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liamtsullivan · 4 years

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{ self para - 001 }

“ identity cannot be found or fabricated but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go. ” -- doug cooper

{ TW's: mentions of prostitution / mentions of violence against sex workers; mentions of child predatory behavior; mentions of teenage intimacy; general sexual identity struggle; mentions of drug use / addiction }

ooc; i’ll be honest i went heavy on the warnings because i want everyone to take care of themselves; it’s some deep / complicated shit but it’s not extremely wild. but please do what you gotta do to take care of yourselves, babies.

AGE 6 ( Las Vegas, Nevada ) --

It’s late and Liam’s supposed to be in bed. Mommy’s not home yet, and it’s one in the morning; he knows because he looked at the numbers on the digital clock sitting on the floor beside their bed - a mattress with no bed frame, settled in the corner of their small bedroom. He’s sitting up coloring, and Miss Tiffany hasn’t come to check on him in at least three hours, probably assuming he’s asleep, only he’s not. Which is why he hears the front door swing open. Loudly.

“That mother fucker.” That’s Miss Wendy; she’s always loud, says all the bad words.

There’s sniffling that Liam hears next, soft whimpers that make the six year old’s head lift, wide blue eyes blinking toward the closed bedroom door.

“We should’ve taken her to the hospital. Damn it.” That’s Mommy, he recognizes immediately. She sounds worried; she gets that way sometimes when he hears things he’s not supposed to hear in the apartment, but this isn’t about him this time.

Shuffling off of the mattress, Liam leaves his Batman coloring book and jumbo sized crayolas behind him, slowly easing the bedroom door open. The crying is louder now, and from where he’s standing, he can see that it’s Miss Jeanie that’s crying. He can see that she’s got small, circular red marks up and down her arm; ones that weren’t there before when she was home that afternoon. They look like they hurt, Liam thinks, those little red marks. They shine in the light, and he thinks for a second ‘I don’t think that’s right’ because his skin’s never shone like that before, never been so glaringly red before, either.

As he slowly creeps closer, he notices miss Tiffany scrambling with a first aid kit, and she’s muttering under her breath about ‘calling the fucking cops on that bastard.’ Liam’s not sure what that means or what’s going on, but he knows that something’s wrong, he can read that well enough.

“Calling the cops wouldn’t have done shit, they don’t give a damn. They wouldn’t-- Give me that burn ointment. Get the gauze out of the medicine cabinet. Fucking hell.” Miss Wendy is barking angry orders, which is once again not entirely unusual, but it’s a scene to behold all the same.

Minutes go by, the three women - Miss Wendy, Miss Tiffany, and Mommy - all skittering across the floor, taking care of Miss Jeanie, comforting her, cleaning the red marks on her arms, wrapping them in bandages. He hears more swears in those ten minutes than he hears in a whole week - whatever happened, it was bad, it was scary.

He’s hugging the frame of the doorway into the living room space when Stephanie finally turns around and sees him there.

“Liam,” There’s a crack in her voice, and the little boy shuffles impossibly closer to the wooden framing he’s already clung to as she looks at him with wide eyes and drops down to his level. “You’re supposed to be in bed, what are you doing up, it’s so late, Liam. You need to go to bed.”

Her words are hurried, rushed, blending together, and there’s tears in her eyes. Liam frowns - bordering on a pout, lips pursed and brow furrowed.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” He asks; and he’s concerned - Mommy doesn’t let him see her cry very often. He’s heard it sometimes, when she’s in the living room, or talking to one of the other girls, or when she’s taking a shower. But he doesn’t see it often.

His small hands lift to touch her cheeks and Stephanie lets out a stuttering sigh.

“It’s okay, baby bear, Mommy’s okay.” She turns and kisses his fingers. “Everything’s okay.”

Liam looks passed her at where Miss Jeanie and Miss Tiffany have moved to the couch. Miss Wendy is outside, on her fourth consecutive cigarette. Miss Jeanie is still crying softly while she lays on Miss Tiffany who’s petting her hair gently and shushing her. It’s not uncommon for them, this sort of scene, but it is uncommon for Liam to witness it.

“Is Miss Jeanie okay?” The little boy asks, hands falling from his mother’s face. “Did she get hurt?”

Stephanie hesitates but nods her head. “Yeah, someone hurt her, but she’s okay. We’re takin’ care of her, okay? Don’t worry.”

“Was it John?”

Liam’s brow creases deeply as his mother lets out something of a whimper at his question. He didn’t mean to upset her more. Stephanie’s trying as hard as she can fucking manage to keep it together; because god, if it doesn’t absolutely fucking break her heart to hear that her child hears what they talk about in this house, what they’re doing. Even if he’s got the details wrong - there’s no John, only a John, multiple John’s. He had so little understanding of what was going on, and yet he had enough understanding to know that something was.

“I don’t want you to worry, alright?” The woman’s hand lifts to push back through Liam’s dark hair. “My sweet boy. Don’t you worry.”

Liam blinks at his mother, and while he doesn’t know what’s going on - doesn’t have a clue that the little shiny red dots on Miss Jeanie’s arms are cigarette burns, doesn’t have the faintest idea that Mommy and the other girls are putting themselves in different potential dangers every night, doesn’t remotely understand yet that this isn’t a normal life experience - he still nods his little head when his mother asks him. When she asks him;

“Do you promise to stay sweet forever? Never hurt anyone? Can you promise me that, baby bear?”

AGE 10 ( Las Vegas, Nevada ) --

Staying with Jeanie isn’t strange. They don’t live with her anymore, haven’t for a handful of years now, but she and Mom still work together so it wasn’t totally unusual for Liam to see her still. Wendy and Tiff were out of the picture now. At the respective times of their leaving his life, Liam had thought that was probably for the better.

He’s more aware of the culture of what his mom is doing now. More aware of the ins and outs of the process. More aware of the fact that it isn’t just about making money on a night with a John anymore. After all, it wasn’t the sex work that had her overdosing.

There was a ‘make yourself at home, honey’ that Jeanie gave him when he had first arrived. The uncomfortable feeling hadn’t kicked in right away. He knows Jeanie, she’s been there pretty much all his life. So the change of pace is unexpected.

By change of pace, it’s the way she lays her legs across his lap while they’re sitting on the couch. It’s the casual caress of the back of his head when she walks by him while he sits there. It’s the fact that she’s standing in the doorway to the bedroom he’s sleeping in after he’s gotten out of the shower and is in his underwear, about to pull a shirt over his head.

“You’re already so grown up, you know that?” She says, leaning in the doorway.

Liam thinks it’s a little strange, because why is she there? But he nods. He’s polite. And admittedly, he’s a little bit in a daze still, because his mom fucking overdosed this afternoon, and is spending the night in the hospital getting her stomach pumped, and he has zero fucking clue what tomorrow looks like following something like that.

He also has zero fucking clue why Jeanie is coming closer to him, why her hands are finding his shoulders and kneading there and she’s murmuring something to him about ‘being there for him.’ The connection isn’t there. He understands what they do, this job of theirs, but he doesn’t understand what Jeanie is doing. Because now she’s talking about Nick, some boy two grades above her that she knew when she was Liam’s age. They used to hide in one of the lesser used girl’s bathrooms at school and learn about each other. Liam’s young, but he’s not stupid, he knows what that means, he’s also realizing that this has little to do with him. Jeanie’s had some wine - a lot, actually, by the smell of it as she breathes in his space - and she’s under stress because her friend just overdosed, among other things, and--

He watched something on TV the other day; they used the word stressor. He wonders if that’s what this is. She’s downward spiraled into something she didn’t really intend to do, didn’t really plan for.

She doesn’t touch him more - despite small effort on her part; he’s not interested. Not only is it uncomfortable, but even any physiological response isn’t there. Whatever ‘growing boy needs’ she refers to don’t ignite a familiarity in Liam’s brain, they don’t ignite any curiosity, so she gives up. And he’s fine. He is. Because after that, she’s apologizing. She’s crying and she’s calling herself an idiot, and she’s saying that there’s something wrong with her and Liam, at his core, can’t agree with that, because having bad things happen in life doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with a person.

He knows that.

She shares the bed with him, and it’s strange but it’s not at the same time. He and his mom live in a studio apartment on their own now. They’ve shared a bed all his life. This isn’t his mom, though, it’s Jeanie. And the whole circumstance is confusing, and he’s not sure what he’s supposed to do when her arm is laid over him and she’s sniffling gently against his shoulder, and looking for some kind of comfort from a child that doesn’t fully know how to offer it.

But he gently traces the familiar little circular scars on her arm with his fingertips until she falls asleep.

He tells Mom about what happened a couple days later.

And he never goes back to Jeanie’s house again.

AGE 15 ( Los Angeles, California ) --

There’s a gentle panting coming and going between Liam’s lips still as he’s coming back down, flopping against his twin bed. Isabelle stands from where she’s settled between his knees and flops back beside him. He should pull his pants back on and he knows it, but he’s lost in thought - as fucking weird as that might sound for a teenage boy who just got his first blowjob.

It’s one of those things, though. There’s been a number of moments where Liam can’t quite figure how he feels about something. He can’t quite figure if he likes something. This experimentation has been going on with Isabelle for about three months now, and he’s learning things. They both are. He makes her feel good, she does the same, but there’s... A disconnect. There’s something missing.

He wonders if it’s him.

He wonders if it’s because they’re only fifteen and maybe they started this all too soon. But then he thinks, no, no that isn’t it. Because sex is something he’s familiar with, something he’s become desensitized to. Maybe not from experience, but definitely from exposure.

Considering.

It’s over the course of the next handful of months that it starts to dawn on Liam that the reason it feels off is because he doesn’t actually want to be being physical. He is, though. Because that’s what teenagers do. Because girls find him attractive. Because the guys in the locker room are talking about it after football practice. Because it’s normal. It’s expected.

He’s still fifteen when he loses his virginity. And he doesn’t care. Granted, that’s always struck him as something that effects girls more than it effects guys, anyway, but he doesn’t care. He did it. He did it because he thought that was what he was supposed to do. That it was some sort of milestone. That he would get used to it.

For the span of a few days, Liam wonders if it’s specific to girls. There’s a party that someone from another school is having, and a couple of his buddies invite him along. He kisses a boy there, testing it out, seeing if maybe this is where the disconnect lies.

There’s messy, fumbling hands down the front of jeans, there’s the press of bodies back into the edge of a bathroom counter. There’s the heavy breaths and the shaky groans.

But there’s still not what Liam was looking for. There’s still not an answer.

Because he doesn’t hate the touching or the kissing or the sleeping together.

But he also doesn’t want it. Not the way he hears people talk about. Not the way his health teacher implies hormones make it all work for them. He doesn’t want it.

He’s not sure, at this point, what he’s supposed to do with that, though.

AGE 19 ( Los Angeles, California; UCLA campus ) --

“Why don’t you ever want to have sex with me?”

The question is nearly enough to startle Liam, but he manages to stay relatively composed, simply blinking blue eyes in his girlfriend’s direction. Liza’s got a stern, questioning look on her face, and he can’t really figure out why. Or figure out her question.

They had sex yesterday, is the thing.

So he says so, points it out. He can’t imagine that she somehow forgot considering it was less than twenty four hours ago. The brunette huffs in something like exasperation at the reply, however.

“You never want to have sex with me, though.” She argues.

Liam’s head tilts, he can’t quite help it. He’s not an argumentative person, not typically anyway, but there’s something in that accusation that doesn’t sit right. “If you think I don’t want to do it, but then we’re doing it anyway, I think we have bigger problems, Liza...”

“You know what I mean, Liam.” She snaps.

“Actually, I’m not totally sure that I do. Hence this conversation.” His voice is level; he’s not picking a fight, he’s stating a fact.

If he’s honest he’s not even totally sure where this is coming from. He and Liza had been dating for the last five months and things seemed to be going pretty well for them. They liked each other enough. She was loud and confident and took the reigns in their relationship a lot. That was how they ended up sleeping together after only a month of dating. Four months had gone by since then, and given her very open and vocal attraction to Liam, it was safe to say there had been plenty more since.

Which raised the current questions.

“Every time I want us to have sex, it’s me. I’m the one making that call, it’s me that has to suggest it or instigate it, or whatever.” Liza begins.

Ah. He gets it now.

And there’s no argument he can offer now, because he knows that she’s right. It had never really struck Liam as becoming a potential problem - and perhaps that was narrow-minded of him. The fact of the matter was that he didn’t desire what she did all the time, he didn’t have that drive.

Doesn’t. Still.

He likes Liza, he cares about her a lot; he wouldn’t have spent five months of his life dating her otherwise. There’s no arguing, though, that he’s different about their intimacy than he is. His attraction to her is different than her attraction to him. She tells him he’s beautiful all the time, that he’s hot, that he’s distracting to look at. Of course there’s other things in there, too, ones that don’t just have to do with what he looks like, but he correlates them now.

Because his attraction to Liza comes from the fact that she’s loud, that she’s confident, and herself. His attraction to Liza came from the fact that she made him laugh four minutes into a conversation with him. His attraction to Liza came from seeing her passion for her studies, the way she dedicated herself to the things that she wanted.

And sure, he likes that she finds him physically attractive. He can recognize that Liza is a beautiful girl - wavy brown hair, green eyes that lighten up when she’s talking about something she loves. But his feelings have never come from a place of physicality. His place in their relationship has never stemmed from physical attraction. He’s never cared much one way or the other about what they did with one another physically.

She does, though. She likes being physical with him. She likes the intimacy of their bodies together, of making one another feel good. She likes to express her feelings in a way that doesn’t require words all the time. And Liam doesn’t fault her for that - how could he? That was normal.

But he doesn’t feel those same things.

It’s not exclusive to Liza. Liam doesn’t look at other girls or guys and think that he’s missing something. He doesn’t think that maybe he might enjoy himself in that circumstance with someone else. It isn’t like that. It’s never been like that. He’s experimented, he’s gone out of comfort zones, he’s done things for people because it’s what they want, and he wants to keep them happy. It’s what he’s been doing with Liza, isn’t it?

So when she says that she’s done - that because he can’t explain it to her, that because there’s no ‘making sense of it’ - he apologizes. He says that he’s sorry, but he doesn’t fight to keep her there.

It’s not like he can give her what she’s really looking for.

AGE 21 ( Los Angeles, California; UCLA campus ) --

Liam’s been throwing a word around for about eight months now. He took a Human Sexuality class last semester - curiosity, some answers, maybe just a vague interest in what he could learn from the subject, he couldn’t figure. It was an interesting class, though. And it helped. In ways he didn’t expect. Because that was where this word came from.

He says it out loud to himself sometimes, getting a feel for it. Immediately after the subject came up in class, he’d done a deep dive on the internet. Maybe to see if it was real, if it was something people actually knew existed. Maybe to self identify. Whatever it was, that had kind of helped some, too.

He reads it in forums, talks to a couple people from them because he’s not totally sure that it’s something he wants to throw out in the open yet. It’s a big thing, throwing a label on yourself, giving people a definition of you. Liam knows that.

He’s been so focused on school and on work and on helping his mom that it hasn’t stressed him out much.

He broke up with his third college girlfriend about a month ago, but he didn’t really feel it anymore. Things weren’t perfect there. Every time he thinks of Vivian his brain just circles back to this word he’s got now anyway.

Asexual.

He remembers it from Biology class, talking about plant cell division and shit. Which is embarrassing, because of all the things to remember when finally finding something he might identify with, it had to be fucking plants, didn’t it? There’s a lot on the internet about asexuality, and it’s all kind of on this spectrum, Liam’s come to find.

It’s the first time he’s really felt like he’s not fundamentally fucked up, though. It’s the first time that he’s realized that he’s not the only person in the world that feels - or doesn’t feel - this way. Which, deep down, he’s smart enough to figure that it’s pretty impossible with the sheer amount of people alive on the planet that he’s the only one. But seeing it made a difference. Hearing from other people who feel the same way made a difference.

He’s been really figuring this all out, this being asexual thing. He feels comfortable with it. For the first time it really is something he can put his finger on. He doesn’t have a sex drive. He doesn’t experience sexual attraction. It happens. He’s not the only one.

It’s nice. In a weird way. To feel like he knows why now.

He’s talked to this girl online; she’s nice, he calls them friends to himself. She realized when she was sixteen that she didn’t want to have sex. Liam relates to her in more ways than he thought he could. Her name is Heather, and she’s from Washington, and he thinks about going to Seattle to meet her someday. If only to thank her for giving him someone to talk through these things with. If only for being herself.

She grew up with a single dad, and Liam recognizes the mild irony in the fact that he grew up with a single mom. However, Heather’s dad is a contractor. He’s never been in close to the same positions that Liam’s mom has been - but how many people really had been, anyway? He tells Heather about his upbringing; what his mom used to do, where they used to live, the way that sexual intimacy has been like a static white noise that numbs the back of his mind. It’s there, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t do anything for him. He can talk about it, he can make himself do it.

