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idyllic-ghost · 2 years

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learning to love; jun x fem!reader

request: Hii!! I'm new to your work but i really like everything that you do so i was wondering if i could request a fic? I was wondering if you could make a longer fic for jun of seventeen, i was thinking it could be about him and his friend being in love but the friend keeps denying any feelings that she has and actually making them a official relationship (even if they know it's mutual) because of junhui’s job as a idol (scared for him because of what a relationship would do to him and svt plus because of her own insecurities) so junhui has to work through the walls she keeps up plus help her understand his side of things?? Please make it be angst & fluff with a really sweet/happy ending where they do get together officially!! Also please use 44, 17, and 7 from the promptlist (i use she/her pronouns but it's fine to make it gender neutral if you want too btw)

prompts: 7. "being in love is not a weakness" 17. "you're my home" 44. "you need someone. let me be that person. let me be what you need"

synopsis: junhui helps you through the five stages of love; acceptance, happiness, trust, love, and safety.

a/n: this is around 30 pages long, it's possibly the longest thing i've written in a while... if you do end up reading this, i really hope you enjoy it! i had a lot of fun writing it :)

cw: insecurities, paparazzi, twitter, cats

genre: friends to lovers, fluff, angst-

word count: ~6k

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it's been a year since he figured it out himself, two years since his friends had caught on. still, nothing had happened. feelings, especially romantic ones, would always be a mystery to jun. how do we get them? why do they go away?... why won't they go away? for him, the latter question was especially important at this point in time. why won't his feelings go away, and why is it so hard for you to accept yours? it had been a year since he figured out his feelings for you, but it had been almost half a year since you figured out your feelings for him. for some reason you could tell him, but you didn't want to talk further about it. both of you knew of each others feelings, but nothing was done about it. jun felt like time was seeping through the gaps of his fingers. he was just waiting for somebody else to come along in your life and take the place he could've been in. there was nothing he wanted more than for his feelings to go away, but they only grew stronger around you.

you. your laugh, your smile, your soft touches, your sweet voice; you filled all of his senses until he couldn't think straight. he was drunk on you. so when you told him you were in love with him, his heart soared - only for it to crash when you said that the two of you wouldn't work out. since then, the two of you had been friends as normal - just so awfully close. sometimes you were right next to him, but it felt like he was on the other side of the ocean. then, in other moments he can't believe that you could ever be any closer. him, laying on your couch. you, laying on top of him. maybe you were watching a movie, maybe you were talking about something unimportant. the only thing that mattered was that he could feel your heartbeat match up with his, that his hand was gently placed on your head, that your scent was engulfing him, that your hands were placed on his shoulder, and that your legs were so perfectly tangled together. "junhui..", you would whisper. jun could only hum in response, so completely transcended by you. "could you ever imagine a life without me?" the question would've normally caught him off guard, but after an hour of just laying there with you his brain had shut down, and he could only speak from the heart. "maybe in a different dimension... but even if some sort of divine power was trying to drag you away from me, i would still try to hold onto you. i don't think i would like myself very much if i didn't have you around."

the truth is, jun knew you were scared - and he definitely knew why. he wasn't invisible to the world, there were constant cameras trying to capture his picture. with you in his world, with you as his lover, this constant attention would only get so much worse - for you especially. how would people react when he decided to start dating? it was surreal to think that people would care so much about his dating life, but it was the tragic truth of his career. of course, he didn't want to put you through that - but with what he was feeling, he thought it was worth even just a try.

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you didn't know what to do. there was no way you could deny your feelings, that was why you had confessed in the first place. then again, there was no way you could ever be in a relationship with him. of course, there was his fame - but what you didn't think he would understand was that there was also your own insecurities. jun had been there with you during past, painful, relationships - he had taken care of you during the disheartening treatment you received from your partners, as well as taking care of you after those partners had broken your heart. was it selfish of you to think that if this potential relationship ended in pain too, he wouldn't be there for you? was it even more selfish of you to lead him on like this? it was, but what were you supposed to do? you could stare at him for forever, watching him do the most mundane things were the most wonderful thing you had ever experienced. watching him do the dishes, was somehow better than going out with your friends to a club. the painful, yet obvious, truth was that you would do anything for him - and right now it felt as if you were on the edge of a tall building, and only he had the power to tell you to jump or back down. if you were to expose yourself to him, be vulnerable with him, you fear that he might just make you jump off.

