#i have som friends but i feel like i talk a lot with myself abt it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

augujerdeer · 5 years

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I have a few questions if you don't mind. Does the host hear the alters talking in their head? Do they talk to the host or each other? How do the fronting alters deal with the body not looking like them at all? Also is it true that alters are their own people & personalities?

Hi!! So our energy/spoons/forks r kinda HUH but I’m not sure when we r gnna actlly answ this So I’ll try 2 pls excuse how I talk edhhsvshde

1.) Does the host hear alters talking in their head?

Yes! And it can happen for ANY alter who’s in control!!! N then the “clarity” of what they’re sayin can vary. Sometimes U can hear what they’re sayin clearly or sometimes it’s pictures, emotions, colors, or EVEN a vague or clear summary or understanding of the whole thing in general. Sometimes u dnt even have 2 hear the whole thing- it’s like a weird telepathy thing. Bc ur share a brain in a way, sometimes u dnt even have 2 use words to “hear or talk” 2 each other if that makes sense

2.) Do they talk to the host or each other?

Vague question but yes!! Yes 2 both! If ur in control, whoever is inside can b talking 2 u or others. 4 example, the other night, Matthew (he is not a/the host) was going 2 sleep but he cld overhear peter n Dakota fighting n it was kind of distracting shgshsgsggsg

Sometimes we just react 2 the outside ether like 4 example, we were going grocery shopping last nite n some ppl were watching us do things in he outside. We found a mug that says “GOOD morning” n peter, not talking 2 any1 but was reacting “oh that’s not a mug for mr Loki”

N an example 4 us talking 2 whoever’s in front/in control can b 2 help them sometimes 2 like 4 example peter wld b infront n having a panic attack n Crowley wld come over n try 2 talk him thru it :,^)

It actlly dsnt have 2 b “the host” but if ur a new sys I can get yvthats an important question- so Yea!! Alters can talk 2 both the sys n each other- n when the host or whoever is in control hears the others they don’t have 2 necessarily b talking 2 u- I just hear them doing their own thing

3.) How do the fronting alters deal with the body not looking like them at all?

This is kinda tricky bc it’s diff 4 every alter n in every sys!! Some of us dnt have dysphoria, some do but repress it, n some do n it’s rlly bad :^( it’s like gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia u kno? Except this is in the Sys sense n not exactly the LGBT sense

Actlly, whatever coping mechanisms can help ppl in he LGBT w their dysphoria r RLLY good suggestions!! I’m not super sure how 2 help girls in a male body, but I can sort of shape eour experiences bc the body is female. Stuff like oversized stuff is super helpful! Tying ur hair is good 2, n getting a binder cld help!! We dnt have a binder yet but we’re saving up 4 1 n asking our friends

We’ll always b dusphroic no matter what tho sometimes- its just a matter of getting used 2 it,,, we notice he newer u r 2 the sys no matter if ur the same gender, will uslly panic @ front n get RLLY dysphoric. 4 ex, the body is like, 5”1/2, but IM 5”11. I’m NB yea but my body is SUPER diff from the body’s,,, I have aaaa “parts” n while I dnt have dysphoria in my own body, I def do in the physical body

I wld suggest cosplaying tho!! Sal did 4 Halloween! It’s nice 2 get stuff or wear stuff that makes u feel more u- but don’t do anything drastic w/o telling or aksing the sys

My tip is rlly just 2 avoid mirrors n also do what makes u comfortable,,, mirrors can trigger dysphoria even after forgetting all day :^(

4.) Also is is true that alters are their own people & personalities?

