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dc41896 · 3 years

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There You Are

Something I thought of inspired by the song “There You Are” by Zayn. Hope you guys like it☺️!

Pairing: Chris EvansxBlack Reader

⚠️: Bit of angst, drunk reader, fluff mixed in

Need you when I'm broken, when I'm fixed

Need you when I'm well, when I'm sick

Friends that I rely on don't come through

They run like the river, but not you

The erratic knocking at his hotel room door makes Chris turn on the bedside lamp as he sits up annoyed and confused. Picking up his phone, the time read 2:17 am making him mentally groan as the knocking continued.

“Hold on!,” he called out as he slipped on his sweatpants draped over the lounge chair in the corner and pulled his hooded jacket over his arms before lazily zipping it up. Coming closer to the door, he slightly pauses now hearing humming mixed with faint giggles only making him more confused and eyebrows knit together.

Although warped due to the view from peephole, he could see you clad in your satin like, short, black dress leaning against the door swaying to the song coming from your smiling lips. You ran into each other earlier at a wrap party neither of you knew the other would be attending, and briefly talked before going your separate ways for the night agreeing to try to meet later to catch up on lost time.

So why you were here at his hotel room, he had no idea.

“Y/N, what are you doing here?,” he asked once opening the door to see you visibly drunk, heels in your hand, as you continued to sing to yourself and dance as if he wasn’t there.

“I jus keep em satisfied on the weekend,” you giggled leaning forward until your head was nearly at your knees. If it wasn’t for Chris reaching out to hold you up by your waist, your body would’ve eventually touched the floor as well. Head tilted, you dreamily take in those familiar features that always made you weak. His soft beard covering that sharp jawline, barely noticeable freckles speckled near his adorable nose. And the cherry on top, his bright blue eyes shielded by those infuriating long lashes that you, and probably every woman in the world, were envious of.

“Hi,” you whisper being met with his small smile.

“Let’s get you inside.”

His arm moves to wrap around your waist holding on a bit tighter noticing your unsteady footsteps. Really they shouldn’t even count as footsteps since you barely moved your feet, instead letting them slide along the carpet as he took a couple steps back.

“You feel sick?,” he asked closing the door behind him with his foot before padding across the cool floor with your chests firmly pressed against each other’s. Shaking your head no as he carefully sits you on the edge of the disheveled bed, you instantly fall back laughing with your arms stretched out bringing them up and down trying to make snow angels.

“Comfy.”

“Glad you feel at home,” he chuckles to himself removing your phone from your purse. Luckily he knew your passcode would be your birthday from being friends for so long. “I’m gonna call your boyfriend to pick you up okay?”

“We broke up,” you sigh, stopping your arms movements.

“Oh...I-I’m sorry.”

“Yep. Last year.”

“Wait you broke up last year?,” he repeats stepping closer to the bed leaving your phone on the dresser next to your purse. “But earlier you said-,”

“I lie.”

“So,” he starts as he sits next to you. “You’re out here on your own and came here all by yourself?”

He couldn’t help but think of everything that could’ve gone wrong during your journey making him want to hold you close being glad that you were, for the most part, okay.

“Mhmm,” you nod looking up at him with innocent, doe like brown eyes as if you saw nothing wrong with what you did. Fingers raking through his messy hair, he quietly sighs sympathetically peering down at you.

“It’s good you made it here safely, but promise me you won’t do that again.”

Whispers in the background, behind closed doors

I got myself in a mess and without you I'm in more

Oh, I'm a little drunk now, that's why I went to war

Oh, yeah, you are my sober when I'm on the floor

“...I’m a terrible person,” you slur, back still pressed against the mattress.

“No you’re not. That’s just the shots talking,” he replies returning beside you with a bottle of water from the minibar. “Here, so you’ll start to feel better.”

“But I am,” you insist holding onto his arm as you sit up. “I hurt people.”

He couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped his lips and the amused look that spread across his face. You were one of the nicest people he’d ever met, so to hear you, or anyone for that matter, call you terrible, or anything bad, only made him want to laugh since clearly it had to be a joke.

“Who did you hurt then?”

“You.”

There was an awkward silence as his eyes slowly shifted from you to the plastic bottle in his hands. He wouldn’t say you hurt him those few years ago, but he was definitely left with unanswered questions. Your friendship seemed to slowly be turning into something more as texts became more frequent and calls became longer, lasting into the early hours of the morning. You even started visiting his place more after being prompted with his many invites, and persuaded by pictures of the beautiful scenery that surrounded him.

“Ugh so jealous😩! Rather be there than stuck with this meeting” you’d reply to his small video clip of the sun shining down on the terrain in front of him and Dodger during their hike.

“Come by after and we can go again😋”

“Hmm...maybe I will☺️. Don’t tempt me with a good time lol”

“😂 wasn’t trying to purposely tempt you, buttt not gonna lie and tell you not to take the bait😉”

One day though, the mood between the both of you shifted as he felt you become more distant. Chris thought that maybe it was something he’d said or done and tried to talk with you about it, but you kept avoiding it.

So much so, that you eventually left without a warning not telling him until he tried to come see you.

“Don’t worry about that, get some rest.”

“You’re so amazing, and kind, and-and beautiful! I was scared, and always I run,” you sniff hanging your head. “You d-deserved better, I’m terribully.”

Palms finding your cheeks, he gently tilts your head so you’ll meet his soft eyes while his thumbs wipe away the couple tears that just started to fall.

“Hey, you’re not terribully okay? Yea we have some things to talk about, but we can do that later. Your mind doesn’t need the stress right now.”

His calm voice and sweet words only make you feel worse as a few more tears fall to meet his hands.

“And you’re patient. There for me,” you add playing with the zipper on his jacket. “I mess up.” Noticing your slight shivers, he moves to his open suitcase getting one of his sweatshirts.

“Think you can put this on by yourself?,” he asks to which you nod yes. “Go ahead and change. I’ll be right outside the door if you need me.”

Only you know me the way you know me

Only you forgive me when I'm sorry

“Y/N? You okay?,” he asks a few moments after no longer hearing you shuffle and stumble about. Peeking in, he softly chuckles shaking his head at the sight of you sleeping across the bed in his sweatshirt. He gently lifts your head placing one of the many hotel pillows under it before pulling the comforter over your bare legs.

“I’m sorry,” you mumble sinking your face further into the side of the oversized hood pulled over your head.

“Shh, get some rest.”

Taking one final look at your still body to make sure you were okay, he moves towards the couch with head cycling through all those feelings he thought were buried deep enough he’d eventually forget. Who was he kidding though? Even after everything that happened between you two he knew those feelings would always be there.

And seeing you tonight practically glowing; looking every bit as angelic as he remembered only confirmed it.

———

Eyes slowly opening to the dimly lit room, your instincts to quickly sit up and take in your new, unfamiliar surroundings are halted by the pounding in your head. All those shots definitely weren’t as enjoyable now as they were going down.

You let your head roam to the best of your ability eventually falling on the navy blue hoodie keeping you warm, bringing back last nights events along with embarrassment and shame as you groan.

“Okay new rule, no more drinking when you’re out since apparently you get diarrhea of the mouth and spill all your emotions when no one asked.”

“So I guess that’s a no to bar hopping tonight then?,” you hear making you sit up with a wince and a few ow’s. Standing in his seemingly shmedium black tee over dark jeans and sneakers, his Boston ball cap shades his face but not enough that you can’t see his dazzling smile.

“H-hey.”

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good, besides my head feeling like I’m gonna have a brain blast in the worst way that is,” you answer making him chuckle as he moves closer to the bed.

