FinFin has been thinking thoughts [Audio recommended]

Happy new year! 🎉💖 I hope you're all doing well and that you had a lovely time over the winter holidays!

It's been quite a while since I was last on here, almost four months I think! The past few months have been quite a journey and also transformative for me in many ways. This post is an update on what has been going on with me lately and my plans for the future (warning: it may get dark at times but it's all okay in the end).

Back in August when I came home from my trip abroad I had family visiting, which was a mixture of emotions, and I ended up hitting my head really hard while they were over, leading to me getting a mild concussion. Although I feel like the word ‘mild’ doesn't accurately convey the pain that comes with such a concussion. 😂 During this time I was trying to pretend like everything was okay, when inside I was slowly losing my mind and life was becoming very overwhelming. After my last post in September, things got really bad for me, both with my physical and mental health.

From September onwards I had to face my medical phobia as I could no longer avoid going to the doctors. I was constantly fatigued, along with a range of other symptoms, and I suddenly developed a very weird rash which resembled meningitis and gave me quite the scare. Long story short, after many tests and a lot of stress, they were not able to determine what had caused the rash but at least it's nothing to be concerned about! I did, however, discover that I have a condition called hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, which is the most likely cause of all the pain and fatigue I experience. Now that I know this, I can better manage my days and have a better understanding of how my body works, so I’ve been kinder to myself lately.

I won't go into too much detail about all my mental health struggles at this time, since this post is already getting quite long! I have struggled with intrusive thoughts and ‘voices’ in my head since I was a child, which tell me very negative things about myself and my life. It was only in the past months that I have been able to realise with the help of my therapist that these thoughts are not true and not something I need to listen to or take on board when it comes to my life choices. I have been able to actually do things I enjoy again and I am hoping to keep up this momentum during 2024! There are still a lot of other things I am working on and that I currently struggle with, including managing my eating disorder, flashbacks, and PMDD (or potentially PME with the new research that is coming out). However, I am finally at a point where I feel confident in the direction my life is heading and I have more confidence in myself. When things get bad, I tend to isolate myself (one of the unhealthy habits I am working on changing). I struggle to share my feelings with others and hate feeling like a burden, so I pull away from everyone. When I first created my social media accounts, my goal was to use them to help me express myself and have a safe space to share my thoughts and feelings. I really want to put more effort into socialising this year and to isolate less. It's okay to ask for help and it's okay to rely on others when I need it, as I would help them when they do. 💖

During all this I also had a friend move in to my house, which means I have a lot less privacy. That combined with the health scare I had meant I had to put ABDL and kinky stuff on hold for a while. I was also really struggling to get into littlespace and had a lot of confusing thoughts regarding kink in general and what I really wanted. I think I only wore diapers about twice over the months as I just couldn't get into the right headspace. I am happy to say that I am definitely feeling more little lately and I am excited to start wearing nappies again! 🤭

To end on a positive note, I want to share some good things that have happened over the past months. I have found a sport I really enjoy and have been consistently exercising now for the past month or so! I’m super proud of myself as this has been a goal of mine for years! And my daddy and I had our one year anniversary in December and spent Christmas together. 🥰

Thank you to everyone who sent me messages while I was away! Even if I haven't replied yet, know that I appreciate you checking up on me so much and I will try to get back to everyone this weekend! 😊💖 And thank you to all of you who continue to support me and care about me, it truly means a lot. I know I haven't been the most reliable in terms of content creation and I want to get better at that this year, as creating content is one of my favourite things to do and I have had so much fun with it in the past!

I hope 2024 is a great year for us all! Stay safe ily 💖

Soft Sunday: pancakes

*im craving pancakes and I will makes some, cause it’s cold and rainy here*

Atsumu: So he wasn’t a professional cook but he CAN cook. Even learned how to make those fluffy soufflés pancakes JUST for you. Especially after he got all those kisses and a happy face from you. Besides he looks just as good as twin in apron.

Hajime: He like most of his athletic clients are mindful of the amount of carbs they consume. Except when it comes to your request for buttery fluffy pancakes he is officially taking a cheat meal. He adds fruit to get SOME nutrimental value. Still it doesn’t quite compare to your giddy smile when he wakes you up with a plate full of pancakes. Also nice to see flexing biceps so early in the morning.

Mattsun/Osamu: look they will make your pancakes but they are shirtless with bed head and all. You just sit at the counter attempting to cut the fruit up while you watch. Oh and the pancakes look good too😂.

