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criminalminds4days · 3 years

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Family Matters | Chapter 5: Emily's Intervention

Hello people of tumblr!!

I hope all of you had an excellent New Year's! I got so trashed that it lasted until yesterday 🤣 I guess that makes sense considering how horrible 2020 was.

Anyway, I hope all of you had a great time and that 2021 becomes a good year for you all. Because I will be spending a lot of time with family until the 11th of this month, I have decided that I will take January to write as many chapters as possible and I will return to posting in February!

Also, I have posted the story on Wattpad, and I will be updating simultaneously.

With all that said, I hope you all enjoy chapter 5 of Family Matters 🎉🎉

Warnings: Swearing, sexual references, violence and murder references, public embarrassment, and very bad jokes!

Word Count: 3.2k

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Tag list: @mcntsee @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel @evelyncade @haylaansmi @paulaern @myfandomlife-blog

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(This gif is not mine)

Chapter 5: Emily’s Intervention

The importance of the following couple of days is the only reason our story will address them. Understanding the events that occurred is vital for the upcoming chapters that our favorite agents will face.

The following questions needed an answer:

What did Emily and Spencer talk about?

Why was Spencer so upset?

And perhaps, the most important, why was Emily at Spencer's apartment with Hunger Games Pajamas?

Well, let us do a quick rewind before we move on to the consequences of the visit of Tyler Hemingway and the answers to the questions above.

Emily opened the door to his room, a very surprised Derek and Spencer observed her. She didn't say a word until she was right in front of the two men, taking a few seconds to observe their reactions, making sure it was known she didn't come in a friendly mood.

"You, out." She said to the dark-skinned man, with no emotion, and a serious face as she pointed to the door.

"Excuse me? Emily this is my room, I don't know what-"

"I said, get out." Her tone was deadly, "now." She didn't raise her voice, but the message was clear.

"I am leaving, but it is definitely not because I am scared of you, it's simply because I have an appointment with a cup of coffee." He stood and walked towards the door, careful to avoid any close contact with her.

"Yeah, let's go." The brunette said, standing up and walking towards the door, only to be stopped by the woman.

"You, sit."

"I am sitting." He returned to the edge of his bed, "and it is definitely because you terrify me."

"Derek, if I find out you're spying on this conversation..."

"It's not like I want to know." He said quickly looking at the doctor one last time, with pity clear in his eyes and he rushed out the door making sure to close it behind him.

The man left in the room gulped before speaking again. "Am I going to die?"

"Not if you listen to me." She sat at the edge of Morgan's bed and her demeanor changed. She seemed more relaxed and even excited. That shift alone had the man planning for ways to run out the door without falling victim to Emily Prentiss. "Now, Spencie-"

"Please don't call me that."

"Fine, Baby genius." She smiled at him, in a slightly more terrifying manner than her demeanor when she arrived. "We need to talk about the situation that occurred during our drive to the hospital."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Can you explain to me, honey, why you are upset with our friend?"

"Please don't call me honey, it's somehow worse than Spencie."

"Answer. My. Question."

"I already told you guys, I'm upset that she's letting this guy walk all over her."

"See, I can't believe that, because you stated that part of the reason for your anger was that you still came after this Tyler character, so please tell me, what's that about?"

"She left me behind, remember? She didn't pick me up." He said as he played with his hands. Jumping out the window wasn't sounding so bad, even if they were on the third floor. If he calculated correctly, he could probably survive it.

"And that's all?" He nodded, and she sighed, clearly frustrated. "Let me try a different approach."

"I'm scared." He mumbled.

"Spencer Reid," she began, that smile still on her lips. "Is there anything you don't like about her?"

"Yeah, I mean, for once, she sleeps on the right side of the bed, which is my side, so when I had to sleep in the same bed as her I had to sleep on the left side! The left side Emily!"

"Did she ask you for that?"

"No, of course not. I just kind of did it."

"Okay, what else don't you like?"

"That she's so naive, she believes people always have good intentions, and she's always getting hurt because she doesn't understand that not everyone comes from an honest and good place. I mean she's a profiler and yet she falls for the same tricks over and over again. But that also means she's really empathetic, and nice which I guess is not a down falling but a virtue, so I guess I can't really say I don't like that of her."

