anyone else weirded out by the idea of renaissance faires on the west coast of the united fucking states. why we are pretending we're in europe in 1578. excuse me sire this is coast salish land

Mind Your Business // Dabi x f! Reader

an anon suggested a reader with a mind-reading quirk and honestly i got this idea within MINUTES and my horny ass couldn’t resist. oh god. im so thirsty some please send help oh my f-

tags/warnings for lots of dirty talk, cunnilingus, creampie, i dont even know man, this is just a mega horny fic that i wanted to be extra extra filthy. lots of big horny energy

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‘Boredom’ seemed to be putting it lightly. Anyone looking around the room could read the atmosphere of total disinterest on every face, in every voice. This was probably the most quiet things had been in months, and it was obvious that some were having trouble adjusting. Tonight was a night like so many others had been, members of the League, having nothing better to do, settling down for some drinks and polite conversation.

Well, mostly polite.

“I’m saying that meta-builds are stupid and over-rated!”

“They’re only stupid if you like to lose, scrub.”

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re stupid and a horrible player.”

Spinner and Shigaraki were having another one of their little NEET discussions that you couldn’t quite keep up with, some sort of debate about a game you’ve never played made by a company you’d never heard of. Both of them were pretty decently intoxicated and it was starting to bring out their pettier tendencies, which also meant you couldn’t really chat either one of them up to entertain yourself. Toga was currently stuffing her face since she wasn’t old enough to drink while a very drunk Twice rambled at her side, his erratic personalities clashing as they jumped from one topic to the other.

You’re just settled quietly into your own chair. The group’s Villain activities had slowed to a crawl recently in favor of laying low and avoiding attracting attention, so your schedule was fairly barren yourself. Shigaraki and Giran always made sure you got honest pay for helping them out, and over the last few months they had come to accept you as a comrade, even if you didn’t quite see yourself as a Villain. Regardless of ethics or semantics, the League appreciated your help. Your psychokinetic Quirk was a huge help to them, whether it was moving things with a single thought or reading someone’s mind for much needed intel. To be honest, it kind of felt like a second family.

Your thoughts drift back to the present, sipping at your drink again as you studied your fellow heathens in arms. Shigaraki and Spinner had started talking about some anime, Twice snoring loudly as Himiko decided to play on her phone. It occurs to you that the only other person who’s being just as quiet as you is Dabi, sending a glance over to the Cremation user slouching in his chair as he stared off at nothing in particular yet hardly even blinking. There was a little twitch of his lips here, a quirk of his brows there. For someone who almost always seemed to have some sassy jab or snarky reply, you've never seen him look so lost in thought before, so focused, contemplative even. It would be a lie to say you aren't the least bit curious what he's thinking about, and out or habit, you decide to... listen in. What was everyone’s favorite bitchy arsonist thinking about today?

I wanna fuck you so bad.

Hearing such a crude statement in Dabi's deep voice brings heat to your face. He's still staring off at the wall, and breaking the connection is something you know you should morally do

 ...but you don't. In fact, you want to hear more.

Such a sexy little thing and you don't even know it. Struttin' around here looking all nice and pretty for me. Why do you keep tempting me, little girl? Don't you know what you're doing to me? My cock is fucking aching just thinking about being inside you, but you won't even give me the time of day. So cruel. 

Your body is running hot as you're trying not to stare, egged on by some sick curiosity. Who's the girl? And just how filthy are these thoughts going to get? Oh god, this is wrong, a total invasion of his privacy, but you just have to hear all the details you can get.

God, I just want to ruin you. I bet you would make the sweetest little noises the whole time while I dirty you up and cover you with my cum. You'd look so cute. You'd squeeze around my dick so good, you'd be the best fuck I've ever had.

Dabi shifts in his seat, taking another sip of his drink as he rests a cheek against his fist, lazily staring off and completely unknowing of just how horny he was making you.

I wanna run my hands all over your thighs and feel how soft and squishy they are. Watch you squirm when I start giving little love bites and kisses, getting nice and close to that sweet spot in between your legs.

You'd like that, wouldn't you babygirl?

Suddenly his blue eyes snap to you, and a large smirk forms on his lips as your eyes widen, beginning to sweat as the Villain stares you down.

Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, sweetheart. Didn't they ever teach you it's rude to poke around in someone's head? Naughty girl.

Knowing all these dirty things are directed at you is throwing your heart into a tailspin, pounding hard and fast and excited. What? Excuse me? He wanted you? To fuck you? In graphic detail? Him? With you???

Look at that cute flustered face you’re makin’ for me. I bet you're totally soaking right now. Do you want me to eat your wet little pussy?

You can't contain the small shudder that runs through you as your eyes jerk to look elsewhere. There's a strong throbbing between your thighs, and you're burning with shame and arousal as you can't deny it: you're so fucking turned on right now.

Of course the teasing bastard can tell.

Ha, it's written all over your face: you're a dirty little girl who wants me to run my tongue up and down her pretty cunt. All you have to do is say it and I'll do it. Do you want it? Do you want me to suck on your clit until it's all cute and swollen?

You pray no one is looking as you shudder hard, no longer able to even look in his direction as you promptly stand from your seat, taking a moment to clear your throat. “I-I think I’ve had a little too much to drink. I should probably head home before I’m knocked out.”

Dabi keeps his expression neutral as he takes another sip of his drink. “It’s late; all the creeps like to come out around this time. Think you’ll need someone to walk you home? I gotta do some stuff of my own anyways.”

Only the two of you know exactly what he’s insinuating, and you swallow hard. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I’d... really appreciate it. If-if you want to.” There’s a small, flustered little smile on your lips, and the young man smirks, pulling himself out of his chair to pop his neck. “Alrighty. Guess I’ll see you losers later.” The Cremation-user chuckles, making some sort of vague hand gesture that remotely resembled a wave to the few other League members around as the two of you headed for the door. Toga slurps on her juice as she watches the pair of her comrades leave together, and a toothy grin forms on her face as she looks to Tomura and the rest of the group.

“You just know they’re going to go have a little tussle in the sheets. So scandalous!”

Shigaraki groans, avoiding eye contact with a slight pinkish tint to his pale cheeks, Spinner snickering under his breath. “I don’t wanna hear it, psycho. I don’t care what they do as long as it doesn’t mess with what we do here.”

A bit of a lie on the quite frankly jealous Villain’s part. Honestly, he wouldn’t mind taking Dabi’s place, but you had made your choice, at least for this evening. Maybe next time, he wonders...

----

It’s quiet as you head down the sidewalk, and you dared to send a glance to Dabi to see he has a devilish smirk that makes your face heat up instantly. “You know what’s gonna happen, right?” The young man teases, walking beside you as you can’t bear to look at his face. There’s not anyone around, and that means he doesn’t have to censor himself as he speaks without shame.

