viewing the fnaf movie as just a movie doesn't work. you're sabotaging yourself and taking away all the enjoyment from it if you don't think of it as the fnaf movie. if i look at it as just a movie, then yeah, i totally get what the critics are saying. it's so far from the lore of the original games (but since when has that not been a problem in the franchise lmao), the killer doesn't really have a clear motivation, and the ending does kind of come out of nowhere. but if i think of it as the fnaf movie i can actually love it. yes, it's far from the original lore. that's just how fnaf goes. yes, it is a glorified two hour lore dump. but could we want anything more from fnaf? it's literally infamous for the lore. sure, springtrap does kind of come out of nowhere. but the joy and whimsy experienced when he does show up is fucking amazing, actually. i don't care if it's a bad movie. it's the best viewing experience i've had in 2023.

MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE: An Insufferably Queer Film Review

I rewatched MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1987) for the first time since it came out last night and WOW I have some thots about this thing. We enjoyed roasting the living shit out of it but there's a few gold nuggets in there despite the brutal budget cuts that impacted the plot and what not.

Contains plenty of spoilers.

God bless Wardrobe

OK so … the film doesn't bother to set up any real motivations for the characters, and He-Man (an incredible looking Dolph Lundgren rrrowrrrr) has almost no dialogue which is such a fucking waste. But this complete lack of narrative framework means we can apply OUR OWN explanations to events.

From the very beginning Skeletor has this obsession with He-Man, which will simmer and then culminate in a final showdown. But before we get to that hot mess, we have to wade through the middle of the film.

He gets as much screen time as He-Man.

Meet the utterly repulsive dwarf scientist Gwildor played by Billy Barty, a rinse-and-repeat of his performance as an utterly repulsive magic troll in Legend (1986). This dwarf is the film's Jar Jar. His face is like a deep dish pizza after an acid attack. His real mouth is visible behind the immobile thick prosthetics and it makes for some truly disturbing close-up dialogue shots. Please, pan away from Pizza the Hutt and give us another shot of Lundgren's pecs please I am begging you, DP

We find ourselves in Gwildor's hobbit hole, and he's a magical inventor. So he has this cylindrical object, it's not clear whether it's a weapon or a teleporter but I'm calling it the Butt-Reamer 9000. Inexplicably, there are two of these things and Skeletor has the other one, and wants to collect both of them. So Skeletor has an excuse to go hunting He-Man as he's hunting his missing McGuffin, er I mean sex toy.

Features rotating ticklers, a big improvement over the Butt Reamer 8000.

The thing about the Butt-Reamer 9000 is its magical power to make even this promising setup devolve into a grind as it whisks the Eternians into the magical, enchanting world of a 1987 New Jersey parking lot. WHO WROTE THIS?

The entire middle of the movie is pretty much hot garbage and involves police detectives, arson, vandalism, high school prom, and other dumb bullshit. Aside from the distractingly naked He-Man, the good guys are an utter bore and include some Eternians, some regular Earth humans and their quotidian concerns which really brings down the fun of the movie. (No, baby Courtney Cox, I don't care about your imminent breakup with your mediocre boyfriend!)

The film owes a second mortgage to Star Wars and steals a lot of ideas from it, from bad guys in shiny black stormtrooper helmets, to heroes shooting blue lasers, baddies shooting red.

Let's turn from this depressing state of affairs and focus back on our cherished villain blorbos.

(L-R: Karg, Evil-Lyn our goddess, and Blade.)

Evil-Lyn is beautiful, evil, a cold bitch queen. Gurl you can do so much better than sticking with this loser Skeletor.

Dump! Him! He's gay anyway!

Skeletor is a shit lazy boss of Greyskull and makes Evil-Lyn run the goddamn place in general. He literally shoots the messenger at one point. Great for morale, there, Skel buddy.

Look closer. Fierce!

There's a number of budget rate henchmen on the job, including Karg, who used a whole can of aqua net this morning and is running around in a white fur capelet with a massive bouffant. He is just doing his best okay, really it's hard to look fabulous around these other bitches.

Blade definitely deserved more screen time

Also, Blade, who had a slutty costume of silvery scale maille or something, and was a bit like a sci-fi bondage Riff Raff / space Judas Priest. Best side character costume.

So, there we have it, the queer coded villain roster of the film.

This homemade collage is for sure taped inside Skeletor's locker at school

Note the gigantic brown eye.

Finally, thank Satan, we return to Castle Greyskull, though it's more like beige-and-brown-skull. But aside from the questionable use of faux marble finishes, this is a quality villain lair with hard points installed directly in the floor of the living room, convenient death pits, and an excellent throne setup that I'm pretty sure they recycled for The Fifth Element.

He-Man is captured alive and brought before Skeletor. Blade does the honors with a 15 foot glowing red bullwhip to He-Man's naked and oiled back, much to the delight of dyed-in-the-wool sadist Evil-Lyn.

Movie is getting good now. Was the side quest to Jersey really necessary?

Skeletor, though, watches this action from the throne and has a lot of interesting responses. We had to conclude that Skeletor is a big old bottom but won't admit it. As a dom he is utterly ineffective. He's trying to make He-man kneel and all this shit but He-Man is not submissive at all. Skeletor is … lol. He really just wants to smell He-Man's dick.

The depths (heh) of his bottom nature will become apparent shortly. But first, a costume change.

Skeletor's glow up --- i'm every woman.

Honey we know you're just trying to impress He-man.

Werk tho.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Hole

The gigantic sky-sphincter directly behind the throne has slid open wide… "Begin! The Goatse Ritual! Join me, He-Man, as I become LORD OF THE GAPE" But He-Man's phallic symbol shines bright in defiance. In the end, Skeletor is vanquished symbolically by his own nature and instead of his hole swallowing He-Man, a gaping hole swallows Skeletor instead.

They don't really explain what happened to Evil-Lyn after He-Man's inevitable victory in final man to man combat but she was too smart to get caught sleeping in there and must have survived. What a hot evil competent BABE. After the events of the film end, I vote that Evil-Lyn seduces Teela (the good guy solder lady) and has a hot toxic lesbian affair with her.

