thinkin about things and I didn’t realize how fucking refreshing it is to not have to people please, like. this friend has told me that if I try to fawn or put her needs above mine she Will call me out on it and I believe her

Once More

an Akatsuki no Yona fan fiction

Pairing: Zeno x Kaya / Reincarnated!Kaya (and some platonic Zeno x Yun as well)

Word Count:2,570 words

Short prompt: As the happy hungry bunch walks around in a shopping district, Zeno meets Kaya’s reincarnation as a seller of jewelries.

(Uhhh, this is the first time that I’ve written a fanfic so pls have mercy on me and don’t expect much lmao)

/////

After a week of nothing but fighting people who endangers the fate of Kouka, the happy hungry bunch collectively agreed to treat themselves in the nearby shopping district. And by treating themselves, they mean looking around for sightseeing because reality isn’t kind enough to let them enjoy the expensive stuffs.

“Listen. Avoid getting too much attention to yourselves and causing too much ruckus, okay?” Yun attempted to tell them off and although he heard nothing but responses of agreement, he knew that it will be impossible for them not to attract attention anyway.

Everyone missed the lighthearted atmosphere and the sound of people laughing and merrily walking around rather than hearing the slices of the soldiers’ weapon, the agonizing screams of the enemies that they defeated, and the aggressive battle cries of both sides. It was a refreshing scenario and a beautiful moment for them to breathe.

All of them gleefully scanned the area until Zeno stopped walking in his tracks when he noticed the familiar brown locks and hazelnut orbs selling luxurious jewelries with gems shining as brilliantly as the eyes of the sellers. His felt that his chest tightened all of sudden.

‘K-Kaya?’ He hitched his breath as he stared at the seller with widened and surprised eyes. His feet froze on the spot as he felt his heart throbbing so loudly to the point that it’s the only thing that he can hear despite the surroundings being a thousand times louder. He clenched his tightening chest with his palms that are sweating thoroughly. Am I hallucinating? It’s been several years since I last saw her in my illusions. She can’t be Kaya’s reincarnation! They look so much alike that they can’t-

His trail of thoughts were cut off when he felt a tap on his shoulder. With his eyes still trembling, he looked at the hand on his shoulder only to find out that it was Yun. After all, it wasn’t hard for his friends to notice his strange behavior. “Zeno? What’s the matter?” Yona asked as she shifted her eyes to the person who was being stared by the yellow dragon. The female with brown locks who is allegedly Kaya’s reincarnation was talking to one of the customers, probably doing the sales talk. As her mouth moves, the golden haired man can definitely hear her cheerful voice from his imagination and he can infer that the way she moves definitely screams his deceased wife.

Yun gently gripped Zeno’s shoulder which made it easier for him to collect his thoughts and calm down. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, taking a while to find the comfort from the six worried people that surrounds him. His heart finally beats into a slower pace as he calmed down and opened his eyes to look at her properly. His expression softened as he can see a quite more energetic version of his wife.

“Want to check it out? We can only look at it though, since we have no money,” Yun mumbled the last part as he mentally sweat dropped over them being broke. Zeno simply shook his head and went back to his usual glee, “No need. I was just amazed at the jewelries,” he spoke as he fakes being fine just like how he faked it for the past several years.

Of course, none of them believed him but they have no other choice but to pretend to do so since the eternally 17 year-old will keep brushing it off. With Shin-ah especially sensing the uneasiness of the usually cheerful dragon, he did not hesitate to put Ao at Zeno’s shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. Zeno pretended not to notice as he continues to collect himself.  

Soon, he was distracted by several attractions such as funny costumes, unbelievable fortune-tellers, and amusing entertainers. The group mentally sighed in relief as the situation a while ago was their first time seeing Zeno in such an unstable state. They didn’t know if they were going around in circles, but they just walked along to the shops that attracts their interest the most just to distract their yellow happy pill. Though they were sure that he was not completely okay, they wanted to check on him later before they sleep at night in an attempt to console him.

After a while, the whole group heard Yun as he delightfully gleamed. “You can go ahead guys, I’m going to check these out,” the youngest boy said without lifting his eyes away from the products that peaked his interest which made his eyes sparkle at the sight. “Are you sure? We can wait, you know.” Jae-ha said, not wanting to leave anyone behind just for safety measures. Zeno chuckled at the overly worried man. “I’m going to accompany him. He might take a while if he wanted us to go ahead,” he remarked.

“If Zeno is there, I guess we don’t have to worry,” Kija muttered, though he knows that Zeno is still faltering quite a bit. Yona nodded, “We’re going to wait at the huge mango tree, okay?” She said. She thought that it will work out somehow with Yun calming down Zeno if he freezes again and Zeno protecting Yun without a second thought. “If you guys are still not there by the sunset, we’re going to cause a huge ruckus to search for you,” Hak added with an indifferent expression. Zeno laughed at himself because the possibility is really there. “Okay, see you later.”

Zeno hurried towards Yun as he sat beside him, “What got you so interested, kid?”

"Ah, look at these,“ Yun pointed towards a set of blueish flowers. Zeno tilted his head, "What are these?”

“Smeraldo flowers. I read from a book that these are imaginary flowers and apparently, there are rumors that once you get your hands on these flowers, its petals can cure whatever disease a person can have,” Yun explained.

A voice belonging to a seemingly old female hummed. “You are well-informed. Just add a single petal of this flower, a person will be very healthy and they will get rid of whatever illness or disease they may have. It’s a medicinal herb for incurable diseases, you know?” The grandmother who sells the smeraldo flowers spoke.

'Incurable diseases…’ Zeno frowned at the nostalgic phrase which he hated the most. “How much is this, miss?” Yun asked with the greatest puppy eyes that he could ever give in hopes of a big discount.