“God, I’m going to destroy you. Are you looking forward to it, baby?”

You can’t bring yourself to speak, averting your eyes, but your timid nature just seems to turn him on, and there’s a hand on your ass, squeezing the soft fat and making you squeak. “How long’s it been since you’ve been fucked, huh? You’re actin’ like a little virgin over here.”

“It’s... been a while.” You mutter softly, burning all over like there were flames under your skin. 

Dabi just smirks. “You have done it, right?”

Your body just burns that much hotter as his hand doesn’t retreat; even as you swat his arm away, it just returns again. “Well, yeah, just... only a few times. And stop that! Someone might see!”

“Oh? Just a few times?” There’s a sense of intrigue in his voice that sends shivers up your spine, and his hand snags your hip to make you walk right beside him. “You ever take it raw, then? Get a big load of cum in your pussy?”

It’s like his words burn you, a quivering in between your legs as you shake your head. “I-I mean, I can’t risk getting pregnant... and quit being so nasty! What if someone hears you?”

A deep chuckle, and the man grabs your shoulder to stop your steps, making you look at those sharp blue eyes. “Baby, if you didn’t like me bein’ nasty, you wouldn’t have let me come with you after hearin’ all the shit I was thinkin’.”

You bite your lip, and he can see the quiet need in your eyes. “How far’s your place, cutie? How much longer you gonna make me wait?”

His hand pets back and forth over your hip, and another wave of warmth washes over you. Just one sweep of your eyes over the man at your side and that lust-filled gaze of his and you’re not sure how much longer you’ll be able to wait either. You shift on your feet, thighs rubbing together with a palpable excitement quivering in your belly as you’re stared down like prey, and a peek downward reveals a very noticeable bulge in the Villain’s tight loose pants. He looks thick, and you fight to repress a shiver. “We’re... almost there. Just a few more minutes, and then we can... you know...”

Dabi looks pleased, giving you a smirk of nothing but teeth.

“Lead the way then, girlie. Make me wait much longer and I’ll have to fuck you in an alley somewhere.”

---

You should have been able to guess how desperate he was by the way his stares never left you. All his teases and taunts, and yet he was the one who wouldn’t stop fucking you with his eyes. The key to your apartment had barely stopped turning in its lock when you’re all but shoved inside, the door slamming shut behind the young man who all but bowled you over with the ferocity in which his mouth captures yours. Eager hands secure you into place, fingers tangling in your hair, the other on the small of your back and both pulling you closer. He tastes like rum and cola, a particular sweetness on his tongue as it’s so energetically pushed passed your lips, all of your whimpers swallowed up by a hungry mouth that threatened to devour you. The kiss is hot and heavy, Dabi grinding his hips against you, friction sending pleasure shooting through his restrained erection before the Villain’s pulling away, kicking off his shoes, shrugging off his jacket to reveal a tank top with arms scarred from years of battle and Quirk-use. 

“Start stripping.” He orders, voice low and heavy with arousal as he starts fumbling with his belt. “Take it off before I tear it off.”

There was no need to tell you twice, especially as he starts stepping out of his pants to reveal some deliciously tight-looking boxers, his raging cock all but threatening to burst open the seams. You’ve barely worked your shirt off when he’s pushing you back against a wall, dropping to his knees with a strong grip yanking your pants down, calloused palms rubbing your thighs and lips planting a kiss to your panties. Blunt nails lightly scratch as they snag under the elastic waistband, and your heart feels ready to explode when the Villain pulls the intimate fabric down to your knees and licks his lips.

“Wait, don’t you want to--”

Your protest is hushed with a single look of those piercing cyans, his hands briefly frozen in their place on your legs. “I said I wanted to eat your pussy, didn’t I? Just sit back and enjoy it, baby girl.”

“B-but I-I mean, shouldn’t I like, I dunno--”

He just snickers, and whatever you were going to say dies down as the tip of his tongue nudges at your clit. You lean back more against the wall, nervously shuffling your legs further apart as you feel a scarred face bury in between your thighs, the flat of his tongue starting to give little kitten licks up and down your pussy, always ending on a drag against your sensitive pearl. A little whimper escapes you, hushed and whining, and those blue eyes are on your face as you swear you can feel him smirk against your folds. Another chaste kiss to your clit, his skin a unique friction as his lips form a seal around your cunt to suck on the throbbing bud.

“Fuck...” Came a gasping breath, one of your idle hands finding purchase in that messy black hair, and you notice a subtle change in Dabi’s movements as you pet his head in encouragement, those sucks and licks to your clit becoming more frequent and dedicated. Your juices are beginning to coat his chin as he holds onto your squirming hips, practically pulling you down onto his face with an eagerness as if this was just as much fun for him as it was for you. More and more keens and moans are being let out as a graze of teeth has you all but grinding down into his mouth, and there’s a humming as the man beneath you groans. A fog of arousal is growing thicker in your head, and a certain tilt of your head gives you a full view of just one of the reasons Dabi has starting making noise: he’s jerking off his cock while he’s eating out your cunt, eyes half-lidded as a tight fist works up and down his dick, slick with pre-cum fluids and swollen with the need to orgasm. The more ferociously he licks your pussy, the harder he strokes himself, his dick leaking slick from that swollen, reddened tip.

“Dabi... please...”

You’re not even 100% sure what you’re even asking for, but leaving the decision up to him seems to pay off, knees straining as he pushes himself up to stand, finding yourself pulled into another embrace of mouths where you can taste your thick essence on his tongue. The Villain practically manhandles you as he shifts his hold to your sides, spinning you around, grabbing your wrists to push your palms into the wall as he grinds into you from behind, hot skin against hot skin as his breath ghosts against the back of your neck. “Better not lose your balance, toots.” Dabi purrs, bending you over till you’re braced forward against the surface beneath your hands. ass out for him to rub his dick against your puffy folds.”I’d hate to stop right at the fun part.”

Dabi is practically thrumming with excited energy as he slowly pushes his hips forward, letting his thick cockhead breach your folds and plunge deeper into your heat as the Villain groans. “Ugh, so hot and wet.” He shuffles forward to bring himself closer to your body, easing the way of his movements as he begins to give deep, slow thrusts. “Nice and tight, just like I thought you’d be. You shoulda let me fuck you sooner, baby. We coulda been havin’ fun this whole time.”

Lips part to say something, anything, but any and all words are snuffed by the pumping of his hips against yours, desperate, fast. There’s no pain, no resistance, just your soaking pussy clenching around his thick cock like a vise, all but sucking it in with every thrust. His rhythm is vicious, impeccable, eager to stretch you out to the shape of his girth, driving straight into your core and causing butterflies to flutter in your belly as even your eyes threaten to roll back.

