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raspberryconverse · 1 year

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IDK why, but for some reason I decided to read my old Blogger blog and just read the tagged posts about the boy I dated when I was 21.

Oof.

I do see why that one person was team [him], even when I started blogging again on LiveJournal 2 years ago. He'll always be the one who got away.

Don't get me wrong, I am so fucking happy with my spouse. I honestly don't know if he hadn't left for grad school that we would have fared better. I just got to the point where we actually broke up (even though we were trying to make it work long distance) basically because his family didn't like me. I mean, they didn't dislike me, but they most certainly didn't want their son to marry me. And considering parents usually love me (my in-laws do, for sure), it was such a blow.

He actually described it as we were a good dating couple, but not a good courting couple. We're obviously not talking fundie-level courtship, but southern religious vibes for sure. His dad was a Methodist pastor (I used to say he was a WASM - white Anglo-Saxon Methodist as opposed to a WASP, though I guess Methodism is technically Protestant, but hell if this atheist knows how any of that shit works) and they were from the Atlanta suburbs, so it was a very different world from my Midwestern divorced agnostic upbringing. I mean, his sister wrote him a multi page letter expressing her disdain for us taking a nap together when I visited him at his parents' house whereas my mom let us take her bed when we visited my family one weekend. We came from very different worlds, that's for sure.

I actually forgot what kick started our relationship. We had met a month or 2 prior while volunteering at The Neo-Futurists. Oddly enough, I kinda got to know him one night after some event when he, my college best friend, my soon-to-be ex and I ended up at a table together (I've been trying to find the context, but I honestly don't remember other than it was something Neo-Futurist related) Then, a fellow volunteer called me because his car broke down and he couldn't make his volunteer shift and asked if I'd be willing to cover. So we ran into each other again. It was his first time volunteering for Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind and afterwards, I made an offhand comment about being hungry and only having Easy Mac at home, so we went to IHOP.

A few weeks later was my 21st birthday. I had invited him to my birthday gathering, but he had to decline because he had to finish some stuff up at work. Then, he surprised me. After we left the bar, he suggested we get booze at the grocery store and drink at his place instead. My college best friend told me later that she was going to suggest going to another bar so she could basically pull a Stevie and leave so we could have a chance to connect.

Eventually, we need to go home, so he walked us to the el. Before I went though the turnstile, he hugged me goodbye.

And kissed me.

I think this is why I have to watch this part of "Grad Night" every night before I go to bed. It was my birthday and it wasn't supposed to end up this way. He wasn't supposed to be there. But then he was.

It will never not be magical. That moment of, "I'm feeling something here, so I'm just going to go for it."

It has literally been over a decade and a half (yes, I'm still being cryptic about exactly how old I am because this site makes me feel really fucking old sometimes) and I still get butterflies when I think of that night.

One thing that is kind of helpful when I get nostalgic is look at his Facebook and notice he did not age well. Shallow, I know, but aside from being so much heavier than I was then (it's actually pretty disgusting how disordered my eating/weight management was back then, especially when I would complain that I had gotten up to 140lbs and I'm at least 50lbs heavier than that now) and a few gray hairs (and I was dying my hair back then too so that's not really a thing), I look pretty much the same.

(obviously rounder face because I'm significantly heavier, but I don't think I've really aged that much)

And FWIW, I'm definitely happy with how my life turned out.

It's nothing like I thought it'd be, especially reading my old blog, but I don't think I'd have it any other way.

#is this what marriage is?#nostalgia #the one that got away #exes #moving on #college #schitt's creek #schitts creek #ep: grad night #tw weight

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babieyangyang10 · 4 years

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violent ends (chapter 11)

(chapter 11)

series masterlist

genre: hunger games!au

pairings: huang renjun x oc, na jaemin x oc

warnings: language, death, description of injuries, hallucinations, important character death,

previous | next

Athena's POV

It was quick the way he died. Before Haechan fell forward, his left eye cried tears of blood. There was nothing on his face, no acknowledgement or realisation of what just occurred. No evidence of any previous life in his face.

