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#if not by faith then by the sword im going to be restored. vibe. of it qll
soldier-poet-king · 1 year
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Spent so long trying to separate my brain from the vague and undefined essence of My Being to survive the Mental Illness that I basically re-enacted Gnosticism 2.0 and not to be like, that's why my OCD emerged later than my more common flavoured generalized anxiety& chronic depression Brainrot, but it definitely Did Not Help. And now that I am (sometimes) at peace with my mind and given that I am no longer spending every waking moment trying to stay alive I have time to reflect on the lasting body-mind-soul division that I've created for myself and like. It fuckin sucks. I hate the body. I hate that I hate the body and being an incarnate creature. But also. It's so bad wrong awful. And tbh I still hate the mind a lot many days too!
#anyway bryn ur post is SO right and u are as always. correct#i just didnt wanna hijack it w rambles#but yeah.theee mental illness has done a number on me in many ways#but yeah the uh. body. we hate to see it. hate to have it.#smtn smthn tmg hebrews 11.40 i will get my perfect body back someday#if not by faith then by the sword im going to be restored. vibe. of it qll#also in the sparrow 2 emiliom talks abt this. and why he cant just get over what happened to him physically#because it was also a repeated assault of his soul#like yeah theres a lot of dynamics there re. divine abandonment and assault. but hes basically right#viz. my own hm horrible terrible no good very bad existence#sometimes i am terrified of eternity not for the usual reasons (im always terrified for those reasons its the ocd and existentialism)#but also for the like. physical resurrection??? in my religion??? fuck no. i DONT want that#i have to be stuck in this stupid ass form forever?#i cant even *** to get out of it ITS FOREVER#i want. to be a genderless shapeless benevolent void. maybe i can take on physical form when i want need#like the angels. i dont want THIS#anyway yeah yeah I'm trying but it just keeps getting harder#nothing fits right or looks right and im at the mercy of genetics giving me a body i dont want#and I cant even just sweat it out in agony bc oh boy look! youve now developed chronic joint pain TOO#if i cant look like i do in my mind i might as well be strong and powerful#but oh no. bitch is gonna get SO many physical ailments too#I DON'T WANNA DIE BUT I DONT WANNA LIVE LIKE THIS#franposting#brought to u by. button up shirt didnt sit right today. hips too thick for anything. have a whole extra goddam organ in my stomach#which i hate and do not want or need#etc etc etc
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obviouschild2014 · 3 years
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15, 21 & 26 for the tmg ask game :)
15. Have you read any of JD's books? What did you think?
Yes!!! ive read both wolf in white van and universal harvester. i remember really enjoying both and when i reread wolf earlier this year i think i 'got' it more. i like the way it slowly works its way backwards through time and every bit that described the trace italian is like.. it's like falling into a trance bro its crazy. i also found myself relating to sean in all these little ways and i was like UH OH BETTER NOT. universal harvester i read so long ago that i dont remember much except the vibe and that the book jacket is sooooo cool. planning on rereading soon!! my book list is very long LOL
21. Tell me your favourite line/s from a song you love.
hebrews 11:40 is one of my faves and every line is amazing as part of its whole but they work individually so well too Things like: "no ground is ever gonna hold me" and "blood calls to blood as the hours draw down" and "dont want to hurt anyone / probably gonna have to before its all done" and the All Timer "take to the hills, run away / im gonna get my perfect body back someday / if not by faith then by the sword / im going to be restored" gadzooks...
26. Saddest song?
" :((((((((((( " - me every time i hear in corolla. theres so much sadness in that whole album its kind of a lot.
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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years
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hxh RESUME
back at it again w/the hxh, heres my recap of the last few eps 
ok so i totally forgot to recap that one ep at the end of the hunter exam arc lets see what i remember from like 3 wks ago lollll
i thiiiiink i left off in the middle of ep 21 lol. i really dont remember much tbh so im gonna skim the ep to refresh
exposition time! its so wild that if you lose ur hunter card That It like u cant get another or retake the exam hgabjdfuhasjf Ls 
also the fact that you can sell it is rlly interesting 
leorio & kurapika backing up gon as he confronts illumi again :’) good lil family 
illumi u fool. gon is a shounen protag. he can do anything he sets his mind to
the fact that gon thanks illumi for telling him where killua is....hes literally THAT polite like...what a perfect boy 
hisoka just fuckgin stepping out of the shadows....ok bitch 
the fact that gon fucked up illumis arm that bad with one hand....boi is STRONK 
AUGH AUGH AUGHHHH HISOKA IS SO CREEPY AUGHHH I HATE THIS BIIIITCH 
ok but like is illumi implying that hisoka is a fr p*do bc uhhhhh thats so nasty oh lord. pls stay away from gon, and killua, and like everyone as a matter of fact 
EWWWWWWWWWW I HATE HISOKA HES SO NASTY. PLS STOP MAKING P*RNO FACES IN RELATION TO 12 YR OLD BOYS. 