one warm afternoon in late spring, jun suddenly turned to you as you were sitting on the floor of your kitchen. it was the only place with cold tiles, and with close accessibility to ice cream, so where else would you be? jun looked at you with a gaze that you couldn't quite place. "y/n," he said softly. "junhui,” you answered with a quiet giggle. "i love you,” he said. "i know,” you answered. "you love me." "yes." "then please let me be with you,” he looked down at the bowl in his hands, "i know you need someone. let me be that person. let me be what you need." you put your bowl down your bowl. never did you think that jun would plead for you, and if his words had held a different meaning you would've teased him for it. "you know it wouldn't work out,” you said. "i don't see it that way.” he looked back up at you with determination, "i see two people who love each other, who can't seem to step over the threshold to a relationship." "well, i don't know,” you sighed. "then, can i try to make you understand?" "how would you even do that?" "... five stages of love?" he chuckled. "... as in five stages of grief?" jun nodded, and suddenly you were very interested in what he had to say. "what's the first step?" "acceptance." "what does that even mean?", you laughed. "accept the fact that you're in love with me,” jun shrugged. "... i have.” you furrowed your eyebrows. "i've told you i love you." "yeah, and i've told you i love you,” he said, "and yet we're here, still nothing more than friends." "so the first step is to get into a relationship with you?" "the first step is to let me take you out on a date,” he explained.

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you looked yourself in the mirror one last time. you hadn't been on a date for some time now, mostly because you couldn't stop thinking about jun. this date made you more nervous than any other date you had ever been on. for hours you had gotten ready. first you took a shower, which led you to philosophizing about what this might lead to as the water ran across your skin - it took around twenty minutes. then there was your skincare and make up - should you wear make up at all if it was just jun? but it wasn't just jun, it was the guy you had been in love with for ages now. after that, there was your clothing. you put on dresses, pants, pretty shirts, but nothing seemed to fit your taste. you ended up in a skirt and a cute blouse, that were both comfortable and fitting for a date. was this enough? what if he didn't like it? so what if he didn't like it? he shouldn't be deciding what you wear! you loathed the fact that you actually cared this much about what he thought.

there was no more time for you to think, as there was a knock at the door. when you opened it you saw jun, holding something behind his back. he was wearing a disguise in the form of a cap, a hoodie, and sun glasses. "what are you doing?" a smile started appearing on your lips. "acceptance is here,” he said proudly and pulled out a red rose from behind his back. "jun..." you said and happily accepted the rose. "are you ready for a fantastic date?" he asked. "i guess i am."

jun walked slowly beside you, as if he wasn't completely stressed out. in his chest, his heart was beating faster than it ever had been before. he barely even had the power to tell you how pretty he thought you looked today. instead, the two of you only walked in silence. jun was taking you to a cute café, which you knew, but what you didn't know was that it was a cat café. as soon as you saw the sign outside of the tiny shop you gasped. "cats!?" you looked at jun with big eyes, "are you serious? are there cats in there?" jun hummed and you let out a small shout of happiness. when you walked into the cafe you were told that you can start by eating something in the café area, and then go play with the cats. you were so happy about the cats that you had completely forgotten about food. "what do you want?" jun asked. "a coffee would be nice... although it's very warm...", you sighed and looked at their menu, "an iced coffee, please." the woman behind the counter nodded and put it into her machine. "anything else?", she asked. "strawberry cake.", jun said, "and another iced coffee for me." you looked over at him as the cashier started preparing everything. "you remember i like strawberry cake?", you said with a small smile. "it's all you ever talk about when going to cafés, it's hard to miss it." jun smiled. "and these look amazing, so i don't think we should miss out on them." "they're huge,” you said as you looked at the pieces of cake by the counter. "that's why i only got us one."

