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rough-n-randy-rando · 5 years

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Edd and Flow, The First Night Of Summer

The air smelled of summer. Earth and ozone were heavy in the humid air, intermittent storms making their way to torment the mountains to the west. Dogs yipped at fireflies as they rose from the tall grass near the swollen creek and fluttered about like wild embers in the creeping dusk. In the cul-de-sac, dinners were being eaten, chores were being done, plans were being made. This was the last summer of childhood, the gateway to Senior Year, to college tours and military recruiters roaming the halls, to future success or the pit of immediate mediocrity.

Kevin Barr worried that he was at the edge of the pit rather than on any path to a different, rosier outcome. He had cruised through high school on the bare minimum, lettering in any sport that involved a ball and some measure of physical violence. But Peach Creek isn't scouted like Boston or D.C. or Rhode Island, and so while the bare minimum was enough to allow his athletic career to go uninterrupted, his prospects were slim. His father's voice was stuck in his head saying, 'There's always the Army.' He shrugged it off, shuddering at the prospect of getting yelled at for a living by legions of men who reminded him of his father, minus the warmth and intelligence to cushion their authority and judgement.

This was the year to pull out the stops, make every Hail Mary he could think of, even if it were Lemon Brook Junior College. Last resort. 'There's always the Army.' Last of last resorts. But that was for another day, another time. Tonight, here and now, there was a party to attend, and worries to drown.

The party started to take shape around 7. Nate's family was in California on business and wouldn't be back till the day before graduation, so he naturally became the host and organizer. The first to arrive and help set up the well-loved speaker system was Johnny, with Plank's help of course. Then came Nazz with Kevin, Rolf following with a wagon full of various types of meats in plastic and metal containers. The Kankers arrived together bearing peace offerings of several cases of beer obtained through dubious means. Nate sanctioned the deal and declared his house neutral ground.

As a dozen or so other kids from Peach Creek High arrived and took advantage of Nate's luxurious home, the question arose, 'Where are the Eds?'

"Well I mean, I invited them." Nate said offhandedly as he thumbed through the playlist on his phone, settling on an EDM song who's only lyrics were, 'feed me your love'.

Kevin groaned and grabbed a beer from the rapidly draining supply in the fridge. "Eddy's gonna say something to someone and it'll all go South."

Nazz pinched his arm and stole the beer from his hand, topping off her solo cup before handing it back, "You're just worried he'll say something to YOU and YOU'LL make a big scene."

"I thought you were all buddy-buddy with the short one now, ever since that whole cross-country chase y'all went on in Junior High?" Nate also snatched Kevin's beer and took a sip.

"Eddy's Eddy, he's always out for another scam, something to make him money or make him look good."

"Well good, because I can only play my Spoofy playlist for so long before people get bored." Nate handed back the nearly empty beer to Kevin and turned to walk out to the pool. "We need a little excitement and scandal every now and again."

Kevin huffed and turned to Nazz, "He just doesn't know the Eds like we do."

Nazz shook her head and sipped at her drink, "Maybe just Ed or Double-Dee will show up, Eddy's supposed to be moving to The City right after graduation so for all we know he's apartment shopping right now."

"Yeah, maybe just Double-Dork…"

The lights in the house all cut out abruptly. People yelped and cursed, phone screens and flashlights piercing the darkness. The speaker system shrieked, causing even more chaos.

"The Germans!" someone cried out, causing nervous laughter and breaking a bit of the tension.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, and of course Kevin…"

"I knew it, Shorty had to make an entrance!" Kevin saw a pulsing neon glow approaching the rear fence near the pool and tried to make his way out of the house, tripping on Plank en route.

"I, Eddy Reese, your facilitator, your entertainer, your guy in the know, present for you an entertainment extravaganza unlike any you've ever seen!"

A stage adorned with stadium-quality lights that pulsed and flashed along to a heavy, percussive beat with what can only be described as a crystalline hissing sound rose over Nate's rear fence. It was emerging from the lane, slowly and deliberately, billowing thick grey smoke that flowed into the yard and even spilled onto the surface of the pool, obscuring a couple that was involved in some heavy petting. It was about 8 feet tall, 10 feet wide, and 6 feet deep, with a drawn, pitch-black curtain swaying slightly as the entire traveled through the air on barely visible supports.

"Whatever this is, I'm sold." Nate had stripped down to just his boxer briefs and had managed to adorn himself with glow bracelets and necklaces, as well as what looked like a military-grade chemlight that was clenched in his teeth.