Evil-Lyn serves cunt in hell 4 evar

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

Want some more?

Nice fanart

Another breakdown on Buzzfeed if you enjoyed mine this is even more gay headcanon

The movie is free on Tubi if you want to subject yourself to it.

ArmoredSuperHeavy, 19 Aug 2023

Annihilation (2018)

i feel rewritten on a cellular level, which is ironic, given the plot of the film. i'd previously read the book (just the first one in the trilogy, which may have been a mistake), but the book didn't scare me or change me the way this film did. let's start with the laundry list of things in this film that set me up to like it, without commentary on their goodness: natalie portman, oscar isaac, tessa thompson, non-linear time, freaky alien stuff, colors, actors playing two different characters distinguished only by hairstyle, duplication, science, physics, etc. now here's the stuff i can say in a sentence or two: this film is visually stunning. the cinnamon topography is excellent. every shot has a reason to be there, every scene builds to the next. the score is unnerving, beautiful, terrifying. it tells you which emotion to feel, in ways that never feel overbearing. in terms of the technical aspects of filmmaking, annihilation has it.

so now let's talk about some interesting stuff. first, this movie has made me realize that i like horror movies (thrillers?). i'm a scaredy cat, and i don't think i could find a single person who knows me that wouldn't agree with that sentiment. but i liked being scared here. we don't have time to delve into the personal growth aspect of that, but i think it's fair to say that this movie scares you for a reason. the terror builds the plot. suffice it to say that this movie wouldn't work without the scariness. which is a deeply weird thing to say because, to make this movie not scary, you'd have to cut at least a quarter of it, probably more. the fear is the point, but without the fear, the emotional content gets lost. the value of the resolution depends on being afraid for lena. without lena's fear, the bit with the eyes at the end is incomprehensible. we're afraid, yes, but afraid for a reason. having said that, i don't like gore. there was too much of it.

moving on, let's talk about aliens. i don't think it will surprise many for me to say i like aliens. looking at the trappings of this blog displays an obsession with space, and that often translates to a fondness for aliens. there are types of aliens i like more though. the less like humans they are, the more i like them. if aliens are the problem in your story, it's a bit passe to frame them like the other side of a human conflict. in general, I'm a little bit over person vs person conflicts. anyone can write about fighting other people. it's a large portion of history. what interests me are person vs self and person vs nature. there's some person vs self here, but it's difficult to portray that in films, particularly in films with action set pieces, scary soundtracks, and other weird shit. person vs nature, though, that's something horror and scifi are both well-suited for. the idea of aliens as unstoppable force and immovable object is great. the aliens (alien?) in annihilation don't have nameable desires. they're just doing what they're doing. aliens gotta alien. life's gotta live. let's bypass entirely the question of whether this force is alive, in any sense of the word. more importantly, the aliens are not explicable in human terms. that's why humanity's quest to understand them is fundamentally doomed. humans are great at applying their own motivations to things, bad at accepting inexplicable or absent motivations. (see solaris by stanislaw lem, among many other works on this topic) the aliens here are not a character, so much as an expression of the callous juggernaut of nature.

now, story structure time! this is a mystery, and it does the thing that all good mysteries should do. it gives you information well before you need it and then prevents you from processing that information until it becomes relevant, at which point the revelation is both new and expected. you can't figure out what the shimmer is doing until tessa thompson (i've forgotten here character's name) tells you. however, you've seen the physical expression of this so many times that her words just give structure to thoughts you've thought for many minutes. mysteries that aren't mysteries. and yet, it's a mystery. we know that the shimmer is alien (the film told us in the first couple minutes) but none of the characters do. thus, the mystery the characters are experiencing and the mystery the viewers are experiencing are two different things. they both work, more or less.

but what interests me most about this film is the telos of it all. telos is a greek word that literally translates to end (according to google). ancient greek philosophers used it to describe the ultimate desire of an object (humans can have a variety of teloses, acorns have one: to grow into an oak tree). in literary criticism, teleological is used to talk about the extent to which a story is built to reach its own end. annihilation gives itself a telos within the first half hour of the movie: find out what's in the lighthouse. lighthouses, in themselves, have an implicit telos. the end of a lighthouse is the light at the top. the lighthouse is a structure that invites you to ascend, to discover its secrets by moving upward. the film points us upwards in another way. we know that this phenomenon is alien and it fell to earth. the answer to the characters' questions is undeniably upward. from above, the aliens fell. the characters must move inward to the lighthouse and then upwards.

now, those of you who remember the end of this film have a significant question here. no one goes up the lighthouse. we see the stairs, but lena never tries to climb them. instead, we reach the lighthouse and go downward. the film denies its own telos, contributing to the feeling of wrongness about the circumstances themselves. annihilation set up an ending point (particularly for those who have read the book) and then proceeded to deny the viewer the chance to reach that ending point. we will never know what was at the top of the lighthouse because that wasn't the point actually. the point was below. the point was within. lena and kane both confront their own mirrors. because the aliens weren't the goal of the story (they were a tool for the story to use to bring about its actual goal). the goal is that final scene, the reconciliation of kane and lena. it's a story about people dressed up in the trappings of aliens. that's good scifi, folks, a story about humans. if a story isn't about people, why write it? why watch it?

Okay, so I actually did do like a final post about Army of the Dead last night after my accidental liveblog, but then my internet got wonky and it was after 2am so I just turned off my computer and went to bed.

So to just TL;DR it:

Is this a good movie? Objectively, no.

Is it an enjoyable and entertaining movie? Yes! I enjoyed the hell out of it! And I think I would sober as well.

And now in detail:

It reminded me of like, 80s and 90s action movies as far as the blood and gore effects and it feels...sincere, in a way? It's happy to be a cheesy, fun action movie. it's not gritty, it's not dark, it's weird and kinda dumb and bloody and fun. If a movie could be a himbo, this one would.

