#in which i rediscover that i can’t draw the moon for shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chknbzkt · 11 months

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Oh gosh I just read your comic where Sun falls(also unrelated but I love the way you draw them all), poor Moon(and probably Monty when he finds out) seeing that, will Sun be okay? Or is he...Well...Dead?

Oooo gentle yoink right in the heartstrings hereee we goooo

It was a Really high fall, and poor Sun landed right on his head where all his memory bits are

It’s bad. Those kids weren’t exaggerating, they’re screaming in horror at the mechanical equivalent to watching someone crack their head open like an egg after falling from the third story

And to say the damage was mostly irreparable would be underselling things a wee bit

It’s a Ship of Theseus situation, his engineers and idk, robot neurologists?? do what they can, but the majority of Sun’s memories and personality were destroyed alongside his old head. When they’re done he looks brand spanking new, but at what cost?

Moon and Monty are heartbroken. Monty has put a ton of dedication into his relationship with both of them, but it hits Moon harder because they’ve been there from the very start. When the first thing Sun asked upon seeing Moon for the first time in 2 months was “Heeello! My name is Sundrop! What’s yours?” it killed him. It ached, the sudden feeling of hollow loneliness. And the knowledge that they’d have to explain this to Monty.

Now this all seems depressing as shit, but this story carries themes revolving around togetherness and mutuality in the face of the worst circumstances.

Sun may be a blank slate for the most part, but he’s not naive or anything. Much more, I said a majority of his memories went kaput. Sunny has always been a social butterfly (it’s in his programming for goodness sake of course he would be), and despite how new everything feels everything in this daycare has this subtle but palpable sense of familiarity and nostalgia.

Which is to say nothing of the odd habits and compulsions to do things for reasons he doesn’t understand immediately. Things he can’t explain, but they feel right. Like ignoring his directive to tidy up balls of paper left by the kids because Moon likes batting them around and cleaning up after. Or pinning back the blankets draped over the back entrance to their room because Monty uses it and, bless his heart, keeps getting his scutes hung in them like a dumbass

It’s intriguing. Moreso whenever he gets the warm and fuzzies on the odd occasions he catches his shy and strangely avoidant moon-themed twin outside of working hours.

Not the warm and fuzzies he gets when his charges for the day flood through the daycare doors. A more personal and deep-rooted warm and fuzzies. A biting feeling that he knows this person, but he only met them briefly a few days ago.

And don’t get me started on the nifty gator that sneaks in during the wee hours of the night. He can’t make heads or tails of what they’re saying but he Knows there’s connections and he wants to know What.

I may never get around to drawing it, who knows we’ll se about story snippets here and there, but Sun essentially refamiliarizes himself with Moon and rebuilds the bond he shared with his sibling (he wants to know them SO BAD but they want space to process all the MEMORIES BETWEEN THEM THEYVE LOST AGSJSGSJSG), and on the other hand he falls in love with Monty all over again, this time instead of Monty vying for his attention, it goes the other way

Sun eventually learning the full scope of what caused all this. Him being drained, but also… relieved. But all throughout his journey to rediscover what was lost… finally relearning what made Moon so important to him and vice versa. Finally relearning why they both feel in love with this stupid gator and his stupid dumb lopsided smile and his stupid dumb glasses-

Him sitting them down and asking, begging to let him know them again. Because he feels so disjointed and off and he knows it’s because of them and he wants to fill the holes their absence has left. He wants to love them all over again.

You have rekindled many thoughts about this comic I made in a single night during a single discord livestream oh noooooo 😭💖

#ohhhh my god #bzkt spkz #dca fandom #many thoughts have made themselves de manifest forcibly and with Gusto #JUST THE STORY OF A MAN LOSING EVERYTHING THAT MADE HIM HIMSELF SLOWLY TURNING BACK INTO WHO HE WAS #BECAUSE MOON AND MONTY ARE INTRINSIC PARTS OF HIM THAT WERENT DAMAGED IN THE FALL #THEY MAY NOT BE PART OF HIM PHYSICALLY BUT DAMN IT THEY ARE PARTS HE CANT BE WITHOUT!!!!!!!!! FUCK #I hope this answers your question :)

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shmisolo · 4 years

Photo

I wanted to post the things I’ve made this year in one place. I haven’t posted most of them over here—largely because I’m not tumblring a lot these days. But I made a lot this year—both visual and written—that I’m proud of and wanted to share it out. You can find this post also in tweet form here!