"I knew the dorks would pull something!" Kevin had emerged from the house, Plank in one hand, a pocket flashlight in the other, which he used to scan the crowd for the usual suspects.

"Chill out Kev, this looks fun." Nazz had taken off her shirt and was also covered in glowing jewelry, her bra patterned with various amorous emojis.

"Yes hot of the collar Kevin, join in the merriment and cease your sour face making!" Rolf was wearing tube socks, a jock strap and not much else.

Everyone barely had a moment to take in the sight before the stage finally settled with a crescendo of electronic insanity, punctuated by the stage-lights all fading out and back in as a deep, dark red.

"People of Peach Creek!" A single floodlight snapped on and aimed skyward, revealing Eddy standing at the uppermost level of the stage, the light making him seem villainous. "I give you, Edstravaganza!"

The lights on stage began to strobe as the curtain parted, revealing none other than Ed, standing alone and wearing a billowing robe as well as a vacant but pleasant look on his face. The lights flashed brilliantly, like a chain of precise lighting strikes that dazzled and awed the rapt audience. They slowly diminished, easing into a weak but steady pulse. Ed stared out into the crowd and the crowd stared back. The crowd stared at Ed and Ed stared back. Ed stood upon the stage, a mysterious figure cloaked in magnificence and showmanship, and those gathered were in the palm of his hand. And that was it, he just stood there. The lights suddenly snapped to their full brilliance; Ed still unmoving.

"Hey, Lumpy, you're on!" Eddy's shoe dropped down and bounced off Ed's head, eliciting no response. Kevin began to laugh.

Suddenly, Ed threw off the robe, revealing that he was stripped to the waist with an intricate network of what looked like EKG nodes and wires crisscrossing his torso and arms.

"You Got it Eddy!" Ed threw out his arms and the lights turned a mossy, aquatic turquois, the strobes speeding up as he fluttered his fingers. As he raised his arms above his head the percussive beat rose in tempo as well, a slight whining pitch emerging from the depths of the stage. He clapped his hands and the lights all shifted to violet and indigo, bathing everything in color.

A woman's voice cut through all the sound and implored no one in particular, 'Trap for me!'

And so the party raged, guided by the kinesics of Ed and the occasional, orgasmic words of unseen men and women begging the audience to perform various vaguely musical actions. The party had grown, kids that weren't even from Peach Creek were arriving with more alcohol and more than a little drama. Word had gotten out, and Eddy quickly capitalized, charging admission and harassing people that tried to cheat the house by clambering over the fence.

Kevin escaped the borderline riot by climbing onto the roof, discovering that other exhausted party goers had gotten the same idea. He was soaked in sweat, and was splattered with the contents of several chemlights, looking almost radioactive. Even after stripping off his shirt he felt like he was running hot, and a few splotches of the glowing fluid were visible on his skin. "Damnit Nate…"

"Mix a solution of one teaspoon liquid dishwashing detergent, one-fourth cup distilled white vinegar, and one cup of cool water."

Kevin was startled and looked to the far end of the roof. Edd was sitting comfortably on a padded camping stool, with what looked like a control panel balanced on his knees. He was dressed casually, possibly owing to the humidity, wearing a tank-top with a design of the solar system across the chest, a fanny pack, and a pair of vintage men's athletic shorts that looked more at home on a beach in Florida than in a Peach Creek cul de sac.

"Oh, hey Double-Dee… uhm… what?"

"The recipe I gave was for a simple mixture that will clean the luminescent fluid from your clothing without ruining the color." He looked Kevin over and giggled.

"What's so funny?" Kevin felt his face get warm, though not in anger, more embarrassment, like he'd been caught with his, well, his shirt off on a rooftop in the dead of night.

"Oh, nothing, just having a laugh over the small amount on your skin, it's quite amusing."

"Yeah, Nate decided he wanted to write his name on his 'property' and went around trying to write 'NKG' on me and a few others." Kevin wiped at the fluid, smearing it more and transferring it to his palm.

"Well I see you escaped the branding, though not wholly unscathed." Double-Dee set down the control panel and walked over to Kevin, taking the glowing hand in his own. "Luckily this chemical is both non-toxic and simple to clean off."