Just nothing.

People always say that your entire life flashes before your eyes once you die. However, there was not even enough time for that. No time to remember the eighteen years he once lived. He was just gone.

Mark Lee and I sprung forward. Once the corpse was thrown off him, Mark lifted up Jisung from the water. The young boy bent over and began coughing up the water in his lungs.

Once he finished, you could tell the reality of what just happened to him was sinking in. Frantically looking around, he saw Haechan laying face-down in the water, blood flowing out from his wound. Going pale, Jisung silently grabbed the body and flipped him over. He ripped his hand away and would've screamed if it wasn't for my hand covering his mouth.

Not used to injuries, Jisung was practically hyperventilating at the site of my throwing knife lodged in one of the body's lifeless eyes,

"Jisung, it's okay. Don't look at it." I brought my hand down and closed the remaining eye, thinking it would help. It didn't.

"Oh my god. What did you do?!" Jisung was about to throw up.

Mark looked around nervously, before saying, "She saved you. Quick, let's go." He grabbed the distressed boy's arm and pulled him to his feet.

After we had gotten a good distance away, I could hear the cannon go off.

"That could've been me." Jisung mumbled to himself in disbelief. He looked really bad. Almost as if he could go off the deep end any second. I mean, the kid has came to the brink of death twice in the span of only two days.

Trying to lighten his spirits, I suggest, "You're a lucky kid, aren't you?"

He considers my words before murmuring, "Yeah, I guess so."

Chenle's POV

I think I'm the unluckiest kid in the world, right now.

As the Careers and Jaemin start yapping away, I take this opportunity to look around the tree for something to help us escape. Alarmed, I look around where Jaemin is perched to see a raccoon sized nest. Swaying gently, I peek around to discreetly get a better look. Immediately, the bright gold body captures my eye.

No, these aren't just any wasps, they're tracker jackers.

Made in the Captiol's labs, they were placed directly in the districts during the war. Tracker Jackers were named according to their ability to 'track' down and hunt anyone who comes into contact with them. If they bite you, most likely you'll die. Even if you don't, most people will go mad from experiencing the hallucinations from the venom.

Our options are: we let Haechan come back and kill us or possibly die from these creatures. Reaching behind Jaemin, I discreetly began sawing away at the limb carrying the nest with my knife. Both Jaemin and the people below were too wrapped up in the conversation to notice what I was doing.

I kept sawing back and forth. Suddenly, a tracker jacker came calmly out of the nest. Holding my breath, I watch as it walks onto an unaware Jaemin's hand. Unable to warn him, I just speed up as quick as I can. More and more tracker jackers began leaving the nest to check out what was happening. Back, forth! Back, forth! Another jacker lands on Jaemin's shoulder.

Then there was a cannon.

The nest fell down right after. I could hear Jaemin yelp, however, I just pulled him out of the tree and bolt. I could hear the two Careers yelling above the buzzing from the army of angry wasps.

Once we've ran far from the chaos, I stopped to check on Jaemin. Right away, I noticed the plump-sized lumps on his neck and hand.

"I'm Jaemin," He slurs, "Nice to meet you, sir."

Oh my god.

Jaemin squints his eyes, trying to focus, "I have to admit. I've never met a three-headed, green person before. Are there others like you?"

It was almost dark, we have to get home, now. I grab him and began running again. Once we get to camp, I spot Mark, Athena, and Jisung all sitting down.

"Jaemin, got stung by tracker jackers!" I'm out of breath. Lee Athena immediately runs over to us, stopping in front of the disoriented boy.

"Athena, is that you?" His eyes are excited, but confused. The girl grabs his hand and quickly removes the stinger and does the same to his swollen neck. Green pus seems out from the now orange-sized bumps.

