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reidamancy · 4 years

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too late || spencer reid

summary: Spencer and you never got closure after you broke up. But hidden feelings and confessions reveal themselves when you’ve been abducted. Now Spencer is forced to analyze a voicemail you left for him to try and save you before it’s too late. (spencer reid x fem!reader)

category: angst

warnings: s2 spoilers, kidnapping, knife and gun usage, slight mentions of blood and drugs, plot holes, probably incorrect medical info

word count: 4.4k

a/n: this is my very first cm fic, and I’m completely new to the fandom so I hope there are still people out there who read cm fics lol

MASTERLIST

(part one | part two)

Spencer’s POV

“Spencer?” Her voice breathed shakily through the voicemail.

Y/N. I recognized her voice immediately. For a split second I was filled with bliss just from the sound of her voice, but my heart dropped when I recognized the terror laced in her words.

She paused for a bit before continuing. “Hi, it’s me. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear from me right now,” She choked on a sob, but little did she know that was furthest from the truth. “But I didn’t know who else to call.” Another pause.

I leaned forward in my seat, resting my arms on my desk while listening intently to the message.

“I... I’m in trouble Spencer. I don’t know who he is. He took me from my car and brought me here. He made me call you because he knows,” She took a deep breath before letting out a sob. “He knows you will never save me in time.” By now, her voice came out as a squeak. My breath caught in my throat as my worst nightmare came true.

“No, Spencer, wait, please listen to me.” I shut my eyes and exhaled. I pinched the bridge of my nose; she must have had to pretended I answered the phone, and I wasn’t there when she needed me most.

She sniffled on the phone and continued.

“I don’t know how much time I have left... So I guess this is goodbye Spencer...” I felt my heart shatter as tears pricked my eyes.

“When we met, I knew exactly where I was in life. But you, you changed that. You taught me so much, Spencer. I remember all the games we'd play when you were home.” Y/N paused as she left out a sigh. A sad smile crept on my face as I recalled our shared competitive nature and the countless games that sprung from it. I could only imagine her expression mirroring my own as she spoke. “You'd always win but I guess that's what happens when you play against Dr. Reid. I still think you forgot two dozen names just to let me win.” She let out a dry laugh.

“The last time I saw you was on our anniversary, June 6. 9:30 on the dot. And then you abandoned me Spencer, you left me alone in the big, cold world.” She took a breath and I let out a small gasp when I heard the sound of a gun cocking in the background.

“I told myself I'd never forgive you, but the truth is I already have. I can't leave without you knowing that. Please save me, Spencer.” She whispered the last line before the phone was yanked out of her hands, evident by the small yelp and shuffling I heard, and the voicemail ended with a low growl saying, “You’ll never get here in time.”

The voicemail ended and the fear I felt from before melted into rage. I knew exactly what I had to do. Phone in hand, I marched straight into Hotch’s office.

Reader’s POV

The man snatched the phone out of my hands and quickly hung up on the call before redirecting his gun at me. He had it pointed at me the entire call and cocked it once he was getting impatient.

The worst part was he didn’t bother to hide his face. He had bound my arms and legs together, but never blinded me. I knew exactly where I was and who he was, which only meant one thing: I wasn’t getting out of here alive.

My abductor shot at the ground and I let out a scream. “That was a bit long now, wasn’t it?” He sneered.

“You’re gonna kill me! I had to say goodbye properly!” I sobbed.

It was partly true. What he didn’t know, however, was the fact that I had an FBI agent for an ex-boyfriend, and a genius one at that. I haven’t spoken to him in months, but I prayed that he would understand the hidden clues I left in the voicemail. I hated how this was our first interaction since our breakup, but I needed him now more than ever.

I’ve wanted to call him countless times; it’s almost ironic that it took a literal kidnapping for me to finally do so. In the wake of our breakup, I found myself completely miserable. I missed everything about him, and I caught myself staring at his phone number on my screen numerous times, contemplating if I should actually call him or not. I wanted to, I really wanted to. I wanted to tell him how much I missed his voice, his touch, his love. But every happy memory we had would then be overshadowed by stronger memories of him snapping at me, being repulsed by my touch, and his mood swings. So I never got the courage to push the dial button.