Anyway, the effects reminded me of 80s and 90s movies because it seemed that there were more practical effects and they were...solidly mediocre in a way that I found very endearing. I loved the effects. I loved how watery the blood was, I loved the explosion when zombie bits splatted against a wall like spaghetti and meatballs, I loved the precise sploots of arterial spray, I loved how everything was gross, but kind of fake. Like haha gross and not real gross. I genuinely love that. I give it effects 10/10 splattered Alpha!Zombie!Queen heads.

(also, the design of the zombies and creatures was pretty cool.)

As unrealistic as the blood, gore, and explosions are, this...this film truly captured the zeitgeist of a 2020-era America. From the disgusting corporate skeezery to the public debate on whether or not a deadly infection is real, like it's nowhere near satire, like it's not exaggerated at all, just the context is: zombies. This is...it has such a specific vibe, it's just, it, ugh, like it's kind of painful, you know? I give it 10/10 presidential quotes that sound like actual Tr*mp tweets.

On the other hand, the action was not realistic at all, like the whole car crash at the beginning was fake as shit, two vehicles collide and everything explodes in a fireball, the Big Action Fistfights don't quite land right, etc. like they could have added more endearingly bad practical effects and more Hot Lesbians and trimmed some of the fighty action. I give it 5/10 slightly out of sync punching sounds.

And speaking of Hot Lesbians, holy fuck. Holy. Fuck. This movie has all the competent hot women. The only humans who are good at their jobs in this movie are Hot Lesbians. The 3 Hot Lesbians in this film are more competent and more attractive than the entire US military. I give it 10/10 smouldering looks through aviators.

And you know what, fuck it, I liked how predictable it was. Like it hit all the points I was expecting, and in the order I was expecting. Gross Border Patrol Guy got comeuppance'd pretty quickly, corporate tool guy was a weasel and then got shredded, the love interest (???) tragically died, shit hit the fan right on schedule, the estranged family reconciled, etc. Like anyone who's seen a handful of action, heist and/or zombie movies could plot out this story, and I didn't hate that! 8/10 perfectly contrived emotional moments.

Zombie!Tiger, you fucked that corporate dick bag the fuck up, what an Icon, I give you 10/10 bony eye sockets.

Zombie!Horse, my beloved, you're so elegant and disgusting, I would lovingly handcraft and give you 10/10 flower crowns for your gross zombie horse head.

