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lovelyleclercs · 1 year

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Chapter Seven- Guilty Tears

Arthur Leclerc x Sofia Sine

->goodbye's have never been so hard for Arthur and Sofia, but this goodbye in particular held so much more behind it.

warnings: mentions of cancer, fighting cancer alone, mentions of death, I think that's it but please let me know if there is anything else, I don't know how cancer treatments actually go, I only ever heard of bits and pieces so if anything is wrong, I am sorry, I'm writing a fictional story regardless.

word count: 1500

a/n: I sobbed writing this one, sorry bestie boos

Seven days post treatment and Sofia was finally feeling somewhat normal again.

This past treatment had taken a toll on her, knocking her off of her feet for five days straight- only waking up to go to the bathroom or to try to get some food and water in her system.

Despite only sleeping most days, Arthur had never left her side once. Every time Sofia woke up, Arthur was in her bed, at her desk doing work, or even sitting on the floor reading a book.

Sofia had told him countless times that he didn’t have to stay- that there were far more interesting things he could be doing than being cooped up in an apartment with her all week long while she slept her treatment pains away- but Arthur insisted on staying.

When Sofia had finally been able to keep her eyes open for longer than an hour at a time, the two of them would watch a movie, talk about the upcoming F2 season, and eat food as long as Sofia could stomach it.

Sofia had appreciated Arthur’s company, it made the idea of treatments and recovery just a little bit more bearable, though she knew it wouldn’t last for long.

In a weeks time, the F2 season would be underway and Arthur would be home less and less, meaning that she would have to attend her treatments alone, recover from them alone, and fight off this horrible illness alone.

The thing she hated the most about it though was the fact that she would be unable to attend any of the races this year- at least not for the first half of the season.

Due to the intensity and side effects of her treatment, Dr. M had put Sofia on a strict no traveling ban.

Thankfully though, F2 did race in Monaco and she would be able to see parts of the track from her bedroom window, but that wasn’t the same as attending a grand prix weekend with him.

When Arthur came into Sofia’s room late that Wednesday night, she knew it was him coming to say goodbye. Arthur would be gone for three weeks, having no time to fly back home and visit in between race weekends.

Sofia looked up from her book and saw Arthur standing in the doorway of her room, his face holding an expression of sadness and sorrow- almost as though he felt guilty for having to leave her.

Arthur smiled sadly, walking over to her bed before sitting on the edge of it and picking up her hand gently. “I’ve gotta go… my flight leaves in an hour”

Sofia put her book down and nodded a little, her eyes meeting his for a moment. “Ok, have fun, I’ll be watching every session, you know that”

Arthur nodded and looked down at their hands as he felt himself getting emotional. “I’m sorry I won’t be here for your next treatment… I really tried to get some time off to fly here for the day but it’s just not possible…”

Sofia squeezed his hand a little and nodded. “It’s ok, Art. I understand. You’ve got a busy season this year, I can’t expect you to be here with me 24/7 nor can I expect you to be able to come with me to every appointment”

Arthur sighed and shook his head “This isn’t fair, Sof. You should be coming with me. You should be with me for my first F2 race”

Sofia teared up a little, the realities of how much this disease was truly taking from her finally hitting her. Arthur would never have a first F2 race again. She would be missing out on the start of what could potentially land him a seat in Formula 1- and she hated it.

“I know, Arthur. I know…” she whispered, her voice beginning to crack as a few tears managed to slip down her face.

Arthur pulled Sofia into a tight hug, not knowing what else to say or do. He hated the fact that he couldn’t even sit with her for very long-he was on a strict time schedule and this goodbye was already taking way longer than he had time for. “I’ve gotta go, but please know that I love you and that I'm here for you, even if I'm thousands of miles away, ok?”

Sofia nodded and pulled from the hug “I know, Arthur. I love you too”

Arthur sighed and let go of Sofia’s hand, pushing himself off of the bed as he made his way towards the door.

Sofia stared down at her fidgeting hands, already missing the hold Arthur’s hand had on them just seconds prior. Tears were falling down her face, a few drops landing on her hands in front of her. Silent cries, ones that she was hoping Arthur wouldn’t notice. She hadn’t expected this goodbye to be so hard- goodbyes were something her and Arthur were used to- but this one held so much more behind it.

It meant she would be alone for the next three weeks- Nobody to hold her while she suffers through her treatment, nobody to wake her up just to try to get her to eat or drink, nobody to keep her company when she felt alone or sad

It meant missing out on seeing Arthur start his F2 career, something he had longed for and dreamed of ever since signing his F3 contract two years ago.

But the one thing that weighed on her the most was the possibility that maybe this was the last time she’d ever see Arthur.

What if something happened when he was gone and she didn’t make it? The last memory she had of him would be that sad, guilt ridden face as he apologized for doing what he loved.

Arthur turned around as he was about to walk out of her bedroom. He didn’t fail to notice the few tears dripping off of her face and onto her hands, nor did he fail to notice the way her breathing had increased despite her being able to keep her cries silent. His heart broke at the sight before him, knowing that he was partially to blame for the tears falling.

Without saying another word, Arthur walked out of the room, knowing that even though it was the last thing he wanted to do right now, he didn’t really have a choice.

He got out to the car, climbing into the back seat as Charles and Charlotte occupied both front seats. “Someone really should have stayed with her, you know” he mumbled, sort of as a stab at Charlotte for choosing to attend a race instead of sitting with her sister, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that he was doing the same thing.

He could’ve chosen to stay home with her. He could have chosen to take a year off of racing and hoped that Rene would give him his shot at F2 next year, but no.

He chose to leave her.

He chose to let her fight this fight alone.

He chose to fly thousands of miles away to pursue his dreams.

“Sorry, that was rude of me to say, I'm sorry..” he whispered, his voice shaking as tears began to form in his eyes.

“It’s ok…” Charlotte said as she noticed the pain in his voice. “She doesn’t want me anywhere near her.. She only trusts you right now… I hope you understand why i’ve chosen to attend the first grand prix”

Arthur nodded and looked out the window. Charlotte was right. Sofia had pushed everyone away except for him. She only trusted him. She could only be vulnerable with him. She didn’t want to be around anyone but him. “Do you think I made a mistake by leaving her? Should I have stayed?”

Charlotte shook her head. “You know she would be disappointed if you had chosen to stop racing to be by her side. That’s what she was afraid of in the beginning and the main reason why she waited so long to tell you. She wants you to do what you love, Arthur.”

“Yeah but I can always do it next year..”

Charlotte nodded a little. “I say we see how this first race goes and if she really can’t handle being alone, then you can reevaluate the situation, ok?”

Arthur nodded “yeah, ok” he said before staring out the window.

Was this truly the right decision?

Would Sofia be ok without him?

Would he be able to perform well with so much on his mind?

Maybe he should’ve stayed.

Maybe he should have Charles stop the car so he could run back to her apartment and hold her in his arms again.

Maybe she would be ok without him.

Maybe she can handle this on her own.

Maybe she wants nothing more than to fall asleep in his arms.

Maybe she’s scared of fighting this alone.

Maybe tragedy will strike and leave them both wishing they would have done something different…

#arthur leclerc fanfic #arthur leclerc fanfiction #arthur leclerc fluff #arthur leclerc imagine #arthur leclerc #f2 fanfic #f2 imagine

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