#i dont think i want to know ehat if be like without some kind of companion or grounding item with me. i dont want to imagine me without em | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whisperwillowsoftly · 4 years

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AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I want a gay hug. Just an innocent shirtless hug with a boyfriend. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK FOR AAAAARGH

I'm just having a lonely moment, I should be somewhat over in a few days. I'm just very much a person of physical contact and touch and hoping without from certain people literally hurts. I have family that I love but it's not that kind in which fills that part of me. I was born with family and so those ties were near guaranteed to me. The grounds were already there for love to exist. The people that which I need right now are those to which I formed my own bonds. Helped to build the foundation in which we both worked on. We didn't start with love between us but we worked on it and we made that from what we have built together.

As of now I'm not in a relationship. In actuality I never have been. Never kissed, not even hugged someone in a manner greater that platonicacy. So I don't understand why I crave it. There has been one who came close, he was so much to me, I couldn't call it love but it was certainly romantic and more than the simple liking of someone.

He awoke something in me that hurts me now. My knowledge of the capacity in which i can care for another in a romantic way is overwhelming. So much so that when I can't satisfy this hunger for emotional connection it hurts.

I know some people see the progression of emotions of platonicacy, romanticism, and so forth to be linear, but I see them as different paths in which people walk in your life. I dont believe platonic relations lead to romantic ones. I just believe at some point we chose to show other people a different route in our lives. My platonical relations are beautiful and I have learnt to understand them on an incredible level and am still learning. But I don't believe they are meant to walk a different path, or 'develop' into romantic ones. As I could never and never wish to see them in such a light.

To me he was marking out a dirt path in which other will follow in my romantic relations. However as I have never actually explored this path in my life in completely new to the sensation these emotions bring me, and the overwhelmingly empowering hold they can have on you. I'm used to people leaving poisoned breadcrumbs in my path of friendships so the recovery isn't as slow as it first was. But this is my first poisoned trail in my path for a romantic partner/boyfriend. I know I will heal in time, but that doesnt negate the holes in the ground and spoiled soil in which he once stood.

I hope none follow your footsteps, but are able to steer clear of the wrong turns you took on your way through my life. I had imagined my future with you.

As I'm sure you're aware.

And I may never know why you did ehat you did.

And why you took the path you chose.

But I surely hope you don't regret what you did.

Because then my healing and the marks you left on my life won't have been for as much, as if you feel you made the wrong choice in someone else. Dear Connor, I don't know you and likely never will. I'm not sure he knows what he really wants. But don't let him hurt you. Wether he realises it or not her has a lot of healing before he's ready for what he thinks he's ready to have with you. Make sure he gets the therapy he needs, I say this sincerely and not out of rudeness. He's gone through a lot and hasn't learnt a single healthy mechanism to deal and work though his past. I gave him all I could, my advice, wisdom, experience, past, future and self sacrifice. In the end that was too much of me. Please don't make the same mistake. If you are to be his boyfriend in time. Make sure to not also become his therapist. Take it from me. Both can be too heavy. There are things he isn't ready to hear from a boyfriend. I never became one for him, a boyfriend that is. But the promise of a future with me was too much as in the years prior I was some form of unqualified therapist/ pulling from life experience advice giver and we were great friends.

And to Reece, I feel we have surpassed the time in which we are to be in one another's lives. I will cherish the years we were close as friends. And will heal from the last 6 months we had being more. Or at least you were to me. I won't hold you against that forever if that brings you any peace. It certainly does so for me.

I think that this is goodbye, old friend.

#emotions #emotionalstuff #healing

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acnara · 7 years

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okay, so I was on ao3 and I think I stumbled on your account on there. Could you tell me about the valour!harry au pretty please? I absolutely LOVED it!

OKAy so im gonna tag @darling-potter bc u know i saw that comment on ao3 (❤) and i thought hey lets combine this and give like. A big chunck of plot away lmao so anyway

• This whole Valour AU thing started when Cursed child came out (me, stating the obvious) because @trippingonflatsurfaces and i just couldn’t wrap our heads around WHY valor. Like, its such a explicitly Gryffindor trait?? It could not be to make the public think of the dark lord a a hero i mean, they were torturing Muggleborns in the freaking castle and had dementors wandering around i dont think JK’s Voldemort was all about that politics life ya know. So why?? Was it like, a mockery of his 2 enemies, both Gryffindors?? But then why not courage (100% identificable no fake gryff trate) or boldness (sounds more of a mockery than valour) was it because it started with V too and Voldemort 36 times champion of acronym competition liked the sick aesthetic???