"Oh my, being addressed as a 'miss’ by a fair young man is really flattering. It’s 1500 rin, but for you, I will sell it for 1000 rin,“ she offered. With his shoulder growing heavy, and his head hanging down a little, it was obvious that Yun’s mood dropped after hearing the price. Sure, it was a big discount but he doesn’t even have half the money that he needs for the purchase.

"R-Right. It’s a rare flower, after all,” he nervously laughed. Zeno read the atmosphere as he quickly thinks of a way to get out this awkward situation. “Hey, kid! It looks like Hakuryuu is getting into a fight!” Zeno quickly points particularly nowhere. “What?! That troublesome guy, I swear!” The two man scrambled as they ran away from the shop.

When they were sure that they are not seen anymore, they finally halted. “Thanks, Zeno. I really wanted to buy it for you guys in case I won’t be capable enough to treat you anymore,” Yun frowned as he crossed his arms in disappointment. Zeno patted the head of their young healer. “Don’t worry. As long as I’m here, I’ll protect everyone,” he assured the kid. Yun shook his head, “I don’t want you to be severely injured anymore,” Yun’s shoulder grew heavier. Zen sighed fondly at the youngest.

“Say, Zeno,” Yun called the attention of the older male. “If you feel like you’re falling apart, I hope you remember that you are not alone anymore, okay?” he trailed off as he went ahead because he couldn’t bear the embarrassment, but he’d rather be embarrassed that let his friend drown in misery.

Zeno found the kid adorable as he watched Yun walking away with obviously flushed cheeks until Yun halted when he noticed a bracelet with seven differently colored gems– red, black, white, blue, green, yellow, and peachy orange. He wasn’t familiar with the names of precious stones but he can definitely see his family with that bracelet.

Without the two of them noticing the seller, Zeno hummed in amazement. “I like the yellow stone!” He enthusiastically claimed. “Good eye, mister! It resembles you perfectly,” the seller commented.

“Hm?” Zeno looked at the seller and almost dropped the item as he was surprised once again at the ever-so-familiar woman in front of her. Her smile was so nostalgic that Zeno reminisced his marriage life for a second. The memory of them having fun with each other’s company despite both of them not knowing when will the other meet her demise was a bittersweet one that he can’t help but bite his lip to stop his own tears. Seeing her up close gave her another pang of sadness hitting into his heart but as he glanced into the bracelet that gives him a different kind of happiness and comfort, he holds it tightly as he fights against the battle going on in his head.

He studied her features carefully. The short haired Kaya with unpresentable and simple clothes is now someone who has her hair reaching her hips and her clothes looking more colorful and elegant that goes well with her healthy body built. With the way she presents herself right now, she will never be thought of someone who is poor and sick. Although her hair length and clothing style is entirely different from Kaya, it would be safe to say that she indeed bears the soul of someone whom he loved the most but quickly passed away decades ago. He wanted to jump onto her and embrace her but he knows deep in his heart that this was not Kaya herself.

Or was she?

Of course, this is not literally Kaya herself but Zeno can’t help but question fate as to why he needed to see this person with a huge resemblance to his loved one, out of all people that he could have met. Perhaps, he already met his wife’s reincarnation countless times without him realizing it. Were they bounded to meet again and again regardless of what kind of person Kaya will be? Was Kaya impatient into meeting Zeno again? Did she found out that Zeno will never be able to meet her in the heavens so she went to the earth once again just to meet him?

He didn’t know, but one thing is for sure and that is the fact that destiny is playing with his heart and he didn’t know if he would like it or not.

Regardless, Zeno can’t help but curl his lips upward. He decided to just enjoy the moment and play along with fate “Maybe it resembles me because of my hair,” he scratched his head, trying to act as normally as possible. “I wouldn’t say that. That stone is a symbol of the sun and you surely give me a warm vibe,” she said honestly and without the hint of being flirty at all. Without the lady realizing it, it was her who was actually giving Zeno a warm vibe. He playfully grinned this time, “Well, a lot of people say that.”

As if to remind the two of them that there is another person, Yun cleared his throat and asked, “Aren’t these jewelries too expensive to be sold in a place like this?”

The young lady giggled. “Actually, my father is a stone cutter and these are the remnants or the edges that was cut. You could say that these are "rejects” but it would still be a waste not to sell it,“ she answered.

Yun nodded but he wondered if it was actually legal to do this. However, he shrugged it off because it won’t be surprising if the stones turned out to be completely fake. Perhaps the smeraldo that was being sold to them a while ago is also fake but they’ll never know. Zeno, on the other hand, was glad that the reborn Kaya does not need to spend her life in isolation anymore. Hearing her talking about her father gave him a sense of relief. "Your family seems well-off if he is a stone cutter,” Zeno said. The brown haired lady just laughed it off, “We’re not as well off as you think. But I’m thankful that my father is a great financial provider,” she said.

’At least you do not have to live by yourself while being unhealthy,’ Zeno thought as he also examined her body without perverted thoughts. She wasn’t as thin and pale as before and there was nothing more that could make Zeno happier.

The lady noticed the small piece of golden plate dangling by his head. As she takes a closer look, she knew that it was a pendant but she didn’t want to pry; maybe it was his own style. What took her interest though was the material of the necklace itself. “That chain also looks expensive and carefully carved! May I take a look at it?” Zeno was surprised at her comment that his widened eyes looked like eyes of suspicion.

“Ah, don’t worry, I’m not a thief. You don’t have to let me take a look if you don’t want to,” she reassured which made Zeno remember the first time he talked to Kaya where she also defended herself when she kept the necklace for him.

“It’s okay, I was just surprised. Here,” he said as he took it off and gave it to her with trust. He thought of it as a sort of payback for that night. “It’s really pretty and it seems like it was made just for you,” she commented. “Thank you, miss seller." Yun didn’t want to ruin the moment but he was thinking that their friends might be worried if they wouldn’t go to meet them. As much as Zeno wanted to talk to her, he also doesn’t want them to be worried and cause a ruckus while finding them. With that, they had bid her goodbye to which the lady gave them her farewell also.