Happy 2020, Reylo friends! It’s been a wild ride of a year, and mine couldn’t have been what it has been without you.

Visual

Oneshots

Investiture for @misscoppelia

In which Ben goes to daven for his father’s yahrtzeit and manages to prove to himself once again that he is both a terrible person and a terrible Jew.

Oh and he sort of falls in love.

baby you can drive my car for @talltig

They call them “soulmates.” Probably because it leaves less of a sting in their mouths.

The Kitchen for flypaper_brain

Rey and Ben, hunting for their first house.

alone with a heart meant for you for @nuanceismyjam

Ben orders Grubhub; Rey's car breaks down.

myosotis for @rissanox

Ben picked the flowers for their wedding.

and beyond for @lilithsaur

“Please?”

For a moment, he thinks it will be like the first time, him begging, her crying and saying no and him not knowing how to protect his crushed heart.

But she doesn’t cry, she doesn’t say, “Please don’t go this way,” she doesn’t look horrified or disgusted. She just grabs him by the front of his shirt and tugs his lips down to hers before reaching down to cup his cock.

You, Me, and He for @rissanox, @persimonne, and @misscoppelia

When they say that Kylo's brain is in his groin, they're not far from the truth.

Alternatively,

In which Kylo Ren is his own penis.

Bliss, Balance and Birth for @selunchen

Ben teaches their daughter to read.

💦💦💦💦

In which Ben accidentally implies that he gets his cardio from having sex on national television.

Favorites for @lilithsaur

In which Matt is preoccupied in getting Daisy the perfect token of his love on this, the two month anniversary of her agreeing to be his girlfriend.

A Trash Triplets AU.

Gotta Get Up, Gotta Get Out | Moodboard

“Listen asshole,” Rey says as she steps through the door of Poe’s deli. “You have exactly as long as it takes me to buy these cigarettes.”

Ben doesn’t waste a second breathing. “Metaphysically speaking, you and I are intrinsically and inexplicably linked,” he starts because there’s no time for beating around the bush and besides, Rey can sniff out a lie like no one else. “And I'm convinced our true purpose is to to connect with each other, if not help save each other's lives.” She’s opening her wallet and handing Poe a ten. “In another world, hopefully you are doing the same for me.”

The Other Thing for @persimonne

That’s what they don’t warn you about, he thinks idly. In his DesEd class, they’d warned him about knots, and heats, and ruts, and nesting. But they’d never warned him that her home would smell so much like her, like everything he’s ever wanted, that he would be unable to extricate himself.

“Can you make it a little more interesting in like...thirty minutes?” he asks her.

She pulls away and he immediately regrets saying a damn word.

“I could make that work,” she replies dryly. “I’ll pencil you in.”

A for... for @loveofescapism

Rey’s seeing double by the time there’s food on her plate. Oh. There’s food on her plate. That’s good. That’s unexpected at this point. “Eat,” Ben tells her.

So she does. It tastes good. Very good. She likes this food a lot.

“I’ll make sure she knows,” Ben says.

Oh she’s at that point of drunk where she’s just saying things out loud instead of keeping them in her internal monologue.

“You are,” Ben says, looking very amused.

She hopes she doesn’t say anything embarrassing.

“I promise, you haven’t yet, but oh boy, I’m looking forward to this.”

She shoves food into her mouth to keep herself from thinking out loud about his dick in her ass at his mother’s Passover seder.

do or do not (do the do)

In which Ben, in an effort to improve his stamina (look he's making progress, ok?) after reading some articles that he'll never be able to unread, receives some coaching (that he very much did not ask for).

(Very much did not ask for.)

(Not) Interested for @thewayofthetrashcompactor, @monsterleadmehome, @destiniesfic, yuktipatipriya

We're bringing Speed Dating back to Space Battles Bonanza! Register online for one of our special Bonanza sessions of 15 three-minute dates so you’ll no longer have to look for love in a galaxy far far away. Choose from one of seven speed dating sessions, two of which are queer focused. If the Insurgents can blow up the Doom Moon in 11 minutes, let’s see if you can make a love connection in only three.

There’s a history of successful Speed Dating at Space Battles Bonanzas, with long-term couples, engagements and marriages now among the alumni.

In which Rey & Kylo meet at their fancon's speed dating.

Never Die for @avamarga

Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the Wise? I thought not. It’s not a story the Jedi would tell you.