• well you get the idea we where half making fun of the idea half actually trying to understand why Voldemort would allow people to say his name and why pair it with Valour of all things like one would think he would go for something more like himself

• and then, like the true shipping trash i am, the unverse forces that rule the harrymort ship descended on me and gave me The Idea

• why would Voldemort, who has spend YEARS making sure his name was feared as a way to impose fear and respect suddenly let other people just say it like it meant nothing. Like, not even Lord Voldemort Day or anything, and as Chelle put it, why not my lord or the Dark Lord WHEN IN THE BOOKS HE IS REFERRED AS SUCH 987661% OF THE TIME?

• well maybe

•MAYBE

• he is not the only dark lord.

• maybe ppl cant just say “my lord” or “the dark lord” or “you know who” anymore and actually know WHO they are talking about

• and if there was another dark lord and people went around saying “for Voldemort and Valour" and not something like "for Voldemort and THE Valour”

•hey maybe there was something there

• maybe they needed no “the” bc Valour was not a trait, but a person

• Valour. Such a gryff name beautiful

• and which gryff bitch do all of us shippers love but would also have chances at surviving Voldemort’s rein??

• well no other than fan fave Harry *well shit u my horcrux???? U cant die now* Potter.

• and guess who is supposedly death since the Battle of Hogwarts, when he realized he was a horcrux?? Well harry potter

• so the thing was: what if harry is still alive? And what if he was the other half of the saying, lord Valour???

• at this point chelle and i were fangirling already bc it fit so well with the narrative of curse child??? As in it made no fucking sense but it /could/ if you believed enough. And boi did we (do we) believe

• anyway we made the back story, as in, everything that happened before the lord Valour persona was like “created”. I’ll sare with you both common and personal headcanons bc i like talking and i cant shut up apparently

• so. Cedric diggory kills Neville. That’s cursed child explanation to why Voldemort won. And then, Harry finds out he is a horcrux. He goes to the forest and ya know his friend neville died, murdered buy this guy who used to be nice and friendly till harry beat him in the tournament. And y'all know harry, who would he be if he didn’t think every single murder in this series is his fault in some way??? So maybe he goes to the forest feeling less numb and conceal dont feel dont let him know and more of a mess.

• and in true every harrymort fic ever written Voldemort finds out harry his horcrux that night via mind reading or something

• next thing you know harry is a dungeon been tortured bc keep him alive is not the same as keep him unharmed while everyone in the world knows it. No dead HP folks, just he being tortured to insanity.

•and you know somewhere in between the torture and the taking over the world and the harry trying to remain as sane as he can chelle’s fave trop comes to play: good old lima/Stockholm syndromes

• Bc you cant spell canon based harrymort without a lil bit of these two.

• so bam there u go they want/love each other (i tried to kinda hint this in the fic but I’m not sure if i succeeded?? Voldemort’s whole i did not like him but boi do i like him no w)

•and anyway yes that is the background for the fic. Eventually they reach a point were Voldemort wants ppl to respect harry (he is mine anything mine fucking perfect blah blah we have all read this paring before) and lord Valour happens, bc harry is pretty badass on his own

•Wait did u forget about harry being tortured till insanity well u shouldnt have thats ehat is gonna give us a plot for everything after my lil fic lol

• so Scorpius. As a lil background in what imagined he would be in the cc world he would be an asshole. He also flirts with Valour/harry bc he doesnt know better. Hint at why Voldemort doesnt like him

its a type of harry vs bella but low key bc its just irritating that the little shit would really think he has A Chance. Verry. Irritating. Harry plays the Scopius has a crush card often he finds it hilarious

• anyway this new scorpius acts weird time travel etc. Harry investigates and he opens a portal between the two worlds following scorpius. And badumm tss harry finds out the other harry

•this harrys life is boring. Married to ginny go figure. Auror. No parseltongue. Boring, lord Valours life is way more interesting tbh

•some plot was gonna happen amd then woah wait this harry has something he does not. This harry has kids.

• so u see where a lil insane harry is going right

• ITS CHILD KIDDNAPING TIME THEY ARE ALM MINE NOW SUCK IT BELLA U HAVE DELPHI??? I HAVE 3 KIDS BITCH.

