants to die because what? You don’t like school. I should die because I deserve it. I have no value. I don’t do anything. I just want to lie down and feel nothing and also everything. Everything kinda feels numb. Nothing really excites me. Yea the drama I create. Having crushes and almost revealing it. But we all know that is all fake. A weird coping mechanism just to feel something. Tv shows aren’t enough anymore so you play around and pretend you like someone. Eventually your body imitates the signs of love. Heart beat increase, body feels warm. Weird stomach feels. I have to be honest. I can do that on commando. If that is love. Then I can choose who I love. So is that being no or Pan? Shouldn’t this come of as natural. I don’t know. I am so tired. I can’t think straight. I am just so bored out of my mind. Maybe something exciting happens if I have tinder. Who knows. I meet a psycho person. Or someone who genuinely likes me. Scratch the last one, I don’t care tbh. I just want someone to cuddle and watch shows with and sometimes fuck. And if you are going to say that is a relationship then don’t get one because a relationship is more than that. It’s honestly a pain. I can give life a year probably. If next year is still sucky then I prolly gonna write some Shit down for my funeral.

I definitely want to have holier songs, because he is amazing. Everyone has to go classic black or white. My bestie of je still is my bestie can think of a few songs that would fit me. I believe in him. In a year or so we probably don’t talk anymore. My attitude keeps changing.

I hope watching shows where everyone is depressed or so doesn’t you know make it worse. I do remember watching a show where like every episode was a trigger and after that I was fucked up. No idea what show. Probably forgot it.

I keep getting weird image thoughts. It’s bloody and gore. I hate it. Things I wanna do to me. But I don’t wanna. I hate pain. The idea that //tw Selfharm// a sharp blade goes into my skin and rips it open so badly that I can just put my fingers into it and fuck it more up. Nah I’m good. Or the thoughts where I grab a mega knife and keep stabbing me everywhere. I hate my legs. I hate my arms. I hate everything that is called my body. I am ugly. I know that. I want to draw things on my skin but it’s gonna hurt. I’m sensitive.

So sensitive. In every way. I cry easily. I overthink everything. But if you punched me then it probably hurt so badly. Every time someone hits me. I want to cry. Maybe emotional cry or just physically cry. You know. I deserve to get punched. I hope I get murdered by a gunshot into my head. I should Go into drugs. They always have guns and funny business. Bruh where do you find them drugs. I also could overdose.