Last night was really amazing but seeing FOB play Fake Out right before I'm basically beimg forced to take a 3.5 week leave from work because I had a full on mental break and have been experiencing some of the worst Symptoms in my life was. Honestly so so so needed. I've been so on this nebulous place where I'll be "done" with therapy and "ready" to handle all these things but like. Even this break most people I've talked to (therapist included) have basically said it's not only understandable but they're surprised it didn't come sooner with my past trends???? So it's like I'm doing this insane reconciling with the fact that I AM in fact much better than I once was. And I also still have full on dissociative episodes and severe issues with my personality disorder. Which is. Duh.

Anyway. Last night listening to Fake Out it like finally clicked in my head that like, yeah, I do still need more therapy and maybe will forever and MAYBE that is okay because even despite all of thay every year I run more to the things I love with more passion and more clarity than ever.