"Interesting." Emily's smile turned more genuine. "Now, what are some of the things you like about her."

"I mean, she's a great friend, a reliable agent, and she's so funny. She has similar interests to me, and whenever we hang out there is nothing we can't talk about." A smile appeared on his face as the memories of their time together became clear in his mind. "She has this bright energy around her, and it simply pulls you towards her, I also love her clumsiness, it makes her, well her. I love when she laughs, and I love being around her, and there are these times where she'll rest her head on my shoulders or she'll accidentally brush her hand on mine and I get this feeling, that I have never-" He stopped, looking straight at Emily as he reached the same conclusion as her. "Oh."

"Yeah."

"I like her. Like really like her, don't I?"

"Yes, you do." Emily hugged him, "I am so glad you finally came to terms with it." She let go of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. "Now, what are you gonna do about it?"

"Nothing."

"WHAT?"

"I mean, she obviously doesn't feel the same, and even if she did, you know the rules. I wouldn't want to make her transfer, nor do I want to transfer."

"Spencer, you are seriously going to let the love of your life walk away simply because of your job?"

"I never said she was the love of my life." Emily rolled her eyes, "besides, we're really good friends, and I don't want to ruin that."

"Ugh, you are so dumb for a genius." He wanted to object, but she continued. "This is what we are going to do, you can take the rest of the week, to think about her, and if you two are worth the trouble. Once this case is over, I will go to your apartment and we will discuss the next steps over some glasses of wine. Those are more for me than for you because I'm gonna need a lot of patience." He furrowed his eyebrows but she didn't even register it. "Now, because of your little scene from earlier, you have some space, so use this to your advantage. Make me proud son."

"No, no. Please never call me son again. That was very disturbing."

"Well, then do the right thing." She walked out of the room, and he sat there, wishing Emily had never made him realize how he felt.

Now, ignoring her was torture, because all he could think of was her lips on his, or their hands intertwined, her laughing at something he said as they ate dinner, or watching a movie as they cuddled on her sofa. This was bad, it was a bad thing that was happening right now.

She was his friend, and even then, he still thought she had feelings for her ex-boyfriend. It was a disaster.

"So, what's your conclusion?"

That was the first thing Emily said when he opened the door. She was wearing black pajamas with the Mockingjay symbol from The Hunger Games, her hair was in a ponytail and she had a big reusable grocery bag on her shoulder that seemed full of something he couldn't quite make out, at least until he heard the glass clink and reached a pretty solid conclusion of what was in the bag.

"I need new friends."

She seemed unfazed by his comment and simply moved past him towards his living room. "No, no, please come in. I insist." He mumbled as he closed the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I told you, we need to make a game plan, but we need to hurry, we don't have much time before she arrives."

"Did you invite her?"

"No, but she's on her dinner with Tyler, and if he's as horrible as I think he is, she'll be here in about an hour or so, after realizing he just wanted to have sex with her."

She pulled a wine bottle out of her bag and roomed through his drawers to grab a wine glass and opened the bottle. "I would offer you, but I need you sober tonight."

"That just sounds so wrong."

"Don't worry about it, Doctor. Now, have you thought about your options?"

"I already told you Emily, our friendship and our jobs are not worth risking for some feelings that will most likely fade away."

"Why are smart people so dumb?" She asked no one in particular.

"First of all, that's offensive. Second, we don't know if she feels the same way, and third of all, in the extreme and highly unlikely case in which she did, the probability of us working out would be almost null."

"Spencer, I love you. I really do, but you need to learn how to read social cues. I am almost one-hundred percent sure she likes you, you've both liked each other for longer than you think, and I get it, your jobs are important, but when you decide to leave, what's gonna be waiting for you?"

He remained silent for a couple of minutes taking in her words. She stared at him, as she sipped more and more wine.

"I don't do, relationships really well. What if I lose her and then it all becomes worse?"

"What if you lose her because you're scared to 'do' relationships?"

"I hate it when you're right."