It was a never ending cycle. I’d want to call him; perhaps I wanted to try to fix things one more time. I knew something was wrong, maybe I could have done more to help him. But then I would realize I couldn’t help him unless he let me. So I’d always end up deleting the digits on my screen and hope he was doing okay. But days later I’d find myself punching in those exact digits once again, only to delete them minutes later. In time, I had memorized his number by heart, which is why it was almost instinctive to dial him today.

The fact that he was an FBI agent was the last thing on my mind when I pushed call. I just needed him, I needed Spencer. It felt wrong, after months without speaking I thought we had both moved on. But he was the first person I thought of when given an instrument to cry for help. And as soon as I heard his voicemail, as soon as I heard his voice, I realized I needed more than Dr. Reid. I needed Special Agent Reid.

I tried to remember everything I could from the few times Spencer would talk to me about his cases. If I could understand this unsub like he and his team could, maybe I could survive. But the more I remembered, the quicker I realized my chances of survival were slim. He’s way too confident for me to have been his first victim. He gave me the freedom to call whoever I wanted and say whatever I wanted, and he wouldn’t have done that if he knew he wouldn’t get caught. So the phone call must be part of his signature, but why? Why give that much freedom to his victims at all? Maybe he just likes to hear the pain in our voices when we say goodbye.

No, it has to be more than that. Right before I dialed Spencer, the man told me, “Make sure they answer.” And that’s when it hit me. He must take pleasure in knowing his victim’s loved ones are aware of what’s happening but can’t save them. He’s stripping them of their power to help, to save, their loved ones. I hope that isn’t the case for me. I didn’t want to call Spencer (okay, maybe deep down in my heart, I did), because he made it very clear he wanted nothing to do with me. But if anyone could save me, it was Spencer Reid.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when my abductor leaned in front of me, his putrid breath fanning over my face. I noticed his gun was now in his holster and one of his hands was behind his back. He slowly pulled it out to reveal a knife and he placed the blade against my arm. I winced as he put pressure against my skin, but not enough to draw blood.

“Now that... what was his name? Spencer?” He let out a low chuckle. “Now that Spencer knows you’re here, he’ll try to save you.” The unsub slowly dragged the knife up my arm, still not breaking the skin, and I let out a whimper.

“He’ll tell the police, but they’ll be too late.” He taunted. “They always are.”

The man now used his knife to push hair out of my face. “While we wait... Let’s have some fun.” He sunk the knife into my shoulder and I let out a scream.

Spencer’s POV

As the case was presented to the team, I was paralyzed in my seat with the voicemail replaying over and over again in my head.

It’s me. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear from me right now.

I’ve been wanting to hear her voice for months, and when I finally do it’s because she was abducted. Even worse, she’s apologetic that she even has to call me. As if she’d ever have to apologize for speaking to me...

“Reid?” Hotch’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

I looked up at him and he repeated himself. “Will you analyze the voicemail for clues on Y/N’s location?”

I silently nodded. He turned to JJ and whispered to her to stay with me. Everyone then dispersed to do everything they could to bring Y/N back.

“Kid, who is this?” Morgan stayed behind and questioned me.

“Hm?” I questioned innocently.

“Look, she could have called anyone in the world, but she called you. And you obviously care for her or else you wouldn’t be so quiet right now. So who is she?” Derek displayed concern in his eyes.

I let out a sigh. JJ took a seat in front of me and Morgan leaned against the table. My eyes were fixated on my hands, which were in my lap. “Her name’s Y/N. She was the one who got away.” I heard my voice crack, but I didn’t care. JJ and Morgan looked at me with sorrow as they listened to me open up about the love of my life.

“I met her at the library. She saw I was checking out a book about physics and she gushed about how it was her favorite subject. We went on for 20 minutes talking about the subject, and then she asked me out for coffee.” I bit my lip.

