#i hate being so fucking hypersexual and feral
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#I'm tired#I'm tired of thinking#I'm tired from all the thoughts I have#my mind won't stop racing#and i fucking hate it#too many intrusive thoughts#and so fucked up#i can't even sleep#or cope#i hate being so fucking hypersexual and feral#ALL THE DAMN TIME#i need a rest#i need a break#i need some calm and peace#fuck you traums#fuck you life#fuck everything
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trigger warning: sexual assault (child sexual assault, animal child rape, grooming), mass harassment, zoophilia mention, beastiality mention, sexual nudity mention, self destructive behaviours
thank you everyone who sincerely wished for me to get help! fortunately i am already engaged with several therapists. i am thankful to the select few people who reached out & let me talk through everything with them, and helped me realize what was going on. this all led to me being able to speak about it with my support system and start working through my years of online exposure, break out of the cycle of harmful sexual behavior towards myself, learn to unpack why i felt the need to continue that unhealthy cycle and work on understanding the long term effects of animal on child rape, CSA, grooming, etc had on my hypersexuality, online presence and relationships.
turns out being dehumanized through years of sexual abuse and portraying those feelings by drawing yourself as a dog being sexually tortured is not normal behavior! crazy
trying to explore these very complex feelings through art ended with me, once again, exposing myself, my past trauma and my body to others. this is a vicious cycle and i now know just how dangerous, common, yet unspoken about the victimization cycle is for survivors of csa. this is why i won’t be apologizing for fleeing. it was the safest thing for me to do, not just because of some angry people on twitter, but from actual predators i was engaged with. i was in no state to speak up about everything considering all this entails.
in regards to the one zoophile i followed, they had ΘΔζ in their display name. from my understanding the first two are therian symbols (?) and i assumed the third was too. i assure you i shared the shock everyone else had when i realized what it actually meant. taking the time to actually look through shit & when i saw that person fantasizing about committing beastiality in their tweets, the realization hit that i was interacting with people who might’ve been harming real animals, it made me sick to my fucking stomach and thankfully changed my entire view on the situation. you are of course free to believe what you want, but i personally think it’s fucking insane that because of this mistake i am being made out to be someone who “actively endorses animal cruelty and rape”. i can promise you i’d have offed myself long ago if that was the case. i am horrified enough at myself for engaging in feral art at any point in my life but please know i do not align at all with people who wish harm or sexual acts on animals.
as much as i believe i was influenced during all this, i certainly did make decisions to make situations worse, including an attempt to make money, and i take full responsibility for that. i am sincerely sorry for any harm caused. none of this should have happened in the first place and it shouldn't have spiraled so far.
to reiterate and make clear: my art was not real and was not intended to represent reality. it was not meant to represent any harm or sexual acts being done to actual animals. it was not made to encourage zoophilia or acts of beastiality, nor did it represent my personal feelings towards animals. everything depicted was a character meant to represent parts of myself and used as a way to express feelings of dehumanization and to reclaim traumatic experiences. i am now of the understanding it was entirely wrong, and was unintentionally used by zoophiles. i am extremely sorry.
i promise you i have heard quite literally every variation of threat or disparage you could possibly make towards me. i wish to say that you are valid in your anger, however, all i ask is no other people get harassed. i have never and will never encourage hate speech of any kind, no matter what side you’re on.
the original callout itself inherently caused further harm to myself and others. i beg you to stop sending minors explicit porn and directing them to nsfw accounts. no drama is worth endangering more people.
i am putting hard limits on my future online presence and i simply won’t be further engaging with the furry community. however, art is something i am still passionate about and is my main source of income, so i am working on making that a safe activity for myself. my social media will be monitored with help from my disability support workers to help me with my muted fear response and lack of perception concerning safety & danger. i will not be personally interacting or messaging anyone, simply just using my platform to post illustrations. i am focusing on recovery, and you can choose to respect that or not. i know the harassment is something i will just have to live with, but know i will try not to be engaging with it for my own safety.
