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lnkent · 5 years

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I sort of need to vent a bit.

I really need to get a job. And it’s not for lack of trying. I have a ‘concurso’ (aka a test to became a university professor) next week, and I have participated on many the last 2 years. But they are SO damn hard. You have to study things you haven’t read anything about since your masters (I have a phd), a written text, and if you pass that then you have to give a class on this subject, only then will your resume be looked at.

It’s very hard, and the last one I participated had 400 people for only 1 spot, aka one teaching chair. only 6 people went to the second round of tests.

As I said. It is really hard.

And private universities are not hiring, and our country is a mess, with a fascist president who has declared war on education (especially on universities and university students and professors, as well as everyone in Academia).

And added to this pressure, the lack of job means I depend on my parents to survive (and to get tickets and hotels to go to the cities the concursos are at). There is also the fact that my dad believes the fascist bastard who (pretends to) runs the country.

My dad has been emotionally abusive ALL MY LIVE. But the past 6 months have been unbearable. My mom wants me to go to a psychiatrist (which I happily would) but I told her I’d only go if he went too. Because the truth of the matter is : I have already done this and when I was starting to get better and notice why I had this issues (aka. my dad’s emotional violence) he stopped paying for it. Making it so there was NO WAY I could continue. They MADE ME GO, because they thought I was depressed (they always think that because I see things as they are and do not pretend everything is fine when it clearly isnt), and then simply CUT IT OFF when I clearly still needed it. Claiming there was no need for it anymore since I didn’t cry at every stupid bullshit violent thing my dad or my brother (who now repeats my dads actions) said.

Ok. all of this just to say

today, my dad made this awful uncalled for, and weird comment about my aunt. To which I replied to angrily. She had asked my cousin what he had for lunch in a family whatsapp, since he posted a picture of his birthday cake at another uncle’s house- he lives in a different city than his mother. He said: “Why is she asking what he’s having for lunch for?” in this really condescending and horrible voice. I, looking at the whatsapp group and noticing his tone, replied angrily that she could ask whatever she wanted, and sort of went on a rant about him asking me and my brother what we ate ALL THE TIME.

The thing is. He asked in that condescending tone because my aunt happens to be a vegetarian, and her son might as well be (I don’t know if he is), so when she saw a picture of him eating in the house of a person who eats a lot of meat, she worried about what her son ate. A very normal things for parents.

But my dad likes to say idiotic crap about people because of who they are. I long ago made him realize saying racist and homophobic shit around me was NOT ok, BUT OUR STUPID PRESIDENT IS A STUPID RACIST/HOMOPHOBIC/FASCIST idiot, and my dad looks up to him.

And now, hours later, I feel like it was MY FAULT, as if I had done something wrong, because he did what he always does as a reply to everything. He shut up. And I bet he is right now telling my brother what an awful person I am, when really, I have been putting up with this crap all my life and I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

He hasn’t even upologized for voting for a dude WHO WANTS TO EXTINGUISH MY PROFESSION. (I am a historian with a phd in womens history and a master on feminist studies --- with the exception of being black and gay, I am everything fascists hates, added to that, I am the person who will educated the next generation that YES, NAZISM IS A RIGHT WING movement, not the revisionist crap fascist want us to teach, like that the brazilian military dictatorship was a “revolution”, when it as a coup d’etat.

To be honestly. Along with my dad LYING to me about a month ago (the sort of lie whatsapp groups keep sending people and no one checks but is clearly a lie, so when he said it to me he either knew it was a lie, or knew that I would have significant proof to disprove him- which I didn’t because it upset me so much I had no words for him, and had to cry and leave the room while our former exchange student from 10 years ago watched since he was visiting us). I simply cannot forgive this. And it’s killing me because I have to put up with this crap, and then have a test in witch the subject will literary be fascism, and racism.

At least I don’t have to live in that horrible house anymore.

But I need to get a job, and his actions piss me off so much I can’t study. It’s literally making me ill. And then he goes and tells his friends how I am a bad daughter and I just want them all to fuck themselves because they keep sending him lies and he is not bright enough to notice. So I have to live with a stupid father who believes crap written by fascists, that have no actual proof or fact behing them.

fuck bolsonoshslflnfas and all his crap and all his followers and anyone who still belives that he is not a liar who cheats people of their money and freedom.

#sorry. I needed this out.#if I don't take this out of me I don't know how I'll do the test on friday #and there's still so much to study. I don't think I'll ever get around to read all of it.