• Voldemort would ended up finding out of course. He is not very into the kids, but shit what??? Harry married the read head???? Does he have to kill her in every fucking dimension to keep her away from what is his???? Yeah harry you can keep your new pets of you like i guess

• Just yeah. Very plotty okay this are like random details and scenes bc harry and ginny would want to save the kids and dimension bs everywhere but yeah the idea was a bit of a war between the two worlds and everything kind of Dead Man’s Tale just not at all lmao

• anyway we wanted to do lots of things and you are totally welcome to join i love this au

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one-shoop · 4 years

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Watching "clean with me" videos gives me so much anxiety. I know I have too much stuff but it just feels so bad to throw it away. I used to wish I hadnt ever seen a toy/plushie/clothing instead of like, being stuck. And now I just -- I'm torn between feeling overwhelmed and being desperate at keeping stuff that matters to me. I don't know what to do.

This one vlogger talked about how getting rod of stuff wasn't always abou the stuff -- it was about you being able to feel peaceful in your environment. Like, if you can't enter a room without feeling anxious, that's a no-no. Some of the stuff I have give me anxiety like that, or I just dont feel happy about having it. For various reasons, I keep it. But...

Like, there's childhood favorites I can't give. Stuff I promised to look after and it's a promise I can't go back on. Stuff that my sister has a similar item of, and I'd feel bad discarding one of a pair. Stuff I feel used to be a big part of my life and I want a way to keep that memory. There's stuff I sort of don't mind much and would rather give -- but. I dunno. Like, some things I don't like but I'm afraid of giving things up. I dunno, man.

There's some stuff I like -- cute plushies, clothes that I love. Some others, I mean, they just don't make me happy, you know? I hate when there's too many things on my bed, it makes me anxious to go to sleep. Like, most of the plushies I keep there are my all-time keep -- precious keepsakes of stuff I cant throw away. But I just. UGH. There's stuff I cant throw away because it's the last remaining relics of Club Penguin -- rest in peace -- and others that just sort of matter? I dont know but I feel so anxious. I wish I could just do what I want and get rid of some stuff. Like, I have two criterias for plushies:

-plushies I like (cute, fluffy, soft)

-keepsakes (old or memory-related)

-ones I keep out of a promise (gifts, important events)

-those ones that my sister has another one or, and i keep it so hers wont be alone, because yes, I'm sad like that, it would make me sad to imagine it screw you

And like -- ARE THERE ONES I COULD GIVE AWAY THAT DONT FIT INTO THOSE CATEGORIES??? THOSE I DONT CARE ABOUT?? Some old ones just make me feel sick to my stomach like those old sea creatures. But like -- there's ones I cant give away, like -- the one thing my dad and I have in common, marionettes, those ones we used for a movie we made.

Like, are there some I could just take a picture of? I don't know, man. I dont like going downstairs because it makes me want ro cry and scream and just pull off my hair. I'm so angey and frustrated and I keep wanting a fresh start. Like -- I've always done that, you know? Every time I buy new plushies, it's for a fresh start. I just wish I had a way to remove all thise useless fresh starts, those ones that didn't make me feel good, and keep the good ones. Like, I envy those who dont have that kind of stupid attachment. Like, go attachment. Its just -- everytime I bought a new plushies, it was supposed to be a fresh start. "That one" I would love, "that one" would be my favorite. I know irs unhealthy and I hate buying them because it makes me feel so much dread like, I keep having more and it keeps feeling like doomsday is coming whenever I see my dad going "ugh why" and I freak out and I dont ecen know what to do.

Plushies used to be this nice thing and now they just make me want to tear my throat out. Dear fucking god I hate everything

I just -- I wish i had a plushie I liked and tjene ceyrtjing would be so kuch easier but I WISH ID NEVER LAID EYES ON ANY OF THESE PLUSHIES IN THE FIRST PLACE. SOME OF THEM I WAD GIVEN BHT I DONT WANT THEM AND I DONT KNOW EHAT TO DO. BUT NOW I FEEL COMPELLED. AND I WANT TO JUSR FUCKING CRY FOREVER. IM SFARED. AND UPSET. I DONR WANR RO CHOOSE. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY. HOW TO GET RID OF THEM.

I used to get so scared bit now I'm psychong myself because everyone saus i need to get rid of them and I just fucling can't deal woth it. Am i betraying myself? I promised i wouldnt let this happen. I promise I wouldn't be my own enemy. I promise i wouldnt do this ti myself just to make everyone happy. And now IM DOING IT.

At least I'm fine throwing clothes away. Clothes suck.