Kuroo: says there is science to fluffy crispy edge pancakes. You don’t argue with his logic cause his pancakes turn out perfect every time, taste wise. Plus he has the kids involved in the mixing process. He gets to enjoy his family and kisses from you every time he cooks up his famous pancakes. Yes he makes shapes out of the pancakes for his kids. Attempts too.

Tobio: takes him awhile to get it. The man is so serious about the timing to flipping the pancakes. He so determined to impress you after you showed him how to make pancakes. He is awarded for his efforts. You get stack full of delicious pancakes and gets a bunch of kisses from you. Sure y’all will have to replace the pan BUT you got pancakes and handsome chef out of the deal

Tendo: You gonna get crepes filled with sweet and savory things. It’s the French way. He can make your regular pancakes. He does go over the top with it. Powder sugar, whip cream, fruit and drizzle of chocolate. Which is fine with you cause you are a CHOCOLATE gremlin. You love chocolate. You got just the right handsome person to indulge you. Delicious pancakes AND eye candy. Oui!

* I will probably be on a Tendo kick cause I been cooking out my French cookbooks lately😁*

I will not complain about Tendo headcanons. I love hearing people's ideas and opinions about him. He's such an interesting and underrated character (in my opinion).

Soft Sunday: Pancakes! (With: Atsumu, Iwa, Osamu, Mattsun, Kuroo, Kageyama, Tendo)

I feel like Atsumu would pretend that he can't cook just because he doesn't actually want to. For you though, he's pulling out all the aces up his sleeve. He has a proud grin on his face as he reveals the perfectly made pancakes to you! He will put in a little extra work and make breakfast if it means impressing you!

Sundays tend to be a cheat day for Iwa. He can't help but cave to the pressure when you ask him so sweetly for pancakes 'just this once' with your sleepy morning voice, and adorable tousled hair. He tells himself that he'll just do an extra work out at some point to make up the difference, and he can hardly even bring himself to feel bad after seeing how happy you look with your yummy plate of pancakes.

Mattun's pancakes aren't anything special but it doesn't matter when he looks so mouthwatering while making them. He's still half asleep as he tosses ingredients into the bowl and mixes them up, but there's still an knowing smirk on his face as he feels the heat of your stare on his bare back and shoulders. He definitely makes teasing comments like "you sure you're hungry for pancakes, love?"

Osamu takes his cooking seriously in the morning, of course, but it's also the perfect time to tease you and rile you up. He knows what he's doing as his muscles flex as he chops, mixes and flips the pancakes. He'll make sure the breakfast comes out perfectly, but what he's actually looking forward to is dragging you back to bed for some warm cuddles once both of your bellies are happy and full.

Why can I picture Kuroo turning a pancake breakfast into a whole science project. He has every bowl in the kitchen out, using food coloring to have different colors of batter. He starts quizzing kids on the atomic number of different elements and tries to create electron cloud models with the different colored pancakes. There are so many dishes to do once everything is said and done, but it's actually a really wholesome bonding moment for Kuroo and his kids.

I can totally picture the scowl and look of concentration on Kageyama's face as he tries to follow the recipe and directions you wrote down perfectly. It's not even that complicated but he is so determined to get it right. When you peek in at him to check is progress, you can't help but playfully point out that if he stared at the page much harder smoke would start coming out of his ears. The look of relief and handsome smile on his face after he's done though makes your heart skip!

Tendo does not mess around when it comes to breakfast. He knows all the right combinations of flavors to to have you humming in delight with each bite of his creation. Not only does he get the perfect blend of sweet and fruity, the presentation is also immaculate. He will have all your friends jealous and wishing they could have such masterfully crafted crepes on their lazy Sunday mornings.

May I humbley ask for Kid!Bean AU headcannons? It interests me and I would like to hear more about it! Say yes or I’ll throw a Vavok idea at you

I LOST EVERYTHING I WROTE INITIALLY NOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭

Okay, fuck it, I'm mad at Tumblr now, so you're getting the abridged version. *Flips a table*

TL;DR: Bean's been bumped down to Charmy/Cream/Marine's age group in this AU. Bark found him abandoned as a baby and adopted him. Fang's the drunk, irresponsible uncle. Bean got separated from Bark and Fang during a robot fight once, and was found by Tangle and Jewel. They worked hard to reunite Bean with his dad and uncle. Instant sparks between Bark and Jewel, which everyone including Bean notices, and he bullies the two into a relationship by pretty much adopting Jewel as his mom on the spot. 😂😂😂

So, you're caught up now, here's the headcanons:

-This was a suggestion from someone else (I've sadly forgotten who. 😭 If you guys remember who, please remind me!), But Bean has a teddy bear Fang's convinced is possessed. If it gets destroyed or lost, it'll turn back up a couple hours later unscathed. No one else thinks this is a big deal, but the thing creeps Fang the fuck out.

