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dionysia-does-stories · 6 months

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The Human Chapter 2

Cringetober 2023, Day 25: Gijinka

On AO3

Rating T - 560 words - Nightvale - Cecil & Tumblr

Summary: A human anthropomorphism of Tumblr breaks into the studio to take a picture of Cecil for the nude Tumblr Sexyman Calendar.

Story:

Dear listeners I am bring you an update on my new title as Tumblr Sexy-man. I am once again joined in the studio by the being that I previously identified as the human. They have explained to me that the human is not an entirely accurate description.

I apologized profusely for my assumptions. My own aunt is not a human but also not-not a human. She is a secret other thing that defies all explanation and description. Despite the fact this has been her known state of being for many, many, many years it is still often the source of annual holiday fights in my family.

We annually celebrate the coming of celestial darkness and the dead visiting from the other world with a large family gathering. And the spirit of my great-great-great-grandfather insists that my aunt can’t both not be human and not-not human.

Which is just like such a bummer. Let it go man. Identity is an ever evolving concept you don’t have to anthropomorphize everything. We could be eating our marshmallow crusted ham-product in peace. But no. We have to have this same arbitrary conversation about what the exact nature of being is. UGH….

But then again, Great^3 Grandfather also keeps insisting that mountains are real and he passes through them every time he travels from the Otherworld back to our World. So, he’s crazy.

Anyway, the “human” (they said it was fine as long as you pronounce the parenthesis) is actually the personification of a webbed site. I clarified if they meant webbed like the toes of a frog. They said, “yes”. Then proceeded to tell me facts about frogs. Several facts were urban myths or were deliberately made up. At one point there was a video of frogs in party hats celebrating one frog’s birthday. Then there was a link that claimed to be the frog’s birthday present but was actually a link to Rick Astley singing “Never Gonna Give You Up. They then showed me a comic summarizing all the other things they showed me.

What’s this? Oh, It’s beautiful! I have good news, they have given me an advance copy of the Sexyman Calendar. Which is just wow. Really nice. There are other men in it though. Which I didn’t realize would happen. Can this still be a gift for Carlos? Can I rip out the months that don’t feature me? What has February ever done for Carlos? Nothing.

There is a small squishy skeleton, who is even more nude then I am in my pictures. After all, I am still wearing my skin. He was apparently the runner-up. Which, I mean, I get it.

There’s a very skinny man with green gloves. Why do the gloves go up his arms so far? That is all he’s wearing though. He seems like he would talk a lot at parties. Like you would keep hinting that it was time for you to circulate around the room. But he would keep talking. He would just keep talking.

I think December is my favorite month. It’s one of the last photos the “human” took during my shoot. We had started to get very experimental. It’s just my socks hung on the mantle and stuffed to bursting with wheat stalks. I really think that says it all, listeners.

#welcome to night vale #fanfiction #wtnv fan fiction #wtnv fanfic #fanfic #cecil palmer #Tumblr gijinka #anthropormorphic Tumblr #tumblr sexyman #tumblr sexymen poll #I think I got three separate holidays into this little ficlet #to be fair I did combine the fall holidays into one thing #shout out to the good aos si #if mountains aren't real then where's the otherworld Cecil?

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