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the booth in the corner of the small café is where you situated yourselves. jun sat next to you, your shoulders were almost touching. there was one strawberry on top of the slice of cake, and, with his spoon, jun carefully rolled it over to you without saying a thing. "why a cat café?" you asked as you took the strawberry in your mouth. "i thought the cats might seal the deal." jun smiled, and you chuckled at his response. "you have whipped cream on your cheek." "ugh... already?" you sighed and tried to find it with your fingers. "yep, it must've been on the strawberry... wait, not there." he let out a teasing laugh, "let me help." jun took his thumb and gently rubbed off the whipped cream from the corner of your mouth, bringing it to his lips and licking it off his thumb. you looked at him as you felt your ears grow red. to avoid his gaze, you quickly grabbed your coffee and started drinking. "so, did it work?" he asked. "what?" you looked back at him with big eyes. "the cats. did they seal the deal?" he said. "oh... the cats... well i haven't seen them yet, so i wouldn't know." you shrugged. "but i bet they'll steal your thunder." jun gently pushed your shoulder at your joke, before taking his spoon and took a piece of the cake. he looked happy, and at that you could do nothing but smile. if there was a purpose with this life, then maybe yours was to make jun happy. it gave you more fulfillment than anything else ever had. if that were the case, then shouldn't you just get together with him already? was there really a possibility for jun to hurt you? he was the type of person to listen to every detail you've said, and bring them up at later to make you smile when you thought it was impossible to be happy again. perhaps it's because of that, his genuine care of others around him, that would make it hurt more if he left. "y/n?" he brought you out of your daydreams. "are you doing alright?" "i'm just thinking..." you admitted with a weak smile. "oh no, don't do that,” jun said, "to reach the first step of love you have to just do it, don't overthink it." you chuckled and took another bite of the cake. in doing so, you bent your head slightly, making hair drape down in front of your eyes. jun brushed away the hair that had fallen in your face, and tucked it behind your ear. "maybe you're right.", you nodded, "i'll stop thinking for a while."

when you had finished the cake, you went to the cats - buying some snacks for them on the way there. there were so many cats, just walking around or relaxing in the sun. you immediately went for a tabby cat, trying to pet it - but it turned it's nose at you. you could hear jun laughing behind you. "you're doing it too fast,” he said and crouched down beside you. jun reached out his hand to the tabby cat, not to pet him but to hold it out near him. the cat seemed uninterested at first, but after waiting for some time the tabby turned it's head toward jun. "see, now i've caught his attention.", jun said as the cat sniffed his hand, "now he needs to get used to me." the cat started stroking himself against jun's hand, which led jun to start petting him. "and there you have him,” jun said with a proud smile as he scratched the cat behind his ear, "of course, you can always give the cat a treat and they'll trust you immediately - or at least for a while." you pulled the cat treats out of your bag. the plastic rustling got all of the cat's attention. soon you were approached by half of the cats in the café, all meowing at you to give them treats. "jun..." you said with a worried tone, "they're ganging up on me." jun already had his hands full, the tabby cat sitting in his lap now - fully asleep. "sorry, y/n, you're on your own." he chuckled and gently kept petting the cat. you sat down and started giving the treats to the cats, who were all very eager to get to know you all of the sudden. jun sat in front of you, adoring the way you tried your best to feed the cats equally. if this date was doing anything, it was making jun fall more in love with you.

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as you left the café, jun reached for your hand. just as you were about to pull it away, you gave in and actually took his hand in yours. jun smiled at you. "congrats, you've reached the first stage of love,” he said, "onto the next stage." "what would that be?" you asked. "happiness,” he said. "did you plan this out before?" you laughed. "you bet i did."