"I think-" His eyes roll over to the back of his head and Athena barely manages to catch him before he falls to the ground. Mark runs over and helps her carry him into the shack.

The next day, she took care of him. Every few hours, she would grind up a special leaf to put on the wounds.

She knew a lot about the wilderness. While Mark stayed to watch Jaemin, she would take Jisung and I out to practice hunting. It was nice learning, especially since I have always felt bad for relying on Mark so much. Not only does he have to take care of himself, but he also has to make sure two, weak kids don't die as well. After capturing a rabbit this morning, I felt happy knowing I got to help ease the pressure, even if it's just small.

"Good job, Chenle." He praised, making my heart swell. We were all sitting around the fire.

"I bet I'll get a even bigger one tomorrow." Jisung challenged, making us all chuckle.

Eventually, the conversation led to us talking about living in our different districts.

"Yeah, I swear all District 10 has is cows and desert. Although, I got to grow up with a lot of different animals, which was really fun." I explained.

"I wish I could see a desert, but we have that fence keeping us in District 11. Growing up, a lot of us had to climb trees in the orchards for fruit, which could be pretty fun. Although, it wasn't fun when you'd occasionally run into the tracker jackers." Jisung winced in remembrance.

"At least you guys have the orchards, District 12 is really small. When you turn eighteen, you work for the coal mines. Food is pretty hard to get also. To get grain and oil, I had to enter my name into the Reaping about forty times." We all gasped aloud at Mark.

"I have a question that I've always wanted to ask," Jisung announced, "I've seen District 12 do that think with the three fingers so many times. What does it actually mean?"

"It's been around forever, I guess. It's a sign of love and respect to show thankfulness for someone or something. Sometimes we use it to say goodbye. That's what everyone did to me, when I left after the Reaping." Mark explained to him.

Jisung kissed his three fingers and held them up in the air, "Well, I love and respect all of you."

All four of us, Mark, Jisung, Athena, and myself, giggled and did the salute to each-other before heading off to sleep.

Athena's POV

It's now been two days, since Jaemin has first been stung. The swelling has gone completely down, however, he still has a bit of a fever and hasn't woken up.

The most nerve wracking part is that, until he wakes up, I can't feed him anything. I can't even give him water to drink. It's not like real life, where he would have a feeding tube. Even we were alone, we barely got anything to eat. Gosh, it really is so easy to die of hunger in here.

Today, the boys wanted to show off their new hunting skills to Mark. So, it was just Jaemin and I at the camp. Apart from Haechan, none of the other Careers have shown up in the sky so far. So, I have no idea if Renjun is the same way as Jaemin. However, his health shouldn't be of my concern, anyway.

Since they are just two members now, Mark and I have been discussing an attack on them. After he snuck to their territory, he saw that they have pilled up all the supplies. Protecting them are random mines, which, if you stepped wrong, could easily blow you up to pieces.

Instead of risking stepping on a mine by trying to fight them directly, we thought we should find a way to blow up the pile of supplies. That way, they'll starve themselves out.

Suddenly, I notice Jaemin stir. His eyes are confused and wide. He looks around his surroundings, before he sees me next to him.

"Athena!" His voice is excited and relieved, yet weak. His hand shoots out to grab mine.

I sigh, "You've been out for two days, you know."

"Are you serious?" He looks around again, "Wait, where are we?"

"We're at Mark's camp. Chenle brought you back." I said, knowing he probably doesn't remember anything.

I hear a pleasant beeping noise, which makes me nearly burst with happiness. Near our feet, a box drops. Inside is a container of warm soup and a spoon.

Knowing he was still in bad shape, I grab the spoon and scooped up some soup to feed to him. Smiling, he accepted the food. His eyes shut in delight, finally getting to eat a real meal.

He happily suggests, “You should eat some."

I know he hasn’t eaten for two whole days. This makes me feel warm, knowing that, even though he’s literally starving, he would still offer me it.