"Sorry if we weren’t able to buy anything,” Yun said. She simply shook her head. “No need to be sorry. You were fun to talk to,” she reassured as she looked at Zeno with a genuine smile that Zeno missed so much seeing.

“I hope we’ll get to see each other again, mister sun,” she looked at her with hopeful eyes that glistened as the sun gets dimmer. It reminded him of how Kaya used to look at him with her loving eyes that never had an intention of doing anything bad to him but rather, it was the eyes of someone who gave him nothing but pure happiness and gentle affection.  

With no panicking and breaking down this time, Zeno gave her a smile with deep and complex feelings that not even he himself could decipher, “If we’ve been destined to meet again and again regardless of the time and place, surely we will see each other once more."

about Jemma page for mobile

basic information

FULL NAME: Jemma Anne Simmons ETHNICITY: Jewish ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION: straight (but demiromantic) and very confused by romance since she hasn't experienced it yet (and has trouble understanding what isn't spelled out to her, feelings-wise). Will be very into hook ups (even if I often fade to black). RELIGION: atheist SPOKEN LANGUAGE: English, British and American Sign Languages, Italian, some Spanish, Latin. (oddly good with accents) OCCUPATION: (genius) biochemist and field agent until the Monolith, then mostly consultant for the lab department and operative.

physical traits

TATTOOS: a small compass on her bikini line, on the left. NOTABLE PHYSICAL TRAITS: after the planet, two very large scars along her stomach and belly (wounds that she had to cauterize), an equally treated long scar around her arm, inches below her wrist. A scar left from a bite on her lower back. Her skin is black around her wrists because of a tentacle plant, she usually wears wristbands to hide it. Several smaller scars on her arms and legs. A scar from scoliosis surgery on her back. More burns on her torso from Giyera. After s4, a scar from a stab wound left by LMD Fitz, a smaller one over her hairline from him as well, and another robot programmed by fear!Doctor shot her other leg. And freckles.

phobias and disorders

PHOBIAS: see her about. MENTAL DISORDERS: PTSD and autism.

