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#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity
puppyeared · 3 months
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mascot
#this isnt vent dw!!! i dont smoke either i was just kinda going for some sort of vibe#i know its usually played for laughs or like. dark humor whenever ppl draw mascots without their heads and u can see the actor#but i always found it fascinating and a little sobering. ever since i was a kid ive always been hyperaware of ppl in costumes#like. even if i tried to block it out id be thinking the whole time 'its not real. theres a person in that suit who gets paid to do this'#it used to be an uncomfortable nagging feeling but now its like. oh yeah theres someone with a whole life story doing this. idk#i think when i tell ppl im not conscious of my body its like. im not dysphoric or experience dissociation but. at the same time#it feels like my physical body doesnt fully outwardly represent me..?? like some sort of costume#i like to phrase it as being a giant hairless mecha and inside theres a very tiny puppy piloting the damn thing#and the other thing is. when i draw my sona i dont really see it as what i /wish/ i looked like or how i want people to see me#its like being in a costume and just. fucking around with some sort of barrier between myself and others#plus mascots arent allowed to talk and i dont really. engage with other ppl in public spaces that it kinda feels like ad lib#i share a lot abt my life but ironically im also a private person..... i guess it just gives me some sort of control over my identity#my art#myart#my oc#sona#mascot#furry#??? is this furry art????#twinkle#puppysona#edit: had to outline it bc i just realized it looks really weird on dark mode -_-
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venusmages · 4 years
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otp tag.
tagged by @solasan​, thank u!!!!!   tagging: @ritualism​ and @editoress​ i think all my other Wayhaven ppl have been @’d already
PENNY AND FELIX EDITION
DISAGREEMENTS.
who is more likely to raise their voice?
i neither! penny if i had to choose, but shes usually p good at keeping cool. and felix doesn’t seem like a shouty person anyways.
who threatens to leave but never actually does?
N/A
who actually keeps their word and leaves?
N/A
who trashes the house?
N/A
do either of them get physical?
N/A
how often do they argue/disagree?
i think their first disagreement is in book 2 when Felix got hurt during Sanja’s rescue. Penny feels super guilty about it and is worried Felix is brushing it off when he has a right to be upset. She’s kinda haunted by that whole situation and the choice she had to make. Other than that, they definitely never really argue. At most in the beginning Penny was just kind of oblivious/flippant because she’s socially awkward lol
who is the first to apologize?
both lmao
SEX.
who is on top? who is on bottom?
Felix is a little top  you cant convince me otherwise
any kinks?
not really
who has the strangest desires?
i think they’re mostly just cute in bed without anythnig crazy going on
who’s dominant in bed?
  FELIX!! in the cute ‘i got this’ kind of way. Penny’s shy so definitely not her.
is head ever in the equation?
duh
if so, who is better at performing it?
felix has the charisma but i think penny has the technique
ever had sex in public?
 they did almost fuck in nate’s library 
who moans the most?
Penny!  Felix thinks its cute
who leaves the most marks?
FELIX LOVES HICKIES. hes sad that they don’t last super long on him, but she tries anyway.
who is the more experienced of the two?
I think they’re pretty even actually
do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’?
latter
how long do they usually last?
im sure it varies
rough or soft?
soft!!
is protection used?
YES. penny is ON that shit. Though she wouldn’t be against having kids one day.
does it ever get boring?
nah they’re too cute and in gross cuddly love. Does felix look like he’d EVER get bored of the detective
where is the strangest place they’d have sex?
it didnt  happen but again, nates library. Penny was secretly kinda into it 
FAMILY.
do they plan on having children / do they have children?
 I don’t think either are seriously considering it for a while but Penny is a good 50/50 on it!
if so, how many children do they want/have?
just one, maybe two.
AFFECTION.
who likes to cuddle?
Felix! Penny’s a little more standoffish in general with physical affection, but she does love cuddling Felix. If he wants to cuddle she’s p much always down for it.
who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places?
Felix. Have you heard what that boy says
who struggles to keep their hands to themself?
Felix! Though only in private. He know’s Penny’s shy and its cute to do it when shes working or something. He likes playfully distracting her.
how long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable?
Probably for a good while, though Penny has a tendency to get antsy. Usually it just means her getting up and him happily following after her though
what is their favourite non-sexual activity?
video games! She showed him Animal Crossing and it was over
where is their favourite place to cuddle?
on the couch!
SLEEPING.
who snores?
Penny...
if both do, who snores the loudest?
Not loudly , but again penny.
do they share a bed or sleep separately?
they share a bed!
if they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart?
depends!
what do they wear to bed?