This is actlly scary 2 answ bc som ppl c this diff so I’ll just try 2 make it short

I wld say yes where u shld respect each alter 4 being diff if they say they r so on so forth

They can b their own persons, som of them dnt want 2 b seen as their own persons

It’s kinda complicated bc it depends on the SYS- AND if they r, u SHLD respect if they want 2 b called this or that n their privacy etc

In GENERAL, alters can b or r their own ppl w their own likes n dislikes. Sometimes they can b SUPER diff 2 each other n sometimes they can b rlly similar- butvthey can b diff 2 each other 2 — it’s like, rlly complicated

PERSONALLY, we like being called by our names!! We dnt go in public n tell He world tho— 4 the most part 4 us, it’s like not pretending 2 b the body but still using the body’s name bc it’s a safe option u kno??

My euphoria when ppl call me by my own name is AAAAA???? N it feels rlly good 2 LIKE,,,, B MYSELF,, som of us n a lot of us actlly FEEL physical pain when having 2 copy Jamie a lot, like u can C the pain in Chara’s text when they have 2 pretend 2 b :333 ;;;!!!!! All the time GSVHSSVHS but they’re rlly good @ it anywy

I don’t have 2 try HVSHSSG no1 notices uwu but 2 us it’s SUPER obv I’m 2 diff but singlets don’t notice??? It’s y it’s scary bc mayb we might be leaning 2 overt more NHA covert n no1 ever talks abt that

Anywy I’m talking 2 much I hope this answers stuff!! If we missed smth just send another ask!!

#ask #anon #headmates #headmate #headspace #from kris #info

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highqualityblog · 5 years

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late night thoughts\ by me, who is drunk

long self post under the 8r8k ((((((((its me rambling abt myself and life ))))))))

dear future me u should 100% delete this dear everyone else dont read this unless u want to in which case read it its chill

NEGATIEVES\

even doin s\omethin i os\tens\ibly enjoy for work, in the world were in, or als\o thru brain problems\ and s\hit is\ like.... s\till pretty alienating and hard a lot of the time and s\omtimes\ i dont even want to do this\ thing that i care about

s\ome of that is\ jus\t the lates\t s\et of work and workin for caus\es\ that while like, s\eem like the bes\t outcome of a s\ituation and pay the bills\..... are not like s\hit i care about

not having buy-in, from mys\elf is\ frus\trating

im s\till fundamentally workin for money and for people operatin on a greater s\cale than me s\o its\ like.... s\till work

i feel lkie a mercenary altho tbo be clear im not workin fundamentlay agains\t my own interes\ts\ its\ jus\t like... goddamnitd be nice ttoo fight a fight i want but i gotttta pay the bills i guess

i probably s\houldnt be alone this\ much its\ never good for me ive been workin from hotels\ and not s\eein other humans\ very much and its\ like even if i talk to friends\ online and on the phone and s\tuff its\ lonely as\ hell

genders\ fuckin crazy and its\ s\omethin ive been like actualllly wres\tlin w for a while even tho i gotta deal w the fact that mos\t of the people i now deal w arent like trans\ or queer or nothin and its\ like... come on. i need that in my life. i mis\s\ home, and i mis\s\ bein around people that were like als\o workin with that and you dont really know that till yr gone i dont even think i could go back to like, old life, whatever but s\till

at leas\t i feel comfortable now openly bein like “yeah i us\e s\he/they pronouns\” in my online friend group and im probably gonna put it on my s\lack at work or whatever but that took time and s\elf reflection and s\hit and its\ nice

i gotta s\tp dirnkin alone at night lmao and cut back on the nicotine bc damn it\s gettin s\illy like come on tara

ON THE FLIP S\IDE :

work is\ pretty good when i can think s\traight and focus\ liek it aint as\ fullfillin as\ id like but its\ pretty good and im gettin better and goddamnit im gonna be a good organis\er even if im not as\ good as\ i want to be yet. im gonna fight

can a job even be totally fulfillin???? probably not lmao so thats a wild expectation 2 even have

bein on the sidleines for now is a bit of a bummer but some recent experiences say: i still got it, and im better than i have been in the past so :)))) gonna be the fckin best whatever the hell that means, im not 100% sure i know this path is still unclear

i got a good things goin w my current place w gender i got shit to do still dont get me wrong and shit to think about and prob always will but like.. its pretty nice and i also feel very comfrotable w my current aeshethics or whatever

