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A friend of mine even told me over a year ago that:"there are Haruhiko x Toudou fics!", to which I got too much attention. Being a big fan of my boy Shinnosuke-kun, I never bothered to look for ships around him, but finally this pairing really clicked with me, now it became my sense of life☀️⚡... Ahh

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-Wisteria~🌱

My Read On Hiroki and Why He Gets On My Last Good Goddamn Nerve

First thing I want to make clear: I am not biased here. Although my favorite Egoist fanfiction on the planet is “Turning Back Time” By Lucicelo, this read on him is solely based off of my observations, interpretations, and is backed up with proof in the manga. I actually used to like Hiroki in the past, even made a fanfic and everything many moons ago (I was 16-17 shhhhh).  

Christ, where do I even begin with this fool? Strap in for this one, folks!

Welp, I guess we should start off by saying he’s a narcissist. This isn’t an insult, Hiroki is a textbook narc, he suffers from this. Why we’re starting here is because this is the baseline for his mindset and explains the drive behind most, if not all of his actions. This also explains the whole issue behind his ‘pride’ and avoiding things that are ‘embarrassing’. This also is a huge factor as to why the Egoist relationship just doesn’t fucking work and why if a relationship with Akihiko happened, Akihiko wouldn’t have been the likeable character he is now.

Hiroki is probably the most self centered character Nakamura has created next to Taka-no-means-no. In chapters told from his points of view, you never see him even consider anyone else or how they would feel. It’s all about how everything is impacting him and assuming that he’s always in the right or that he’s the victim in all this. During the stupid America thing, his head is so far up his asshole that he didn’t remember Nowaki being interested in studying a science nor their conversation about going to America because he thought it was appropriate to work on papers for school during a time he’s supposed to hang with Nowaki. 

Not to mention, most of his actions are completely self-serving. One of the majorly terrible things he did was sleeping with Akihiko. Instead of helping his friend through being devastated about unrequited love, he just took advantage of his emotionally vulnerable crush instead of the friend Akihiko needed. I think THIS is why Akihiko was so pissed off afterwards. Not just at himself but at Hiroki using his grief as an opportunity to make Akihiko fall in love with him. 

One that sticks out particular in terms of being self-serving is when he does nice things for others. But, almost all of those nice things are motivated by wanting to quell guilt or he’s fucking hammered. That was the main reason why he took care of Nowaki when he was sick which makes me confident that Hiroki wouldn’t have done anything at all if he wasn’t motivated by guilt. Why did he celebrate Valentine’s Day with Nowaki? Guilt! Why did he decide to take a bath with him? Guilt! Why did he even bother sending those bride photos back to his parents with that letter? GUILT! It’s hardly ever because it’s just a nice thing to fucking do or even the right thing. The only other time he told Nowaki he loved him? He was drunk! 

Narcissistic Rage: He’s not just a hothead, I think it goes deeper. While him being the Kamijou the Devil is funny at all, it’s literally just him in bouts of narc rage. That’s because students not listening to the lecture makes Hiroki feel like he lost control of his class and the fact that he’s being ignored in a threat to his self esteem. This also explains the many times he gets extremely angry when there’s an inkling that he is wrong and him lashing out by trying to hurt the person threatening/challenging him. So, not only do students get things thrown at them but it also explains why Nowaki does as well. HIs stubborness also stems from this, because he believes he’s right at all costs. 

Narcissistic Selective Memory: I bet there are a lot of problematic things about Hiroki that people forgot because only Nowaki’s faults are brought up anymore. While everyone loves to dogpile on Nowaki about him being a stalker, so was Hiroki! Hiroki was just as bad IF NOT WORSE! He not only wore disguises but he also would time his stalking to such a precise degree so that he and Nowaki would bump into each other so they could walk home together. He made a pattern to do this every seven or so times that he’d stalk Nowaki so that Nowaki wouldn’t catch on (but he DID because our boy is perceptive as hell). In a more recent chapter, Hiroki criticizes Nowaki for being a scary stalker.

Superiority Complex: So high and mighty, this guy. But, this is mainly evident by the way he treats Nowaki. For almost the entire relationship, Hiroki has treated Nowaki like a child. He would poo-poo Nowaki’s rightful concerns and accomplishments. He’d constantly talk down to him. Like, if this guy wasn’t making fun of Nowaki he was putting him down. This is what lead to Nowaki finally blowing up at him which brings us to our next thing- 

He didn’t just take advantage of Akihiko, oh no, he fully takes advantage of Nowaki’s kindness/selflessness. Hiroki is aware of what he can get away with, evident by the way he assumes that Nowaki will just stay quiet and agree. Also by the way he will automatically just reject whatever Nowaki has said to him because he knows Nowaki is too nice to fight back. If Nowaki is openly upset, this is where Hiroki’s guilt starts. 

Hiroki is Junjou Romantica’s BIGGEST HYPOCRITE: Not just from him only pointing out and criticizing bad things Nowaki did even though he did them himself, but the fact that he can’t take criticism himself. I think it’s very weird for someone to constantly be so judgmental of everyone around them but then not be able to take what they’re dishing out. This is evident why the way he acts when Nowaki was “sick” and was telling him that he ran off with the idea before he fully listened. You think Hiroki accepted that and changed? Haha, NO. 

Which also ties into his emotional immaturity. Listen, Hiroki, fuckface...can I call you fuckface? I’m gonna call you fuckface: you can’t tell someone that you don’t care what they do while also not wanting to act like you want to be in a relationship and then get mad if it seems like they’re taking your advice. You also shouldn’t hop into a relationship when you’re still in love with someone else. THAT’S RIGHT! You guys think Hiroki has gotten over Akihiko at all? Absolutely fucking NOT. He even said that he’d always love Akihiko but that he loves Nowaki ‘a different way’, but I’m not sure what that different way is? I mean, the first thing Hiroki thought about in terms of Nowaki was not his kindness or concern for his well-being, but that his hands were similar to Akihiko’s. Also, the whole thing about Nowaki not being allowed to call him by his first name but Akihiko being able to that is just another red flag to me. He’s also immature in the way that he barely faces his problems. He has run away figuratively and literally many many many many many times. Lastly, he barely takes any initiative in the relationship and has Nowaki constantly carrying their relationship. 

Which brings me to the part that boils my fucking blood: Hiroki treats Akihiko better than Nowaki and is a lot softer with him. With the way he speaks to Akihiko vs Nowaki, who gets to refer to him by his first name, the way he’d drop everything to read a manuscript- it is so fucking obvious that Hiroki would treat Akihiko so much better if they were together. I sometimes get the inkling that it frustrates Hiroki that Nowaki isn’t Akihiko. 

Does that mean Minimum is better than Egoist? Yeah, no. Akihiko would not have blossomed into the beautiful flower that he is now with Hiroki because there would be no motivation for him to change. Hiroki would enable his bad qualities since he’s accepting of a lot of Akihiko’s faults and the strained relationship with his family by both of their lack of empathy. Evident by the way Hiroki did fuck all to encourage Akihiko to move on in a healthy way and the way he kind of idolizes him. The other side of the clash is Akihiko not putting up with Hiroki’s narcissism, immaturity, and quirks as a whole. Akihiko does not take any of Hiroki’s bullshit, even now.

So, what even is Egoist then? Well, kind of quoting Bojack Horseman here, Hiroki sunk his claws into the one person on the planet who will put up with his bullshit and make him the center of the universe. Nowaki is wearing rose colored glasses, so all the red flags just look like flags.