#im not even remotely joking
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So I know we here at Startrekfandom love that "came back wrong but from the pov of the wrong" thing and apply it to many different characters and canon situations and I am far from trying to complain about it (I'm "came out wrong" trope myself so I was always gonna obsess over it) but having recently watched a very important episode (you'll know which one) for the first time I think there's a character who hits both tropes mentioned but llike, intertwined, opposite and subverted, and whom I wanna talk about.
Julian Bashir.
From his parents' pov he's "came out wrong but we got him help and he came back better" while from his own pov it's "came out 'insufficient', was destroyed for it, came back wrong and only later slowly came to terms with his new self tho never the process (justifiably so)" and it's heartbreaking because in a way, he's right! Jules Bashir died! His parents had an intellectually disabled child and decided to eugenics him! Julian is not the person he used to be and while I do love the person he is now, that doesn't bring back who he was! Part of me wishes we could've gotten to see Jules at least once and part of me hopes we never do because my heart would shatter.
This isn't a good comparison but nonetheless one I can't help drawing: it's giving similar vibes to anti-vaxxers. "I'd rather risk having a child who is dead than one who's autistic". Obviously this doesn't map over since Julian is still autistic and the procedure his parents subjected him to specifically targeted his intellectual disability and if any folks with id wanna comment on this I definitely recommend you listen to them over me, but it's a similarity I, as an autistic who has encountered anti-vaxxers again and again, can't help but point out. "Give me a normal child or give them death."
This may have been written about already but there needs to be stories about teenage Julian (after finding out and rediscovering who he was) practicing some good ol' recognition of the self through media. I need to hear about how he would encounter a story about someone who came back wrong (I'm gonna assume there's plenty of "wrong" pov stories floating around by the 24th century) and absolutely weep. I need to see Julian mourning Jules, taking years and years to process his feelings, experiencing guilt about how he, the imposter, didn't deserve to live Jules' life.
Came back wrong from the returned's pov but it wasn't an accident. It was done to you deliberately by the people who claim to love you. And now you are here, piloting the corpse of your predecessor.
Jules Bashir is dead. Long live Julian Bashir.
#i've called julian jules before simply as a normal nickname but i don't think i ever will again. not after this#and knowing that if it had been possible i would have probably gone the way jules did. knowing that at his age i would have gone willingly.#fuck dude i am literally actually crying literal tears irl right now this is not a joke#fuck!!!!!#julian bashir#jules bashir#doctor bashir i presume#came back wrong#star trek deep space nine#HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD!! HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD AND THEY KILLED HIM!!!!#i cannot stop crying i am literally crying and like not even just a little#i cannot... poor julian how the FUCK do you ever come to terms with something like that#and like... julian remembers. he has most if not all of jules' memories and also knows he was murdered simply for not being julian#like how did he cope#(im about to go off on a tangent that will contain censored names for the sake of not clogging those tags if you dont know who i mean hmu)#like this is literally the thing that fucked up j*ran so bad he went on a murder spree isn't it#he remembers the one who came before who was killed. very different circumstances of course esp since tr*ll are expected to replace one ano#another but he remembers this person he remembers BEING this person who was young and simply enjoying life and who died a sudden death and#he remembers the experience of that death as well and how it lead to his own creation. it's not remotely similar ofc but considering that#the only time we see t*rias in alpha canon is in julian's body... i need to lie down for a moment.#and jor*n couldn't cope! he couldn't! it was far too much and the weird thing is right now in this moment i GET it y'know?? like that's#so horrific. and i haven't watched any jo*an episode besides facets yet but do you think. do you think j*dzia told julian about all this an#he nodded along and kept composure and then when he was alone he broke down crying? like julian you're doing SO well ily you're coping and#you shouldn't have to obviously but you do nonetheless!! do you think julian still has something from jules? like i've heard there's a tedd#but i mean jules prolly didn't keep a diary he was a six year old with an intellectual disability it's pretty unlikely he could write but#does julian have drawings made by jules? i'd like to think so but honestly his parents probably threw them out. like they also moved so#sorry i'm just. many thoughts head full. ive stopped crying now but who knows for how long. also i'll have to tag this with my original tag#maybe i should've picked something less silly for when i make serious posts but like what am i gonna change my url as well? don't think so#original posts fresh from quark's pussy#and thats the tag limit folks it's been fun. i had to delete two other tags but my god. anyway. thinking about jules bashir forever & cryin
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Some more backgrounds from the buggy project :D!!
pretty proud of these ngl, comfort zone colors <3<3<3
bonus lil guys :D 🪲!!!!