Liam & Edie

Liam: get out of work early, I need your help Edie: alright Edie: what are we doing? Liam: I finished a 🎬📽🎞 & it has to be screened tonight at a specific time Edie: do you know what cinema you wanna infiltrate Edie: like, max capacity blockbuster moment or a more independent arthouse style? Edie: I have ideas for both, if you don't already Liam: gotta be sold out seats for max exposure Edie: looking up whatever dumb superhero shit is on right now Liam: put the word out for me too, yeah? 📢 you've got more 👀 on you Edie: of course Edie: keep it vague but intriguing? Edie: what's the angle Liam: my sister is Edie: your sister? Liam: she's 16, would've been Liam: today Edie: the film is for her Edie: not a hard sell Edie: every twat loves a party Liam: every twat's forgotten about her already Liam: I have to do something Edie: I'll get all the people there I can Edie: 16 is a big one Liam: I'm looking for a cake to blow up Liam: big enough to splatter lots of rows but not too huge to sneak in Edie: really do need a pram Edie: if you do wanna go big, my ma has a kiln, easy to bake in and quicker Edie: I could put it in a backpack or some ridiculously oversized handbag my sister has Liam: you're amazing Edie: you or the audience haven't tasted the cake yet Liam: be more fitting if it tastes bad Liam: like we're shoving bittersweet down everyone's throats Liam: & in their faces Edie: that's easily done Edie: toxic hazard here we come Edie: how long have you been working on the vid? Liam: a while Edie: are you happy with it? Liam: there's no more time left to do edits Liam: I gotta get it out there, like I said Liam: 18 is gonna need something bigger Edie: timing is key Edie: did you talk about it Edie: what she'd want to do Liam: looking that far ahead wasn't something she let herself do Edie: that's fair Edie: I haven't looked that far ahead before Edie: we'll make it special Edie: something she'd approve of Liam: there has to be some way to throw a party after that's not the standard gay shit Edie: an anti-party Liam: yeah, without being ☢️ & barcode tattoos about it Edie: so a disgusting cake, what else can we fuck up Edie: bastardized 🎈s are almost a given Edie: maybe we can play some party games Liam: use your talents on the happy birthday song Edie: I'll do my best for you both Edie: did she believe anything happened after you die? Liam: she wanted to come back as someone else, show up back in my life just when she reckoned it'd gotten settled & boring Liam: but I don't think she really believed that, just didn't want me to turn into one of those twats Edie: yeah, most people want to believe something like that Edie: some continuation Edie: but the percentage who genuinely do, I don't know Liam: a lot of shit she said was for my benefit of my ma's, I don't know if she knew I knew that but I did Edie: Yeah Edie: but through reassuring you, she was probably trying to give herself that same comfort Edie: again, whether it worked is unlikely, but we keep going 'til we don't Liam: yeah Liam: I have certainty in her not wanting everyone to act as if she was never here this fast, I'm going with that Liam: her friends, a lad she liked, they're supposed to give more of a shit Edie: we'll make them remember Edie: I was thinking Edie: she'd be in transition year now Edie: they're always having bollocks seminars and lectures Edie: that would be easy to hijack Edie: well, not easy, but we could Liam: you're so fucking smart Liam: I didn't even think Edie: it'd be a way to get the ones who won't hear our call tonight Edie: which are arguably the ones who need a lesson in caring more so Liam: keep it going like pass the parcel Edie: a project worth the waste of time that whole year is Liam: then a holiday, me & you Liam: where we won't waste any time Edie: are we going to find a holiday home? Liam: did you like living with me? Edie: so much Edie: I wanna live with you properly Edie: all the time Liam: then yeah, we'll find a holiday home & when we get back you can move into mine Edie: really? Liam: our mas will both have shit to say about it but so do we Edie: if they're really going to object to that degree Edie: we'll work for enough money to rent our own place Liam: & sleep wherever else we have to until we've got that Edie: as long as I'm with you Edie: I miss you when I'm not Liam: I wanna be with you all the time too Edie: maybe if we split our time between mine and yours, they wouldn't even notice Liam: they can tell themselves they're keeping a better 👀 on us if we do Edie: yeah, and it's not 'as serious' as moving in together Edie: in their minds Edie: guess it'd be better if we were going 'round sleeping with anyone and everyone Liam: I've had more offers since I got a girlfriend than before Liam: must be a shared view between our parents & lots of the girls at school Edie: 😡 Edie: adds to them feeling something if they get to fuck someone over at the same time as, I guess Liam: I'll never hurt you or let anyone else do it Edie: I know you won't Liam: I love you Edie: I love you Edie: no one is gonna stop us from living the life we want Liam: [a pic of a pram he has stolen for her to fill with stuff and there's a birthday pinata in there currently like oh hi] Liam: I found this for you Edie: 😍 Edie: Baby! Edie: you got me wheels Liam: I couldn't stop thinking about you struggling with a heavy backpack Edie: You're so sweet and I'm so excited Edie: is what's going in the pinata a surprise? Liam: I was gonna tell you but lets keep the excitement going Edie: is it 🕷s Edie: or 🦷 Liam: do you know where I can get that many 🦷? Liam: that'd be a great idea Edie: 🤔 Edie: maybe a vet's dumpster Edie: think people dentists study 'em Liam: maybe my ma kept our 👶 teeth Liam: I'll have a look Edie: Mine kept hers Edie: you'd need quite a few to make an impression Liam: the fake blood I'm gonna add will help Liam: but you're right Edie: there's loads of roadkill around mine Edie: could get that for the 🦴🦴 Liam: I don't know if I want you touching it though Liam: you could get sick or something Edie: I've got gloves Edie: the only illness they had was potentially bad eyesight 🚗 Liam: you've gotta be careful, baby Edie: okay Edie: for you Edie: how else can I help you though? Edie: the cake is in Liam: keep thinking, all your ideas are perfect Edie: I wanna be Edie: what about spiking the drinks, but not in a fun way Edie: or is that too 👿 Edie: just a laxative or something, nothing mad Liam: it don't matter, we won't drink it Edie: I definitely won't Edie: don't even miss any of it Liam: we need something that'll make them 🤮 she did lots of that Liam: only fair Edie: what does that 💊🧪 wise Edie: too much salt is a dead giveaway with one sip Liam: charcoal is probably too big a giveaway too Liam: & you can't get ipecac no more Edie: 😕 ugh Liam: we'll have to settle for the laxatives Edie: they'll make themselves sick all on their own Liam: you did make a fucking disgusting cake Edie: you don't even wanna know what I put in it 😏 Liam: I want all your secrets Edie: you can have everything Edie: [a gruesome list of god knows what] Edie: it smells so gross cooking right now Liam: don't make yourself 🤮 Edie: I'm getting some fresh air Liam: what can you 👀? Edie: from here, the pond Edie: which also smells, so I might need to go look at the 🍅🥔s growing instead Liam: go decide on your outfit Edie: what do you want me to look like? Liam: beautiful Edie: nothing more specific? Liam: nah, not until I've seen what you come up with Liam: you test well Edie: 🤞 Liam: 😍 Edie: that's what I want Edie: always Liam: I want you Edie: I can't wait to go away with you Edie: are we going to the sea Liam: we can Liam: we can go anywhere you like Edie: I just wanna watch the sun go down under the waves with you Liam: you watch that, I'll watch your face while it does Edie: You're so Edie: you make me feel like a person Edie: a real one, that matters Liam: you matter to me, Eds Edie: I'm not used to this feeling Liam: you know I'm not either Liam: we'll get used to it Edie: it's like I believe you but I can't believe it Edie: if that makes sense Liam: I get it Liam: I do need you to believe me though Edie: I do Edie: you're just perfect Liam: nah, I'm not Edie: to me then Liam: whatever's wrong with me, we're good together Edie: we're going to make a perfect baby Edie: that always feels like a person Liam: I'm gonna love it even if things go wrong Liam: I need you to know that too Edie: I know you will Edie: and I believe that Edie: I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't