Kevin watched Double-Dee consider his hand like some kind of specimen, a wave of prickly, cold needles washing over him at the coolness of the raven-haired teen's fingers played across his skin. Kevin felt warm, unusually warm, and while he could chalk some of it up to the rave going on just past the lip of the roof, he felt the odd sensation that it had something to do with the boy holding his hand. His other hand moved to his stomach and likewise smeared and stained itself, Kevin watching it with detached confusion.

"Oh my, now both your hands are glowing." Double-Dee lightly took hold of the other hand as well, making a flustered face that bordered on the maternally annoyed. "What are we going to do with you?"

Kevin didn't know why but his hands closed around the other boy's fingers, not harshly, not menacingly, but just enough to press them fully to against his own. Again, the difference in temperature between the two stirred up some bubbly, anxious humor in his belly and further south. Was that it, was it just that he was slightly colder, and his body was reacting to it? These thoughts and more came to a halt as he felt Double-Dee's hands squeeze back.

"Is something wrong, Kevin?"

The redhead instantly released the boy's hands and set about neurotically searching for something to do with his own; stuffing them in his pockets, wiping his forehead, scratching his belly, sliding under his very sweaty armpits, and finally hanging uselessly at his side. "Ah, no, just, your hands are cold, is all."

"I have poor circulation, Father ties it to my lack of physical exertion but Mother attributes it to an old Vincent family malady, we're all slaves to our genetics in the end." Double-Dee smiled pleasantly at Kevin, totally nonplussed.

Kevin nodded and nodded and grunted something akin to "uh huh, uh huh" without truly understanding a single word he'd said. It would seem impossible but a quiet settled between the two while the impromptu concert dominated the soundwaves all around.

"You two are cute."

The pair jumped, Double-Dee letting out a small squeak and Kevin throwing his cap at the now glowing Nate laying luxuriously on the roof nearby.

"Don't do that!" Kevin shouted.

"Do what, lay on MY roof watching MY friends get… friendly?" Nate flung Kevin's cap back at him.

"Nathaniel, you startled me." Double-Dee tugged at the front of his shirt, airing himself out.

"I have that effect on people." He stood and walked over to Double-Dee, putting him in a very intimate hug, soaked in sweat and chemlight fluid, still dressed in only his boxer briefs. "You really outdid yourself with the light show, makes Eddy's promoter shtick almost tolerable."

Double-Dee, clearly dismayed by the physical contact and the unsanitary state of Nate, nodded and tried his best to escape the teen's embrace. "Y-y-yes, ah, Eddy can be rather overbearing where profits are involved, I hope you won't hold it against him."

"No, but I'm fine with this situation as far as holding things against other people goes."

"While I appreciate the levity you're approaching the situation with I think I should go and try to calm Eddy down, as well as check on Ed, he must be parched."

"Yeah, Nate, I think Double-Dweeb has better things to do than get dry humped by you." Kevin knew his hands were balled into fists but for the life of him he couldn't explain why.

Nate nodded and released Double-Dee with a cartoonish, meaty, sucking sound as they came unstuck from one another. "Very well, please see to the evening's festivities."

A loud thud and a sudden burst of shrieking feedback came from the stage, the lights all snapping back onto flood-mode. Dismayed boos and surprised shouts came from the sizeable crowd below. The trio looked out and saw that Ed had collapsed to the floor in an inhuman puddle of sweat.

"All Done!" Ed wheezed from his place on stage.

Eddy fought his way to the stage, pockets and a backpack bursting with bills. He climbed on stage and began trying to revive the larger Ed, using entreaties and threats in equal measure.

"Oh dear, Ed must be absolutely exhausted, curse my curiosity!" Double-Dee started as though to leave but paused and turned to look at Kevin, biting his lip.

Kevin was frozen to the spot, his knees locking up and leaving him vulnerable to a stiff breeze. Double-Dee approached and removed a sky-blue bandanna from his fanny pack, using it to lightly scrub at Kevin's palm, lifting some of the glowing fluid.

"There, see, nothing drastic, just a little elbow grease, which I'm sure you have no shortage of." Double-Dee squeezed Kevin's bicep, pausing in appreciation, then hurried off, bidding Nate a brief farewell in passing. Kevin noticed a large letter 'K' written on his back in chemlight fluid.

"I couldn't help myself, after your Saved By The Bell moment I had to."

Kevin, unable to respond, walked towards the edge of the roof, Nate standing beside him. "Nate… not a word."

"What about a tasteful nude drawing?"

Kevin put his hand to Nate's back and gave a firm shove, sending him flying out into the crowd. As Nate surfed the rowdy sea of teens and the Eds alternatingly argued and tended to their friend, Kevin looked at the unremarkable blue bandanna and felt the unfamiliar cool needles attack him all over.

