The death of peace of mind
~ a Kim Taehyung fanfiction
Drabble/one shot set in the very far FUTURE
Warnings: cursing, jealousy, infidelity (just the accusation), misunderstanding, fighting (verbal), angsty? but with a happy ending, of course!
I'm terribly late but life has been so hectic so yeah…😅 happy new year!
There is a saying that people who resemble each other will always gather. As such, if you want to be smart, you hang out with smart people, for example.
___ is not that sure how much this is supposed to apply to her and Taehyung’s relationship. After being childhood friends, both with failed relationships in the background and a whole other level of mess and drama between them, finally being together was surely relieving.
The thing about dating your bestfriend is that the trust is already here. As a consequence, the insecurities are not resurfacing as much, the confidence is definetly higher, not to even mention the comfort and coziness already being here. You know each other already pretty much and are merely exploring even more parts of the other.
Things are simpler, especially when you know for most part each other’s group of friends, the important people, even if you don’t necessarily interact. You’ve heard of them or have seen them once or twice. Even more simple when jealousy is a strange feeling you haven’t experienced it beforehand. The absolute trust already being here definitely helps in this domain too.
Just already knowing each other, what you like and dislike, already having a functioning system and being used to the other are big bonuses. Conversations carried much easier, the way eyes speak to each other, hidden gestures you already know how to decodify.
So why was Taehyung’s amazing, beautiful, stubborn girlfriend and best friend ignoring him and basically giving him the cold shoulder for the past three days?
At first, he thought it was just a momentum of being overwhelmed or needing alone time. She tends to have those days when nobody on this planet could reach her and they better not even try. Those days of recharging mostly alone with music or simply reading a book.
Then, the second day followed and naturally, he started thinking if something was wrong. Maybe he forgot something, even if it wasn’t that probable as he was the better one with dates between the two of them. Did she have an activity he forgot to be there for? No, that was two weeks ago. Any big projects she was stressing over? No, her last one was last week. Her birthday passed and everything was fine, they gone out with friends, kissed under the stars and everything it should be. Maybe one of her friends was in a not so good place and she was supporting them. Busy with being there for said friend. After all, Isia could be very dramatic in her crisis problems with Jimin, which she still swears she isn’t in a relationship with, even as everyone knows they’re exclusive.
When the third day rolled around and she was driven home by one of her classmates, he was already done trying to find an explanation and decided to talk it out, to discover what happened, simply missing his girlfriend and the way they would cuddle and her soft lips he wanted so much to kiss.
Lucky or not, she was in the kitchen, in her cute dress that reached her knees and had Christmas themed drawings on it, the birthday gift he got her. Which he took as a good sign, his heart calming a bit. It must mean she truly was busy and everything was okay.
So he wrapped his arms around her, letting his chin on her shoulder as she was peeling an apple on the counter.
“Need help with that?” he mumbled, just wanting to soak her warmth and presence back into his arms.
“No, I can do it myself”
Cold. Her tone was cold, her words punctuated. So things were not good.
“Baby?” the word came out soft, questioning. As he got no reaction from her, he tried again, the tip of his nose gently nuzzling her cheek. “Babyyy~”, he tried again, a bit of a whine coming out, being rewarded with a mere huff. “C’mon, baby, look at me”
With his fingers grasping tenderly at hers, he twirled her, her eyes now meeting his, a frown making lines appear between her eyebrows. Definitely not what he expected, but one of the best things about dating your bestfriend is knowing already she won’t be able to keep her mouth shut if bugged a bit. She’ll spill what’s on her mind and he knows really well she’s incapable of keeping her mouth shut once she starts. Not the type to be able to avoid the talk much either and their gazes meeting surely lead to whatever the reason behind her huffy behavior being exposed.
“No ‘baby’” it was just the start, but it was clear whatever had managed to get on her nerves was truly upsetting.
“Why not?” a pout blossomed onto his lips. After all, she usually loved the little nicknames he gave her.
Apparently, it wasn’t the right thing to say.
“Why not?” her eyebrow arched in disbelief and in this moment, confusion entirely took over his features.
What on Earth happened?
“For starters, Kim Taehyung”, shit, his whole name, that wasn’t ever a good thing. The way her pointer finger slightly nudged his chest was underlying that even more. “Care to explain who was in your car three days ago?”
In his car? What is that even about? Was she referring to Jimin? To Isia? Three days ago he literally drove Minhee, his little sister, to school.
“___, dear, I truly don’t know what you’re referring to”
He was honest about it. Yet, his honest response seemed to not satisfy his weirdly acting girlfriend and childhood friend. The way she acted was, in the very first place, unlike her. She wasn’t the one much for questioning, not like they had to question each other considering how they both had the tendency to just say whatever they felt like, which many times includes stories of what they did during that day or during the week if the time-pressured them so much that none of them had the time or felt like talking about it.