“Fuck yes,” Dabi growls, and his nails unwittingly dig into your hips as his slap against you. “God, what a good fucking cunt. It keeps clenching on my dick like it’s hungry for cum. You want that? You want me to fill you up?”

A sob leaves your mouth, a sinful noise lost in pure physical pleasure as your back arches only to push yourself back into his touch. “Please! Please, please fuck me!”

He chuckles into the crook of your neck, scarred chest rubbing against your back, every staple and stitch electrifying as it scrapes against you in your euphoric haze. “As you wish, princess.”

Dabi is relentless, driving his cock deep inside of you like he’s trying to break into your womb, a dizzying mix of pain and pleasure sending the pair of you into a frenzy. Your walls quiver against his nonstop pounding, nails raking the paint from your apartment walls as those wonderfully pistoning hips threaten to take away your ability to breathe, let alone think as you just want more, more, more.  The Villain is rewarded with the treat of hearing you cry out again and again, your knees shaking as he works an arm across your stomach to help hold you up, tears welling in the corners of your eyes. It’s becoming too much, too much, too much...!

“You gonna cum?” Says a voice rumbling against your skin, a tongue tracing the shell of your ear as you sink further into incoherent bliss, the sound of his pleased teasing seeping into you like an aphrodisiac. “Go on, gorgeous. Cum on Daddy’s cock.”

You can just barely register fingers rubbing against your clit before you completely crumble, wailing as you squirt, fluid gushing onto his hips and thighs as you cum hard, the ripples and pulsing rocking through you like an earthquake as you can barely keep yourself standing. He keeps you upright purely by a predatory hold on your hips, an arm across your stomach to position you to the perfect angle before he calls out your name in one final, deep thrust. Hot jizz floods into your pussy, coating your walls and beckoning your womb as you’re kept flush against his hips, grip tight and unyielding, refusing to let you try to escape the thick seed painting your insides white. 

“Fucking take it... take every drop...” Dabi groans, his teeth lightly sinking into your shoulder, marking you like his bitch and keeping you in place as his cock pushes out the last few drops before he relents his bite. “Nice and stuffed... all mine... my little slutty girl...”

“Dabi...” Your voice comes out like a whispering whine, hitching in a way he found as just the cutest little thing. He’s still high on endorphins and orgasm as he pulls out, peppering your neck and shoulder with kisses and gentle nibbles like some sated beast. Clumsy hands drunk on sex lazily grope your breasts, pulling you further upright as your trembling knees protested the burden of your weight, your neck craning to meet his mouth with your own when a light peck is placed to the corner of your lips. The cum starting to trickle down your legs is like a whisper of a touch that you barely notice as you let yourself be consumed by his kiss once more, It’s sloppier than before, both of you drunk both figuratively and literally, and you’re graced with yet another of those Typical Dabi Snickers.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes. All blissed out when we aren’t even done.”

He must have seen the twinkle of excitement in your eyes, his arousal slowly reigniting as he kisses along your jaw, his voice prideful and ever so pleased, a mischievous grin on his features that sent heat coiling deep in your core.

“That’s right, naughty girl. You didn’t think you could tease me for so long and get away with just one little fuck, did you?”

Your voice cracks slightly, but you give a teasing smile all the more.

“Not at all. Do your worst, Daddy.”

Dabi visibly shivers as you throw the pet name right back at him, and there’s an inferno of lust brewing in those deep blue eyes as his hands squeeze your ass once more.

“Alright, baby girl, you asked for it. Just don’t come crying to me if you can’t move after I’m done with you. I think we have plenty more fun to have with each other, after all~❤”

ok so me and some friends have been talking about how much we loved greyson especially because of how meta it was and i wanted to ask if there was any more thought put into the show outside of canon, like who the characters are or about hsin and boyd watching it (like the plot point boyd predicted, that was so cute)

Hey! lol it is hilariously meta to have in there, isn’t it? haha

I don’t think we talked a ton about it beyond just generally what the plot would probably be based on the original story idea. I ended up getting super distracted multiple times in the course of trying to answer this because it got me curious to look back at old notes lol

!!!!!!! Oh my effing god - I legitimately thought we hadn’t talked much about the plot of the show itself but after searching around and remembering that apparently we spelled it Greyson some places and Grayson others I found way more info. (btw the Greyson is probably my fault more recently lol I spell gray as grey so I bet over time I flipped it in my head to being Greyson when it was probably Grayson canonically, but I can’t remember for sure what’s actually in the book itself)

ANYWAY I found a July 20, 2010 email string between “Sonny” and me about Grayson/Greyson with a lot more notes on the whole thing. So it turns out I do have some extra info, shockingly enough.

I put it beneath a cut in case of spoilers. 

THIS IS DIRECTLY FROM MY EMAIL - SO IT IS GOING TO PROBABLY MAKE NO SENSE/BE CONFUSING AF/HAVE NO CONTEXT - also since it was just a regular chat back and forth we were kind of shooting the shit figuring it all out. just a forewarning :) only changes i made were clear spelling typos that made it a little confusing to not fix

+++++++++++++++++

July 20, 2010 emails figuring out Greyson/Grayson 

8:49 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

btw in grayson i thought of doing an homage to what we originally were going to have icos be, so i thought your one guy could be the one who has the lung sickness in there and we can have whoever we want as other characters. i imagine the one who lost everyone and is all violent to be cypress but he will have his real name, Akiva, because cypress is in my fantasy series. for some reason in my mind, the Feral is named Annika and she's basically a Feral by the end of the first season, and also some of the other characters who werent affected by the war as much probably are basically in middle class or nicer areas. so for some reason in my mind, there's a rich girl named Daphne (could be a different name) and at the end of the first season, she somehow got caught up with Annika (maybe kidnapped?) and the show's plot lines seemed to be implying Daphne will end up as a Feral eventually. im not sure if it'd be Daphne then that people think died at the end of the first season or if it would be someone else. regarding your character (was it Nate?) i think he had a sister didnt he? i thought maybe if he did, he thought she died in the war but actually she lived. she was at a friends house or something so he never saw what occurred with her and when he went there everything was destroyed and the bodies were too mangled and burnt to be identifiable. but maybe she doesnt remember anything or she's hurt in some hospital and recovering, and eventually they could run into each other but she may or may not know who he is. the only thing is i dont think we should have the secret agent aspect to Grayson but we could have one of the other characters be some vigilante or law enforcement person of some sort if we wanted. or we could leave that out altogether. i also completely arbitrarily chose 7 characters so you can increase or decrease as you like.

