#inserting myself in any place now doesnt work because I Literally cant picture it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

filthytabloid · 4 years

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TG: i really

TG: dont want to be alone?

TG: i dont have any friends karkat

CG: DAVE.

CG: I AM YOUR FRIEND.

TG: hes all i have

CG: THAT’S NOT EVEN REMOTELY A TRUE THING.

TG: it is

CG: I MEAN I MIGHT NOT COUNT BECAUSE I’M MORTAL.

CG: SO IF YOU’RE GOING SUPER CATASTROPHIZING BIG PICTURE THEN YEAH I’M NOT GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER.

CG: BUT ROSE AND JADE EXIST, DUDE.

CG: THEY ARE ALSO FUNCTIONALLY IMMORTAL.

TG: they dont talk to me any more

TG: ive invited them over a few times

TG: john gets like

TG: jealous

CG: JOHN GETS JEALOUS.

CG: OF YOU TALKING TO ROSE AND JADE.

TG: he

TG: kind of has meltdowns whenever i pay attention to anyone thats not him

TG: but he cant help it

TG: i mean i can understand being insecure im trying to be sympathetic

CG: WHAT HAPPENS DURING THE MELTDOWNS?

TG: he just gets really cold and angry at me

TG: doesnt talk to me

TG: id prefer he talk to me

TG: so i dont talk to anyone else so hell keep talking to me

CG: DOES HE HAVE OTHER FRIENDS? PEOPLE HE TALKS TO OUTSIDE THE RELATIONSHIP?

TG: yeah

TG: mostly other versions of me

TG: which feels great by the way i love it when he does that

TG: i guess im a jealous asshole too

CG: OK, LISTEN.

CG: IF I SAY SOMETHING WILL YOU PROMISE NOT TO FLIP OUT.

TG: can i remain perched on the handle even if i dont pirouette

CG: YEAH, THAT WORKS.

CG: ALRIGHT HERE’S THE THING.

CG: TAKE A DEEP BREATH:

CG: JOHN HAS ISSUES.

TG: no fuckin duh

TG: dont we all

CG: UH, NO.

CG: NOT THE KIND OF ISSUES YOU ARE DESCRIBING, NO.

TG: obviously we cant all have the same issues

TG: but we all do have issues

CG: GETTING COLD AND ANGRY DOESN’T SOUND LIKE A MELTDOWN AT ALL IT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING THAT IS VERY EASILY CONTROLLED.

TG: ok maybe i am the one having meltdowns

CG: WHEN HE’S UPSET BECAUSE YOU TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE DOES HE ACT COLD AND ANGRY TOWARD EVERYONE HE TALKS TO?

CG: OR JUST YOU?

TG: just me

CG: OKAY, SEE, THEN IT’S SOMETHING HE CAN HELP.

CG: IF IT WAS TOTALLY OUT OF HIS CONTROL THEN IT WOULDN’T BE DIRECTED AT A SPECIFIC PERSON.

TG: what if its out of his control because its our relationship though

TG: its kinda different from everything else isnt it??

TG: so

CG: I KIND OF FEEL LIKE YOU’RE REACHING.

CG: THERE ARE WAYS FOR HIM TO LET YOU KNOW HE’S UPSET WITHOUT BEING A FROTHING DOUCHENOZZLE.

CG: SEE: TALKING ABOUT THINGS.

CG: I MEAN EVEN IF HE TALKED TO YOU ABOUT IT I’D STILL SAY HE HAS ISSUES BECAUSE BEING THAT FANATICALLY JEALOUS IS KIND OF. UH.

CG: BUT AT LEAST IT’S BETTER THAN BEING PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE!

TG: we do kind of talk about it

TG: and like when we talk about it we seem to reach amicable agreements about what needs to be better

CG: SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS AGREE NEEDS TO BE BETTER?

TG: uh

TG: great this is gonna sound shit

TG: that i just need to remember he loves me and that as long as hes here im not alone

CG: …

TG: a lot of agreements about mental actions i need to be taking but not really any other actionable items

CG: OK I NEED TO SAY ANOTHER THING THAT MIGHT FREAK YOU OUT.

TG: im kneading my temples

TG: what

CG: REST ASSURED I’M ALSO KNEADING MY TEMPLES.