#my art#nature#flowers#homework tag#they give me such a nostalgic vibe idk why :´)#anyways besties pray for me pls this is not even remotely a joke#i was supposed to turn this thing in yesterday and im still not done AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#shut up sheo
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i need to draw sparks bleeding out but its 12:30 and i have school in like 6 hrs. someone do my work for me /silly
#sky rambles#[off string]#i think a spear to the chest would fix her . i think beind dragged down to a mortal level and bleeding and having to recover would fix her#im only half joking about this like.#sigh.#the blue would look so good on her palleteee#sigh . i wish dune [cheston oc] was anywhere remotely near bh. i love when women fight#but yeah. sparks girl you are falling into the same unhelpful trend of devaluing those around you/younger than you and#shouldering all the weight even though it kills you. shes fucking doing it again#i need her to be severely injured and be forced to rely on people the way she lets others rely on her for once#her friends really do love and care about her. she just doesn't see it.#sorry this got really rambly#read my tags boy#oc tag: countless swirling sparks#story tag: off string bh
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Miami post race interview
Daniel: "Ah, so, yeah. It's- obviously after a tough race, obviously it's physical and that- you obviously work hard and you'd love to [clears throat] come home with something but uh- it is what it is and- I don't know if there is a theory with heat but I sound like I'm losing my voice- thats kinda weird I think I need some water"
so. let me get this straight. mclaren decided to save weight by reducing the water capacity during the most physically demanding race in 2 years. in Florida. where it's hot and humid and everyone was comparing the climate to Singapore. ok!
#this team is so irremediably stupid i cant even joke about it im sorry. this isnt even remotely funny not with the long history of ed in f1#and the worrying things daniel has said about it.#I'm seeing red.#f1#daniel ricciardo#tw ed mention
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anons crazy 4 this one im not sorry. like truly calling it a ZERO out of TEN arc. u must be crazy im not sorry
#listen im a ctommy swords and shields and i dont Love how he's portrayed in a lot of fanon#but the idea that it made the server WORSE. and that it was a 0/10 arc is act crazy . like truly the exile arc was gen really great like i#gen think it was . so well done#also to say that it wasn't worth the discourse surrounding it.#girl its minecraft roleplay. theres gonna be stupid discourse no matter what. like truly#name one arc or even one singular at least mildly popular server that doesn't have stupid asf discourse#like OBVIOUSLY people were dumb about it. that doesnt mean it shouldnt exist.#like the idea of saying that a huge narrative arc shouldnt exist because some audience members couldnt handle it correctly.#like okay sure lets never talk abt anything even remotely nuanced ever again in media. that will fix it.#like ofc some people handled the exile arc poorly. people can't even handle rose quartz#.hellwurld#dsmp#tommyinnit#exile arc#discourse#maybe#idk#im not saying that anon is stupid btw im just saying that im smarter /JOKE.#whatever its the dsmp its fandom its fine that we have differing opinions just know that im right and youre wrong
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on god at this point im just gonna need yt to stop trying to recommend me projmoon stuff.
#YES im hard fixated on it. NO i do not want u to keep reccing me streamers playing with clickbait titles and thumbnails. ill kill y#piktalk#projmoon#like not to be a little prick abt it but just had a 'why is yan so popular?' vid like ! that could be an interesting point of analysis yeah#videotitle 'why do people simp for yan?' Hammers. Killing You With Hammers.#like. option 1: clickbait title with buzzwords to draw attention. deflecting from the genuineness and obfuscating the actual point-#-in favor of presenting a shallow image on an otherwise serious subject.#option 2: its 100% seriously actually titled that and i do not even Remotely want to hear what That would sound like#like. i hate sounding like a pretentious asshole but also if i have t hear any disingenuous irony poisoned jokes abt Thing I Like-#-im instantly entering contempt mode. ok? ok. hammers. be nice.