8:51 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

also these are just random ideas for the series plot which isnt that important anyway so you can feel free to add/change/suggest/whatever... i just wanted to email you those general ideas before i could forget

8:53 am - email from “Sonny” to Ais

im kind of confused by people becoming ferals unless they were kidnapped and kept among them for long periods of times? because i implied that ferals were people who basically never left the wastelands after the war and became mentally and physically changed because of the way they live and what they saw, so i dont think it would make sense that someone "becomes a feral" unless theyve been kidnapped for some reason and held there for several years until they forget who they were/adapt to the life in the wastelands/bombed out cities. also though, the ones who live very far from working cities and towns are cannibals

9:00 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

well originally i was thinking she'd be kept there for a long period of time but actually in the context of the show that wouldnt work. so maybe people just thought she was going to be killed by the ferals and eaten by the cannibals at the end of the first season. or she could have nothing to do with the ferals; it was just an idea. also, someone else couldve been in danger of dying in some more normal way, like just a fight with scavengers or something. maybe an unexploded bomb went off too, who knows. or they could also touch on the rebels and have some rebel attack put someone in danger or someone joins some rebel group. i dont really care, theyre all just random ideas im throwing out

9:04 am - email from “Sonny” to Ais

i dont care about what all happens but like you said, her being kept there for long enough time for that to happen wouldnt work on a show unless there was a time jump. i assume the show takes place soon after the war

9:05 am - email from Ais to “Sonny”

yeah so forget about the turning into a feral thing. the main thing was i just thought it could be kind of fun/cool to get in parts of the original icos idea

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Rereading that now, I feel like I sound a bit bitchy in my replies on the feral stuff, even though in looking at it at this moment I think “Sonny”’s response makes total sense and I agree with “him” on that part of the email. No idea if I was feeling pissy/impatient that day and I truly was a bit tetchy in my replies, or if I was just super distracted writing or editing so I was being especially lazy about punctuation and paying attention to tone and accidentally made it sound a little more abrupt than I would if I were trying to be careful about that.

Anyway this seems to be the majority of the extra info I have on it. 

not tryna be a bitch but im just wondering, what the *point* is, of reblogging/replying to s5 content, or whatever, with your emotions? i mean obviously i get being angry and im still angry too and i dont agree with the people who r upset that we r still angry. but i just do my best to ignore the people who r excited. i dont reblog their content or anything. i just interact with my circle of tm friends i still follow who still make stuff. and share posts with them to rant at in private. idk

hi last anon here sorry im kinda regretting sending that last one cause i feel like it came off different than i was intending but i just saw your post and ive been trying to figure out how i feel about the whole thing for a while cause im always hyperaware that people who make posts can see my reactions. ur post is just the one that i happened to see when i was thinking about this (1/2)

cuz i saw other conversations about people reacting and stuff in the tag and its just that im a little confused and lost at this point how to best interact in fandom after something like this. im sorry if i came across as rude and i kinda feel like i did by accident but im just trying to understand cause even tho a lot of people are being bitchy about it some people are also making some points and i dont know how to feel about it. sorry again for dumping this on you (2/2)

Okay! This is A Lot ™ but I am kinda the most Middle Lane person I guess. So *cracks knuckles*

To open I will also kind of explain myself a little bit. I myself am a fan content creator for The Magicians. I make edits, fanart, cosplay, and write fanfic for The Magicians! Also really niche and specific text posts where I go off for 45 minutes about a single Eliot outfit but that is just me being a weirdo that is Very Into Costume Design.

About your Ask;

As for avoiding the people that are excited about it I myself sort of do that? I still follow a lot of the content creators mostly because they are friends of mine. There are a couple that I definitely do not follow though because they are a little bit too enthusiastic so I myself do avoid them!

Most of my rants are in private group chats with people that are like-minded with what happened in The Magicians. So I'm not sure what you're getting at with going at me with that particular comment. The post that I made is not about The Magicians in general it's more about the fandom because there are a lot of people that are angry at people who are upset and angry still. And it was more about that and sort of an ableism sort of situation from a while ago. This is an old post that I reblogged today it's not a post that I made for today.

Not to be my stereotypical self I guess (I'm sort of like the flower child of the fandom if you will ⁠— I talk about flowers a lot as well, anyway.)

But we are all just humans. We all went through the same event. We all handled it differently. Some of us are handling it better than others yes that is correct. But those of us that are still upset are allowed to still be upset. Those of us that are excited or allowed to be excited. Do what you want be how you want Express Yourself how you want!

I mean from what I'm aware of and I was a part of Tumblr back in 2011 until 2014 before I took a break until March of last year? But especially with personal blogs that just have like an undertone of magicians to them a lot of people use personal blogs kind of like an online diary so they just kind of post how they feel? Idk posting emotions is just like "why do you write music?" "Why do you create art?" "Why do you write?"

Which can all roughly be answered with The Mortifying Ordeal of Sharing Pieces of Ourselves. We're just sharing how we feel/think/process/what we find interesting/etc into the void that is the universe and hoping for a connection out there. We're just trying our best.

That's really all I'm saying here!!

Really the whole argument that others are having (not really me, but i digress) is about tagging. And it's a bunch of people wanting to dictate how people tags things. Which I understand if it's under an umbrella tag like "The Magicians" or "Eliot Waugh" everybody that is following those tags is going to see it. So if you are tagging it with umbrella tags be prepared for people to notice it that you might not expect to.

I tag my s5/anger posts as "the magaykins" like do what you want! Do what makes you feel best about what you are putting out into the universe! But it is going out into the universe and other people will see it.

Again, I am fairly neutral as far as all of this goes. I'm really middle of the lane like I'm still upset about what happened and everything and I am not excited for season 5 but I'm still contemplating watching season 5. But I'm not like Always Making Angry Posts, either. In fact I am mostly just posting generic Magicians content lmao. I mean right now I'm working on a painting that's a scene from season 1. And then I have another painting planned but it's not from a season, it's technically from the books.

I'm just doing my own Weird Little thing here. I'm not particularly angry I just have 2 Frustrated At the Fandom posts.

Because I am! I'm just frustrated with people trying to dictate how people should feel and project on Tumblr about this particular fandom! We're all in different head spaces! We are all entirely different and separate people and we can all processes in our own ways and we're allowed to do whatever we want it's just frustrating to see people try to control others in the fandom.

That's my particular frustration.

Also just the fact that there is such a huge divide in the fandom between being excited for season 5 and pretending that season five doesn't exist. But I understand ⁠— and I get it, and there's nothing that I can really do to change that, but I also hate that we are so divided by this. But that's a Whole Other Thing. And I can't change that one, sadly.

Also I think that the people that are excited about season 5 feel like the people that aren't are like mad at them for being excited??? We aren't.

We just want to be sure that any triggering content related to the events from 4x13 are Tagged so the people that get triggered by the imagery from that scene are taken care of.

That's all ⁠— from what I am aware of from my perspective. I don't know about others this is just me.

