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thatfuzzyfamiliarspace · 2 years

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My sex drive is in overdrive rn. I just feel so god damn horny all the time ?? I got so upset yesterday when he didn’t fuck me for a second time. I’m trying so hard to look good for him. And be happy and do what he says. I want him to not be able to keep his hands off of me. I wanted him so badly. And I asked and asked and he kept saying no and then he said I didn’t do anything to start anything ??! I’m so confused. And then even after making it so clear, he still left me alone for the rest of the night. I woke up wanting him so bad. But I’m his sleep he never seems bothered. He rolls away. I tried all morning to wake him up or get him hard. And even after finally getting fucked good, I felt so guilty. Like he didn’t want it. And I just kept wanting more.

Idk maybe his libedo just isn’t the same as it used to be. Maybe it’s because he had to limit himself when we’re at his house. Maybe he’s just not in the mood or he’s got other stuff on his mind. Im probably being irrational again. Like yesterday. He said I made all that stuff up that got me upset. Maybe im doing that again. But why do I do that ? Why do I sabotage myself ? Yesterday was great, perfect even. Then all of a sudden I feel rejected and it all goes to pot ? I feel so bad coz he asks me for what attention I want and idek how to word it. I know how it would feel but how to you communicate that ? And even so, he’s made it pretty clear he doesn’t operate in any other way without it feeling fake. I just want us to mesh properly as he kept saying.

Yesterday I done my makeup and tried to look cute for when he was gonna meet me for lunch. I wanted to run up to his car and give him the biggest squeeze and kisses. But then he needed to rest. And I didn’t let that get me down. And when I saw him after work all I wanted to do was run and jump at him but I couldn’t coz he was having some political convo with him mum. And it just forced me to shift my mindset. I’ve age regressed so much on my own at home lately. And it just never seems to get a chance to happen with him. And it’s that forceful shift that really knocks me sometimes. Whether it be from feeling little to having to be “normal” or when I feel horny and submissive but then he acts all goofy and makes me feel silly and rejected. It’s such a harsh push from one thing to another. And then it just lets all these shitty thoughts in coz idk how to deal with it. In my head, if your naked girlfriend is in bed with you, wanting you, touching you, on the verge begging you to fuck her, and you just don’t show any interest and act completely off key to that, it just makes me feel awful and embarrassed. It makes me think you don’t view me in some lustful wanting way. Back at the beginning of the year, every morning he would touch me. We’d always do something before I left for work. It was like he couldn’t sit next to me without getting horny. I don’t get that same vibe anymore. And idk if I’m doing something or not doing something to contribute to that. It’s such an important factor for me. That makes me feel loved and wanted. So it’s hugely noticeable when things take even the smallest shift. He said yesterday that he wanted to watch me get undressed a second time after I went downstairs for him. He didn’t even look up from his phone when I took my clothes off. Idk I’m just getting myself upset again.

I just feel so guilty about this morning. I don’t think he wanted that. And all I can think about is that I want more. I want him.

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hayleybaaaby-blog · 7 years

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im so boreddd

1. If you’ve ever tried drugs or alcohol, what was your reason for first trying it? i was always around someone else when i was trying or doing something, but that was sooo long ago..

2. Do you think you could ever have an abortion if you unexpectedly turned up pregnant right this second? absolutely. i'm not have any more babydaddys. next man i get pregnant by is the guy i wanna end u p with.

3. If you were far from home and needed to sleep for the night, would you choose to rent a crappy motel room for $60 or sleep in your car for free? trust me, as someone who lived in a motel for around exactly a year with my abusive babydaddy, daughter, & baby in my belly .... too much drama, nastiness, & lowlives.

4. Is there a color shirt you’d NEVER wear? i guess i wouldn't wear like neon orange or green lol. actually, probably wouldn't wear anything neon.

5. Is there a situation where you caved into peer pressure and regretted it? all the times i drank underage. it wasn't many, but yeah. miserable.

6. What is your favorite video game console? Why? used to be xbox 360. haven't had one of those in YEARS.

7. Do you like vanilla candles?

sure, i guess.

8. Have you ever been in a relationship that was going great, and then suddenly something weird happened and you just KNEW it was going to be over soon? i dunno?

9. Would you ever bleach your hair platinum blonde? i have bleached my hair plenty of times 😂

10. What are your plans for tomorrow? well, since it's already 2:20 am, tomorrow will be Monday .. I get paid. ✨

11. What did you have for breakfast? didn't eat breakfast.

12. Have you had sex in 2017 yet? consensual & nonconsensual ....

13. Who last slept in your bed besides you? my children lol. 💖

14. What time did you wake up today? couldn't even fall asleep..

15. How long until your next birthday? i'll be 23 on July 12th! 🎈🎉✨

16. What was the last movie you watched? shit idek 😂😂 i only watch shows on Netflix & our DVR. i can't even sit through a movie now loool. think the last one i watched was Stepbrothers.