“Yea I kinda figured, which is why I got breakfast for you.” Setting down the plastic bags in his hands, he pulls out takeout containers still steaming from the top causing you to mentally aw at his sweet gesture. “Hope you’re okay with waffles, eggs, and bacon. I wasn’t really sure what your go to was.”

“I’d honestly take anything right now,” you softly laugh carefully removing the lid to your waiting food. “Thanks Chris. Not just for the food, but for last night too.”

“Anytime.”

Even when I messed it up

There you are

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @honeychicanawrites @honeychicana @lady-olive-oil @themyscxiras @melinda-january @lovelymari4 @maxcullen @literaturefeen @damnitaa @curlyhairclub @plokyu23 @fullofmelaninsarcasmandepression @nunubug99 @felicity-x0 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @wildfirecracker @nina-sj @iammyownlover @chaneajoyyy @scoop93535 @secretmysteriousperson

If anybody wants to be tagged, have asked to be tagged but don’t see your name, only want to be tagged for certain people I write for (can be found in masterlist), or no longer wish to be tagged just let me know🤓!

#chrisxblackreader #chrisxwoc #chrisxreader #chris evans

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raptorginger · 5 years

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Snow Sparkles Like Stars: Chapter 4 - Sledding

I swear I post those teasers thinking it’ll be at least a day until I can post the chapter, but nope. Usually ends up meaning same day, lol

I had a hard time with this chapter. Life stuff. So, I hope it's okay. Fluffy winter chores and fun

chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3

Getting his car out of the ditch ended up being much easier than Kylo thought. Rey had told Kylo the basic commands for her dogs, so he was able to tell Thor and Sif what to do without them running off. As Rey worked on unburying her driveway in her nearly tractor sized snow blower, Thor and Sif plowed a small trail towards the car for Kylo to follow. Kylo quickly got his suitcase and leather messenger bag out of the trunk and followed the dogs back into the house. He changed into a fresh set of clothes, making sure to throw on his thickest socks and the heaviest sweater he’d brought. He went back outside, through the garage this time, and grabbed a shovel from a peg hanging on the wall. He paused to look at the dog sled. It was a handsome piece of woodwork, a six foot toboggan style sled made of white ash with rubber grips on the runners. There was a small seat for a passenger, and a mess of nylon cords and metal clips and hooks sat in the basket. Kylo hurried out to work on digging the car out while Rey finished the driveway.

No road crews had been by, and the road remained buried and invisible beneath the deep snow. Kylo still had no idea how he’d gotten this far off the highway. Rey’s home appeared relatively isolated. Kylo could see evidence of civilization way off in the distance, but otherwise it was mostly trees and open fields. He paused to admire the beauty of it. The huge swaths of undisturbed white, the grey-green of the tall pines, the loud rumble of the snow blower as it threw huge plumes of fluffy white were so different from the winter sights he was used to in Boston. Rey’s house too was something very different. It was indeed an A-frame design, almost a perfect isosceles triangle. Like the interior, the parts of the front exterior Kylo could see were a warm wood. The roof was covered with a generous heap of snow, broken only by the proud fieldstone chimney. Two ravens could be seen perched on the edge of the dark stone.

Kylo was studying the ravens intently and hadn’t realized Rey had finished until he felt her mittened hand on his shoulder.

“Kylo? You okay?” Rey asked concerned, her voice muffled by her thick scarf.

“Yeah,” he replied distractedly. He gave himself a shake. “Yeah. Just wondering if those were the same birds as this morning.”

Rey looked up at the chimney just as the two birds took off for parts unknown. “Hmm, I guess I never really thought about it. Now that you mention it, I wonder if you’re right. Two ravens always seem to visit every few days. Odin likes watching them, and they don’t really make a mess or anything, so I never thought about it too much. It could be the same pair.”

Kylo watched the birds get smaller and smaller against the bright sky. “Huginn and Muninn,” he murmured quietly.

“What?”

