#i love this band and itd break my heart if any of this is true
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I feel like I should preface with this: I stand with victims of sexual assault, and in any case, I'm inclined to believe the victim over the accused assaulter. I know how hard it can be for people to come forward with this kind of thing, and how oppressing and silencing it can be from the accused. That being said, I have some devil's advocate things to say about ATL's allegations that started I think in 2021.
I was aware of the allegations when they first came out (I'm not on Twitter, so I found out through ATL's post refusing the claims on Instagram), and I basically just took a personal hiatus from the band without doing much research. I just read the Rolling Stones article about it, written in February of 2022 (I think), and they've covered all of what's happening, including ATL taking this to court. I recommend reading the article yourself, I found it to be very enlightening and interesting.
My first thing to say, which apparently lots of people have said, is the issue about there being 97 accusations. I'm torn between that being a ridiculous number, and the fact that this band has been around for a long time, and they have a lot of reach. Regardless, it's highly unlikely that every single accusation is false, so even if 97 is an exaggerated number, that doesn't mean it's okay to disregard this entirely. The odds of some of them being true are pretty high.
Also, there's no denying the band has been raunchy/creepy (their bra collection a wonderful example from a predominantly young and female audience), and Jack has been the biggest contributor to that. He's been the most inappropriate for the longest time, and I'm not sure how much he's outgrown that, simply because I haven't been keeping up with that much.
Now, I think it's worth pointing out that these guys formed this band while they were still in high school. They were teenagers when this started, and growing up like they have can't have been easy. If the allegations are false, it's easy to see how they might've had a difficult time growing up, and from what I know of men, childish humor can linger for a while (not saying this as a bad thing). I'm not stating this as fact because I simply don't know if this is the case or not.
If you read the Rolling Stones article, there was a Twitter poster who mentioned how Jack had signed his name on her boobs when she was 14 (he was an adult but I don't remember how old). She recalled how creepy this is, and how girls in the scene community are oversexualized, and I saw somewhere else mention all the mysoginistic lyrics songs in this community have. The poster I mentioned said she doesn't have personal feelings about what happened, just that it isn't okay. She also said she wishes the band made a statement of how they were young too, and reckless, and they may have harmed their fans in ways they didn't mean to, as opposed to what they're doing now, which is acting as if they've never done anything remotely controversial (which I think we can all agree isn't true). I agree with her on that, but it's also easy for me to do so.
Now, if even one of the allegations is true, that's one too many. The fact that these allegations are occurring at all is a red flag for me, because I find it unlikely that ATL fans would make these accusations without any inkling of truth - though I guess you never can tell with people. The Rolling Stones article mentioned one of the accusers essentially taking back what they said as they were just being petty with a peer (I think in the accuser's own words) and the accusations were false. For the person who said there are 97 allegations, I haven't seen any proof of there actually being this many, and no evidence brought up by the person who said this. It could be people went back on their word because they felt threatened or were attacked by fans, which we know is very likely. Again, I think this is something to consider.
Until we get the results of this court case, I'll probably keep my distance. I love this band, but I'm uncomfortable with all of this, and I just can't bring myself to support them in case any of this is true. They seem confident that every allegation is false, and I hope they are, but I also can't ignore potential victims, so this is the best I can do. If anyone else is on the fence, this is my advice to you - keep updated, trust the victims, and be open-minded.
For those of you who have written off this band entirely, that's valid. If you don't care about a single word I wrote, okay. I'm in a place, after much consideration, to take the stance I've taken here, and I might be wrong, and I'm fine with that. If you don't have any tolerance for this, that's totally fair, and I'm not trying to change your mind. Just please don't attack me for that, because I think about this a lot and I struggle with it just fine without some random people I'll never meet calling me horrible or an apologist for it. Do what you gotta do in the wake of all this.