Judging by the way her pretty eyes darkened, the tiny sparkles he loved so much now gone, something he did truly upset her. As if disappointment was under all of that sudden anger, as if something was so terribly wrong her heart ached and broke.
Something he cannot even find.
With another huff, she came closer, arms crossing at her chest, and involuntary, he remembered the way she had at some point told him that very position told of a closed of body, of protection, of not letting anything from outside get in, intrude.
Her courses had somehow made their way into his mind too.
Otherwise, he would have taken the closeness with hope, with the need to wrap his arms around her tiny body compared to his, to finally feel her sweet lips again after such a long time – three days without the taste of her lips had been living hell. Yet, those very words she had told him and learned from University echoed in his mind as if to warn him.
She was cornering him without any physical corner or restriction, in all honesty.
Not like he would have expected otherwise. If he is to be honest, he liked it, just the same way he found it annoying many times. They didn’t have arguments often, well, not anymore since they finally resolved all of the mess between them, but they were never pretty, that is for sure. Neither of them knew when to stop, after all, and while they received it differently, responded differently, they were also terribly similar. At the end of the day, both ended hurt and nothing was solved, in all honesty, so arguments were merely matching scream fights that hurt like a bitch.
Taehyung didn’t intend on stepping back. He wasn’t trying to respond either, rather refusing to move, trying to analyze his girlfriend, maybe somehow he’ll discover the problem. Will know at least what to approach.
“I found you with her in bed…well, it was a car, but Kim Taehyung, you’re done!” the small, pretty, idiot of a girlfriend he’d gladly spend all of his life with punctuated each word harshly.
Inevitably, his eyebrows raised in surprise, then furrowed, lips smacking each other, then his tongue clicking. What the hell was she talking about? He’d never cheat on her, she, out of everyone, should know that the best. Not as his girlfriend, but as his literal childhood friend, someone who knows him better than probably even his own mother knows him!
He truly wanted to say something. Wanted to defend himself, to tell her how much of a goddamn idiot she is for thinking even for just one moment of such a thing. Yet, instead, he crossed his own arms at his chest, chin lifting a bit, instead of the warm and quite obvious bend down caused by their height difference, his eyes sharpening too.
Annoyed. He felt it going through every single muscle in his body, forcing him to tense, to straighten his back, pull back his shoulders.
How could she be so ridiculous?
“With your pretty little car in the goddamn parking lot of the University” she continues, and if it was anyone else but her, he’d surely have snapped until now.
After all, who enjoyed being accused of something they know very well they didn’t?
Somehow, the description did arise a memory within him. Three days ago, in the parking lot of the University, in his car. Oh!
The recognizing glint in his eyes made her hiss, as if both in pain and thinking of ways she could strangle him, like a snake.
He tried to open his mouth, explain the situation, now finally understanding what exactly was happening and from where she came. Of course, she just had to beat him to it.
“You’re gonna excuse yourself and fall in the trap, huh? Of fucking course. Typical male behavior”
Ouch. This one hurt. So bad it made him flinch. After all, it was one hell of an insult coming from her.
“My car is literally full of your things, ____” he tried to reason with her slowly, even as his heart was crumbled up like a mere piece of paper. “Your backpack is on the passenger chair. Your lipstick is under the arm rest. Your perfume is in the space of the door”
Her things were literally everywhere in his car. Even the light he’s connected through USB is purple, their color. It holds one of the ripped bracelets made by, guess who? Her!
“Her obviously knowing is not giving you any excuse. You are my boyfriend. I have expectations from you, not some strange girl—”
“I was literally teaching her how to drive!” he couldn’t help but throw his hands in the air, frustrated, voice raising in volume.
“’Teaching her how to drive’, huh?” she mocked him and for a moment he could swear he felt his eye twitching and one of his veins protruding. “’Hey, how’s with the gearshift? You know how to pull it'?!” her voice raised too.
Okay, maybe he fucked up. Because just now did he realize how bad that looks, freezing up.
“Your fuckin hand was over hers!” it wasn’t often that he felt like he lost a fight. Not many he saw her point so clearly.
Now he did. He’d be angry too.
“My things in your goddamn car, huh? Yet, it didn’t stop any of you when she bended down! It sure as hell didn’t remind you you have a goddamn girlfriend!”
Not the way it happened, but it had, probably, looked very questionable.
In the middle of all that storm, somehow, his heart started tingling because of a new discovery that had somehow given him a bit too much pleasure.
“You’re jealous” he couldn’t help but let the words out. That was something he didn’t expect.
It was so brusque, the changing, that even she stopped for a moment, stunned.