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the next time you met jun, it was in his dorm. he had told you to come over, but when you got there he was still in the shower. it ended up being chan who let you in, complaining about jun needing to plan better all the way to his room. you thanked chan, who looked slightly more pleased after, and then walked into jun's room to wait for him there - sitting down on his bed.

when jun walked into his room, he was only in a towel - surprising both you, and him. "oh my god!" jun exclaimed, "what are you doing here!?" "you asked me to come here!" you covered you eyes. "well, how did you get in?" he hurried over to his closet to put on some clothes. "chan let me in,” you explained, "you shouldn't have told me to come over if you weren't even properly dressed." "i thought i was fast in the shower,” he said as an excuse. "you're not." you scoffed. you could hear jun stop shuffling, he had finally put some clothes on. you felt two hands grabbing yours and slowly pulling them away from your face. when you opened your eyes, you were looking right into jun's. his brown eyes. his beautiful brown eyes. so dark in normal lighting, but completely golden in the sunlight that was shining in his face at the moment. jun's hair was hanging over his forehead, still wet from his shower. you got one of your hands out of jun's grip and pushed away the wet hair that was clinging to his face. he smiled at you, warm and endearing. his smile made you realize that you would go get him the sun if he asked you to, and for some reason you were sure that he would do the same for you. you smiled back at him, not being able to contain it. you wanted to kiss him. "jun, y/n is here- oh you found her, never mind." chan had barged into the room, and quickly left again with a big grin. jun stepped away from you, his hand still attached you your wrist, and was about to yell after chan. he stopped and instead looked back at you. you were still smiling, even wider now. "what are you so happy about?" he huffed. "i don't know." you shrugged. "you were just being so serious... it looked a bit cute." you weren't one to call jun cute so often, but whenever you did it always hit jun right in the gut. his ears turned red, and he let go of your wrist to turn away from you. "jun..." you chuckled and stood up beside him. he was taller than you, but you stood on your toes to try to look at his face. jun kept facing away from you, so you ended up putting your chin on his shoulder. you jokingly complained and whined in his ear to look at you, laughing while doing so. "why are you so shy?" you stifled another laugh. he gave you a side eye, and you suddenly sensed that you were in for it... but he gave it up quickly and looked away. you let go of him. "because i get nervous around you.", he admitted, "you make my heart beat quicker." he faced you, grabbed your hand again, and put it against his chest. his heart was beating fast, like he had said. "... but i feel so comfortable around you.", you looked him in the eye, "jun, you're my home. we've known each other for so long, you don't have to get so nervous." he removed your hand from his chest and pressed his lips into a thin line, trying to contain a smile. "it's not like i can do anything about it.", he said, "i think you'll always make my heartbeat quicken." you wrapped your arms around him to hug him tightly, suddenly very overwhelmed with feeling. "what was the second stage?" you suddenly asked. "happiness." "jun, you've already succeeded in that." you smiled. "you make me happy." jun didn't respond, only wrapping his arms back around you. you relaxed in his embrace. although you didn't feel like giving everything to jun, you felt like you could at least give him this. he was deserving of your happiness, and knowing that he was the one to cause it. "damn..." he muttered, "i had an entire thing planned for you today too..." you pulled away and looked at him, suddenly intrigued. "what thing?" "now i don't want to say, it's embarrassing." he looked away from your gaze. "but now i want to know, jun." you grabbed onto his arm and gently shook him. "noo..." he let out a small, embarrassed, laugh, "seriously, let's just watch a movie or something - it wasn't a big deal." "but no- junhui!" you whined as he started getting ready to put on a film. he never told you what he actually wanted to do that day.

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"what's the third stage?" you asked. you were laying on your bed, your phone was laying beside you with jun's dial up - it was on speaker so that you wouldn't have to bring the phone to your ear. "it's trust.", he said. "trust?", you scoffed, "i trust you. it's just gonna be happiness all over again." "alright, well... meet me up at my place in a few?" he asked. "as long as you won't be in the shower when i get there,” you said. "i won't be."

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jun was dressed in his disguise again, standing close to the outside of his dorm. you ran up to him and greeted him, and he quickly grabbed your hand and started walking. "what's up? are you okay?" you asked. "i think someone's been following me..." he whispered. "what? then what are we doing out, you should go back inside and call the company or something," you said. "no, no... i promised you we would go out," he said, "we just have to hurry a bit." he smiled at you, and even with the sunglasses, the hoodie, the cap, and everything, you still felt warm at the sight. you wanted to tell him to go back to his dorm, but the need to stay by his side was stronger.

jun took you to a theme park, and as soon as you could see the big ferris wheel you gasped. you turned to jun, who was laughing at your reaction, and then back to the theme park. "oh my god,” you exclaimed, "i haven't been to a theme park in ages! wait, how is this about trust?" "because i'm going to make you ride all of the scariest rides with me." he smiled. "pff- i can do that easily." you shrugged, "besides, it's not you that i would be putting my trust in." jun didn't answer, he only kept walking into the theme park. your arm was linked with his as he was leading you around. at first you were only looking, thinking about which ride you should go on first.