#all time low allegations#s#all time low#a lot to go over here which is why i didn't do a tldr#you're entitled to what you're feeling hete#i might change my mind but that'll be on my terms#im boycotting them for now but i remain hopeful that these allegations sre false#i love this band and itd break my heart if any of this is true#alex gaskarth#jack barakat#rian dawson#zack merrick#atl
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so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -
this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe
like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence .... but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing
ok this will get long so cut it is
how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it
i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe
i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling
was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character
and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK
related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺
ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no
they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn
everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)
loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad
also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time
overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out
THE PARALELOGRAMS
fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting
but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?
i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh
interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that
plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse
like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured.
like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain
his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups
weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot” that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird.
especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN
also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually
the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them
tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute
also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him
i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic
. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased
johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong!
but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn
Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid
case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up
billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene
seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit
also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!
i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better
martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it
love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again
“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT
also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait
seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know
interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that?
like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls
and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)
feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses
the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior
the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK
that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.
the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is
like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation, and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like Like them, as in, personality wise
like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues,
which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far
robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is
hawk............... is there i guess,
demetri is annoying in the best way possible,
carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.
aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her
moon the bi icon,
overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast
the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight
and honestly some sam/tory miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying!
also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .
and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses?
robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.
LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun
bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more
tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :(
the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good
i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon
also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean
also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic
when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show
when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers
also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts
AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD
i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that but oke
daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging
JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER
daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass
parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now
“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched
this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg
everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers
also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting?? ? ?? ?? ? ? ? ?? ? ? girl??
stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((
sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture... uwu maybe
robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@ johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart.
also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY
i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break
ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK
so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐
and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out
miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold
also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH
ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd
final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!
#m.#did i procrastinate watching this since it came out and only watched it now bc my sister nagged me to when i said we should#watch karate kid over the holidays?#and then binged the whole thing in two days??#mayhaps and what abt it#cobra kai#the karate kid#its funn#y bc like karate kid is a Childhood movie but i wouldnt say#it was like particularly special for me?#like i wasnt in a fandom or anything#but now.#i might be invested#maybe#talvez
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I would love to hear your true passionate feelings on dear ol Alex from Stardew valley.
a single ask meme is not enough to encompass all my thoughts and feelings about alexander joshua mullner but its cute that u think it could