“Those are the names of Odin’s ravens in Norse mythology. They fly over all of Midgard and bring Odin news.”

Rey turned her eyes skyward and watched the ravens with Kylo. Soon enough, they were gone from sight, and the pair headed towards the garage.

“Help me push the sled out and next to the garage. Then we’ll hook your car up to the hitch of my truck and pull it out,” Rey commanded.

Kylo could see why she was a good dog trainer. Her voice was firm, but gentle and kind. He had a hard time imagining anyone saying no to it. He helped her push and maneuver the sled before heading to his car to wait for Rey. It took maybe twenty minutes, but with the car in neutral and Kylo pushing, they managed to get it out of the ditch and in the garage, safe and sound.

“I need to change into my mushing gear and hook the dogs up, then we can head out,” Rey said excitedly as she made her way back into the house. Kylo followed her, wanting to warm up a bit. Before she went off to change, Rey rummaged around in a bin and handed him a fleece hat, thick waterproof gloves, a scarf, and a pair of goggles.

“Sorry I don’t have a coat you can borrow,” Rey said apologetically.

“What’s wrong with this one?” Kylo asked, gesturing to his long black wool coat.

Rey smiled in an almost pitying way. “You’re going to be very cold by the time we get back,” Rey predicted. She sauntered away.

Not if you warm me up. He smirked devilishly at his own quip as he watched her go.

He waited in relative silence for a few minutes, enjoying the warmth of the laundry room and the hum of the heater. He was just starting to nod off when the sound of thirty-two paws hitting the hardwood floor erupted around him. Cold noses and furry bodies crashed into him within seconds, and Kylo found it hard to stay on his feet.

“Sit! Sit! Sit!” Rey shouted.

If Kylo had been drinking something, he might have done a spit take. Logically, he knew why she was wearing what she was. Winter outerwear tended to be bulky, made even more so if one wore normal clothes underneath, and bulk was typically not helpful in circumstances when one needed to be agile. However, the logical side of his mind was currently being shorted out at the sight of Rey clad in what looked like a scuba suit, but for winter. The thermal black leggings and top she was wearing clung to her slim form, her gentle curves on full display. She’d pulled her hair back into a high ponytail, and that combined with the high collar of her top accentuated the length and curve of her neck. Kylo bit down on his tongue, fighting the urge to bite down on something else.

Rey tugged on a pair of slim fitted snow pants, the style reminiscent of the kind snowboarders wore. Her boots went on next, then her coat. She slipped a headband over her ears and placed a pair of goggles around her neck. She shoved a pair of gloves into her pocket and turned to Kylo.

“Ready?” she asked, her face lit with excitement.

Kylo nodded, breathless. Rey threw open the door and the dogs raced out, bounding towards the sled and circling excitedly.

“Line out!” Rey called in her commanding voice. The dogs stilled and obeyed immediately, each one taking position. Odin was in front, Frigga and Thor directly behind. Mjolnir and Sif were directly in front of the sled with Loki and Freya in the middle. Heimdall sat patiently beside the sled basket. Kylo approached slowly, already in awe. Rey closed the door shut with a snap, a heavy looking Hudson Bay blanket in her arms, which she handed to Kylo.

“That’s for you,” she said with a smile.

“Heimdall doesn’t run?”

“He does sometimes, but not usually. Today he’s going to keep you company,” Rey replied as she worked to get the rigging set up.

“Do you need help?” Kylo offered.

Rey laughed, not unkindly. “Thank you, but no. Honestly it’ll be faster and safer if I do this myself. No offense.”

“None taken. Just thought I’d ask. That way I won’t feel guilty about not helping,” he teased.

Rey laughed brightly, making Kylo’s insides feel warm.