Your local flower child, Eliot costume obsessive weirdo, that goes by Key.

I arrived at school a bit late this morning, but I doubt the teacher noticed. She was a little more focused on the study guide review. I did poorly. I feel stupid. I was so proud of myself for turning in the study guide early when in reality, I didn’t even do a good job.  

In robotics, Cody mentioned that I had been very salty the past few weeks. (No shit, Cody.) I explained to him all that had been going on and he offered to message Taiga through TEAMS to get to the bottom of things. They did not take it well. Assuming I couldn’t see their messages, he made a couple of nasty remarks about me calling me and entitled bitch. Call me crazy but I swear I’ve been mentioning this whole time that the reason I’d been so conflicted about the situation was because I know I'm not entitled to love? It was all very distressing. I’ll give Cody some credit, he is capable of being mature when he really has to.  

Another odd detail that he mentioned was that apparently Taiga had asked him for nude photos and Cody sent them. I hope Cody is lying about this for a number of reasons. For one, that could put him in serious danger.  

On top of that, they’ve been together for only two weeks and they’re exchanging nudes? Taiga wouldn’t even kiss me. I think it’s because I’m trans. Taiga doesn’t want to date a trans boy, they want to date a real boy.

But I’m not here to make this about me. The main concern is Cody’s safety and how Taiga put him at risk when he asked for that photo. That’s something that is incredibly hard to forgive.  

I messaged Taiga during math and informed them that I knew what they had been saying about me over group text.

[9:26 AM] Cipher

We dont need Truck to middleman for us, if you have an issue than talk to me.  

[10:19 AM] Taiga

I don't have an issue I'm just confused and frustrated.

[10:37 AM] Cipher

Umm... you literally called me a bitch like two hours ago

[10:37 AM] Cipher

I was sitting right next to cody  

[10:38 AM] Cipher

and entitled  

[10:40 AM] Taiga

sorry im pissed

[10:43 AM] Taiga

i say irrational shit when im pissed, im really sorry

[10:48 AM] Cipher

No, youre not

[10:48 AM] Cipher

If you were sorry then none of this would have happened

[10:49 AM] Cipher

Stop saying youre sorry when you arent

[10:56 AM] Taiga

What do you mean "it never would've happened"

[10:56 AM] Taiga

I genuinely don't understand that

[11:05 AM] Cipher

You continue to say youŕe sorry for everything but you never change

[11:05 AM] Cipher

Your apologies mean nothing to me

[11:07 AM] Taiga

Fine, it can be that way

[11:08 AM] Taiga

I valued you as I friend, I apologize for not changing since I don't know how

[11:08 AM] Cipher

No, Im not finishyo

[11:08 AM] Taiga

Alright, continue

[11:08 AM] Cipher

You dont get to walk away from this because I am sick of having to be the bigger person all the time

[11:08 AM] Cipher

Anyway I dont have time right now, im in math

[11:08 AM] Cipher

We can discuss this as a later time.

[11:11 AM] Taiga

I would like to say, I don't know how to be the bigger person. I don't understand how. I was never taught how to take that role in this kind of situation.  

[11:11 AM] Taiga

But yes, we can discuss this later

The bit I mentioned about how he never changes goes back to last year. He had been being bitchy to everyone to the point where nobody was speaking to him except for me. He would meet me after all of my classes and make me tell him what the others were saying about him. He snapped all the time for no reason and expected us to forgive him because apparently, he had anger issues. It’s been nearly a year since then so I figured he’d grown and changed. I was clearly mistaken.

I am sick of Taiga blaming all of his behavior on the way he was raised. Being raised poorly or having certain mental disorders does not warrant shitty behavior. Guess what, Taiga? I was also raised by a shitty dad and I also have shitty disorders. I can’t keep justifying this and I can’t keep letting everything go.

Their group chat shutdown shortly after. We were informed that the school knew that we’d been messaging each other during class time. Lucky for me, I had never taken part in their bullshit.  

~~

We had a sub in math class today. I admired her attempt to relate to all of us with memes and silly voices but it was legitimately painful to listen to her.

~~

This week was Kindness Week at school. We were to nominate a student of our choice and write a few short sentences as to why.

~~

The lunch was absolutely appalling. I swear the next time they server me chicken that’s colder than my ice water, I’m calling Child Protective Services. You could literally squeeze water out of the chicken. They gave us a muffin that was both raw and soggy. I would rather have eaten grass.

~~

I found a way to listen to music during 8th period. I just lean into my headphones discretely and the teacher never notices a thing. I’m a genius. I listened to The Black Parade which will take up about one class period.

scandal - cliques and sex

**i really love my manager, he was the manager at my store about 3 years ago before i transferred, he then left and then came back about a month or so after i transferred. i've came to him with so many problems - both work related and personally due to various things such as the death of a family member, mental health and even because i wanted time off to do some silly uni assignment last minute. he let me leave 45 mins early one day because i looked upset - he's a gem. and its not just me that he does this shit for - its everyone. i get on with him personally as we have similar interests. he's a pretty good boss most of the time, and he's never been an asshole to me.**

this is kind of a fuck-managers, fuck co-workers thing but anyway my work has broke into proper scandal recently. 

ANYWAY, its highly likely my boss is fucking one of my co-workers, let's call her becky so i don't refer to her as "this girl" 24/7. shes 25, hes 30. 

it's a huuuge story and we basically need to speak about it all for it to all make sense. (and believe me this is the cut version) 

when my boss become the store manager for the second time, everyone was happy cos he's amazing but there was a lot of giggling like, "oh becky will be happy, she loves him" blah blah blah all that bullshit. anyway, she had a boyfriend at the time and he was in a pretty serious long term relationship. i never thought anything of it, cos he is a pretty man and he seemed to be her "type". 

flash forward to about a year later, late 2016, she gets promoted to keyholder. she did a lot of opening shifts - often with my boss. again, i see no problem with this. she's full time and she gets on with everyone. progression. good for her. 

but this is when shit gets nasty! she becomes friends with these two part time girls - obviously there's nothing wrong with this but they form a pretty brutal clique. they managed to get shifts together and just sorta stood and spoke for the whole shift, had their lunches together and did no work whilst hating on everyone else for not doing work, idk whatever. they have this whatsapp chat, where they added pretty much every girl apart from me, a girl we will call "sally" (who similarly, fucked our old supervisor but thats a different story and they date now so its not as bad), the xmas temps, the other full time girl and the mature student whose part time. i cared at first but i got over it pretty soon. 

becky became very nasty to sally, basically because sally seen through her shit and called her out for being a bitch. becky managed to turn most of the girls away from sally, apart from those not in the chat and one of the girls in the groupchat ("emily") who never contributed. sally spoke to my boss about it because she was feeling really shitty, and he just kinda swept it under the carpet - very not a him thing to do. sally couldnt take it and ended up quitting - which is a shame, because sally was probs my closest friend at work.