no but rlly what IS hisoka gonna do now. im assuming he’ll show up p soon (tho probs not in the zoldyc arc like i thought bc its shorter than i thought) 
ok the fact that they have the internet is hilariously wild to me for some reason....it just seems like this would be one of those fantasy shounen worlds with very little tech (a la one piece) but lol nope we can just google shit hvbhjdhjdfks
gon: it was fun when you beat me up for 3 hours and broke my arm! seeya dude!
i love gon he is so chill and doesnt seem to hold grudges except when it really matters (like hisoka and illumi) 
hanzo has.....ninja business cards....thats amazing hvbhsdjkujfnd
dont worry pokkle, leorio was basically carried thru the hunter exam by various people and also won by default. he still deserves his license tho
an exotic game hunter sounds pretty cool! i wonder if we’ll see pokkle again. kinda doubt it? that sounds pretty firmly non-combat based, and therefore probably pretty far from any plot lol
so gons dad is a bigshot huh.....whatever hed be a bigger deal if he didnt abandon his son tbh 
gon swinging his feet on the bench....sooo cute 
so ging could restore a bunch of ruins but he couldnt raise his son...ok
im just gonna be bitter at this guy for abandoning the most perfect boy vhbhjfbsjhdhbfsk sorry dude but being a good hunter doesnt make up for being a shit father 
gon is so precious ;_; 
WHAT WAS SATOTZ GONNA SAY TO GON???
why does it look like theyre googling things on MS paint 
ah yes, padokea, on the continent of Africa But Sideways 
idk if i talked abt it before but the world map is WILD lmao i love how its all the continents/landmasses scrambled around.....im super curious abt that weird island in the top center of the map, thats the only thing that immediately sticks out as not having a real life equivalent 
the music in this show is so charming :’) i love the main theme sm 
gon is sooo precious i literally cant get over it. and his hurry to rescue killua is so sweet....and i love how naturally charming/charismatic gon is....pretty much everyone he meets likes him, especially leorio and kurapika, who basically adopted him after knowing him for like a day, and continue to be completely taken by him
ok wtf is satotz & co talking abt......do they know something abt ging that they arent allowed to tell gon???? shouldnt gon have access to the same info now that hes a hunter? i need ANSWERS
i bet this whole thing abt the hunter exam not rlly being over is a metaphor abt the hunter exam NEVER truly ending bc youre always being tested, or st
ok the ED continues to be So Much like especially the last shot where the 4 main characters look like theyre posing for a JC Penny catalog while the singer goes FULL metal-screamo
ok ruth and i just rewatched the next two eps woohoo
i love that there are tourist busses that take people to the front gates so they can like pose for pics and stuff vhbhjafdsfkj and its like ‘ah yes here are where the local assassins live!’ thats so funny yet it makes so much sense
i love that leorio passed tf out during the bus ride. big big mood 
gon is so cute...hes like ok yes i understand that we’re not supposed to go in but i think they can make an exception for me bc im very polite. 
those 2 dudes r so ugly and so dead god bless
that bigass buster sword....sir please 
ruth and i rlly thot that the old guard guy was gonna turn out to be grandpa zoldyk or st lol
the fact that the dog managed to eat All their flesh but left some clothes....skill 
also the dog is named mike but it sounds like the guy is calling him miku hvbjdfssk
this cant be the first time some morons have been killed here likeeee 
i cant believe nobody has visited the zoldyk estate in 20 years damn they all rlly b havin no friends. depressing 
the whole gates thing is wild. also that part where gon gets the math wrong on the weight.....BIG mood kiddo 
ok the part where gons on the phone w/the butler is soooo good oh man. i love how gon just calmly dials the phone again after hes hung up on the first time and then YELLS....and leorio and kurapikas faces r so good 
also the butler guy unfortunately has a point, it isnt foolproof that gon is here Legit....but he IS let him see his tiny bf :( 
as ruth pointed out, the butler guy is reminiscent of kuro from one piece. same vibes 
maybe if leorio was jacked like he is in the manga/1999 anime he couldve opened the gate that first time around....Ls 
god i love this shows approach to Everything so far,....as ruth put it, half the time its like ‘oh wow they should do [x]/i wish theyd do [x] but ofc they wont cause its a shounen’ but then they DO do [x] and its like damn thats dope 
anyways i love how gon is increasingly approaching situations with his Plucky Shounen Protag Attitude in full swing, and he pretty much gets shot down every time. BUT his general determination to see killua bc killuas his FRIEND and hes gonna RESCUE HIM is still a good and pure motivating force 
like here, when hes climbing over the wall and hes like whatever i dont wanna have to deal w/being tested thats bullshit, i wanna see killua, my intentions are pure, im gonna try my luck with the dog....i was like ok yeah he’ll get over and like tame or defeat the dog and the guard will be suitably impressed bc nobodys ever done That before, and then gon will continue on to get killua 
but NOPE instead the guard calls him down and explains that gon Will Die if he tries that, and then the guard will die too for letting that happen. and gon is like oh shit my actions have consequences for people other than me, wow. 