im not as “Whoops wanna diE” as i used 2 be which is kinda nice???? its still there dont get me wrong but its easier 2 manage these days

im not a great person dont get me wrong but im workin 2 get better abd i guess thats all u can do

i got some good friends who i care a lot abt and that helps a lot and is good

hawaiian shirts is workin out pretty good for me overall getting som b4 comin to florida was the CORRECT decision bc im lovin this

also geuss my keyboard stopped adding the \ after sss at the end not gonna fix that because thats way 2 much effort

notes 4 future tara: chill out on drinking and nic, read some fuckignnn books, do some other shit idc also fistbomp Yr great and i love u ; )

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felixeslee · 6 years

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92 q tag

hello this tag is highkey irrelevant now but it’s been in my drafts for ages so !! laskdgjasodigjsaldkgasodigjasdg which is why i wont b tagging anyone bc im so late but !! yeah !! ok !! !!!!!!!!!1111!!! lets !! go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tagged by @hyuunjins @hyunjinh @straykiz and @dae-hwee from my w1 blog (lmaoo hi pindi this is sarah!! AIddgsdfk if youre aware of this blog but hope its ok if i do it here alskdg )

rules: once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end choose 25 people to be tagged.

🌙 LAST

Drink: the water that I drank this morning!! Aka around 12 hrs ago asdgasdgoij pls stay hydrated kids

Text Message: i texted my brother if he knew where my dad was lol,,,,,,, sldkjgaosidgj

Phone Call: CALLED MY BROTHER BC HE WASNT RESPONDING MY TEXTS,,,,, he also didn’t pick up ldskgjsoidgjsldkgsjdg

Song you listened to: Goodbye My Love by Aileeeee <3 lovv

Time you cried: TODAY ,,,, i was getting super anxious bc i didn’t know where my dad was ??? he was supposed to pick me up but he forgot abt me until like an hr later… sldkgjaosidgj

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Dated someone twice: no :00 lmao i’ve never dated… ever alskdjgaoijsdf

Kissed someone and regretted it: i havent had my first kiss yet HEH

Lost someone special: unfortunately, yes :(

Been depressed: sdgksjadoiglskdfosdijgalskdfaosdigjaksdgoaisdjf idk

Been drunk and thrown up: lmao i’ve never drank ,,, at all,,,, the smell of alchohol scares me,,,,, evn my little brother has had a sip once and he’s 5 yrs younger LMAO ,,, but im a noob and don’t wanna try sldkgjosidjgs

🌙 IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU

Made a new friend: yay yes yeslgkdgsdf

Fallen out of love: i dont think i’ve ever evn been in love…. Sdlgksjdoigj

Met someone who changed you: yes,,,,,,,,,

Found out who your true friends are: uhhhh idk aslkdgjaosidjf i honestly can never tell when someone’s being a fake friend so!!!!!! Idk honestly lmao

Found out someone was talking about you: i did ! but it wasn’t for anything bad or anything……… they just criticized me behind my back?? But i agreed w their criticism so alsdkjgaosidgj

🌙 GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: ummm,,,, like 4?? We r mutuals evn though none of them r actually kpop blogs,,,, so i always feel guilty spamminig their aesthetic feed w my screaming tags and annoying shit LMAO but i lov them <3

Do you have any pets?: NO :”( I WANT A DOGGO THO …. REALLY BAD…..