Penny wears pj shorts and a cotton shirt, pretty simple. Felix is probs similar
are either of them insomniacs?
Penny DEFINITELY is. Thankfully Felix doesn’t sleep a lot so she’s rarely disturbing him!
can sleeping pills be found by the bedside?
YEP. Especially after book 1, she started having nightmares.
do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side?
Felix is a koala.
who wakes up with bed hair?
Penny. Felix somehow always looks fucking perfect and she’d be jealous if she didn’t think it was so charming.
who wakes up first?
Penny. Even if Felix is just lazing about, she’s one of those responsible people or something.
who prepares breakfast in bed for the other?
Felix tried. keyword being tried. 
what is their favourite sleeping position?
Penny sleeps on her side and Felix clambers around either with one leg over her or spooning her usually.
do they set an alarm each night?
Penny does!
who has nightmares?
Both :(. Hard to tell with Felix how often for him
can a television be found in their bedroom?
Penny doesn’t have a TV
who has ridiculous dreams?
Felix for sure. Sometimes involving stuff pertaining to the Echo World and Penny is like ??? and he doesn’t know how to explain it.
who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed?
Felix
who makes the bed?
Felix, because he insists. Penny goes back and straightens it out
what time is bed time?
 bed by 1
any routines/rituals before bed?
felix insists on brushing their teeth together bc he thinks its cute (penny does too). its how she first actually got a glimpse of his fangs
who’s the grumpiest when they wake up?
neither! though felix DOES complain.
WORK.
who is the busiest?
penny. felix is  busy keeping himself from dying of boredom
who rakes in the highest income?
n/a
are any of them unemployed?
n/a
who takes the most sick days?
Penny, though very rarely. She usually saves them for days where she wants to work from home because the office got too overwhelming.
what are their jobs?
Vampire Agent vs Police Detective
who sucks up to their boss?
 Felix tries to charm Rebecca. Rebecca just sighs.
who is more likely to turn up late to work?
Felix. Got distracted
who stresses the most?
PENNY. though she usually takes things in stride, she’s a little up tight.
do they enjoy or despise their careers/occupations?
Penny is fine with being a detective and doubly fine with being an agent.
are they financially stable?
yeah!
HOME.
who does the washing?
Penny. We know what Felix’s stance is on laundry considering he hides his socks in Mason’s hamper.
who takes out the trash?
Felix , and he acts like a hero
who does the ironing?
Penny! She wears nice clothes that definitely would require ironing. 
who does the cooking?
Penny is a serviceable cook, though she tends to cook the same things. And sometimes still eats like a (healthier) college student because she doesn’t have the energy. Felix LOVES using it as an excuse to order food.
who is more likely to burn the house down just trying?
Felix.
who is messier?
Felix. More just disorganized
who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor?
Felix. Again, boy clearly hates laundry
who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere?
Neither. Unless Felix yoinked the keys - then they could be anywhere.
who answers the telephone?
FELIX. First ring, always. 
who mows the lawn?
city slickers for life so neither
who does the vacuuming?
both. felix likes doing it and danciing
who does the groceries?
Penny because felix will bring back a bunch of things they didnt need
who takes the longest to shower?
Penny. She uses so much water
who spends the most time in the bathroom?
neither!
MISCELLANEOUS.
is money a problem?
nah theyre secret agents
how many cars do they own?
just penny’s little clunker
what’s their song?
waterfalls coming out your mouth // violet hour (especially this one) // sugar
do they live in the city or in the country?
small town
do they own their home or do they rent?
penny’s renting but wouldn’t be against owning a little flat somewhere
do they enjoy their surroundings?
wayhaven is home and comfortable for penny! she was actually falling out of love for it before she got promoted, now she feels protective over it and the supernaturals shes now aware live there.
what do they do when they’re away from each other?
felix goes insane waiting until they can meet up again. penny is often thinking abt him but is eager to get work done so she can do it even sooner
where did they first meet?
abandoned warehouse in book one - though the first meeting SHE remembers is him kissing her on the hand... romance...
who spends the most money when out shopping?
i feel they both are pretty similar! Theyre Fashionable, though Pennys really good at budgeting.
who’s more likely to flash their assets?
listen it doesnt happen in canon but if you do the combat training route with felix he fucking puts your hands up his shirt
any mental issues?
penny has anxiety and has been diagnosed as autistic since she was, like, 12. felix clearly has some shit he’s not letting himself fully mourn but OKAY BUDDY
who finds it amusing when the other trips over? 
penny laughs when felix trips just because he’s like a beautiful ragdoll and always ‘saves’ himself in really funny ways. felix is such a prince charming i think he’d see her tripping more as an excuse to be dashing and handsome at her and save her from face planting than laugh. 
who’s terrified of bugs?
penny definitely isn’t. could see felix losing his shit over a spider.
who kills the spiders around the house?