READ THE FULL STORY IN SEQUENCE HERE

#Kevedd #Fanfiction #slashfiction #ship #yaoi #ya #writing #prose

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justincharlacher · 7 years

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My Favorite Stuff of 2016

I was asked today if I had any favorite records of 2016, and after some consideration, the answer is no. I just didn’t listen to much music this year, and I’m actually relying on the year end lists of others to rectify that. I did watch a bunch of stuff and listen to a bunch of podcasts this year, so here is a list of stuff that moved me in those media, as well as two live music events that rocked me to bits in 2016.

Live music

The Local H reunion with original drummer Joe Daniels for a tour celebrating the 20th anniversary of their second record, As Good As Dead, kicked off in Chicago at the Metro on the anniversary weekend, April 15 and 16. I was there, and it was huge for me. Folks who know me know that Local H has been the band I’ve most consistently followed ever since seeing them touring for AGAD opening for Stone Temple Pilots in Philadelphia in November of 1996. So to be in their hometown for two sold out shows with Joe behind the kit for a set comprised of the entire AGAD record was amazing. It was made only better by the fact that current drummer Ryan Harding and singer/guitar/bass lunatic Scott Lucas kicked off the proceedings with a blistering set, and Lucas was then flanked by both drummers beating the ever-loving fuck out of a pair of quivering drum kits for a finale heavy on tunes from my favorite H record, 1998′s Pack Up the Cats. I would catch up with the tour a few weeks later in DC and Philly, a night that ended with a cheesesteak outing with the band and began with the fellas even tighter and more comfortable playing together. These dates were the highlights of my crappy 2016.

Nearly as awesome was seeing New Oreans sludge weirdos eyehategod in a tiny club in New York City in the fall. I’ve certainly seen EHG in tiny clubs before, but on this tour Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe was filling in for the ailing Mike Williams, and he was insane. I haven’t been into LoG for many years, and they long ago grew out of playing clubs, but this was a reminder of why I loved them so much. Blythe was a force of nature, a wild animal unleashed on a stage to a small room 2/3 full. Dude is the truth. Williams had a successful liver transplant at the end of the year, so hopefully he’ll back out croaking his unearthly vocals for the band soon enough, but catching the Blythe version was a real treat.

Podcasts

Extra Hot Great remains my favorite podcast. The crew who brought you Television Without Pity and Fametracker brave tech issues and thousands of miles of distance to bring discussion of television and ridiculous games. David T. Cole, Sarah D. Bunting, and Tara Ariano are the best thing I pipe into my earholes every week.

Slate’s Panoply network has expanded to include a wealth of great content, but I still gravitate to the OG lineup of The Culture Gabfest, Hang Up and Listen, and The Political Gabfest, which I turn on as soon as I wake up on Friday mornings. Each of these has three hosts with unique points of view and awesome chemistry, though they aren’t afraid to disagree.

The Read is Kid Fury and Crissle. Angry. Black. Queer. Put on your helmet!

The Film Pigs have the only podcast about movies on the internet, and certainly the only one that Chuck D. composed theme music for. Just ask them.

The Cracked Podcast often retreads ground covered in the articles on the site, but it’s worth it to hear Jason Pargin aka David Wong talk about anything. Dude is smart, thoughtful, and the kind of voice that needs exposure behind a humor site.

We Hate Movies. Start with the Boondock Saints II episode. You’ll thank me.

Television

Fleabag (Amazon Prime): This show you guys! Six episodes. Three hours. I dare you not to do it in one go. Phoebe Waller-Bridge is a revelation as the eponymous hero with a foul mouth and the need to nervously chat with the audience throughout her adventures. To say too much would be doing disservice to the fantastic narrative that Waller-Bridge, who also created and wrote the show, has constructed. Just brace yourself for a wallop of an ending--and the urge to start over again as soon as you’ve finished. This was my favorite tv thing in 2016.

Catastrophe (Amazon Prime): Season two. Rob and Sharon are parents. What could go wrong?