Do you want to change your name?: uhhh ik so many sarahs its not evn funny and my last name is hella basic too????? Theres 3 ppl that share my first+last name in my school alone….. So maybe i’d change it to my chinese name (yue) ?? also bc it sounds more sophisticated,, and i lov anything that makes me sound smarter than the reality of my dumb self LOL

What time did you wake up this morning: LOL so my alarm rings at 6:40 but i get out of bed at 7:10 SLDGKJSODIF … and i need to get out of the house by 7:20 lsdkgsdoig

What were you doing last night: physics and apush :SLDGJOSIDFJ the 2 most dreaded classes UGH

Something you cannot wait for: DINNER .. i love me some gud dinner

Have you ever talked to a person named tom?: thomas jefferson my mAN

What’s getting on your nerves right now: when it’s so heckin cold i can’t concentrate + i hate taking notes when it’s cold??? Bc then my hands r like half numb and it HURTS WHEN I TAKE NOTES sldkgsoidjf ALSO WHEN I DRAW ,,,,, STIFF FINGERS R THE WORST WHEN DRAWING

Blood type: i think a????????????

Nickname: my most common ones r swisso + salad (i promise these make sense in context LOL )

Relationship status: return NullPointerException; //im a cs person,,, dont judge

Zodiac sign: capricorn!

Pronouns: she + her

Favorite show: i dont watch many shows but i love watching a gud studio ghibli movie when im feelin down

College: this QUESTION LSDKGJSODIGJ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wanna go to college but will any accept me ??!?!

Hair colour: its naturally black but it’s currently dyed ombre from black → brown !!!!!!

Do you have a crush on someone: i havent had a legit crush in 3 yrs lmao…….

What do you like about yourself: the fact that im a deep sleeper. Idk how light sleepers function omg like wouldn’t u wake up to like,,,,, everything??! :((( that makes me sad bc u hav no idea how much i lov a nice long undisturbed slumber

🌙 FIRSTS

First surgery: okAY so like i've had 2 procedures done on my eyes lmaooo like (1) when i was a smol beb of like 1 yr old i rolled off my bed aaaannnnddd the corner of my eye hit the edge of the sharp corner of the bedside table!!! and then y1ke$ things got ugly loll (((yes, i wuz dum + clumsy since the day i popped from the womb))) its all stitched up now and i hav a tinie tinie scar aslkdgs okay and (2) there was something weird abt my tearducts LOL so u know when u get sad nd stuff ur nose gets runny and u sniff a lot??? well like that wasn't the case for me bc the passage way from my eyes to my nose was completely blocked off,,,,, which resulted in me lookin like i was full blown cryin like every 2 seconds... like if i kept my eyes open for too long my eyes would get watery and tears would flow out LMAO ,,,, i looked like i just never stopped crying,,, but it was just my eyes were just ALWAYS WATERING sdlgjsdif damn u have no idea after the procedure i was like 'do ppl live like this??? not having to wipe tears every 0.2 sec??? oh my god,,, i am livin THE LIFE'

First piercing: i hav no piercings!!! Bc stabbing holes thru myself scares me sdlkjgsoidg but i love the way earrings look tho so ://///

First sport you joined: dance or gymnastics???? I dont rly remember

First vacation: CHINA prob????

First pair of sneakers: i think sketchers LMAO ,,, the big thing

🌙 RIGHT NOW

Eating: nothing!!!!!

I’m about to: do som sketches for my AP art class

Listening to: my dad sing som old chinese folk stuff behind me LOL

Want kids: i already adopted all 9 members of stray kids tho ??? idk if im ready for more atm

Get married: LOL This question just reminded me of smol story from my childhood: so like i used to b rly close w these 3 other kids,,,, one other girl and 2 guys,,, and our parents were all rly tight too,, and our four families would just go camping together and it was rly :’’D fun and so we all made a pact that I would marry one of the guys and the other girl would marry the other guy and we’d all go camping together forever but then KINDERGARTEN HIT,,,, we moved schools and yeah im still rly close w the girl but i miss the 4 of us dkgjsodigjsdlkgsdf LOL

Career: waterbottle 🌙

WHICH IS BETTER

Lips or eyes: eyes? Eh idk i just never rly considered lips ?? LOL

Hugs or kisses: hugs? I dont hav experience w kisses so sldkgjsoidgjsd yike syikes yikes