favorite thing about them: everythingleast favorite thing about them: concernedape’s writing can be less than stellar sometimes. also his taste in food is garbage like what did he mention in the 8 heart cutscene??? salted beet sandwiches or whatever the fuck??? bro is ur tongue okfavorite line: ykno in the 8 heart cutscene when u basically say “if ur ever lonely im here for u” and alex gets all flustered like “ur not like other guys…. ur more sensitive,,,,, im glad” that that that hes so cute,,,,, also his 10 heart cutscene in its entirety. hes precious.brOTP: i love haley as having like a sibling dynamic w alex but like honestly? a band trio and alex friendship would probably be really funny and good. imagine seb trying to explain dnd to him and him not really getting it but trying his best. sam trying to engage in any kind of sportball and breaking a window. abby and alex being stupidly competitive w eachother. theyd level the goddamn town itd be greatOTP: me x alex fuck u thats my husband motherfuckernOTP: shane/alex or penny/alex probably. dont like haley/alex either. they all leave bad tastes in my mouth and i genuinely dont think shane penny or haley would be Actually very compatible w alex yknorandom headcanon: when alex first moved in w his grandparents dusty was allowed in the house but after tracking mud everywhere and probably breaking a vase george had a pen and an old crate set up so dusty could stay outside. alex was incredibly upset abt thisunpopular opinion: alex’s story arc is more interesting than shane’s. like not to pit two Kings™ against eachother or w/e but like. shane’s story is pretty bare bones and bland to me even with the admittedly depressing and concerning themes of depression and suicidal ideation, while alex seems like a more realistic and interesting arc from being a rude self absorbed jock to a sympathetic and deep down pretty sweet himbo, even with the aforementioned mild to moderate writing problemssong i associate with them: i refuse to reveal my shit music taste to the worldfavorite picture of them: all of them. every picture of alex is a good picture. his blushing portrait in particular is extremely cute tho
i hadda doodle He
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i forgot to copy andpste the rules fuckjdjh anwyay taged by @younghyuuns and @pupcats :D thank u guys for tagging me i havent done this in ages
tagging: @minhyukwithagun (just saw ur new icon ffuck) @briwoon and @tokayhk u guys dont have to tho ily all oh also @hyunghoney and @hyungkyunnie and @minhyukt suddenly im tagging everyone u guys dont have to do it either ily toohdjh
last:
drink: water hddhh im so happie to hear everyones answer is water too stay fresh
phone call: ................ oh my mum i was gonna say i dont call ppl but she called the house phone yesterday
text message: ‘what’ jhddsjhjhsh
song you listened to: beside you by 5so/s im wheesinghs falen kdhs
time you cried: really cried??? january on a thursday aka last month i broke down in school djhhsjh schools the place i cry the most i couldnt go through one month without breaking downdjhdhs every year i have 2 cry there at least once apparently jesushdjs
have you ever:
dated someone twice: i havent even dated anyone once
been cheated on: see above
kissed someone and regretted it: see above
lost someone special: immmdmfmmdkks i guess not? in terms of friends they were special but not anymore so i guess that doesnt count
been depressed: nope
been drunk and thrown up: in this house we only drink water
in the past year have you:
made a new friend: heck yeah? i made so many good pals after revamping this blog im so happie :(
fallen out of love: no lol i stopped having this crush on this person at the end of 2016 best decision of my life
laughed until you cried: one too many times but i cant remember any ;-/
met someone who changed you: falen?? but everyone has an effect on mehjd
found out who your true friends are: well . yeah
found out someone was talking about you: idk i dont rememberjhdhjhs i dont care enough
general:
how many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: only karissa and she doenst even use tumblr much ;-/
do you have any pets?: i wish i did D: but not now.. jsjd maybe when im out of this country/place
do you want to change your name?: ifjkksj not rly..??????? i just hated it for a while when i was younger bc i didnt like the nicknames that came with my namejhddh
what time did you wake up this morning: 11am fuck my life
what were you doing last night: giffing :D and then i gave up bc it started messing up so i went to bed
name something you cannot wait for: school to start bc im excited since its a whole new jhhdhsh thng? but im also terrified im learning physics theres a reason why i took biology instead man my course is called biotechnology nothhjjhhjjhsjhhf physics dont interact
have you ever talked to a person named tom?: the only tom i know is tom from tom and jerry
what’s getting on your nerves right now: the gifs
blood type: a emoji
nickname: when ging said her answer i lost my mind how many of you arent using ur real names tf... does ging stand for ginger also this question is about me hold onfjdhhhjshd uh egg and meggan i guess? nutfucker toojhdjhhjdh bc that was my ig name so irl ppl would call me that and embarrass me thanks or just nut because of that username too
relationship status: never dated thank god
zodiac sign: capricorn sun and taurus moon im the .optimum dirt call me soil hdjsh also i showed ayesha my chart and she lost her mind saying the reason why i say oh worm so much is bc im like 50% earth i couldnt stop laughing tumblr install a filter search function in chats i need to dig that up
pronouns: she/her
favorite show: haikyuu i aint gonna stop loving u bitch
college: idk what this means either im not gonna tell yall my school im gonna be doing biotechnology tho trust me i dont know what the fuck that course is about im a fool all i know is that it has to do with cells [changkyun voice] well its cells
hair color: black but i like to think its brown
do you have a crush on someone: crushes and the whole. love game is cursed
what do you like about yourself: i learn... from my mistakes i guess idk also im generally friendly . ...
firsts:
first surgery: none
first piercing: none im a [redacted]
first sport you joined: fucking. golf or swimming or tennis i used to be all about sports now i just. walk
first vacation: probably malaysia
first pair of sneakers: converse which i used to deem as clown shoes ... now all i wear are converse dkhhdshj
right now:
eating: amylase
drinking: nothing i need to drink water im thirsty hold on stay hydrated if ur reading this drink some water
i’m about to: pee i need to go,
listening to: spotify ad time hates me. ill go back to this later oh wait this isnt a spotify ad anymore scavenger by finish ticket who r they? idk either my friend recommends me songs and theyre good but by bands ive never heard of
want kids: no iwnt animals
get married: marriage ? sounds phake
career: ive been saying this since 2016 but farmer
which is better:
lips or eyes: i hate myself i read lips and thought of l** m*nhyuk ;-/ singularity’s impact! and nojhhsjjhdh idk? fucking both i guess ??????? i dont look at peoples faces often
hugs or kisses: depends on the kiss but i love huggingjdhjhd i dont think. id be able to hug certain people tho? which is weird im fine with likejhdhjsjh hugging this person (usually happens when we’re watching movies bc djdkjjs im a [redacted] again so i have to hide my eyes) but i cant imagine myself.. hugging my other friendshjhdh??? idk itd be awkward ig
shorter or taller: taller ! love me that height if ur below 165 cm dont talk to me
older or younger: older ???? or my age idk
romantic or spontaneous: spontaneous im always like this with my friendsjhfhjhdh me: hey lets walk there instead my friends: ready tof ucking kill me
sensitive or loud: a ? a mediudndjs like... an in between
hookup or relationship: preferably nothing but relationship of coursehjhd
troublemaker or hesitant: an inbetween jjdshjshd?? idk shit lads
have you ever:
kissed a stranger: nope
drank hard liquor: drank sparkling water once it counts
lost contacts/glasses: no im so blind they always have to be on my fucking face
sex on first date: sex never .