Edie: you won't be able to not love your own child Edie: even if it's hard Liam: & I'll wanna be with you, perfect or not Liam: whatever else happens Edie: we can do it Edie: I love you and I want it to work Edie: I wanna be a good mum and give the baby all the love and attention and everything it could ever want and need Edie: that is so much more than most people have Liam: the baby is so fortunate to have you for its ma Liam: you've done everything right already & its not even here yet Edie: I wanna do it right Edie: I can't imagine doing it wrong Liam: I know you will Liam: you set your mind on shit & it gets done, that's how you are Edie: makes me sound like an assassin Edie: don't hate that Liam: I don't hate thinking about you holding a 🔪 Edie: next video Liam: it'll be on my mind until then Edie: I can give you a preview Edie: if you show me the fake blood Liam: [does obviously] Edie: 🤤 Liam: I made extra for you knowing you'd be into it Edie: That's just one of the reasons we work Liam: are you gonna give me the rest of them? Edie: I'll start on the list but I don't know if it'll ever be done enough to be conclusive Edie: and I'd hate for you to think I'm not serious Liam: that's another reason why we work Edie: see, they keep adding up Edie: good thing I didn't commit to tattooing it on me Edie: run out of space so quick Liam: I don't think her video is done enough Liam: I don't know what to do Edie: You'll regret it if you miss her birthday, I think Edie: you'll have chances to add to it and improve on it every year if you want Edie: it's a tough one to know what's enough on, yeah Edie: 'cos what could be Liam: if it's shit I'll have ruined her birthday Edie: do you think it's shit? Liam: I can't tell Liam: I can't feel anything Edie: I can watch it before you show it Edie: or you can just do it Edie: they aren't going to forget it though, regardless, and that's what you want, yeah Edie: for them to remember her Liam: you've gotta watch it on a big screen Liam: I'll watch you & I'll know if it's good or not Edie: okay Edie: I won't tell you I know it'll be good Edie: cheapen my actual reaction Liam: 👌 what do you wanna tell me instead? Edie: another reason we work is you're talented and creative too Liam: I have to try to bring something to the table if we want a perfect baby Edie: you mean aside from how insanely hot you are Liam: its gonna look like you so that don't count Edie: maybe it'll get to be tall like you Edie: my 10 year old sister is already taller than me Liam: you only wanna be taller for kissing me Liam: there'll be a no dating rule until they're like old enough to properly move out Edie: might save your back, that's all Edie: they won't need to, they'll be happy with us Liam: I've already saved yours with this pram, I'm not bothered about mine Edie: but I am Edie: I'll invest in some stilts Liam: & have you snatched up by the circus, nah Liam: don't matter if its twins in there, I'll pick you all up Edie: 🥰 Edie: you make me look and feel like that emoji, legitimately Liam: [a picture of some random people he's sneakily taken a photo of while he's out and about and changed so they have no eyes because he misses and wants to see her rn] Edie: ooh baby Edie: 👁s would be a great pinata filling Liam: have we got time to turn 🍇 or some gay shit into 👀 like a ma on halloween? Edie: OH Edie: speaking of mas Edie: just had a 💡 Liam: what? Edie: she has mealworms to feed the 🐦🦅s Edie: too late for the cake but how perfect Liam: genius Edie: my next idea was going to get some caviar but I don't think my wage is stretching that far Liam: I could steal some Liam: dunno where the fuck from though Edie: bet they don't have any at the spar Edie: there are tadpoles in the pond but I'm not murdering them Liam: the worms will work Liam: I'm on my way to yours, how long til the cake is cooked? Edie: you're coming here Edie: 😄😄😄 the excitement is only going ↗️ Edie: about 10 minutes, though a bit of burning can't hurt Liam: I thought you'd like a hand with decorating Edie: I'd like to see you Liam: you miss me too Edie: so bad Liam: I know Edie: come see me Liam: I kept the secret for as long as I could but I'm nearly there now Edie: no secrets, right Liam: I don't want there to be Edie: I'll tell you everything you wanna know Liam: tell me what we're doing tomorrow Liam: after this Edie: we're gonna get in the car and drive 'til we get somewhre we want to stop Edie: and we'll get fish and chips and ice cream and play on the beach and then we can talk about bringing the baby back and doing it all again Liam: the baby's face when it eats ice cream for the first time Liam: & feels what sand is like Liam: we'll film it all Edie: 🥺 Edie: I feel like I might cry? Liam: everything we don't remember any more we'll do again with our 👶 Edie: there's so much good stuff to relive Edie: stuff we didn't get to do too Liam: yeah, there's lots of shit I've not done Liam: I used to feel properly awkward about it Edie: just 'cos my childhood was weird in an 'exotic' way doesn't mean it weren't too Edie: there's loads of Irish childhood staples that we didn't have Edie: we'll make that list too, for the 👶 Liam: I can't think of a better way to start the baby book Edie: I'm gonna do it for your birthday Liam: yeah? Edie: I've got a feeling Liam: that might be knowing that I'm outside Edie: [dramatic run out] Liam: [we know he's as extra and would immediately stop whatever he's doing/ drop whatever he's holding so they can kiss dramatically, don't get a hole in that pinata yet sir] Edie: [ah you crazy kids, dunno where the rest of the fam is tbh] Liam: [100% gonna say he puts her in the pram and pushes her into this gaff like a giant nerd, so imagine her just squished in there please] Edie: [LOL adorable, try not to break it already] Liam: [you probably don't have time to do pram repairs on top of everything else lads] Edie: [we got schemes honey] Liam: [if you don't draw on each other with icing pens when you're decorating this cake I don't wanna know either of you] Edie: [my boo has put her foot down] Liam: [all the tattoo practice and ideas in any possible artistic medium thank you] Liam: [we all know what saucy behaviour you'll be getting up to as soon as he gets there though] Edie: [but the softest ever tbh 'cos a tough day and you just wanna make sure he's okay] Liam: [honestly there's only so busy you can keep yourself boy, we all see you] Edie: [not gonna force you to talk on it but also gonna be clear it's an option] Liam: [he's just trying to get today over with as if tomorrow and on any other day he won't think about it, oh hun] Edie: [mood] Liam: [where is his mother? what is she doing rn? those are my real questions] Edie: [sad things don't think about it Liam: [anyway we know the vibe so is there anything else you wanna make a point of happening rn before we skip to the aftermath?] Edie: [hmhmhmmm we can probably skip] Liam: [everyone gonna be cross at you lads] Edie: [I like to think the fam was there earlier so they were already moody, but then you come back with the police and you're gonna skip town tomorrow so lol] Liam: [his poor mum having to go down the garda station when she's already living her best life, likewise gonna be in a great mood] Edie: [safe to say you will not be invited back tonight gal] Liam: [Rio is gonna tear Liam a new one cos he was all I'm gonna look after her it's chill when they last talked haha] Edie: [oh lordy] Liam: [I just hope they got to do all their creepy plans before the police ruined it] Edie: [or at least the important ones, and that it went well in that people are talking about it] Liam: [gotta let you have that] Edie: [tis important and a mood] Edie: how's your ma now Liam: she's still going Edie: I thought she'd like it Edie: if you explained what you did Liam: she likes what we did but not how Liam: she don't understand that playing it in the sitting room wouldn't work Edie: she wants to keep it all private Edie: if people feel uncomfortable it's only because they should Liam: we know that Edie: is she more 😭 or 😤 Edie: one is easier to deal with Liam: it's both, at the same time for a while Edie: that must be so exhausting Liam: it's just what she's like Edie: you've not really known her any different? Liam: I must have, but I don't remember Liam: not clear enough Edie: I'm sorry Edie: if I could've taken the blame harder, I would've Liam: I don't want you to take any of it Edie: I don't care about getting into trouble Liam: you will if it sticks next time & you maybe