PENNY. doesn’t kill them though.
do they have any fears for their future?
Penny’s worried that loved ones might get put into danger due to ... everything. Verda found out about vampires and wasn’t hyped, so she’s worried about their friendship and his saftey most of all. She’s also worried about making ‘tough’ choices like the one at the end of book 2. It’s not a pleasant dilemma.
their favourite place?
Penny’s apartment!
who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner?
felix FOR SURE
who pays the bills?
both, but penny set it all up on autopay bc felix would forget.
who’s the tallest?
Felix! He’s like what, 5′7-5′9? penny’s 5′3.
who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other?
Both! Penny’s shy when doing it but she loves felix’s reaction because he’s always super excited.
who wanders around in their underwear?
neither
who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio?
felix. duh
what do they tease each other about?
everything! penny teases felix over how energetic and goofy and ~suave~ he is. He teases penny over being bashful - but she actually teases him more! He teases her over ROMANTIC stuff.
who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times?
Penny. The waistcoat, Felix. Why. No
who crushed first?
FELIX DIDDDDDDD. Penny got flustered but is very :/ at relationships bc she struggles socially and the only serious relationship she had prior was fucking BOBBY. So she straight up doesn’t trust that felix is being genuine at first. Also she’s a lil bit oblivious.
any alcohol or substance related problems?
nope!
who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am?
neither
who swears the most?
probably felix, though I don’t think he swears a lot either?
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pepprs · 5 years
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[DONT RB] ok so there’s no way for me to talk abt this that isn’t gonna make me look like an absolute dumbass but im in the middle of a creative existential crisis and i rly need help figuring it out :•( this is gonna get SUPER LONG so im putting it under a readmore. thank u to anyone who reads this!!! and double thank u to anyone who can give some input / advice, i rly rly appreciate it. im sorry abt the length!
aight so for some background.... ive been drawing n writing poetry for abt 5 yrs now and both of those things r rly important to me. in school im an english major w a creative writing minor (for the poetry) and i work as a graphic designer (for the art) so ive been growing a lot as an artist and writer esp in the past 2 yrs and im kinda workin towards one or the other (or ideally both somehow!) as a career. one of the biggest dreams ive had since i started seriously pursuing both of these hobbies 5 yrs ago is to publish a book of poetry that i design / illustrate myself, and also to have a portfolio online where ppl can read all of my poetry and see all of my artwork (both professional / work stuff but also archives of all of my sketchbooks since those r rly important to me!!!) and maybe even make some sort of online shop where ppl can buy my art (stickers, keychains, etc!) and my poetry books!
that sounds pretty simple right? WRONG!!!!!! why? bc im a fucking idiot! and there are several dumb things i do that make this dream completely impossible for me to achieve! love that for me!
so for starters... ive been posting (almost) all of my art and ALL of my poetry online for all 5 yrs ive been creating it. that’s bad because:
ive hardly ever used my real name (which i would want to use for the book / shop / portfolio), it’s been under my usernames / aliases that go along w them (p*pe, pep, pea, etc and related usernames that shall not be mentioned) and i started going by my real first name only abt a yr ago, but still maintain those usernames for the most part in conjunction w my real name
my work has been primarily been posted to d*viantart and tumblr which aren’t exactly the most uh... professional places to do that. not that there rly are many i guess lmao but still
my online persona on these platforms is rly like. lax and loose which is Cool And Quirky when brought into a professional setting if it’s done right i guess.... but im just immature and unprofessional. i swear all the time, i shitpost constantly, im incessantly tmi? and that’s not even it like it’s just a whole mess!