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nothing like hanging out with new coworkers and finding out their number one brand of humor is just Racism 🙃
#or any other brand of ism#vent ahead#like i can tell that none of them are doing it in hate but fucking hell it's annoying me#its so much 'edgy middle schooler humor' like just trying to say the worst thing to get a reaction#nothing ive heard was even remotely clever#not that that would make it okay but it's like DAMN okay so you're racist and lazy#sorry for the rant im just annoyed and dreading this being the work environment all the time#my job has a reputation for being edgy on purpose but at the last location it wasn't like this#it was just roasting each other or making murder jokes#i feel like this takes it too far and for literally no reason but to try and get a cheap reaction#and it's also disheartening because i loved joking around with coworkers at the last place but i refuse to play along with this bs#and im not sure if i can bring it up without being labelled a wet blanket and basically becoming ostracized so uh#guess ill just take the slow route and not ever laugh or pretend i don't get it so they have to uncomfortably explain the joke#not whump#rant post
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For the ask game: 1, 10, 13, 42
1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?
Coffe mugs, the sillier the better. My current favorites are my van gogh cat mug and my freak in the (google) sheets mug. Fill them with tea tho
10. game you were best at in p.e.?
Despite doing every sport known to man as a child, I was TERRIBLE at p.e. I did, however, LOVE kickball rounders. Especially when they brought the huge mats out for the bases.
13. lanyard or key ring?
Key ring. Preferably with a very subtle decoration, it's gotta sit flat in my pocket
42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?
Pants pockets. I have 5 things I need with me for a day at work and each has an assigned pants pocket. Headphones in the left front, keys and lip balm in the right front, ect ect
Thanks for the ask! I love these sort of everyday casual questions, it's the sort of thing I don't really think about until asked.
#yay yay asks#im not even remotely joking about how many sports i did as a kid. so so so many#also ive heard kickball rounders is a canadian thing? not sure tho#petit talks
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watching that terrible mexican episode of the great british baking show and my mother in law legit shuffles to the kitchen to whip out her old af mexican cook book to prove there's plenty of legit baking recipes they could've done if they weren't such racist twats.
#tgbbs#the great british baking show#mexican week#like its not even remotely difficult to find a diversity of actual baked goods that are culturally mexican#and not just....taco challenge#anyways#not that making actual baked goods takes away from the maracas adn terrible jokes but still#you're telling me you've ignored mexican wedding cookies??????#or polvorones???#like bruh first the terrible hispanic heritage month comic book covers that only featured food and now this#im so done
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damn i've completely maxed out all of my stats aside from hp so now i don't get any of the stat buffs from using emeras except from the green ones 😶
#bwark#also i'm one shotting everything even in the super difficult dungeons#one of my problems while 100%ing rtdx is that i became too powerful so the game wasn't even remotely a challenge anymore and now i've done#the exact same thing here. i still have like 70 pokemon left for my orb#and i still stand by that i really don't think psmd is as hard as people make it out to be but now im just making it out to be a joke#i literally haven't even done any of the legendary challenges aside from cobalion i am going to destroy them
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literally everyone: earthlings is a very heavy, weird read. trigger warnings for everything. no, seriously
me, having read all those posts: wow I can't believe how dark and heavy and incredibly fucked up this book is
#im on page 59#i have Dead Dove'd myself#gonna persevere tho#also this book is feeding my Mommy Issues whoops#my mom was nowhere as bad as the mom in the book but uh#The Feeling of Doing Everything Right ans Still Not Having Your Parent Believe You're An Even Remotely Competent Human#at least i can look back and go 'ha! it wasn't me after all! she was delusional!!'#i shouldn't joke about that but dark humor is all i have rn
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BABE WAKE UP HALF-CROP LORE JUST DROPPED
#the sun vanished#thesunvanished#half-crop#red strobe#its kinda funny how this post was made like the second i made that post abt half-crop lmao#jokes aside the drawing seems to be of dead person (possibly one of his parents) and his interpretation of a strobe#which is sad but at least we now know what happened to him#also how tf is he so good at drawing bro like I've been drawing for 10 years and im not even remotely close to that skill level tf 😭#theseus
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loveeeeeeee when my one very spoilt flatmate says some shit about how she treats her mum/how she talks to her mum and me and my other flatmate just look at each other for a silent moment and both just go 'no id be dead'