But it’s not for him.

She apologizes to him, tells him that she can’t imagine living a life like that. She says ‘that must have been hard’ and Liam thinks that it wasn’t really. He didn’t have a hard life, his life was just different. He was still coming out on the other side alright.

Better now, with this.

AGE 26 [ current ] ( Chicago, Illinois ) --

It’s Pride Month and that’s always felt like a cool time for Liam. He’s got friends and has known a number of people of varying sexual identities and orientations, and it’s a happy time for them. He gets it. Feeling like celebrating your identity. Even if he didn’t for a long time.

He’s not wild about it. He doesn’t parade about, he doesn’t post on social media. He keeps the simple black band ring on his right middle finger. He doesn’t act any different than he normally would. If it comes up, it comes up, and he’s fine with that.

A few weeks back a girl in the bar really hinted at him that she thought they could ‘have a fun night together.’ It was bold, he’d given her that. He’d also, however, told her exactly what she was getting herself into. Or more what she wasn’t getting into, rather.

He’s not embarrassed to say it. It’s been years since he learned the word, since he found this name to a truth about himself. He’s felt freer, somehow, in that time. Having something to call it. Having knowledge of where these feelings - or lack thereof - have come from for most of his life.

It’s Pride Month and he knows that he’s got something to feel prideful for. He knows that he can stand up and shout from rooftops if he wanted to that he’s asexual and that it’s real and that it’s valid.

He doesn’t. He’s passed the point of really needing to.

Still, it’s nice that it’s there.

#liam. | self para #liam. | headcanons #i fucked around with a different pov at some points so forgive me if this reads in a messy way #this is also EXCEPTIONALLY long so.....#if you made it through the whole thing you may be entitled to emotional compensation #that last tag literally already exists on this blog but it applies here too i'm

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shinidamachu · 5 years

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Holding On And Letting Go - Chapter IV

Summary: Chapter I | Chapter II | Chapter III | Chapter IV

Word Count: 2180 Genre: angst Fandom: InuYasha Pairing: Inukag Format: multichapter AO3 Link: 🌹 Fanfic.Net Link: 🌹

“I’m the one to blame and I know it. That’s the worst part.” InuYasha confessed to the dorment well in one of those nights, when he missed Kagome so dearly it was downright suffocating.

He would never forget the moment when she first taught him about the universe — how it was infinite and always expanding. He still remembered how small and overwhelmed it made him feel.

Even now, that the memory was old and dusty, InuYasha felt the same. Missing Kagome was just like the universe — infinite and always expanding — and he was only himself, powerless and infinitesimal when faced with the immensity of it all.

“I shoulda fought harder for you.” The claws piercing his palm compensated the lack of emotion on the statement. “Not just that last time...” He shook his head, his brain flooded with images of the time they were forced apart and how he had been unable to do anything besides watch it happen. “But before that too. I shoulda told ya how much you meant to me, even though you knew already. I shoulda kissed you each chance I got. I shoulda apologized more.”

A lump housed in his throat as he recounted their journey on his mind, making sure to linger on the mistakes he made with the rawness of salt thrown straight into an open wound. Every argument they ever had seemed so pointless now, and yet, what wouldn’t he give for one more quarrel, if only to hear her voice again?

“And I shouldn’t have let you go!” All at once, the all too familiar anger started bubbling in the depths of his stomach, surfacing through his intonation. “What the hell was I thinking? That just because I wasn’t a selfish asshole for once, everything would be just fine at the end? It ain’t how life works! You’d think someone like me woulda learned that by now.”

Sitting on the grass, InuYasha fought the urge to scream in frustration. It was all bullshit. All of it.

“Before you, I didn’t use to do the right thing and we both know it. So why the fuck should I keep doing it now? ‘S not like it would bring you back.”

Deep down, InuYasha knew the answer. In the end of the day, her happiness and well being were way more important than his self-centered desires, and ultimately, he would never jeopardize all the effort he had put into becoming the man she showed him he could be — a man deserving of her. It didn’t mean he couldn’t feel sorry for himself, just a little.

“They already had at least fifteen years of you in their lives, but we... We didn’t have enough time.”

Part of him argued that it would never be sufficient, no matter how many lifetimes they got bestowed with. The other part reminded him of all the times he had pushed her away.

InuYasha acknowledged his greediness right then. Kagome had already given him more than he ever dared to dream and admittedly more than he deserved. Most of his kind would die without knowing so much as the prospect of love, while he had experienced it in every shape. Because of Kagome, he had finally found a place where he belonged, with people who accepted him. That should have been more than enough.

And yet there he was, asking for more as if he was entitled to it, as if every good thing in his life wasn’t as bright as it could be if she was around.

What an ungrateful bastard he was.

“I need you more than they ever could, anyway.” InuYasha went on, wondering why is was so much easier admitting these things when there was no chance for her o listen. “If you ever come back, I’d do everything different. No more wasting time, no more acting stupid. I’d even tell you how much I love your food and the way you smell, ‘cause I do, I always did.”

He once believed that Kagome was born to meet him. Now it looked they were doomed from the start.

“Just come back and see.”

If the Honekui no Ido was a Wishing Well, her wish would be him.

She knew it was selfish, but it was true.

There was nothing she cared about more, nothing else she wanted so fiercely in her supposedly fulfilled life.

Day and night, she dreamed of better worlds, where they never had to be more than a heartbeat away from each other. If she could, she would change her own, just to fit him in it the same way his Fire-Rat robe used to fit around her shoulders — warm and familiar — and he would know he was safe and sound. She would rewrite each cosmical rule keeping them from being together, speak over the prejudiced voices whispering their bigotry at them, shield him from the hurtful things he pretended to be indifferent to even though it broke his heart. And they would get the happy ending they deserved.

“All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.” Kagome remembered that day, swallowed by the sands of time, when she sat in the very well she now leaned against, and faced with these same emotions, asked InuYasha to stay with him. It was the moment she realized no amount of nasty blows to her ego could make her walk away. Her happiness was tangled with his. “And I promised you I would always be by your side. I guess things never work the way we plan, but I want you to know I would have kept my word. I still intend to.”

Kagome deliberately looked at the pile of books beside her. Most of them turned out to be useless, brimming with inaccurate information. A couple of few managed to carried interesting material and maybe Kagome could even teach Kaede a thing or two if she ever accomplished her main goal, but the rest were not written to be taken serious at all.

The girl, however, was no fool. It was highly unlikely that the solution she was looking for would be laying in a long lost book, and that just like in the climax scene of a hollywoodian movie, she would decode its manuscript, unsealing the magical time portal, consequently, reaching the anticipated joyous outcome, white letters rolling up the screen and lights turning on to reveal a clapping audience.

But what could she do except keep trying? The alternatives were way too depressing and she had promised him. She owed him — owed both of them — that much, and it gave her a purpose. Doing something felt good, even if something meant a new burn to a cauterized heart. What was a little drop of frustration for someone drenched on its rain? What was a little wave of sorrow for someone drowning on its waters?

It was also a good distraction from math problems and her oblivious — despite of well meaning — friends. She welcomed those distractions as much as the lamppost lights that guided her way home.

Truth was, too many new moons had passed and it wasn’t lost on Kagome that the separation would affect her and InuYasha differently. While he knew she was out of danger, secure with her family in pacific modern era Japan, that same courtesy was never offered to her.

Sure, Naraku was gone and InuYasha would always have Tessaiga, as well as their friends, to support and protect him. But he was still a cocky half demon with a remarkable talent to lost his temper and a pretty respectful list of enemies. Trouble would find him one way or another.

Part of her wondered if it already did and, as much as it hurt to consider it, that was why he never met her after the five hundred years gap. But then again, it could also mean that he didn’t have to, because she found a way to get back on her own.

Her attention went back to the open book on her lap.

“I just… I just need to see if you’re okay.” Pleaded Kagome, aware of her own lie the second it left her lips. Just a glimpse of him, brief and distant as it may, and she could never walk away.

The night came and went as she devoured the pages, in vain. Then daylight touched Earth, imposing and golden like his eyes.

The sky was so clear, not a single cloud dared to taint its dazzling blue. Around him, InuYasha could see all the summer colors, as bright as they were, from the floating orange of the butterflies to the endless rainbow of flowers gifted to them by a generous spring. Nearby, he could hear the birds singing their jubilant melodies and the village’s children playing under the sun.

It was a beautiful morning and he hated it.

A day like that without Kagome to enjoy it was such a waste. Everything about it seemed pointless — wrong, somehow — since she wasn’t there to see it.

Particularly, he had grown fond of the cloudy days. It was much easier to blend in. Everybody gets a little sad when it rains.

But InuYasha couldn’t control the weather and certainly he couldn’t extinguish the distance separating them either, as he had previously learned. All he could do was sit there and wait for her.

“And now the little brats are getting old enough to chase me around.” Continued InuYasha, on yet another detailed report Kagome would never hear. “‘S a nightmare, I’ll tell ya. Not even you or your mom were so obsessed with my ears and that’s sayin’ a lot.”

His heart clenched at the thought of the kind woman who had treated him like a son from the very start, but it didn’t last long, as he could practically hear Kagome’s giggles. He had no doubt she would find the whole situation insanely amusing, much to his pretended annoyance.

He didn’t even try to fight his smile.

“Can you believe it? Miroku and Sango have twins!” InuYasha exclaimed, because he sure as hell still couldn’t, no matter how many times the living proofs climbed over him, pulled his hair or pestered his poor ears. “I mean, ‘course you can. You saw it coming way before I did.”

Well, not even her wildest guess would have bet on twins right away, but the important thing was the monk and the slayer were really making marriage work. InuYasha would give anything to see her smug I-Told-You-So expression.

“They’re really happy.” And they had every reason to be. Against all odds, they were together, they had a family. After so much trauma, fights and goodbyes, they managed to stood side by side at the end. They had earned that. InuYasha knew it. And he wanted to be happy for them. He was happy for them. He just couldn’t shake the terrible feeling that would come along with every look, touch or gleeful moments shared between the couple: it should have been Kagome and I.

Then guilt would hit him like a punch, making him avoid the pair for a while just to feel even worse. It was much harder to feel happy for someone else when his own happiness was in the other side of the well with her.

“They miss you, though.”

“Congratulations!” Kagome walked in, dropping her purse to the base of the Honekui no Ido to grasp her hair in exasperation. “You have finally made Tokyo boring and I thought this was impossible!”

The schoolgirl spent the whole day out, passing by parks and stores that had been so fascinating to her in the past, but that now just couldn’t catch her eyes.

Since she was a little child, she always felt her city like a living entity. Pulsating, stimulating, a surprise on every turn.

Then, years ago, she had fallen into that damned well and the conception of adventure that she once had changed forever.

In that new, exciting land, Kagome had been a fish out of temporal water, but then she decorated the tides and made them her habitat. Now that she was isolated from it, she missed it like crazy and the place she used to call home didn’t felt like home anymore.

She was a fish out of water again, but this time in her own town.

The city lights were as pretty as ever, but they could never match the starry night sky from Feudal Era and the more she walked through the comfortable pavement, the more she longed for the freshy grass. It was sickening and frightening.

For her family, Kagome desperately kept trying to make things go back to the way it was before — Studying, hanging out with her friends, helping in the shrine. She never told them it wasn’t working. There was no need to hurt them over nothing.

But she didn’t belong there. And she hadn’t for quite a while.

“What do I do?” She whispered.

A/N: one day I’ll write something that isn’t angst again... but today was not that day. Thank you for reading, tho. It means a lot to me. Oh, and let me know if you want to be tagged or something. See ya!

#InuYasha #Inukag #Kagome #Holding On And Letting Go - Chapter IV #Kagome Higurashi #Inukag Angst #Inukag Multichapter #My Writing

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diskwrite-ffxiv · 6 years

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There have been some very excellent posts breaking down the first non-apology from Oz. And now, after the first attempt was generally panned, Oz has made a second go of it: https://imgur.com/a/E9qELpy

As we consider Oz’s words, there is a point I would like to emphasize.

Apologies are an important part of the abuser’s playbook.

And as Lundy Bancroft states in Why Does He Do That?, it doesn’t really matter if the abuser’s apology is sincere or not.

The salient point about remorse, however, is that it matters little whether it is genuine or not. Clients who get very sorry after acts of abuse change at about the same rate as the ones who don’t. The most regretful are sometimes the most self-centered, lamenting above all the injury they’ve done to their own self-image. They feel ashamed of having behaved like cruel dictators and want to revert quickly to the role of benign dictators, as if that somehow makes them much better people.

This is the third time I’ve linked this image with regard to this situation, but it’s because it is paramount that we understand the abuser’s behavior as cyclical and the role that apologies play.

It’s a little counter-intuitive compared to non-abusive interactions. Under normal circumstances, an apology serves to say things like “hey I messed up and I’m sorry.” It’s part of making things right with someone else, and it’s considered part of the social contract that if someone is sorry for what they did, they will try to do better in the future.

But in the context of the cycle of abuse, that’s not what happens when an abuser apologizes.

Another quote from Bancroft:

After he has purged himself, he typically acts ashamed or regretful about his cruelty or violence, at least in the early years of a relationship. Then he may enter a period when he reminds you of the man you fell in love with—charming, attentive, funny, kind. His actions have the effect of drawing you into a repetitive traumatic cycle in which you hope each time that he is finally going to change for good. You then begin to see the signs of his next slow slide back into abuse, and your anxiety and confusion rise again.

[Once more please excuse the pronouns and specifically gendered way Bancroft has written this book. He is addressing heterosexual romantic relationships because that is what he worked with most in his practice, but so much about abuse is common regardless of the type of personal relationship.]

Ultimately, whether or not an abuser feels sorry means nothing. If they’re going to become a better person, what’s required is that they change the fundamental beliefs, behaviors, and actions that made them an abuser in the first place.

So, let’s talk this second apology.

What does it take for an abuser to change?

In my last extensive post, I quoted Bancroft’s example of what it would take for a man to fully take accountability for vindictively cutting down a neighbor’s tree. So how does Bancroft relate this to abuse, and what abusers must do to truly become better?

I’m going to quote this part in full and it’s a long one, so bear with me. Some details are especially romantic relationship specific, but I left it all in because they are necessary to communicate just how all-encompassing true change for an abuser has to be.

1. Admit fully to his history of psychological, sexual, and physical abusiveness toward any current or past partners whom he has abused. Denial and minimizing need to stop, including discrediting your memory of what happened. He can’t change if he is continuing to cover up, to others or to himself, important parts of what he has done.

2. Acknowledge that the abuse was wrong, unconditionally. He needs to identify the justifications he has tended to use, including the various ways that he may have blamed you, and to talk in detail about why his behaviors were unacceptable without slipping back into defending them.

3. Acknowledge that his behavior was a choice, not a loss of control. For example, he needs to recognize that there is a moment during each incident at which he gives himself permission to become abusive and that he chooses how far to let himself go.

4. Recognize the effects his abuse has had on you and your children, and show empathy for those. He needs to talk in detail about the short-and longterm impact that his abuse has had, including fear, loss of trust, anger, and loss of freedom and other rights. And he needs to do this without reverting to feeling sorry for himself or talking about how hard the experience has been for him.

5. Identify in detail his pattern of controlling behaviors and entitled attitudes. He needs to speak in detail about the day-to-day tactics of abuse he has used. Equally important, he must be able to identify his underlying beliefs and values that have driven those behaviors, such as considering himself entitled to constant attention, looking down on you as inferior, or believing that men aren’t responsible for their actions if “provoked” by a partner.

6. Develop respectful behaviors and attitudes to replace the abusive ones he is stopping. You can look for examples such as improving how well he listens to you during conflicts and at other times, carrying his weight of household responsibilities and child care, and supporting your independence. He has to demonstrate that he has come to accept the fact that you have rights and that they are equal to his.

7. Reevaluate his distorted image of you, replacing it with a more positive and empathic view. He has to recognize that he has had mental habits of focusing on and exaggerating his grievances against you and his perceptions of your weaknesses and to begin instead to compliment you and pay attention to your strengths and abilities.

8. Make amends for the damage he has done. He has to develop a sense that he has a debt to you and to your children as a result of his abusiveness. He can start to make up somewhat for his actions by being consistently kind and supportive, putting his own needs on the back burner for a couple of years, talking with people whom he has misled in regard to the abuse and admitting to them that he lied, paying for objects that he has damaged, and many other steps related to cleaning up the emotional and literal messes that his behaviors have caused. (At the same time, he needs to accept that he may never be able to fully compensate you.)