biography/about

The most important part to read because I'm very canon divergent, or at least you should read s3 and the effects of the planet and this page, especially if you don't know aos well. Crossovers can always happen and are welcomed (aus with those are in the verse page). After she comes back from Maveth, she'll always wear warmers to hide the scars on her arms or gauntlets and, on missions, when she might be still out at night she has goggles/glasses to see in the dark and not freak out, as well as weapons always hidden all over her clothes. Every now and then she might use more tech we have seen in the show, like a gauntlet that can create a shield (also worn over her arm). Keep in mind that while I tend to give as many flaws as they have qualities, how many weaknesses as they have strengths (you spend time bettering something, something else will be ignored), I write this specific Jemma as still a genius but also a fighter hard to defeat; she gets injured a lot around season 3, she's still learning proper moves, but doesn't let that stop her and in the next seasons she's getting better with training. She's pretty easy to put into lots of "cliché" plots we see on tumblr, where she's the muse who is beyond protective, grumpy at first and soft later, sassy, fighty, gets constantly hurt, takes everything too literally, she doesn't expect to be loved and feels like a bad person but will not make choices for others (she learned from past mistakes) and allow them to be close to her while warning them about the risks. When she melts, she's still extra cute and loving, though. Jemma considers her team a family. Often, but not much during season 3, I write her as a pretty sassy, gruff friend who is, of course, sweet and compassionate to people she loves, but also awkward, not too good at interacting with people appropriately, petty, vindictive, mean to people she doesn't like, cocky, yet full of self-hatred when it comes to her past mistakes, prone to guilt and hiding her problems, and, in a way, ready to be 'taken in' by your character and to form some strong bond in which she's protective and either openly supportive or hiding it behind a bickering exterior. She also lost lots of her impulse control and the filter between thoughts and words. She'll get in constant trouble as always, rush into danger, and scold her friends for doing the same. She'll react to things with her weird brand of humor, but also panic, temporarily lose hope, need comfort, just like an other normal person; she cannot be expected to give people constant hope and be optimistic since she has her own burdens to carry but she'll do her best to help. Season 1 is pretty much the same, bubbly scientist who needs to be reminded of what's creepy and inappropriate and likes following rules as long as she agrees with them, but since she has no medical training I headcanon that she wings it and is very proud of herself for making it work. She's not meant to be a doctor, however, and will be extremely freaked out whenever performing surgery; in season 1 and in every other season she will run away to cry right after. She has no idea that Lorelei did more to Ward than to just use him to find their Bus, or she wouldn't be joking about men being weaker than women. She did NOT have a crush on Grant Ward; she cleaned up her language to avoid an awkward moment with Coulson when interrogated in season 3, but Jemma simply felt sexual attraction for him. (She felt sexual attraction towards many men she met, since they were her type in one way or another). She's also not the extra nice and friendly person as she's usually mistaken for, but she hides mean comments or her cockyness behind a sweet voice. She was already vindictive and ready to fight in s1, as well as overconfident. She is a loving and supportive friend but only to either people she likes or those she just met who need a hand. Season 2 She trained before going undercover and never stopped; driven by PTSD, her vengeful streak, her distance from the team and her self-hatred, Jemma started believing that making hard calls and being the expendable one was her role in the team; that, and to protect her friends not only from threats but from becoming like her. They were the good guys, she was just trying her best. Killing Ward was an obsession that she had a hard time letting go of, and she was ready to give her life for several reasons, but it was still hurtful to be believed capable of hurting Daisy. She had a harder time forgiving Bobbi and Mack, she didn't blame Kara Palamas for her brainwashing - though she definitely still judged the couple Kara-Ward (when she hates someone she'll be biased and petty). From her point of view, Ward was probably using her. Either there was never a love declaration from Fitz or, if you are a Fitz rper, we can plot differently. There will be no Will so either way we'll skip that love triangle. disclaimer for who didn't read the previous pages and jumped to this: crossovers can always happen (aus with those are in the verse page). After she comes back from the planet, she'll always wear warmers to hide the scars on her arms, and on missions when she might be still out at night she has goggles/glasses to see in the dark and not freak out, and weapons hidden all over her clothes. Every now and then she might use more tech we have seen in the show, like a gauntlet that can create a shield (also worn over her arm). Keep in mind that while I tend to give as many flaws as they have qualities, how many weaknesses as they have strengths, I write this specific Jemma as a fighter hard to defeat; she gets injured a lot around season 3, she's still learning proper moves, but doesn't let that stop her and in the next seasons she's getting better with training. On the planet or season 3 Jemma has lived one year in Maveth, while it was six months for people on Earth, and has adapted to the place, responding to the constant threats and violence by turning just as feral as the beasts there. There was a red 'sun' and I have several headcanons on flora and fauna but it's something that can be told by Jemma if she's asked. A tentacle plant left her skin black around her wrists, and she has two large cauterized wounds along her abdomen, another cauterized cut on her arm, and a small bite mark on her back. She found a Kree staff and used it to hunt, becoming much better at fighting, but thinking too much meant hesitating and dying, so she had to rely on instincts and that impulsive behavior became a part of her. She also still talked to her friends as if they were there while aware they were not. After the planet, season 3 or the Big Change It's obvious right away that Jemma isn't herself after Fitz takes her home: her health is terrible, she clings to her closest friends, she hides in her room (a new one she asked upstairs, because windows are vital for her), the hypervigilant and aggressive state she's in. It takes her more than a couple of weeks to come out of her room and start talking again, cautiously at first, and asking for dr. Garner's help. She doesn't share much about the planet unless prompted by her fear of accidentally hurting her friends. Here are some of the most noticeable consequences of what happened: She sleeps in the morning after dawn because is terrified of falling asleep at night. She lost the filter between thoughts and words and between thoughts and actions and is trying to find it again. She cannot stand the smell or sight of meat. It’s not a problem with meat being ‘meat’ itself; if she can hide the smell or make it look different (like salami) she can eat it. But she also has trouble with vivisecting/dissecting human and animal bodies and can’t really see a solution for it. She's violent when startled or grabbed though it gets better with time. Depending on the verse, after some therapy and after more misadventures, she might choose to leave. Her fighting skills are not at 'May' level because she only had the basic training before the planet, but after a year of fighting she has learned how to use her whole body and objects around her as weapons. She became REALLY good at climbing things and at ignoring pain too (however she lacks of natural reflexes connected to self-defense like trying too instinctively avoid blows). Of course she kept training, even if she's more of a biochemistry expert + unofficial op. She's still captured and tortured because of Malick, too scared to go back to that planet herself and ready to die for it; Hive being real is a nightmare coming true, and she tries to stay away from everything related to him. When Lincoln goes to die, however, she tries to take his place but doesn't make it in time, stopped by Mack and Fitz. When Daisy leaves, Jemma can't say she blames her. She'll do her best to earn Mace's trust just like in canon even if not with stellar results, and be equally wary. season 4 goes a lot like in canon, with her working at the lab again as much as that's possible for her, going on missions too, and plotting against Mace. Her emotional health starts getting to a better place, the constant training when she's not supervising lab scientists helps her become an even better fighter, and she has a safehouse just in case things turn south with Mace. Having to kill a LMD that looks just like Fitz brings back all her fears of hurting the team and she's gutted, barely able to keep it together in the Framework, and she's back to bad reflexes and insomnia. In season 5 she's immediately in trouble with Kasius because she's unable to let him touch her without responding aggressively, and because she's scarred instead of 'perfect'. He doesn't kill her right away and enslaves her instead, only because he has a feeling that she might be important (as in a SHIELD member of sorts). He still keeps touching her face, but because of her violence his admirations is more about her resorcefulness in that area, since she failed against Sinara but still attacked them in surprising ways, and for that reason she's not given a light blue tunic like his special - and perfect - servants but a black one, and a collar is put around her neck because Kasius already sees humans as animals and Jemma behaves like one more than any other, so it's a mockery instead of part of the slave outfit we saw in canon. She does cut his throat later, and it's his brother who goes against the rest of her team. She can't handle the situation once back home and spends days locked in her room. It will be plotted how Deke's mother came to life but she will be showing her soft side to him (and possibly, instead of 'the steps you take don't need to be big', it's her speech about laws of thermodynamics and how she'll go on to be a supernova, monkey, fish, the same from the pod, is the one that Deke's mother used to say to people, to comfort them about the constant death in the Lighthouse). But this is where I diverge from canon again, and in this case it can be plotted differently with Fitz and Daisy rpers since it involves them directly, but by default it was Fear!Doctor and Fear!Fitz who operated on Daisy; Jemma gets herself shot trying to help her because she can't hold back, while Fitz has been locked in another room. The team is still divided by this, Fitz has his own issues with what happened (but not a psychotic break), Daisy is hurt, Jemma is afraid and guilty. At the end of the season Fitz doesn't die, cryo!Fitz doesn't need to be awaken because he 'will' wake in the version of the world that has ended and finish the circle that ends the timeloop. Jemma is free to either stay with the team but work on healing again or leave SHIELD for a while. This way I'm free to keep writing Jemma as I want, and with whatever plots I want for her after s5. By now, she became a skilled fighter and won't be losing many fights (but might lose control and kill) but for obvious reasons she needs time to heal again. However, any point in time after season 3 she can leave the team and that encourages crossovers, as well as her working from SHIELD with people from other universes not so differently from canon, or cooperating with other members of the MCU. Not necessary to read to rp.

