#maybe im being a debbie downer about all this and taking it too seriously like its just for fun | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

snixxem · 5 years

Text

troubled words w/ troubled souls.

TAGGED: @castleporthudson &. santanta lopez WHEN: Sept. 2019, during the hiatus, after Rachel’s death. NOTES: Fighting, talking around the elephant in the room (tana hooking-up with someone else, not together but feelings??), and just a lot more of that.

tana: if I send you a nude, will it be wasted for a sad hand job? Or am I sending it off to good hands?

finn: not in the mood, but thanks.

tana: are you ever in the mood to do anything but mope?

finn: i don't wanna do this, tana. finn: if you're just gonna push, just don't.

tana: so, we should continue to have two text conversations or not talk at all? tana: but hey, I guess punching people and suspensions are a way better way to cope than having a friend.

finn: how'd you hear about that? it doesn't matter. i'm handling it.

tana: my mothers the sheriff, duh-son. tana: not handling it, isn’t handling it. tana: I’m glad you’ve graduated from kicking chairs to assholes, but I’m not one of those assholes, finn.

finn: right. should've known better. finn: i get that it was eas- [deleted] finn: it's working for me. finn: it doesn't matter. i got suspended. it's over with. i'll go right back in a few weeks and it'll all be okay. no need to make a big deal out of it.

tana: I’m not making a big deal out the suspension, I’m making a big deal out of you being a zombie.

finn: a zombie? i'm doing fine.

tana: you’re lying to me. tana: I hate liars.

finn: and you're pushing. finn: i hate pushers.

tana: then I guess you hate me then. [a beat] tana: do you hate me? is that why you haven’t really talked to me? [deleted] tana: and if you hate me, then I hate you.

finn: i don't hate you. finn: seriously?

tana: then I don’t hate you. tana: what? I’m not gonna look like a punk, especially in front of someone who can’t bother to say more than two words to me most times. tana: are you drinking still?

finn: not like you're around for me to say much more than that. you know i hate texting. finn: what? no. i'm not.

tana: I’m trying to deal in my own way too. tana: well, I guess it was just that one night, but I didn’t want it to become a slippery slope, or whateva. [a beat] tana: why don’t we catch who did it?

finn: you don't see me hating on that, do you? finn: yeah, 'cause that would be the worst thing to happen. finn: no. i'm done with that. it's over.

tana: because you’re too caught up in hating yourself, that’s why. tana: you becoming a drunk? It’s not winter after Labor Day, but it’s pretty terrible none the less.

finn: i don't hate myself. i just think there's stuff i could have done differently. i fucked up. i was selfish. finn: it's not like that. i have control. it's not like i'm getting messed up all the time.

tana: now that you’ve recognized it, buckle up, and start moving on- or fix it. If you’re not gonna do that, might as well get it over with and have them change your name to Debby Downer on your birth certificate. tana: I’m just making sure, k? [ a beat] tana: I am [deleted] tana: I’m coming into town....

finn: it's not that easy. i can't fix it. she's dead. she's not coming back, so i can't really apologize to her and make things right. finn: when?

tana: yes you can, it’s not like people cease to exist when they’re dead. abuela says angels can come back to earth in any form. Maybe she’ll come back as one of those forever 21 sales rack skirts she always wore. Or a wasp. Either way, she’s listening. You could say sorry for all the things you don’t have to be sorry about, or whatever, she’ll be listening. tana: let’s find out what happened. We can help her that way. You know rachel, she’d want her story told. tana: Saturday.

finn: you think i haven't done that? look, i don't know if i believe that there's some higher power or whatever. it's stupid. i let her down and there's nothing i can do about that to change it. no one can change it. i screwed up finn: we couldn't find her in time to save her, so what makes you think we could find out what happened to her? finn: how long are you staying?

tana: I can’t imagine the emotional pissing contest you and ryder are having right now. tana: actually, have you talked to him? tana: FYI, you didn’t screw up. Unless you kidnapped her, stop. It isn’t healthy. tana: im doing it with or without your shit attitude. tana: I don’t know, until I can’t take it. tana: I want to see you.

