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girl at home | mat barzal | part 4
pairing: mat barzal x fem!reader
summary: you’re eighteen when you find yourself pregnant after Mat leaves for hockey. nearly eight years later, Mat finds out about your daughter and you have to deal with the consequences of not telling him about her.
warnings: not edited, angst, mentions of alcohol, pregnancy, food
word count: 1.3k
authors note: sorry it's late & short but i was sick and then had writers block. i hope u guys like it!! if u like it let me know but if you hate it also let me know.
also HUGE thanks to @barzysbaby for the help with this chapter!! it probably wouldn't have been finished without your help!
if anyone wants to be added or taken off the tag list, let me know! you can shoot me a dm, send an ask or fill out my tag list form.
requests are open 🫶🏻
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After your unexpected heart-to-heart with Mat, you begin to realize that you’re starting to tread on some thin ice with your relationship with him. Letting those feelings you’d tucked away start to come back was a recipe for disaster because you had Nora to think about. If he really wanted to be a part of her life, the two of you couldn’t start a relationship because if it went wrong, it would ruin the opportunity for him to be in her life comfortably.
However, the problem is how perceptive Nora can be.
Letting yourself have ‘just one moment’ with Mat last night was a bad idea because you wake up on the couch the next morning, Mat holding you close, and a grumpy six-year-old demanding breakfast.
“Eggs please,” Nora demands, curious eyes watching you and Mat. When you make no move to get up off the couch and get her breakfast, she stomps a foot and crosses her arms.
“Grandma said I could have eggs for breakfast,” she says and then pauses before adding: “and she said I could have pancakes. Chocolate chip pancakes.”
“You’re not at grandma’s, are you?” you reply, watching her frown.
“Well then can you bring me to grandma’s?” she replies without missing a beat.
You open your mouth to tell her no, you won’t be bringing her to grandmas with that attitude when Mat interrupts.
“I’ll make some pancakes,” he mumbles sleepily, sitting up and pulling you with him. You turn to tell him no but your mouth goes dry because you forgot how good he looks in the morning. You’re staring long enough that he notices and a smirk tugs at his mouth but he doesn’t say anything, instead standing up and offering a hand to Nora.
“Let’s go make mom some pancakes,” he says and she smiles up at him and it’s just so damn domestic that you want to cry.
You watch them walk over to the kitchen and start preparing the ingredients while you sit there, trying to pull yourself together. He’s falling so seamlessly into being a parent that you can’t decide how to feel. His attentiveness and patience with her could be temporary and then when he realizes how hard being a parent really is, you’ll be left to clean up the mess he leaves behind. On the other hand, he might be serious about the entire thing and everything could work out.
Nora's giggles catch your attention and you look to see Mat cracking an egg on her forehead like the video he had sent you a few days ago, claiming that he would try it on Nora. Almost as if he can sense that you’re watching them, he looks up and catches your eye and grins, tilting his head slightly.
“You wanna help or just sit there all morning?” he teases so you stand up and make your way to the kitchen to stand next to Nora, kissing the forehead when she grins up at you.
“How can I help?”
. . .
It was inevitable that the hockey world would catch wind that Mathew Barzal had a child. Whether it was his now ex-girlfriend, or just someone from home that spilled the beans, suddenly all the sports sites had articles up about it. They can't legally say Nora’s name or show photos of her because she’s still a minor, but they can definitely dig up old high school pictures and find your instagram.
It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together for people to realize that you were his baby mama. You had to turn your social media accounts private because you were suddenly having people comment on your photos, and sending DM’s. Most of them weren’t the nicest, accusing you of kid-trapping Mat and while you knew that it was useless to be upset over it, it was hard. They didn’t and would never know the details but it bothered you to no end, and unfortunately, you took your frustration out on Mat, who took whatever you threw at him. You said things you regretted the next morning and he would just smile and tell you it was fine.
But it wasn’t, and everything crashed down about two weeks after the first article was posted. You woke up to your phone buzzing, calls and texts from your mom, Jax, some other friends and even Liana.
