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#i mean within in the context of how i usually write bones jim didnt want to tell him at first becaus i write bones as being an sa survivor
anxiously-going · 2 months
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#i had an uncomfortable realization this afternoon#i think part of what makes me uncomfortable with more...intimate versions of mckirk is because the age gap there#is similar to the age gap between myself and two of the people that abused me#of course i recognize that the context is wildly different there#two consenting adults vs one minor being incredibly inappropriate with a much younger minor who was unable to consent in any way#but i think even just that very minor piece of pattern recognition is enough to get my hackles raised#because it's not about the characters themselves there has been nothing in bones character to ever indicate that kind of malice#its nothing to do with the actual ship or characters it's literally just the age gap that every once in a while just makes my insides squirm#i dont think i would have ever had the realization at all if i hadnt had a nightmare about jim being attacked and assulted last night#bones wasnt even in the dream it was just a couple of older officers but it kept replaying in my brain till i wrote out the aftermath#and getting him patched up and it was the context of jim going through a similar trauma to mine and coming to me for help#that i connected the dots#i mean within in the context of how i usually write bones jim didnt want to tell him at first becaus i write bones as being an sa survivor#and jim didnt want to trigger him in all of this so he asked me for help instead#but writing him going to someone closer to his own age over some closer to the age of the people who hurt him kind of connected the dots#it's definitely a me issue and its not actually anything to do with the characters or the ship in general#its just a really unfortunate happenstance
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