can't earn as much cash Liam: be the perfect ma you've set your heart on Edie: not at the sake of you though Edie: it's so unfair I couldn't take my fair share Liam: you did, you weren't there for the shit I did before that got me my talking to from the 🐷 Liam: it's about her not you Edie: yeah, I know Edie: wish we'd saved the pinata for them though 🐷🤮☠ Liam: we'll make a 🎬📹 I've still got the rave masks Edie: Yes Edie: it's the least we can do Liam: you'll feel a bit better at least Edie: no, it's not about me Edie: how do you think it went, before they showed Liam: you thought it went decently I could see it in your 👀 Edie: it did Edie: it was beautiful Edie: but did you like it? Liam: I reckon she would've Edie: she'd be proud, for sure Liam: yeah Edie: but I am, whilst I can't guarantee that Edie: I can this Edie: are we still going tomorrow Liam: I'll show up, if you can't get out send me a 6 Edie: I'll get out Liam: safely Liam: I'm not gonna watch you fall out your window Edie: I won't, babe Edie: no guard dogs here Edie: they can't keep permanent watch Liam: no 🔥🌉 either though Liam: your ma must already hate me Edie: I'm not staying though Edie: I'll pretend to listen to them Liam: I understand baby, I don't want to be here Edie: I want to take you to the beach Liam: we'll go then Liam: smooth it over after if we have to Edie: I don't know how to care about making them happy, never mind doing it Liam: all you need to do is say what they wanna hear Edie: wait 'til they hear about the baby Liam: we just won't tell them until your 🤰 makes us Edie: but 'til then Edie: literally who knows what they want Liam: we know what your sister wants, she told me Liam: we'll base it off that, be good Edie: 🙄 Edie: she's a fine one to talk Liam: don't you wanna behave with me & for me? Edie: for you, not them Liam: I'm only asking you to do it for me Liam: so they won't be getting in our way Edie: what do you want me to do now then? Edie: tell me Liam: explain why we did it but pretend you're sorry that it got out of hand Edie: alright Edie: I'll hate every second of it but I'll do it Liam: I'll make it up to you Edie: tell me how Liam: 💍 Liam: I'll get you one Edie: you already got me a pram Liam: that was for the 👶 too, I wanna give you something that's just yours Edie: oh Edie: will I have to hide it too though Liam: as long as you don't bury it Edie: we could pretend it's not THE 💍 Edie: put it on a different finger Liam: you've still got great ideas after earlier Liam: you really are a genius Edie: Hardly Edie: I'm just trying very hard to be very good for you Liam: you don't even have to try Edie: I do when it means having to hide how I feel about you Liam: nobody can say shit about me promising to marry you one day Edie: they say all kinds of shit Liam: you don't have to hide that we're in love whatever they say Edie: I never will Edie: they know I am, that they can't change that Liam: if you don't wanna be good we can leave tonight Edie: you're right that it'll make shit easier Edie: I can ignore them Liam: I don't care about shit being easier if you're not happy Edie: I am happy Edie: they might not be happy with the way it's come about but they can't harp on it too hard without making me miserable Liam: I couldn't have done everything today without you Edie: I'm glad I could do that for you Edie: that's how it should be Edie: is going to Edie: I've got your back, you've got mine Liam: yeah, like a family Liam: me & you are, however long this baby takes to show up Edie: there's nothing you could ask that was too much of me, seriously Liam: not a test this time Edie: can handle it either way Liam: I know 👀 Liam: but I can't handle missing you more than I do, if you wanna like be a huge bitch to me or something like Edie: I could try if you wanna be less loveable for a sec too Liam: one sec I'll have to try & stop thinking about how alive you were tonight first Liam: & find a less gay way to say it than that while I'm working on it Edie: you say gay, I say workable lyric or tat inspo Liam: when you've filtered it through your 🧠 it'll be right Liam: all I know is beautiful wouldn't be good enough Liam: 🎇🎆 Liam: either Liam: I think the closest would be when you get a puddle of petrol, all those colours, that kinda bullshit Edie: I wish I could tattoo that onto me Edie: a bruise would be closest to that Edie: but I wish I could see me how you see me more Liam: I'll start filming, see what I can do Edie: you have a year 'til my birthday too Liam: lots of chances to get footage then Edie: be good for the baby too, when it grows up Edie: see we loved them before they even got here Liam: we'll record as much as we can Liam: starting at the beach tomorrow Edie: we'll make a sandcastle dreamhouse Edie: and find the perfect shell to start a collection for them Liam: I don't think I've ever made one Edie: 1/8 ratio water to sand is a good start Edie: then it depends if you want the castle buckets, or a plain one so you can sculpt it yourself Edie: add seaweed, shells and pebbles, et voila Liam: I'm gonna look for enough shells to make a mobile too Edie: 🌌🧠💡 Liam: maybe we can make it sound on top of looking nice Edie: if we find some driftwood too, that would be 🔝 Liam: we'll go back if we don't Liam: until we do Edie: if we like it we can move there Liam: what kind of 🏠 do you want? Edie: one that's the perfect size for just us three Edie: and always feels cosy and like a home and is the place you actually always wanna come back to because it's that comforting Liam: 🗺❌ Liam: I'll take you hunting Edie: maybe we'll find another to takeover when we're down there Liam: lots of them are holiday homes now summer's over they'll be empty Edie: and not everyone invests in good security, even though they're rich enough to Liam: pick the one you like best, I'll get us in Liam: most people don't bother changing their alarm codes from the default Edie: right Edie: they kinda deserve it Liam: if you're not gonna treat your shit like you want it, someone else will take it Liam: why not us Edie: 9️⃣9️⃣9️⃣ Liam: how long can we stay this time without your ma calling that number herself? Edie: when we're on our way, I could tell her we've gone Edie: rude of her to stifle our creativity 📹🎞📼 Edie: but if we give her something, she might freak less Liam: you got any 🎁 in mind? Edie: you mean getting her a stick of rock or? Liam: whatever works Liam: you know I'll do it Edie: It's not even you, they admit they don't know you Edie: maybe we give them the chance, when we do come back? Liam: 🎲 Liam: alright Edie: it might be totally unbearable Edie: I make no promises to the contrary Liam: you don't have to, you'll be there Liam: unbearable is when you're not Liam: like now Edie: I know Edie: it hurts my heart not being with you right now Liam: if my ma decides to stop, I'll call you Edie: do Edie: I'll get out of here as soon as I'm physically able Liam: me too Liam: even if it means I'm waiting outside for you 👀 Liam: 🛰🌏 Edie: You can wait outside my window any time Liam: 📹🎞📼 Liam: 🤫 Edie: 😳 Edie: everything you do is hot Liam: I'm thinking about you whenever I do anything, maybe that's why Edie: I won't dispute that Edie: even though you definitely deserve more credit Liam: you can give it to me when the credits roll on your film & you realise what you look like to me Liam: & that everything I do is to turn you on or make you smile, laugh, all that happy shit Edie: I don't know what I ever did to deserve you Edie: but I'll be a better person from now if it means I get to keep you forever Liam: nah, don't change a single thing Edie: 🤏 😈 🤏 😇 Edie: got it Liam: we won't show every 🎬🎞 to the 👶 Liam: or every 🎤🎧 either come to think of it Edie: got to have things to protect them from Edie: may as well be us, not actually a threat Liam: [sending her all the cute baby videos such as when they eat a 🍋 etc like this will be us because we can't be dealing with our mother popping off anymore] Edie: [sending her stuff of the twins 'cos that big sister evidently lol] Edie: him* soz babe Liam: [Grace would die if she knew] Edie: [when you are 10 and MORTIFIED honey] Liam: [when his ma is having a breakdown and he's just spamming the bae with random adorable baby content from the internet casually] Edie: [so sorry to your ma but also not sorry we did] Liam: [he can't handle all your emotions gal I'm soz, we're living our best fantasy life here instead] Liam: [I vote this happens until he can actually call her and thus end the convo cos we know they highkey enough to do that]