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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take back (shalaska + teen!aquaria) - DanFin

A/N: The title can be misleading. This doesn’t focus on Shalaska a lot or Aquaria’s relationship with Sharon and/or Alaska. It’s just hinted at. This mainly focuses on Aquaria’s relationship with her sister, Ella. A pal of mine made Ella up. Said pal wanted me to write this. Enjoy!

Also: there are some harsh comments in this, so if that bothers you, don’t read. (For example, a character it told that they are unnatural and shouldn’t be alive.)

Ella sprinted out of the school building as the principal announced that school was dismissed over the intercom system. She wanted to get out of school before they spotted her. She felt like a gazelle trying to escape a three cheetahs; three very aggressive cheetahs named Patrick, Jack, and Ava.

She smiled when she saw her older sister, Aquaria, outside. She knew she would be protected if she was around her. Nobody in the school dared to mess with Aquaria. She was the second most popular kid in the school! - She also had a mother that wasn’t afraid to kick a teenaged boy’s ass. -

“Aquaria!” Ella shouted as she got closer to the older girl. “Wait for me!”

Aquaria halted and looked behind her. She smiled at the sight of her sister. She figured it was Ella running after her. Even though she refused to show it, she always missed Ella being with during the school day.

“How was your day?” Aquaria asked once her younger sister had caught up to her. The two girls began to walk slowly towards their home.

“It was…eventful, but somewhat good,” Ella replied. “I got to hang out with Scout and their friend, Keegan. Then the three hellhounds got after us.” She sighed sadly and looked down as she walked. She didn’t want to see Aquaria’s expression; she knew it would either be stern or concerned.

“What did they do?” Aquaria asked. She had heard these so-called “hellhounds” had given Ella trouble in the past. - She began to see it as bullying. - She wondered how bad their bullying was.

Ella bit her lip and rubbed her arm. Should I tell Aquaria? I mean, I have before, but that was before Jack, Patrick, and Ava decided to attack me while I was with my friends. She thought to herself. She kept her gaze to the ground.

“Ella..?”

“Hmm?” Ella finally looked up at Aquaria. She saw a concerned expression. It made her feel weird. She didn’t like to see her sister express anything except happiness or pride.

“What did they do?” Aquaria repeated. She was referring to the people Ella addressed as “hellhounds.” She was determined to find out what they did this time.

“Well, they, um, they did attack me while I was with Scout and Keegan. They said that our whole family is damned and… we’re unnatural… and we shouldn’t be the way we are… and we shouldn’t even exist,” Ella explained.

She wasn’t very comfortable with talking about this. She hated it when people judged or bullied her because of her family and how she was brought into the world. She wished people understood that not everyone has a mom and a dad and not everyone lives with or knows both of their birth parents.

Aquaria gasped when she heard the words coming out of her younger sister’s mouth. She didn’t know teens could be that awful. - Probably because she was involved with the popular crowd. - “Ella, you have to tell someone,” she said. She was smart enough to know that Ella didn’t need to hide this anymore. If she did, it would only get worse.

Ella shook her head vigorously, “No! I don’t!”

“Not even Mom or Mama?” Aquaria asked. She was certain Ella trusted their own mothers enough to report bullying to them.

“Not even them,” Ella replied. She knew her Mom, Sharon, would flip. Sharon wasn’t scared to hurt anyone that hurt her babies or wife; she was very protective of them. Even two-hundred to three-hundred pound boys that play American football and basketball were in danger if they laid a cross hand on Ella, Aquaria, or Alaska.

Aquaria wouldn’t let this stand. “Then I have no choice but to tell them myself,” she stated. She knew their parents had to be informed before the bullying got much worse. The bullies were telling Ella that she shouldn’t exist; it was only a matter of time until she would start believing them. That scared Aquaria more than anything.

Ella stopped abruptly with a huff. She glared at Aquaria. “You will not tell our parents! If you love me, you’ll accept my requests and keep your damn mouth shut!” Ella continued to glare at her older sister. She couldn’t believe Aquaria would turn her back on her like that. They had always promised to keep each other’s secrets, no matter what.

“I’m telling them because I love you!” Aquaria exclaimed. “I’m trying to help you, I promise! I can’t lose you, don’t you understand that?”

Ella huffed and walked ahead of her sister. She was too angry to speak. She didn’t want to waste her breath on Aquaria right now, anyways.