"Now, let's see, how should you tell her? We should make it a grand gesture, but we need to keep it between us." She opened the second bottle as she spoke. "Oh, I'm gonna have to be a third wheel for a really long time, but I guess I can deal with that." She kept drinking. "I am totally gonna officiate the wedding. Also, I think you need to do it soon, maybe when she comes to tell you you were right?"

"Emily, let's calm down for a minute."

"Can we watch Dance Moms?"

"No, I don't even know what that is, but it sounds awful."

"It's so good. The kids are so talented." She sighed, as if somehow proud of said kids. "Anyway, going back to your love life." She began once again and he simply tried to not scream.

A drunk Prentiss continued to increase the level of alcohol in her system while simultaneously rambling about the beautiful life they would have together. He hadn't said a word in what seemed to be an hour, but that didn't stop her, she kept speaking of possible destination weddings and how she needed to be the godparent of one of their kids, even if JJ and she had to share because she knew that JJ was Spencer's best friend before any of them had even joined. She also expressed that she had shipped the two of them, but decided against it once JJ had found Will and they had children.

"I told her I was definitely the best friend." She smiled, as the third bottle came empty. Her rambling had returned to Spencer's current crush. "And I am an amazing wing woman. I got Spencer Reid to accept his love."

"I did not say I was in love. I like her, but love is a strong word." He tried to take the bottle from her but she was fast, even under the influence. "You've been talking for almost an hour, and drinking that in record time. I'm a little concerned for you."

"I've just been trying to pass the time."

"Time for what?"

"For the show to begin." She wiggled her eyebrows, as she drank the last bit of wine left. "I'm gonna have to go get more."

"How about we talk about my feelings instead?" That was the last thing he wanted to do, granted it was also the thing she had been doing for the last hour, but if Emily got any more wasted, they were gonna have a problem tomorrow.

She smiled, but before she could try and convince him to propose, there was a knock at the door. "Right on time!" She whispered.

"What?"

"Just go open the door."

He walked towards the door and opened it slightly, only enough to make his figure known. He was so perplexed to see her standing on the other side that he forgot for a moment he was supposedly still upset with her. Though the fact that Prentiss had been right and she was at his door was making the air get caught in his lungs. Nonetheless, he maintained a neutral expression, waiting for her to speak.

"I came to tell you that you were right. He just wanted to get in pants." He stayed silent, simply observing her. She was upset, and he wasn't sure if it was because of the fact that he was right or because of something Tyler had said. "I actually thought he wanted to apologize, and I think part of me just wanted to believe that for the first time I was not being used, that people actually cared about what I felt."

"There are people that care about you, they are just not the wants you wanted to." He tried not to sound defensive but it seemed impossible. He cared about her, Emily cared about her, the whole team and her mom, even her cousin Nicole cared about her. He wanted her to see that, and maybe for it to be enough one day.

"No, they are! I thought I needed the people who wronged me to fix it, to show me that I was worth the trouble when in reality all I needed was for me to understand that I was. And I just needed a reminder that the people that care about me are the ones that should matter the most." A trace of a smile formed on his lips. He was included, at least he hoped he was, because what a wonderful life that would be. "I am so sorry about how I acted, and I am sorry I left you here waiting for me. Spencer Reid, you are my best friend and you come before any other jerk out there. I need you to know that this time in which I didn't have you with me was miserable. I missed you so much I spent the whole dinner with Tyler talking about you."

"You did?" He seemed genuinely surprised. Emily had predicted this too, and the meaning behind it. He wished he could control his emotions and not read too much into it, but the seed had been planted and now all he could think of is how to tell her he liked her. He was ready to say it, but thankfully he waited for her to finish.

"Yeah, I did. I missed you, and I hope we never fight again, I don't know what I would do without your friendship."

"I missed you too." She bit her lip, and he smiled, though he'd be lying if he said that her seeing him only as a friend was didn't hurt. Here he was, wishing to tell her that he wanted to be more than friends and she had inadvertently stopped him in his tracks. Instead of mopping and wishing to vanish, he decided that her friendship was better than anything else, and he couldn't lose that. He would get over here and she wouldn't even have to know about it. "Wanna come in and watch TV?" He asked, already taking his plan into action.