i spoke to sally about this at a later date when we met up and she said that when she opened with becky and the manager they ignored her and made her do stupid tasks whilst they did really minor jobs together. she said it reminded her of what her and her now boyfriend used to do at work. this opens my eyes a lil, and i noticed anytime i am working with them that they talk a lot, and go on lunch together - my boss normally takes his lunch alone when shes not in and he used to drive home and eat it with his girlfriend - or he'd sit in a cafe.  

jumping a little bit, i was on a shift and was on the phone to a manager of another store, he asked to speak to our manager, and i couldnt find him anywhere. when i finally find him i just hand him the phone, not saying anything because the store was really busy. it sinks in as i walk away from him that i caught him crying. he doesn't properly bring it up again but he asks me and a few other people "what would you do if you saw me crying" - i feel mega guilty but act as if i honestly didnt see, cause its awkward. idk if i mentioned it before but he has like major depression, possibly bipolar but hasnt confronted his doctor on this (i dunno how many people know this) and like, i think some things get to him. like if him and the area manager disagree, or if him and his girlfriend fell out or if he fucked something simple up. hes quite reserved during the xmas period, and very unlike himself. i mention this to a supervisor im very good friends with a few weeks later and they tells me that hes been having problems with his girlfriend and she got rid of their pet dog, for no apparent reason.

so thats...really shit.

at some point becky and her boyfriend break up, im not sure but i notice after a facebook stalk at the start of 2017. this is around the time my manager starts to act more like himself and work feels more normal.

and this is when shit gets more obvious and more weird. 

there's a shift im on with the manager, emily and one of the boys we work with. one of our other managers is getting married and my boss recommended him his friend to be the photographer. so we're all talking about weddings and getting married and children. when we ask our manager about this, he acts flakey and says he doesnt want to get married. its left there but im in with the same people (excluding boss) and becky the next day and the conversation picks up - becky says she really wants to get married but doubts it will happen because she'll "probably fall in love with someone who doesn't want to get married".

my boss starts using his phone on the shopfloor, snapchatting and texting, it gets to the point that our area manager BANS him from using his phone. myself and other staff members notice that he's snapchatting becky a lot. emily tells us when she went on a night out with "the girls" (from the groupchat) becky wasn't off her phone, snapchatting him with "the girls" but then hiding her phone and texting him when she thought nobody was looking. obviously, her little clique seen nothing wrong with this, or blindly ignored it but by this point emily was sick of her shit. 

we win a staff night out. long story short, they go off together for ages. 

another time, she goes over to his house (that he shares with his girlfriend) with the shitty excuse that he was gonna fix her laptop, cos "he can fix them". 

i hear from the same supervisor that told me before about his relationship problems that his girlfriend was looking for jobs in another city without really consulting him. so things are pretty bad. 

emily (bless her) left the groupchat after too many bitching sessions. they start targeting this poor younger gal at work that becky decides to randomly argue with on facebook. they all claim they dislike her because "theres just something about her". i think the gal knows that becky despises her for no apparent reason and is sick of it so she blocks her. they dont really work together anyway, so idk, its a bit drastic but i suppose its fair. emily defends her and leaves. the next day at work, she shows us the whatsapp chat. 

becky screenshots a conversation between her and boss that has statements like "tbh i only hired her because she was hot" and him making a meme of her. its HORRIBLE. its so out of character and weird. and it seems even more fishy that becky is stirring it by showing a large chunk of the work group. personally i feel like becky knows exactly what shes doing, idk, i feel like shes took advantage of the pretty good nature of our sometimes unstable manager and make him like this. i have no idea, i could be biased cos i really like him - he could be using her as a bit on the side, taking advantage of the fact she always had a crush on him.

someone tells other management about the whatsapp, cause y'no... its sick. and emily shows the other managers the picture, and they call him up on it. he seems to be pretty apologetic about it but idk. becky sends emily passive aggressive texts about the whole thing saying she trusted her and whatever blah blah blah... i dont care. its a lot of shit.

someone at my work calls my manager on the way he is with becky and apparently just breaks down into tears and says he left his girlfriend last night and slept in his car. about a week later, someone else calls him out on it and he says he knows he's "been a dick" and kinda ignores the confrontation. i think hes back in his house now, no idea about his girlfriend.

beckys girl posse dont know anything about it, or claim not to, not even the two who shes closest to. i go to the same uni as one of them and one day we meet for lunch, it comes into conversation and she says "well its not any of my business" i try and remain neutral and say if they are doing anything its not fair on either of them and she says: "no its not fair on becky if he doesnt want to date her and only wants to fuck her", goes bright red and changes the subject. 

a few days later, emilys brother who works in a takeaway where becky lives sees both becky and our manager ordering (emilys brother comes into our work a lot - just before the "how did he know who they were" bullshit). he tells emily, and says to her just to say that he saw him, apparently he went bright red about this and quizzed emily on when this was (obv because he knew he was getting caught in this scandal) but she said she wasnt sure. 

so, this week, becky and my manager were caught coming to work together, when they live in complete opposite directions of eachother. i think someones reporting him and i think becky might be transferring to another store.

this is all confusing and a clusterfuck but it feels like something that would happen in a soap opera and its something that i thought i should share.

if there's any updates on either

- the clique being more bitchy

or

- manager/becky relations

i'll keep y'all posted!

If you use your OCs (ill give them the title...space jam...) if space jam is normally in the voltron universe how would they all interect with the paladins + Alura and Coran?

space jam asdskdksjdfs

the more i think about it the more the characters seem a lot like the paladins lol....cept ASH their just a bitchy Coran

this got SUPER long so its under the cut, but i really enjoyed writing this lol

(keith really got the short stick in this tho cause i havent thought of anything plus i dont think hed really talk to them he doesnt seem like a people person)

Shiro:

He’d like Cirus for the most part, both leaders and level headed and protective of their kids team, but they’d probably fight for who was leader lmao.

If you’re a leader, ASH (especially after she was recently created) is a fuckin nightmare. They would never listen to him. How Shiro was with Slav is basically how they’d interact in the beginning. 

that being said, once ASH develops as a person (robot?) shiro would probably start treating them less like something he gives orders to and they execute, but more as an actual person (they kinda are, they do develop their own thought and ideas) 

Mala’s kinda skittish and reserved around new people but they’d bond over similarities, both don’t remember a lot of their captivity, got a cool white tuff, missing limbs replaced with weapons. they'd get along.