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after a day full of going on rides, screaming your heart out, and eating sugary food, you were tired to say the least. at the end of the day, you and jun were approaching the ferris wheel that you had spotted at the beginning of the day. his hand was snug in yours, and you hadn't let go of it for some time. it was the first time you had held his hand for this long. "do you want to go on the ferris wheel before we leave?" he asked, "the sun is going to be setting soon, maybe we can get a nice view." "that'd actually be nice." you nodded and followed him to the ferris wheel.

the air was getting chilly, and the sun was close to setting, as you got into the booth of the ferris wheel. it was an enclosed space, and you were seated in front of each other. your eyes were stuck on the beautiful pink sky, as jun was caught up in the view of you. "it's so pretty.", you said as the ferris wheel started moving. "it is," jun said, not taking his eyes off of you. you didn't see him, and you would never know of his admiration in that moment. it didn't make it any less real. jun put his hand on your knee, making you look at him. he wore that soft, warm smile that he had adorned the entire day - but now he also seemed nervous. "y/n?" he asked. "junhui,” you answered. "can i kiss you?" the four words made your face flush red, you felt as if your head was spinning. his eyes didn't look away from yours, and his hand was stable on your knee. you felt like you could crumble. it was just a kiss, but you hadn't even been able to admit to yourself that this had been a date. "... do you really want to do that?" you asked carefully. "otherwise i wouldn't be asking,” he said kindly. "what if someone sees?" you question. "then they'll see a couple kissing in a ferris wheel, it's not uncommon.", jun shrugged. "but we're not a couple..." you whispered, "and what if nothing happens after this? what if we're just stuck in this awkward phase forever?" "we won't be," he promised. "do you want to kiss me?" "i do." "then let go, y/n. you can trust me, okay?" there was hesitation within you, but you didn't want to give up this chance with him. you felt yourself leaning forward, as you watched jun do the same. jun's hand moved from your knee to your face, gently cupping your cheek. your knees were touching, gently bumping against each other as you tried to close the distance. behind you the sun was setting, spreading a holy glow across you. like two heavenly bodies, expressing the purest form of love for one another - without words, without even looking at one another, but by simply feeling and pouring your emotions into one another. when your lips touched his, you felt the butterflies, trapped in your ribcage, released in your stomach. his lips were soft, and he was gentle. it was the moment that you had dreamed of for a while. when your lips parted, your eyes stayed close for a second longer - relishing in the moment that you had just been in... until you heard jun let out a low chuckle. you opened your eyes, finding his adoring ones. "you're cute,” he whispers, leaning his foreheads against yours. "... i can't believe that just happened,” you let out a small, shy, laugh. he pecked your lips against, giving you a cheeky smile. you put your reddened face in your hands, trying to conceal your bright smile and your sudden urge to giggle and kick your legs in the air. "so, third stage completed?" he asked. "sure..." you nodded and looked back at him, "you've gained my trust, jun."