“We started dating for a few months and everything was perfect. She didn’t mind my work schedule, and she listened to all my rambles. Sometimes she even had some facts of her own to add.” I recalled all the times Y/N would add to my fact spews instead of shutting me down, and I couldn’t stop the smile resulted from the memories. “She was perfect. In every way.”

I took a deep breath as my love story took a sour turn. “But then I... I started to push her away. After Tobias Hankel I pushed everyone away, but Y/N got it the worst. I was a horrible boyfriend, but she never gave up on me. She never knew why I was acting that way, but eventually I pushed her too far. We broke up because she thought I hated her. But I don’t. I never did.” I trailed off, remembering fragments of the last fight we had. I cringed as I remembered how broken her voice was, and how I continued to tear her down. I wasn’t in my right mind. If I could go back, I’d never let her leave that door. But in hindsight, I don’t blame her for leaving.

I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks as Morgan rubbed my shoulder. JJ got up and hugged me. She lowered her face towards me and said, “We’re gonna save her, Spence. And when we do, you’re gonna tell her all of this.” She flashed me a kind smile.

“After I got off dilaudid, I realized I lost her, so I tried to get her back. I wanted to surprise her, so I went to the cafe we went to the day we met, and I saw her there. She was there with another guy... She had already moved on and I was too late. I never got to apologize to her.”

I didn't want to meddle in Y/N's new relationship. She had every right to move on. So I tried to as well. But it didn't hurt any less, especially since I never got to explain myself to her. I had accepted the fact that Y/N had moved on from me, but her voicemail gave me an ounce of hope. In the direst of circumstances I was the one she called. Perhaps it was because of my job, but I let myself hope that maybe I misread the situation. That man could have been a friend. And I could still have a chance.

But hope is a dangerous thing.

“Reid, I know this is hard. We all want to get Y/N back safe, but you’re the only one who can understand what she’s trying to tell us here. Think you can focus?” Morgan wanted to make sure my head was clear enough to analyze Y/N’s message. The truth was, I wasn’t sure.

But I nodded and played the voicemail again.

“June 6?” I repeated once the voicemail ended.

“Is that when the two of you met?” Morgan asked.

“No, that date doesn’t have any significance to us at all. June 6, 9:30? Why would she say that?” I wondered out loud as I wrote 6/6, 9:30 on the board.

“Can you play it again?” I asked JJ.

When we met, I knew exactly where I was in life.

“There right there, pause.” I knew that was a lie. “When we met, she was a graduate student but she didn’t know what to study. I helped her with that.”

“Okay, so she knows you can catch onto her lies. What is she trying to tell us?” JJ wondered out loud.

It was then that I realized what Y/N was doing. “This entire call is full of lies. She knew I’d catch onto them, but I don’t know what she’s saying.”

Morgan jumped in, “Okay, so if you catch all of her lies, we’ll decode the message.” I nodded as JJ pressed play and I wrote down all the lies in the voicemail.

By the end of the call, my board looked like this:

6/6, 9:30

“knew where I was in life”

winning game - 2 dozen names?

“Okay, so what does this all mean, Reid?” Morgan asked.

I stared at the board, trying to make a connection. “I don’t know...” I mumbled. I knew Y/N was trying to tell me something, and if I could figure it out I could save her. The thought gave me enough confidence to analyze her diction. “But did you hear the end of the call? She said I left her alone in the ‘big, cold world.’ It’s odd that she would describe it like that.”

“So she’s somewhere big and cold?” JJ chimed in.

“Probably...” I answered as I added to the board.

“What about abandoned? Is that describing where she is or is this actually about your relationship?” Morgan asked.

“I don’t think she would use 'abandoned' to describe our relationship...” I bit my lip. I wouldn’t say I abandoned her, but I couldn’t help but wonder if that was how she actually felt. I cleared my throat. “That’s probably where she is. Big, cold, and abandoned.”

“So what are we thinking, warehouse?” JJ inputted.

Morgan nodded. “Okay, we’re getting somewhere. So does that mean when she said she knew exactly where she was in life, she meant she actually knew exactly where she was taken?”

“What about the game she talked about? What does that mean?” JJ asked.