"I think Jisung and Chenle would kill me if I didn't eat what they catch,” I laugh before getting serious, “Besides, you really need it right now."

He’s disappointed, but still continues eating.

Concerned, I ask, "So, are you doing okay? I mean those hallucinations can be really messed up."

"I mean, apart from the trees turning into blood and thinking ants were eating me, I'm fine. Especially, since your here now." Jaemin laughs.

I shake my head, smiling at the ground.

"I mean it, though. I felt so bad after I lost you. If I had known you stopped, I would've gone back for you, Athena,” He stops me, “You know that right?"

"Well, I did have your supplies." I point out.

He provides clarity, "Supplies or not, you're still a priority to me. That's just not even a question at this point."

I felt a deep pang in my chest. There’s so many things I want to say. On instinct, with both of my palms, I hold his face in my hands,"If there wasn't cameras on us right now, I would-"

Jaemin breathes out, "Who's stopping you?"

His eyes darted down to my lips, then back up to my eyes. I checked his face to see if there was any hint of joking, yet his eyes were filled with warmth. It occurred to me that he was feeling the same need and want that I was. Like if I were in a black hole, I felt myself being pulled closer and closer into him.

"Hey Athena, look what I caught—oh,uh?"

Jisung, stares in shock, at the close proximity between Jaemin and I's faces.

I jump up, brushing myself off, "Come on, kid. Let's go see it."

Jisung brought me outside to see Mark and Chenle by the fire.

“Jaemin is awake.” I announced to the two boys.

“That’s really good.” I could tell Chenle had felt guilty about him getting stung.

Mark proposed, “Well, today I was thinking that we should go destroy the supplies.”

Chenle eagerly asked, “Can I help?”

“Well, I guess you could help us by starting fires with me to lead them away from the Cornocopia.” Mark turned to Jisung, “Jisung, could you stay with Jaemin?”

“What’s going on?” Jaemin popped his head out of the shack.

“We’re going to destroy Jeno and Renjun’s supplies.” I caught him up.

His eyebrows are furrowed, “Are you going?”

“Of course.” I nod, plainly.

After we ate, I headed into the shack to get my backpack. On the ground, Jaemin was looking up at me unhappily, completely different from how he usually looks at me.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s just,” He sighs, “every time we’re separated, something bad always happens.”

“Well, you still need to rest, besides I’ll have Mark with me.” I lie. Mark will be separated from me, but I didn’t want to stress him out.

“You better come back. I’m serious.” He deadpans.

“Okay, Na Jaemin.”

I brush his hair out of his face. He’s not aware, but I can’t help but thinking the way he’s looking at me reminds me of a lost puppy, “I mean it.”

“I know.” I smile.

Then, Mark, Chenle, and I began heading towards the Cornocopia. As we’re walking, I notice Mark fiddling with something on his jacket.

“What’s that?” I ask, intrigued.

“It’s a mockingjay pin.” He states. The pin contained the small golden bird with an ring around it. It’s connected to the ring only by its wing tips.

Mockingjays were the result of a failed project by the Capitol to spy on the rebellious districts. Because of this, they have become a symbol for the rebellion. It’s almost as if they are rubbing it in the Capitol’s faces.

“I like it,” I beam up at him, “It suits you.”

“I think so too. It’s cool.” Chenle gushes.

Mark blushes before coming to a stop, “This is where we separate. Chenle, after I set the fire, wait a little before setting yours. That way they’ll think it’s real and definitely come to yours.

All alone, I hide beneath the trees as I come to a stop in front of the Cornocopia. Sitting to the right of the supplies, were a group of boys. Along with Jeno and Renjun, I spotted a boy from District 3. I’m assuming he’s Haechan’s replacement.

“Guy’s look!” Jeno points out. There, hidden in the tree’s, Mark has created a fire. The smoke created a cloud in the sky right above his position.

“Let’s go, Renjun. Guard the place, until we get back.” Jeno tells the young boy.