Shorter or taller: TALLER

Troublemaker or hesitant: uhhhhh neither??? Like i just want someone playful + extroverted bc im quite introverted,,,,,,,,,, so if he was hesitant we’d just b super awkward and quiet,,, and i don’t like getting involved w sketchy troublemaker shit either LOL ,,,

Older or younger: as long as they r in the same school grade level,,,, and i guess 1-2 yrs older is okaY? But lowkey freaks me out if too old

Romantic or spontaneous: sldkgjsoidfj both? Like i lov someone who is unpredictable and spontaneous,,,, but on the other hand im lowkey a helpless romantic lasdkgjaoisdjf

Sensitive or loud: both i guess too??? Its good to have someone understanding and sensitive but also someone who knows how to have fun :)

Hookup or relationship: hookups,,,,,,,, just dont make sense to me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i get attached to someone p easily so even if i dont plan on being attached,,,, i’d probably get attached :(

🌙 HAVE YOU EVER

Kissed a stranger: YIKES no

Drank hard liquor: nO

Lost contacts/glasses: UH I HATE THIS BUT YES…..

Sex on first date: yikes * (6.02 *10^23) adkgaosidjgaslkdf no thaNK you

Broken someone’s heart: i dont know,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like i might’ve but maybe im just not aware ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but on a sidenote i think my old comupter science teacher gets a migrain everytime he sees me LOLLLLLL sdlgjsoidgjsldf

Been arrested: no,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, :0

Turned someone down: yeah lmao i kinda feel bad tho bc they were all good ppl,,,, lskjgosidjf but thankfully im still good friends and pretty tight w all of them ~

🌙 DO YOU BELIEVE

In yourself: ocassionally i try to :’’D

Miracles: lol yes

Love at first sight: i used to ? but not anymore,,,, like i believe u can be attracted to someone at first sight ?? but i feel like love cannot be attained thru visual contact only asldgjoasidjalsdg

#sarah: tag #LMAO sry for the random stories here nd there #and i wrote this like 2 weeks ago so yeah .l LMAO #thank u all for tagging me i luh u all <333 #lSDKGJOSDIGJSDG

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gaychowder · 7 years

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Wish, heaven, wings, wine, honey, matte, satin, andd opal :DD

wish: what are your favourite memories?

honestly just any memories i have with my friends where we hang out nd just like?? be stupid teenagers if that makes sense. The memories I have of days where we just walk nd enjoy each other’s presence are the best

heaven: describe your ideal date

rly just like… driving far away at night and taking a walk in the woods nd getting away from everything for a while?? we’d take stupid pictures of each other and laugh and watch the stars and never want to leave

wings: list five things you love about yourself

Boy Howdy what do i love about myself

-my name

-my freckles

-my Ginormous Hands

-uhh my taste in music

-my eyes

wine: talk about something you are looking forward to

it’s a long ways away and not even definite but i’m rly looking forward to the day we finally meet nd i can hug u and kiss u and hold ur hand and hear ur voice in person nd!!! be in ur presence !!!!

honey: what do you do to relax?

lmao what is Relaxing idk her

okay in all seriousness i don’t do a lot of relaxing but one of my favorite things to do is just make a cup of tea and wrap myself up in blankets nd turn on my favorite shows

matte: what is something you are proud of?

I’m proud of how far my art has come!!! I’m still not h a p p y with it by a long shot but like it’s improved so much i won’t ever deny that it feels like i’m actually getting somewhere as an artist

satin: what never fails to make you happy?

talkin to you and watching conan gray diffifjspfj

opal: talk about your interests and passions

pogjsipjgpbongpidh i always complain abt ppl not caring abt my interests but once i get to talk abt them im like….. What Do I Say