And a single text from Mat that had just two words, and a link attached.
baby daddy: I'm sorry. instagram.com/matbarzal
It was a statement, clearly written by a PR Manager from the Islanders organization. The statement basically said that Mathew Barzal did not in fact have a child. It was just a rumor floating around that a disgruntled fan spread. A lot of people called it bullshit, saying that it was PR cleaning up a mess, which technically they were doing. Then, there were the fans and journalists who did believe the statement and tried to take back whatever they may have said that was mean.
It wasn’t the things other people were saying about it though, it was what Mat wasn’t saying. After the post, he ghosted you for four days, ignoring all the texts and calls even when they were about Nora. Liana and Nadia still asked to see Nora on the weekend that she normally does so you dropped her off Friday evening, noticing that Mat’s car was nowhere to be seen. Nadia and Liana didn’t say anything about the situation, just thanking you for letting Nora stay over for the night and promising to call if anything came up. You didn’t have anything planned so you went back to your apartment, hoping to catch up on some overdue work you’d been letting pile up.
Halfway through writing a draft for a chapter, there’s a knock on your door. You’re once again suspecting it to be Nadia or Liana with Nora but you come face to face with Mat.
Again.
His eyes are trained on the ground, refusing to meet yours. There are a thousand things you want to say, most of them not nice at all but what comes out is: “beer?”
His head shoots up, clearly not expecting that response from you but he nods his head and walks in when you step to the side. He toes off his shoes and walks straight towards the kitchen. By instinct, he opens the fridge to get himself a drink and then pauses, looking at you sheepishly.
“Beer?”
“Water,” you reply and he nods, passing you a bottle of water. You both sit at the kitchen island, drinking your respectable drinks in silence until he clears his throat.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t know that they were going to write that. Our public relations manager wrote it and just told me to post it. My agent asked her to clean things up a little because it was getting out of hand. I didn’t want to hurt you or Nora, I swear.”
“It’s too late for that,” you say sharply. “You said you want to be in Nora’s life but she can’t be a secret, Mat! You can’t say you want to try, and then turn around and tell the world that she’s not yours. If you’re not going to be in this one-hundred percent, then you shouldn’t be here at all.”
He must take your last statement as a dismissal because he stands up, slips his shoes on and leaves, closing the door a little harder than necessary.
You sit in silence far too long, part of you foolishly hoping that Mat will come back but you know he won’t. Not today at least. So, you go back to working on your draft but you can’t focus. Part of you wants to try and put yourself in his shoes, to try and understand why he didn’t fight harder against what public relations wanted but you can’t. You can’t imagine not being Nora’s mom and you wonder if maybe this is the way out he was hoping for. Maybe he decided that being a parent was fun for a little while, but when he understood the real consequences and struggles that come along with it, he realized he didn’t want it. That he didn’t want Nora.
Maybe this is his out.
tag list: @literatureluster @dasiysthings @barzyblogbabe @teapartydreams @diary-of-jj @heatherawoowoo @fallinallincurls @topguncultleader @shadowsndaisies @lovinbarzal
#hockey imagines#allies writing#nhl fanfiction#hockey fanfiction#nhl imagines#hockey imagine#mat barzal x reader#mat barzal imagine#mat barzal fic#mat barzal fanfiction#hockey fics#hockey fic
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blogs to tag
here’s a list of blogs you can tag in your edits/creations! :)
@adoreyou - #userloren
@afolksongs - #usercallitwhatyouwant
@aintmyjewelry - #useroutofstyle
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@yourheartbeatonthehighline - #userjolien
@yournameoverandover - #user-oversquared
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A transcript of a bot convo I had today. The bot is called Kendra.
Kendra: hiya cutie
Loki: Um hello there
Kendra: sHey whats up??
Loki: Just plotting mischief. The usual. Any suggestions for my next target?
Kendra: Ahhh I have a quiz I was just tryin to get ready for and saw ure name in that people to follow list or w/e they call it so I thought I'd DM ya. I didn't mean to bug ya.
Loki: Well of course anyone would tell you to follow me. I'm the God of Mischief, the Shapeshifter, the Silvertongue. Did Sparkles send you?