9. Accept the consequences of his actions. He should stop whining about, or blaming you for, problems that are the result of his abuse, such as your loss of desire to be sexual with him, the children’s tendency to prefer you, or the fact that he is on probation.

10. Commit to not repeating his abusive behaviors and honor that commitment. He should not place any conditions on his improvement, such as saying that he won’t call you names as long as you don’t raise your voice to him. If he does backslide, he cannot justify his abusive behaviors by saying, “But I’ve done great for five months; you can’t expect me to be perfect,” as if a good period earned him chips to spend on occasional abuse.

11. Accept the need to give up his privileges and do so. This means saying good-bye to double standards, to flirting with other women, to taking off with his friends all weekend while you look after the children, and to being allowed to express anger while you are not.

12. Accept that overcoming abusiveness is likely to be a lifelong process. He at no time can claim that his work is done by saying to you, “I’ve changed but you haven’t,” or complain that he is sick of hearing about his abuse and control and that “it’s time to get past all that.” He needs to come to terms with the fact that he will probably need to be working on his issues for good and that you may feel the effects of what he has done for many years.

13. Be willing to be accountable for his actions, both past and future. His attitude that he is above reproach has to be replaced by a willingness to accept feedback and criticism, to be honest about any backsliding, and to be answerable for what he does and how it affects you and your children.

If this sounds like a lot, that’s because it is. But as Bancroft says himself:

Abusive men don’t make lasting changes if they skip any of the above steps, and some are easier than others. Most of my clients find it fairly easy to apologize, for example. In fact, an abuser may weave apologies into his pattern of abuse, so that when he says “I’m sorry,” it becomes another weapon in his hand.

[...]

But even a genuine and sincere apology is only a starting point. Many of my clients make it through the first three steps: They admit to a substantial portion of their abuse; they agree that their actions resulted from choice rather than loss of control; and they apologize. Then they dig in their heels at that point. An abuser’s sense of entitlement is like a rude, arrogant voice screaming inside his head. It yells at him: “You’ve given up too much already; don’t budge another inch. They already talked you into saying your abuse is all your own fault when you know she’s at least half to blame because of the shit that she does. She should be grateful to you for apologizing; that wasn’t easy to do. She’s lucky you’ve gone this far; a lot of guys would tell her to go screw, you know.” And the voice drags him back into the mud that he had finally taken a couple of baby steps out of.

So if your conclusion from all of this is that there is no apology from Oz that will be good enough, what do you mean by “good enough”? Does “good enough” mean, displays that they will be able to affect genuine change on themselves and improve? Because if that’s the case, then you’re right. Abusers can and do sincerely and genuinely apologize, then go on to repeat the cycle of abuse once more.

That is the typical behavior after an apology. If Oz is going to stop being an abuser, they’re going to have to do a whole lot more than offer a good apology.

And this still wasn’t a good apology.

The second apology

This reads like Oz saw our criticisms and then, like a student making cuts to a paper after their teacher’s instruction, cut out everything we specifically objected to without understanding why we took umbrage with it in the first place.

Honestly? This is not a good start.

I’m going to respond to a request I’ve seen that I be more plainspoken and more direct. I originally worried that might come across flippant and dismissive, but I appreciate not everyone sees it the same way. I apologise in advance if this comes across a little too conversational or free-association.

The problem was not you talking “too smart” or with the “wrong tone” as you seemed to say in your conversation with @captain-ameribunny. The problem was that you were more interested in saying what you didn’t do and deflecting accountability than actually owning what you did.

I know I have hurt people and I am sorry. There were times it was absolutely my intent to do harm. Regardless of what reason I had, where I was in that moment, that’s what I did.

So why mention your reasons or “where you were in that moment” at all? Tucked away in the heart of that is the ghost of what you truncated from your first apology- all your attempts to say outside influences drove you to the behavior. It’s like a door you carved into your words. You shoved your justifications behind the threshold then closed the door behind them. Perfectly poised to open at the right opportunity to explain away what you did and why you did it. To others, and to yourself.

If you are one of those people, I apologise. Knowing full well the feelings of alienation that come from someone turning their anger on you, I engaged in that exact anger. I knowingly used that fear to bad ends and displayed a general lack of empathy.

I responded to conflict in destructive, unhealthy, and sometimes objectively cruel ways. I blurred the lines between the minor failures of others and critical flaws that define people for what they are. I used the simple humanity of other people as leverage against them and refused to show compassion for the pain that caused.

I harassed and held grudges against people who didn’t deserve it. When those people defended themselves, I used that natural and rational reaction as a reason to mock them and as proof of the vile image of them I had created.

This section has a very similar problem to the one previous. By claiming they blurred the lines between “the minor failures of others and critical flaws that define people for what they are,” Oz is still subtly saying that the people they went after did something wrong. They’ve essentially labeled their behavior as a destructive overreaction, but leaves room to state that sometimes it was deserved.

Oz of course doesn’t clarify exactly which people “deserved it” and which didn’t.

I said in my previous apology that I am sorry for contributing to a cycle of anger and anguish and I stand by that. What I did made the world a worse place. I excused countless of my own wrongs that went on to hurt innocent people, directly and indirectly. There were times I saw the hurt I caused and simply chose to not care because of whatever validation I found to justify that and all I can say now is that I am sorry.

Honestly, a blanket apology isn’t enough for this. You gleefully trashed people publically for months. Sometimes years. You prided yourself on trying to drive your targets out of the community. If some of those people were innocent, wouldn’t directly coming out about how you mistreated them and you were wrong do a lot to help make things right?

But instead, you’re still asking for people to approach you in private for anything beyond general apologies.

I do not know who does and does not wish to speak with me about any of this and I do not want anyone to feel put-upon or isolated by me trying to initiate that. If you feel you would benefit from speaking to me about any way I’ve wronged you, please, I invite you to do so. I want to hear what you have to say and I would appreciate the chance to extend my apology to you personally.

First off, you’ve framed it in a way to sound like you’re leaving this at a blanket apology for the benefit of the people you’ve hurt.

The thing is, if you’re not willing to publically walk back the specific terrible things you said and did, what’s to stop that harm from continuing? All the whispers you spread about people will persist. Reputations will still lie in tatters.

And furthermore, if you’re not willing to publically state which specific examples were wrong, you’ve given us plenty of room to believe you’re apologizing for those examples without you actually ever stating you were abusive in that particular situation.

After all, you just reminded us that sometimes you went after people for “minor failures” but other times it was because of “critical flaws.” Which was which? Are you willing to own up to the exact examples you completely mistreated someone?

Frankly, it does you more good to leave this at a blanket apology than it does the people you hurt. It saves you from having to specifically look us in the eye and tell us that all that fire you breathed at so-and-so was actually abuse.

And beyond this, now that we’ve gone through your entire second apology- are you going to own up to how you first responded to people calling you out with unbridled rage? Then with talking repeatedly about how this was all just manufactured outrage that was going to blow over? Then with claims that other outside forces made you this way, that people enabled you, that your intentions were good, that this was just a relapse, and we should qualify and excuse your behavior for any or all of these reasons?

If you don’t actively own up to- and stop- this kind of behavior, then you won’t change.

Your only qualification on this post was that you weren’t plainspoken and direct enough the first time. Really, if that’s what you think the problem was, then you don’t get it at all.

So while we’re speaking of some of the specific things you said, let’s take a look at some examples.

Specific examples of behavior

The Tweets

Let’s recount the last time you actually got specific about anything you were accused of: https://imgur.com/a/GFfW0f2

This is the album of tweets that I linked in the last post I made. You’re still pretty general about it, sure. But you are speaking very clearly about various topics and saying that under no circumstances have you endorsed or done them.

As I pointed out in my last post, we have screenshots that show you did some of these things. So, is your stance still that you did not in fact do any of it, despite our hard evidence that you did? Which of the screenshots are things that you didn’t actually do? Are the people who provided those screenshots liars, or did you genuinely wrong them? I’d like to hear your explanation. Publically, please.

<<SASS>>

I’m going to start this section by linking @honhonoura ‘s post: http://honhonoura.tumblr.com/post/175621265651/i-am-a-knight-of-the-round-vegetable

But the reason I’m speaking on this in particular is, over the course of things, I was provided with some screenshots that I am now sharing with permission. Since you deleted your blog, it’s much harder to find evidence of your abuse, but as we’ve observed some of your victims recorded what you did to them long before. All of these posts were there. And they were very public, I might add.

Oz is going on about this here because one of the <<SASS>> members was autistic.

In it, Oz has stated that if someone is too mentally ill to accept responsibility for abusive actions and can’t stop themselves from abusing other people, they shouldn’t run a guild or put themselves in charge of others.

Here, Oz is very insistent that someone who has been abusive paints themselves as the victim, they’re doing something wrong. I presume that “painting yourself as a victim” includes stating that someone else abused you, which motivated you to be abusive yourself.

In both of these posts, Oz has made very strong statements about abuse and what it is acceptable for the abuser to do and not do. They were made in the context of calling someone else out, the context that @honhonoura elaborated on in her post.

Oz, do you still stand by your opinions in these posts? Do you believe you were justified in posting them? Do you believe they were aimed at an appropriate target? Would you say you went after <<SASS>> because you perceived, to use your own words, a “minor failure” or a “critical flaw that define people for what they are”?

Your post about <<SASS>> in 2018 before you deleted your Tumblr certainly gave every indication that you stood by what you did them in 2014. You were very willing to talk about them the same way today that you did back then, so I would like to hear your stance on everything I’ve just shared now. And again, since you went to such great lengths to publically smear their name, I would like your response publically please.

Balmung Blessings

I would like to share with everyone the two posts that motivated me to unfollow Balmung Blessings long before I knew who ran it.

Post 1: https://imgur.com/a/PU09rG1

Post 2: https://imgur.com/a/uuTL4tD

The first post is very... long.

At the time I read it, not knowing Oz was involved, the part that gave me pause began where they spoke about how the blog was approaching 800 followers, which starts on image 9 of the album.

It struck me as deeply uncomfortable that their number of followers motivated their thoughts towards how that would give them power over the community. They spoke of it as influence and mused on how they “weren’t sure what to do with that ‘power.’” As if that was something that could be wielded over people.

Uh. When I approached 800 followers, you want to know what my biggest thought was?

“Ho jeez that’s a lot of people HOLY FUCK WHERE DID YOU ALL COME FROM man I better not be a fuckhead.”

The primary feeling that my follower count gives me- aside from general “when did you all get here??”- is a sense of responsibility. If a lot of people are going to read what I write, that means I should try extra hard to only contribute in productive and positive ways because I don’t want to inadvertently hurt people.

The very notion of looking at that number and perceiving it as power makes me feel sick. Physically ill, with a twist of revulsion to my stomach. I don’t care how many followers I have. I’m not here to control people.

Post 2 followed the first shortly after. So, this means that after Oz wrote about how much value they placed on the number of followers their blogs receive- specifically about the sense of power over other people it gave them- stated that they follow many FFXIV blogs because they interacted with Balmung Blessings.

If you interacted with Balmung Blessings, they were likely to bestow followership upon you- and all the significance Oz ascribed to it. Something like quid pro quo.

Back when these posts were written, this made me extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t like the idea that my interaction with the blog was being viewed by the blogrunner as a contribution to a platform to community power. So, I quietly unfollowed the blog.

Learning that Oz was the runner of Balmung Blessings certainly puts those two posts in a different light.

Oz, after all, has placed a great deal of importance on having weight in the community. They have used what influence they’ve sought to gather like a cudgel against other people.

They were also not above using the Balmung Blessings platform to suit their own means.

Post 3: https://imgur.com/a/Y439os2

This was made shortly before Oz deleted the blog.

[As a sidenote, I absolutely do not condone sending anonymous hate to anyone under any circumstances. And certainly not spurred by a secrets blog.]

First, even as Oz states they try not to pay too much attention to followers, they still referred to their number of followers as if that was some sort of personal endorsement. They continued to ascribe great meaning to that number, as if that gave them something.

Second, here we see Oz using the Balmung Blessings platform to discount the accusations being made against them- even though on Balmung Blessings they never stated their ownership of the blog- referring to it as “passing drama.”

Third, they then proceed to talk about how callout posts don’t fix things, they are destructive, and they are wrong.

Oz, is this an opinion you share of the callout posts that you made? Because you have made many.

And finally,

Post 4: https://imgur.com/a/u9TNaUb

Here under the Balmung Blessings platform, Oz asserts that “anyone has a place in our community as long as they’re doing their level best to be a good and conscientious member,” however if “someone thinks actively spreading hate and inevitably some amount of completely fallacious gossip is doing that,” then they need to either change or leave.

Between the posts about <<SASS>> and the messages relayed through the Balmung Blessings platform, it is clear that Oz has very strong opinions about what is right and wrong behavior when it comes to the actions of other people.

So, Oz. You’ve said an awful lot of things about how people who are shitty and toxic and abusive need to stop leading groups, how they have no excuses for their behavior, and how they either need to change or leave.

What would you want someone to do if they’d wronged you the same way you’ve wronged other people?

Are you willing to apply the same standards that you’ve ascribed to other people’s behavior for yourself? Were the standards themselves wrong? I would also like an answer to this. And just like the others, I would like it publically please.

Why are these answers important?

As detailed by Bancroft, just apologizing- sincerely or no- isn’t enough for an abuser to change.

The abuser has to fix their fundamental beliefs and behaviors. If they don’t, they will repeat the cycle of abuse.

The specific examples I’ve brought up throughout this post target a few main points in Oz’s conduct.

1. Denial, deflection, and poisoning the well. Oz has used all of these tactics to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. They have denied behavior we all saw proof of. They have deflected the accusations numerous ways- whether stating it’s all just drama that will blow over, blaming it on Adrian, so on and so forth. And they have actively smeared their targets in ways that are intended to make others distrust or disregard any accusations of wrongdoing.

All of these are common abuser behaviors used to escape criticism and responsibility. If Oz is to change, they will have to fully acknowledge the specific ways they perform these behaviors and then dismantle them.

2. Entitlement. Abusers act on double-standards. They are entitled to enact a certain behavior or feel a particular emotion, but the abused is not. Anger is a common target. The abuser believes their anger is acceptable, however the anger of the abused is unreasonable or unjustified. And as Bancroft points out, just because the abuser apologizes, that doesn’t mean they’ve given these beliefs up.

If Oz is to change, they will have to acknowledge the disparities in their belief system that they utilized to justify their own behavior while castigating that same behavior in others. But not only that, they will have to relinquish all double-standards and any of the advantages those gave them.

3. Power. To bring back the quote from Bancroft used in my previous post:

The term abuse is about power; it means that a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control someone else.

Oz’s fixation on and interpretation of follower counts speaks to a deepset focus on establishing power over other people. Indeed, that sort of power is something Oz has regularly sought out. They have openly spoken of getting a thrill out of making others afraid, and one need only look to one of their “crusades” to see how willing they are to use this power like a sledgehammer against someone else.

If Oz is to change, they are going to have to give this up. Period. Because fixing abusive behavior requires the abuser to relinquish the advantages that behaving abusively gave, Oz needs to relinquish their desire to obtain power. And they absolutely need to refrain from using their social platforms against other people.

These three points are merely a handful of the beliefs and behaviors Oz will need to fix if they are going to change.

Putting up a couple blanket apologies and telling people they can contact them privately for anything more isn’t anywhere close to what needs to happen.

Given how perfectly everything fits into the cycle of abuse thus far, and with how rare it is for an abuser to actually change, I would advise everyone to be very cautious about taking their apologies as a sign that they will improve.

Oz, since I know you’re going to read this- I’ve said it once before and I’ll say it again. If you aren’t already getting professional help for this you should get some. And you should try to find someone who specializes in helping abusers. Be upfront with them about what you did, and don’t try to wriggle away from it.

If you are truly sincere about believing your behavior was reprehensible, then do what it takes to change it. This is what it takes. And it’s a long hard journey, but if you have the bravery and the strength to follow through, then it’ll be worth it in the end when you never hurt another person this way again.

#longpost #thelegendofkungjew #abuse #community talk #extremely long #it kind of exploded #but I had a lot to say #this literally took 6 hours

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divyaakshah · 3 years

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Get Compensated For Your Losses With Best Burn Injury Attorney

Burns can happen in quite a few circumstances, including mishaps caused by carelessness, recklessness, or deliberate misconduct. Burns damage your body tissue because of heat, chemicals, electricity, or radiation. Burning wounds are brought about by accident which can be caused by an accident.In case of any accidental burn, a burn injury lawyer can be of great help.

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terrysacia-blog-blog · 4 years

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Financial Advice and Tips for Divorcing Men

Films and TV shows often depict women going through divorce as celebrated victims. On the other side, men are typically portrayed as silent sufferers who feel anger, fear, resentment and fear over the emotional turmoil of a breaking family and lingering financial distress.