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE HE’S ABUSING YOU.

TG: oh fgudjfg

TG: no

TG: no he isnt

CG: DAVE

CG: BREATHE

CG: OK?

TG: no

CG: I COULD BE WRONG, I AM JUST GIVING YOU THE IMPRESSION I HAVE RIGHT NOW.

TG: thats not even remotely whats happening here you cant say that

TG: yeah

CG: OKAY.

TG: you dont know what were like

TG: he leaves me really sweet notes

TG: he buys me flowers

TG: he tells me nice things

CG: I AM STILL ABSOLUTELY NOT CONTESTING THAT YOU GUYS LOVE EACH OTHER.

CG: OKAY?

TG: ok

CG: I’M JUST SAYING THAT A LOT OF THIS IS REALLY WORRYING.

CG: AND I GET THAT IT’S HARD TO SEE THAT IT’S WORRYING OR WHY IT’S WORRYING SINCE YOU’RE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT RIGHT NOW.

CG: SO I’M JUST TELLING YOU WHAT I’M SEEING. AND YOU’RE RIGHT THAT I AM NOT IN THE ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP, SO MY IMPRESSION OF IT *MIGHT* BE SKEWED.

CG: PLEASE DON’T SHUT DOWN ON ME.

TG: ok i

TG: i wont

TG: im still present

TG: what if this is the best i deserve though

CG: IT’S NOT.

TG: it is

TG: i should be happy i even get this

TG: i should be happy to be alive

CG: THAT’S RATIONALIZING.

TG: i think im really just ungrateful

CG: I AM PRETTY SURE THAT’S NOT THE PROBLEM.

TG: look maybe i do deserve this in all honesty maybe taking care of john even as he trains for the self-destruction olympics is how i can prove my worth to this world

TG: whos going to do it if not me??

TG: its not abusive if i can choose to leave at any time

CG: DRAGS MY HANDS DOWN MY FACE

CG: THAT’S ALSO NOT EVEN A TRUE THING

CG: AND BESIDES IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU CAN’T CHOOSE TO LEAVE!

CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE CUT OFF FROM ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS!

CG: AND COMMUNICATION WITH ANYONE WHO ISN’T HIM!

CG: YOU’RE COMPLETELY DEPENDENT ON HIM FOR COMFORT AND SAFETY AND SANITY SO OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT GOING TO CONSIDER LEAVING AN OPTION.

TG: ok um fuck

TG: lets not zoom out so much

CG: ZOOM OUT.

TG: theres nothing i can do about

TG: well

TG: i just

TG: i want to make this work can we please just focus on how i can make this livable

CG: YOU NEED TO TELL JOHN THAT YOU’RE UNHAPPY AND WHY YOU’RE UNHAPPY.

CG: AND IF YOU FEEL UNSAFE DOING THAT THEN YOU NEED TO DO IT WITH A MEDIATOR THERE.

CG: AND YOU NEED TO FIND OUT IF HE’S WILLING TO LET GO OF HIS HANGUPS AND CHANGE OR NOT.

TG: i cant

TG: you just have to give me some jedi mindtricks to play on myself so im not as affected when things dont go my way ok

CG: IT SOUNDS LIKE ALL THE RELATIONSHIP TALKS YOU’VE BEEN HAVING HAVE BEEN ABOUT *HIS* ISSUES WITH *YOU*

CG: AND IT’S WELL AND GOOD THAT HE FEELS COMFORTABLE EXPLAINING THE THINGS THAT MAKE HIM UNCOMFORTABLE

CG: BUT THAT HAS TO BE A TWO WAY STREET.

CG: BOTH PARTIES NEED TO BE WILLING TO COMPROMISE.

TG: i cant

TG: i cant do that

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: LET ME GIVE THIS TO YOU STRAIGHT.

CG: THIS DYNAMIC CANNOT CONTINUE AS IT IS.

CG: THE RELATIONSHIP EITHER NEEDS TO END OR JOHN NEEDS TO BE WILLING TO FIX HIS END OF THINGS.

TG: karkat i cant tell him that i am unhappy

CG: DAVE.