What is your opinion on the movie Split, if you have seen it, with regards to how it depicts DID? Because like I feel like someone with DID would be offended but at the same time don’t KNOW whether they actually would be? Like when I see anti-asexual or anti-Irish sentiment and think “Hmm. Well that is certainly offensive from an objective viewpoint, but am I personally offended?” I do feel like if the twist behind the ‘Beast’ alter being superhuman was that he had been bitten by a werewolf, because there were so many hints towards him being a werewolf and the whole backstory they gave the protagonist about being a hunter, I feel like it would have suited the story better and avoided the ‘all people with DID are evil’ trope. Am I saying this right?

Hi! I get what you're saying. Right off the bat, I have never been officially diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder. I quit therapy for a multitude of reasons, and while it was something brought up it was nothing we had the time to go into more. So while I do have a dissociative condition that shares many symptoms, I would be incredibly remiss to say this is an answer from a person with that condition. Anyway!

The answer to that question is extremely long and complicated but you are asking specifically what my opinion about their portrayal of DID was, and what it basically boils down to is did they make the mentally ill man a bad guy. Yes they did.

Did they clearly do a lot of research into the condition? Yes and that comes through. They make it clear where the behavior comes from, it's stemming from abuse, that in fact the majority of his System is extremely against what is happening, and yet at the core of it they very much did give a man a mental illness that has been demonized by social media over and over and then made one of the alters a pedophile and another alter, the beast, a violent cannibal.

I see what you mean about potentially a werewolf twist coming in, and that would be interesting! However I feel like the metaphor portrayed there, that of the predator and prey, was made pretty well without lycanthropy, especially when you lump it in with the rest of the trilogy. She was a hunter who was the victim of a predator. He was a victim who became a predator. Because of their shared trauma, she is spared. If you watch the movie purely for it's narrative on abuse, it is a very profound film. But that doesn't excuse their making a monster out of a character with a mental illness.

The film has a lot of nuance. It does it's best to portray the characters as sympathetic, and i appreciate that it tells a stark story about abuse without ever showing that violence on screen. But is that enough? Is making some effort, and later redeeming the character in the following film, enough of an effort to make it safe from ridicule or judgement? No. And honestly no film should be above that. But this film specifically did a bad thing. I own this movie. I enjoy it. It still perpetuates negative stereotypes. People who just look at the cover or watch a trailer know exactly what this movie is supposed to make them feel. That Man Has A Scary Mental Illness! That Mental Illness Makes That Man Dangerous! And that's just black and white. It's bad.

That said, if you like the movie, then ok, you like it. Liking a movie with a bad message isn't a mortal sin, as long as you acknowledge that it is, in fact, a movie that did something bad, and accept that a lot of people don't like it for very valid reasons. this has been like. An essay. I don't think I've ever even mentioned Split on my blog. Whoever you are you should DM me this like. Barely scratches the surface. But yeah it was bad that they made the villain a man with DID that was offensive, but it's portrayal of DID was one of the more accurate ones. shit that could have been the whole response.