In truth, though, men don’t always have the tools to deal with such issues. Men will naturally decide to keep their divorce matters private and avoid involving any friends or family. While the emotional aspect of the divorce can be handled later with the help of therapists, peers, etc., men need to address their finances in good time.

Even though you’ve been handling the family’s finances while still married, you still need to recognize your financial and legal options. Getting a financial expert or men’s divorce attorney, or monitoring your finances yourself are proactive steps you can take instead of allowing the divorce case to happen to you. Here are financial tips men can take advantage of during their divorce.

Know the Cost for Divorce

Getting a divorce is expensive, especially for men with high net worth businesses. The cost may cross the 20k dollar mark if you have to find a second place to live, hire a therapist for your kids, and divorce lawyers for men to represent you.

While the costs may vary, the numbers might skyrocket if you need to hire niche experts such as a forensic accountant to provide the best interest evaluation of your business or marital property.

However, a divorce with already established terms even before filing, and doesn’t have any kids involved or any other hotly contested matter – can be cheap.

As a man with kids, always remember that the more money you use in extreme litigation, the less money your kids will have: education, savings, etc. Let your partner understand this too.

Don’t Be Too Proud To Collect Alimony

If your soon-to-be ex-wife left the workforce to support the family, you might have to support her financially even after your divorce is finalized. Depending on your state, this alimony payment may be a lump sum amount, regular payments, or any other arrangement, such as a cut on a check.

In situations where the wife made more money than the man, maybe because the man is a stay at home father, the ex-husband may be entitled to get spousal support. This is a growing trend in America and shouldn’t make you feel belittled. Most men will start feeling insecure about the whole situation but remember you sacrificed your career to take care of the entire family. So, accept any spousal support you’ll be awarded because you’re entitled to it.

Look For Alternative Child Support Solutions

If your marriage has kids, you’ll be required to pay child support, which is different from spousal support. These payments will cover what the child needs like food, clothing, education expenses, etc. However, most parents will start arguing over these costs.

The needs of a child may be difficult to itemize and quantify in monetary value. Most dads will feel like child support payments may not be benefiting their children directly. Therefore, many will ask for slips, statements, invoices, etc.

There may be hybrid solutions to such problems. Rather than sending the money to your ex-wife and fighting over it later, look for ways you can pay a service provider directly. For example, if you have to pay for your child’s transportation or child care, pay it directly to the provider. This of course will depend on your state child support laws.

Learn Budgeting

Most men will only think about the money they need to pay as divorce-related expenses – alimony, child support, the divorce itself. Many will forget that everyday expenses will abruptly change once they are single again.

For instance, if you have kids and are awarded joint custody, you may need to purchase new toys for your new house. It would be best if you balanced your needs and wants through an efficient budget that considers your present and future needs. You may need to sit down with a financial planner to discuss logistics and ways to manage your financial future.

Move Your Documents

When getting ready to face your spouse in a divorce petition, she might go through your things, trying to get evidence against you. Any document with your financial information is a potential piece of evidence.

Plan on how you will move your papers, documents and records to a different location such as to the office of your men’s divorce attorney or a friend’s place.

Don’t Make Promises Too Soon

One common mistake men make in divorce is making promises before they understand the true situation. Do not promise her anything until you have all the facts about the law, your budget post-divorce, your rights and her rights too.

Even though your promises are unreasonable or unattainable, she will hold you to them. For instance, if you have children and you are planning to co-parent, don’t start the co-parenting relationship with promises you don’t intend to keep. It will hurt both of you.

Handling Pensions

Retirement plans and pensions acquired during the marriage are regarded as marital property and can be divided by the court. Many men have an emotional attachment to such funds and often try to negotiate a settlement that will allow them to keep these types of assets. However, remember that these are considered taxable income once you receive them.

If you’ve been earning more than your wife, you’re likely to be in a higher tax bracket than her. Use this opportunity to give her the entire settlement, which will then be adjusted to her tax rate. You will end up saving a lot in taxes.

Take Inventory of Your House Possessions

To be on the safe side, take an inventory of everything in your house. You can videotape or take pictures of the house, including any furniture, clothing, jewelry, appliances, etc. If something suddenly misses from the house, you will have evidence for it. Note that you will need to date your inventory.

Move Your Safe Deposit Box and Any Valuables

If you have any valuables in the house, such as jewelry, cash, artwork, and collections, it is time to move them out of the house. You can use a safe deposit box away from the house to store your valuables. If you have a safe deposit box in the house and your spouse has access to it, you may want to move any valuables to a safe location.

This is not a way of hiding things but a way of protecting your valuables. You don’t want to come home from work to find your valuables sold off at a yard sale. Repeat this for any storage units you may have.

Accept Help

Our last tip is for you to realize that you don’t know everything. Many men will try to engage in money-saving activities such as attempting to go for a do-it-yourself divorce. This is a terrible idea. Divorce petitions have extreme complexities – both legal and financial – you wouldn’t be aware of until they are mentioned in court. You will save thousands of dollars if you efficiently cover your bases at the outset.

Getting professional advice is the very least you can do to ensure your agreement is enforceable. Otherwise, get an experienced divorce lawyer for men right away. The first consultation meeting will give you a good idea of what lies ahead of you and what strategy to take, depending on your needs and circumstances.

Conclusion

Divorce is a major life event. Men naturally try to suppress what they feel, but this shouldn’t be your case. It is okay to grieve, be emotional, or hurt, and feel the pain of divorce. But this shouldn’t mean engaging in impulsive financial decisions to compensate for what you feel inside.

We encourage you to avoid making any significant financial decisions that could potentially affect your future for at least one year. During this period, avoid switching jobs or moving to a new city. In essence, maintain a status quo for one year as you deal with this adjustment.

#Divorce Lawyers for Men

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lokgifsandmusings · 7 years

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Definitive Ranking of Book 4 Episodes, #2/13

2. 4x13 The Last Stand

Kuvira tears off her arm. Mako makes a Heroic Sacrifice and no one will heal him. Korra and Kuvira fight, until Korra freakin’ bends pure energy, rips apart the city, and demonstrates her growth in one quick spirit world conversation. Hasook fulfills his clarinetist destiny. We get the most ambiguous ending everrrrr.

You know, after going back through this whole season, I’m realizing that there were a lot of flaws with Book 4. A lot. It’s not to the point where I feel this episode ranking as second highest is unearned, but it is making really wonder about “what would this have looked like had Bryke been given more time?”

The thing is, with this episode, the emotional beats are nearly perfect for Korra. And that’s really what matters, given that the show is...well...the legend of *her*. Even for most other characters, this conclusion was (dare I say it?) dramatically satisfying. Thematically satisfying, too.

But at the same time, what didn’t work is only more and more glaring with each revisit, and especially after thinking through it.

Kuvira is probably the hardest character to reconcile, because she’s the primary antagonist, and yet up until Korra dropped the “oh you’re an orphan” truth-bomb that explained ~~all~~ of Kuvira’s actions, there was every indication that her guiding motivation was much more about her perceived rejection by Suyin, or a desperation to prove her wrong, or a mentor’s fall from grace when an inherent hypocrisy was shown...

Honestly, from just the perspective of Kuvira’s arc, dismissing everything as “you were sad about your parents (who you never talked about once) leaving you with the creepy thought-policing matriarch and you didn’t want to ditch the EK in the same way” is almost insulting. Kuvira like...made compelling points in the Suyin-filtered flashback about why Su should accept Raiko and Tenzin’s offer, and it seemed to be coming from a place of pure pragmatism, not compensation for abandonment or a way of gaining control. Actually, she framed it about sharing prosperity:

Kuvira: Suyin, I know this isn't my place, but I think you should do this. Zaofu has always been a beacon of modern progress, and now you can share that with everyone.

Suyin: What would you have me do? March into Ba Sing Se with an army? We'd be seen as conquerors and greeted with nothing but war.

Kuvira: There are already wars. The Earth Queen nearly destroyed our nation. This is our opportunity to change things.

Also, fun fact: Suyin didn’t even tell Korra that Kuvira was an orphan; she barely even implied it.

Korra: How did things get so bad between you and Kuvira? I thought she was your protégé.

Suyin: She was more than that. She was like a daughter to me. I took her in when she was eight years old and nourished her talents. Kuvira was smart, a natural leader, and quickly rose through the ranks. I saw myself in her.

Like, this could have meant anything. Maybe she took her into her School of Metalbending Dancing and Narcissism. Maybe this is a nitpick, but it just amuses me if there was some version of this scene where Korra is like “it must have been so hard being an orphan,” and Kuvira goes, “...wtf my parents are FINE.”

Back the main point here, the difficulty in parsing out Kuvira’s guiding motivations and meaning of her own arc is not made better by the fact that her political position and military campaign were incredibly poorly defined. This is nothing new for Bryke, but with regard to this episode specifically, there’s still the question of why Kuvira was even interested in reclaiming UR land when she was supposedly just a technocrat that opposed the Earth Queen’s unjust rule, and had spent a painstaking amount of time laying down tracks to connect the two nations in what seemed like a cooperative measure and to truly bring the EK up to speed with the rest of the world. Was storming Republic City always her plan? Would she have been able to without the super laser that she didn’t know was being invented (Varrick was just looking for clean energy, remember)? After successfully taking Republic City, was she going to lock up every citizen there not of EK origin?

The general idea is that she was supposed to be earnestly committed to restoring stability in the Earth Kingdom, while also pushing forth innovation, and that when Korra pointed out how horrible and out-of-balance she was, it was a comeuppance and reality slap. I guess in this respect, the broader strokes make sense, but then there was so much that seemed so personally motivated, like...everything to do with Zaofu (she even made a point of saying “when I return I’ll be greeted with open arms), and then wrecking all of Republic City.

Even ignoring motivations, there’s logistics, because Kuvira’s disappearing army (and the disappearing United Forces) was still very much evident here, especially since mecha tank officers came clomping back into view at the end, and she needed to instruct them to stand-down. It kind of makes me giggle to think that Varrick powered down these suits, and the morons just lay on the ground helplessly until they were up and running again. But there were also all those ground troops and shit, so...

Oh yeah, and Raiko formally surrendered. There should have been an entire platoon sent to the island as soon as Kuvira realized Baatar had been captured while traveling there.

None of this is a specific issue to “The Last Stand,” but it does make the resolution feel a little...convenient. As though all these things were just dismissed and swept under the rug. This is best exemplified in Suyin’s line as a response to Kuvira’s apology, where she goes, “you’re going to answer for everything you’ve done!” Like, that didn’t even follow what Kuvira had said! Though there’s also a chance that this was a place-holder line they never bothered to change (or ran out of time to change). It’s not the only one with this vibe.

At the end of the day, Kuvira worked fine for Korra. But the way she had been scripted herself, there was really no telling how she’d react to a given situation until after the fact. I could have seen her, stirring from the rubble, having the same exact spirit world conversation with Korra, rather than running away to find Chekhov’s very literal gun. She trashed an entire fucking city and nearly died already just with Mega Maid’s explosion, after all.

Most of the other challenges of this episode have to do with the wrap party, because it was pretty clear that Bryke had a case of “we have X minutes to conclude all of this.” Enter bizarre conversation after bizarre conversation.

It’s not exactly a secret that I’m currently writing on a fic that tries to make sense of “why the hell does this wedding feel as though it is simultaneously the day after the fight, and two months down the road?” Word of God is that the wedding is 2 weeks later, which may or may not have been made up by Mike on the spot. But it’s just all so wonky. Korra is acting as though she hasn’t talked to anyone, Wu and Mako certainly haven’t seen each other since the evacuation, Tenzin only just talked to Raiko, and yet Zhurrick planned an entire wedding and somehow world leaders were able to travel to the still utterly destroyed city to enjoy it.

It’s WONKY, I’m telling you. The worst case offender?

This is a terrible fucking idea. I get that it’s a Y7 American show and we have to be pro ~~democracy~~ as a general concept, but the logistics behind it make no sense. I suppose in the context of Wu’s arc, him stepping aside because he doesn’t feel qualified is fitting. Granted, I thought the whole “you were calm during the evacuation and also badger moles like you” stuff was to show how he does have leadership potential, so long as he plays to his strengths and allows those more informed than him to take the lead on other matters. But I suppose we can say it was part of a bigger picture: Wu learning to be less of an entitled asshole. He pushed himself and stepped up when the world needed him to, but in the end “sometimes a good evacuation is its own reward.” Nice.

Now go and create a horrible panic by tossing the EK’s political and legal structures out the window!

The Mako/Korra conversation was a very nice endcap to Mako’s season-long arc, and the series long relationship between these two characters. They were incompatible as romantic partners, but Mako found meaning in their platonic friendship, looking to Korra as inspiration to be more selfless. It’s just nice. And it’s nice to see exes being nice and not jealous or still hurt or pining or whatnot. Nice.

That said, Wu’s role in Mako’s arc is a headscratcher. Mako definitely had an influence on him, but the other way around...I’ve got nothin’. Unless we consider Wuko a possibility, because IT IS THERE, DAMNIT. Except, I really don’t think Bryke meant for it to be there. Which means that Mako played a bit more of a supporting role for Wu than the other way around. Wu had diddly squat to do with Mako feeling inspired and self-sacrificial...that was a decision Mako reached inside Mega Maid as a result of watching a clip show about his relationship with Korra.

And yeah, let’s actually talk about that moment, because it was probably the second most emotional point of the episode. For those who don’t know, it’s also the point where I realized, at 5:50 in the morning, that I was going to start bawling in the middle of Planet Fitness if I stayed, so I cut that short and went home to finish out the episode.

It was touching, even if Bolin’s “This isn't the time to prove how awesome you are. I already know how awesome you are... you're awesome.” lines were incredibly odd. However... Looking back, this was probably the dumbest thing Mako could have done in this moment.

The weapon was disabled (he knew Su and Lin were taking care of that), and Korra was in the “head” having a fight to the death. There was no pressing need to power down Mega Maid at that point (Kuvira initiated lockdown as soon as they got in, actually), and the only thing he knew was that he could probably get it to explode. With everyone still inside. All things considered, how Mako didn’t just kill everyone inside the tank is beyond me. How Mako didn’t die is equally beyond me, cause dude got shot squarely in the chest. I mean yes, Bolin came back for him (where did he even dump the other bodies? The legs?), but Mako has a heart and stuff.

I don’t want to detract from the message of “Mako is an incredibly selfless hero,” but the logistics get in the way. It’s like Bryke wanted him to have this moment, but they didn’t take the time to figure out a realistic way it could unfold, so it just happened. Which is jarring, especially since this immediately followed Hiroshi’s sacrifice from the previous episode. Snaps for Mako, but 10 points from Brykendor for the contrivance.

Also as a side note: poor Bolin, this episode. I mean yes, he’s in a good place, and he got to marry Zhurrick (I can confirm: officiating a wedding is mad fun), but the dude didn’t even get a Conversation of Significance with anyone. Needless to say I’m going to be fixing that with my final chapter...

Let’s just round out the Krew then and discuss Asami. And I 👏👏don’t👏👏fucking👏👏know👏👏 what to do with her.

I mean, you know what Asami means to me as a character at this point. And Korrasami. But going back through and watching this season, there’s a few things that are blindingly clear.

1. The scripting is bizarre. Not just for Asami—across the board. There are lines that feel outright unedited. For instance:

“When the queen fell, and everyone was asking you to help keep the Earth Kingdom from falling apart, all you wanted to do was hide in Zaofu, and let others deal with the consequences.”

It’s not as though lines like that don’t work, but it’s the kind of thing where if that were in fic I was beta-reading, I’d highlight “fell” and “falling” so the author would know to take out one of the repetitive phrases.

For characters with a lot of lines, the lack of polish can be overlooked, for the most part. For Asami, who had an incredibly limited screen presence during Book 4, things stick out.

2. Seychelle Gabriel’s voice acting was...different. It wasn’t bad, but some of her lines had a certain stilted quality to them. I’ve actually noticed that with just about every character in Book 4 that wasn’t Varrick or Bolin (that’s just John Michael Higgins and PJ Byrne falling back on their comedic chops), with a big exception in Korra. I sort of think Janet Varney didn’t settle into a consistent voice for her *until* Book 4, but that’s a whole other story, and yes, deeply subjective.

The best example I can point to for Gabriel is the way she delivers, “Thank you. I'm just glad I was able to forgive him.” It just had this awkwardness about it, and a good thing too, since I’m 95% certain that’s what spawned @progmanx’s entire fic, as well as my own views on her characterization (oh hey, we’re of one mind with that).

3. There really could have been more to Korrasami. Even with Russian TV restrictions. But I already talked about in my “Reunion” piece, so I won’t rehash here.