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for the next few days you didn't leave jun's side, and he didn't leave yours. you hadn't talked of a relationship, but you gladly accepted any of his romantic advances. right now you were in the small kitchen of your apartment, as jun was teaching you how to make a hot pot. he was standing behind you, arms wrapped around your waist and leaning his chin on your shoulder. "no, no, no, wait." he laughed. "if you do it like that you're gonna ruin it!" "says who!?" you laughed, throwing your head back on his chest. "it'll taste weird, okay?" he kissed your cheek quickly. you looked over at him with a pout and he gave you an innocent smile. he kissed your pout, making you smile as well. "i really like that i can kiss you now," he muttered. "i really like it too." you chuckled. "what was the fourth stage?" you turned your attention back to the hot pot, and jun let go of your waist, much to your dismay. he stood beside you, leaning on the counter. "love.", he said. "i've already told you that i love you." you looked at him with furrowed brows. "not as in the the word,” he said, "but the feeling." "how will you know if i feel something?" you questioned. "well, we're already past the stage of trust - so i was hoping you would tell me." he shrugged. you nodded and pursed your lips, thinking about it for a while. he was technically right, you should be able to trust him with those kinds of confessions. then again, there was still a part of you that felt embarrassed to say things of that sort. "... i'll tell you," you said, "but you have to promise not to tease me when i do." "i promise." he smiled lovingly.

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a few days later you got a text from jun asking you to meet him by a nearby park, which you used to walk through together a few years ago - back when he was a trainee and you had a retail job. you happily replied that you would meet him there, and got ready as quickly as you could. when you got to the park you were expecting jun to be dressed in his usual disguise, but he wasn't. jun was dressed nicely in a white button-up, light-washed jeans, and the jacket you gave him a couple years ago for his birthday. "you're still wearing that old jacket?", you approached him. "every time i get a chance." he smiled and leaned in to kiss you. you dodged him and went in for a hug instead. "what if someone sees us?" you whispered in his ear, "and you're not even wearing a disguise, that'll make it even worse." he pulled away from you and gave you the look of a love-struck puppy. "but i want to kiss you," he muttered, "and no one will see us here, nobody's ever in this area anyway." there weren't many people around, so he got that right. however, you couldn't help but to try to be a bit careful. "let's just... keep a distance, just in case,” you said. "alright fine, if that makes you comfortable i'll do it.", he agreed.

the two of you were walking for a while, for the most part just making small talk - but sometimes there were quiet moments where you just enjoyed each other's company. sometimes his fingers would gently graze against yours, to which you would respond by giving him a stern look.

before you knew it, jun had walked you to the bus stop where you used to get on the bus to get to work. he would sometimes walk there with you in the mornings, and sometime he would even wait there for you when you got back. at the sight of the old rusty bus stop, a smile started appearing on your lips. "the bus stop,” you whispered. "it's not in use anymore, but they kept the little booth anyway,” he said. the grass was growing wild around and inside the bus stop. nature had taken over what was once used by many people as shelter from wind or rain while waiting to take the bus. you walked inside the small booth. the small bench was still there, although the years had taken it's toll on it. "i can't believe it's been so long,” you muttered. jun stood beside you, admiring the graffiti on the inside of the bus stop. some wrote their names on it, others drew things. nobody cared to clean it up since it was never used anyway. "are you looking for something?" you asked. "just a thing i wrote..." he pointed high up on one of the walls, "there it is." y/n♡ you smiled, and started looking for one of your own scribbles. when you found it you quickly pointed at it for him to see. you were crouched down on the ground, pointing at the same wall - but further down. junhui (づ￣ ³￣)づ "that's a lot of effort.", jun commented. "well, i've always been the artist friend, haven't i?" you grinned. he shuffled closer to you. now you were just two crouched figures staring at some old writing. that was enough for you. that was all you wanted. "i used to think about you a lot back then,” you admitted, "which is embarrassing to say, considering the haircut you had." "hey! it was very stylish for the time!" he exclaimed as you snickered. a quiet pitter patter started echoing around you. it was raining. at first it was just a light shower, but dark clouds started floating in, which was followed by heavier rain. "shit," jun whispered. you sighed and turned to him. "we're going to have to run,” you said. "... we'll get drenched either way." he shrugged, "we could just wait." "it's not going away any time soon, look at those clouds." you pointed at the dark clouds. jun sighed, and started shrugging off his jacket. before you could say another word, he wrapped the jacked around you and made sure it covered your head. "what about you?", you asked. "i'll be fine... besides, i'm the one who dragged you out here in the first place,” he said. "it was nice of you..." you smiled and looked back to the scribbles. "i liked it." "good." his hands were still on the hems of the jacket, which he used to pull you closer to kiss you. this time you didn't stop him. you barely had time to react before he let go and grabbed your hand, only to start sprinting home.