She had the dogs hooked up in a matter of minutes, and she went around to each one, tugging their harness and checking that their tug lines were secured to the tow line, explaining everything patiently to Kylo as she went along. He learned that Odin was the lead dog, Thor and Frigga were the swing dogs, Mjolnir (MewMew as Rey called him) and Sif were the wheel dogs, and Loki and Freya were team dogs. If Heimdall was acting as a team dog, Thor and Odin were leads. Rey tapped Heimdall twice between his shoulder blades, and he hopped deftly into the basket.

“You sit in the seat,” Rey said as she took her position on the runners.

Kylo climbed into the sled gingerly and sat as she had commanded, draping the heavy blanket over his lap. Heimdall sat down on Kylo’s feet, staring straight ahead. Kylo wondered if Heimdall had a kind of sight. He held onto the sides of the seat as Rey grasped the bar behind him, her hold wide. He felt her shift her weight from foot to foot, testing her balance. She took a deep breath and whispered, “Goggles.”

Kylo pulled down his goggles, looking back at Rey. Her expression was focused, and she took another deep breath.

“Mush!” she cried.

Kylo let out an involuntary yelp as he felt the sled take off. Rey laughed behind him and patted his shoulder reassuringly. He could still hear the jangle of the rigging over the wind in his ears, and his nose was filled with the scents of snow and winter. He watched in amazement as the seven dogs worked in unison, and it was clear there was an almost telepathic bond between them and Rey. It was exhilarating. Every so often, Rey would cry out “Gee!” or “Haw!” and the dogs would go right or left. She and the dogs seemed to know exactly where they were going, and she didn’t have to shout too much. They travelled for Kylo had no idea how long, mostly following the road, but not on it as it was in a sorry state. Eventually a pale yellow farmhouse came into view, surrounded by neat rows of different kinds of pine trees. Some were little saplings, some were large behemoths. Most were of a middling size for patrons to cut themselves. A nice selection was leaned up against a bit of fencing already cut and waiting. Several handmade wreaths were hung out as well. A small shack was set up near the tree baler where customers could pay and get a cup of cocoa if they wanted. Kylo could make out a couple of figures waving at them as Rey came up the drive to the shack.

“Whoa!” she called to the dogs as she applied increasing pressure to the break bar. They slowed to a complete halt, their tongues lolling out happily. Kylo didn’t realize dogs could smile.

“Hiya, Rey!” a cheerful male voice called.

“Hi, Finn! Hi, Rose!” Rey replied as she staked the sled. Strands of her hair had come loose during the ride, and her cheeks had been bitten bright red by the cold. All the dogs sat, ready and waiting. A young man and woman approached as Rey greeted them.

“Oooo can I give the dogs some bones?” the young woman asked. She was dressed snuggly, the ends of her dark hair flipping out of the bottom of her hat.

“Sure, Rose” Rey said. Rose ran quickly to the shed and dug around for something, emerging with a box of dog bones. She handed one to each dog, giving them all a pat on the head as she did so.

“Here to get your tree?” Finn asked, reaching for a handsaw.

“Yup!”

“Care to introduce us?” Rose asked teasingly as she stared up at Kylo. He smiled politely nodding to the both of them.

“Oh sure! This is Kylo. He got stranded at my house in the storm. He’s a professor at Harvard.”

Rose approached Rey and whispered something to her. Whatever it was made Rey blush an even deeper red and cough exaggeratedly. She nudged Rose with her elbow. Kylo saw Finn roll his eyes lovingly at the pair as he looked at Kylo.

“You guys gonna cut your own, or you want one of the ones we’ve already got here?” Finn asked Kylo.

“Umm, Rey?”

Rey was crouching with her dogs, petting each one gently and whispering quietly. She hadn’t heard him or Finn. Kylo felt a smile touch his lips as he watched her.

Finn stepped up next to Kylo. “Amazing, isn’t it? It never ceases to amaze me, watching Rey with her pack.”

“How long have you known her?”

“Since she moved here a few years back. Rose n’ me had just set up shop and ran into her in town. She’s...really something special.”