TG: i have in the past

CG: THERE IS NO COMBINATION OF WORDS YOU CAN TELL YOURSELF THAT’S GOING TO RATIONALIZE ALL OF THIS SO HARD THAT IT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

CG: YOU CAN KEEP LYING TO YOURSELF AND IT’S GOING TO KEEP MAKING YOU FEEL FUCKING MISERABLE.

CG: BECAUSE YOU’RE GOING TO WONDER WHAT YOU’RE DOING WRONG WHEN YOU’RE PUTTING SO MUCH INTO THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU STILL FEEL SO SHITTY ABOUT IT.

CG: AND HIS BEHAVIOR IS STILL GOING TO HURT YOU BECAUSE HE’S NOT TREATING YOU FAIRLY.

CG: AND THE ONLY WAY YOU’RE GOING TO RATIONALIZE HIS BEHAVIOR IS IF YOU KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT YOU DESERVE IT.

CG: AND THAT’S GOING TO MAKE YOU CONTINUE FEELING LIKE A GARBAGE DUMP.

CG: SOMETHING NEEDS TO CHANGE. YOU’VE CLEARLY TRIED RATIONALIZING ALREADY AND IT’S NOT WORKING OUT.

TG: karkat i cant talk to him about it and i need you to not make what im about to say a big deal because its not

TG: i have tried to talk to him about it before and he socked me in the face and

TG: told me i was

TG: i guess it doesnt matter

TG: but as long as i dont bring it up he wont hit me i need a solution that doesnt involve talking about how unhappy i am

CG: YOU NEED TO GET OUT.

TG: no

CG: NO DAVE I’M DEAD FUCKING SERIOUS.

TG: hes the only thing in this shitty world that makes me happy

CG: COME STAY WITH ME FOR A BIT.

TG: i cant

TG: he might need me

CG: OF COURSE YOU CAN. I HAVE SPACE.

TG: no karkat please listen to me

TG: i cant leave because hes the only person in the whole world that makes me feel okay

CG: DAVE

CG: YOU DON’T HAVE TO LEAVE FOREVER.

TG: i dont want him to hate me hes my boyfriend

CG: OR CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

CG: JUST COME STAY WITH ME FOR A WEEK OR TWO.

CG: GET SOME SPACE TO BREATHE FOR A BIT.

TG: i dont want to be a burden on you

CG: YOU WON’T BE.

TG: how on earth could i not be

CG: YOU’RE GOOD COMPANY AND SLIGHTLY LOWER MAINTENANCE THAN A CAT.

TG: i dont know how to tell john id be staying with you

TG: he might break up with me if i do

CG: I CAN TELL HIM IF YOU WANT.

TG: …

TG: ok

CG: OKAY.

CG: I’LL GET THE COUCH PULLED OUT SO YOU HAVE A PLACE TO SLEEP.

TG: fuck

TG: karkat i cant hes really mentally ill

TG: i have to be there for him

CG: YOU WILL HAVE YOUR PHONE.

CG: IF THERE’S AN EMERGENCY HE’LL BE ABLE TO CONTACT YOU.

CG: AND IF YOU NEED TO GO HOME I WILL COME WITH YOU.

CG: I’M INSERTING MYSELF AS THE MEDIATOR. THAT JUST HAPPENED.

TG: no no no oh god that is literally the exact definition of a burden

TG: i dont want to be that

CG: LITERALLY NOT BURDENING ME.

TG: im sorry for bothering you i gotta go ttyl

CG: IF IT WAS A PROBLEM I WOULDN’T DO IT.

CG: DAVE

CG: DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE GET BACK HERE

CG: WHAT YOU’RE FAILING TO REMEMBER IS HOW MUCH I LOVE MEDDLING IN PEOPLE’S RELATIONSHIPS GOD DAMMIT YOU ASSHOLE YOU DIDN’T BOTHER ME AT ALL I SWEAR TO GOD

TG: you promise

TG: that this isnt some massive inconvenience to you and you dont hate me

CG: I SWEAR ON TROLL WILL SMITH.

CG: I DON’T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER THIS ABOUT ME OR NOT, BUT I’M PRETTY FORWARD ABOUT HATING PEOPLE.

TG: hate me in a platonic despising way not a you wanna bang me way

CG: I DON’T HATE YOU IN EITHER A PLATONIC OR A ROMANTIC WAY.

CG: YOU WOULD KNOW IF I DID.