I've noticed so many times on the internet that people lament about being perpetually lonely, normally by people in their late teens through to the late 20s. They talk about how it's hopeless and how they will never find anyone, and how they should just accept being alone and get used to it. If you identify with this, then this post is for you. And I also want to preface this post by stating that if you're genuinely ok with being alone, then this is not for you. However, if you're on a subreddit entitled /r/dating_advice, then it probably is. I also want to state that if you have mental health problems such as depression or anxiety, you shouldn't take what I say as gospel because parts of it might come across as disparaging instead of motivating, and your answer is elsewhere (professional help). I know that in my darkest moments I wouldn't want someone offering me tough love because that would've dragged me down even further, so take care out there. Maybe you'll benefit from some parts of it, though, because I feel the self-development part is important.I would know what it feels like to post about being unlovable etc. because I am one of these people. There was always some reason why I couldn't get a date. Too ugly, my body looks like shit, too passive, too introverted, too hard to approach, too hard to meet people, not what women wanted, whatever. Whenever I read a story about someone else's romantic or sex life, I would feel depressed and jealous. I tried to make peace with being alone and pretend that it didn't bother me and it would work for a while and I'd enjoy myself, but the crushing loneliness and depression would always come back. I wanted to date and find someone, and I was settling for less because I felt I couldn't get these things. I understood that dating wasn't everything, but I sure as hell wasn't happy for disqualifying myself from it. It was either accepting being alone, or making steps to make sure I could get it, or at least put myself in a happier position. The former option was unpalatable for me because of how it would make me feel, so I've finally decided to focus on putting myself in a happier position and maybe starting to look for love. I'm not as hopeless or unattractive as I think I am, and I need to stop lying to myself about why I'm alone. I am alone because I don't try hard enough and probably have to work on myself a bit, not because I am utterly repulsive as per nature's hand. And yes, I am still alone, but I will stop making excuses for myself and be honest with myself.The brain is a funny thing. It needs to find a reason for everything that you do. It hates disharmony (this is called cognitive dissonance), and will choose to give credence to one idea over another to assuage this disharmony. It's like when you procrastinate--you know it's bad for you even though you want to do it, and your brain feels discomfort at these two conflicting ideas. You choose whether the pleasure of procrastinating is greater or weaker than the idea of getting shitty grades. It doesn't matter whether these statements you tell yourself are objectively true or false, your brain will give greater weight to what it perceives to be right or at least have the greater force of influence.Here's a normative development on cognitive dissonance: if you slack off because you reason that it's fine to do so and that having shitty grades is a potential implication, you better damn well accept those consequences and own up to them. You have no one else but yourself to hold accountable. If you don't like the result (and you probably don't, who likes getting shitty grades?), work in a way that ensures that this result is as unlikely to happen as possible. If you can't do the time don't do the crime, and don't use the idea of cognitive dissonance as an excuse for why you didn't try, either: oh, I just chose to do less because I'm ok with doing less**. Settling for less is unacceptable, but achieving less is fine if you intended to not to.** Mediocre intentions suck, mediocre outcomes don't so much.This can be applied to dating.If you want to date but give up, you are settling for less and you won't be happy. Even if you've given up and have given yourself reasons for doing so ("oh, I'm just focusing on myself, it's not that important, it's not worth the effort"), really be honest with yourself and ask if these are the reasons why you are alone. And I know I'm going to hit a nerve by saying this, but chances are that your excuses are bullshit. You're not ok with being alone, it is somewhat important to you, and you do want to date. You've spun a tale for yourself because taking the steps necessary to get what you want are too much work. You've reasoned that it's not worth it because if it was, you'd have done something about it already (using cognitive dissonance as an excuse). So why complain? But I know what you truly think because I've been there myself. "This doesn't apply to me, this guy's an asshole, how dare he tell me that I'm not capable of dating". Yep, that's what my conveyor belt of excuses looks like too. The excuses need to die. Because all you're doing right now is complaining that you're alone, but not doing anything about it despite supposedly being ok with it. You're not. You never will. I never was. It's like not brushing your teeth and wondering why your teeth are rotten. Meh, dental care is too much effort, I'll just be ok with my rotten teeth. It's not that bad. My breath is rancid and I ache all the time, but I have to be ok with this because I know I'll never get around to cleaning them.Ok, so maybe you've realised that you are settling for less. What now? Should I just be miserable until I find someone? Are you telling me that I'm not allowed to be happy until I find someone? No...that's not what I'm saying. I'm telling you to be honest with yourself and go from there. Realising is the first step, taking action is next and necessary. Maybe start with thinking about what you need to do to find someone. Am I grossly out of shape? Do I dress like a slob? Do I have interesting hobbies, am I good conversationalist? Who do I meet, and who do I ask out? And since you see average people in relationships all the time, the standards aren't that high. You don't need to be a self-improvement zealot, but you need to be fulfilled with your life. Would you date someone like you?This brings up my next point, and it is important in spite of what all I've said:You absolutely don't need a dating life to be a happy, fulfilled person.Before slaying the excuses you've set for yourself about not dating and settling for less, ask yourself what it is about dating that will make you happy. The answer seems obvious (love makes you feel fuzzy!), but ask yourself what you will get out of it. Dating and sex are an important cog in the lives of many and don't let anyone tell you otherwise if you believe them to be, but they are amongst other things. If you seek these things out to quell the perennial loneliness in your life, maybe you're doing it for the wrong reasons. If you seek these things out because they're fun and enrich your life and maybe you are transiently lonely (which is fine!), perhaps you're doing them for the right reasons. But despite this, it is not everything. There are so many places to visit, experiences to be had, people to meet, books to read, films to watch, music to listen to, games to play, hobbies to try, food and drink to supplement, and personal goals to be met. It can certainly feel like everything is meaningless if there's no one to share it with, but it really isn't. Maybe rediscovering what you love can kick you out of the slump that you've found yourself in. Maybe this will make you realise what you truly want out of dating. A lot of people think that dating will raiseThe point I'm trying to make is nuanced, but it is that people who choose to be alone because they feel inferior are settling for less, which will never make you happy. Those who are alone by choice are not settling for less because they're being true to themselves. You need to develop some integrity and be honest with yourself about why you're alone, and if it is out of your hopelessness or feelings of inadequacy, then you will never be happy. You need to stop making excuses and learn how to get out of your comfort zone and start dating if this is the case, and/or focus on yourself and pursue your passions. Excuses and settling for less are both unacceptable, because the pain of regret and not being good enough will never fade. It's not morally wrong to settle for less, but it is poisonous to your mental health.Finally, I'd like to end this article by asking you to do something. I saw this in David Wong's 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person, which is a very motivating article even I don't regard it as 100% true. It is to name five impressive things about yourself. You can't list character traits unless you've done something that is demonstrative of that trait (e.g. you can't call yourself hard-working if you have nothing that shows this). Name five, objective things that you've achieved--they can be anything, like building a model, lifting a certain amount of weight, winning something, etc. If you can't, maybe you should start working on yourself a bit more. You need reason to feel good about yourself, and maybe you feel inadequate because you have no reason to feel good about yourself.Thanks for reading. I'm willing to debate people on a few points if there is disagreement, and I'm willing to change my stance if I am swayed significantly. via /r/dating_advice