relationships

PARENTS: Daniel and Grace Simmons. She's emotionally abusive and he's too submissive to help; Jemma was close to him until he started working more and being home less (around the time she was six and her sister Cat was born), and that's when her mother started pushing Jemma to work for them not long after. Her grandmother and the house staff are the people who took care of Jemma the most. SIBLINGS: older brother Marcus, who hates her out of jealously, and younger sister Cat, who initially was raised almost like a daughter by Jemma, then after Jemma left for SHIELD pushed her out of her life because she felt rejected, especially since Jemma lied about why she stayed in the US and told everyone she'd be a party planner; around s3-s4 will learn the truth and be close to Jemma again. BODY ENHANCEMENTS/SCARS: pre academy: -big burn on the right side of her torso, visible under bra, from torture -thick scar from waist to her belly - from surgeries and poking around -tiny scar over her heart - from her brother Marcus -other tiny stab scar on her thigh - same as above -burns and cuts on her back - discipline/teaching her to focus while in pain -replaced spleen - teach Jemma how to perform part of her surgery, also to start replacing parts of her body with tech because it's 'better', more organs will be replaced later on also so that they won't collapse under duress when she's given drugs to be stronger and smarter, and of course because she might need to fight, and her new tech parts will require other organs to be enhanced too. Can't have her dying of heart attack because her heart couldn't take what she just did with her 'enhanced' body -tiny explosive tech in her brain hard to remove -two scars, one for each side of her head, where there has been some poking around. -for now her heartbeat is faster than it should be, and blood pressure is high instead of her usually low one. PLANNED, SOON: -artificial eye and arm -two metal plates on her calfs, work in progress, so she'll have enhanced lower limbs too at the end -heart is going to be 'enhanced' soon. BACKSTORY: Jemma is the daughter of the CEO of Roxxon, Daniel Simmons, but it's her mother, Grace, who is the real pupper master, on the board of command and feared by everyone for her power and lack of soul. With Roxxon being the richest multicompany who owns more or less anything and has financed every evil activity in the past decades around the world, Grace considers herself already victorious, but she's not done: she wants to turn her genius daughter Jemma into a perfect version of herself, with no feelings getting in the way of what she wants but still the same intelligence and creativity, which means that simply operating on her brain to remove her ability to feel guilt and love would be impossible due to complication that would likely make Jemma 'less efficient'. Jemma has to keep her mind, but said mind should be exactly the way Grace wants it to be. So while she looks for a solution and she has been working on thoroughly breaking her daughter, Grace has started to at least perfection Jemma's body with surgeries, of making Jemma herself perform them. After years of experimentation, using her youngest daughter Cat, that Grace had Jemma raise, as leverage (every year Jemma had to choose if still be experimented on or let her sister be the new victim, and every year Jemma chose herself), SHIELD found Jemma; back then Grace's role in Roxxon was more hidden, but after Jemma's rescue it was clear that while her daughter felt no loyalty towards Roxxon, they didn't have the power to destroy the whole organization, much less take down the Simmons family, and SHIELD had to decide what to do with the sixteen years old. Fury felt pity for the girl, but also saw the potential, and since Grace had clearly no interest in SHIELD, not considering it a threat, they kept Jemma as their agent, hiding of course classified information from her. Grace allowed Jemma to be in SHIELD, not needing her home anymore and well aware that she could ask Jemma to do anything for her sister, and that her daughter believes her to be invincible and has no hope when it comes to her. Jemma didn't even know about Roxxon itself, she simply thought her mother and father worked for some evil laboratory, and that was why she accepted SHIELD's deal not to tell anyone about her situation, just try to leave a normal life while she still could. Her friendship with Fitz was an unexpected source of strength that her mother didn't see coming, since she doesn't understand the power of human relationships, she simply knows it and finds ways to use it, but Jemma kept the secret because she believed Fitz wouldn't be in danger even if he was her friend. She'd say she trusted SHIELD to finish the job some day, when possible, and that if they hadn't yet it's probably because her family is so rich and powerful that it's impossible to win in court, but deep down she already feels there is something very wrong going on and that there is no hope. In season 2 that Coulson got the toolbox and found out what Fury and May already knew, Jemma's past abuse and situation, but also the intel they have on Roxxon, how her mother can't be brought down yet because if she dies, as a failsafe bombs will go off all over the country, how she has illimited intel on everyone and everything and won't hesitate going after people's families, or talking people into doing things that will leave them destroyed, and he had to warn Jemma about all of this, since with the fall of SHIELD and the rise of Hydra everything was now up in the air and Jemma had to choose for herself. Jemma couldn't go undercover in Hydra because of this or she'd be too noticeable, as the daughter of Grace, and since she wanted to stay away from Fitz, for more than a reason, she started training to be an operative and went on missions as much as possible but also tried to find the right moment and way to explain the truth about her past and make sure he wouldn't endanger himself for her anymore. Depending on the verse/situation, since she obsessed over Ward and tried to find everything on his backstory, she can either hate him even more out of fear that in her future she'll betray the team just like him and end up in the same vault, or feel empathy and like she can relate. It's also up to her if to tell her team about her family or not, and how. To her, it still seems safer to not say anything unless she has to, so no one will try to be a hero and fight them for her, which would result in their deaths or worse. She's aware that one day, any day, her mother might call her and ask her to do something she can't refuse, or simply take her back home for more experiments and 'enhancements'. That also definitely put a 'nothing can ever happen' label on all romantic relationships, which was there even before she knew about Roxxon, and after finding out just how powerful her family is, and not only a problem for her but for everybody, she's not sure friendship should be in her future either, but at the same time she feels she owes people the truth and yet that she has to protect them from it. Potential Deathlok Jemma in s2 or at least she'll be in need of prosthetics at some points. Potential 'attempt to offer Jemma to Hive' in s3 Potential Evil LMD Jemma after s4, who will be given to her mother by Ivanov and be the closest thing to a 'perfect' Roxxon Jemma, ruthless, partly detached from reality, sadistic, wants to win at everything, feels no care for anything whatsoever except her mother.