Banshee (Cinemax): This show aired its fourth and final season in 2016, though I only caught up with the first three seasons earlier in the year. It’s the show for folks (like me) who love the kind of R-rated, big dumb action pictures that Hollywood doesn’t make anymore. An unnamed thief gets out of prison after 15 years and hauls ass to small town Pennsylvania to meet up with the woman he left behind. By chance, he witnesses the death of the town’s new sheriff, and using quick thinking and a hacker best friend dressed in drag, assumes the sheriff’s identity. As sheriff Nate Hood, our hero fights crime and corruption, and an apostate Amish kingpin. The action is filmed spectacularly, the violence would make Kurt Sutter blush, and it’s Cinemax, so you know the sex is sultry and plentiful. This show is an underrated gem.

Rectify (Sundance Network): Like Banshee, this one wrapped a four season run in 2016, and I had only just caught up with it. The tale of Daniel Holden, a man sentenced to death at 18 and released nearly twenty years later on a technicality (the show is cagey about his guilt), this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen on television, full stop. With standout supporting performances from Abigail Spencer and Clayne Crawford so powerful that I followed the actors to lesser network dramas, this show creates a portrait of people just trying to work through an emotional bomb that as been dropped as the shattered son, brother, friend, and step-brother they thought they’d never see again walks among them. Powerful stuff from Ray McKinnon, who I still think of as Reverend Smith on Deadwood.

Better Call Saul (AMC): Season two finds Jimmy with the opportunity to settle in as a legit lawyer and partner to Kim. Watching him willfully blow it is agony.

Search Party (TBS): So yeah...TBS is making quality dramedies now. Alia Shawkat leads a group of painfully self-involved friends as they search for a missing girl who they sort of maybe knew in college. Being lost in life is the real thematic game here, and the show finds a fresh way to engage this age-old trope.

Bojack Horseman (Netflix): I’m not sure that there has been a show as depressing as this one. Bojack Horseman wraps the self destructive tendencies of Walter White, Don Draper, and James McGill together and multiplies them. It’s made worse because he also really feels things, kind of. The third season dropped on Netflix in 2016, but you have to start from the beginning and give the show some time to hook you. It’s well worth it.

The People V. O.J. Simpson (FX): Never in a million years did I think I would even like this, but boy howdy... I loved it. Sarah Paulson is jaw-dropping in bringing Marcia Clark to life and her chemistry with Sterling K. Brown’s Christopher Darden is scorching. Whether or not Darden and Clark hooked up in real life, I can’t imagine many folks who didn’t want these two characters to just get busy already. Courtney B. Vance crushed the role of Johnnie Cochran. And what in God’s name was Travolta doing?! I hate Ryan Murphy products. I loved this show!

Finally, I’m going to toss out a group of good but not great shows that also watched intently in 2016. The Girlfriend Experience on STARZ expands on Soderbergh’s film with a real actress this time (though I think Sasha Grey did what was asked of her in the film). Quarry on Cinemax tells the story of a man who returns to Memphis after two tours in Vietnam and finds himself drawn into a mysterious underworld as an assassin. Lethal Weapon on FOX is far better than it has any right to be, and casts Rectify’s brilliant Clayne Crawford as Riggs to Damon Wayans’s Murtaugh. And Timeless on NBC tells the story of a hijacked time machine and the ragtag crew sent to chase it through American history. Abigail Spencer shows up in this one, so score another extension of Rectify. None of these shows is going to compete with greats like Rectify or Breaking Bad or The Wire, but even in a crowded tv market, I think they are worth a look. They are solid.

Movies

This is a short one as I saw very few new movies in 2016.

Green Room: Jeremy Saulnier brings the hurt with this tale of a hardcore band touring the Pacific northwest who get caught up with group of violent skinheads after a gig. Practical gore. Psychological horror. Patrick Stewart bringing soft-spoken menace as the cool leader of the neo-Nazi group. Also, one of Anton Yelchin’s final performances before his tragic death. This one had me watching through my fingers in the theater.

Brand: A Second Coming: This documentary chronicling the ups and downs of Russell Brand was probably the most thought-provoking film I saw all year. Directed by Ondi Timoner, who has made a career of examining male hubris, this film depicts a man who seems to truly mean well but simply cannot get out of his own way. I found it to be a very powerful character study.

The Nice Guys: I’m in the bag for Shane Black. He still makes the big dumb action pictures. I even liked Russell Crowe in this one.

The Conjuring 2: Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga are terrific. These films are legit scary. James Wan expertly uses his camera for maximum tension.

Blue Jay: Sarah Paulson again. I love her. And I’ve also become very fond of Mark Duplass the actor. I’ve mentioned this film before. A lovely two-hander about what could have (and maybe should have) been.

So that’s it. On to 2017! Thanks for reading.

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