Forged for @reyloner

There are several reasons that Ben would never have dreamed he’d ever receive this text. The first is that he’d be invited to a Halloween party. The second is that he’d never in his life expected to be in a serious relationship, much less the sort of serious relationship where his partner would suggest matching Halloween costumes. And the last is that he is dating someone who’s show only and they’ve only almost murdered one another twice. Because he’s an A Song of Ice and Fire fan. He hates Game of Thrones.

and getting caught in the rain for @kylorenvevo

What's the point of going to a family wedding if you're not going to hook up with your newly rediscovered brother's baseball coach?

A Picture's Worth for @selunchen

reyjay: hiya your art is amazing

reyjay: it’s a big ask but could you draw me for my art final tomorrow? i’m shit at drawing people and i can’t fail this. can you help?

He stares.

And stares.

kyloren: is this some kind of a joke?

reyjay: no?? why??

kyloren: you’re asking me to help you cheat your exam, but you’re not even offering me money?

Bang for your Buck

“We ready?” he asks her, sounding huffy.

“Nice to meet you Ben, I’m just familiarizing myself with your training,” she replies.

“Ok, well I don’t have all day.”

“No, you have,” she checks her watch, “another hour.” Because of course he’d booked an extra long session. Bless that sweet, sweet overtime pay.

“And you’re sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks her and she glances up at him, sure that her eyes are flashing because that’s fucking rude. She’s a professional. Amilyn wouldn’t have hired her if she didn’t know what she’s doing, and just because he apparently thinks he’s the center of the universe doesn’t change that fact.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get your bang for your buck,” she tells him icily.

Two to Tango

Rey: I need to ask you something awkward. Ben: What’s up? Rey: Can I give you a blowjob? Please?

atlanta > all atlanta > community > missed connections for @sand-its-everywhere

In which Rey meets a cosplayer at DragonCon.

Sonsick (I'll fall for you soon enough) for @jeenonamit & YTCShepard

Sheev and Snoke share a moment at the country club.

A Thousand Words for @monsterleadmehome | Moodboard

In which, some years later, Ben encounters someone he drew for nudes.

Truth and Death written for this year’s @reylofanfictionanthology

Ben opens the box. Inside, he sees the charred remains of a helmet.

------------

She is made of sand-turned-clay, where other moving creatures are made of flesh and blood. Their skin cracks in the dry Jakku sun just like hers, but they are alive in their organs.

Rey is alive in a different way.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year written with @jeenonamit | Moodboard

Rey convinces Ben--and his sentient penis--to go with her to a Halloween party.

What could go wrong?

(Working title: "Dicklo 2: Electric BOO-galoo")

Shalom Rav! for @jeenonamit | Moodboard

In which Rey comes to terms realizing that she is attracted to the rabbi.

when the stars and moon align just so for @capaldisrighteyebrow

Songs spoke of red stars on nights that blood was shed. Stars bled too when the great fell. There were no red stars tonight. The stars did not bleed for Snoke.

Would they bleed for Ben?

She swallowed.

Because despite his own words—that he served his master (master, as though he were a draft horse to be yoked and plow the fields of men), that he would give everything to his master, she had seen doubt in his eyes that night, three years ago, when the stars and moon had aligned just so.

oh, my love, don't forsake me (take what the water gave me) for @reyloner and @loveofescapism

Their sabers clashed, humming in the spray, and Rey's heart was in her throat the entire time.

it’s you and me (i know it’s our destiny) | Moodboard

It’s just a kid’s game, he thinks when jealousy pangs in his heart. But it’s more than just a kid’s game.

It’s Pokémon.

It’s the only good thing in his life.

will you come when i call you (i’ll come when you call me) | Moodboard

Surely when Snoke had connected them, he hadn’t connected them like this.

—

@reylo_prompts: “Due to the Force bond Rey and Ben always come simultaneously. Now they need to figure out how not to do that since it can result in awkward situations.”

The Sweater Curse for @jeenonamit & @commandercrouton

She’s never made a sweater before, but she saw the pattern on Ravelry and who cares if she’s only made (lumpy) hats before—she has to try it. She has to make it. She has to make it for Ben.

“You realize that Hannukah isn’t an important holiday, right?” Ben asks as she makes eye contact with him. His eyes are big and brown and—at this moment—mildly annoyed.

“Really? Is it a giant conspiracy theory? Part of the war on Christmas?”

“More than you realize,” Ben says and for the life of her she can’t tell if he’s joking. He does this thing sometimes that’s confusing—where he’ll say something that sounds mopey but is actually snarky and it disarms her every damn time. “In any event, ugly Hanukkah sweaters definitely aren’t a thing the way ugly Christmas sweaters are.”