Kylo hummed in acknowledgment and agreement.

Finn eyed Kylo surreptitiously up and down. “You know, Rey’s favorite part about Christmas trees is the decorating. I’ve got a nice Douglas Fir already cut. Some guy wanted it, then never showed. She’ll probably have you hold it on the way back. After I bale it, I can wrap it in some canvas to make it easier for you.”

“Uhh, thanks. That’d be great. That okay with you, Rey?”

Rey looked up at him from her position in the snow next to Heimdall. “Huh?”

“Finn’s gonna get us a tree to go,” Kylo joked. Man, that was weak.

Rey laughed good naturedly anyway. “Sounds good. I want to get going again before the dogs settle in too much, anyway.”

Finn and Rose were already at the baler, setting the tree on the belt. There was a loud roar, and before Kylo knew it, the poofy tree looked like a closed umbrella wrapped in plastic twine. Finn tugged out a bit of brown canvas from the shack and wrapped the tree up, tying the giant tree umbrella with twine. Heaving the parcel against his shoulder, he slogged to the sled and waited for Kylo, Rey, and the dogs to get ready. Kylo reached into his pocket and pulled out a few tens and a twenty and handed them to Rose.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?!” Rey protested as Rose took the folded cash.

Kylo gave Rey a stern look. It was one he sometimes used on his students to prevent further argument. To his satisfaction, Rey’s cheeks grew a brighter shade of red, again, and her expression changed from one of protest to one of demure obeisance. Oh. Fuck, that’s hot. Not now, goddammit!

“Think of it as my way of saying thank you for helping me out,” Kylo said softly.

Rey bit her lower lip and nodded. She returned to the dogs, making sure everyone was hitched up properly.

Neither of them saw Finn and Rose waggle their eyebrows at each other as they hid their smirks behind their thick gloves.

#reylo #reylo fanfiction #fanfiction #my fic #rey #ben solo/kylo ren #rey x kylo ren #modern au #reylo au #winter #snowbound #reylo christmas

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sightful-tangents · 6 years

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december 28, 2017

I turned 24 this year. I think this blog is now 5 years old, because I still remember writing a bio along the lines of "the girl who writes this blog is 19 years old". When I was 19, I couldn't picture myself at 21. I couldn't picture myself at 22 or 23 and now I'm 24. I never saw a future for myself back then, and it excites me that this year, I had mapped out a 5 year plan. Albeit, this plan is literally just "get a cat."

24 isn't a big or important number for me. If anything, I'm looking forward to 30. But it just feels like a nice, round number. I want to feel as if I'm stepping into myself more and more as I go through my twenties.

A lot has happened this year. When December first rolled around, I was worried that my year wasn't good enough. I'll circle back to personal growth, but in terms of 'events', I think a lot of things happened.

Places traveled: Boston, Barcelona, Bogota, Amsterdam, Brussels, Geneva, Vancouver Island, Tobermory.

I met two book blogger friends who were absolutely delightful and I loved chatting with them. I think it's because they have access to my Twitter and in a weird way, Twitter is where I can be more... authentic. Facebook really is for just keeping in touch with friends, Instagram is a curated photo album, this Tumblr is usually more private and personal thoughts, but Twitter is where I write things that I find funny (I get it, I'm self-absorbed) and generally scream about media, books, feminism, current events, and complain about IRL people who don't know about my feed. And my book blogger friends have full access to this extra-authentic self, which is why I think I felt immediately comfortable when I met them. And they're just funny and so great to talk to.

I watched good movies and read good books and listened to many good podcasts. I read a lot of news, and I felt a lot of feelings. This is the year that I felt more. The year that I got choked up more times than I can count while scrolling my way through the internet. More often than not, something Hillary-related can quickly conjure up something in the back of my throat. I still can't watch the Kate McKinnon SNL post-election piano performance without almost tearing up. I cried from happiness for my friends when I heard they were engaged. I cried from relief when (and this feels like ages ago) the muslim travel ban was overturned. I cried when I read books and articles. I cried to movies. I cried to videos.

