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mistyheartrbs · 6 years

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good luck wizards

so on december 20th, 2017 aka last night i thought “aw man it sure is weird that all disney channel sitcoms take place in the same universe!” and then literally ten minutes later i was knee-deep in writing a really gay wizards of waverly place/good luck charlie crossover fanfiction in tweet format. and i loved doing it.

so here it is, my masterpiece, good luck wizards

a/n: some background: alex and teddy are roommates at whatever unattainable college teddy ended up going to and i have been mad about stevie’s death for six years now

"she just died," alex whimpers to teddy one night, curled up in her arms with two cups of magic hot cocoa in their hands (winning the wizard competition has some perks - learning the spell to keep hot cocoa warm indefinitely is one of them) "i could've done something."

"they put her back together. it's okay."

"it was like i could hear...laughing. nobody cared. nobody mourned her."

"yeah that's pretty terrible."

"wizards suck, teds. don't get mixed up with them."

"i'll try."

"should i...should i visit? i haven't seen her since..."

"why not?"

"guilt. it took like, six months. i could've probably done it in half the time. messed up, man."

"where is she now?"

"wizard juvie. i dunno." alex starts making loops with her wand, little tendrils like snowflakes following her motions. it's lovely, teddy thinks. "probably being made to clean up after slime toads or whatever. the wizard world's got some cra-appy punishments." alex's voice lilts on "crappy," and she jerks her wand sharply upwards. teddy tries not to flinch. "help me out with a spell, would you?"

"okay?" teddy wonders if this is like that time gabe asked her to "help" with a "harmless prank." it's probably worse.

"just sit here and take my hand when the portal opens.” alex raises her wand. “when the world slips apart and wants to see me / take me there to go to my friend stevie." a portal opens in truly bad 2007 cgi. they go in.

"that was a really bad rhyme," teddy deadpans as the two of them fall through the void.

"i'm working on my original spells, okay? it's an ~experimental style~"

"whatever you say."

and then the portal closes and they land. not very gracefully. on top of each other. it's not wizard juvie, and it's not some slime frog habitat, either. it's a little apartment. dusty and dim, with a faded rainbow flag hanging on one wall. a funny-looking dog skitters across the floor, and its footsteps echo around the room.

"susan?" a familiar voice calls out. alex freezes. "hey, i said i was gonna...oh." stevie nichols stops dead in her tracks at the two intruders. "hi."

"i'm just gonna..." teddy awkwardly backs away to go back into the portal, only to realize it's not there anymore. she pokes at the air anyway. it's fraught with tension, alex and stevie staring at each other.

"took you long enough," stevie finally grumbles. "i thought you'd forgotten."

"i wanted to," alex admits. "it's easier to just bury that sorta thing down deep, though, isn't it?"

"yeah."

teddy stares helplessly at the blank wall. she needs to leave before this gets bad.

"it was like i was asleep for a while," stevie murmurs. teddy notices a few weird little cracks in her body. "after that happened. and then i wasn't. and i was in wizard juvie."

"i could've broken you out," alex realizes. "the dynamic duo at it again, right?" she laughs hollowly. "but they all wanted to forget about you! and you were dead! they'd have thought i was nuts."

"for trying to help?"

the wizard world is really truly messed up, teddy thinks.

"with the competition and everything, it took me forever to even find out you had a chance of coming back, and i tried to tell myself that was enough. i mean, if it was enough, i wouldn't have to see you again, right?"

"and you'd forget just like them. move on with your life."

"exactly."

"that's a crappy thing to do to a friend, dude."

"maybe i didn't know if we'd be friends after this stuff at all!" alex snaps, and then she claps a hand over her mouth. teddy crouches behind a counter - it's all she can think to do to get out of this awkward situation, since there's no clear door.

"i don't give a flying fruit bat about what most people think. but you, stevie, you were like some kind of visionary! and how could i face you after i betrayed you and then let you die and then tried to forget?"

stevie still isn't moving.

"do you ever think maybe i wonder about what would've happened if none of that had ever been a thing? we could've been two wizard kids and just, like, lived. maybe we could've gone on a date or something, i dunno."

stevie turns red and her cracks start showing again.

"i would've liked that, too," stevie croaks. it occurs to teddy that maybe stevie doesn't talk much anymore - living in what's apparently another dimension consisting only of her apartment with just a dog present seems awfully lonely.

"open the portal, open the gate," alex says suddenly, and stevie recoils at the sight of the wand like it's a weapon. "take me and stevie to our first date." the three of them are whisked away.