“Well, they are now,” Rey says firmly. “I’m making you an ugly Hanukkah sweater. Deal with it. And stop moving.”

Ours Is The Fury for @reyloner & @commandercrouton

Rey was tasked with taking Storm's End for her king. She defeated the Storm King Snoke in the Rainwood, but when she proceeded to the castle itself, preparing for a long siege, things did not go to plan.

Seen ✔️✔️ for @ever-so-reylo | Graphic

His lock screen has three texts from Rey on it:

Rey Wife: Babe I know you’re probably busy right now, but you sent that pic to the wrong chat. Rey Wife: Bennnnnnn Rey Wife: Call me when you’re done processing your trauma.

And then about ninety chats from the Skywalker Ranch WhatsApp thread.

In which Ben sends a picture to the wrong chat.

With you, Always for @jeenonamit, @nuanceismyjam, and YTCShepard

Rey's boyfriend is now a Force ghost but they're sure as fuck gonna try fucking anyway.

Chaptered Fics

we decided not to kill the wolves (we wanted to be wolves) for @nerdherderette | Complete | Moodboard

A pack of wolves lives in the woods to the north of Raddus and as winter looms, they have their eyes set on Leia Organa’s stronghold. Rey may be new to Raddus, but she’s not about to do nothing while it may be in danger. And besides, Poe must be exaggerating about wolves the size of bears. She’s not afraid of monsters.

Carry In My Core (That Voice I Adore) | Complete | Moodboards

Starring in her first opera would be stressful as is, but Rey, always one to outdo herself, just had to go and make things even more complicated with Kylo Ren. It’s hard enough looking him in the eye, much less pretending to be in love with him. She can make it through this. She has made it through worse. She can make it through this.

shadow boxes | Complete

Just because they aren’t together, doesn’t mean they’re not in love.

anyway you want to (anyway you've got to) | Complete

But you know she's getting something other Than the love from her mother

A Porn Challenge in which your author makes Rey and Ben bone their way through the month of February.

words like tomorrow (or future, or fate) for @haloren1st & @staticcatfish | Complete

One day, Rey wakes in a body that's not her own in a town she's never been to before. Who is Ben, whose body she seems to be possessing, and who woke up in her body? Why are they connected this way?

---

A Your name. AU.

Above us, stars. Beneath us, constellations. for @valsansretour | Complete | Moodboard

Ben woke, but Luke’s saber wasn’t ignited. Instead, he saw a master who had shattered his trust, who thought he was a monster, and—worse—he was probably right.

So he fled Yavin IV, to Skywalker’s dismay, and no one heard from him since.

Years later, on a wasteland planet, a girl and a fugitive stormtrooper board a Corellian YT-1300 light freighter in desperation to find they are not the only ones trying to steal it.

Why Don’t You And I Combine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard

Rey’s phone rings while she’s at the farmer’s market. She lets it ring. They have a line and it’s only a few hours, and the girls are at school and it’s just her today, so she doesn’t have enough hands. Rose and Finn and Poe are helping Ben move furniture out of his apartment and into the house. They’re probably calling about something silly, or Ben’s calling to say he’s fully moved in and he’s lying in their bed—possibly with his hand on his cock—and that he’s thinking of her.

—

In which life continues, grows, and Rey and Ben continue to rebuild their relationship.

A sequel to Let’s Get Together.

The Love Committee for @jeenonamit | Complete | Moodboard

In which Rey, tired of her bad luck with dating apps and failed relationships, enlists her friends' help in determining who she should date next.

They take it a little too seriously.

A Year of Me and You for autonomee | Complete

“After you move in with one another, give yourself six months to like one another again,” Maz says, looking at Rey seriously through her bottlecap glasses.

“I’m not going to fall out of love with—”

“No, no. Not love. Love’s not got anything to do with it, child. Like.”

Non-linear vignettes of various length, set during the first year Rey and Ben live together.

Hanging by a Moment for pillar-of-salt | Complete | Mix

There are many things that Ben could have tolerated about his parents’ divorce. That his mother had finally had it with his father’s borderline illegal—or rather, as he liked to put it, borderline legal—company, the shady activities it covered that would doubtlessly end her political career if a reporter got hold of them; that his father had finally had it with the way his mother nags, because sure, he’d thought it was hot twenty years ago, but he is in fact an adult who can actually keep his shit together—all that he would have gotten. He’d have been wrecked, but he’d have gotten it.