TG: ok

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terminallycheesecake · 7 years

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65 Questions You Aren't Used To

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

I do honestly #dissociation is anyone real

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2? I’m pretty good at getting myself to not freak out with logic, or if all else fails, a good protection charm.

3. The person you would never want to meet?

4. What is your favorite word?

simultaneously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

mmmm I’m not sure,, a willow tree?

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

oh god i picked at the skin on my nose last night and now i have a big red scab there its so noticeable

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a black tanktop that says “EVERYTHING HURTS AND IM DYING”

8. What do you label yourself as?

A transdude, a witchling, a homestuck, a furry, gay, pan, fickin, brother, idk akdlsjf

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room, but some bright rooms can be good too?

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

honestly I think I fell asleep before then, which is kind of unusual.

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

Probably now tbh? 17

12. Who told you they loved you last?

My amazing bf we tell each other this legit every time we open up the same chat i mean.

13. Your worst enemy?

I dont think I really have one? maybe like “my inner critic” or something edgy like that.

14. What is your current desktop picture?

this venty art thing that actually is really aesthetic that my moirail made.

15. Do you like someone?

my moirail, my bf, my friends, all the cats in the world, etc

16. The last song you listened to?

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

my dad lmao. but when he isn’t home like ew the mess.

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

my dad.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do?

my brother has to fucking clean the fucking toilet ok he pisses fucking everywhere guys.

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

fuck idk. alot of people say they really admire my jawline? but i never have thought of it as anything special lskdjf. I think my eyes maybe?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

taking this as in genitalia lmao if i had a dick for a day. idfk omg

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

im. idk i can type faster than the average person? fuckifiknow

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

eyes. like. in the dark, just seeing a pair of eyes.

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

a pizza. but shaped like a sandwhich.

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

add it to the collection of money in my wallet that im too afraid to spend until i find the perfect shit online.

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

Canada. Right to my bf’s doorstep, so I can fuckin see him ok. @skelepunny

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

I’ll find out what is most popular and sell it off to people.

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

Only lgbt++++++++++ no cishets allowed.

29. What is your favorite expletive?

i want to say fuck just because i say it most, but thats boring so like.

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

onee thing can that like qualify as ONE trashbag filled with all of my favorite posessions?

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

can i erase my dad from my entire memory

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world!

canada. to my bf. this is all.

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

idk can i give that choice to someone who needs it more? I didnt really know anyone well who’s died in my family.

34. What was your last dream about?

I met andrew hussie and gave him a whistle, he called me a filthy kankri fan and that kankri was his least favorite character.

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]?

This question doesnt work because I am not good at anything.

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

No.

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

yes

38. What is the color of your socks?

literally theyre basically all solid black

39. What type of music do you like?

mm alternative- hipstery sort of music

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

i dont like milkshakes? theyre too thicc

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

Arkansas Razorbacks, since basically ur fuckin born into supporting a team

43. Do you have any scars?

lots and lots

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

A concept artist? I mean I want to persue animation but its just not as big of a desire to me as being like a character designer and concept artist.

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

can i just be able to pass as male pl e a s e

46. Are you reliable?

mm im not sure. I mean most of the time yes, but man you never know when those depressive episodes hit and you cant do fuckin anything

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

are u living w/tav r u happy pls tell me im scare

48. Do you hold grudges?

nah not really. I’m a pretty laid back dude?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

a cat-ferret like a fucking noodle cat thats cute as fuck and idk man

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

every conversation with my moirail

51. Are you a good liar?

to my parents yes, but i cant lie to my friends id feel too guilty.

52. How long could you go without talking?

forever omg i never fucking talk at school anyways.

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

i had a bob once when i was like 7 years old. fuck that shit.

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

maybe? probably?

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

i can do an english accent,, southern,, a bad mock canadian accent to tease my bf, lksdf

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

a sphinx cat lady for my dnd campaign

58. What would be you dream car?

a vholkswagon bug

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

no i dont, because i did as a kid and my parents made fun of me for it so never again

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yeah

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

not too often but i stumble across that stuff occassionally

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

G. because. Greyne. and my given name is rlly special to me.its me.

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons by far fuckin fire breathing flying lizards.

64. What do you think about babies?

disgusting worms but sometimes ute as long as im at a far distance and they are happy

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

ehh

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