4. Asami’s scripting was pure *convenience*. I touch on it here for “Enemy at the Gates” and here for “Day of Colossus.” But it’s not really hard to recap.

Asami needs to open the lines of communication to her dad, so she does, and it is wonderfully, realistically hard on her. Then in a ridiculous scene, she spots a happy father and daughter, and decides she wants to work to forgive the man who tried to fucking kill her. We can assume she’s feeling conflicted about it because she snaps at Korra over it, but really, we have to just assume, because this shit is never talked about on-screen. Then Hiroshi pops in to save the day with his oddly specific technical knowledge of stuff he wasn’t working on. Then Asami tells him that she loves him before they go into a flying mecha suit to battle potentially to the death, and then Hiroshi dies.

And yes, I’ve talked a lot about what an internal character Asami is, so it would have just been odd if she suddenly started expositing on why she was feeling the way she did, but at the same time... When *did* she decide to forgive him? Was it just because he was willing to save the city? Does she even know if he’s changed his opinion of benders, or if he just regrets not having her in her life? Does she regret not seeing him sooner? Did she ever READ THOSE DAMN LETTERS?

So for her to sit her ass down next to Korra and say that she’s super sad but glad she forgave him... Well yeah, of course she’s sad. But she’d probably also be confused and conflicted and angry and guilty and a million other things just by how inherently fucked up this situation is. The last time she and her dad were in a mecha suit at the same time, he TRIED TO KILL HER. This isn’t hyperbole. He also saved the city from being destroyed *this time*, despite being the man who bombed it before. You see what I’m saying???

I think this is coming at a bad time, because I am working over and beyond to make sense of Asami’s headspace during this specific point in the story right now with ‘Half the Pieces’. I even gave her and Hiroshi another pai sho match so they could talk this shit over, and am kind of getting at the idea of her forgiving him as more of like, she really wants to have forgiven him and to have that closure after three years of incredible pain relating to him. But for what we got on our screens, it feels rushed, there’s just no other way around it. Rushed and simplified.

The most frustrating thing about Asami’s character is her wasted potential—the way they could have been using her as a foil to Korra so much sooner, the way her unique position as an industrialist went largely untouched, the way there is so much packed into her and given a little space, she will come and wallop you with a bag of feels (“you tainted our past and destroyed our future together”).

Yes, she’s in a support role, and I’m not advocating her being foregrounded over anyone else on the Krew, and certainly not over Tenzin. But keep in mind, this was the season that gave a very complete and detailed arc to Varrick and Wu, while also pushing Kuvira & the Beifong Family Drama as the main tension. So excuse me for just a little annoyance with what could have been.

What *was* for Asami here was...fine. It’s not like I can’t remember what her conversation with Korra felt like the first time, or how could it felt that for once in her craptastic life, she was getting to be happy for a little. And for Korra too, realizing she had been disconnected for too long, realizing through her letters and the distance that she was in love, realizing she can take time for herself—it just all made for a beautiful moment, even if I do think that it felt a tad clipped. Given how much ground Bryke needed to cover here, it’s not shocking.

As a last note before I get to Korra and begin explaining why this episode is #2, I want to briefly touch on Tenzin. He was simply not a major player in this season, and I guess that’s fine. His relationship to Korra was in focus for Book 2, with her becoming *her own Avatar* at the end, and then his relationship to his daughter and the Air Nation at large was Book 3. I don’t feel like anything was incomplete with Tenzin here on a larger scale, though it was a notable decision. I wonder if Book 4 had been given another pass, would there have been a more imaginative way to utilize his character?

I think that may have detracted from the impact of his final conversation with Korra, too. Or maybe that’s why it almost felt like it had bizarrely romantic undertones for a second, because it was hard to have a handle on where *they* were at with how they related to each other. Also he said the phrase “big bumpy ride” so...

And that conversation was the most, “let’s wrap up this Y7 show yup yup” that fell victim to extremely unfortunate wording. The idea was to show that Korra had found meaning in what she had been through, harkening back to Katara’s remark that Aang “chose to find meaning in his suffering and eventually found peace.” What Katara did not say was that Aang NEEDED TO EXPERIENCE THE GENOCIDE TO FIND PEACE. Because who the hell would say something like that.

There are negative implications of Korra saying she “needed” to suffer to be more compassionate, especially since compassion was never a department she was lacking in before. However, as a result of what she went through her approaches to situations did change, and her “go-to” mode of operation, altered. We saw her trying to fight against the “old me” in Zaofu, and that was simply ineffective. In this final chapter, we saw her take action as she needed to, only to finally talk the antagonist down in the end. It wasn’t an increase in compassion, but it was a result of her empathizing over the fear of being vulnerable—a fear we’ve seen Korra struggle with since the start.

“I may not have been an orphan, but believe me, I understand what it feels like to be afraid. [Sits down so she is at eye level with Kuvira.] After I was poisoned, I would have done anything to feel in control.”

Look, there’s a wonderful narrative here, and it just...fell over itself on the way to our screens, and that’s unfortunate. Because it would have required so little to fix.

If you’ll allow myself and @progmanx to be hubristic here, we actually did rewrite this for my upcoming chapter (not finalized yet, but it will be something along these lines):

“I know I was in a pretty dark place after I was poisoned; all I wanted to do was feel like myself again. And I think it took seeing Kuvira being so angry and scared of letting everyone down, just like I used to be, for me to finally realize what I already knew: I can never just go back and to being that person again, and I don’t want to be. I’ve seen now what fear can do and what it can drive people to...what it drove me to do, even if it didn’t hurt as many people. That’s a part of me, and there’s no undoing it. I don’t think I want to undo it, either. Your mom told me that Aang found meaning in his suffering. I guess if I’ve found mine, that’s it. We’re all afraid sometimes, but that doesn’t make us weak. In fact, it’s what makes us stronger.”

It’s almost as if I like A Song of Ice and Fire, or something.

Would a more diverse writers’ room have resulted in a different end line? Who can say. But this at least demonstrates why a diversity of voices and a willingness to think through the implications (something Bryke aren’t incapable of) is helpful.

If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll notice that #1 on this list is going to be “Korra Alone.” So I’m going to save fully gushing about Korra’s healing arc there.

But what I will say is that “The Last Stand” brought the series to a thematically apt, and rather uplifting conclusion. The season was about balance, but you could just as easily say that the series was too. This also tapped into “light in the dark,” only Book 4 took the time to explore that darkness rather than blow by it.

Seeing Korra so...at peace, was truly remarkable. We’ve seen her so insecure at many points in the series, and it really was just heartening to watch her be so decisive, so proactive, and also so *effective*, even if that meant switching approaches on the fly or, idk, leaping in front of a giant cannon and ripping open a hole in the universe and by doing so being so impressive that there was an instantly humbling effect on the megalomaniacal dictator to the point where Korra was able to talk her down with words alone.

It kind of makes me laugh, thinking of some of the Discourse™ as the finale ended: that Korra was “neutered” or “tamed.” Yeah those are great adjectives to attach to someone who threw themselves in front of a firing spirit cannon on an instinct. What we saw is a deeply matured and strategic Korra.

Remember, she was the over-eager hero who was told that the world didn’t need her. Her narrative was never going to be “I saved the day therefore I am,” but rather “Who am I when I’m not saving the day, and does that matter?”

Yes.

As for Korra, the world’s most powerful bender/spiritual leader of the masses/ with her ancient wisdom and sheltered upbringing ending up with the wealthy nonbending driver of modern innovation from the world’s biggest metropolis, well... that’s just the perfect endcap to the all-subtle balance theme. Nice.

Edit: 4/11/2017:

This entire piece wound up a little more focused on negatives than I wanted, so please read this reblog commentary for clarification/a few more notes on what was really great here.

#13: 4x08 “Remembrances”

#12: 4x11 “Kuvira’s Gambit”

#11: 4x09 “Beyond the Wilds”

#10: 4x07 “Reunion”

#9: 4x06 The “Battle of Zaofu”

#8. 4x12 “Day of Colossus”

#7 4x01 “After All These Years”

#6 4x03 “The Coronation”

#5 4x04 “The Calling”

#4 4x05 “Enemy at the Gates”

#3 4x10 “Operation Beifong”

Book 2 ranking/essays found here

#lok meta #korra #korra 4x13 #the last stand #book 4 ranking

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transcriptroopers · 7 years

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Introduction to Veteran Affairs

So the cool yet unnecessary thing about being a veteran is that the government feels really bad about being at war all the time, and instead of ending the wars they just put a little away toward caring for the veterans. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, also known simply as the VA, is a federally funded government program that supports veterans through various programs. Let me please clarify that “veteran” refers to any person who is or was once served in a branch of the armed forces, whether or not they were deployed, whether or not they served during wartime. Anyone who has been in the military is a veteran. Many people think that “veteran” only applies to old dude who were in Vietnam or something, including actual soldiers, and as a result many veterans mistakenly think they don't qualify for VA assistance.

When veterans leave the military, they're at extremely high risk for a variety of factors that can make it difficult, if not impossible, to assimilate back into the real world. Mental illness, physical disability, addiction/dependency, domestic abuse, and homelessness are a few of the overwhelmingly common issues among veterans. Unfortunately, the VA can only help veterans who reach out to them, meaning that untold numbers of veterans are suffering without help they completely qualify for. Assuming a veteran has either completed their contract or has at least twenty-four months of active duty or has at least 10% disability, they are entitled to a variety of VA services. These include housing assistance if their income is below a certain level, group counseling for substance abuse and domestic violence, individual therapy, and access to other programs, including healthcare.

With at least the first two points, (completed contract or at least twenty-four months) a veteran is eligible for VA healthcare, which may not completely cover all of their needs.

With the final point, a veteran is eligible for full VA health coverage, which includes access to specialty clinics. Veterans must apply for disability themselves by making appointments to submit paperwork/proof, testimonies, and receive physical exams to determine their disability. It’s a long process and it takes months, and if you’re denied you either have to start all over again or just accept that the military doesn’t consider you disabled.

Neither of the above points includes dentistry. The VA only covers dental for veterans who are at 100% disability, which is practically impossible to reach given the way the military calculates disability percentage which is kinda bullshit but whatever that's another rant for another day. Many cities don't have a local VA and must travel long distances to find assistance and treatment. The VA often offers compensation for this travel, but it requires filling out paperwork for each journey. They also offer shuttles sometimes, but that requires figuring out where the shuttle stop is and at what times the shuttle runs. Medical appointments can be made by either using the my healthevet (pronounced either healthy-vet or health e-vet) website assuming you've made an account. Medical and other appointments can be made by calling the nearest VA facility, where you'll then be forced to go through a series of phone labyrinths until you either find the automatic option you're looking for or you finally figure out which command will take you to a person. Appointments of most kinds, but especially healthcare, are notoriously spaced out. It's not uncommon to wait months to be seen for an issue as long as it's not considered life threatening. It's possible to enter a VA hospital for immediate treatment if needed, but unless your disability is at least 50% or higher you'll have to pay a copay. Unfortunately, this does make it difficult for veterans who do need immediate help to find that help. I've had to go an hour away to a VA hospital before to refill meds because my local VA couldn't do it; I've waited two months for a mental health appointment during a critical time. And I can't exactly blame anyone in the VA either. The U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs is, as its title suggests, a federally maintained entity. If it's inefficient, ineffective, overwhelmed, underfunded, then it's not the VA's fault that it took me eight months to get seen for a specialist.

Naturally, doctors who work at the VA are often either veterans themselves, or are related to a veteran. As such this often leads to more conservative medical providers. There's been efforts to keep providers progressive on sexism, racism, and homophobia, but expect standard levels of transphobia and ableism (yes, somehow, despite the overwhelmingly ND veterans, but w/e). And probably some of the other stuff too. Social justice is not the VA’s strong suit.

As harsh as I feel I need to be to the VA, I really do owe the VA a lot. My providers haven't all been perfect; sometimes you get the one you thought you'd have maybe a forty-five minute appointment with but she somehow got it down to about eleven minutes in a whirlwind of info and then shooed you out and that's overworked at its finest. But they are often not only pleasant, but willing to really push to make sure you get the most out of your coverage. They also totally suck ass sometimes and I was about to go on a big rant about it, but you know what, nah, I'll save that for another time.

In my area, the VA only allows service dogs and does not allow emotional support animals. It does provide wheelchairs for patients who require them, and fittingly most parts of the building and its exterior are wheelchair friendly. While you can choose to check into an appointment at its info desk, my area has automatic kiosks where you can receive directions to an appointment or check into an appointment. Often, my primary care clinic won't check people in at the front desk and will order you to use the machine because they're swamped with people who need them for other things.

The VA is almost always packed, no matter what you need from them, so while you should expect being in the waiting room at least ten to fifteen minutes, you can also can expect to wait sometimes an hour or so, more if you need to use the pharmacy whose wait time might be an hour or more. I've been noticing some efforts to speed things up in my clinic, but you know, it's the military. We hurry up and we wait.

People visiting the VA need to have -Their VA ID, which is a photo ID provided by the VA to veterans who’ve signed up for VA health services. This isn't always strictly necessary but it's often asked for. -The following information, preferably memorized: Full name Birth date Current address Full social security number Full telephone number

VA policy usually requires you to confirm at least two, possibly all five of the above points. I'm most often asked for my full name and birthday, and sometimes my full name and social, and yes sometimes the whole shebang.

There is technically no penalty for missing an appointment, but due to the sheer volume of appointments the VA has, this is obviously not advised.

A veteran will typically have a primary care provider they only see once a year or as needed. The rest of the time they'll be dealing with nurses or their specialty doctor. While a veteran might use a given VA facility their entire life, the staff will come and go. The doctors especially rotate frequently.

My VA has a welcome desk run voluntarily by old veterans who aren't really VA but who give directions and offer coffee and doughnuts and the like. All throughout the VA it's not uncommon at all to find older veterans huddled up talking to each other; sometimes I wonder if they just go to the VA to hang out and talk to people.

Almost every military medical facility I've ever been in has the same problem: no phone service. Good luck with those three hours of waiting with no service.

My VA also has a sort of mini-library in its lobby where veterans can take and donate books to a bookshelf freely. It's almost always filled with paperbacks anywhere between ten to forty years old.

Anyway, I hope I've at least shed a little light on the Veterans Affairs office. As I said, I'd like to actually interview some people at my local VA to maybe see what they think about the place they work. Are there any specific people I should talk to first? Medical? Mental health? Substance abuse? Disability? Homelessness? There's plenty of choices; please feel free to pitch some ideas at me.

-Kingsley

Was this post informative? Entertaining? Eye-opening? Then consider supporting SPC Kingsley on Patreon!

#writing advice #military advice #veterans affairs #military medicine

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lorenzoeqmq793-blog · 4 years

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10 Inspirational Graphics About Car Injury Attorney Dallas

Talk to a number of lawyers prior to working with one to manage your case. Many accident attorneys use a totally free initial consultation to discuss your case. This assessment offers you the opportunity to ask the lawyer concerns such as: just how much experience he or she has; what the costs are; exactly what he or she feels your opportunities of having an effective case are; who will be working on your case (it might be an associate rather than the person you have the preliminary consultation with); and the length of time he or she feels it will consider a resolution of your case.

If you consider asking a personal injury attorney for legal help, you should not be discouraged by the sudden mesh of advertisements of various law firms and independent personal injury lawyers everywhere. For your information, there is an easier method to find the very best legal counsel for your personal injury case-- find out how to find a lawyer through an online directory. By this, you'll be able to save time, cash and effort, and you'll not be exploring databases of trustworthy, experienced and previously-screened lawyers in your geographical area.

If you're handling insurance provider, your legal representative can likewise deal with the jobs on your behalf. You will get the required recommendations regarding how to effectively file a suit and how to complete the legal rules that go along with it. When you submit a claim, you have to fill out certain forms and not only that, you likewise have to pay the needed fees.

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A passenger associated with an accident in almost all situations can bring an effective personal injury settlement claims http://www.bbc.co.uk/search?q=Personal Injury Lawyer Dallas TX for damages where they have suffered injuries. Travelers are usually considered blameless casualties who have suffered as a result of another person's negligence. Nevertheless, failure to comply with the law connected to the using of seat belts may affect the level of damages acquired in any award.

If you are involved in an accident at work, it will be essential for you to show that your injuries were caused by the neglect of your employer prior to pursuing an accident settlement claim. Your company is also responsible for the actions of work associates who trigger mishaps including injury. Please remember that you have a responsibility to make your company knowledgeable about any accidents, which happen whilst at work. Please note, your employer can not terminate your employment if you make an accident settlement claims. If you remain in any doubt or concerned over this, we suggest that you consult us right away.