broken someone’s heart: yeah but when i was kid so it probably didnt mean much
been arrested: iddjsh i was gonna joke but i cant think of anything so no
turned someone down: jhdhhdjs yeah but mostly like hangouts?? hdjhd not like dates and shit
fallen for a friend: let me think the first girl i liked wasnt a friend but when we became friends i was like o womrie nvm but she did help me realize im Not straight as did tumblr which even tho i constantly insult it helped me a lot fjdhjhs but my two crushes after were on my friends ;-/ my first crush unfortunately on a guyddhhs wasnt my friend either tho damn now u guys know my whole backstory :D
do you believe:
in yourself: sometimes bitch has 2 get those grades man
miracles: yes you (love live) please come home........ ... ....
love at first sight: dam. was gonna talk abt anime again but hjhdhshj no ? i guess not maybe like wow ur attractive at first sight but thats it
if u read until the end thank u ur the realest have a good day!!!!!
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1-21-18
Yesterday was so busy at work I slept until 2:30pm today...I was still able to get one thought in before I passed out & that was me calling you my bf on the phone. I didn't mean to do that. I am trying to find out where to move to. If I stay here or go to South Carolina. I like it here and I don't want to be away from my siblings bc so much bs happened months after I moved to Colorado and I hated not being there 😞
I know we aren't dating. Honestly Alan, I have expected you to be with other people this whole time. Just like Valentyne giving you trust issues, you have given me them as well. You say you live in the present, but that's really contradicting when you're comparing me to that cunt in any aspect. Even if you don't fuck someone as soon as you get out- I'm going to get old. And if you need new pussy/ arm candy, like you do $ I have no luck. So please don't sugar coat your intentions and lie to me. I'm sorry I hurt you but to be honest with you; I never expected to end up in a relationship with you. Read this draft I found the other day about you
"1-16-13 when i said id stop talking to you you said shit happens-you said you would of neverrr been with me if makayla lived closer-you said shit happens if you get put back into foster care-you dont care if ppl are in your life or not-you walk away easily-you get pissed off easily-you get closer to me then ignore me and sometimes tell me you want to be done-you called me a bitch and you wouldnt sit in the back with me for whatever reason when we went to detroit then you fucked me at whits gmas..why do you think i slept on the couch?-you barely text me or talk when we hang out-you dont explain yourself all that much anymore-you like being right too much or proving your point :p-you rather be pissed off then fix it, even if what you heard was a rumor
you know me-i could tell you anything-you like the things people hate-youre real, sometimes-you see life the same way i do i think-you can be a gentlemen and drive or wipe off my car or just be sweet or cute-we have a five second rebound with each other-youre honest-you dont like getting close to people-youre stubborn-youre so adorable 🙂 <3-im scared that youll just walk away and be able to do it like i was nothing-you make me feel special when you say some of the things about why you like me & how i make you feel-you make me happy the way not a lot of people can-you play xbox too much and you arent social-youre playful-youre cute with kids-you do you and you dont change for people or around people-you always mess with me and attempt to give me hickies!!!!-you warn me and mess with my head-and you give up on a lot so easily-but i always have fun with you laughing and smiling
ill never meet another you thats for sure
and youve taught me how to be more independent and not put up with shit
even though i put up with a lot of your damn shit lol
i dont think we will date or ever get along all that well, itd never work i feel like but i wanted you to ask me out so badly especially when i found out you were going to! But im happy i met you even if youve made me feel really shitty before you were def one of those people to come into my life to learn from them. I trust you and I trust you with my happiness so I hope we can just make the best out of everything."