His dad leaving his mom for a nineteen-year-old gold-digger though, and his mother not even putting up a fight—that had caught him by surprise.

That had hurt.

Be nice to her, Ben, his mother had said on the phone when he’d spoken to her for the first time in five years. She just lost your father.

Yeah. So did I.

Cupcake Wars | Complete | Fingerpainting + Playlist

Entirely by accident, Rey ends up fucking someone who works for Snoke's Cupcakery. She's just blowing off steam. It doesn't mean anything at all. It certainly won't come back to bite her in the ass.

in nobody's eyes but mine for @ever-so-reylo | Complete | Moodboard

Rey had spent too much of her life feeling as though permanence could only be transient so why bother with it. What was long-term? What was mating? What was home?

the water won’t have ya if the devil’s too blind for @thekesselrun | Complete | Moodboard

That water’s too dirty to wash away your sins.

“They’re not sins. I didn’t commit them against god. There is no such thing as god.”

Then whatever you want to call them. Crimes don’t get washed away by a river.

“It’s a cursed river,” Ben points out.

No, it’s a polluted river. Curses aren’t real. Not like that, anyway.

“Are you really well-actually-ing me?”

Yes, I am. Because you’re an idiot. Some extremely oily and not remotely potable water is not going to be able to remove the guilt you feel about killing your father, turning your back on your mother, murdering hundreds of innocents, and helping the First Order destroy the world. Especially when you knew I wasn’t going to let you die.

–

In which Ben Solo washes up on shore, very still alive and unsure of what to do next until a passing scavenger offers him a lift on her boat. Who is he now? Who does he want to be?

Apples & Honey for @peaceblessingspeyton | Complete | Moodboard

When Ben catches wind that his mother is planning to foist a potential girlfriend on him when he comes home for Rosh Hashanah, he takes matters into his own hands: specifically, he runs to Rey and asks her to pretend to be his girlfriend.

There Is Another for @kylorenvevo | Complete | Moodboards: Ch 1 | Ch 3 | Ch 7 | Ch 9 | Ch 11 | Ch14

“Mission success?”

“You will be interested in this.”

“Oh?”

Kylo glances back over his shoulder. The girl he had found on Takodana is still deeply unconscious, and will remain so for a long while. He had knocked her out as deeply as he could. She had fired at him the moment she’d seen him, resisted him tooth and nail. He does not want her waking up until he has her properly restrained, and he had not come to Takodana prepared to take any prisoners.

A shiver runs up his spine as he tries to shove away how it had felt, carrying her through that forest.

“Yes.”

“How so?”

The trouble with helmets is he can’t look Kira dead in the eye anymore. He can’t watch her face closely to see what will happen when he tells her,

“She’s you.”

Dear Mr. President | WIP | Moodboards: Ch13

Dr. Dameron shifts and slides a manilla folder across the desk to her. “Under ordinary circumstances, I’d let you keep the folder. I hope you’ll understand why I can’t do that this time around.”

She opens it and stares.

She stares and stares and stares.

Dr. Dameron has to be kidding. There have to be hidden cameras here, this has to be some elaborate prank. That’s why it’s him here and not Dr. Wexley—that was his name. Dr. Wexley.

But instead of getting to her feet and tossing her hair and saying he was cruel for playing with her heart like this, all she does is ask, blankly, “So...Ben Solo is my soulmate? Our new president is my…”

She swallows.

And Dr. Dameron nods.

so long lives this and this gives life to thee | WIP | Moodboard

His smile fades and he falls to the ground, his head hitting the ground with a sharp crack.

“Ben!” The yell echoes around them in the darkness and Rey lurches forward, her hands scrabbling over his face, his neck, trying to find a pulse.

She bursts into tears when she finds it. She doesn’t know why she’s crying. He’s alive.

———

In which Ben's Force Sensitivity—and not his life—was given to save Rey.

a little death (goes a long way) for @talltig | WIP | Moodboard

“That’s good of you,” he replies. “Especially with the O-Negative.”

“It’s a good deal,” she says and he glances up. Yeah, because Omega blood is harder to find. A taste of life, because they almost never survive the turn.

#reylo #reylo fanfic #reylo fic #rffa writers #year in review

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holy-mountaineering · 4 years

Text

This spread is for @Kotm

Thank you for donating and the kind words!