One must be wary though on the type and quality of injury lawyers that he consults to. Not all attorneys are made the very same. You will be fortunate if you get the services of attorneys who are intense, and who perform themselves properly and with integrity. Such attorneys will talk about with you the merits of your case and will be transparent with how it will possibly proceed in court proceedings.

It is recommended that when you had yourself injured, or you had a mishap, you must right away seek advice from a legal representative to know the merits you have for a case. Definitely, getting the services of injury legal representatives to direct you on the steps to take would be a sensible thing to do. Submitting a protest the soonest you can, will quicken things up, and will provide the impression of a genuine reason for action on your part.

Now, once you are encouraged that you require a personal injury lawyer, you have to present the effort of very first finding the right individual for your case. Here are a couple of ideas on picking the right lawyer for you.

Another excellent resource is your city bar association. Your city bar will keep more general info about who has not been approved by courts for malpractice and generally keeps a list of recommended lawyers. But once again, take this list with a grain of salt as there are manipulations going on behind the scenes here too. Frequently a much better tack is just to have a list of three or 4 lawyers you are thinking about and then call the bar association to hear their thoughts on every one.

Settlement is normally granted based upon the strength of your documents and degree of injury. A legal professional is recommended in Personal Injury cases over all others in order to maximize your compensation in the face of the Insurer, which typically protect such cases.

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Pick a lawyer who focuses on injury. Your personal injury attorney ought to have the ability to precisely examine the benefits of an injury case, approximate its financial worth, and identify the very best technique for pursuing it. She or he ought to also have substantial experience in the field. Your Best Personal Injury Lawyer Near Me Dallas injury legal representative ought to also who keep present with the current developments in personal injury law.

The extent of your claim normally depends upon the severity of your injury. You are entitled to declare for loss of profits as well as settlement for physical injuries and emotional distress. In many cases, for instance asbestos illnesses, your household is entitled to declare in your place.

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The discomfort and suffering triggered by lots of accidents can be long-term and not just physical but emotional and mental also. It can take months and even years to recover from the anguish caused by some injuries.

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Law Firm of S. Craig Glickman

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#Auto Accident Injury Claim Dallas

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liamtsullivan · 4 years

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-- && guests may mistake me as ( andy biersack ), but really i am ( liam sullivan + cis male + he/him ) and my DOB is ( 12/28/93 ). i am applying for the ( banquet manager ) position as part of the EHP and would like to live in suite ( #203 ). i should be hired because i am ( + loyal, charismatic, driven ), but i can also be ( - distracted, opinionated, pushy ) at times. personally, i like to ( watch documentaries, play poker, get tattoos ) when off the clock, but that won’t interfere with work. thank you for your consideration!

ooc;; it’s ya girl kay again, i’m so so sorry adfjlaksfj. this is liam, he’s a brain baby of mine that i played a little while ago and he’s been haunting me since i stopped playing him so here he is to be a part of y’all’s lives. hopefully you dig him, if not......... well that’s fine, too. can’t make you do anything, i’m not your mom unless you’re card; go to your room, card.

TW’s: Mentions of prostitution. Abortion. Drug use, drug addiction, drug overdose, & drug related death.

fast facts / personality details;;

( i put these first this time because the background is A Lot on this one okay )

has a rather protective and care-giving nature mixed in with his excellent work ethic and drive.

loves when guests ask for the manager and he gets to come out and see how much they didn’t expect the manager to be a 6′4″ beanpole with neck tattoos.

lives by the ideal “put your money where your mouth is” ; also just like, be genuine and up front with him in general, like he’s not an asshole, but also he knows how to deal with assholes, so let that be said

has a five year old german shepherd named Roxy that he rescued from shelter overflow when she was only a six month old puppy; Roxy still thinks that she is a small lap dog despite being a Big Girl

still wears the ring that his mom gave him for his eighteenth birthday every day, despite the issues that they had, and despite her being gone now.

has his nose pierced and his lip pierced, though the lip ring he takes out for stretches of time; the nose ring is always in, though.

absolutely covered in tattoos, in case that wasn’t already painfully obvious. he loves getting them and yes, still has room for more, will continue to get them probably forever.

prefers brown liquor over pretty much any other alcohol, though he’s not opposed to a good draft every once in a while

listens to more classical music than anyone would ever probably expect of him; that being said he also listens to a lot of classic rock and, naturally, a dose of pop punk, too, for fun.

he likes listening to true crime podcasts and watching various true crime / serial killer documentaries; criminal minds is also his favorite show. so like don’t piss him off, i guess ajdkfljasdklf

smokes cigarettes like he’s a motherfucking chimney; says he’s working on quitting, has yet to actually start that process.

generally just a supportive person; if Liam cares about you in any capacity - even if it’s just because you work together - you’ll know it. he likes to help the people around him, try to steer them in the right direction, offer them advice.

he’s not a shy person, in fact he’s rather social, and while there’s a dry humored joke or a sarcastic toy here and there, he’s a pretty genuinely nice dude. despite the things that he’s seen and been through in his life, he’s worked really hard to stay optimistic, and driven throughout and so far he’s been very successful at that.

dresses rather nice / got that business casual look down with the short-sleeved button ups or the long-sleeved ones with the sleeves rolled for work purposes. however, outside of work it's like a cat and his wardrobe were in a trash bag together. lots of black, and dark earthy colors, too. the duality of man.

background / life story;;

Liam Travis Sullivan was born and raised in Las Vegas, Nevada, where his mother, Stephanie Sullivan, was an escort / call girl on The Strip.

Stephanie getting pregnant was a tremendous ‘oops,’ but she kept the baby anyway. The baby’s father was a client who had a wife and kids already, so he paid Stephanie a whole lot of money to stay quiet and out of contact with him. This money allowed for her to take time off from working to be able to have Liam and take care of him for a bit.

Liam really was Stephanie’s whole world once he was born; the best thing that she ever did, as she so often told him through the years.

Liam never knew his father, but he put two and two together once he was old enough to understand what it was that his mom did.

Liam was three years old when Stephanie finally returned to working on The Strip. He was left in the care of some of Steph’s other ‘working girl’ friends on the nights she happened to be working.

He got very accustomed to spending his time around females, having a heavy female influence in his life as he grew up -whether that particular female influence was always the best or not. It led to his respect for women, though, and his ability to feel very comfortable around them, even from a young age.

When Liam was six years old, Stephanie ended up pregnant again. However, this time she ended up actually having an abortion. Liam only knew about it because his mother rambled about it to him in an overemotional drunken state. She told him that “he was her good boy and all that she needed.”

Working The Strip -as notorious a place as it was- and making the money that she did left Steph open to a lot of drinking and drug use.

At eight years old, Liam found a stash of his mother’s cocaine in their bathroom. This earned a distressed meltdown from Steph about him staying away from that sort of stuff because it was bad. Though, as a developing child gaining understanding of the world around him, that proved to confuse Liam because he didn’t understand why his mommy had it and was doing it if it were so bad.

Liam was ten years old the first time that his mom overdosed. This instance just involved going to the hospital to get her stomach pumped and spend the night on a fluid IV, but it was still terrifying for the boy at the time.

Stephanie struggled with drug abuse for most of Liam’s life. Living where they did facilitated it so easily and also made any getting caught up in the law with it rare -it was Vegas, after all, not to mention Stephanie was in sex work, so the law wasn't always looking out for her anyway.

Right before Liam was about to start high school, the young teenager -already having had to do so much growing up so early and so fast- took it upon himself to give his mother an intervention of sorts. He told her that if she was going to keep taking time with her away from him that he was going to run away, figure life, out himself, even if he did end up in the foster system or something. He pleaded with her that he didn’t want to lose her, that he wanted her there for all the things his life could still have in store for him. Ultimately, after many tears and a lot of convincing, Steph let her fourteen year old son flush her drug stash and they made a very rushed plan to finally get out of Vegas.

Moving to California was really good for the both of them for a while. Being in a new place meant starting fresh, moving forward. Stephanie didn’t know anyone she could get drugs from; between that, the support of her son, and finding help at local NA meetings, she managed through the withdrawal and the struggling. She got a stable, more normal job, working at a sports bar -bartending and waiting tables.

Liam easily adjusted to the change of environment. He practically thrived in Los Angeles. Before he knew it, he had friends, got into playing football at his high school, was losing his virginity. Fast-paced and unconventional were ways that Liam was used to living his life, so getting into things like physical relationships with girls, despite how young he was in reality, felt normal to him in all his adjusting.

Things stayed going really well for pretty much the whole first year they were in LA. Liam did well in school, got a part time job to help his mom out. Steph ended up picking up a second job to stay busy and keep money coming in. They were good, they were better than they had been, and they had each other.

The summer before Liam’s junior year of high school, he caught his mom using again. Evidently it had been going on for a few months already at that point, and because of how busy he was with school, friends, and work, he had caught on late. Stephanie argued with him on the matter, told him that it wasn’t his business to worry about, among other unexpectedly harsh things. It was the first real, legitimate fight he ever really had with his mom, at least the first one that really mattered.

With too much riding on his focus on school and football -given he had since come up with the goal to go to a good college, to make something of himself and do good things- Liam shut himself off from his mom for a little while. They lived together, came and went about their lives, but they spoke minimally, Liam didn’t fight more with her despite knowing that she was still using at the time. It was very odd for him, to have any sort of bad energy between him and his mom -it was so rare, it had always been just the two of them. He decided, though, that he had to focus on himself and his future.

Senior year came with the promise of scholarships, multiple college scouts having their eyes on him, more than one girl interested in dating him, a wide friend circle, a basic car he had been able to buy for himself, and a growing savings account. Liam was doing great, he was on the right track, focused. Stephanie, however, had downward spiraled. Her using had gotten out of hand to the point of losing both of her jobs, having to get a new one in a setting that was dangerously close to the things she had been doing in Vegas -a strip club.

It wasn’t until Liam’s Winter Formal that year -Stephanie deep into her continued cocaine addiction- that something changed. He was in his suit, getting ready to leave to go pick up his date when his path crossed with Stephanie’s. Upon finding out where her son was heading, who he was going with, the friends he was meeting -details she hadn’t been knowledgeable on for some time at this point- the woman burst into tears. She sobbed apologies to her son, begged him to forgive her for missing out on his life, made promises to him that she would get better for him -promises Liam tried not to take to heart; he had learned.

They did get Stephanie into a rehabilitation clinic shortly after the holidays. She had to sober up a little bit and once again Liam shouldered the responsibility of getting rid of the drugs that she had in their apartment. He spent two months alone in their apartment while his mom worked through her issues, sobered up fully, came back to him. It was an exhausting couple of months for him, trying to be a self sufficient adult in an apartment that had to have things paid for in it, while also juggling school and football, but he managed.

Stephanie came home a different woman than she left, and upon getting a more functional version of his mother back, Liam had the tiniest glint of hope that maybe things would be okay again. Graduation was looming, and he had a few different schools that were more than willing to offer him full ride football scholarships to their universities. Notre Dame, Duke, UCLA, among other state-based colleges all had eyes on him. It was something he could finally talk to his mom about.

While Stephanie encouraged him to follow his heart, follow wherever his dreams were gonna take him, Liam couldn’t shake the idea of being far from home -or, in particular, being far from where she was. Things were so fragile with her and her addiction, it was so much more possible for something bad to happen and him to have absolutely no idea about it if he went far away. So despite the incredible opportunities he could have had elsewhere, he chose to accept to scholarship from UCLA out of all the schools who chose him.

Going to college, let alone such a prestigious and well known state school like UCLA was like something out of a fairytale for Liam. Looking back on what his life had been up to the point of graduating high school and moving on to bigger things, he was amazed at what he had accomplished. Given the healthy and sober way that his mother still was at the time of his high school graduation, she, too, made it a point to make sure he knew how amazed and proud she was of him.

College wasn’t quite as easy for him as high school was, but that just drove Liam to work even harder. He wasn’t going to waste the opportunity he was given. He was double majoring in business and marketing; even though he had little idea what sort of business he wanted to be a part of, he knew that he wanted something for himself, something that could do good, give back in some way shape or form. Those subjects would do a lot to help him get there, he knew that much.

Stephanie stayed sober for most of Liam’s college experience, after the help of going to rehab, and the continued going to NA meetings. He popped back to the apartment every now and again -having moved into campus living during the semesters- and that helped her, too. Things seemed really good for quite some time, but having the other shoe drop once again unfortunately didn’t come as too terribly much of a shock to Liam. She had been getting involved with some guy she knew from work, they’d been sleeping together, and what Liam didn’t know is that they frequently went out for drinks. Drinking slowly but surely progressed into getting high together; something easy for Stephanie to fall into, particularly because of her habit, but also because of the familiarity of the circumstances -it was awfully similar to when she was working on The Strip and would get wasted with clients.

Liam was in his last semester of college, just about three months shy of graduating with his bachelor’s degree. It was a huge deal for him, it was something that he wasn’t going to give up for anything in the world. Still, he made it a point to help his mother after she called him absolutely high out of her mind and apologizing to him while he was pulling an all-nighter on an assignment one night. He didn’t ask many questions, just the basics, and he looked into a place himself -a rehab center that was further away, lengthier and more in depth with their programs. Before, they had gone with what was convenient, facility-wise, but he wasn’t going to make that mistake twice. If his mother needed more special attention, he was going to get her to that.

Getting his degree was a gift, a blessing he in reality never thought would be his. While his mom was still in rehab at the time of his graduation -Liam insisted that she not leave treatment just to come to the ceremony- she still wrote to him consistently, sent him a congratulations card right around the day of the ceremony. Liam was in a position in his life that awed him in a way, ready to take on the world.

Pursuing the concept of his own business sort of took a back seat; having just gotten his degree, it wasn't like Liam could immediately leap into much, not to mention he didn't have the funds. He had been working and saving all through college - served, cooked, and bartended at a grand total of six different restaurants in Los Angeles by the time he graduated - but on top of any business itself being expensive, school itself was expensive, too.

By the time Liam was twenty-four years old, he was managing two bars, and co-managing a restaurant out in Los Angeles. He was living on his own, keeping tabs on his mother sporadically, but mostly working toward a goal for a business of his own. He was teetering between a pub of sorts, or a burlesque club - two wildly different ideas, but both with the same idea in mind; somewhere entertaining but somewhere that also provided a sense of community, somewhere he could give jobs to people that needed them - perhaps that was inclined to women, from his subconscious protection of his mother, but that was beside the point.

A coworker of his at one of the bars he was the bar manager of ended up being who presented a move out of Los Angeles to him. There was potentially more business opportunity somewhere out of that location, out of the state of California, even. Chicago was brought to the table, this friend having heard of a program that offered employee housing at a luxury hotel. Liam was apprehensive about the Malnati at first, given he didn't want to have to start on a bottom rung in terms of his job once again. As it turned out, however, there was a management position that was generally up his alley. Seeking opportunity and further growth wherever he could find it, Liam made the move to Chicago.

Things between him and his mom had been more distant over the year since he graduated college, and in his move to Chicago, he couldn't say he was surprised to end up hearing about things getting bad again for his mom. It was a moment of true growing up for Liam, realizing that he had to be responsible for himself, he had to do what he needed to do, he couldn't carry his mom anymore. If she didn't want to get better and stay better, he couldn't be the one derailing his life to continue to try to make her do so.

That first year of him living in Chicago, working as the banquet manager at the Malnati, his mom overdosed for the last time. It was unexpected in the same way that it wasn't; Liam went through a brief period of a numb sort of grieving - he was of course sad to have lost his mom, to have to come to terms with the fact that he'd never get to see or speak to her again. He also, though, had to face the fact that as dark and upsetting as the circumstances were, they were out of his hand, they were not his responsibility. He mourned his mother as she deserved, and he went on with his life; because deep down he knew that she would want that for him, anyway.