Alan, I don't expect anything from you. I do appreciate you and value you so much. But we were never suppose to be together, we are each others soul mates and all that we have done and continue to do is teach each other. I made all these videos this past year, talking about the shit you'd say to me while visiting. Saying to myself that we aren't going to work out 😞 even if I excuse all of the past, you still say shit that isn't okay. I've mentioned everything before so I'm not going to sit here and play the blame game. I know I did this. I sacrificed everything hoping you'd change your views on everything in your life. Values & thoughts. I couldn't do anything to help you see the beauty in this world or even within myself. Bc nothing is enough for you to be happy and satisfied. I am going to mail out everything I read today back in October. You won't want to read once you're out lol. It'll explain so much to you. I appreciate you telling me how you feel and I'm glad you're saying it before you get out. "You need to figure out where and who is best for you and do it." It's not that easy bc the bigger picture isn't about me and my feelings. I gave in and went to see you last month....but I know that all that we go through is a lesson that we are suppose to learn from in this life. Our souls have been through many lifetimes and ALL of our souls have to find our divine purpose in each life/ journey they encounter. We are just in the skin of two souls that have been together in past lives. Just like I said at 17 yos you are someone I am suppose to learn from.
What do you mean about learning from my actions, even my picture perfect as? lol. I know it wasn't smart, I had a feeling that something was going to happen. But I'm wreckless and destructive. I consider as my future as well, but I'm still only relying on myself. Which is the way it should be... but I have always known that I was going to be alone, doing my own thing; living in my own world on this journey. I don't hold anything to anyone. I don't anticipate on people staying or even being the person I project them out to be. And I own my own pain that I self inflicted. I accept that chance & still see people for the beautiful, imperfect human being that they are. People are worth the pain. You are worth the chance. "You can't change someone that doesn't want to change for themself." That just shattered so much hope I had for you. I just want the best for you and for you to be positive and happy. Meditating, eating well, healthy, HAPPY. But idk how to do that for you and the more I try the more my heart keeps breaking. And I keep surprising myself. I think that I can't hurt more, but it's never true. I know it all happens for a reason Alan. I'm trying to be as strong as you've taught me to be. Angel told me I had darkness in me that doesn't belong to me. I hold this cloud too no matter how much I try to shine. There's negative in everyone but you drive to the bad instead of ever being optimistic and seeing the good. You'll see in my letter... being aware and knowledgeable makes you more prone to being sad and having no hope. A new girl at the candlelab, Arin, is just like me. She went to Australia and Australians were shocked over how many ppl are depressed and have anxiety in America. She says they don't touch the food we eat everyday. She says it's the food- sugar and pesticides. America is so far up it's own ass we don't see how shitty everything actually is here. so unauthentic. I believe in karma. But beyond religion, what we believe in, luck or karma- all that matters is how we deal with it. I just ram into so much in my life that I am trying to be more gentle to myself and my feelings. I have been trying to mend myself so much lately. Learn how to handle this. Idk how moms deal with soooo much negativity and crazy shit that happens within her family. Like meme and my mom. So much makes sense to me now. I know nothing makes you happy Alan. Not even me, and everytime you let me go- bc you say "you know you aren't good enough" I run back. Even though I can't love you through it, I still try to pour all of me into you. Because I love you. But both of us are so exhausted already. What's the meaning to life? Being in the present, self love...we destroy our planet and all that we have is this earth. There must be other planets with living organisms. Who knows why we are here. Ppl have babies to try to make themselves feel better and be happy. But the world is so corrupt why keep us around? I'm just sleeping and moving, I'm not "living." Being a virgo my purpose is "I serve." That's literally what life consists of and I actually 100% agree with that and know its true. Aries is "I am." Tbh with you you are the only reason why I want to live and it shouldn't be that way. You have too much power over me and no matter how much I want to trust..I just can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not letting myself have the strength to go on on my own </3.It's time. I'm thankful for the trees and that I can swim. I just want to swim away. Just keep swimming for the rest of my life....what's happiness? What's the purpose of life? Self love. That's all that I got. All that I have left. All that I'm trying to get to. I hope everything goes good for your out date too. I don't think we should we fuck. And I understand if you want to be with other people. I've been slowly peeling off the band aid and it's time to rip it off.
I still want to pick you up but I can’t sleep with you. You’re my best friend but I don’t want to lie to myself or you. You know I’m not your future. Are both of us suppose to walk alone our whole lives? You know you got me wrapped around your finger. Do you have to let it linger? I’m sorry I hurt you. I hope all that I’ve done has helped you begin your spiritual journey to the light. Happiness, optimism, self love & rightousness. You’re definitely the reason for mine. Crying all day.
You’ll be out here so soon. Taking on the world and conquering it...I love you warrior.
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