#like flatmate no.1 is the spoilt one and ive known her as well as flatmate no.2 since not just first year but FRESHERS#like these are my uni 4lifers we've known each other since the first two weeks flatmate no.2 i met on my first DAY#so it's quite funny bc ive SEEN flatmate no.1 change her atittude over time#and i think it's a joint effort of being exposed to different people at uni#and also bc ive just beaten her down every time she says something even remotely ignorant/spoilt#like i normally wouldnt give myself that much credit for a single person's character arc but flatmate no.2 BARELY saw us last year#and me and flatmate no.1 were basically joint at the hip so it was a proximity thing more than me just being super cool and inspiring#so basically what im getting at is that in first year she was sooooo shamelessly spoilt#and it was so clear she just had never hung out with people who WERENT spoilt#and nowadays she's v good at letting herself be the butt of the joke and she still gets iffy about dumb shit#but generally speaking she takes what we give her now whereas she used to ARGUE and that boiled my fucking blood#and it means we can talk more easily about these things and one thing that comes up A LOT is the difference in parenting#like i shit you not this girl uses a baby voice on her parents. it's actually uncomfortable#me however i was raised with a bloody mercenary whose genuine worst insult for us was to call us middle class LMAO#like my mum put tough love into the dictionary her VERBATIM catchphrase is 'fall in or fuck off'#and flatmate no.2 is ESTRANGED from her mum and has a very on-off relationship with her dad that has all round left her very independent#like for her there was no one there to spoil her and for me the person that was there would literally have rather died than have spoilt kid#so flatmate no.1 will say some bratty shit and me and flatmate no.2 are just there like??? are you fucking deranged???#the example that caused this post is that flatmate no.1's mum went into her room#and she was like '.... it smells like weed in here darling....' and my flatmate POINTED AT HER WEED AND WENT 'YEAH THAT'S WHY'#and she was telling us as a haha funny and i was like. THE DISRESPECT?#like my mum would be less angry about the weed than she was about the fact i didnt even respect her enough to hide it if that makes sense#she'd fucking clobber me id be out on the bloody street LMAO#spoilt kids and/or pushover parents just baffle me like i have never won a fight against my mum what are you even doing#'why didn't you do [rebellious thing] as a kid' BITCH I WAS SCARED LMFAO#hella goes to uni
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im so serious that more rpgs need to just have a game full of offputting weirdos with their own individual diseases. it makes it SO fun
#twist rambles#sorry like. cohlune every disease haver its kind of insane to me.#♟#<- due to that being what i made the post about.#like cohlune (who is a king) goes not even remotely in disguise into the woods next to a weird cave meets the most autistic guy (shalvas)#and hes like wow ok cool. im gonna chastise you for ignoring my question and be gone after ur done fighting. but i think of u VERY highly.#shalvas does NTO realize hes a king. so is jsut like huh ok whatever. and then u do another mission in his kingdom and he has a soldier#fetch shalvas and bring him into talk. and cohlune is like hiii i think ur sooo cool and talented i spent over 1000g just to see you work.#and shalvas is over there like. oh. you have an important position in this kingdom (he cannot pick up any social cues to save his life. eve#tho his coworker was talking abt who cohlune was after the first mission in EARSHOT of shalvas). and cohlune just like brushes it off by#joking and keeps praising shalvas like crazy. also important to note that cohlune has a habit of faking falling asleep mid convo except we#are never really made clear IF its faking. but he can still hear shalvas and it makes shalvas so fucking confused when he pulls this shit.#hes literally such a fascinating guy to me.
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you would think my gay ass would have come up with an xxxholic idol au by now but i havent
which is hilarious because i totally unintentionally gave two of my idol ocs douwata dynamic lite
#lots of my creative decisions strike me organically so i often dont realise theres inspiration until way later#its part of why its fun but also im terrified of songwriting and have had that fear justified before#but also in this case it wasnt even remotely on purpose cause when i was outlining their dynamic in my head#believe it or not it came from the thought exercise of 'if i were the protagonist what kind of person would i misunderstand at first#and then slowly realise i fucked up and theyre totally my type/would call me out on my bullshit/have a secret hidden side#shouldve realised this would happen because i joke about being a watanuki kinnie for a reason LMAO#anyway hatena + hibiki have their own unique vibe and are very fun idol rivals to lovers#ironically hibiki is the designated cat character#theyre genderfluid so they have catboy and catgirl priveleges#anyway#i actually dont have ideas for what i just wrote above yet but i sure have a massive list of idol fits i want to draw the cast in
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