#i woukd say id take anti anxiety meds if only it would fucking help | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mejomonster · 2 years

Text

I need a really pretty shiny nice to touch pendant on a necklace I can play with in my fingers when I'm tense as all hell

By need I mean now. Right now. Because I already feel the stress of work tomorrow and the fact i do Not have a very smooth fun to touch calming pendant on Right Now and will Not have one on tomorrow terrifies me. I just wanna get thru tomorrow without breaking down I'm begging

#rant #i woukd say id take anti anxiety meds if only it would fucking help #but im already on amitryptline for gi pain #and im still feeling so tense i could rip my skin off in chunks #so im uh. im not gonna get any calmer #i am gonna eat as much as i can early in the day to keep blood sugar drop from Worsening my stress #but i already feel like i could bash my skull in so this is NOT NOT NOT a good state to start off in #moments like these i miss the disassociation i had in engineering #i just. didnt feel anything for 6 months. it sucked. but doing stressful stuff felt numb so.#but then i developed horrific crying choking panic attacks 5-20 times a #day. as i assumr. my body needed to feel things so it did that since i was too numb to feel outside of a panic attack #andcwell. that fucked up shit changed my life. panic attacks suck.#they suck extra in that im extremely suicidal during tjem. whereas all other times i very much wanna live a long happy life #and i uh. really really dont wanna panic and try to die tomorrow. i wanna be safe and alive and uninjured and make it thru tomorrow safely #i already feel it boiling tho #do u think maybe idk. a Gallon of chamomile tea could keep my stress down???#i need somrthing to dull my stress level so i dont panic my dudes. i dont wanna have a sucky time tomorrow #i already made a note to tell my boss he needs to help me fix things tomorrow #i may need to tell him i need a mental day off. but like. fucking motherfucker i have 11 reports due friday #and a company fucked all our shit up and i HAVE to fix it or whole companys finances are fucked. i feel #incredible urges to go unconcious #maybe i need to insist to boss i cant handle doing this again jesus let me not harm myself or die tomorrow

0 notes