“I never let her win any games, she insisted we both play fair and square.” I tried to think back to all the games we played. “She mentioned names... There was only one where we used names,” I held back a smile. “We were trying to see who would be the first to name all the U.S. presidents.”

Morgan and JJ looked at each other. “Why am I not surprised.” Morgan let out a small chuckle.

“But you forgot two dozen names?” JJ questioned.

“Two dozen is specific... and Reid doesn’t forget.” Morgan thought out loud.

I tried to remember more about the game. “I won that game. I was the first to put down my pencil and she teased me for it. But she wanted to finish her list so I’d give her clues to who she forgot... But there was one name she just couldn’t remember.”

“Two dozen... Did it happen to be the 24th president?” JJ wondered.

I let out a small smile. Clever girl. “Yeah, it was Grover Cleveland. The 24th president.”

I now looked at my new board, filled with new information.

6/6, 9:30

“knew where I was in life” am

winning game - 2 dozen names? ➝ Cleveland!

big, cold

abandoned

warehouse?

My head was swirling, trying to make sense of what Y/N gave me. My eyes darted up and down the board, trying to see her message. She knew where she was. She gave me a name, numbers...

“I got it!” I yelled. “It’s an address. She knew exactly where she was and she was trying to tell us! June 6, 9:30? 66930. Where’s Garcia? I bet there’s an abandoned building at 66930 Cleveland Street.”

Morgan raced out of the room to grab Garcia. Moments later she rushed into the room with her laptop and I hurriedly asked her, “Garcia, what is at 66930 Cleveland Street?”

Her fingers blazed across the keyboard then she shook her head. “No, I can’t find that address.”

JJ leaned towards the monitor. “Try Cleveland Road?”

Garcia shook her head once again, “Sorry my sweets, there’s no 66930 Cleveland Road either.”

She continued to clack at her keyboard, and moments later she lit up and said, “Wait, I see an abandoned warehouse at 6693 Cleveland Road!”

“It was probably easier for Y/N to use time to disguise the numbers, even if it added another digit...” I thought out loud.

Morgan rushed over to her computer as I felt my body fill up with hope. “What can you tell us about it, baby girl?” He asked.

“It was previously owned by a man named Hubert Roffkins, but then the trail ends 2 months ago. It looks like it was abandoned then, and oh dear.”

“What is it?” Morgan pushed.

“Hotch asked me to look into similar abductions with phone calls ending with murder.”

I swallowed harshly. “And?” I asked.

“The dates coincide with the first kidnapping.”

“Let’s go.” Morgan commanded.

Third Person POV

Hubert Roffkins had stabbed Y/N for the seventh time by the time the FBI got to the scene. He was cornered and surrounded by agents, he knew there was no way out of this. As he reached for his gun, Agent Hotchner fired a single shot to the head and Roffkins was dead before he hit the ground.

Y/N was still conscious when the agents came. She was surrounded by her own blood and dizzy with pain, but she knew once she saw those FBI vests, she’d be okay. She wasn’t sure what was happening, but she heard a gunshot and saw a pair of converse running towards her. Her vision was blurring, but she didn’t need it to identify the figure who picked her up off the ground and held her face. He kept telling her to stay with him, but she couldn’t hear him. Her vision focused on his face for one second and she smiled at the familiar face. “Spencer,” she whispered, so faint he could barely hear her.

“I’m here, Y/N, I’m here.” He cried, holding her closer to him.

Her vision blurred once more and she let the darkness succumb her.

Spencer rode in the ambulance with her, and he would not let go of her hand the entire way to the hospital. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, wondering what could have been if he’d arrived just a few moments earlier.

Once in the hospital, it took an army of nurses to separate Spencer from Y/N. He couldn’t let her out of his sight, too scared of losing her again. So he settled on sitting outside her room while the doctors operated on her.

The rest of the BAU team met him at the hospital. They exchanged glances and sighs, unable to help their youngest teammate. No matter how they tried to comfort him, his mind was fixated on the well-being of his lost love.

The doctor emerged from Y/N’s room and Spencer immediately sat up.

“Her vitals are stable and he missed the major organs. She will be incredibly sore, but she’s gonna make it.” The doctor announced.