finn: you've gotta be fucking kidding me, right? finn: i haven't, but i'm sure you have. finn: she needed my help. she reached out to me and i ghosted her. it's sorta my fault. finn: no, you aren't and i'm serious. don't do it. finn: i'm always here.

tana: only slightly. tana: you couldn’t have known this was going to happen. I’m sure she didn’t think this would happen. tana: what did she reach out to you for? tana: that’s the problem, we need to get you out again.

finn: let me guess. trying to keep your options open, huh? finn: yeah well. should've been there for her and i wasn't. finn: she just wanted to talk and i was too busy to do that. finn: out for what? what's the point?

tana: I am single. [a beat] tana: and just as open to options as I’m sure you are. tana: the last time I talked to berry I sent her a link to a plastic surgeon, we’re all in the ‘failed her’ boat, trust me. tana: to have fun. Laugh, you know, that one thing people tend to do when they’re open to happiness. We can even laugh at people if you don’t want to go full cheer, and keep it a little morbid. tana: and the point is I want too. So do it. tana: please.

finn: i don't need options. i don't want a relationship. i'm tired of letting people down. pretty sure that'd be just another let down. finn: we screwed up. finn: but i'm not happy, alright? i can't pretend to be okay. i don't know why everyone has to be okay. something bad happened and i can't just get over it. finn: we'll see.

tana: so, should I start buying clothes for your fifty cats since you’re set on being alone forever? tana: and neither am I, but it doesn’t mean I’m not gonna fucking laugh, and God fucking forbid, not feel like shit for a second. tana: we don’t have to be okay! But we also don’t have to be a walking doomsday parade. tana: whatever.

finn: i never said i would be alone forever. i just don't find comfort sleeping with people. not my style. finn: i need time, that's all. finn: you don't get it, do you? you think that i'm supposed to just be okay with everything. i'm not okay.

tana: then why did you sleep with me? tana: I don’t think you should be okay with everything. I don’t think you not being okay should equate to fights and suspensions. Or play an extreme case of the blame game, that has you as the self-appointed target.

finn: i wasn't looking for comfort. we were having fun, but i wasn't screwing other people on the side. finn: do you know people in town actually blame us? they think we should've done more. or that we're writing her off just to close a case. that guy got what he deserved and i'm not sorry for my actions.

tana: exactly, so I don’t know why you seem so against fun. tana: and FYI, when you were getting your world rocked by me, I was only sleeping with you. That thing was... tana: well, I was stressed, okay. tana: they’re idiots. Half of these people learned how to read, reading their way through food stamp pallets and oxy pill subscriptions. Those idiots don’t know anything. tana: plus, they’re probably scared. tana: I mean, I’m glad you punched him. Just no more.

finn: because i don't want to have fun right now, tana. finn: you don't owe me an explanation, okay? you're allowed to do whatever you want with whoever you want. it's not like we were a thing. finn: doesn't matter. they think what they think and it fucking sucks. finn: scared of what?

tana: I know I don’t but I still wanted to give it, so take it. tana: and I will continue to do whatever I want with whoever I want, but thanks for the advice. tana: is kicking chairs making you feel better about it? tana: that it could happen to someone else. whatever ‘it’ is that happened to Rachel.

finn: good deal. sounds like a plan. have fun with that. finn: don't you have anything better to do? i can take care of myself. finn: it's not going to happen to anyone else. we're on high alert.

tana: you’re being an asshole. tana: but fine, I’ll plan with my ‘better to do’s’ or whatever since you’re acting like a dick.

finn: i’ll be around if you decide you wanna hangout. if not, have a good trip or whatever.

[day after] tana: you smiled yesterday, and you didn’t peel-over. Congrats. [deleted] [too morbid- not the season for that.] tana: I got a couple cute photos. Ones of you and Buster too. You might make it to the gram. [deleted] tana: I like you. [deleted] tana: I want more of that with you while I'm in town. [deleted] tana: thanks for today babe, now next time we can stay in all day. ;)

#iphone:finn #iphone:all #finntana

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