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you were in your apartment, jun laying under you on the couch. the two of you had showered, and had gotten cozy in front of a nice movie. as you looked up at him, you felt it. it was so simple, for such a huge feeling. he was all you had ever wanted, and there was no reason for you to hide that emotion. "i love you,” you said, earnestly. he looked over at you with raised eyebrows, as if he was asking you what it meant. "i'm feeling it.” you grinned. "it's not just a word." he sat up, to look at you better. he wore the brightest smile yet. "thank you for telling me,” he said, "... i love you too." you leaned towards him and kissed him again. you had never felt more ready for something in your entire life... now there was just the fifth stage left, whatever that was.

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the next morning you woke up to hear jun cursing outside your bedroom door. he had slept over, and you expected him to be fast asleep next to you when you woke up. it didn't matter, you could always get up. you ignored your buzzing phone, and got out of bed to open the bedroom door. when you did, you met jun's paranoid eyes. he was on a call with someone. "yeah, yeah... i'm still here." he sighed. "no, listen seungcheol- i swear, i didn't think anyone else would be there. yes-... no, it's not on her, okay? i was being careless." your heart dropped. why was he on the phone with seungcheol? why was he so worried? what was he even talking about? "yes, i'll tell her..." he sighed. "y/n, don't go on social media-" he couldn't finish his sentence before you got to your phone and opened twitter. all over the app were pictures of jun and you. you clicked on one tweet, which had a linked an article. you didn't care to read the title of it, and only scrolled to the pictures. at first it was you in the cat café, then you outside the café holding hands. the next group of pictures were you at the theme park, you in line for the ferris wheel, you in the park... and you at the bus stop, kissing. you felt like fainting, and you quickly threw your phone on the bed. "junhui, i fucking told you!" you shouted as you turned back to him. he looked hurt, but you were too upset to see that. you were shouting at him, tears welling up in your eyes. jun couldn't even get a word in until you were sobbing, unable to say another word. "y/n..." he whispered out. "please leave, jun," you managed to let out. "we could figure this out-" "i told you to fucking leave!" you threw a pillow at him out of frustration. without a second word, jun took his things and left. you were left with an empty heart. all of your love, gone in a few minutes.

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you didn't leave your apartment for a few days, and called in sick for work. there was no way to avoid looking at the articles, speculating on who you were. nor could you ignore the many angry, as well as the few happy, fans. you liked the happy ones, although they made you feel bad about how you reacted to jun. you hadn't spoken to him since that morning. your friends had tried calling you, his friends had tried calling you - but you couldn't bring yourself to pick up. this was the last thing you wanted, and it happened before your relationship had even started. the worst part was that you didn't know how to fix it.

one afternoon, seungkwan called you - and for some reason you decided to answer it. "hello?" you said groggily. you were watching a movie on the couch, eating ice cream right out of the tub - feeling miserable. "oh thank god, you're not dead." seungkwan breathed out a breath he seemed to have been holding in while dialing your number. "i might as well be..." you muttered. "y/n... could you please just call jun." he sighed, "he's blaming himself and... he's just taking it very hard." "... i'm sorry seungkwan, but i can't bring myself to do that right now..." you sighed and put down your ice cream, "what i said to him was uncalled for... i just cannot face him, or anyone, right now." "but you guys were made for each other,” seungkwan pleaded, "you need him now, and he needs you. i don't think you'll get through this without each other." "gee, thanks... that's reassuring." you sighed. "fine, well... nobody's gone to your apartment, right?" he asked. "not yet." "great... i'm going to call the company, see if they can do something to get you more security. just to be safe, you know?" he said, "meanwhile... maybe you can call-" there was a knock at the door, and your heart dropped to your stomach for the second time this week. you asked seungkwan to be quiet as you approached your front door. looking through the peep hole, you saw a man standing outside with a camera. he said something, but you couldn't hear anything anymore. you walked over to the window, where tons of people were standing with more cameras. how could they have found you? "seungkwan..." your voice was shaky, "they found me."