I honestly don’t know how he’d feel about Val? like he’d appreciate her smarts but she’s already cirus as a father figure but when he dies (spoilers for a story ill never publish lol), shed probably get really attached to shiro bc hes very similar to cirus 

Again with Aice idk how he’d interact with them....like shiro would probably train with them and would make sure they didnt get seriously hurt but theyve just got nothing in common or anything to talk about.

Pidge:

With Cirus, i feel like he’d remind her of her dad and so she’d be kind of distant from him at first and wouldn’t really interact with him. they would eventually talk cause cirus acknowledges that shes a huge part of why missions work and he needs to be closer with her.

Pidge would LOVE ASH so much. pidge would constantly work with val to upgrade and fix them and pidge would constantly interview them to see how they can have individual though when theyre a robot! shes so fascinated by ASH and surprisingly, ASH is really nice and protective of Pidge. 

ASH is programmed to care for those who are hurt, and because ASH can read people like a book, ASH quickly learns about her missing father. ASH and Pidge are the new platonic power couple of the group.

She’d probably be just acquaintances with Mala. Kinda like Shiro and Aice, Pidge wouldn’t want Mala to get hurt and vise versa but they just dont really know each other (and are okay with leaving it at that.) 

She’d admire Val. After all Val literally built her new bff so...jk pidge really does look up to val and they talk about techy and science shit a lot that only hunk and coran can follow.

Her and Aice would connect over small stuff like being so far from your family, and their love for creating stuff. Aice would teach pidge how to sew for sure (Pidge would want to know how to make fabric based casings for different robots and aice knows how to sew soo)

Keith: 

Honestly with all of them I don’t thin keith would be super close with any of them.

Like he’d talk with them about interests that aline, Aice with training, Cirus with leading, Val and ASH with technology. But beyond that theres no real connections.

(this might just be because im not a huge keith fan so i dont bother to give him connections lmao)

Lance: 

He’d look up to Aice and Cirus, they’re both super strong and amazing with guns. The three of them would bond over cool downs after training, getting food and chatting. He knows a surprising amount of information about them because of said food and chat sessions. 

He asks Cirus to teach him to sniper and how to spot angles etc. With Aice they just train a lot bc theyre both long range.

He tried jokingly flirting with Mala once but noticed she left and was super uncomfortable so he went to go apologize and they talked and he learned a lot about her too.

what im trying to say is lance has a skill for reading people and can relate to literally everyone 

he went to go look at the stars one night and found val overworking herself so he invited her to go look at the stars together and they bonded over that fact that they both miss their family and home. 

Val promised to take lance to Ashara sometime because its a lot like Earth, its 85% fresh water, 7% salt water, 5% rainforest, and 3% beach.

lance cried, so did val

He thinks ASH is super cool but they fight a lot. someone who gives out every idea they have mixed with someone who only narrows down what the consider the ‘best logical plan’ would not get along most the time.

Hunk:

Same with pidge, he fucking loves ASH. he sometimes joins pidge during her interview sessions with ASH but just asks random questions rather than pidges statistical ones.

“whats the one stop tool to fix a broke cooling system?” “a contermator” “dont know what that is so im gonna say youre wrong, its a wrench!”

loves cooking with Aice and again, they train together a lot because, again, both long range and they teach each other their different skills. aice teach hunk how to clean a super computer cooling system (aka ASH’s room), and hunk teaches them how to fix a ship. 

He doesn’t talk much with Cirus or Val. Again, cares for their well being but they just don’t have much in common to talk about. 

Val does teach Hunk a lot about ASH’s system tho and sometimes joins him and pidge during their time working on ASH.

He tries to teach Cirus to cook but that man is hopless.

SPEAKING OF COOKING he hates malas godly bread skills.

how does she NOT know how she does it? she doesnt have a recipe???? nothing! JUST GODLY BREAD!

jk he and mala bond over cooking, hunk again tries to teach mala how to cook and she learns pretty quickly (isnt as good as hunk tho) but whenever she tries to teach him how to make bread it never turns out as good ;-;

Coran: 

Cirus is happy that hes not the oldest one anymore. Both Coran and Allura are sure Cirus is altean because of his markings so Coran’s first idea is “Im now this boys father”. Coran likes telling him about altea and in return Cirus tells him about the different planets he been to during his time as a soldier.

a family can be a ten thousand year old 50 year old and his 27 year old kid

Close with Val and ASH. ASH is honestly intimidated by him because they know hes a really good mechanic and might even have been world knowledge than her. Val and Coran like talking science shit and build little things together.

Once Val told Coran that he reminded her of her uncle and then that dived into where is her uncle/family, so she tells him basically her entire backstory (she kinda snaps it was a long week) and after that Coran adopts another kid

He doesn’t talk much with Aice or Mala but does enjoy their company, claims his cooking is better than Aice and has gotten into a few self defense debates with Mala, but they dont know much about each other.

Allura: 

Like Coran thinks Cirus is altean (backstory to that i have a headcanon that the altean race survived but theyre kinda hanging on by a string because i dobt every single altean in all of the universe was on altea the day it was destroyed. allura and coran survived why couldnt have others?) and she enjoys telling him stories of altea like coran.

she hates ASH so much and nobody blames her. ASH tests her patients a LOT and disobeys her authority a lot. Allura tried convincing Val to just program them to be nicer but Val wants them to “become their own person and grow” 

allura thinks thats bullshit

she then convinced cirus to convince val, it didnt work

she and val are pretty close, they like talking about their families and lost planets together (Ashara is still around, it’s just hidden and few have access to it) but they do fight over ASH a lot for the aforementioned reason.

Doesn’t really talk to Mala, Mala’s not a huge people person and is also very cautions. Mala finds it hard to beleive the princess of a dead planet from 10000 years ago is still alive so shes kind of untrusting of allura but allura is willing to give mala some time

She likes cooking with Aice and Hunk. Because all of the paladins dont have any other clothing asides from what they left earth with, their sleep clothing and their suits, and she and coran are they same way, she and Aice decided to take clothing requests.

they made everybody new pajams, some more casual clothing and 

An Explanation For YOU. You know who you are, at least if you read the first couple of sentences you will. If you’re not him, spare your time for something that was meant for you, which is not this.

I cant keep making you out as the bad guy when im the one who gave you hope an then swept you from your fet once you found sturdy ground. 

But then again they say with abusive relationships you tend to blame yourself. 

At least that’s what people tell me to make me feel better.