"I would love that." She smiled, Spencer was about to open the door and let her in when Emily spoke once more.

"That's good to hear, I am trying to get Spence here to watch Dance Moms with me but he refuses, maybe if there is two of us, he'll change his mind." She frowned, clearly confused by the presence of another voice, he opened the door to the view of a very drunk Emily in pajamas. Her frown softened and she smiled again, seemingly relieved to see her. "May I say, you look hot. Blue suits you."

"So I've been told." She gave him a knowing look and he couldn't help the beat his heart skipped. This feeling was going to kill him one of these days.

"Are you sure you can handle being in that close all night though? Maybe Spencer can lend you one of his shirts." She said, winking at them. He tried not to look completely horrified by the implication that comment had due to the fact that the girl next to him had no idea it was there, but with Emily staring at him as she was, it had become a difficult task.

"Has she been drinking?"

"It's her third bottle of wine."

"We need to cut her off."

"Yeah, we do." He smiled at her, "She's right though, if you want to borrow something more comfortable let me know." The image of her in his shirt, and the idea that her smell might stay in it even after she was gone made him want to rush into his room and get it for her.

"Careful Spencer Reid, I might take you up on that." She joked, and he prayed to all the gods he knew about that she would.

"Awwww, YOU TWO ARE ADORABLE!" The woman screamed. "Just get married already!"

The pair laughed and made their way to the sofa, she closed the door behind her and sat down, him very aware of their closeness. Emily grabbed the control and looked for the show, cheering like a little girl when she found it. Spencer felt her rest her head on his shoulder and his body immediately tensed up at the notion. He didn't really know for how long he had been feeling this way about her, but he wasn't sure he wanted to ever stop or fade away.

"Your birthday is coming up." She whispered.

"Yeah, I'm turning thirty, can you believe that?"

"You're old." He chuckled. "Do you know what you're gonna do?"

"Probably get a haircut."

"Besides that."

"I don't know. We might have a case."

"What do you want?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I need to get you something extra special for your birthday number thirty, so what do you want?"

"I don't need gits."

"You are no fun."

He had a pretty good idea of what he wanted, but he wasn't sure she was ready to hear it, or that he would ever get it. That was just life, and he had learned early on that he couldn't be greedy, he had a mom he loved, friends he could rely on, and that should be enough. Relationships were hard, feelings faded and he didn't want to be caught up in a situation where he would lose his favorite person in the world. So as he sat there, her head on his shoulders, a drunk Emily singing the themes song of the show they were watching while also giving the dancers advice, he decided that was the best he could hope for, reaffirming once again that his romantic feelings for the girl sitting next to him needed to disappear.

#spencer x y/n #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #criminal minds #cm

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su-homebroken-au · 4 years

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Homebroken Chapter 4

I wanted to start off this chapter by saying thank you all so much for enjoying the story so far. Your comments give me so much inspiration and I hope I can tell a great story for you. This chapter marks the beginning of some fun, at the end of every chapter there will be a code to let you know how Steven is feeling. I thought it would be a fun way to look into his mind! Unfortunately, there is no illustration for this chapter. I hope I can make it up to all of you through posting something on February 14th on the official tumblr blog for this au! = su-homebroken-au Thanks for reading!

"There you are Pink.."

Blue approached the small diamond, the much smaller diamond admittedly. She had heard about what had taken place, though she had yet to witness the full extent of their conversation. She had come to check on Pink, to ensure she settled well into her old throne room.

She did not expect the diamond to run.

Walls had been built all around the place, giving spaces that only Pink could fit into easily, which seemed to be the case as she peered around. She is forced to come to the conclusion that Pink was afraid, but she cannot compared why.

"Oh Pink, please come out." She pleaded, looking around slowly. "I won’t take you from your organic, I promise.. I've even taken measures to ensure that it is cared for, and you as well! Please, come out so I can talk to you.."

There is a little click, the sound of shoes on a hard floor. It was so faint, Blue might have believed she had imagined it. However, that seems to not be the case. She watches as Pink stepped out from behind a pink wall, a single organic eye peering at her. Blue could see the damage it had taken, it's eye was void of everything and a hideous crack had appeared on it's face just below that eye. A peculiar thing, she had never known that organics could be cracked like gems.