Liam has been living in Chicago and working as the Malnati's banquet manager for the last nearly-three years now. He oversees more than just a restaurant and a bar now, and it's expanded his career experience in ways that he is very thankful for. It's a little bit on the backburner once again, but definitely not forgotten, that he intends to have his own business some day. Perhaps more than one, even. He loves the organization and the hard work and dedication that go into leading - whether that be a kitchen or a bar or an event. He likes to be supportive as much as a leader - Liam wants to see his team succeed; if there's slack that needs to be picked up and he can help, he will. He's not going to bark orders and call it a day, that's not what he's about, that's not what he considers his job. He's got a good head on his shoulders, and a good work ethic, and he likes doing what he does.

wanted connections;;

IT’S TIME ONCE AGAIN FOR ME TO FAIL AT THESE LMFAO

Liam in his job oversees chefs, bartenders, servers, room service runners, and musicians, so like we got a whooooole lineup of connections to be had there; he’s their boss yeah, but as I’ve said like a million times now he’s really active in trying to help his team succeed. he’ll help out on the bar and running food and covering breaks or callouts or whatever, so like there’s a lot of good potential relationships to be had there.

other managers bc we love seniority adfjlkasdfjk no i’m just kidding, but still we love some manager pals why not

idk i think it’d be really funny to have someone who’s like intimidated by him simply because of the way that he looks and he’s like look i’m really not that bad i just like tattoos a lot okay lmAO

a casual hookup here or there is chill; he’s not super into the fwb thing? like he’ll stay friends after a hookup if the other person is cool with it, but as an ongoing thing it just gets too complicated for his liking.

pet parent friends; his girl Roxy is a friendly giant baby and he adores her, bring him some parent friends and her some dog friends

tattoo pals of some variety?? even if it’s just him constantly encouraging people to go get tattoos, or talking them through processes? going with them for moral support because he barely even feels it when he gets tattoos now?? who knows

honestly we been knew i’m up to just talking shit out and winging it a lot of the time too so just hit me up if you wanna figure some stuff out with this inked up beanpole okay? okay ily.

#liam. | about #liam. | headcanons #this is EXCEPTIONALLY LONG LMAO I'M SO SORRY #there's a lot to take in #if you made it through the whole thing you may be entitled to emotional compensation

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emilianoxrpx229-blog · 4 years

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The Evolution of Spinal Injury Lawyer Dallas

Prior to signing a contract with a lawyer, make sure you comprehend the agreement. Injury legal representatives often deal with a contingency basis. This means the lawyer only earns money if she or he wins your case. Instead of the cost being per hour, the fee is a certain portion of your award, generally one-third. You would then get the other two-thirds of the award. However if any costs such as filing fees, expert witness costs, and so on are paid out of your part of the award the actual quantity you receive could be substantially less than two-thirds. Make sure you understand whose responsibility the extra expenses will be.

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If you think about asking an accident lawyer for legal help, you must not be discouraged by the sudden mesh of ads of different law practice and independent injury attorneys all over. For your info, there is a simpler way to discover the best legal counsel for your injury case-- learn ways to discover a lawyer through an online directory. By this, you'll have the ability to conserve time, cash and effort, and you'll not be searching through databases of reputable, knowledgeable and previously-screened lawyers in your geographical area.

Because of today's advanced innovation, lots of law offices keep different online sites to satisfy the needs of clients who look for legal help. Frequently, law practice do https://vimeo.com/channels/1536326 not charge fees when offering legal guidance, specifically in California. By speaking with a proficient attorney, the damages of the injury can be determined and described. The attorney will also tell you the pieces of evidence that you need to prepare. Processing time these days are quickly since legal representatives normally work with insurance and law agencies. Lots of individuals cannot comprehend legal mentioning and terms however your lawyer can help you out.

vimeo

Lot of times, when individuals are associated with injury cases, they do not look for the assistance of personal injury attorneys for fear that doing so will be too pricey and complicated. As you all might know, filing a case and the whole court procedures is so difficult and worst, they cost you lots of money. These have ended up being the major downsides of injury cases. But the good thing nowadays-- there are a great deal of law office at present that alleviate those fears right now. And, getting the services of accident lawyers has currently end up being a simple and easy job.

A chauffeur can make an accident settlement claims for loss and injuries if someone else was to blame for the accident. This is usually Go to the website another driver although under some situations the mishap may have been brought on by the negligent actions of another celebration. For example if the roads were not gritted such that they stayed icy and in a harmful condition, an accident payment claims might be submitted versus the party responsible for keeping the roadways. If the accident involved a pedestrian or bicyclist who were later on shown to be at fault, an injury compensation claim could still made even though the offending celebration may not posses sufficient or any insurance cover. However, in these situations we may encourage that it is unworthy bringing such injury settlement claim.

The working environment can affect individuals such that they suffer illness as a result. Although these illness may not appear right away signs might establish much later. Although in general terms a personal injury compensation claims has to be released within three years from the date of the reason for injury or health problem, this time limit may be lengthened if you were not familiar with the cause of your signs up until a long time later.If you suspect that your signs relate to work place injury, please consult us as soon as possible.

One must beware though on the type and quality of injury legal representatives that he seeks advice from to. Not all legal representatives are made the same. You will be lucky if you get the services of legal representatives who are intense, and who conduct themselves responsibly and with stability. Such lawyers will talk about with you the merits of your case and will be transparent with how it will perhaps proceed in court proceedings.

In a legal battle, you desire somebody in your corner who will protect and defend your rights. You will require the services of injury legal representatives in such a fight, and the more skilled and effective they remain in court, the simpler it is to win your case.

There are a variety of online databases of local and regional personal injury lawyers. While most of these are pay per listing or complimentary submission, some really do provide examining services. Even here, nevertheless, watch out for putting excessive stock in a site's recommendation as this information can be quickly manipulated.

Recommendations can be excellent if you know somebody in the legal community. However if not, the very best you will get out of a referral is a sort of 'he/she isn't inept.' Since let's face it, most customers have no idea whether the settlement they got was in truth the best they might have.

If you suffer unexpected injury or damages through the fault of another, that individual or organisation is lawfully accountable (liable) and can be needed to pay compensation. To determine duty, the court looks for neglect -- carelessness by among the celebrations involved. Whoever is determined to have been less mindful (i.e. more irresponsible), is lawfully responsible for at least part of the damages incurred.

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Select an accident attorney with trial experience. Although the majority of personal injury claims are settled out of court, personally injury attorneys sometimes get favorable settlements by threatening to take cases to trial. The defendants are typically willing to pay out more cash to the plaintiffs to avoid expensive trials, negative publicity, and the possibility that a court would award the complainants more money. In this case, experience is crucial: if your personal injury attorney has actually never won cases in court, the defendant in your claim may not take the hazard of going to trial seriously.

The degree of your claim normally depends upon the severity of your injury. You are entitled to claim for loss of incomes in addition to compensation for physical injuries and emotional distress. In some cases, for instance asbestos diseases, your household is entitled to claim on your behalf.

The pain and suffering brought on by many accidents can be long-term and not just physical but emotional and mental too. It can take months or even years to recover from the distress brought on by some injuries.

And remember that using a small-claims court can be a viable alternative to utilizing an attorney in certain injury cases, but it is still a good idea to seek advice from an attorney first to see if that is best course of action for you to take with your specific case.

In browsing a personal injury lawyer, you won't even have to pay him unless you win a settlement for your case. Upon utilizing a good online legal representative directory, you'll be able to know the particulars on your legal costs, your location will then be thought about, and will then weigh extremely in your list of actions. Exactly what's truly essential, however, is the history of your possible lawyer in handling your kind of case. Given that the law can be complex and complicated, you should make sure that you'll retain the best-trained personal injury lawyer possible.

If you're dealing with insurer, your lawyer can likewise deal with the tasks on your behalf. You will get the required guidance as to how to appropriately submit a claim and the best ways to finish the legal rules that support it. When you submit a suit, you need to submit specific kinds and not only that, you also have to pay the required costs.

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Even for when, you might be associated with a personal injury case. In such case, you may want to declare a settlement for the discomfort and suffering that it has caused you. This is when a personal injury lawyer is necessary. You must speak with an injury lawyer, even if just to speak about the issue you have. Remember that no matter how big or little your accident case is, you need to file your injury claim and see what your legal rights are. And, your personal injury lawyer will assist you about these matters all throughout your case.

A guest involved in an accident in almost all circumstances can bring a successful accident payment claims for damages where they have actually suffered injuries. Guests are generally regarded as blameless casualties who have actually suffered as a result of someone else's carelessness. Nevertheless, failure to abide by the law relating to the using of seat belts may impact the level of damages obtained in any award.

With the right injury lawyers arguing for your case in court, you are assured that all your rights have actually been considered, and any infraction to such, will be correctly provided and shown in court. They will be able to construct a strong case for you, and with the proofs available to prove your claims, you might simply get the justice you have been longing for.

Another good resource is your city bar association. Your city bar will keep more general info about who has not been approved by courts for malpractice and generally keeps a list of advised attorneys. However once again, take this list with a grain of salt as there are adjustments going on behind the scenes here as well. Frequently a better tack is simply to have a list of three or 4 attorneys you are considering and after that call the bar association to hear their ideas on every one.

Personal Injury cases can include Auto Accidents, Defamation of Character, Product Defects and Medical Malpractice to call just a couple of. In order to make sure if your personal injury case has credibility in the eyes of the law, get in touch with a lawyer in your state.

We’ve all seen the advertisements for an injury attorney on tv, on billboards and in newspapers, but when should we think about consulting personal injury attorneys? An injury claim can be made when an individual suffers an injury through the negligence of another person. Carelessness is when an individual's actions are deemed to place another person in unreasonable risk. If this negligence causes a mishap then there is a case for an injury suit.

Law Firm of S. Craig Glickman

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4925 Greenville Ave, Suite 200

Dallas, Texas 75206

(214) 407-2607

http://craigglickmanlawfirm.com

https://goo.gl/maps/DWiuWTLJxNfetvVC6

#Best Car Accident Attorney Dallas

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andresmiga652-blog · 4 years

Text

3 Common Reasons Why Your Personal Injury Wrongful Death Dallas Isn't Working (And How To Fix It)

Take all the details you have about your case with you for each initial assessment including images but do not take your originals. Take copies. When you do sign an agreement with a legal representative you might be asked to offer the originals, however copies need to be great for your preliminary assessments.

If you think about asking an accident attorney for legal support, you should not be dissuaded by the abrupt mesh of advertisements of various law office and independent personal injury legal representatives all over. For your information, there is a much easier method to discover the very best legal counsel for your accident case-- learn the best ways to find a legal representative through an online directory site. By this, you'll have the ability to conserve time, cash and effort, and you'll not be exploring databases of dependable, experienced and previously-screened attorneys in your geographic area.

You need to guarantee that you're handling reputed attorneys who are focusing on personal injury cases. This is one way of ensuring that you get optimal compensation on your claims. You see, injury cases include huge monetary loss, especially the extreme cases. By employing a competent legal representative, you will certainly get the suitable settlement because the legal representative can establish your monetary losses.

Often times, when individuals are associated with personal injury cases, they do not seek the guidance of accident legal representatives for fear that doing so will be too expensive and complicated. As you all may understand, filing a case and the whole court procedures is so difficult and worst, they cost you lots of money. These have actually become the major disadvantages of personal injury cases. However the good idea these days-- there are lots of law office at present that ease those fears immediately. And, getting the services of personal injury legal representatives has already end up being an effortless job.

Roadway traffic accidents represent a big proportion of all accidents and personal injury settlement claims. Drivers of lorries are required to have some level of insurance coverage cover. These policies offer defense for anybody (consisting of members of the exact same family) who may be associated with a mishap, who suffer personal injury as a result of the motorist's negligence and may have to place a personal injury settlement claim whether the motorist's neglect has actually led to a cops prosecution. If it is found that an http://query.nytimes.com/search/sitesearch/?action=click&contentCollection&region=TopBar&WT.nav=searchWidget&module=SearchSubmit&pgtype=Homepage#/Personal Injury Lawyer http://craigglickmanlawfirm.com/Contact-Us.php irresponsible motorist had inadequate or no insurance at the time of the mishap, you may still be able to bring a personal injury payment claim.

The working environment can impact people such that they suffer diseases as a result. Although these illness may not be evident immediately symptoms might establish much later. Although in general terms an accident payment claims has to be issued within 3 years from the date of the cause of injury or disease, this time limitation may be lengthened if you were not familiar with the reason for your signs until some time later.If you suspect that your symptoms are related to work place injury, please consult us as soon as possible.

Injury legal representatives can help on cases where something wrong was done to you. Cases as vehicle accidents resulting from another's driving while intoxicated, bodily injury because of a malfunctioning item, poisoning because of the spoiled food served by a dining establishment, health issue because of drug containing damaging ingredients or perhaps by medical malpractice by a physician, injury because of uncalled for actions and hazards by another individual, and much more, which threaten the security of a Find more information specific and detrimentally agitate one's mental, physical and psychological well-being.

It is recommended that when you had yourself hurt, or you had a mishap, you need to immediately seek advice from a lawyer to understand the merits you have for a case. Definitely, getting the services of injury lawyers to guide you on the actions to take would be a smart thing to do. Filing a formal complaint the soonest you can, will accelerate things up, and will give the impression of a genuine reason for action on your part.

Now, as soon as you are convinced that you require a personal injury attorney, you need to present the effort of first finding the right individual for your case. Here are a few suggestions on choosing the right lawyer for you.

Utilizing this online database and your local yellow pages as a sort of general list, it then ends up being vital to narrow this list by looking at the qualifications of a specific attorney. Probably the very best method to do this is to call your regional legal aid center, which is complimentary. While these people are not in the business of offering suggestions, the bar in a specific city for personal injury usually includes about fifty to one hundred attorneys, so among attorneys word navigates pretty rapidly as to who is good and who is not.

If you suffer unexpected accident or damages through the fault of another, that person or business is legally accountable (accountable) and can be required to pay payment. To figure out responsibility, the court tries to find negligence -- recklessness by one of the parties included. Whoever is determined to have actually been less careful (i.e. more negligent), is lawfully responsible for at least part of the damages sustained.

Without a certified, experienced injury legal representative, their chances of receiving reasonable settlement plunge. That's why it's truly essential that, if you've been a victim of personal injury, you select the right personal injury attorney to represent you. Here are a few things to think about when making your choice.

Kinds of Accident. Injuries can be practically anything that causes an injury. Whether this is an automobile accident caused by another motorist, or whether you slip and fall while shopping or perhaps at work these are all most likely triggers for injury claims. Tripping over terribly laid paving pieces may lead to an effective injury claim. Pet bites, asbestos diseases, a crash while on public transportation or any mishap that leads to physical injury may imply you are entitled to claim. An injury attorney will be able to recommend you whether you have a case or not.

The pain and suffering caused by lots of accidents can be long-term and not only physical however emotional and mental also. It can take months and even years to recuperate from the anguish brought on by some injuries.

To start with, discover a legal representative who focuses on your kind of case and in the kind of law your case falls under. You want an attorney who specializes in accident law, not one who specializes in other areas of law such as criminal law, wills, estates, or divorce.

In addition, you do not just require an accident attorney who excels in injury law. You also need somebody who entirely comprehends the jurisdiction of your area. Also, you must ask yourself this question prior to working with an accident attorney-- Are you comfortable with that legal representative and are you positive in his capabilities? If the answer is anything other than a definite "yes," you must keep looking. Your case is too crucial to turn over to someone who does not inspire your confidence.

You need to ensure that you're dealing with reputed attorneys who are focusing on personal injury cases. This is one method of making sure that you get maximum payment on your claims. You see, injury cases include massive financial loss, particularly the extreme cases. By employing a skilled attorney, you will definitely get the proper settlement since the lawyer can establish your monetary losses.

Indeed, a qualified counsel is so crucial in an injury case. So, if you have actually been associated with such case, do not hesitate, go out, find the injury attorney to be your partner in your mission for justice, and delight in the services that he offers you.

A motorist can make an accident settlement claims for loss and injuries if someone else was to blame for the accident. This is usually another chauffeur although under some situations the mishap may have been caused by the irresponsible actions of another party. For example if the roads were not gritted such that they remained icy and in a hazardous condition, an injury compensation claims may be filed versus the celebration responsible for maintaining the roadways. If the accident included a pedestrian or cyclist who were later shown to be at fault, a personal injury settlement claim could still made even though the upsetting celebration may not posses sufficient or any insurance coverage cover. Nevertheless, in these circumstances we might recommend that it is not worth bringing such accident payment claim.

It is advisable that when you had yourself injured, or you had a mishap, you need to immediately seek advice from an attorney to understand the merits you have for a case. Absolutely, getting the services of personal injury lawyers to direct you on the actions to take would be a smart thing to do. Submitting a formal complaint the soonest you can, will accelerate things up, and will give the impression of a genuine cause of action on your part.

Recommendations can be excellent if you know somebody in the legal community. However if not, the best you will leave a recommendation is a sort of 'he/she isn't inexperienced.' Because let's face it, a lot of clients have no idea whether the settlement they got remained in actuality the very best they might have.

Choose an attorney who specializes in personal injury. Your personal injury lawyer must have the ability to properly assess the benefits of an accident case, approximate its monetary worth, and identify the best method for pursuing it. She or he ought to also have substantial experience in the field. Your personal injury legal representative ought to also who keep current with the current developments in accident law.

The discomfort and suffering triggered by numerous mishaps can be long lasting and not just physical however psychological and mental also. It can take months or perhaps years to recuperate from the distress caused by some injuries.