I cant help but think that in my reflections, i blame myself for things i claim I now would do differently, but in the moment i cant imagine anyway else i’d do. It’s unlike me to hurt others, even if they may deserve the ego break, and in the end me wanting to protect you, made me hate you and is what ultimately hurt you worse than anything i could imagine. It’s what made your eyes go cold when they gaze upon me, it’s my fault. Why I never told you this is because that was only my first mistake, my first time hurting you was hating you and blaming you an ignoring you, because I had retracted so far into hypocrisy, and I let everything build into anger. That’s why I left the way I did, why I lashed out, why I blamed you. I didn't tell you because I have no explanation for the second time I hurt you, I swept your feet from under you after I gained your trust again so quickly. You said you loved me after being apart for that month,my month of cooling off and apologizing, i came back expected out of my lonesomeness that you would accept me back with open arms and you did, and I got scared, and ran off again. And I have no reason to say why. I tried to blame you for it all again, I didn't want responsibility for hurting you, so i had to be justified in leaving again. I think I had only come back so soon because I was so lonely, I hadn't been ‘alone’ in the past 7 months of knowing you, we spent every moment free with each other, and that is partially what hurt us in the first place. Going from everything to nothing cause serious withdrawals and after the anger left I missed you, I missed everything about you and I couldn't imagine why I ever left you, i became obsessed with the thought of you, and being around you. So I messaged you and said I was sorry, and you said you were fixing yourself and you didn’t want ‘us’ to get in the way of that, and I cried, because I wanted you to be about me the way you were, because I didn't understand that my need of validation and my hypocritical tendencies were what hurt us so bad in the first place. My fear of having nothing to do, my not wanting to be alone anymore because I locked myself from the world, and you were finding ways to let me out piece by piece, and I cant deny that. That is all what made me come back to you, and the rush of you, and then you saying you didn't want me, but saying you loved me, hurt me. And then you admitted to an old habit of yours, keeping track of me on social medias after not doing so for a month, it frightened me because I remembered everything you did that made me so angry with us, and made me build up my rage inside in the first place, everything that i felt rushed back an I lashed out and I was angry again and I blamed you again and I left, again. After I told you i had regretted ever doing so in the first place. And I ignored you, once more. and after a while I began talking to that one guy you’ll never like, you said so. I spent so much time with him that I felt so happy, and free. He made me really think about all the wrong you had ever done me, all the times you were ever ‘abusive’ and I was angry, and hateful, and he helped me to really vent everything I had been saving up inside of me, all the things that you had done to me. He helped me so much when I stop to think about it, he made me happy and it was bliss. I could express my opinions freely an openly about you, an he cheered me on. I could be downright bitchy and he cheered me on, we were honest with each other, and it was like nothing else. but reality was smacked down so fast. He ended up having feelings, and our relationship was never really romantic for me, I always just thought of him as my best friend, I had never been honest with anyone before, and I couldn't reciprocate the feelings I had for him, even as I forced myself. he wanted things to be real so fast, and I liked him but it wasn't in the same way he did, I had feelings for him per say, but I think he felt it more.. real? He wanted a real relationship, to be boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe more. He started having dreams about us together, doing cute things, as couples would do. But I still was angry over you, and the last time we had talked, and everything. And that is what I told him, and he hated me for it, he said he wished he never fell for me, and he stopped messaging me first, he pulled back. He said that I was still in love with you, and hearing that scared me because I never wanted to hear that, I just wanted to be angry. As time went by I thought more and more of you, and I accepted that I was still in love with you, meanwhile this guy was being patient and he said he would wait for me, and I didn't know when I would be over you, he said that he was fine as long as I told him as soon as I was. I agreed because I did like this guy, and I liked his company. Now, things ended pretty quickly with him after a few days of not messaging him, because I was busy, and hadn’t opened Skype or discord to check if he had messaged, and I have his phone number and i had him on snap chat and he didn’t message me, so I didn't message him. Days pass, it’s the weekend and I get on my laptop to play League, and I open discord to see I have dozens of messages, mainly him just saying how if i was ignoring him on Skype i would be ignoring him on here, an he didn't know what he did wrong, and he was pissed at me. (I should note that in a burst of distaste i blocked and unblocked him on twitter because he was openly fat shaming anyone who he could find for the kicks of it, it disgusted me so I soft blocked him of twitter, he noticed that and called me out on it, so I got scared and blamed it on a twitter glitch) I opened Skype soon after discord and read all of his messages, all angry that I was ignoring him, because that’s what he took it as. He told me that if I really hated him to block him because the message would come across more clear than just ignoring his messages, I tried to explain everything that had happened to him but he was so angry that he called me a liar, and he wouldn't accept my side of the story and said if that was the case i should have messaged him on snap chat, or texted him. And yes I could have but so could have he, I was busy and didn't think of anything but school work for those days, less that a week actually. maybe 3-5 days i think. Anyways, so I was angry an I told him off, and like with you I forfeited my side of it and I blamed him, I blocked him on most things and said I didn't want to be in his life because I learned things of him (twitter fat shaming) that I didn't like in people I was associated with, so I didn't want to be his friend anymore, and I blocked him on just about everything but discord, and league, saying i wouldn't mind playing with him every now and then. After him I spent time alone, reflecting, I instantly knew that most of my anger was bull shit and I ha over reacted, but it was said and done and I didn't try to fix it like I did with you, and I let that friendship drift away. I spent time alone and thought, I was miserable for a while, but I soon began to uptake in actions I liked, like watching you tube and playing League again, and I met more people and made friends, and soon I left them because it was a commitment I didn't want to make, because it was so much after just trashing a good friendship i had, plus not having you. So I took more time to be alone and I did what I wanted to do, without the thought of others, and I played league when i wanted, and I left when i wanted, I did what i wanted and it was fun. I recently (over this break) got close with a group of friends on league I noticed myself today that i have been doing and thats filling them into my free time, and I cut that off today and spent time with my mom coloring, and going into the coloring with my mom i hated it because I only wanted to play league with them and be accepted by them, but reflecting now I am glad that i didn't get up and go to my room right away, because I made my mom happy in doing so, and thinking now i need to get my priorities into check. anyways, I have been doing me time tonight( this morning i guess now that it’s 7am)an i think I am finally okay with being alone, I think I can live with myself, without having anything to do. in the middle of writing this post actually i had an epiffany that I AM okay with being alone, that im not lonely anymore.  Now this may be just a random post that led nowhere involving you, im sorry I wasted your time in reading this, but i need you to know that I’m okay now, and I went into this writing, really missing you and reflecting on everything, and now here I am, and I feel at peace with everything. It may seem like a random writing though, because I didnt go back to rerea anything i wront, and my brain tends to be all over the place, and bouncy like with the topics im on. Anyways, I left this unedited and sloppy because it’s real, and it’s me. And it’s the truth, and it’s okay. 

I am okay.

And you?

You, are on my mind.

But i dont feel the urgency to have you, you’re just there. Maybe that’s good, maybe it’s bad, but it’s a step up from you being the only thing I can see myself having. I’m okay, and I miss you, but i ont need you. I dont need your validation, I want you in my life, but i think i’m okay meanwhile.