(PREVIOUSLY ON GOOD LUCK WIZARDS, alex entered the lesbian dimension and teddy third-wheeled for an argument)

"that was a better rhyme," teddy says, trying to keep pace with alex and stevie as they walk. stevie looks at her strangely.

"do i know you?" she asks. teddy feels vaguely threatened.

"yeah, yeah, she looks just like justin's vampire girlfriend, it's weird, we've been over this." alex rolls her eyes, and stevie looks at her warmly. "real weird. i know."

"if it helps, i don't know much about wizards at all," teddy offers. she looks around - it's not like the last portal, where they were falling through a purple void. instead, it's just a white space, with fog bunching around her ankles.

"she's my roommate. i got dropped into all of this stuff after she showed up."

"so you've still got your powers. i guess you won the wizard competition?" stevie looks alex up and down. "and you're going to college?"

"contrary to popular belief," alex drawls, "our lives don't end after we graduate high school. i spent two years having a good time doing wizard stuff, and then i got up off my butt and applied to some places and bam! new friend."

"how'd she find out about...all of this?" stevie gestures to the space they're in. even though she's asking alex the questions, teddy feels like she's the one being interrogated, somehow.

"that was my bad," alex admits. "i thought she wasn't gonna show up until later, so i went and used a teleportation spell and..."

"there i was," teddy finishes. "have you guys ever noticed how all of your magic looks like something from a low-budget movie?"

"we've noticed," alex and stevie say in unison, and then they look at each other and laugh. teddy feels like she's intruding on something.

"hey." alex stops in front of a massive door, patchy and glowing. "we're here."

"whoa, whoa, whoa." stevie steps back. "you didn't tell me we'd be stopping at your house first."

"i mean, yeah. what, did you think i'm actually a good enough wizard to just get us right to where i wanted to go?"

when we get back to college, teddy thinks, i'm getting her some lessons in self-esteem.

"besides, my folks aren't even around half the time. max runs the shop now."

"max. great."

"what's wrong with max?" teddy had met max, once, when he'd visited their college. he seemed nice enough, if a little bit of an idiot.

"he-"

"made a really bad mistake," alex intervenes, and she seems to realize why this is such a bad idea. "i'll sneak you past him."

"better than being trapped in that apartment, i guess," stevie sighs, and follows alex through the door. teddy almost stumbles back into the wizard world when she sees the room - it's dark and cluttered and nothing at all like her pastel-colored rooms back home.

"aw, c'mon!" alex moans. "did dad really rearrange everything? if he's here i'm gonna give him a piece of my mind, i'll tell you what."

"you know, i think i'm just going to stay here," teddy says.

"nope." alex takes her by the arm and all but drags her out of - what the heck why is their living room in a vegetable cooler - and into a brightly lit diner, with stevie close behind. max looks up from a magazine.

"hey," he says. stevie narrows her eyes. max stumbles back. "o-oh," he mumbles. "hey, stevie."

"hey, squirt." stevie pushes past him for the exit.

"sorry for killing you!" max calls behind her, but she can't hear him.

"okay!" alex claps her hands together and lets out a long sigh. "where to?"

"for what?"

"for our date, you doofus. what do you think 'me and stevie's first date' meant?"

"seriously?"

"yeah."

"okay, what about . . . the movies? i can't really see movies in the apartment but i hear about 'em. is Bird Dude 3: Revenge of the Birds still playing?"

"Tender Vampire Romance is out now, too," teddy says, too quiet for either of them to hear.

"i've been meaning to see that one!" alex exclaims, starting to grin and very much ignoring the other suggestion. "this one's too scared of horror to go with me." she jabs a finger at teddy, who feels a little bit insulted.

"i can do it," she says, since apparently she's not getting out of this situation, probably doomed to be a third wheel forever. "i mean, it can't be that scary after seeing magic, right?"

"it's decided!" alex bends down, plucks her wand from her boot, and starts to wave it around. "whether it's the first, second, or third," she starts, "let us see the movies about birds." they're whisked away again.

and then they end up in the movie theater. more specifically, behind the ticket counter. on top of each other.

"now that's just overkill," stevie mutters. "isn't the movie theatre like, ten minutes from your house?"

"dad says i've gotta start working on my teleportation skills."

"they're obviously not great," teddy groans, from underneath stevie's boot.

"plus, this one's got a bonus." alex holds up a bowl. "baby tomatoes!" she cheers, and stevie's eyes light up. teddy leers at the bowl.

"they're just regular tomatoes?" she asks. "not, like, actually infants from a sentient tomato species you weirdos eat for fun?"

"what? no!"

"what kind of monsters do you think we are?" stevie adds. teddy shrugs. "we just like 'em because they make us feel like dinosaurs. rawr, i'm eating a tomato. woo." stevie pops one in her mouth. "man, i've missed these."