Your spread is a 5 card Pyramid spread, three cards making a upward pointing triangle with two crossed cards in the center. In this spread the triangle represents the first formulation of an object or a second dimension in space. There is a sort of beginning, middle and end. When you draw a single dot for 1 and if you add another dot for the number 2, you can create a straight line but add a third dot and now you have a triangle, a shape, an object in two dimensional space. The center card on the bottom of the two represents the internal or emotional central idea of the spread. The top center card represents the external central idea or what action is crucial to what you’re set to do.

Now imagine that you’re looking at one side of a pyramid dead on.

The first and uppermost point of your pyramid is the Prince of Cups, the airy part of Water.

Thinking about how your feel, ideally, this is being smart about emotions and connections to other living things and people. This is the need to intellectualize and integrate how you’re feeling and connecting to life. This isn’t just thinking, this is airy water or steam moving the fuck away from situations that make them boil. The Eagle pulling the chariot here hovers above the water and is only connected by the evaporation and out pouring, like the rain cycle. The Eagle is a form of Scorpio, which has been described as a bit mysterious, so the air and thinking could expose some of those mysteries of feeling and connecting.

Do like steam and get away from the heat. Do like the Eagle and stay above shit that makes you boil. Your emotional states and connections to people that seem confusing just need some clear thought and the ability to pull away if it gets too heated.

The second point, the first to connect to the earth is II The Priestess, Gimel, Lvna. “The Mystic Desert Traveler”

This is the High Priestess of LVNA, Diana, Artemis, and all things of the Moon. She is moved by invisible forces, like the tides of the Oceans or the sands of desert wastes. This Priestess intuits and feels all phenomenon not seen by the lying eyes. She rides through the endless dunes on her camel, one of the few animals evolutionarily adapted for such harsh environments. She, like her camel, know the value of the desert, which is vast and sparse and awesome in it’s scope and intensity. Many mystical texts revolve around desert scenes of travel for that very reason.

She is also of Artemis, who loves animals and chooses them over Gods or men (or Goddesses or Women or anything else) but is the Huntress who also kills and consumes them. Love is complex and often involves several (possibly metaphorical) deaths. Taking in the energy of something that once was is very healthy if done sustainably.

The High Priestess is no simple worshiper of unseen phenomenon, she runs the temple of Higher Feeling. The takes the vibrations and reflects them back out in the Universe, like her Deity, LVNA.

Focus yourself to subtle vibrations that cannot be directly seen, yet are slowing moving things. Trust your intuition when it provides results. Prepare for a difficult and illuminating journey through what the layman would call a wasteland. You are built for this, you just have to feel what is not seen. Eat death, give life.

The last point and the corner that then connects again to the top completing the geometry is the 6 of Cups, Pleasure.

For reasons I call this the plumbing card. The water is not flowing freely as though it is pouring, it has been pumped through a series of tubes intricately woven together to fill the cups placed in the shape of a hexagram. Emotion and connectedness to life are intentionally being directed by unseen but invited forces. Someone who wasn’t looking closely could see nothing but knots and chaos and even wonder how the damn thing worked in the first place. Those people are squares and should be avoided at all costs.

Do what gives you pleasure that also instills clarity. Center on the best you can feel even if onlookers can’t appreciate what you’re doing connoisseurs (and you) will dig it.

The heart of the pyramid holds the Princess of Cups, the earthy part of Water.

We could consider this the substance in water or water hitting substance head on. This is the idea of the canyon wall being ground down over the millennia by moving water. The nutrients and minerals in the earth are transported down river to the fertile delta. This is the natural, “following your feelings” within your daily life. Try not to fool yourself, follow your intuition, not just passing whims. Feel, don’t necessarily react immediately.

Go with what you feel and intuit, let yourself go with the flow, if you will. Allow your situation to move with your emotions and be patient with your progress.

And the limestone surface of the pyramid is marked with VI The Lovers.

These Lovers aren’t about romantic love as much as it is the ‘Love unites the divided.’ This is the ceremony part of the alchemical wedding or the announcement of the intention to dissolve duality. Coagula.

All inverse and adverse elements of the card are brought together under the blessing of the Initiator who is giving the sign of the enterer. This is to say he is blessing your entering into this union of your shadow and conscious self.

You have some work to do on making a more unified you. There are issues that once brought together and balanced make more sense. Bring opposites or aspects of yourself you’re not familiar with/comfortable with together in your life to make a more complete whole. Set intention to do this, maybe even formally.

Well, what I get from all these Cups and Trumps (the only two “suits” in this spread) is that you need to focus on your emotional well being so you can get further in touch with your higher intuitive, connective and even “psychic” (for lack of a better term) abilities.