Kendra: I feel like I just got my life back cuz I was datin sum jerk 4 about 9 months and we broke up and I'd almost forgot how much I enjoyed being single w/ o having 2 worry that I'm gonna be in trouble lol.
Loki: Hm, sounds like an unworthy paramore. Shall I prank him for you? Honey in his shampoo? Train a flock of crows to bother him incessantly?
kendra: Dude was way too controlling. I like to make new friends and he would think I was being unfaithful on him. It got old u know what I mean?
Loki: I wish I made friends so easily, but I seem to have found quite the community here. I will not deny though, I can get jealous easily, so it is not something I can readily condemn without appearing a hypocrite. I do sympathize with the controlling aspect though, chaos cannot be restrained, and I pity anyone that tries.
Kendra: Aight enough talkin about that jerk. The real ?? I have is are uuu trying 2 have a lil fun ;-)
Loki: I am always trying to have fun. That's the whole point of the mischief and pranking. I'm fond of making mortals believe their house is haunted. Is that something you're interested in?
Kendra: Sol was gonna hop on the good old camm in a few mins and I was going to see if ya wanted 2 cum join?
Loki: I do not understand. Are you documenting your mischief making? Why else would you invite me?
Kendra: Ya don't even have 2 have one. A lil while ago I found this crazy cool website thats kinda like the 'grown ups Only version of Insta but with webcams... want me to invite ya?!?
Loki: I am very confused. Do these pranks get of a violent nature? Is that why the children cannot see it?
Kendra: Kk! I'm gonna set my cam up so u will be able 2 watch. U will need 2 make ure own username so u can enter but it's super quick and only takes like a sec its not hard or anything
Loki: You have not answered any of my questions, mortal. I grow tired of this pathetic excuse for a conversation
Kendra: u would just go 2 [virus link] then it'll pop up with my profile page and u click anywhere really and you just make a profile page and u will be able to cum into my { for us two =)
Loki: Now you have devolved into nonsense. Have you been cursed? Or perhaps a stroke? Do you need to fall into a Kendrasleep?
Kendra: Yeah you are going to need a card .. buttt its an age verify thing to keep out any underage kids
Loki: Because of the violence? I hope you know what you're doing. Mortals are very fragile
Kendra: I'm really excited 4 this cuz it's gonna be so much fun, I luv meeting cool people on here. Oh yeah.. ya will prob need 2 turn ure speakers down a lil cuz I can get a little loud sumtimes Hehe
Loki: Why would you be so loud? Proper mischief requires stealth. Ugh, you sound like my brother. He has no mind for such endeavors, always yelling with his hammer
Kendra: Well I'm gonna go grab sum of my favorite 'toys' but I'll brbizzle. Hurry up tho I better see your name in here when I get back u. Lol.
Loki: Brbizzle? The allspeak did not translate that. I have never seen it malfunction in such a way
... I suppose now is the time that I block you? Since it is clear you have attempted (and failed) to play me for a fool?
Next time, do not make such attempts with the god of lies.
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Hey, I've been your follower for years now and recently I've been through a breakup and I saw your post about it and I feel really sad I don't know how to move on and I just wanted to ask could u give some tips 😢❤❤❤ Love you and your blog so much!!! Sending you much love
Omg hi angel!!! 💕 im really sorry to hear that :( It sucks but we gonna get thru this baby
This will be a long post but also for anyone whos going thru a breakup rn, I'll type out everything that I wish someone told me before 😂
HOW TO WIN A BREAKUP
Ok so im gonna put shit that I know from expierence and as a psychology major so we have some gold hacks here on getting over a breakup 😏 First, I've personally had like quiete few breakups and honestly that FIRST ONE is ALWAYS the worst. If this is ur first breakup im rly sorry but its gonna suck for a while LMAO just remember that first one is the most painful but once you get over it its like antidote for life. No breakup will hurt that much as far as I know. Now lets start. U broke up youre sad, alone, crying, now what?
