#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

daz4i · 3 months

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how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭#i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that?#'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way?#'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that.#i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer.#so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤)#also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

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furby-organist · 2 years

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// I'm not gonna do a Munday meme rn bc I'm busy, but I will make a Munday post on something I feel needs regular repeating.

What we're not gonna do is take someone's personal relationship to sexuality as their sociopolitical stance on it.

This stems from the umpteenth accusations of prudishness I see directed at Alastor muses, as well as my own experiences as a sexaverse aroace trying to navigate progressive spaces.

Someone can be sex-positive as a social stance -- you know, supporting safe, sane & consenting adults doing what they want, being against the moralization of sex (e.x. no you're not immoral for doing it outside of, say, marriage), being against the moralization of virginity (particularly in young women), supporting safe sex education instead of abstinence only education, being against victim blaming, supporting sex workers' rights to a safe work environment & fair pay & other workers rights, being against the stigma sex workers face (esp when applying for other jobs), all that good stuff, w/e

while also personally not wanting sex, not wanting to interact with sexual media, not wanting to hear about their friends' sex lives, not wanting to present themselves or be viewed in a sexual manner, etc

Alexa said it already. Some people are overcorrecting and think that sexual liberation means everyone needs to be okay with everything, and with disclosing everything. Not everyone's liberation looks the same.

For some people, it looks one way, for some, it looks another. I have friends who do OF and I support it and I personally would crawl out of my skin at the thought of letting anyone view me in a sexual manner. I support my friends who have multiple consensual partners while I don't want anyone touching me. For them, their liberation looks like engaging with their sexuality and while maintaining full agency. For me, it looks like refusing to participate in the expectation that I, as a human, am sexual, or that I, as someone perceived as a woman, ought to be attractive & palatable to cishet men. Or something like that.

Anyway. I think it's really harmful for ace people, other sexaverse people, questioning people, trauma survivors, etc to be told that having personal aversions or disintrest around sex is a regressive thing.

So like. That's my RP pet peeve. If a muse is ignorant, that's fine! What I get tired of is the OOC assumption that Alexa is a prude or has moral hangups around sex. He doesn't. He's just a generally sexaverse ace who sometimes experiences sexrepulsion too. It's not an issue with what other people do.

Oh and this goes doubly bc Alexa literally spouts the stupidest shit on air, including claims that he singlehandedly fucked the divorce rate into a spike in the sixties, and that he has all sorts of fetishes from feet to electrocution, like... how y'all gonna see that and call him a prude I'm deceased

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acrystalbirdie · 3 years

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a separate post about emily gwen (creator of the 7-stripe inclusive lesbian flag) and her views on bi lesbians, because i don't want to derail a post for lesbians who find safety under her flag and want to support her monetarily/are looking for a place to buy lesbian pride items.

this isn't me saying to buy or not buy from her. this is meant to be an informative post. with that said, under the cut are screenshots of my past interactions with her when explaining my stance on bi lesbianism from the perspective of a nonbinary person. long post ahead

these are dated from july 2019, when i reached out anonymously to her on her curiouscat. her opinion might have changed since then, but i'm unsure of this. i acknowledge now that this may read as an attack bc i came to her with my opinion already made up, trying to convince her. these asks were prompted by some anti bi/pan lesbian tweets she made that day, but the context isn't necessary

[image ID: a screenshot of @diabolicdyke's curiouscat. an ask from july 22, 2019 features the following text.

you tweeted today about disliking the word "queer" for yourself and as a blanket term, and that's 100% valid! other people have a deep connection with the word - even with its original meaning of "weird" but that doesn't mean you have to like it or use it, and this gives no one the right to describe you using that word. as far as I've seen, you don't have a problem with others self identifying as queer as long as it doesn't apply to you. does this same logic not apply to the term "bi lesbian"?

self-identified queer people are not responsible for the violence that has been enacted among the LGBT+ community, because we are all seen as the same to bigots. this would be the same for anyone that would personally use the term bi lesbian. even if you don't get why people would call themselves queer or bi lesbians their removal does not suddenly make us "acceptable to cishet society."