Think about how situations and people make you feel and figure out a(n escape) plan for people, places, and things that are setting you off in ways that you don’t feel like you can control. Figure this out so you can use those feelings to better serve you instead of being a servant to them.

Oddly enough, what’s connecting you to the Earth is basically the most “out there” card in the deck. “It isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey” doesn’t begin to cover this, but it is really time, once you get into the game, to focus on not focusing, haha. No, really though, you have an opportunity here to begin a real mystical journey through your own waste lands to rediscover those secret things in and outside of yourself that’ve been calling you for a while. Go into the desert, keep going.

And this process is to and will help you find this pleasure and truth about yourself and your situation you’re not going to be able to find using regular, logical means. This is complicated and only for you and if other folks can see it, good for them, but you are the one who needs to untangle this knot.

And remember, just let it happen, don’t force this and don’t use logic to make this happen, it won’t work that way. You must know that there is substance in the way that you feel and let that guide you not some idea of what that should look like.

This is all accomplished by, well, saying you’re going to do it. By making arrangements and agreements with yourself and then holding yourself to it. The point here is to integrate the higher and lower, the without with the within to make a more complete you! Yell it from the rooftops if you want, but make it so!

Thank you for donating and please get at me with any questions, comments, or concerns.

-Frater Nought

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sarahissharp · 7 years

Text

Jealousy and the New Woman

Edited and illustrated by Mariel Abenne

Dear Sarah,

A few months ago, I ended things with my boyfriend of three years. The decision was essentially mutual, as he had checked out emotionally, the spark between us had fizzled, and I was exhausted from trying to keep it alive on my own. In the time that has passed, we’ve stayed “friends,” aka we’ve texted each other once in a blue moon with an article we think the other might be interested in. For the most part, I’ve been okay with the situation and felt like I was mostly over him. Although it was tough at first, I was doing a great job of taking care of my newly single self — doing lots of fun things and reconnecting with friends, even joining my office intramural soccer team (something I would have never done when we were together). It kind of felt like a movie, like the girl rediscovering herself after ending a long relationship and getting back to that fun, fulfilling single life again.

And then, the other day at brunch, a mutual friend of ours told me that he has a new girlfriend, an acquaintance that I had actually introduced him to years ago. And I could feel my heart breaking FAR more painfully than it ever had before.

The thing is, I can’t stop comparing myself to this other girl, because we have so many things in common. We work in the same field and she is super successful, which is weird because my ex had always seemed uninterested in my career (while I was super involved/overzealous in it). She was a big soccer star in college and has the body to prove it, whereas I got injured and meant to get back on the field, but didn’t make time (my body proves that). We even kind of look alike. I feel like he’s replaced me with a better version of myself, and it’s like a slap in the face. I can’t help but wonder how much more interesting, fun, or sexy she is than me, and I keep finding myself wondering if they’re cuddled up somewhere, laughing at me for being such a mess. I know that’s a little dramatic, but I can’t help it. It feels like this jealousy is eating me up and reversing all the progress I’ve made getting over him so far.

So what the hell? I’m the one who broke up with him, and I know that I did the right thing. I hate that I’m making myself miserable with these thoughts. How do I stop stalking the new girl on instagram, and letting her perfect selfies ruin my life? Most importantly, how do I get back to rebuilding the single life I was getting so excited about?

Love,

Jealous Juliet

Dear Jealous Juliet,

It’s a normal part of the breakup process to fill the holes in your schedule and heart with new adventures. You’re spending more time with your friends, picking up new pastimes, and otherwise re-entering your life — that’s great! But I want to point out that re-entering your life means that you’ve been, perhaps, a little absent from it.

You say you’re “getting back to that fun, fulfilling single life again,” so it sounds like you weren't very fulfilled in your relationship, and it’s more than okay to admit that. In fact, I think this is a good time to remember what your relationship was really like.

He checked out and left you to either keep the relationship alive by yourself, or end it. He was also uninterested in your career (but you hardly get that out before disclosing that you’re actually too interested in your own career, so who can blame him?!) You hadn’t been playing soccer or seeing much of your friends, presumably to make more time for him. I imagine he wasn’t making the same sacrifices.

Were you making a lot of other sacrifices? How many friendships fell to the wayside? Besides soccer, what else have you put off or abandoned altogether since the last time you were single? And most importantly, was it your ex who asked you do all of this, or did you make these sacrifices yourself?