Spencer smiled. “Can I see her?” He asked.

The doctor nodded, warning him that she was still sleeping and she will be very tired.

Spencer walked into the room and sighed. He hated seeing her like this. She was pale, and she looked so fragile. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and hold her forever.

He took a seat next to her bed and grabbed her hand. His thumb traced small circles on the back of her hand while he studied her face. Finally, after months of being apart, he was finally here with her. He was both relieved and terrified, knowing that once she woke up, she would have his entire heart in her hands.

“Hey, Y/N.” He whispered, his voice coming out broken. He cleared his throat and continued.

“I uh, I got your voicemail.” His voice cracked and he let out a sad smile. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. But you did so good. I understood, Y/N. I remembered everything.” His voice cracked and tears were welling up in his eyes, but he continued. “You’re so strong. I’m so proud of you.” His voice was now barely above a whisper.

Spencer stopped for a moment to compose himself. It was the moment he had been waiting for. Y/N was right in front of him and all of his emotions were overwhelming. He had to tell her right now. Even if she couldn’t hear him; he needed the practice. Because the words have been bottled up for so long, and now that she was right in front of him, he felt like he was going to burst. But he just didn’t know where to start.

“Y/N, I don’t know if you can hear me, but I really need to tell you something, and I can’t wait any longer.” Spencer let out a sigh and stared at her hand in his. “I’ve been wanting to talk to you for months, and I-I need to let the words out before I lose my confidence.” Spencer swallowed thickly. “Or I don’t know, maybe you can hear me. Studies have shown that...” He trailed off. He was rambling.

Spencer let out a deep sigh and brought his eyes back to Y/N’s face. “Y/N... You were the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I can’t believe I let you go.” He gave her hand a squeeze. “You were right, you know. Something did happen to me on a case. But I didn’t want to bring you into the evil that corrupts my world, so I kept you in the dark. But then it got out of hand... It became less about shielding you and more about protecting myself.” Spencer licked his lips and lowered his eyes again. He felt ashamed. Had it not been for his own pride, perhaps Y/N would still be in his life. Maybe he could have even prevented this. But he let out a shaky breath and continued.

“I was abducted and tortured by a man named Tobias Hankel. He had multiple personalities. So when he wasn’t torturing me, he was giving me painkillers. It was dilaudid.” Spencer shook his head as the memories of his abduction came back to him.

“I... I became addicted, Y/N. I knew I needed help. But I wanted to prove I was strong. I wanted to prove that I could bounce back and show that I could handle it. But I couldn’t.” By now, the young doctor was crying. He continued through his sobs. “I guess I... I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it on my own, so I pushed everyone away, Y/N. Not just you. And I know that doesn’t make it better, but you were never the problem, Y/N. It was me.”

Spencer looked at Y/N’s face and rubbed circles on her hand. “I know there’s no way you could have known that, but I don’t want you blaming yourself for what happened between us. And I know what you would say if you were awake right now. I know what I did was wrong. I realized that you would never see me as weak for this, but in that moment I've never felt so weak. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

Hot tears streamed down the Spencer’s face as he continued. “I’ve been sober for half a year now. I’ve been sober ever since we broke up. And I know drugs don’t excuse how I acted towards you, but I just needed you to know,” Spencer held onto Y/N’s hand tighter. “I never stopped loving you.”

As the young doctor spilled his heart out to his love, the words he spoke never reached their recipient. Y/N laid in deep slumber, unaware of Spencer’s confession as he sat next to her. She would stay in her comatose-like condition until the next day, never to hear the truth behind the end of her and Spencer’s relationship.

Because when Y/N awoke, Spencer had gone to get his morning cup of coffee from the hospital’s cafeteria. He had spent the entire night sleeping by her side, desperate to be the first person she saw when she woke up. By the time he returned, fits of giggles were emerging from Y/N’s room.

Spencer’s heart fluttered as he heard her laughter echo in his ears. She was finally awake, and he could finally get his confession off his conscience. All he had to do was repeat the words he had said the night before, this time to active ears.