When I was younger, I tried so hard never to cry, to not react, to not feel. And I think one of the biggest changes these past few years has been giving myself permission to feel. To dig deeper into my emotions rather than trying to stamp them down and move past them. I love feeling. I love it when something makes me want to cry. It reminds me that I'm alive.

The biggest change, of course, was that I left a job and started a new one and moved across the country. I negotiated my salary. I still sometimes can't believe everything unfolded the way it did.

I am NOT equating my experience AT ALL to any of the absolutely horrific harassment allegations that unfolded in recent months, but in a way, I felt like I could have a deeper understanding of how women's careers can be affected by powerful figures. When shit was going with my boss, when he was pissed off and saying things like "I can sue you but I won't", it made me want to get away from him just so this becomes a bridge that I won't even be near. I had two job offers, one in BC, one in Toronto, and I won't lie when I say that the fact that BC would be far away from my boss wasn't a factor in my decision making. I wanted to get out of the entire industry, and I understand that what transpired WAS NOT EVEN THAT BAD. I'm very conflict-adverse, but when an even that is kind of minor (I can't even tell if I'm gaslighting myself these days) makes me want to leave the industry I've worked in for 2 years, I can't even imagine how a more serious transgression can affect a young person just starting out in her career. It makes me angry and sad. Boy, does that sum up 2017.

Anyways, so I'm back in BC. And I'm getting more and more settled in and making friends (bless my amazing roommates, I am so grateful they are awesome) and as I become more comfortable, I'm also a bit nervous because I do want to eventually return to Toronto. In my head, the timeline is sometime in late 2018 or 2019. But I know as I start to build my life here, it'll only make it harder to leave.

Oh, and I had such a lovely Christmas. I got really nice gifts from my mum, and she was telling me about how happy she is, and my heart just swelled. I'm not a great daughter. I know I can be better, and I know how I can be better, but I don't do it. But, it still makes me happy that my mum feels so happy this holiday season.

And now, back to personal growth. I kind of wish I experienced more personal growth this year. Or maybe, it was just that last year was so drastic in terms of what was changing that this year has mellowed out. I mean, things like dating felt too easy and familiar and not risky. I didn’t take on any drastic 30 day challenges, nor did I unearth particularly prickly revelations about myself. I didn’t really strive toward self improvement in a conscious way that I feel like I had in 2016, and especially for the last few months (after moving), I allowed myself to be much more of a passive consumer. Under the guise of “getting settled into a new job”, I wasn’t really chasing knowledge. I was watching pointless hours of Youtube when I got off work (at a stunning 4pm, like omg), which is legitimately a waste of time and I really don’t like that about myself. It just feels like I’ve given myself a pass to be lazy with this job change, when I wish I could be more invigorated and actually do more things with all my free time. Anyways, being more productive will definitely be a goal next year.

I know this is like an extensive preamble, but anyways, I did want to write a bit about my 2017 New Year's Resolutions. I don't stress myself out about meeting all of them, but if I can hit around 50% I'm happy. Let’s go:

FINANCIAL:

1. Hit a savings goal for money.

2. 4 times a month, don’t spend money.

I would say I only missed 2 or 3 months for this goal.

3. Organize my receipts system.

Solution: take a picture of all my receipts and email them to a dedicated email account.

4. Get rid of ‘invoice guilt’.

It helps if I’m annoyed so I can channel a “give me my money” feeling…

5. Budget at the beginning of the month.

I didn’t really budget my next month, but I paid all my bills… does that count?

6. Make 5K from side hustles.

Yay, did this.. mix of extra work and gifts. Yes, I count gifts as a side hustle. Hush.