Blue would sigh, sitting down. She would carefully lift Pink's organic host, placing it delicately onto the palm of her hand. Like this, she could see the thorns protruding from it's body, and the red liquid that dripped from them. How vile, Blue couldn't understand Pink's obsession with the creatures.

But it made her happy..

"I've always told you, you cannot argue with White. Look what happened to you!" She scolded. When it suddenly shrank away arms coming to shield it's face and Pink's discolored gem, she realized that she must be scaring it. "I'm sorry Pink, oh Pink.. Why do you love these things so much? I suppose you need something to tend to, with your court being.. Well, not existent."

Realising that Blue meant no harm, the organic would lower it's arms to watch her. It would slowly sit on the palm of her hand, and Blue responded by gently ruffling it's hair with her thumb. She was careful not to squash the thing and to not touch the thorns behind its ears.

She did not want to know what would occur to her if she touched them.

"Don't worry Pink, you'll be getting your own court again. White has decided that she wants you to continue to do what you did before, before you.. Well, fake shattered yourself." Blue stated with a nod. "You'll be keeping us happy, like you always have. You always were so good at making us all laugh."

It just stared at her. It's single eye was unnerving to say the least.

"We have two ships heading out, one to leave that human back to your colony and another to go to the Zoo. My gems will be retrieving some fruit to grow here to keep your organic sustained and shall gather some guards for you. We want to ensure that you are happy too Pink." Blue smiled at her, hoping that she was able to put both her beloved diamond and her beloved diamond's pet at ease.

She can't tell if it worked.

"I'll be finding your friend again too. I remember, you used to have a friend you would run around with. You would laugh and play, I know that energy will be good. You'll be able to spread so much more joy."

"We're all so thrilled to have you home Pink, you know we can't let you leave." Blue sighed softly, looking around the room. "I suppose it is good you're changing it. You'll need to stay here, I don't want you to do anything that could result in you damaging your pet and then getting upset."

"Perhaps, that human before? Shall I ask for him to be taken to the Zoo? That way, when you have your guards to keep an eye on you, you can go see him. Does that sound like fun?"

"Earth."

Blue recoiled slightly, the blank response had caught her completely off guard. Before she had sent Pink away, she was so full of life. Bursting with energy..

This was, much more subdued. Much more creepy.

"He needs to go home. To Earth."

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you rather he be near? How else will you be able to observe him?"

"Earth."

Blue sighed in defeat, there was no use in arguing with Pink when she was set in her ways it appeared. She figured that it would be better to not push Pink anymore. She was awfully hurt, while she had done this to herself Blue couldn't help but feel awful for what had occurred.

If only she had been more careful, then none of this would have occurred. Blue sighed, feeling tears beginning to form in her eyes. She sighed softly, trying hard to not cry.

She paused as she felt something. Pink had begun to rub her thumb gently, attempting to reassure her. Blue couldn't help but smile, sniffling as she wiped away her tears.

"Oh thank you Pink, I'm so happy that you are here." She would nod before setting Pink back onto the ground. "You'll be so much happier here than on that disaster planet. I know you'll have to stay in this room, but you know it's for the best. You can't let your subjects see you like this."

Pink only stared.

"I will be back later, okay? I will bring you your old friend and get your other things. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of Pink, I swear."

Blue knew right away that she would be discovered, but she hadn’t anticipated it to be so soon. Thankfully, she had already sent the ships on their way with their respective instructions when she heard the telltale sign of Yellow’s approach.

Her voice.

She is able to turn just in time to see her counterpart storming towards her. The displeasure and anger in her gaze would have been intimidating to a lesser gem, but Blue meets it a more apathetic unintimidated stare.

“Blue.” She started, and other gems are quick to disperse. Only their loyal Pearls stay by their sides, as was their purpose. No-one else had time to stand and gawk at the events that were about to unfold. “You cannot be serious! Actually sending the human to Earth, even when you have a ship going to the Zoo!”