But the words were caught in his throat once more, because when Spencer entered Y/N’s room, he was met with two sets of eyes instead of one. Y/N had lit up and exclaimed, “There’s the man who saved my life!” Her excitement and smile still brought butterflies to Spencer’s stomach. But they quickly disappeared when she spoke her next sentence, confirming Spencer’s fears.

“Spencer, I want you to meet Connor. My boyfriend.” She gestured to the man sitting next to her. Spencer had recognized him immediately, he was the man he saw Y/N with at the cafe.

Spencer’s stomach dropped and his heart broke once again.

He was too late.

---

read part two here!

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degrassi-fanatic · 3 years

Text

Your Father’s Son

With his back towards the door of the master bedroom, Reid rests on his side as he attempts to even out his breathing. Though the house is completely silent, he can barely register the sound of the front door clicking open over the breaths he has to heave into his lungs, nor does he notice the footfalls steadily making their way towards his direction, not until Aaron is stood in front of him.

Reid doesn’t bother making eye contact, only dropping his focus to the wooden panels of the bedroom floor and the socks adorning Aaron’s feet.

“You okay?” Aaron asks, the worry evident in his voice as he sits down on the empty space beside Reid.

The only response he receives from Reid is a barely-there nod.

“Doesn’t seem like it.” he says softly.

Without another word, Aaron tugs the younger man upwards, just enough to be able to slide in and sit behind him. Arms wrap around Reid’s midsection, while Aaron pushes his chest further into Reid’s back.

For a while, the two of them remain quiet. Reid doesn’t say anything and Aaron doesn’t ask him anything else, only waiting patiently for him to gather the courage to say whatever it was that was bothering him.

How could he, though?

Everytime Reid merely thinks about what happened, his throat closes up and his eyes begin to sting.

God, it’s just like him to be dealt a mortal blow by a seven year old’s words.

The day had started off as a regular Saturday for the three of them; Aaron went for his daily run, while Reid watched over Jack, who was practicing his soccer drills in the backyard. They all ate breakfast together and soon Morgan was calling Aaron, asking if he was available to help him fix up some houses.

Once Aaron had left Jack and Reid alone in the house, all hell had broken loose. All Reid had done was ask Jack to go finish up his homework so he wouldn’t be cramming Sunday evening, and soon the two of them were arguing over nothing.

For someone with an eidetic memory, his brain didn’t seem to want to recall the details for once. Perhaps, his brain was only trying to protect him from the worst of it all.

Yet, Reid has no clue what could be worse than hearing your son shout that you weren’t his father?

“He said I wasn’t his father.” Reid croaks out, water already collecting in his eyes.

“What?”

“We had a disagreement,” he explains before swallowing hard, in an attempt to keep himself from crying, “Then, suddenly, he was shouting at me that I wasn’t his father.”

Palms run up and down the sides of Reid’s arms to help soothe him but it’s to no avail as he begins to hiccup uncontrollably; tears rolling down his face and dripping down his chin. He presses his face into the side of Aaron’s neck, as if to hide away from all of his problems.

“Jack doesn’t know what he’s saying.” Aaron murmurs softly, almost unheard over the sound of Reid crying.

“Sounded like he did.”

“He’s just a kid,” he says, “Jack didn’t mean it.”

“Easy for you to say.” Reid mumbles into the skin of Aaron’s throat, “You’re his father.”

He hears Aaron sigh before his fingers lace through the thick strands of Reid’s hair, tugging him up to face Aaron. Using the ends of his sleeves, he wipes away at the tears pooling under Reid’s lashline and his runny nose.

“How about this?” he begins, “I’ll get Jack to apologize to you.”

Before he has even finished speaking, Reid is already shaking his head in refusal.

What’s the point? He knows Jack means it, that he doesn’t think of Reid as his father, no matter how many times he calls him Papa.

“Don’t be like that.” Aaron admonishes gently.

Before Reid can start on a disapproving tangent, Aaron gets up from the bed, and heads out of the bedroom, marching down the hall to Jack’s own.