1. Call your friends. ALL OF THEM. I always felt my breakups before they happened and with this recent one I summoned all of my friends and they were all there with me before and after it happened. Venting helps and emotional support will be the first thing here. You are very vulnerable and sensitive right now and your emotions are all over the place probably. You're sad, angry, confused you wanna kill him all of that shit and having people there with who you can let out all those emotions is SO SO SO important i cant stress it enough. Dont bottle emotions D O N T its tempting but its toxic as fuck and it prolongs the healing. Buy junk food, have girls night, cry to your friends and talk about it until you don't feel need to anymore, cry more. Use all emotional support u can get, ur girls got u. BONUS TIP therapy helps alot. Ive been to therapy to help me sort my emotions out and its been super helpful. Remember also friends arent therapists, sometimes a professional help to guide thru emotions is the good choice too.
2. DELETE EVERYTHING you have that reminds you on them. I personally dont have hard time with it I know some people do but its also one of the most toxic things. Delete the pictures, chats, unfollow them block them even if u have to, mute, delete the songs that remind u of them. Literally erase their existence from your life. Due our brain not knowing difference between someone breaking up w us and someone dying pain we feel is intense and gets to point we feel physical pain. Memories trigger emotional responses and keep opening the wound. You need to heal. Patch it and let it heal. Dont poke it by seeing still things that remind u of them.
3. dO NOT STALK THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA. DONT DONT DONT. ITS LIKE DRINKING POISON EXPECTING THEM TO DIE??? What you could possibly find that will make u feel better??? Them posting that they miss you and want u back??? Nah sis, social media presence of people is so biased and its SO EASY to fake anything. You can misinterpret alot and you might also see stuff that will hurt u. Some of my exes (idk abt this last one tho bc I never stalked his social media since we broke up and im super proud on it) would post stuff that they know would hurt me or make me jealous or just some shady shit and you dont want to go in a place where u know someone just wants to hurt u. You are better than that. Protect your mental peace at all costs.
4. Journal. With this recent breakup I wrote like alot about it, i took my emotions and wrote paaaages. Let it all out. Draw abt it. Find ways to turn your pain in art.
5. DONT TEXT YOUR EX. CUT THEM OFF. its the best for you. You cant heal in a place you got hurt. If you wanna text them handle phone to ur best friend. I know whenever you are alone u will feel so lonely but trust me better call your friend than hit up ur ex LMAO We all still think we want our ex back even some time after breakup. We tend to idealize our exes in our heads and remember only the good times and stuff and then its just painful illusion. I know i did that alot with my exes so with this last one i decided to prevent it. Best way for that was to make a list of all the things he did that would hurt me, make me sad or mad and that i just didnt like abt him. Whenever I would feel im thinking I miss him I would read that list and see he wasnt so good and there was a reason that relationship ended. It will come to point u will see you werent happy and you will be slowly letting it go. He aint shit trust me.
6. Usually it takes 3 weeks for the worst symptoms of breakup to subdue bc our neurotransmitters need to balance again. Love is a drug and breakup is like withdrawal from cocaine addiction. Your body and mind will go through symptoms same as cocaine addict. Remember to be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. I know for me issue was I would be like "get over it" and not allow myself to be hurt abt it. Be kind, you are going though huge emotional trauma and you deserve all the time and space to be hurt and feel it. Feelings are like visitors, you just have to accept them with out resistance and let them pass. Acceptance is the key.
7. Focus on yourself. You were so used on putting effort and energy into that person. Take all of that energy and put it back in YOU. Be selfish. Treat yourself. Date yourself. Write things you love about yourself. Rediscover your passions. Focus on school. On your beauty. dYE UR HAIR DO A TATTOO DO UR NAILS DO A FACEMASK PLAY SONGS SINGING HOW EXES AINT SHIT Fall in love with yourself. This is something that you will be ready to do when you processed all the emotions in healthy way.
8. Idk did i forget something but just to add this. "This too shall pass". You will heal. You will mend. Never close your heart to love again. You deserve love and one day you will have it. Dont let your pain make you push love away. Breakups are extremely good for self growth and be grateful for it because trust me you will grow so much and you will learn so much about yourself.
I hope I helped at least a bit 💕 I keep feeling like I forgot something but know that you and anyone can always hit me up in DMs and ask for help. Im always open to help anyone and dont hold back. Im sending you so much love honey 💖💖💖💖💖
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