“From everything, this is what you focus on?!”
“You’re jealous, ____” he couldn’t help but sing song, somehow feeling so warm over it.
She’s never been jealous before. It was something he even thought of being impossible. Something she herself has said she’s incapable of feeling.
“Baby~” he bended a bit, just to be a little closer to her, barely capable of surpressing his grin.
“Go back to your goddamn—”
Luckily, he cupped her face before she could continue, making her stop. Or, well, move her attention from the colorful language she was about to use on a girl with no fault.
“Would you listen to me, little gremlin?” he pressed her cheeks together, making her sweet lips pop out more, her expression so adorable he truly couldn’t even be mad at her.
Her eyebrows furrowed, but surprisingly or not, she did remain silent. It was so obvious she was biting her tongue, but he could work with that.
“She’s a classmate. Her name is Seungha. I was truly just teaching her how to drive. She bended down because your lipstick fell and she was curious. I guess it quite looked like shit but I would never do that. So stop questioning my loyalty out of everything for you, you little shit” one of his long fingers snapped over her forehead. Delicately, of course.
Don’t listen to her dramatic hiss.
“I’m not forgiving you” she clicked her tongue.
Which made Taehyung arch one of his eyebrows. It was an misunderstanding, why was she being difficult over it? He truly did nothing!
“If it was me in your place, you would feel just as shitty, Mr. ‘Don’t wear someone else’s jacket’. Which, by the way, is way less fuckin incriminating, asshole”
Right under the belt. He forgot how cruel she can be in arguments. Forgot how she’ll somehow know exactly what to say in order to make him lose his smile.
Slap
He jumped and looked at her, scandalized, as she just slapped his ass. She just—
“Say whatever you want, but we both know I was rightfully mad. Not jealous. Continue dreaming on”
She lied. She was jealous. Of course she was. But would she ever admit it and let him have the goddamn satisfaction of it? Nope.
And as any happy ending and ridiculous couple fighting, just a few minutes later they were already cuddling on the bed, his body squishing hers down and lips already dancing together.
How could one resist their very soul in another body?
@pamzn @parkdatjimin 🥰🥰🥰
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Magickal Month- October 2019
Magickal Month- October 2019
Welcome to October, now affectionately known as WHY IS IT STILL SO HOT?? Also known as the month of Halloween. I’m drinking my Pumpkin Cream Nitro Cold Brew from Starbucks in leiu of a typical Pumpkin Spice Latte because it’s still in the mid 90s here in Georgia. Anyone who still thinks that global warming is a myth is clearly an idiot.
OK, rant aside, October is named after the Latin word for eight as it was originally the 8th month of the year, before January and February were added. It’s still really hot here, but the leaves are starting to act like they might want to change color some day. We’ve had a drought for the past month or so, so it might be that they’re just drying out and dying off. The wildlife has changed a bit, however. We’re seeing a lot of cardinals coming back for the Winter, and the geese are coming back here and there. I haven’t seen a lot of snakes or toads lately, though I did see a huge anole yesterday on the shed.
I think we did mow our lawn for the last time this season, however, as it’s browning nicely now. Sweet!
Birthstones: Opal and tourmaline
Lunations:
October 13- Full Moon in Aries, 5:07pm EDT
October 27- New Moon in Scorpio, 11:38pm EDT
Astronomy:
October 3- Pluto goes direct
October 3- Capricornids meteor shower begins
October 6- Camelopardalids meteor shower begins
October 9- Draconids meteor shower begins
October 22- Orionids meteor shower begins
October 31- Mercury goes retrograde
Celtic Tree Month:
Ivy (Sept 30- October 27): End of the harvest, looking back at our successes and losses, strengthening our resolve to face the future, taking the long-term view, fidelity and fertility, protection, healing, good luck for women and brides, guards against negativity and disaster, reaches around and through obstacles to find light and nourishment, reaching out, expansion.
Reed (October 28- November 24): Introverting, withdrawing, connecting with the past and with spirit, ancestors, messages from the spirit world, culling that which doesn’t serve us, dreaming- but not planning. Seeking basic truth, finding direction, giving meaning and purpose to your journey, skill and direction, secret strength and secret motivations, seeing beneath the surface.
Holidays (non-Pagan):
October 4: Feast of St Francis of Assisi (Christian)
October 7: Dussehra (Hindu)
October 9: Leif Erikson Day
October 9: Yom Kippur (Jewish)
October 14: First Day of Sukkot (Jewish)
October 14: Indigenous People’s Day (fka Columbus Day)
October 20: Last Day of Sukkot (Jewish)
October 21: Shmini Atzeret (Jewish)
October 22: Simchat Torah (Jewish)
October 27: Diwali (Hindu)
Holidays (Pagan):
October 1: Feast of the Charities (Greek)
October 2: Feast of Aphrodite (Greek)
October 4: Proerosia- feast offering fruits of the season to Demeter (Greek)
October 9-12: Thesmophoria- Greek festival honoring the transformation of Kore to Persephone as she goes back to the underworld with Hades.