17. If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Fetty Wap 😍😍 whateverrr, he's fineee. 18. When did you last consume something that had peanut butter? few days ago. peanut butter and crackers lol.

19. What’s the last song you heard? the hills - the weeknd

20. When you say you love someone, do you mean it? that's the only time i'll say it lol. i only tell my kids and family that i love them, and then a select few friends.

21. Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow? yasss, if i can ever get some rest. 😭😫 toooo much on my mind.

22. Do you still talk to any of your ex’s? yeah, a few. now that Luis doesn't control my every move, I can talk to whoeverrrr.

23. As of this minute, what is going through your mind? Luis....

24. Where’s the last place you went? Prospect Mart. shit i don't get out much.

25. Have you held hands with anyone lately? my babygirl 😇

26. Has anyone let you down recently? actually, yeah 😂😂 dude approached ME, and then just wanted to dip when he realized that my life IS as difficult as i've said it is..

27. Does it bother you when people try to make you jealous? uh, yeah???

28. Whats the next movie you want to see in theaters? i don't even have a way to go see a movie.

29. Do you have more than $50 in your room? nope.

30. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? yeah, they're still married, too.

31. Were you tired when you woke up this morning? im tired 24/7.

32. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? LUIS HERRERA.

33. When was the last time you went apple picking? omg, i was soooo young!

34. Do you sometimes wake up in the morning, lay in bed and think about life? not anymore, i shove that shit so deep down. i hate thinking about all of this bs.

35. Are you happy summer is coming soon? of course! Paradise Lake and Holliday Lake, here we come! wish it could be the beach, but it's okay. 😊

36. Do you have drama in your life? so fucking much. thank you, luis. court is coming up this month.

Is there a person in your life that can always make you smile? there are 2, in fact - my children 💜💙

Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around now? yeah, POS tried to kill me and did other very personal and graphic shit to me. so, now he's rotting in jail..

Are you a jealous person? maybe i should've been 😂😂 then possibly i would've gotten cheated on less?

Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant? i would lose my shit.

When is the next time you’re traveling out of state? yeah right lol. i don't have the money for that.

Can you write your name in a foreign language? it'd be the same regardless, lol.

When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music? yessss.

Do you leave the curtains/blinds closed or open while you sleep? Closed..

What is your favorite day of the week? I'm a stay-at-home Mom. all the days are the same/

Do you generally do the same thing every day of the week? yes, taking care of my kids, cooking, cleaning, going outdoors w the babies.

What is something you did yesterday and wish you could’ve done today? didn't do anything in particular, except taking the kiddos outside to swim in the kiddie pool.

If you woke up tomorrow and knew/spoke a different language, which language would you want it to be? Spanish. my kids are half Mexican!

What did you last order online? Mama Bear, Sister Bear, & Baby Bear shirts 😍😍😍

Do you have any specific hobbies? taking pics of my kids lmao

What’s a song you recently discovered that you want to tell everyone about? Alone by Marshmello, but honestly that was a while ago. im just still obsessed.

Favorite fall or winter accessory? uhhhh.. a warm jacket?

Do you like to swim? LOVE to swim!

How many books are in your room? a lot, i guess. but i don't even read anymore.

What did you last eat? shiii, i honestly don't know. i feed my kids & don't eat lmao.

Name one of your goals for this year. FORGET LUIS.

What does your 9th message on your phone say? my phone isn't set up that way.

Look to your left. What’s there? wall.

How long does it take you to fall asleep? hours.

Are you scared about the end of the world? yes.

Is there a TV in the room you are in? yeah, a tiny little tv from like when i was a kid 😂 that's why i never hang out in my room.

What are you looking forward to? going summer clothes shopping for my kiddos. Leonardo is outgrowing clothes so fast. he's fitting 6 month snuggly.

What comes to your mind when I say red? the gum big red./

What other language do you want to be fluent in? Spanish.

Do you crack your neck often? no lmao.

Worst feeling in the world? having the man you love devastate you in every way, from cheating to ALL forms of abuse to lies to stealing to trying to kill you. but the worst? is giving my kids a shit father..

Name something you think is pointless? relationships. they're dumb asf.

Favorite fast food restaurant? locally, Taco Bell or Wendy's. we don't have many options lol.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? yes, a few./

Did you have a weird dream last night? i have the worst nightmares .

Do you wish at 11:11? heh not anymore.

#survey #personal survey

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