and THEN the guard takes them in to meet the dog. and hot DAMN that is a scary creature. not even really a dog tbh. they did an excellent job making the dog Legit Scary and not just like, big and flashy looking....those eyes are so soulless, and the proportions are freaky 
and the guard says exactly what i was thinking - that gon would use his Country Boy Woodland Creature Skills to workaround the dog....but then the subversion - this creature is NOTHING like the woodland critters gon is probably used to dealing with. theres no way gon stood a chance here. the guard just saved him from a really unfortunate death 
i love all the Super Heavy Stuff in the servant house that seems so inconvenient vbhjdkfasjfld. also forgot to mention earlier but the guard guy being Absolutely Ripped was wild and kinda funny 
training montage! gon continues to be so cute. and i love so much how leorio and kurapika are like no, you rest, we’ll take care of this. good parents!!!!
and then!!!! they sync up and use the power of gay love to almost open the gate. but then gon uses the power of Improbable Shounen Protag Healing Speed to toss that arm sling off and help out
i feel like leorio was side-eyeing gon like w8 a sec u broke that arm like a few days ago that aint right.....
oh man i almost forgot abt that scene with the zoldyks torturing killua :( :( this poor kid he doesnt deserve that 
also mom zoldyck seems truly awful but i must say her aesthetic does fuck. the victorian-lookin outfit paired with the futuristic cyclops visor thing....excellent. also im betting this face bandages are from killua cutting her face 
this family is so fucked up hvbsjdhjfbakdfn
killua telling his mom that gon is definitely gonna make it there :’) hes got such unshakable faith in his bf thats so good.....
back w/the gang, and immediately they run into more trouble in the form of the young girl butler, whose name i dont know, but i love her....her design is SO good oh man. a non-caricature black person? who also isnt sexualized? in MY anime??????
 i love how gons approach to conflict is currently ‘let more powerful person beat me up for hours straight in hopes that they get tired or something idk bro’ like....i love him lol, is it in an effort to show how determined he is? he doesnt even try to dodge her blows or get around her....id be tryin to hop that fence lol 
oh shit the tiny zoldyk kid from earlier is spying on them....she was w/the mom so im sure thats not good
when he punches the rock part and it breaks....strong boiiii 
oh man that little flashback from when killua first came back and told her that he made a friend ;_; bruh 
i love butler girl :( she wants to let gon but knows it isnt allowed....and as soon as she starts to waver BAM here comes mom zoldyck JFC that was so sudden and jarring....im assuming butler girl isnt dead cause that would be lame and anticlimactic 
also IS THAT NEN??? NEN>>>??? NEN??? HM? NEN????????? 
im so annoying abt nen i need to make one of those ‘is this a pigeon?’ memes w/’is this nen?’ bc thats me anytime anything remotely weird happens lmao
i do think its rlly nen this time tho
anyways shit is wild, cant wait to meet the full zoldyck family 
PREDICTION CORNER: 
as i said above i doubt hisoka will show up now bc this arc is a lot shorter than i anticipated. also im doubting that illumis even gonna show up honestly 
i think we’re gonna have this OP for a while, as the part just at the end shows gon and hisoka fighting in what looks to be an arena, and ik the next arc is the heavens arena arc, which im assuming is the tournament arc....
also i have no idea what that weird building in the OP is but my guess is that its the building w/the heavens arena in it bc its tall and,,,,heaven 
i predict there wont be much fighting in this little arc bc how tf else is it so short. at this point i rlly think gon is just gonna grab killua and go lmao. im super curious abt how thats gonna go down, considering that killua is currently strung up just bc he wont apologize...so i cant imagine his family would just let him leave w/gon. i wonder if killua will fight them, or if gons determination will impress them and then theyll let killua go (doubt it)
thats basically it....we’ll see abt the next few eps holla
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