October 14-28: Icelandic Old Winter Nights Feast honoring The Gods and ancestors.
October 17-20: Apatura- Greek festival welcoming babies and newcomers into the community
October 26: Khalkeia- honoring Athena and Hephestos and their gifts of craftsmanship
October 27: Festival of Hekate
October 28: Maimakterion Noumenia- Greek festival honoring all the gods and goddesses
October 28- November 3: Isia- Romano Egyptian festival honoring the murder, mourning, search for, and reassembly of Osiris by Isis.
October 31: Greek festival honoring Aphrodite and Eros
October 31: SAMHAIN!/Celtic New Year/Hallowmass/Feast of Ceridwen/last harvest
Themes for the month: Halloween, contacting the ancestors, going within, being ‘witchy’, the last harvest, apples, corn mazes, pumpkin spice, enjoying the longer nights and the more internal focus if you happen to be introverted like me.
General activities for the month: Parties, visiting haunts, Pagan Pride Days around the country, making cider or apple butter, scrying and other forms of divination, ritual work, shadow work, reconnecting with our deities, preparing for NaNoWriMo if you’re a writer nerd like me.
Herbs I’m using: Mugwort. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what herbs I really respond to and which I have a special relationship with, and mugwort tops that list every time. I’m trying to work with it more, in various forms like dried, essential oil, and as incense or tea. Also, spices that you would use in making apple butter, like cloves and cinnamon. Anything warm and spicy really brings the season home for me.
Stones I’m using: Rutilated quartz- helps with pathworking and finding clarity. Petrified wood- grounding and stabilizing. Keeps me from getting too stuck in my head and ignoring everything around me. Fire agate- keeps me ‘fired up’ and motivated while I try to finish some projects and continue others.
Goddess of the Month: I’ve changed the way I choose my Goddess of the Month. I’m going to start drawing a card from Collette Baron Reid’s Goddess Power Oracle, which my sister gave me a few weeks ago. And this month’s Goddess is…. drumroll…. Skuld (the future). She calls us to look to the future, but not to ignore the present and the seeds that we’re planting right now. We create our future every single day with the choices we make, and we can’t ignore the present in pursuit of the future we’re hoping from.
October 2019 reading
3 card reading:
First, we start with The Hermit reversed. So this is usually a good time to go within and start doing the inner work we need to do to prepare for Winter, but not this year. This year, we’re going to continue to be outwardly focused. This is a different October from most, in that there’s still a lot of warm weather ahead, and there’s still a lot of the work of Summer to do, even well into Autumn. There may be a delay in the final harvest.
Next, we see The Empress. So while the harvest is delayed, it’s going to be amazing. There’s so much fertility and lushness in this harvest that it will be worth the wait.
Finally, we have the Ten of Imps reversed. In the upright position, this is the card that shows that we’ve just had enough. We’re exhausted and done. But with it reversed, we’re getting a second wind. So even though everything is delayed this month, we have the energy to handle it. We can make it through to the end!
Our special guidance card is Summon. This card is telling us that it’s time to gather our magick and connect with our spirituality. This is a great time for meditation, ritual, and anything that makes us feel ‘connected’. So while this isn’t a time to slow down on our more external goals and projects, it’s still a great time to carve out quiet time to realign with our spiritual life.
Gathering Leaves
By Robert Frost
Spades take up leaves
No better than spoons,
And bags full of leaves
Are light as balloons.
I make a great noise
Of rustling all day
Like rabbit and deer
Running away.
But the mountains I raise
Elude my embrace,
Flowing over my arms
And into my face.
I may load and unload
Again and again
Till I fill the whole shed,
And what have I then?
Next to nothing for weight,
And since they grew duller
From contact with earth,
Next to nothing for color.
Next to nothing for use,
But a crop is a crop,
And who’s to say where
The harvest shall stop?
My personal tides: I’m about to publish a book on journaling with tarot, and I’m really excited. It’s the not the first book I’ve written, but it’s the first that I’ve stuck with this far. I even have a cover. :-) I’m also going to spend October working with poppet magick, and I’ve bought the supplies to make a poppet for myself and for husbear. I’m looking foward to this new mode of magick. As always, communing with the ancestors and with Hecate are biggies for this time of year.
My personal goals: Continue leveling up my tarot reading (and my tarot earnings), publish my book, start my new book, finish my D10 divination system. Honestly, this is a big month for me, and I’m not quite ready to slow down for the Autumn.
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