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aardvark-123 · 6 years

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Gensokyo Festival Day 9: Eiki Shiki’s Personalised Guide to Self-Improvement

Too busy for an endless string of spell-card duels, our beloved yama has decided to put some of her wisdom into writing. I suggest you read it closely; even if you aren’t the person each section is targeting, you could learn something useful.

...No, she’s not standing over me with “Disrespecting a divine being” written on her Rod of Remorse. Why do you ask?

Reimu:

Stop pestering people for donations. A polite request is acceptable, but prolonged begging is obnoxious and discomforting.

Remember to ask questions before shooting. You are the natural rival of youkai, it is true, but that is no excuse to bully them without reason. With humans and other beings, take extra care that you do not attack them unless you truly must, since they can be more fragile than youkai.

On the other hand, try to avoid forming close friendships with youkai. Remember that you are a shrine maiden, not an aspiring jinyou.

Good work with that fortune teller, by the way.

Most importantly, please at least try to commune with the gods on a daily basis, and keep looking after the one who resides in your shrine. I will not hide the truth from you: If a high-ranking god is sufficiently fond of you, they might order me to allow you into Heaven or place you in their service as a Celestial. That is an unreliable and manipulative strategy, however, so I do not recommend it.

Marisa:

Stop lying. You lie so much that it has become a habit, your automatic first line of defence in almost any situation. Deception will ultimately do nothing but drive your friends away and destroy your reputation.

Stop stealing as well. Patchouli's books are her own, and nobody is going to take your claims of 'long-term borrowing' seriously. Give her back her books.

You must try to think about how your actions affect other people. The world does not resolve around you, and all the people you have burgled, assaulted, lied to, humiliated and sexually exploited deserved better. They are living people, not just your playthings.

Look, just... Just try harder, will you?

Sakuya:

Try to be a better friend to your fellow humans. Although far from ideal, the witch and the two shrine-maidens are decent people who have at least a vague fondness for you. Politeness costs nothing and can always brighten somebody's day.

Put some thought into your future. Although your power over time is impressive, it will not save you from the ultimate fate of all things. You can save yourself from a long sentence in Hell, but only if you are willing to apply yourself.

Try to become a positive influence on your employer. Remilia's sins are almost beyond measure, and even the many millenia she could live will barely be enough time for her to redeem herself.

Youmu:

Avoid spending too much time in the Land of the Dead.

At least try to take your role in life seriously. Your nature as a half-phantom is a gift, but it can very easily become a curse if you do not strive to balance the life and death inside you. Use the powers of your swords sparingly, your own power even sparinglier more carefully, and heed the wisdom of your mistress.

(I will ask her to make her advice easier to understand.)

Perhaps most importantly, have some faith in yourself. You are not perfect, but nobody is. You are a strong warrior and a talented gardener capable of great things. Do not lose yourself in a mire of self-doubt.

Reisen:

Apart from one large sin, you have lived a largely wholesome life, so keep it up. Be dutiful in your work. Be kind to your friends and colleagues, stand by them in times of hardship and war, and make the time to relax and have fun with them.

While carrots may be incredibly delicious to a rabbit, you must not allow yourself to become dependent. Carrot addiction has destroyed lives before, and no matter how certain you are that you can handle it, you probably cannot. Try to limit yourself to two carrots a day.

I probably do not need to remind you, but in the interest of thoroughness I shall. Do not desert a second time.

Cirno:

You would do well to learn some humility. Powerful you are, but there are many beings greater than you, and even a weaker fairy or youkai could defeat you with skill, determination and a small helping of good fortune. Do not let your strength become an obsession. In the end, what matter are the deeds you do, the friendships you make and the marks you leave on the world.

It is not a sin for a fairy to become a youkai, but I urge you to have caution. As a youkai, you will have a duty to scare humans, but you will also be able to die at their hands (and the hands of others). You must be willing to accept your own vulnerability and your need to cooperate with others, or else your career as a youkai will be brief.

If you remain a fairy, stop picking fights with everybody.

The Prismriver Sisters:

This is absolutely crucial: BELIEVE IN YOURSELVES. Each of you must find yourself a purpose for existing and then live out that purpose with all of your heart. Make that purpose a part of the very core of your being and become She who "Insert Purpose Here". Um, so to speak.

(Mainly for Merlin) In general, please try to act with kindness and dignity each day of your life. Being a good person costs nothing.