Knowing that there is no way out of the situation, Reid takes a deep breath in as he forces himself to calm down and get a hold of himself; Jack may not be his son but he refuses to let him feel guilty at the sight of Reid crying.

As Reid focuses on drawing in consistent breaths, he hears the telltale sound of sock-clad feet hitting the floor and he looks up to find Aaron carrying Jack. The boy is frowning, and just the sight of him makes Reid want to start crying all over again.

Reid positions himself so he’s sitting cross-legged as Aaron sets Jack down right in front of him on the comforter. Beside the bed, Aaron hovers over Reid with his hands on his hips as he looks at his son expectantly.

“Jack, don’t you have something to say to your papa?” Aaron questions.

In front of him, Jack scrunches up his face in disdain before folding his arms across his chest and pointedly looking away from the two of them.

At his reaction, Aaron loudly exhales before bringing a hand up to wipe at his face, while Reid tries his absolute best to rein in the tears.

“Jack,” Aaron says sternly, “If you don’t apologize to your papa, you’re not going to the planetarium with him tomorrow.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere with Spencer.” Jack sneers as he finally turns to look at the two of them again.

“Don’t call your papa by his name.” Aaron scolds.

“Why doesn’t Spencer go with Henry, huh?” Jack retorts.

What?

The words are enough to pull Reid out of his little pathetic episode as both he and Aaron twist to look at each other; sharing a look of confusion at the abrupt mention of Henry.

Why on Earth did Jack mention Henry? He had nothing to do with this.

Or did he?

Before anyone else can get another word out, Reid reaches out for Aaron’s hand. He tugs on it to gain his attention before tilting his head in the direction of the door. Needing no further prompting, Aaron leaves both Jack and Reid alone before shutting the door behind him, giving them some privacy.

“Why did you mention Henry?” Reid questions.

“Who cares?”

“I care, Jack.” he says, “Okay, listen, I just want to know why you said I wasn’t your father.”

“Whatever.”

This was going to be a lot harder than Reid thought.

“Jack…”

Scooting closer to the boy, Reid reaches out for Jack’s hands, only to have him yank them away from his grasp. The reaction has Reid biting back a sob because before this afternoon, Jack used to cling to him at every available opportunity. He used to hold Reid’s hand no matter how many times his cousins teased him for not being a big boy. Jack used to climb into Reid’s lap for his bedtime story. He used to—

Jack never used to move away from Reid’s touches.

What had happened to the two of them? What did Reid do to them?

“Why don’t you go ask Henry?” Jack snarls.

And what did Henry have anything to do with all of this?

“What is your problem with Henry?” Reid asks, exasperated, “I thought you two were friends.”

The frown on Jack’s face tapers off. Instead, his brows come together as if he is deep thought. Soon, he drops his head down to stare at the comforter, in place of looking at Reid.

“He is my friend.” he answers back, slowly as if he’s confirming with himself.

“Then, why do you keep mentioning him?”

“Because he’s your godson.” Jack says as if that’s an answer.

“I still don’t know what’s going on, Jack.” Reid pleads.

Jack’s arms fall away from his chest. His tiny hands forming fists in the comforter he’s clutching between his fingers.

“You don’t remember do you?” he questions, quietly.

Reid has no clue where this sudden streak of sadness came from but, all he knows is he wants to remedy it as quickly as he can. He lowers his head enough to meet Jack’s eyes, which are now full of unshed tears.

“Remember what?” Reid asks, gently.

“Last week, you forgot to come to my science fair.” Jack explains as he lifts his head up to look at Reid, “I spent so long making my project and I was going to show it to you and I kept waiting and waiting and waiting but you never showed up. When I asked Dad and Aunt Jess where you were, they thought you already told me you weren’t going to be there.”

Reid had missed Jack’s science fair?

It shouldn’t have been that terribly big of an ordeal except Reid had promised to be there. Jack said he was going to make a project that even someone as smart as Reid would be impressed by, proud of even.

Little did Jack know, Reid was going to be proud, regardless of what he made.

Except he couldn’t be because he had somehow missed it, which should have been impossible with a memory like his and even if it wasn’t, Reid had written it into every single calendar in the house and at the office, and he had Garcia help him set a reminder on his cellphone.