"they don't have baby tomatoes in your apartment dimension?"

"nope. just regular-sized tomatoes." alex claps a hand over her chest like she's been wounded.

"what kind of sick torture is that?!" stevie shrugs.

"eh. could've been worse. i could've been dead for longer."

"listen, guys, i'm loving this feelings session, but we're going to miss the movie if you keep up like this." teddy points to the showtimes. "and if i stay stuck in this ticket booth for another two hours with you lovebirds-"

"crap! birds! stevie, we've gotta go!" alex takes stevie by the hand and drags her out of the ticket booth down the hall.

apologetic, teddy slips a twenty-dollar bill on the counter. hopefully it'll be enough. she runs after the pair of wizards and they just barely make it into the theatre before the previews start. teddy stops a few seats above alex and stevie.

Bird Dude 3: Revenge of the Birds starts and it's truly awful. but teddy can hear alex and stevie laughing from their seats, so that's something. it's a whole lot of something, actually.

***

"... and then when the bird dude jumped out and went 'rahh!' i could hear everyone screaming!" alex cackles, and stevie laughs with her.

"okay, okay, but what about when his enemy the lizard gal punctured his throat?"

"that was so good!"

"they need to make a movie about lizard gal. she's the best."

"aww, does big bad stevie have a crush?" alex teases. stevie elbows her, hard.

"tell me you didn't see something there between her and otter lady."

"when it comes out on dvd, we have to have a movie night at your place. all three bird dude movies, back to back!" alex is happier than teddy's ever seen her, but stevie's smile drops, and teddy can see the cracks again. "i'll even bring baby to-"

"you can't."

"what?"

"you can't bring stuff to the apartment. stuff appears, like the dog and the flag, sometimes when i want it or need it or whatever, but not from other people."

no wonder wizards keep their world a secret from everybody, teddy thinks. they've got some terrible rules.

"you shouldn't have even been able to show up. at wizard juvie, sure, but the apartment? i'm supposed to be alone."

"maybe it was the power of love," teddy offers unhelpfully, half-meaning it as a joke but half-wondering if it's true. from the way alex and stevie actually ponder it for a moment, it seems like she's hit the nail on the head.

and then she walks off before alex and stevie can turn her arms into jelly or something like that, slipping behind a massive cutout of the leads from Tender Vampire Romance. she's in way too deep to stop now.

she watches as alex's face crumples in defeat. as stevie just stands there. as a few people pay them odd glances.

"we can do something," alex says. "we have to."

"we really don't," stevie says. "it's okay."

"hey, when did the bad girl get so sweet?" alex awkwardly nudges stevie with her shoulder. "the old you would've taken the offer and run with it."

"i guess i've changed," stevie says. "being alone in an apartment dimension gives you a lot of time to think."

"that still sucks, by the way," alex scoffs. "that's, like, worse than wizard juvie."

"yeah."

"i'm gonna visit, okay? a lot. and we can keep going on dates out here and stuff. you're not gonna be alone." alex clenches her wand in her hand. "not on my watch."

"that's my cue to leave, huh?" stevie sighs. "it was nice seeing you again, russo. i hope you'll keep that promise, but i get it if you-" and then alex kisses her, and teddy has to put her hand in her mouth to hide her excitement.

stevie sinks deeper into the kiss, and for a moment they're just two girls in a seedy movie theatre, with no magic or anything.

"been wanting to do that for like three years," alex breathes, once she pulls away and stevie is shellshocked. "it's just as nice as i thought it'd be."

"wait!" teddy yells, and both of them turn around in surprise. "uh, stevie, i've known you for like four hours? but i don't think you deserve to be . . . alone, like that. come with us. i'm okay with it."

"seriously?" stevie points at her.

"sure, you'd have to hide and stuff since i guess legally you died in 2011, it wouldn't be great or anything, but you two would be together, and that's what's important, right?"

"you're too nice for your own good," stevie laughs, but she's holding alex's hand. "okay," she finally says. "as long as everyone's okay with it. alex?"

"another wizard in this place? heck yeah!" alex pumps her fist and kisses stevie again, and teddy feels an odd sort of warm swelling in her chest. it's a disney ending, and a lovely one at that.

"are you ready?" alex asks, and both stevie and teddy nod. "okay . . . through the world we might roam . . ."

"this is pretty bad," stevie whispers to teddy, and she nods in agreement. "it's kinda cute."

". . . let us now go right back home."

they're all whisked away.

#wizards of waverly place #good luck charlie #stalex #or whatever that ship name is #natsuki's terrible disco pants

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