#im developing an actual style instead of whatever was convenient and cheap!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

paranoidblue · 10 months

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On the verge of tears in the kitchen atm cos I'm cooking risotto, listening to muse and snacking on frozen peas and I'm having a personal revelation where my central sense of self feels a bit more solidified

#like obvs im a person but for quite a few years (read: 12-27) I've not actually felt like anything other than a construct?#like I lost my hobbies #i had nothing i cared about #i kinda became whatever was easiest/whatever i was into at the time but never anything that was more solid #was just kinda existing #but now! i have hobbies #im reading again #i took up embroidery!#im developing an actual style instead of whatever was convenient and cheap!!#and im still listening to muse 15 years later #so even though ive changed and grown I haven't forgotten who I was #revisiting all my old fandoms over the pandemic has helped cos now i understand where my personality came from #and now im myself but with purpose #i have a center to return to #i was here all along i just needed to heal enough to find me #sorry for the sap im just having a moment #rant post #kinda?

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