Mystia:

Concentrate on your surroundings and be mindful of other people. With the power you possess, it is vital that you avoid singing unless you know nobody will be harmed.

Your friend Kyouko is a practicing Budhhist, so please do not expose her to meat, alcohol, foul language and glorified violence. If you lead an innocent soul to Hell, you will almost certainly find yourself suffering alongside her.

Try to offer a range of vegetarian food in addition to lamprey. While you are unlikely to be punished for selling only fish-based meals, it would be courteous to allow your customers a choice.

Tewi:

Your attitude urgently needs to improve. Whether you admit it or not, you are a devious little madam who delights in causing chaos and misery. Your actions once led Reisen to contemplate suicide. If you cannot accept the consequences of your behaviour in this world, the consequences will most definitely be done to you in the next, and nobody will skimp on the lemon juice when they prepare your cactus bed after your week-long shift in the salt mines. So, seriously, put an end to the "harmless" pranks and start helping your fellows.

Also, flattering those who have authority over you will only make things worse.

Aya:

As a journalist, you have two of the greatest and most terrible powers of all: The power to create history and to manipulate the truth. It is best if you use the former only to tell the truth and never use the latter at all. Lying is not harmless fun, it is a terrible sin.

Try to exercise restraint while you investigate things. I have watched you win spell-card duels without once looking up from your notepad, and you are bound to cause a catastrophic accident sooner or later.

Frighten more humans as well.

Medicine:

You must let go of hatred and learn to embrace those around you. (Although, hopefully, not literally.) Your heart has been closed for too long. There are many good people in the world, many kind-hearted children who truly adore their dolls even if they do not recognise their personhood. Do not begrudge humans for what is in their nature. I, too, am trying to change that, and I know that anger will accomplish little.

Consider getting to know some of the stronger youkai and those immune to your poison. Do not approach them with fear or aggression and do not mask your true personality; instead, let them see the true Medicine Melancholy within. You will find that most strangers are merely friends who have not yet made you.

Yuuka:

Your pride and anger are both far too great. To the humans, you are almost a goddess of destruction; to the youkai, you are the foul-tempered older sister whom nobody really likes. The only true friend you have is the firefly youkai who pollinates your sunflowers. No matter how powerful you are, attacking everyone in your path is an act of pure evil which cannot easily be forgiven.

Remember that, no matter how much fun you may be having right now, violence and cruelty are never worth it. If you bring suffering to innocent people, you will suffer far worse treatment in time.

Also, contrary to your belief, I am not your rival. The only rival I have is sin itself.

Please, PLEASE do not try to become an embodiment of purest sin just so you can call yourself my rival.

Komachi:

Stop sleeping when there are departed souls in need of transportation. As inconvenient as it may be for you, people can die at any moment, and as a ferrywoman you must be ready to take to the water at any moment. The fate of the world rests on our actions, and there will be terrible consequences for every being if you do not pull your weight.

Laziness is a sin, and I will not let my inexplicable fondness for you stand in the way of an accurate judgement. Even you will die eventually, Komachi, and I have borne witness to many sins on your part. Just something to bear in mind when you go drinking tonight.

Speaking of which, there are many herbal teas for sale in the Human Village which will help you sleep soundly. Have you tried sleeping at night rather than through the afternoon, Komachi? Research has shown that diurnal shinigami are among the happiest and most productive.

Lies and flattery are not the way of an honourable shinigami; they are the way of a sinner. If you are to speak to me with respect (which I would strongly encourage), do it all the time, not only when you wish to curry favour. Lies and excuses will only make you look bad and erode my already-minimal trust in you.

A healthy, balanced diet is also important. Your great strength and stamina will not last if you continue to gorge yourself on beer and tempura, to say nothing of the marshmallows which you so endlessly devour.

I only have a large, warm chocolate pudding with a delicious molten centre every OTHER day, so please do not embarrass yourself by trying to shame me.

I have also seen you picking your nose. Do not try to deny it, you will only insult my intelligence and make yourself more likely to receive a harsh sentence when you die. It is disgusting and unhygenic. STOP IT.

Your love of erotic manga is more forgiveable, but I will confiscate any such volumes I find about your person while you are on duty. At least try to be professional.

One last thing, Komachi: When you are next in the Human Village, could you pick up some more parchment and a small barrel of rice? We seem to be running short. Tell them to charge it to the Ministry as usual.

#gensokyofestival #eiki shiki #touhou #listicle #please don't hit me lady eiki

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