in addition, you are supportive of he/him lesbians (justly!), but hearing a lesbian refer to her absent partner as "him" can also lead others to assume she is straight or receptive to men's advances. this contradicts the claim that bi lesbians are dangerous for implying male attraction, because they are not the only ones who do so, nor should they or he/him lesbians be blamed for causing lesbophobia.

finally, bisexuality isn't always restricted to the gender binary, and people who use that label aren't responsible for or deserve the binarism that results. if a person describes themselves as bisexual for liking women and nonblnary people, they aren't "asking" for male violence nor are they personally responsible for society's lack of awareness around women, women-leaning folk, and nonbinary people as a whole.

is this something we can civilly discuss? I'd like to hear your thoughts about this, but if this makes you uncomfortable or offends you there's no need to answer. thanks for reading, I know this was rather long 🧡💗

- Anonymous

the response from diabolicdyke reads:

This isn't something we can civilly discuss because 'bi lesbians' are both lesbophobic and biphobic and also don't exist. You like men? Keep the word lesbian out of your lesbophobic, selfish mouth. There have already been men harassing lesbians because they think they can be bi. You're making up a bullshit term that hurts people. If you're attracted to men but still have a preference for women? THAT'S STILL JUST BISEXUALITY.

/end ID.]

[image ID: a screenshot of diabolicdyke's curiouscat. an ask from july 22, 2019 features the following text.

you can be bisexual without liking men... there are more than two genders... nonbinary lesbians and he/him lesbians already exist and aren't responsible for 'inciting" male violence.

I'm not saying that sapphic people should treat women and woman-leaning folk as different. I'm saying that nonbinary people overall are not the same gender as women and this is a way the term bi lesbian can be used - bisexuality does not inherently mean male/female and it's not any sapphic's fault that men will be violent because that is victim blaming them for not doing enough to educate allies. this is like saying "you chose to call yourself queer, you brought this bigotry on yourself and you make all of us look bad"

I don't know how else to say this - it's binarist to assume bi lesbians like men. bi lesbians *do not like men.* there are more than two genders. bi people as a whole aren't to blame for forced heterosexual violence on either the gay or lesbian population. this sexuality is not inherently damaging.

- Anonymous

the response from diabolicdyke reads:

You're ignoring three things:

1- all the nonbinary people who say that what you're saying is bullshit (esepcially nonbinary lesbians)

2- the fact that most bisexual lesbians say they ARE attracted to men

3- the fact that the term bisexual lesbian has TERF origins

/end ID.]

[image ID: a screenshot of diabolicdyke's curiouscat. an ask from july 22, 2019 features the following text.

I'm nonbinary and there's a large part of nonbinary Twitter that agrees with me - bi lesbians aren't replacing nonbinary lesbians. however I can see this is getting us nowhere and there's no room for civil discussion, as you yourself stated. I genuinely hope you have a nice day

- Anonymous

the response from diabolicdyke reads:

Replacing? What are you talking about? Bisexual and lesbian are two separate terms, that's the end of that. Considering that the vast majority of lesbians think this whole thing is grossly lesbophobic, and you are ignoring that, I hope you have a crap day.

/end ID.]

i feel like my arguments are compelling, with the most important one being that self identification is not responsible for anti-LGBTQ+ violence. this places blame on the individual instead of looking at the actual perpetrators of lesbophobia. wlw should not be blamed for the actions of lesbophobic men.

i have roughly the same opinion now, two years later, with one exception: in the ask i specified that bi lesbians are not attracted to men. that was a mistake on my end to define an identity i didn't have myself. i also realize now that it doesn't matter if bi lesbians are attracted to men. these labels are for individuals to define their attraction however they like, and labels should not be "prescriptive," trying to encompass a single definition that must be adhered to.

i gave my opinion because i felt as a nonbinary person that my gender was encompassed under bisexuality/romanticism, and thus that it is possible to be bisexual without having attraction to men, by acknowledging nonbinary alignments as a separate attraction from women. this doesn't change that there are nonbinary lesbians who feel comfortable with being perceived as woman-aligned or non-men. i personally am just not one of them.

#shards of thought #long post #ok to rb #i say that i don't want to tell others whether or not to buy from her #but you can kinda tell how i feel from the screenshots

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