#if they'll just stay intrusive thoughts or if they're gonna become reality
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ppl who sh for attention are so valid because oh my god no one who isn't mentally ill would sh as a way to get attention
#text#rotting#mine#I think abt this a lot#'oh they're just doin it for attention' and? there's clearly a fuckin problem if that's how they choose to do such???#no one whose mentally stable would ever go 'hehehe hohohooo I think it'd be funny to fake mental illness by actually self harmin'#honestly writin someone off bc its 'attention seekin' is just gonna make the problem worse...#I think bein attention seekin with sh is a product of neglect or their pain bein dismissed/ignored and sh is often used as a measurin tool#by many for 'how bad is it' no matter how wrong that is#so by sayin they're just attention seekin and dismissin their pain yer just reconfirmin their already held issues#honestly its wild how much of a 'no I don't actively sh or have any plans to commit die' will quell any urgency a doctor will have to treat#completely ignorin the fact I am 100% impulsive and have a history of doin shit and creatin the entire plan to attempt in one day#or get a little off my rockers and notice oh shit I just did that after it's already dmged myselff#but then again I don't feel like bein locked up because I honestly cannot give any consistent way to check#if they'll just stay intrusive thoughts or if they're gonna become reality#also not to go off on a further tangent but I hate the ppl on tiktok classifyin impulsive vs intrusive thought by whether you act on them#when you can 100% act on an intrusive thought... typically in delusion or in a way to make it stop or it's so overwhelmin you loose control#in my experience as a delusional bitch.. intrusive thoughts can and have won#and it can become hard to tell whether that's how I actually feel when my brain is violently tellin me it is#anyways that's a long road down a tangent but also not really and it did come full circle if you consider the fact that#the push to sh for attention is one of my intrusive thoughts eyooo#mostly born out of the fact my pain was never real enough to those around me. I was never considered sick enough. I had no proof of my pain#I was just a lost cause and it was all my fault. so yea. it did start as a way to try to make my pain real#altho it has warped and adapted overtime as my mental health has gone down a slippery slope to sh for attention from one person directly#guess I've been taught as I grew up that if I'm hurt enough I'll get attention I so desperately crave. always ignored if I wasn't in crisis#and I don't know how else to get what I want so even then I naturally just break down as it's my only ability instantly get attention#even if I'm not doin it on purpose I'm just so wired and trained to mentally or physically hurt myself in an explosive attempt#to get what I want regardless of if I want to take that method but the infightin in my head just makes it happen anyways#and it sucks because tbfh. it works. my behavior is reinforced almost constantly but it's also extremely dangerous to not be reinforced#cause then I don't know how to handle myself and get sui and it just sucks a lot
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