Law Firm of S. Craig Glickman

4925 Greenville Ave, Suite 200

vimeo

Dallas, Texas 75206

(214) 407-2607

http://craigglickmanlawfirm.com

https://goo.gl/maps/DWiuWTLJxNfetvVC6

#Car Accident Legal Advice Dallas

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archeriwbh068-blog · 4 years

Text

How to Sell Wrongful Death Lawsuit Dallas to a Skeptic

And bear in mind that utilizing a small-claims court can be a viable alternative to utilizing an attorney in certain accident cases, but it is still a smart idea to consult with an attorney first to see if that is finest course of action for you to take with your particular case.

In addition, you don't only require an accident attorney who masters Birth Injury Attorney Dallas accident law. You likewise require someone who entirely comprehends the jurisdiction of your area. Likewise, you must ask yourself this concern before working with a personal injury legal representative-- Are you comfy with that legal representative and are you positive in his capabilities? If the answer is anything other than a definite "yes," you should keep looking. Your case is too crucial to entrust to somebody who does not motivate your confidence.

Because of today's innovative innovation, numerous law firms preserve different online sites to satisfy the requirements of clients who seek legal aid. Usually, law firms do not charge costs when offering legal suggestions, specifically Accident Compensation Dallas in California. By consulting a skilled lawyer, the damages of the accident can be determined and discussed. The lawyer will also tell you the pieces of proof that you have to prepare. Processing time nowadays are quickly because lawyers generally work with insurance and law firms. Many individuals can't comprehend legal pointing out and terms however your attorney can assist you out.

Lot of times, when individuals are associated with personal injury cases, they do not look for the guidance of injury lawyers for worry that doing so will be too expensive and complex. As you all may understand, filing a case and the whole court procedures is so stressful and worst, they cost you lots of cash. These have actually become the major drawbacks of personal injury cases. But the good thing nowadays-- there are lots of law firms at present that reduce those worries right away. And, getting the services of accident lawyers has already end up being an uncomplicated task.

Road traffic accidents represent a big percentage of all mishaps and personal injury settlement claims. Drivers of vehicles are required to have some level of insurance cover. These policies supply security for anyone (consisting of members of the same household) who may be involved in a mishap, who suffer personal injury as a result of the driver's carelessness and may need to position an accident settlement claim whether the motorist's neglect has actually caused a cops prosecution. If it is discovered that a negligent driver had insufficient or no insurance coverage at the time of the mishap, you might still be able to bring an injury compensation claim.

A pedestrian https://craigglickmanlawfirm.com/Prenuptial-and-Postnuptial-Agreements.php may be able to recover payment through a personal injury compensation claim for their injuries if they can show that their injuries were caused entirely or to some degree by a 3rd party. If as a pedestrian involved in a mishap you are held partially to blame, you may still be entitled so some level of compensation.

One must be wary though on the type and quality of injury legal representatives that he consults to. Not all legal representatives are made the exact same. You will be lucky if you get the services of legal representatives who are bright, and who perform themselves responsibly and with integrity. Such legal representatives will talk about with you the benefits of your case and will be transparent with how it will possibly carry on in court proceedings.

It is recommended that when you had yourself hurt, or you had a mishap, you should right away speak with an attorney to know the merits you have for a case. Absolutely, getting the services of accident legal representatives to guide you on the steps to take would be a wise thing to do. Filing a protest the soonest you can, will speed up things up, and will offer Accident Attorney Dallas the impression of a real cause of action on your part.

Wondering what to do when you have been in a mishap, a slip and fall, or a work environment injury? If you have already talked with in insurance coverage supplier for your insurer, it may be time to think about an injury lawyer.

Using this online database and your local yellow pages as a sort of basic list, it then ends up being necessary to narrow this list by looking at the credentials of a specific attorney. Most likely the best method to do this is to call your local legal aid clinic, which is totally free. While these individuals are not in business of providing suggestions, the bar in a specific city for accident generally includes about fifty to one hundred lawyers, so amongst attorneys word navigates pretty rapidly as to who readies and who is not.

Accident cases are brought about by physical injury or psychological distress caused by actions or carelessness of another party.

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Choose an accident attorney experienced in dealing with insurance provider. Insurance company legal representatives represent most personal injury case defendants. These business attorneys look for to pay out the least amount possible, so an unskilled personal injury legal representative may be at a downside in these settlements. Therefore, choosing an accident attorney with a proven performance history http://www.bbc.co.uk/search?q=Personal Injury Lawyer Dallas TX of effective negotiations is essential.

We’ve all seen the ads for an accident attorney on tv, on signboards and in papers, however when should we think about speaking with personal injury lawyers? An injury claim can be made when a person suffers an injury through the neglect of another individual. Negligence is when a person's actions are deemed to put another individual in unreasonable danger. If this neglect results in a mishap then there is a case for an injury lawsuit.

The pain and suffering triggered by numerous accidents can be long-term and not just physical however emotional and psychological too. It can take months and even years to recover from the suffering brought on by some injuries.

#Auto Collision Lawyer Dallas

0 notes

foursprouthappiness-blog · 6 years

Text

How Your Daily Routine Can Turn Into Your Biggest Enemy

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-your-daily-routine-can-turn-into-your-biggest-enemy/

How Your Daily Routine Can Turn Into Your Biggest Enemy

Ryan Holiday Instagram

Routine and ritual are everything, including, if you’re not careful, a dangerous weakness.

A few weeks ago, I got a letter—yes, an actual letter—from an NCAA player who will probably go pro. His question was a simple one: Like many basketball players he was big on pregame rituals and routines, but he was worried that these patterns made him vulnerable to being disrupted. What if the team plane was late and he had to rush his usual warmup? What if his headphones were dead or he forgot to pack his gameday socks?

Would his competitive edge—the comfort and confidence he took from these practices—suddenly turn into a liability?

This is a perfectly reasonable concern. Because while rituals can be a source of strength to an athlete or a writer, they can also be a form of fragility. Take Russell Westbrook, who is famous for his pregame routine, which begins three hours before a game. It starts with him warming up exactly three hours before tipoff. Then one hour before the game, Westbrook visits the arena chapel. Then he eats the same peanut butter and jelly sandwich (buttered wheat bread, toasted, strawberry jelly, Skippy peanut butter, cut diagonally). At exactly 6 minutes and 17 seconds before the game starts, he begins the team’s final warm up drill. He has a particular pair of shoes for games, for practice, for road games. Since high school, he’s done the same thing after shooting a free throw, walking backwards past the three point line and then walking back to take the next shot. At the practice facility, he has a specific parking space, and he likes to shoot on Practice Court 3. He calls his parents at the same time every day. And on and on.

The point is, while this process is likely very calming and reassuring in an entirely chaotic and emotional game, it also reads like a recipe for how one might throw someone off their game. A teammate vying for Westbrook’s playing time, a competitor who will stop at nothing, or just Murphy’s Law could all wreak havoc on that system and get inside his head. All it takes is “accidentally” parking in the wrong spot, or the right insult right before a free throw to send the whole thing sideways. And what if the trainer is sick and can’t make the sandwich? Or what if the arena chapel is closed due to a leaky ceiling?

Any routine junkie can tell you what happens when your routine gets messed up: Your thoughts race. You get frustrated. You feel what is almost like withdrawals. I can’t do this. This isn’t right. Something bad is going to happen. You doubt yourself. Then all of a sudden you aren’t getting warmed up or falling into the zone as easily as you usually do.

This problem is compounded the more successful you get or the more you specialize in a certain feild, because you get used to and feel entitled to have things your way. People enable this dependence because they want you to be your best, which makes it all the more frustrating and surprising if the script is suddenly deviated from.

I came face to face with this reality with the birth of my son in 2016. A few months before he was born I was profiled for the New York Times, and as part of the article, the reporter had me walk her through my fairly extensive set of morning and daily routines (what time I got up, how I journaled, where I sat, what my workout was, etc). She remarked that it would be interesting to see how this would all hold up with a newborn. Confidently, I told her nothing would change.

Ugh.

But of course she was right—because kids are, if anything—wrecking balls for the carefully built order of our lives.

The first couple months of his life, I struggled. It actually wasn’t the lack of sleep that was the problem. It was the unpredictability of that lack of sleep. Some mornings I was up at 5am. Some at 10am. Sometimes there was a baby I was supposed to quietly take care of while my wife slept, other times we were all up, other times it was just me while they slept. Was he napping at 2pm or not at all? Did I need to get home early for his dinner and bath or was the whole schedule blown apart by something that happened earlier in the day?

All of a sudden quiet time every morning, not checking email, going for a long run or swim in the afternoon, writing from 8-12am every day—this was not possible. At least not possible to do in the same way in the same order each day.

I experienced something similar years before when my career took off. I was used to working at home and then suddenly I was on the road a lot. Lot of flights. Living out of suitcases. Meetings and events that I had to go to. But early on I could compensate for this by spacing the trips out, setting up camp in each city for a few days and approximating some version of my normal routine there. As the trips increased and I got older, this became less tenable (even more so after accumulating a wife and a kid), and my reliance on my capital-R Routine became a weakness. A couple days on the road would completely set me back. It would also make me frustrated—even though I had chosen to say yes to these opportunities.

In both cases, my cherished routines either crumbled or were blown apart. But I still had to do my job (writing) and if anything, the stakes were higher than before. Which meant I’ve spent a lot of time thinking routine ever since.

What I’ve come up with might not seem that profound but the impact has been enormous for me: It’s not about having a routine. It’s about having routines.

I no longer have a writing routine or a morning routine. I have several. I have a routine when I get up early on the farm (We go for a walk, then I write until breakfast, and then resume writing). I have a routine for when I am on the road (run or exercise early, slot writing/work in as the top priority between whatever the scheduled events for the day are). I don’t have one shirt I wear each time I give a talk, I have a set of 3-4 that I choose from. Depending on what city I am in and what time of year, I have different mornings and plans that I’ll do. When I fly, I either read, answer old emails from starred folder, or sleep. I don’t eat before I perform, but if I do, I eat the same thing. If I get interrupted and can’t journal the way I want for a morning or two, so be it—but I’ll make sure I quickly resume my old habit. And on and on.

Depending on circumstances, I have strategic flexibility. I’m not winging it, but I am not such a creature of habit that I am flustered when disrupted (or can I really even be disrupted since I am indifferent to Plan A, B, C, D, E). Think about musical scales—the notes themselves are fixed but they can be played in a limitless amount of combination. This allows the musician to improvise while still maintaining a base they can return to and derive confidence and comfort in. That’s how you want to be with your routine. Not so rigid that you can’t respond to the moment, not so free that you can do everything in the moment.

There is a line from the Super Bowl-winning coach Bill Walsh about how most individuals are like water, they naturally seek out lower ground. By that he meant that without discipline or order, we are not our best selves. Ultimately, this is what routine is about: creating practices and habits and rules that force us to be better.

Without a routine of any kind, Resistance is given too much room to operate. Doubt, chaos, laziness—if you give them an inch, they’ll take a mile. Routines are essential in that battle.

In creative or athletic or entrepreneurial fields, the uncertainty and stress of the endeavor makes us crave simplicity and dependability. When Russell Westbrook was asked the reasons behind his many specific, very detailed practices, he replied, “No particular reason. I just do it.” Actually there is a reason. The reason is reassurance. As a player, Westbrook is emotional, chaotic, intense. The game he plays is random, difficult and overwhelming. Doing the same things the same way at the same time, creates comfort and order as well as superior performance.

We can get addicted to that. In fact, it may actually take more discipline to be moderate in your discipline than to be insane about it. There is an interesting Michael Lewis article about the NFL kicker Adam Vinatieri who actually works at making sure he doesn’t wear the same socks twice or having too many rituals because of how easily this can descend into superstition and thus psyching oneself off. But without this work, we end up beating on ourselves for falling short.

It’s better to remember Marcus Aurelius’s line…

“When jarred, unavoidably, by circumstance, revert at once to yourself, and don’t lose the rhythm more than you can help. You’ll have a better group of harmony if you keep ongoing back to it.”

In a way, this is what I’ve worked on most with my routines lately. Can I purposely disrupt them? What happens if I change things up? Am I still me? Am I still able to do what I do well? I want to be sure that the tail is not wagging the dog, that I am in control of the routine and not the other way around. Because the last thing you want to do is become ossified and unable to handle change.

Because life is change. Murphy’s Law is real, and you will drive yourself insane thinking you can simply outwill or white knuckle your way through the inevitable tendency for things to go exactly the way you’d rather they not go.

Discipline is a form of freedom, but left unchecked becomes a form of tyranny. So the key is the ability to rotate from routine to routine, discipline to discipline, according to the needs of the day and the moment.

Otherwise you’re not only going to be miserable…you’re an easy opponent to defeat.

Like to Read? I’ve created a list of 15 books you’ve never heard of that will alter your worldview and help you excel at your career. Get the secret book list here!

#Happiness

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albastadler · 6 years

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Litigation Law Firms

In today’s litigious society, it is an almost certainty that everyone knows someone who has battled through some legal obstacle. We are a litigation law firm that helps people just like you recover from loss or exercise your rights under the law. Another almost certainty is that, with tens of thousands of civil lawsuits filed every day, chances are your turn is coming, if it hasn’t already happened.

Why is this so? Why has litigation increased so dramatically in just 50 years or so? Is it because Americans are injuring each other more than we did two generations ago? Hardly. The root problem, unfortunately for America, lies elsewhere.

A more likely scenario is that, as America grew rich beyond the wildest dreams of our Founding Fathers, the meritocracy that had been “The American Way” for more than 200 years gave way to something else.

It may be that life had become increasingly easy for most Americans. Even as early as 1960, President John Kennedy saw something corrosive happening to the character of America and Americans, when in his Presidential Inaugural Speech he said, “Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country.”

So affluent has America become that Americans have come to believe increasingly that every problem can be solved with money. Ignored is the real tragedy of modern America. As it has grown rich and richer, our country has become more and more removed from the ethos of personal responsibility and accountability that made America strong, powerful and respected. No longer self-reliant, Americans have begun seeing themselves as victims of every mishap and misfortune that comes their way. They have come to believe that they have the right to sue for every right they think they have. Forgotten or ignored is the fact that with every right – every freedom, if you will – comes a corresponding responsibility, and that the two are inseparable.

Americans have come to believe that nothing is their fault; that someone else is always to blame. They also have a growing sense of entitlement to compensation from anyone and everyone or any entity or entities that may have contributed in any way, direct or otherwise, to any injury, real or not, regardless of personal fault.

Seizing on society’s growing sense of victimization and entitlement, predator-attorneys helped convince much of the public that it has a “right” to sue neighbors, friends, even family members and employers, doctors, businesses and industries for whatever “wrongs” may occur.

Through advertising, media hype and the actions of lawyers and courts, much of society has been convinced that victimization and entitlement are normal, acceptable forms of behavior. Accordingly, we have been taught that harsh, aggressive, and vengeful pursuit of cash compensation for real or imagined “wrongs” is the new “American Way.” And it is as American as baseball and apple pie.

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Worse yet, when victimization is rewarded, it becomes legitimized and reinforced in ways that ultimately are destructive to the so-called “victims” and to society as a whole.

Fifty years ago, most of our parents or grandparents wouldn’t know how to find a lawyer let alone engage one. You just didn’t sue anyone. It wasn’t done. If you got injured, insurance would cover the claim or the offending party would pay the cost of the injury, if you were lucky. Everyone involved chalked up such experiences to the school of hard knocks and went on with their lives. We used to think, accidents happen! No one thought about punitive damages or compensation for trauma, mental anguish, or emotional distress. No one even knew what those terms meant. Not so today.

Confronted by the overwhelming litigation that surrounds us all and the disdain society feels toward lawyers, it is no wonder a poll by Harris Interactive concluded that 54% of those surveyed do not trust the legal system in America, while 83% believe the system makes it too easy to file frivolous lawsuits. In another Harris survey, only about 11% of the public said they had confidence in America’s law firms, which is only slightly higher than confidence the public has in the two lowest rated institutions surveyed – Wall Street and Congress. Even more revealing than the public’s negative attitude toward law firms is a Gallup poll that ranked lawyers next to last in honesty and ethics – just a hair above used car dealers. My, how far the mighty have fallen!

Despite these deep-felt negative apprehensions about the law and lawyers, an American Bar Association survey of its members incongruously indicates that 80% of the respondents think that, “In spite of its problems, the American justice system is still the best in the world.” Now that’s denial. “Of course, these poll results were reported by the news media, so they could be wrong,” says Dave Barry, the popular American satirist. “There might not actually have been any polls; it’s possible that some reporter just made the whole thing up. But I don’t think so.”

Despite such broad-based and growing public distrust of the civil justice system and disdain for lawyers, the public nonetheless appears undeterred in its headlong rush to get whatever it can from whomever it can.

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