“I am.” Blue states bluntly. “Pink wanted her human to return to Earth. I have given the gems instructions to check and extract the Cluster from the Earth’s core. With Pink here, we do not need to use the planet to finish incubating the geoweapon. It is her planet, when she is able to return to her duties fully I want her to have her planet ready for her.”

“Who cares what she wants?! She abandoned us!”

“I care.”

Yellow groaned, running a hand through her hair. She could see the glow of her gem spark along her arms, her agitation causing her powers to reveal themselves. Blue sighed, placing a hand upon Yellow’s shoulder. The other Diamond looked at her, shocked by this action but quick to relax and sigh.

“I didn’t..”

“I know.”

She rubbed her eyes, but Blue knows there isn’t any tears. It’s just a way to block it, a way to shield her own vulnerabilities.

“White wants her around to keep all of us happy. If we want her to fulfill her responsibilities, we need her to feel happy as well.”

“You’re only fussing over her out of guilt.” Yellow looked at her knowingly, and Blue sighed.

“Aren’t you too?” Blue manages a tired but amused smile. “That’s why you’re being harsh, you want her to behave –“

“Like a Diamond.” Yellow finished.

“Like you.”

Yellow rolled her eyes, and Blue could swear there was the tiniest twinge of a blush but it was gone before she could fully concentrate on it.

“This better be worth it.”

“It will be.”

Yellow sighed, she didn’t seem entirely convinced but Blue didn’t feel the need to clarify any further if she wasn’t asked. Yellow could do things her way, but Blue would do things her own way in turn. With an explanation that she had elsewhere to be, Blue left Yellow.

The garden was a place Blue had not visited in some time. It was reserved solely for Pink and her playmate Spinel, no-one else really had any reason to be.

She is certain that it is not meant to be like this. The dead and decayed remains of a once flourishing garden caused Blue to grimace. Once it was beautiful, but that was when Pink was here. She didn’t even know if Spinel was here, but after receiving her colony Pink never mentioned her once beloved friend. Perhaps she was here, tending to the garden?

She did a fairly terrible job at it.

The sight of pink against fading greys confirmed one thought. The pink gem was standing, dishevelled and waiting. Her hands were clasped in front of her, and she stared at Blue Diamond in complete awe. Blue would have wondered when Spinel last seen a gem, but she didn’t even get a chance to.

“Wowee! Blue Diamond! Have you come to play with us? Oh did you bring Pink! I’ve been playing the game all this time, just like she asked!” The gem had begun to bounce, breaking free from rotten roots. Her legs curled under her into a spring, and she bounced even higher.

“Game?” Blue echoed, but shook her head. “No, no Spinel. Pink isn’t coming here, you’re going to her.”

“Going to her? In the palace? Whoa! I never been there before! I bet there’s lots of places to play there!” Her excitement was contagious, and Blue couldn’t help but smile a little. She was so much like Pink, no wonder they got along so well.

“Yes Spinel, you’re being given the task of keeping Pink company, and keeping her entertained.” Blue explained, gesturing for her to join her one the warp pad. Spinel did this without needing another offer, her excitement turning her limbs to jelly. She squealed in delight. “Now, I must warn you. Pink has changed. She has embedded herself into some.. Human child. You’ll need to be careful, these humans are very delicate and injure easily. She seems to love this child, using it to hold her gem.”

“No problemo! You can trust me! I’ll have Pink laughing and giggling in every era!” She insisted, before pausing and giving Blue a puzzled look. “What’s a human anyways?”

“Something Pink loves, you’ll meet it soon enough.” Blue nodded, about to warp away with Spinel. First she ensures Spinel understands. “You’ll be taking care of Pink in the palace, keep her out of trouble.”

“We’ll have the best time in her room!”

The warp glimmers to light, and they’re gone.