Or, like, sometimes. I still want to fucking die everytime I throw clothes away. Jesus I need fucling help. I have no psychological safety thing for like, some safety rjing to go back to. I feel so fucling afraid and stuff like that was supposed to be the one thing I wasnt afraid of and I could get them and jt would be fine but now that's just a big lie??? It wasn't supposed to make me feel happier??? It wss just supposed to keep me contented until whatever person decides its time to work??? Is that it????

What am I supposed to do, man??? What am I supposed to do????? What am I supposed to think??? I'm supposed to figure tjis out but O jusr fucling cant and its supposed to help me to have plushies but it's not and I cajr see straight. I jusr wish plushies were safe again. I wish i could cry my heart out about leaving them like before. I widh I could be angry and upset and betrayed and feel like I'm being torn apart and scream and rage about how people are hurting me and how they can't understand how terrible it feels, and how they'll never understand why I feel so betrayed and so alone and so dismayed becauee my whole world and my whole safety is falling apart and I cant egen enjoy a simple piece of fabric stuffed with cotton without feeljng like I'm going to get killed at any moment because it costs money and it's not necessary and I'm going to get killed by cotton in my face. And it's not necessary and I'm getting attached for nothing and it's not necessary, just let it go, you'll feel better afterwards, just try it, you have to make changes, you have to make your life better, dont you want balance? Just try it!!!!

Like you want me to have balance???????????? Is that what you want?? Why are you just screaming at me and telling me tl dl stuff I dont want to do, THIS is just -- it's important to me, it's stuff that just gets me up and going, it's whats brightening up my life, it's like, the only source of peace i have. And you want to tell me it wasn't worth anything? That it didn't have a place in my life and it wasn't a beacon of anything and it should have been thrown away long ago and it should have been somewhere else and it didnt deserve to exist? And it should have been explained a bit better but basically this is what it is!!!???! Like you can preach about happiness and balance all you want but this i my happiness!!! This is what i wsnr mi life to look like!!!! This is what happiness os to me, this is what safety is, this is how I manage to come home and feel happy about myself!!!!! Do you actually want balance or do you just wsnt me to live by your rules? Like do you even care if I get happier if the way I am happy, it's not by throwing it all away? No? Like did you even let it a chance to exist first?

Yeah if I said that to my mom she would've interrupted me to say "I understand no need to be like that" and then she would've told me "well talk about it in the morning" and basically listen to nothing and not give a shit at all. Sorry if I sound really annoying about getting my point across, this id whar I have to deal with at home so I'm sorry if I'm not arguing like a peaceful person here.

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duke5sos · 6 years

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hey so i was wondering if you could me give me boy advice? so this guy in my class we were great friends and yeah we spent most days together and that stuff and then every time we went to a party we made out when we were drunk. so once we were in a pool party and he told me he really liked me and i told him well you are something idk what it is but i feel something for you. And ever since we were like hanging out more and started kissing without drinking. But still we weren’t anything official—

im putting this under a read more just bc its a lot of text ok!!

and we never talked about ehat happened in that pool party (we were drunk too!) so i didn’t know were this was going or if what he told me was real. So wr had another party and he was just weird he just ignored me and me being always wreckless got drunk and danced with kind of one of the boys i used to kind of date but i was never in a relationship with him, vecause we stayed friends! And the the the first boy left the party and didn’t even say goodbye so me being drunk and the noybi was dancing

Was drunk too so we made out but then he had to leave and then it hit me what i had done and then i cried and i felt so bad. So i wanted to tell the first guy about it but he had some family problema and didn’t want to add up to his plate so I didn’t tell him in the end. This was two weeks ago and everything was fine BUT NOW HE IS IGNORING AND BEING MEAN AND IDK I JUST DONT KNOW IF HE FOUND OUT AND I JUST RRALLY MISS HIM AND IM WEAK BYE

i know it might feel weird bc it was two weeks ago and that may feel like its like past its time frame or whatev but i think u should just talk to him!! being passive aggressive about it -- him ignoring you and you not addressing what happened -- isnt good for anyone. if you really care about him/want to be with him you need to explain what happened, explain it was a mistake and how the whole situation is tearing you up and hopefully he’ll understand! if he doesn’t hes not worth the effort!! you can text him about it or talk to him in person, whatever you feel most comfortable doing, but it think it’s best to be honest and get everything out in the open and work from there!!

#*turns 21* *automatically becomes a den mother to all of my followers*#fr tho if anyone ever needs advice im here to talk ALWAYS #love u all xo #hope this helps love #anon #answered

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