“I thought your science fair was next Tuesday.” Reid admits, brokenly.

How could Reid have missed Jack’s science fair?

“No, it was last Tuesday.” Jack says.

Suddenly, Reid knows exactly why Jack has been mentioning Henry this entire time and it makes his chest ache.

“The same day I went to Henry’s soccer game.” Reid states.

“You picked Henry over me.”

“Hey, that’s not what happened.” he says desperately, “I’m sorry I missed your science fair but I was just confused. I would have been there.”

“No, you wouldn’t have.” Jack corrects as he shakes his head, “You’d probably be helping Henry with his own project.”

“Are you…” Reid begins, “Are you jealous of Henry?”

He doesn’t get an answer from Jack. No nodding or head shaking, no verbal reply, not even a physical movement that Reid could have interpreted.

Yet, Jack’s silence is more than enough of a response.

“You know you’re important to me, Jack?” he reminds him, “I love you.”

“No, you don’t.” he cries, tears finally spilling down his cheeks, “You don’t love me because I’m stupid and I cry like a baby over stupid things and I get nightmares and I mess things up. I make your life suck. I make Dad’s life suck. I make Aunt Jess’s life suck too.”

As Jack takes in a ragged breath, he drops his gaze before shoving his hands underneath his armpits, curling into himself. Sobs wracking through his tiny body with such intensity that it has Reid worried the boy is going to make himself sick.

Reid’s hands move out of their own volition and soon he’s dragging Jack into his lap as he wraps his arms around him, guiding him to rest his head on Reid’s chest. He rubs a palm down his back as Jack lets out sob after sob into Reid’s shirt.

“Hey, shh, you don’t do any of those things.” Reid whispers.

Hair tickles Reid’s neck as he feels Jack shake his head against his chest.

“I do.” he says, “Which is why you love Henry more.”

“I don’t love Henry more.”

“Why not?” Jack asks as he lifts his head off of Reid’s chest, the tears still streaming down his face, “You’ve known him since he was a baby. You’ve only known me for a couple of years.”

“That’s not how love works, Jack.” he explains as he smooths a hand down his hair, “You can’t compare it, and you certainly can’t put its value in time.”

“Henry’s smarter than me too.” he admits as if that’s enough to convince Reid to love him less, “He gets the highest marks in class and he’s not like me. He doesn’t need help with math or reading big words.”

“There’s nothing wrong with needing help.” Reid says, “Everyone needs help at some point.”

“You never need help with reading big words.”

“Well, I’m not like most people.” he reminds, “I’m weird.”

“A good weird.”

A soft smile appears on Reid’s face. It was just like Jack to comfort other people, even when he was the one in need of it. He really was his father’s son.

“Henry is my godson.” Reid says as he cradles Jack’s face with his hands, “But, you Jack? You’re my son. The love I feel for you is different than the one I feel for Henry but, one’s not better than the other; just different.”

Jack darts his eyes downward and stares at the collar of Reid’s shirt, instead of Reid himself. The tears in his eyes have come to a gradual stop.

“So, you’re not gonna get sick of me?” Jack asks quietly.

Later, Reid is going to figure out how on Earth Jack could ever entertain the notion that he, or anyone for that matter, could get sick of him. He’s going to figure out how that idea got into his head and make sure it never does again.

Now, Reid just leans over and presses a soft kiss to Jack’s forehead, his palms still encompassing the boy’s face.

“Never, Jack.” he swears, “Are you gonna get sick of me?”

“Never.”

After a moment, Reid’s palms fall from Jack’s face but the boy doesn’t let him stray far; he grabs at Reid’s fingers and holds his hands in his own like he’s done every other time.

“Why don’t you show me that project you made?” Reid asks.

“It’s okay.” Jack says as he shakes his head, “It’s not that good anyway. I didn’t win anything.”

“Anything you make is award-winning, even if it isn’t to others.” he answers, “After all, you’re my son.”

At his words, Jack flashes Reid his toothy grin.

#criminal minds #hotchreid #~fic~

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