-Jewel is pretty much the only person Bark trusts 100% to watch Bean. Fang and Tangle let him get up to chaotic shit he shouldn't and Whisper will let him shoot her Wispon if he behaves himself, which also makes Bark quite nervous. The only time he will relax 100% with Bean out of his sight is when he's in Jewel's care.

-For being thrust into the 'Mom' role completely out of nowhere, Jewel takes it in stride. She's always got a room prepared for Bean in case he needs to stay the night at her place, and she reassures Bark constantly that she can watch him anytime a sitter's needed. Once she and Bark actually get together, she insists he and Bean should move in with her, saying a stable home life in a safe small town would be better for the kid than being on the move constantly.

-Fang pretends he's totally not invested in the BugBear romance, but guess who pulled Jewel aside to make sure she heard the (definitely embellished lol) sob story of how Bark found baby Bean abandoned in the snow of cold and harsh North Island? He DOES find Bean's blunt matchmaking attempts absolutely hilarious though, and usually doesn't do much more than just kick back with a drink and watch the awkwardness that ensues.

-This is less of a headcanon, and more of a fun fact: This AU is the debut of Patience the BugBear. After a few years of officially being together, Bark and Jewel start bouncing around the idea of having a second kid. They keep putting it off though out of fear they'd make Bean feel like he's being replaced or that he'd fear they'd love their biological child more than him (neither being true, of course, they both love Bean to pieces!). Once they do work up the courage to run the idea by Bean to see how he reacts, he just hears that he'd get to be a big brother and has NO OTHER THOUGHTS EVER. 😂 But anyway, Patience debuted here, and we all just loved her so much she spread to... *checks notes* ...All of my other AUs except the movie verse one. 😂😂😂 (And she's NOT going in the movie verse AU, guys! I'm not interested in exploring that AU to the point where next gen would start popping up... Although Grandma Brenda is a hilarious idea... No one tempt me, I've already tried and failed to ban Bark and Whisper from my movie verse AU. 😭😭😭)

-Bean gets playdates with Charmy (HEAVILY SUPERVISED) and Cream (not AS supervised, but still VERY supervised). They also get roped into the matchmaking scheme, and focus on their efforts on getting Jewel to crack.

-Marine and Bean have not met yet. Bark and Jewel want to keep it that way, from what they've heard about the raccoon. (No, they don't hate Marine, they just clearly see how that combo can go badly.)

-I believe it was @stillafanofsonic who headed the idea that kid!Bean is an absolute TYRANT to Shadow. He drives the poor guy into fits of rage constantly. Rouge and Omega miss all the torture and mind games, and are convinced Bean's the sweetest baby boy ever, infuriating Shadow further. Sadly, Shadow and Fang COULD join forces on the possessed teddy bear front... If Fang didn't get into 'prove your the alpha dog' moods and pick fights with Shadow constantly. 🙄😂 (Which is a constant in ALL my AUs. Fang takes Shadow being the 'Ultimate Lifeform' as a personal challenge, and will try to pick fights with him. This usually ends with someone, usually Bark, having to scrape Fang's stupid carcass off the pavement.)

-This is the only AU where we have an explanation for Bean's "enjoyment" of Hallmark movies. Rouge got him hooked on them to fuck with poor Bark and Jewel. It's unclear if she did this because she wants to see them get together or if it's just to watch the world burn. 😈

-kid!Bean is 1000% this kind of energy always:

This is immediately followed by Bark and Jewel jumping in to coddle the little guy and check him for injuries. (Meanwhile Fang's floating around in the background going "Guys, he's fine! He'd be screaming if he wasn't." 😂) They're both a little helicoptery (Bark's worse than Jewel, but she's also pretty bad), but it's fine. 😂

Okay, that still got long even with it being the abridged version because SOMEONE (Tumblr) DELETED THE ORIGINAL VERSION!

Now hit me with a Vavok idea anyway. 😂😈