About page

You should already know this from the guidelines but it’s important to repeat it: I’m writing from Jemma’s pov, and Jemma is NOT okay. So how she reads the world is a mix of things that actually happened and how her already struggling mind perceived them, a result of the way they all piled up together: self-hatred, guilt, some actual hostility from the others and misunderstandings. Which leads to changes because this is the AU where she got bitter.  

***

NAME: Jemma Anne Simmons BIRTH DATE: September 11, 1987 ETHNICITY: Jewish GENDER: cis female ROMANTIC AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION: demi-hetero-romantic (requires a very strong bond, she has trouble reading her own feelings and distinguishing romantic love from platonic) heterosexual. RELIGION: atheist SPOKEN LANGUAGES: English, British and American Sign Languages, Italian, some Spanish, Latin. (oddly good with accents) RELATIONSHIPS: many hook ups, two failed attempts to see men for more than a couple of times (with Milton it lasted two months, that's her longest relationship). At first neglected by her mother and cared for by her father, once her potential was more clear Jemma was emotionally abused and pushed to her limits by the woman while her father was the one neglecting her due to his work; that's when she developed an exaggerated sense of responsibility/guilt. She raised her little sister, while her older brother hated her due to jealously, and she had a grandmother until 12 and the house staff try to take care of her as much as possible. INTELLIGENCE: canonically a super genius, able to have 2 PHDs when sixteen, to remember engineering-related codes years later even if she’s not an actual engineer, perform surgery and with an incredible memory especially when feelings are involved.

***

Jemma was taught by her father, as a child, to put all her troubles away, inside her music box, and she kept doing so as she grew up. All the traumas, all the anger she didn’t feel she had the right to let out, all the pain, got repressed because there were more important things to think about, because her friends were the ones'really suffering' and not her, and simply because she never learned how to process and deal with it. But the system stopped working and Jemma started feeling like a villain while simultaneously wanting to fight against the people who didn’t help her and, worse, misjudged her and the kind of dangerous person she could be.  The more she uses questionable methods and is aggressive to people, the more she convinces herself she’s lost. And the more she convinces herself she’s lost, the more she makes herself do questionable things. She has conflicting feelings about Fitz, she expects Coulson to be against her and is preemptively antagonistic with him, May and Daisy were more or less on her side so she's ready to die for them, Mack and Bobbi were nearly strangers she never got close to but who betrayed her when she already had enough of SHIELD so they are no friends, Hunter is equally a stranger but he never did anything against her or the team so she's not feeling anything special in a good or bad way for him, and she didn't get to meet any new teammate. She doesn't have the healthiest life-style, has mood swings at times, also due to sleep deprivation, and deep down is in desperate need of being told that she's fine the way she is.

 So, this is the version of her backstory for who doesn’t need a full recap of the first two seasons of aos. Long but it explains the turns her mind took to get to that darker place, I bolded parts to help you 'skip' the least important bits if you can't read too much at once: 

Jemma had PTSD as well as survivor guilt and an already exaggerate sense of guilt in general. Considered herself responsible for Fitz’s brain damage in particular and everything that came with it: for his frustration, when he got angry she took it as a personal failure, she watched him struggle to be better and suffered, she hated when she couldn't finish his sentences but also knew she was slowing down his recovery by doing things for him to keep him from being angry at himself, and felt responsible for not finding a way to make things work. She was falling apart and ran away, undercover, to save him from herself and not for her own health, which instead needed some safe and quiet and not be isolated in enemy territory to avoid getting worse.  And after coming back to the base, she finds herself isolated again, and learns that people actually assumed the worst of her, as well as talking about it with the new guys while she was gone. She was already thinking the worst of herself, and finding out that the people who tried to see the good in everyone else believed she’d be capable of abandoning her best friend because he wasn’t 'good enough' was already a bad hit. And not only she couldn’t voice her own reasons and pains because unable to communicate her feelings, but was aware that telling Fitz she had left because his recovery was slower thanks to the pressure he puts on himself to work better with her, and because she made him worse, would make Fitz feel even more guilty and ‘useless’, and do nothing good. 

She was mostly alone, once again, even if surrounded by people she knew as opposed to undercover in Hydra, and not a comfortable kind of alone. She overworked and even when repressing her emotions she had to hid to cry often. Skye was facing her own tragedies but did try to show some support and Jemma was thankful for it, but much like May who was equally impartial and close, Jemma didn’t get to see her much anymore; Bobbi was there less than two months before she turned out to be part of another faction, too little time to be nothing but just a friendly acquaintance to Jemma. Her betrayal was still anger-inducing, especially since she brought up Fitz to try to get her out of the locker room, but Jemma wasn’t trusting her with her life before either.  The real last straw after all the self-hatred, all the anger she felt for Ward, all the assumptions the others made, the isolation, the inability to fix things with Fitz, and even Trip’s death and watching Raina slaughter her team in Porto Rico with her new powers, was realizing that Fitz had hidden Skye’s powers from her, expecting her to be capable of hurting their friend. It wasn't something she'd hold against Skye, at least not with anger, because she understood Skye was scared out of her mind, but it did make her doubt Skye's trust in her. 

Jemma believed she deserved many bad things, she believed she also deserved Fitz’s anger for leaving, for being the cause of his suffering and unable to make it better. But while she’d let anyone berate her over the things she had done, she refused to accept being seen as someone who could hurt one of her best friends, especially because ‘different’. Her concern had always been alien viruses, like the one that had infected her, and Skye’s potential death, not that Skye would be ‘different’. That, and it did start to feel like everyone beside May was closer to Fitz and mostly thought of her as part of the Fitz/Simmons duo.