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a few minutes after your call with seungkwan ended, a security guard came to your door. you were escorted away from your home, and taken to a hotel somewhere far from where you lived. it was a nice hotel, but you would kill to just be in your dirty, old, apartment again. at least the shouting, and clicking sounds from the cameras were gone. for most of your time there, you were laying in the big, fluffy, white bed. from time to time, you would go to the balcony - sometimes you had your breakfast there if the weather was nice. you didn't feel like doing much else.

for some reason, the only calls you accepted were from seungkwan. if you were your usual self, you might have philosophized about why that was - and you would've probably concluded that it was because he was there during a traumatic even for you. however, you weren't your usual self, so you opted to not think about it. "hello?" you answered your phone for the second time that day. "y/n?" it wasn't seungkwan, it was jun. you went quiet and looked at the caller ID again. it said seungkwan. maybe you were hearing wrong. "is that you, seungkwan?" you asked. "it's jun." he answered. you went quiet yet again, and wanted to hang up the phone but you couldn't seem to move. "i'm sorry, y/n." jun whispered, "for everything." "you..." you took a deep breath, "you have nothing to apologies for, it wasn't your fault... and i was being an ass to you for no reason." the two of you let out a brief chuckle. then there was silence. it felt nice to talk to jun again, like seungkwan just forcefully ripped off a bandaid off a wound that had healed long ago. "y/n?" "junhui." "i still love you." it wasn't what you thought you needed to hear, but as soon as he said it you felt a wave of relief hit you.... but all that could come out of your mouth was: "... that's nice." you heard jun laughing at the other end of the line. at least he didn't take that comment too hard. "y/n, you're like the strongest person i know - what are you so afraid of all of the sudden?", he asked, "you told me you loved me before we even got together, now you can't say it at all?" "well, a lot of things have changed." you sighed, "i'm living in a hotel and i can barely sleep. i don't know if i can love someone when i feel so vulnerable." "being in love is not a weakness." jun said, "love is what keeps us together, makes us stronger. when i ask you to love me, i'm not asking you to sell your soul to me... there's no ulterior motive to it. i just love you, and i want you to love me too." "... i do love you" you said quietly, "but it's difficult to express when it feels like if i do, we'll end up heartbroken." "i can't promise i won't break your heart. i don't know what will happen in the future." he sighed, "but i will promise that i would never hurt you knowingly, and even if things were to end badly - i would still be there with you. okay?" "okay." "now, can i tell you what i think of the future?" he asked. "go ahead.", you smiled. "i think that you and i will get together. maybe we'll even get married some day... and i think that we can be happy, living the way we really want to. because if we don't try i would never forgive myself, and i don't think you would either." he explained. you paused, taking in what he said. there was a time when you would've shied away from the thought of getting hurt... now you were actually considering just letting go. it was jun, after all. he would never go out of his way to hurt you. you could trust him, you did trust him. more importantly, you loved him and he loved you. he made you feel like home, and why would you give up on that and spend the rest of your life afraid and longing for what could've been? "i'll try.", you said.

there was a knock at your door. at first, you froze - but you managed to approach the door and peek through. as soon as you saw who it was you opened the door. on the other side stood jun, with seungkwan's phone still pressed to his ear. he smiled at you, and you engulfed him in a tight hug. "you're the worst." you muttered, "i thought it was more paparazzi." "well, i wanted to keep the element of surprise." he chuckled and tightly hugged you back. "was this the fifth stage? sweet talking until i come back?" you teased him. "the fifth stage was safety.", he said. "... i feel safe right here.", you nuzzled your face closer to his chest, "i'm glad you came to me... i think i would've gone insane after a while of only talking to seungkwan." "i'm just happy you decided to actually open the door, otherwise my plan wouldn't have been very satisfactory." he chuckled, "... i have to give back seungkwan's phone... do you want to go back to the dorms with me?" "what if someone sees us?" "then they'll see us, as they've seen us before. i don't care anymore" he gently put his hand on the top of your head, "and i wouldn't mind showing you off for a bit." you looked up at him with a big smile, and he took your hand in his. for once you didn't feel scared when walking away with him, not even nervous.

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