i do believe that jin guangyao planned on killing his father really early on. he perhaps hadn't really had it completely thought out until much later on but i think the thought had been on his mind the moment he rejected him, the moment he refused to help his mother. but then he’s still his father & he was also desperate to be accepted into the jin sect & in some ways his position was fragile at best so of course he was more than willing to do what jgs asked of him. especially because he couldn’t very well kill him right away if his claim to the sect and claim as sect leader was fragile at best. he was playing the long game with his revenge.

        jin guangyao one hundred percent learned how to act, ( all the smiles, the soft demeanour, the conflict resolution) from his mother / the sex workers he grew up with. cause in some ways, you do kind of play a part, a potentially exaggerated version of yourself when you’re a sex worker.

       the .... um customer service smile, is obviously an act, it’s part of the performance, partly imo learned from his mother & the other sex workers at the brothel he grew up in. his ‘innocence, i’m so scared, weak & feel so bad about my actions’ thing is also part of said act, but also partly not in the sense that, jgy’s main goal outside of his ambition & being accepted by jgs, is ultimately his survival. so, i do believe in certain moments he was legitimately fearful for his life (because of things he was caught doing) but at the same time putting on the act, playing the part. and i think there were only a few moments where he allowed himself to show his pure rage, which was usually under wraps.

whether it be melodies that give you inspiration for your muse or songs that get you into the writing mood—pick 10 songs you find to give you the urge, the drive, or the creativity to write for your muse—then tag your peeps to get an insight on their musical inspirational feels.

SONGS TO WRITE JIN GUANGYAO.

one.  in the wings: mother mother. two.  look what you made me do: jack leopards & the dolphin clubs. three.  brand new city: mitski. four.  are you hurting the one you love?: florence + the machine. five.  lying beast: run river north. six.  are you hurting the one you love?: florence + the machine. seven. simmer: metric. eight.  i put a spell on you: jay hawkins. nine.  tipsy: chloe x halle. ten.  oh no!: marina and the diamonds

tagged by: stole from my other blog

tagging: say i tagged you

╳ FLAWS.

moody | short-tempered | emotionally closed off | whiny | controlling | conceited  | possessive | paranoid | liar | impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power-hungry | greedy | lazy | judgemental | forgetful | impulsive | spiteful | stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky

♔ STRENGTHS.

honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave | patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky | intelligent | confident | focused | humble | generous | merciful | observant | wise | charming | cheerful | optimistic | adaptive | calm

TAGGED BY: stole it 

TAGGING: say i tagged you

okay but that moment when jin zixuan mentions a certain quirk of jgy’s when he lies but chances are that quirk is fake bcs it’s all a damn lie... everything, in some way is a performance... what’s even real. what isn’t a performance.

hmm second tag