And that’s what brought the canon divergence, because the music box cracked, and she started feeling all the anger, the need to attack and fight, the need to defend herself, while simultaneously giving up on proving she was worth of their friendship, giving up on trying to be better, to be good, and just start letting out some bitterness, some sarcasm. She started feeling she didn’t have a place in shield anymore, and didn’t get closer to Fitz through gossip and small attempts of reconciliation before and after the attack from the other faction of SHIELD, but kept distance and animosity. She still felt she deserved the anger over being the cause of his brain damage and the suffering after, but nothing else beside that.  She was far more aggressive with the other faction of shield, but May voiced her wish to protect her and gave Jemma a bit more will to stay and fight. After all, Skye was still out there and Jemma wasn’t giving up on her either.  Upon finding out that Skye’s powers were natural for her, that she was part alien, Jemma was at peace with her change.   Later on that day she tried to kill Ward and got Bakshi instead, and even tried to get Ward to shoot her. Fitz, not knowing the details, but with good intentions told her that it was okay if she couldn’t try to kill Ward, he wasn't able to really try kill him even if he wanted to either, it just meant they weren’t like him. And Jemma pointed out that she did try to kill him and was kicking herself for failing, the next bad things Ward did were going to be her responsibility. If anything, Fitz’s comforting words were a reminder that she was, in fact, not at all like Fitz and the rest of the team. At that point, she accepted that she was more than capable of killing and felt nothing about murdering Bakshi. She was different, and if she had stayed in the team it would likely because she could bring that to the table, and dirty her hands so that people like Fitz or Skye wouldn’t have to. Do what was needed, even when technically there were other options.   But she didn’t want to stay, because the team, minus May and Skye with their vocal support, and still in Skye’s case with some doubt about Skye’s feelings, felt like a team of strangers now. And she felt she was always going to be the bad guy to them, and worse, the kind of bad guy she actually wasn’t, as opposed to the one she had embraced being. 

But just as she meant to leave, she took a curious look at the Monolith and got transported to an alien planet. It was a new kind of hell (and while she had no hold backs, no intention of dating anyone, she wasn't the nicest to Will either so 'getting together' was still sparked by the need for some sort of comfort, only one month before leaving Maveth, and she wasn't in love with himb. But naturally cared enough to want to save him), and when she came back she was surprised to learn that Fitz had fought so hard to rescue her even with the bleak turn their friendship had taken - not so surprised that the others had given up even before finishing to follow all the leads. 

At first it was heartwarming, but the disconnection between the two of them, especially with the way she had changed, more to the point, less delicate, too tired to be anything but who she felt, was all too obvious. And the bitterness grew as she realized that the rest of the team seemed to be worrying more about Fitz’s feelings over her relationship with Will and harder personality than about her wellbeing, meaning once again she was seen in terms of how Fitz would be affected by what happened to her. She also expected Fitz to be waiting for his Jemma to come back, the one he fell in love with, and

she was too angry to see things any different, just thinking about wanting to leave a soon as possible and training.  But she stayed and fought to get Will back to Earth. Sadly Will had died saving her, as she found out after being tortured by Hydra and watching Fitz almost give his life for her again. And that was all too much, she needed to leave.

Now. And due to her intention of fighting Hydra, she still had her own little reunion with Will/Hive later on.

As soon as Daisy becomes Quake, after leaving SHIELD, Jemma is of course available to have her back if Daisy hasn't been antagonist with her by then. And even if she has, Jemma is likely to try to help her because she understands Daisy's reasons, even if she herself can lose her temper at times and feel frustrated by her former team. She also tried to find them after finding out the base had 'exploded' by the end of season 4, and managed to track down agent Piper eventually, who told her they had been trapped in a virtual reality program, came back, destroyed the bad guy behind it and disappeared again. Jemma knows they can take care of themselves so that was enough to make her walk away.

How and when they meet can change depending on how we plot threads.

Generally speaking, as much as she’s now a vigilante, and she hides behind a mask of 'bad guy trying to do the right thing’, she’s still Jemma Simmons, she still wants to save people, even if it means doing some morally questionable things to do so. May and Skye in particular are family, Fitz is a bittersweet old friend/former friend, and the team can be someone she’s very bitter about. A lot depends on the take rpers have on them. She’ll keep tabs on them and show up even if not thrilled about it to help. Characters from other fandoms can find her vigilanting, training to be even more lethal, using all sort of techs we know to be part of her world to help herself, and being extremely broken and tired of being who she is, but with no idea of where to start changing things, because every time she tries to do good, people suffer or die. 

A longer version of her bio, only needed if you want more details about what happened in season 2 of aos and how Jemma took it in this AU, otherwise go ahead and skip it.

season 1

And when she’s out of her element after starting a life of adventure, traveling around the world, and sees people die, is asked to be the medical doctor she doesn’t have the right personality to be, is asked to do things above her abilities or people’s deaths will be on her, watches her new best friend Skye nearly die despite her best attempts to patch her up, is infected by an alien virus and jumps off a plane to die and not take the team down with her and is rescued at the last second, is betrayed by a dear friend who drops her and Fitz in the ocean, where Fitz, her best friend, her other half, confesses is love and then gives her the one last bit oxygen left, almost dying and brought to surface by a Jemma who then learns he suffered of major brain damage over it, she puts everything in the box and keeps trying to help. She’s angry at Ward, homicidally so, and that’s okay because he betrayed them, everyone is. 

