#i dont consider my gentleness genuine. its just fear. its literally just meekness and fear and fawning and submission
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I have a love-hate relationship (moreso hate) with this quote but will not get too much into it
#I dont have the words to describe how this quote makes me feel#i just feel a bunch of screaming on the inside looking at this quote lmfao#kind of really hate it though. but also love it for acknowledging that physical abuse makes it so hurt someone; even if you want too.#but... repeated violence doesnt always make you gentle....considerate....soft... tender (insert other synonyms here). its okay if it doesnt#its okay if you feel full of rage and wrathful. or cold. or distant. aloof.... not warm... 2 opposites to gentleness#i dont consider my gentleness genuine. its just fear. its literally just meekness and fear and fawning and submission#i personally want to learn how to cultivate genuine gentleness and kindness. i know many survivors do but for me#its just learned behavior. i hate when people say i am gentle or considerate. i am not gentle#i am just scared and frozen to the core. im just fawning. thats not gentleness i think. i dont know.#on the outside it looks gentle. maybe i think too much. too much introspection is usually bad for you; yet here i am.#txt
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