SO there’s that whole set of problems and like im just concerned because... i stopped posting art online last yr for the most part and a lot of the old stuff that’s on dA (since that was rly where i did it most) is bad and not worth sharing like that anyways, so im not as worried abt that. but my poetry.... i still actively post that online in all my messiness and candidness here and like. it’s rly not that hard to find me? like if u copy a poem of mine and put it in google it’ll pull up my dA right away! and that’s like.... GOD i just am embarrassed for anyone irl to see that or for that to be connected with my irl / professional self in the future, but i don’t want to stop posting my work there (or here!!!!!) bc the community is so supportive and ive made some rly good connections / built a lot of traction over the 5 yrs ive been doing it. (PLUS for the online portfolio i wanna do specifically... i kinda want to post all of my art and poetry there, like everything ive ever done (specifically poetry, ive written almost 500 poems over the 5 yrs ive been doing it!), but i feel like that’s not rly the most professional thing to do and idk how to even gauge whether it is or not :-/)
but that’s not all!!!! because there’s another part to this and that is: the very nature of the content i produce is Not Good! for my art it’s not as much of a problem bc since I work as an artist rn a lot of what i make is professional, but for my personal art... a lot of that is either self portraits or my characters and a lot of my characters are like. animals. like specifically pepe (who is basically Me As A Cat).... i draw her constantly and so much of my best work is of her but it’s just like? embarrassing i guess for my ocs to take up so much of my portfolio and sketchbooks and stuff and share that. like i know everyone has characters and it’s not bad to do that and share that but i feel like ppl will judge me :-( so it’s made me rly hesitant to post stuff to my art ig for example bc i just don’t fucking know how to act, like it’s bad enough that i can’t type the way i want to and i have to type in proper caps n whatever instead bc irls i don’t know / trust as well follow me (including some ppl from work? Yikes?)....... but i feel like i can’t share my sketchbook stuff for example bc it’s all cats and my characters and visual shitposts and im uncomfy to share that bc like... im almost 20 and i don’t want ppl to think im immature or whatever? i kno i should feel like it’s my account and i can post wot i want but like. i fucking can’t bro i just can’t!!
and THEN.... my poetry. that’s the biggie bc like for my art? even tho im uncomfortable i don’t mind sharing that w ppl i know irl but for my POETRY.... it’s very easy to find like where i share that i guess? (the google thing i mentioned earlier but also its linked to my art on here and dA too... f) but i literally never actively share my writing w irl ppl unless im performing @ an open mic or workshopping in class bc im fucking terrified of the possibility of irl ppl finding my poetry. it’s almost ironic how public ive been w it online but how private i am abt it irl... it’s like im living a double life and it’s fucking terrible but it’s the only way i feel safe. bc like art is what i do for other ppl and also to destress and vent when i need a quick fix on my own time. but poetry.... that’s personal, it’s where i feel most like myself, it’s how i talk abt my life and ppl in it and make meaning of things and talk abt things authentically and Get Deep. and my literal worst nightmare is for ppl (who have the explicit ability to by virtue of Knowing Me) to read into it and Understand what im talking abt and have that power over me and see me differently for feeling the way i do or doing what i do. ive actually already been burned by this before after my mom read some work of mine that had been published irl (i don’t want to get too into it but basically i retroactively outed myself thru her reading that poem for what it was and it was Very Very Bad) and as paranoid abt it as i was before, it’s even worse now that it’s actually happened to me and could happen again at any time, esp if i decide to take my work further.
that manifests in a few ways too, like my writing is so cryptic and vague and very heavy on metaphors / symbolism and shit partially out of that deep fear and need to shield myself and my work. sometimes in spaces where i do feel comfy sharing, ppl have a hard time understanding my poetry unless i give context. online and on stage and in workshop ppl don’t rly know me outside of a context where the only thing we have in common is self expression thru poetry, so i don’t rly mind sharing more when it’s appropriate. but if i were to share my work as a book or w/e, ppl im close to (who maybe don’t always think like a poet / artist does bc they aren’t that) would want to buy it and read it and might ask abt what it means and i don’t even know what i would do in that situation. and if ppl were to read my work and see themselves / others in it, whether it is abt them or not, im scared it could genuinely damage relationships like it did with my mom.
SO UH.... idk where im going w this rly, i kno it’s long and rambly and melodramatic and im probably overthinking it and making a mountain out of a molehill and nobody even knows / cares abt me AND my work @ the same time enough to read That Deep into it. but it just fucking sucks that im so uncomfortable and insecure that i can’t comfortably fulfill literally the one single long term goal / life dream that i have. andthe thing that sucks is i can’t talk to Anybody abt this except like... my sister and brother bc they’re the only ppl i genuinely tell everything to, but they don’t have the knowledge and expertise abt art / poetry that like... my poetry prof does, for example. and my poetry prof is one of the best ppl ive ever met and the Only person ive ever met irl who respects and understands my poetry in the exact way i need someone to. she and i have been talking and she rly wants to help me publish my poetry bc she sees merit in my work and knows how bad i want to / how successful it’s been already, but i don’t know how to talk abt this to her bc im embarrassed to tell her abt posting online and being ashamed abt my muses and all that and it just!!! sucks so much bc i kinda want to publish my work @ least once before i graduate and do it semi regularly for the rest of my life? but there’s so much in my way and it’s just! FGGFHDGJGGGG
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