01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 01110011 01101000 01110101 01110010 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110011 01101111 00100000 01101101 01110101 01100011 01101000

#steven universe #su #steven universe homebroken #su homebroken #story

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creativewritingfinalportfolio · 7 years

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Short Story

The sun's warm rays spread over Northern California, illuminating the suburban town of Trabajando's grandiose houses and well kept lawns. Cycling back home after a long night working on the Bernie campaign in one of the city's many bike lanes was our hero Maple Lacroix. Maple parked her bike in the shed next to her modest but well kept house and glanced across the street. She noticed that the "for sale" sign across the street had been replaced with one declaring the property had been sold. She briefly wondered who could have possibly bought the least energy efficient house in all of Trabajando, but set aside her musings for a time when she wasn't half asleep. The next day Maple set off to work on her bike. She enjoyed the work she did for her paid internship at an up and coming law firm, but what truly made the position perfect for her was the flexible hours. She was immediately swarmed by a group of her coworkers upon entering the stout brick building. "Maple! Thank goodness you're here!" exclaimed Aspen, her coworker. "We're absolutely swamped! TPD has already received five complaints this morning about the Cringé family!" Maple's other coworker Chia clarified. "Who?" Maple questioned. "The Cringé family- they're new in town, just moved in across the street from you," Aspen said. "While everyone in this town prides themselves on being open minded, people just can't excuse wastefulness or toxic masculinity!" After careful examination of the evidence, Maple attended a one o'clock briefing on the situation. A man in a suit was giving a presentation at the front of the room. "As you can see," he said, "the Cringé family poses no serious threat to Trabajando." The room burst into chatter. Lawyers and other interns frantically scrambled to record the information. Maple, being familiar with the facts of the case, jumped at the chance to correct him. "You've got that wrong!" Maple's clear voice rang out. The room fell silent. "The Cringé family is the most serious threat to Trabajando we've seen in a long time. But not to worry. I have a plan." "Wait a second, you're just an intern!" The man in the suit cried. "I may be an intern," she glanced around the room, "but this is a really good idea, I swear!"

Maple marched through the doors of the Bernie campaign's main office with a stately air of purpose. The room looked the same as always- star spangled posters, a cardboard cutout of the senator himself, a few local high school students lounging around, sitting on top of the desks they were supposed to be working behind. Maple had grown relatively close to the politically active bunch, and decided they would be of great value in helping her with the mission. "Alright guys, I need your help," she declared. "Lit! Everyone in this town's already voting for Bernie, so we've been doing nothing for the past two hours," one of the teenagers said. Maple turned off the lights for dramatic effect. "A darkness has come to this land and we are Trabajando's last hope of defeating it. Without us, their ignorance and misinformation will only spread. We must fight... the Cringé family!" Her rallying cry echoed throughout the room. A girl in the corner turned the lights back on. "The what?" "I've mapped it all out for you," Maple pulled out a scroll from her messenger bag and unfurled it. "The Cringé family has four children. The eldest, according to our information, is stereotypical thirty one year old brony. The youngest is sixteen. I've dubbed her 'Gravity Falls Kintypes' due to careful examination of the before you follow requirements in her tumblr bio." Maple clicked to the next slide on the PowerPoint that suddenly appeared behind her. Teal words on a lavender background read "do not follow if you ID as Dipper or Mabel. I am literally both of them". A collective shudder spread throughout the room. "It gets worse," Maple warned. "Upward of twenty self diagnosed mental illnesses, plus neopronouns. The middle children are also threats. I've located the twenty year old's true crime blog, where she keeps a record of her adventures in shoplifting and serial killer fanfiction. But the fedora tipping seventeen year old... he might be the worst of them all." "We've never defeated a fedora tipper before!" cried a girl with her hair tied up in Sailor Moon buns. "I know," Maple conceded, "but nothing about this is anything like what we've seen before. What we need is a team of not just social justice warriors, but social justice heroes. That's why I've come to you four." "I want a superhero name!" the girl with the Sailor Moon buns announced. "What's wrong with Stacy Jeanette Webster? Your initials are already S-J-W," a scrub in the back of the room pointed out. "It's lame! I want to be Pilot Sun, get it? Like Sailor Moon?" "Unfortunately," an edgy looking girl with pastel pink hair and a nose ring groaned. "You reblog Sailor Moon stuff all the time, you aesthetic hoe!" The edgy girl flipped her hair. "Yeah, but only when it's my aesthetic." "Your superhero name would be Pastel Goth. You know, like in your blog description!" Stacy suggested enthusiastically. "Guys, we're not superheroes! If anything, we're admittedly less than stellar heroes seeing as you four have been sitting around here doing nothing all day when there's a real threat to our city outside!" Maple exclaimed suddenly. "Wow, saucy. You know, you're a real crunchy granola type but you can get pretty upsetti sometimes. Have some vegan spaghetti," commented a guy in a hoodie. "Come on, guys, Maple's right! We have to save the city!" Stacy urged.