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if you’ve experienced any form of sexual assault as a child, please know you have a higher risk of revictimization. protect yourself. learn from my mistakes. access resources, speak to trusted adults. follow your gut. being led to seeing yourself as an inhuman animal and object can be incredibly dangerous. you don’t deserve to feel that way. don’t let people treat you as such.
for those of you who are genuinely trying to do the right thing and need an outlet for your anger — rather than doxxing, threatening and sending mass harrassment to already at risk individuals, i encourage you to utilize your time, skill sets and donations to support your local animal welfare officers. consider joining animal protection forces. report evidence of occurring animal abuse to authorities.
thanks for reading.
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sky for the character headcanon!
clothing style
She prefers showy clothing, stuff that she knows people are going to stop and stare at her in. Partially because she likes the attention, and secondly because it lures people in for Dinner™. The other part is she’s paid for sex which is one of the ways she pays rent while staying under the radar. If she’s out to kill she just wears a shirt, comfy bottoms and easy to move in shoes.
before - bed routine.
Just a quick drink and get undressed for bed. Doesnt make it too complicated.
eating habits.
Mostly junk food when she’s eating human food, others souls because she Demon
concept of home and family.
People you can trust and Know will have your back. Loyalty and honesty are incredibly important to her.
hobbies
(napping), research, shop browsing, make up collecting (usually cheap), likes collecting small teddies that remind her of important people but wont admit it–
fighting style.
Feral. Or with knife. Wants a gun but they’re hard to get
what calms your muse down after a bad day?
Cuddles which is rare, or Binging on food
talk about one person your muse loves.
Uhhhhhh is Main thats.. Kinda nobody. Most are long dead.
ways your muse says i love you.
Small actions, will actually get embarrassed around you, so Much contact, affection is Plentyful. If you’re near people she doesnt know she will get extremely possessive, so Very Very grippy and Overly sexual during those times. Will stop if you tell her too but will still cling a bit and glare at everybody-
describe your muse’s laugh.
Sweet. She’s made to allure so, seems innocent and pretty. Dont trust the cute
what items can be found in your muse’s pockets?
House keys, pocket knife, lipstick, purse, chewing gum
talk about your muse’s most prized possession(s).
She.. Doesnt really have any she moves around so much and leaves most things behind
describe your muse’s walk.
Confident. If she’s having a bad day tho she looks down and Will not look up for anything, raptor hands
talk about your muse’s accent.
Think.. Rough England accent which she put on to seem tougher. Her actual one is Posh Victorian
describe your muse’s smile.
Childish? Very big and tends to head tilt. If she’s really happy or showing off her eyes will close. If
how often does your muse get sick?
Supernatural. Doesnt.
does your muse know when to rest, or do they push themselves?
Overpushes a lot, then sleeps for Days
does your muse snore? sleeptalk? sleepwalk?
Nope! Apart from the occasional groan or movement, she doesnt really do anything else. If you came any other time, she would seem dead
the thing(s) your muse thinks about before falling asleep.
PTSD-
is your muse a fitful or a quiet sleeper?
Quiet unless having a nightmare!
your muse’s thoughts on cops and other authority figures.
“Fuck them. Bastards.”
skills and special talents.
-Shapeshift
-Hypnosis (doesnt use it)
-Fast healing
-Extreme speed
- the “failsafe”
- Super eyesight and hearing
-Soul sensing
disabilities or illnesses.
Chronic pain and slight brain damage. BPD, PTSD, Autism, Hypersexuality. Psychosis when under extreme stress
habits and mannerisms.
Stands on toes a lot, raptor hands, sways, runs hands through hair, Head tilt
introvert or extrovert.
… Both? Depending on the day?
religious or non - religious.
…. Im gonna say agonistic
verbal or non - verbal communication.
I dont understand what this one means- sorry-
something your muse could never forgive.
Lying to her
something that makes your muse smile.
Hmm.. somebody showing they actually thought of her
something that scares your muse.
Being hated by somebody she cares about
something that gives your muse hope.
……………. hehehehe- A lot of it is just “Well, that was new.. Anything else?”
how your muse responds to being helped / taken care of.
Big Love. Loves it. Doesnt like being treated as weak tho.
how your muse responds to unconditional love.
Cries.
how your muse responds to danger.
Ready to fight immediately, and will fight to the death if she has to. If it gets bad enough the failsafe will activate
how your muse responds to stress.
Badly- Will either breakdown, or self harm, or again, failsafe
how your muse responds to anger.
Run- Gets very violent and will Shout. Will aim for emotional wounds.
did your muse grow up too fast?
Yes.
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