Once they’re gone, I grab into my backpack and pull out knife. Getting ready to throw, I rear back my hand.

However, from the left, a figure darts out from the woods. Avoiding the piles of buried mines, she is calculated and precise. From the pile, the red-head grabs an armful of supplies and runs past the District 3 boy.

As a result, he stood up and began chasing her into the woods. Perfect.

I scan the pile, looking for something I could knock down to trigger the mines. That way, I would be kept safe from the blast. At the very top is a bag of bright red and green apples.

Taking a deep breath, I throw a knife as hard as I can. It manages to make a rip in the bag, but not big enough for the fruit to fall through.

So, I grab another one. I calm myself down, before I launch my second one. Almost in slow motion, I watch as an single apple drops from the fresh hole. Rolling forward, it halts on top of one of the piles.

One after the other, all of the mines are triggered. Before I can react, I am thrown back by the incredible force. I can feel ash and debris raining down on my head. In my head and ears, I can hear a sharp buzzing. With my fingers, I could feel blood coming out of my left ear.

Running back from the woods, Renjun and Jeno meet the District 3 boy in the middle. I was able to see if Jeno had even said anything. Although, even over the buzzing, I could hear the crack of the boys neck after Jeno snapped it.

Alarmed, I run back into the woods to hide. Blinking, I could feel my sight and hearing slowly coming back.

“Help!” I hear a young voice. Wow, that was quick. The Careers already found another victim.

“Mark! Athena!”

Chenle!

I run, following the shouts. Not even caring if I was about to run face first into a planned trap. His shouts continue and I feel can feel the quick tempo of my heart.

When I force my way into a clearing, I spot the young boy entrapped in a net on the grown. He stops struggling and smiles in relief when he spots me in front of him.

However, it fades when the arrow lodges straight into his chest.

To my left, I look just in time to see Mark shoot an arrow into the neck of the other District 12 tribute. Using my knife, I quickly cut Chenle free from the net. Mark runs over, propping him up in his arms. Blood is seeping through his shirt. I look up at Mark, giving him a telling look.

“Is it bad?” He doesn’t have enough strength to look down. I don’t know what to say.

“I never imagined I would go like this.” His voice is shaky, but knowing.

The cannon for the District 12 girl goes off.

Chenle reaches for my hand, “Please, don’t leave me.”

With my free hand, I wipe some of his tears, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Did you blow up the supplies?” His voice is in a hopeful whisper.

“All of it.” He smiles at this.

Looking up at Mark and me, Chenle breathes out, “Thank you both. For protecting me. Even in these circumstances, these past days have been some of the best days of my life thanks to you.”

I feel my throat become choked up. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to get attached to these people, who are supposed to be my competition. But I did and I don’t regret any of it for a damn second.

There’s fear in his eyes, “You two, don’t forget me, okay?”

“Never.” Mark and I say.

Then he’s gone.

It takes a few minutes for it to sink in for the two of us. For us to realize this boy, who was speaking a few minutes ago and laughing with us yesterday, was gone forever. I look up to see Mark distraught with the same realisation, “It’s not fair. He was just a kid.”

“I can’t just leave him here. He deserves better than that.” I agree with Mark’s words. Looking around, I spot violet, blue, and white wildflowers. I began loading my arms up with the flowers. With Mark’s help, we placed the flowers all around him.

How dare they. It’s shameful that they would do this to an innocent child. Not just him, but all of us children.

Placing my arm on his shoulder, I try to comfort Mark. Like a switch going off, he bursts into tears. I know it has been hard, the weight of caring for three people. I wrap him in my arms and cry with him.

It’s only before we leave does he turn around suddenly. After kissing his three fingers, he held them out in his direction. Myself doing the same, we both say goodbye to our friend, Chenle.

#nct dream smut #nct dream imagines #nct smut #nct dream #nct au #nct #renjun #haechan #jaemin #jeno #mark lee #chenle #jisung

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