But everything else is locked up. 

season 2

Fitz is in pieces, he’s pushing himself too hard to prove Jemma he’s still good at what he does, but at first he can’t even speak, and Jemma learns very fast that she can’t help him, that everything she does to try to make things better, is making him feel worse. And her heart can’t take this. She’s traumatized, she’s alone in taking care of him because everyone in the team has their duties and they have to rebuild SHIELD, Fitz is frustrated and isn’t healing as fast as he should, possibly because she’s there doing too much for him while simultaneously not bringing him any comfort. 

So Jemma leaves, goes undercover in Hydra, something she’s not trained for. Does horrible things, knows she’s helping them hurt people, but is also saving so many by stealing information. And she’s hopefully helping Fitz, whom she’s told is okay.

And then she comes back at the base. She finds out Fitz told people he confessed her love and she bailed for that reason, and maybe that’s not the only version, other seems to have thought, including Fitz himself, that it’s his brain damage that drove her away, the fact that he’s 'useless’ as he puts it. Skye catches her crying and reminds her it’s okay to be angry. May still believes in her. But things with Fitz are fully broken, he felt abandoned and apparently most of the team did too. 

And then Skye is mostly gone, facing her own tragedies, Coulson is busy, just like May. Bobbi is new and friendly, but Jemma has problems trusting people. Mack is on Fitz’s side, and Hunter might be too, in a way that paints her as the new, unwanted element. Jemma is a bit jealous and a bit hurt, but also understands it’s all her fault, she hurt Fitz and she has no way to fix this. 

Fitz tells her he’s leaving to work with Mack, and then Trip dies. Jemma is alone in Porto Rico while the team is back at the base, dealing with the guilt of not protecting Trip from an alien threat, and watches Raina slaughter her team of scientists and escape, changed by the same alien object that has killed Trip and might have infected Skye. She comes home to check on her, speaks of potential dangers of a virus, of how she should have eradicated alien threats. Doesn’t know Skye was changed too - it would be different with her, of course, she’s a friend, she'sd just want to keep her healthy and safe. But Skye is scared, and Fitz thinks Jemma has changed too much and can’t be trusted, so they agree not to tell her.

When Jemma finds out, when she finds out that the person who knows her so well, and who wanted to believe in Ward until the very end, believed her capable of hurting Skye, her music box cracks. Things truly can’t be fixed between them either, it’s over. 

She has so many justifications and reasons for what she’s done and said, but it’s useless as well as impossible to let them out, and the resentment is growing day by day. Jemma wants Skye to know she’s safe with her, but after Skye is gone, to learn how to deal with the changes in her body, soon enough it turns out Bobbi and Mack weren’t really loyal to Coulson and it’s a whole new mess. 

Jemma doesn’t start any reconciliation with Fitz, she’s cold and avoids him as much as possible. She still comes up with the plan to protect the toolbox and send it away with Fitz, and after that she’s more actively aggressive against the other SHIELD. May told her she was trying to protect her, and Jemma clings to that, just like she clings to the few friendly interactions she’s still has had with Skye, because everything else just reminds her that she’s different and everyone else can see it too.  In the end they are all reunited - Skye is apparently an inhuman, her life is not at risk, and Jemma is relieved and has no more questions about her powers, at least none that are scared for her life - and Jemma tries to kill Ward with a splinter bomb. Fails because Bakshi stopped her and died for it, and tries to push Ward to kill her too. Why not, she failed again and she hates him too much to be scared.  Probably sensing her change of mood when she’s back, Fitz, despite their tense relationship, attempts to comfort her reminding her that not being able to push herself to kill Ward is good, he couldn’t do it either, they are not like him.  And that, while she recognizes it as the reassurance it is, just reminds Jemma that she’s worlds away from Fitz and people like him. Because she does have it in her to kill. Because she didn’t lose any sleep over murdering Bakshi, her first kill. Because she’s capable of anything to protect her friends, people she wants to keep safe, and out of revenge as well.  She tells Fitz she did try to kill Ward, she’s kicking herself she failed. She’s not hiding that part of her, she feels it’s time to accept it, to use it. She gave up on trying to become a better person, it only brings more pain, and she’s now letting all the resentment and the clashing feelings of frustration over unfair treatment and acceptance of her role of bad person come out.  She wants to leave, go help people away from the team, go hurt other bad guys like Hydra without having people who look at her like she might kill them next, but her curiosity over the monolith takes over and she’s taken to another planet right before she quits.

While she’s not planning to date Fitz, she’s not exactly the nicest most positive person when on Maveth, and her relationship with Will still doesn’t start until the last month, from her side more of a physical comfort than love; she still cares for him, doesn’t want someone else to die for her. Sadly, once home, while she almost reconnects with Fitz, she has the chance to notice more hurtful things, such as how there were still leads and yet the rest of the team gave up on finding her alive, or how the team is more focused on Fitz’s feelings and reactions over Will and what happened to her than they are about her. She still feels like an outsider, spends her time either trying to open the portal or training even if it’s too soon.  She’s then captured by Hydra, tortured, Fitz once again sacrifices himself for her and goes to Maveth; she frees Lash to help herself, finds out he killed innocent inhumans later, then that Will has died to save her, and is officially done with SHIELD. Too many negative feelings and she can tell she’s going to direct them to the team if she doesn’t get out of there. 

As much as she’s now a vigilante, and she hides behind a mask of 'bad guy trying to do the right thing’, she’s still Jemma Simmons, she still wants to save people, even if it means doing some morally questionable things to do so. May and Skye in particular are family, Fitz is a bittersweet old friend/former friend, and the team can be someone she’s very bitter about. A lot depends on the take rpers have on them. She’ll keep tabs on them and show up even if not thrilled about it to help. Characters from other fandoms can find her vigilanting, training to be even more lethal, using all sort of techs we know to be part of her world to help herself, and being extremely broken and tired of being who she is, but with no idea of where to start changing things, because every time she tries to do good, people suffer or die.