Later that night, after dinner, Ella was in her room while Alaska, Sharon, and Aquaria were in the kitchen. Ella didn’t know if she could be around them right now without accidentally mentioning the bullies. So, isolating herself in her room was a great solution.

Aquaria had other plans for Ella. She pulled herself up to sit on a countertop in the kitchen. She had Sharon and Alaska’s attention. She bit her lip and looked at the ground. “Mom, there’s something we need to talk about,” she said nervously.

“What is it?” Sharon asked. She stood in front of Aquaria. Alaska stood next to her. Is she being bullied? Is she pregnant? Did she and Maxwell break up? Sharon wondered.

“It’s about Ella,” Aquaria replied. She knew she was betraying her sister, but it was for the best. Ella would thank her later. “Ella is being bullied.” She finally let out the breath she didn’t realise she was holding.

Sharon’s eyes widened and she gasped. How could someone be bullying Ella? Ella wouldn’t hurt a fly! She’s the sweetest kid I know! “What?! Has she told you?” Sharon asked Aquaria. Aquaria nodded in reply.

“Do you know who is bullying her?” Alaska asked. She knows if you know who the bully is, you can stop it. She doesn’t want Ella to go through anymore bullying.

“She’s mentioned the names Patrick, Jack, and Ava before, maybe it’s them,” Aquaria replied. “She always runs away from them. I know all three of them are homophobic.” She had run into Patrick before, and it was not a pleasant experience.

Alaska looked to Sharon, hoping she had a suggestion. Sharon looked to Alaska, hoping the same thing. All she the solutions she was thinking of were a bit violent.

Alaska decided to make the first move. “Ella Vira Needles!” she shouted, hoping Ella would hear her and actually reply. Sometimes, the teen would ignore her moms and they would have to go to her.

Ella decided to respond this time. Usually, when Alaska used her middle name, she was in trouble or her attention was needed immediately. She got off of her bed and exited her room. They’re probably going to ask me if I have homework or something. I’m haven’t done anything to get in trouble and Aquaria wouldn’t betray me. She walked to the kitchen confidently.

Ella cowered when she entered the kitchen. She noticed that Alaska looked concerned and Sharon looked angry. Aquaria looked very guilty. She backed away and into a darker part of the kitchen. She wasn’t ready for Ella’s reaction.

The bitch told them, Ella thought to herself. My own sister fucking betrayed me! I thought I could trust her! I thought the things she was saying earlier were empty threats! I was wrong…

“Ella, why didn’t you tell us?” Sharon asked. She tried to remain as calm as possible. “You can always talk to us. We would never, ever judge you.”

“Tell you about what?” Ella asked. Maybe playing dumb will get me out of here.

“The bullying,” Sharon replied. “I would’ve stopped it, even if it meant scaring the shit out of a fifteen-year-old!” She felt herself getting worked up again. This was definitely not a time for Ella to be playing dumb.

Ella glared at Aquaria. “Who said I was being bullied? I’m not being bullied! I’m fine!” Ella knew Alaska and Sharon probably would not believe her since Aquaria hadn’t lied to them in a long time. She still had to try.

“Aquaria told us. Aquaria wouldn’t lie about that,” Sharon said. Ella felt trapped; she would either have to confess or let her parents pry it out of her. Either way, she would have to tell them everything.

“Well, Aquaria is a liar!” Ella exclaimed. She didn’t care about anyone’s feelings at this point. She just wanted to get out of this situation.

Sharon felt frustrated with her daughter; she just wanted her to cooperate. Does she like being a victim? Does she not trust Alaska and I? Sharon wondered. What will it take to get her to talk?

Before Sharon could speak again, Alaska intervened. “Ella, if you’re being bullied, just tell us. You won’t be in trouble,” Alaska assured Ella. “I know being bullied is miserable. Talking about it can be, too. Take your time.” Alaska knew that by taking a gentler, less intrusive, approach, she would be more successful. She would have a better chance of being told about what is going on.

Alaska’s gentleness got to Ella; she was caught off guard. She felt tears burn her eyes. She rubbed her arm and looked down. What Alaska said was true; being a victim was miserable.

Ella began to remember all the things Jack, Patrick, and Ava had said to her. All the harsh comments that made her hate parts of herself. All the comments that discouraged her from participating in any extra curricular activities at school. All the comments that had ruined her life. All fifteen years of her life.