We all fall into routines in long-term relationships, some more healthy than others. I spent a year of my last relationship watching children's movies on Netflix, eating delivery pizza, and telling my friends I was too tired to go out. It was a tradition I mostly enjoyed, but I missed out on fun times with my friends and gained 10 (15) pounds and I had to deal with those choices when we broke up and I was lonely and self-conscious.

"Don’t confuse loving someone with shrinking your life down to accommodate loving them."

What I’m trying to say is: don’t miss out on your own life when you’re in a relationship. Don’t confuse loving someone with shrinking your life down to accommodate loving them. Your life should always be about you to a healthy-ish, balanced-ish extent. You should strive for a fun and fulfilling life, whether you’re single or not. I know your question wasn’t about how you conducted yourself in the relationship, but about how you’re coping now that he’s moved on. But I think they’re related. Do you think this New Woman will stop playing soccer, going out with her friends, or taking great selfies because she’s in a relationship now? Wouldn’t it be a shame if she did?

You’re smart to point out that you broke up with him, and that you know you made the right choice, so don’t get carried away thinking your progress is gone because he’s moved on. Sure, this New Woman makes you self-conscious and insecure, but the things you want of hers’ appear to be: a more consistent soccer habit, a more athletic body, career success, glamorous selfies, and a partner who supports your career and thinks you’re sexy and fun. She has your ex, and you already know he can’t give you these things. You don’t want what she has, not really.

There’s something else going on here. The ex’s New Woman is the opposite of that mirror in Harry Potter that reflects you with everything you desire. When you look into her beautiful selfies with 345 likes, you see everything that’s fucked up and unkempt about you. You start rummaging through your flaws. The deep shit that keeps you up at night. The place your eyes wander when you’re staring at yourself in a poorly-lit dressing room at Target because you went in for candles but saw a cute-ish romper that you are now realizing is two sizes too small. Your ex has seen all your flaws, and now you’re extra aware of them because he’s moved on with someone who probably has NO FLAWS. She would look great in this stupid romper. I bet she has three distinct hobbies! I bet when she’s vulnerable, it’s sweet and endearing, not ugly and needy. I know what it's like to flatten another woman and all of her flaws and complexities into a mirror that reflects only my insecurities back to me. We all know this feeling.

I know it doesn’t seem like it, but this is a gift. This New Woman has made you a to-do list of your insecurities, and now you need to work through them so that you can heal from this breakup and also from the injuries we all accumulate from womb to unflattering Target dressing room.

Start with the list this New Woman made you. Your body, your career, your fear of inadequacy, your mediocre selfie skills. Really inspect each line item: Where did this insecurity come from? Is it from you, or somewhere else? Does it stem from a flawed or unrealistic expectation? Is this fear baseless, or can you learn from it? What would you say to a beloved friend who professed to have the same insecurity? How can you part with the unhealthy thoughts and attitudes?

“Always make room in your brain/heart/closet for better things than shame and insecurity.”

When you’ve started to break these insecurities into manageable pieces, you can start throwing that shit out. Dump it on the curb with that romper you bought in some sort of aspirational power-move that failed. Work through the list this New Woman gave you and then keep going forever. Always make room in your brain/heart/closet for better things than shame and insecurity. Don’t give up on that work.

Every time you think of your ex and this New Woman, remind yourself that you don’t want your ex back. Every time you wind up stalking her instagram, shift your focus from whatever insecurity she draws out of you, and focus instead on the better things you’re making room for. Plan a trip! Set some exciting career goals! Download a dating app! For your next relationship, look for someone who’s wildly encouraging. Protect yourself from men who make you feel insecure, men you’re so anxious to please that you’d ditch your own life for Domino’s pizza. And seriously, don’t settle again for someone who can’t even feign interest in your career.

“This is one of Newton’s laws: every woman is eventually someone’s ex’s New Woman.”

Someday, when you move on with someone new, you will become the New Woman for somebody else. This is one of Newton’s laws: every woman is eventually someone’s ex’s New Woman. You’ll become the mirror of insecurity for someone else to get lost in, and she may see someone driven, someone who has voluminous hair and a great sense of humor, someone who seems really present in her life. At some point we all get lost in another person’s unflattering reflection of us. Don’t stay lost too long, Juliet. Turn away from this New Woman and her mirror. Go to Target and buy your own mirror, one of those cheap and inexplicably flattering ones. Stare into your reflection, and think about everything you like about yourself. Think about everything exciting on your horizon. Get lost in that.

All my love to you,

Sarah

#butwhatdoiknow #advice #jealousy #moving on #exes #single #breakups

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