RELATIONSHIPS

7. Continue to call/talk to my mum at least once a week.

I can now see my mum once a week (if I wanted to… I think she secretly hopes I don’t make any friends so I can continue visiting her on my weekends…)

8. Continue dating people and figuring out what I want/need within a relationship context.

Kind of, I think. I have an idea. But I dunno…

9. Don’t be so wary of commitment.

Hmmm. This is weird. In a way, I feel like I’m more ready to commit, but none of the people I dated this year were people I wanted to commit to. I’m gonna cross this off anyways though, since it’s a mindset, right?!

10. Make 3 new friends.

I did this! I have 3 new roommates! They are all my friends! Plus I made even more friends than that. Big smiles, all around.

11. Be more open with current close friends.

I think I’ve done this. In any sense, I’m much more honest and happy to talk about anything and everything.

12. Look people in the eye during conversations.

I made a conscious effort to do this. I should carry over this goal to next year too.

13. Become a better storyteller in conversations.

There is still so much room for improvement, but I think this is something that I’ve gotten better at. And I know this sounds so so lame, but I’ll sometimes think ahead of time of how to structure something I want to share, so it makes more sense to the listener and is more entertaining to listen to.

14. Compliment people more.

I kind of want to cross this off, but I don’t think I *seriously* achieved this.

PERSONAL (TANGIBLE)

15. Read 35 books (of which 30% will be non-fiction, 1 will be a finance book, and over 50% should be adult).

I think I only read 20. Sigh. Same goal next year.

16. “Fucking Exercise”

Oh…lol… next year.

17. Find something to work toward, whether this is a hobby or a new job or something else. Try and be motivated.

I have a new job? Does that count? I don’t know if I’m more motivated though. Hmm.

18. Buy a plant. Keep it alive.

I did! I bought 3 succulents. I threw them away when I moved because I realized that I am Bad. At. Plants. In all honestly, it just freaks me out that they grow so quickly.

19. Publish or write 3 freelance articles.

20. Read the news (NYT, Atlantic, WaPo). Read widely, critically, and thoroughly. Stay informed and engaged in what’s going on in the world (which includes Canada!).

Yes. Kind of. This last month was tough though, as the GOP Tax Scam was going through, it just became so hard to not completely disengage. Hell, I’m not even American. I really considered (still consider?) just stop caring. I know I shouldn’t though. (Oh, and I still don’t know what’s going on in Canada.)

21. Take more photos (even phone photos count. Also, get a new phone).

Same goal next year.

22. Watch all the Oscar Best Picture nominees.

Unfortunately not.

23. Go to the doctor!!

I got a Pap test and it was fine. Ladies, go do this.

24. Travel goals for 2017: San Francisco, Eastern Canada, and the far-fetched one: South America. I’d like to take at least 2 weeks off (straight) to travel.

I went to Europe and South America for work!! And Boston! I have 20 vacation days next year and I plan to make them count.

PERSONAL (INTANGIBLE)

25. Don’t compare yourself to others.

Yes. I’m glad.

26. Strive to be better, not better than others.

I think so. As said in my preamble, I don’t think I reached this to the degree that I wanted in terms of self-improvement, but I do think I tried to be better.

27. Try harder to be Warm.

I think so. Again, not as much as I wanted to, but I am deliberately and intentionally more generous and loving with my friends.

28. Be more assertive.

I negotiated my salary. I ran business meetings, managed coworkers, and asked for things.

29. Not have the same problems as you had in 2016

I’m gonna say yes. I had VERY DIFFERENT PROBLEMS LOL.

30. Know price, value, and the difference between them.

I took a lower paying job because I wanted the work life balance. Just saying.

31. And a repeat from the previous years: Be better than I currently am.

I think so. Always room for improvement.

32. And because it worked out well last year: Take risks. Of all sorts. Because, why not.

Hello from my desk in Vancouver. Because, why not.

Final Tally: 24 for 32 HELL YEAH (half point for #2 and #24)

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