Ella couldn’t take it anymore; she let the tears she was holding back spill. She let out a small sob. “I am be-being bullied,” she said. “A-And I h-hate it. I-I want help.” She kept her gaze to the ground so her parents and sister wouldn’t see her tears.

Sharon felt her frustration become replaced with heartbreak. She hated seeing her daughter so distressed. She walked past Alaska and closer to Ella. She and wrapped her arms around the teen. Ella quickly returned the gesture. Alaska soon joined in on their hug.

“Breath, Ella, breath,” Alaska explained. “You don’t have to tell us everything right now. We just need to know who’s bullying you. We can find everything else out later.” She rubbed Ella’s back. Ella hugged Sharon tighter.

“I’m sorry if I came off as harsh. I just wanted to know what was going on,” Sharon added. She knew she could be harsh, which was a flaw she desperately needed to work on. Especially when talking to kids.

Ella took a deep breath; she knew it was time to tell her parents. She pulled away from them. She explained what had been happening: the comments, the name calling, being shoved into lockers, being attacked while she was with Scout and Keegan, everything. By the end of it, both Sharon and Alaska had tears in their eyes. They didn’t think people were still that mean and narrow-minded.

“And that’s all,” Ella concluded. She felt drained, both mentally and physically. “Can I go to my room now?” Sharon nodded in reply. Ella walked out of the kitchen and back to her room. She closed the door behind her. She collapsed on the bed and sighed. She didn’t know talking could be so tiring.

Later that night, while Sharon and Alaska were calling the school about Jack, Patrick, and Ava, Aquaria walked up to Ella’s door. She contemplated opening it and talking to Ella. She felt uneasy about approaching Ella. Will Ella reject me? Will she still be mad? Aquaria asked herself. She looked at the door in front of her. The white, wooden object had never been so intimidating until now.

C'mon, Aquaria, you’ve got this; it’s now or never.

Aquaria opened the bedroom door in one swift motion. She held her breath, waiting for Ella’s response. She felt relieved when she wasn’t yelled at. Ella was facing away from the door. Maybe she’s asleep? Maybe I won’t have to do this until tomorrow. Aquaria thought to herself hopefully.

Ella turned over to face Aquaria. Aquaria froze in place. She became a bit uncomfortable. Ella sat up, wondering why Aquaria was in her room. “Hello.” she said in a monotone voice. She wasn’t mad at Aquaria, but she certainly wasn’t happy with her, either.

“Hi,” Aquaria replied. “Can we talk?” Ella nodded, which made Aquaria feel more comfortable. She walked over to Ella’s bed and sat down beside her.

“Hey, Ella, I’m sorry for telling Mom and Mama about…that,” Aquaria said. “I didn’t know it would be that hard for you.” Ella was upset because of me; it was all my fault.

Ella looked at Aquaria. “It’s fine,” she insisted. “What’s with you and apologizing all of a sudden? It’s very unlike you.” Aquaria usually didn’t apologize to Ella explicitly since they were sisters. Aquaria didn’t think she had to apologize to Ella explicitly. She usually made Ella gather clues to conclude her apologies. - She insisted that she was helping Ella get smarter by making her use context clues. -

“Well, I realized that I really hurt you…and that I could’ve changed our bond forever. We’ve never betrayed each other before and I did,” Aquaria explained. “As I said, I can’t lose you. I need someone to be my lookout/scout.” She winked, hoping a bit of humor would lighten the mood.

Ella smiled slightly. “I guess.” She paused briefly. “We are sisters; we are blood-related. Even if we were mad at each other, we couldn’t stop loving each other,” she assured Aquaria. “You actually helped me. Now I don’t have to deal with those three.”

I guess crying and talking things out really makes a person think. Aquaria thought to herself. “I’m glad I did. So, sisters?” She hoped Ella’s answer would be: “yes.”

“Of course, you idiot. What do you think my statement about us being blood-related was about?” Ella asked.

Aquaria shrugged. Ella hugged her. Aquaria was surprised by the action, so she was stiff at first. She soon loosened up and hugged Ella back. She was relieved by two things: Ella wouldn’t have to deal with Jack, Patrick, and Ava again and they would never, ever hate each other.

#shalaska #aquaria #lesbian au #cisgirl au #lesbian mom au #danfin #teen!aquaria #finished request #tw bullying #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #rpdr fanfiction #submission #aquaria & sharon

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