ANYWAYS um i never get to talk about them but i have a bunch of ocs and i’ve put so much work into them and their personalities and stories and i love them all som uch. i have this like.. universe with witches that live in the forest bc witches are like… outlawed and if they’re found they’ll be killed ?? nd there are ppl who hunt them p much and if they find them either kill them there or bring them into town to be killed, so these witches have it Rough dshiohdg

rn i have like three witch ocs for this universe (i’m gna make more it’s still in the works isjgih) nd they all have their own lil specialty like Juniper specializes in manipulating plants nd nature, Amara can manipulate weather kinda??? nd Milo is the youngest at 17 nd hasn’t rly discovered what she specializes in yet, but she’s kinda like the other witches lil sister nd they all lov her so much….

nd i have one witch hunter oc named Harlow nd her story is p much she found Juniper in the woods but decided to let her live bc Harlow uhhh Has Gay Feelings, nd now she kinda just meets with juniper in secret nd they become rly close but they’re also fuckin pining idiots

——

ask me things!

#lanceypoo #answered

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tristescoria · 6 years

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i will vent about this situation into the abyss

okay yea talking shit is an issue with me, i just get sick of people

they do something that upsets me and i just go off on all their character flaws, like im calculating my observations in my head, but i’m saying them out loud to someone i should never trust. dnt trust people lmao

you are so controlling. its crazy. youre so controlling that like the people you control cant even see that. but its a normal thing. i guess it is actually a normal human thing. tops n bottoms. all normal. i just dnt live like that i guess.

me saying shes your bitch wasn’t even in a demeaning way it was all in all an observation. you even said it before yourself. she literally used to copy your style and all. its still like that, just in different ways. its not a bad thing, i just feel sad that if this thought i have is true, she isn’t living her free life as an individual. maybe thats how she wants to live and its not a problem to her. idk. i just dnt live like that i guess.

also idk i think yr parents would be so happy if you got a job. they encourage it. and i get how it is, to live with difficult parents, but you kinda just have to say fuck it and try to live for yourself. develop yourself apart and do your own thing. maybe you have to deal with trauma they thro at u while u do ur own thing but, idk it doesn’t seem that bad. at least ur not a tranny and you dad wont like probably actually murder you if you liv to ur tru self. ur a cis het woman middle class, white passing and all with a (for the most part) loving and supporting partner, u will live. you do it for the most part, which is good. i don’t know everything, but from what i can see, you can try a lil harder. maybe idk.

also you are kinda a poser. i dont mean it like “haha poser u hot topic goth”, i mean it like,, you’re “punk” and bash capitalism and the bourgeoisie, but you are literally the epitome of capitalism and the bourgeoisie. you live like that. you don’t care to vote. you don’t care about politics or helping out minorities. you don’t really think about those things a lot. and whatever u do u, i just want to surround myself with people that care about those things. i feel like i have a stronger connection with them and that like, they motivate me. so maybe we just aren’t compatible. you can literally go live your life, have fun at raves, and i can go live mine, cultivating communities and idk fighting the bourgeoisie. its better that way, we are too different.

idk esp when u were like “im gonna say the n word” last year a bunch and wanted to destroy pc culture, its just really childish, like an online troll

opposites may attract sometimes, but we do not provide any substance or growth for each other, so maybe it is better that we part ways. i will miss the good times; however, i have always knows in my heart somehow that they would just be good times, not exactly long times. it was cool 2 cross paths and i wish i couldv ended things on better terms but, idk

also sidenote,, its funny bc when i was talking to her she was agreeing with me while i thought out loud

and she even said explicitly that she wouldn’t tell you anything. she even told me, not to say anything, about you not wanting us to be friends and all. she said she didn’t wanna deal with childish drama. she said you worried about those type of things like childish stuff idk. i thought abt that a lot. i didn’t ask her to not say anything, she just said she wouldn’t, i was hoping she didn’t because i didn’t exactly mean most of those things. thats all weird to me

also idk, being frnds with yall made me kinda uncomfortable. like i was on th truman show. like yall r so connected i felt like yall were always plannin som shit. mostly, i just felt out of the loop. idk maybe im a schizo. but idk i never really felt cared for, even though you said you did. i just felt like i was roaming around, i wanna roam around on my own, not really following someone around.

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