After a few hours of careful strategizing, our heroes had a plan in place. Direct confrontation was decidedly the best attack method. They found the various member of the Cringé family doing exactly what they had predicted. Gravity Falls Kintypes was verbally assaulting the elderly bus driver for assuming her pronouns. With the power of recommending a therapist to help her work through her attention seeking issues, Gravity Falls Kintypes, now known by her birth name, Emily, was saved from a life of cringe. The brony was found harassing women at a local coffee shop. After a lecture on respect, the heroes decided to let him keep doing his thing watching children's cartoons. "As long as he's not hurting anyone, it's his life," Pastel Goth reasoned. A basic economics lesson was enough to get True Crime to stop her shoplifting habit. In fact, after learning how harshly workers were treated under American capitalism, she started working on the Bernie campaign. Her mass murderers blog slowly faded as her interests shifted from killing sprees to social justice. The final challenge was the fedora tipping neckbeard. Maple's blue Honda Fit pulled up outside the public library. "I'm scared. What if we fail?" Pilot Sun's voice quivered. "Failure is simply not an option. Besides, we have all the resources we need. We have MySpace Edgelord to bond with him over their shared edginess." The emo teen flipped her emo hair. "Science Side is an IT millennial- he knows every science!" The scientist zipped his hoodie. "We'd better get in there," he said. "The library's closing soon." Fedora Tipper was found on the third floor of the library reading manga left to right. The team hid behind a bookshelf. "Pilot Sun, go act like a clueless idiot," Maple instructed. "Roger that!" The weeb left their hiding place. She made her way towards another bookshelf. "I wonder if there's anything here my feeble female mind can comprehend," she mumbled thoughtfully. She reached for an old Blue Exorcist. "Oh absolutely not," the fedora tipper materialized behind her. "He's in position! Move in!" Maple commanded. Pastel Goth jumped into action. "Excuse me, were you in need of some help?" "I was just telling this female about the intricacies of dimensions and exorcisms. You know, basic stuff," the fedora tipper sniffed self righteously. "Dimensions, eh?" Science Side thrust himself into the conversation. "Ricky Kremer taught me all about those. (Smart science statement)?" A look of worry crossed Fedora Tipper's face. He didn't know any actual science. "Um, I- I was speaking in metaphor, you know, about the black hole of my soul." Maple's Cheshire grin spread wider as she watched the scene play out from behind the bookcase. "So he's trying to use edginess to walk back his pseudoscience, eh? Well, no one out-edges our secret weapon." MySpace Edgelord emerged from the shadows to join the fight. "Hey." She flipped her hair. "Want to listen to MCR unironically and cry about what an under appreciated character Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is?" Fedora Tipper recoiled. Victory was in sight for our heroes. However, at the last second, the 4chan user broke out of the semicircle they had created around him and dashed towards the stairs. Maple knew there was only one thing left to do. She sprinted after him. "Aaaahjrfbueh!" she cried as she tackled him. They rolled down the stairs, still wrestling. "Maple!" the vegan's loyal team chorused. They peered over the balcony. "It's okay! I'm okay!" Maple assured them. She had pinned Fedora Tipper to the ground. After the team used their superpowers of logic and reason to convince Fedora Tipper to be a decent human being, they left the library. The sky was a vibrant shade of pink as they piled into Maple's blue Honda Fit. The warm California day had faded into a cool and breezy evening. "Hey Maple, how'd you manage to catch him so fast?" Pastel Goth asked. Maple shrugged. "Lots of cycling." "I'm starving!" Pilot Sun yawned. "I need to update my blog," Pastel Goth said, frantically pulling out her phone. "I love science!" Science Side exclaimed. MySpace Edgelord cried. Maple smiled. Her team of heroes had saved the day.

#short story

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