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sweetalnazar · 3 years

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After an eternity, I updated!

CHAPTER 2: A HOUSE, A SHOP AND A HOME

Summary: After the defeat of the Devil, Aisha and Salim catch up on all they’ve missed, including the fate of the home once shared with Asra

4.3k words. Family Fluff/Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort. Tw for discussions of trauma and abandonment

Lowkey Mine/Asra/Muriel.

Other Notes:

- Mine uses she/they, but only ‘they’ in this setting. Asra alternates between ‘he’ and ‘they’

- 'Foreign' words are generally not italicized, to reflect the multilingual nature of the characters

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Chapter 1 || Read on AO3 || Tip Jar 🌟

Their home was no more.

In Aisha’s memory, on her street by the heart of Center City, was the little two-storey house squished between a bathhouse and an apothecary, the place she called home.

The kebab stall down the street, the scent of smoked lamb drifting through the air as she passed it by on the way to the palace. The neighbour opposite her, who grew a rich garden on her balcony with her wife, and gave Aisha a flower each time they met. The sound of the neighbourhood children kicking balls in the streets and chasing each other in the evenings.

The creak of the door hinges that never agreed with Salim’s oils, no matter what formula he used. The colorful tapestries from their families, a parting gift, that decorated the walls, as well as the numerous paintings, from Salim’s hand, from Aisha’s, and of course, Asra’s. The music echoing through their house in the evenings, the strumming of her qanun and Asra’s little hand beating on the riq, Salim’s beautiful voice accompanying.

All of it, every single bit of the house that held all these memories, had been reduced to rubble and broken brick, just like the rest of their neighbourhood.

There was a year of powerful lightning storms in Vesuvia that had led to fire, and the crowded buildings smooshed together, unprepared for such a hazard, was like kindling in a fireplace. Flames engulfed everything in their path, and when they couldn’t, the burning buildings and structures collapsed on their neighbours, leading to almost their entire neighbourhood being destroyed.

According to Asra, he and Muriel––one of his partners––had run away to the east docks during the blaze, closer to water where it was safer. When they returned, there was barely anything left of the neighbourhood, much less the house.

Salim gulped his tea down, to the point he started coughing. Aisha thumped him, once, before switching to alternating between patting and rubbing his back.

“T-that’s something, Asra,” he said, the shock still clear on his face.

“Haha, yeah…” Asra stared awkwardly at his own teacup.

“Revani anyone?” Mine interrupted, holding a plate of brown squares, topped with crushed walnuts and pistachios. “I got a really good recipe from Selasi, so me, Asra and Muriel tried making some.”

Grateful for the interruption, all three at the table took a piece each.

It had been a month or so since the defeat of the Devil, the triumphant return of Asra and Mine, and at long last, Aisha and Salim were catching up on what they had missed since their disappearance almost two decades ago.

The two of them had asked Asra to see their old home, the very first house they had moved in as young newly-weds ready to start their new life.

Instead, he had brought them to the magic shop.

He had gestured for them to sit in a corner of the shop, where a couch and armchairs surrounded a rickety table opposite the counter. While Salim and Aisha took the couch, he had taken an armchair, the one closer to his mother’s side.

With Mine perching on the armrest by his side, and Muriel––quiet as always––sitting by the counter, Asra began regaling the tale of the house’s fate; from the landlord kicking him out, to new tenants, to its demise.

While the palace had remained constant, almost assuring in how little it had changed, much of the city had transformed.

The Coliseum cast shadows across Goldgrave, obstructing the view of the arts district and its colorful antics. Red Street, once the pride of the Heart District and the Count, had been abandoned. Meanwhile, the bustling Shopping District had turned sullen and gloomy, the overflowing waterways mirroring its new name of the Flooded District.

Then there was the little island far off-shore that loomed on the edge of the city, a reminder of darker times. Even the land itself had not stayed the same, the ebony, almost black sands of Ash Beach now bleached gray by the remains of the deceased.

Everywhere she looked, there was nothing but change.

Old stores and restaurants Aisha and Salim had frequented were long gone, the shops now on their fourth or fifth newest venture.There was almost no trace of the Vesuvia Aisha had come to love, the city she had stepped into for her first big project away from home; when she and Salim had been young, newly married and determined to prove their skill away from their families.

Or at least away from Aisha’s family, the renowned Alnazar name.

“Basbousa,” Salim spoke, breaking her train of thought.

She stared down at the cake in hand. Below the brown crust was a familiar buttery yellow.

“I thought I recognized the smell!” Salim went on, holding his piece up enthusiastically.

“It’s a little burnt, sorry,” Mine apologized. “We weren’t sure how hot the oven needed to be, since well, none of us usually bake.”

As Salim and Mine continued making small talk, Aisha took a bite, and her eyes widened.

“Orange blossom syrup,” she said, surprised.

“Just like you made it,” Asra said. He gestured to the cup of orange blossom syrup to the side. “Pour half the syrup while it’s hot––”

“And leave the rest for serving,” she finished. Her chest tightened, a little, and she smiled down at the small square cake.

“I––I didn’t actually remember the name,” Asra confessed. “People in Vesuvia call it ‘revani’, but I always called it the orange blossom cake. Or the cake with semolina butter.”

Aisha laughed. “I remember! You were always trying to eat the entire butter slab while we were baking.”

“What do you mean ‘trying’? They were halfway through their second slab when we caught them that one time,” Salim pointed out.

“Asra!” Mine exclaimed, staring at them with wide eyes. “You didn’t .”

“It tasted nice when I was little,” Asra shrugged. “I liked how the texture felt when I gnashed the butter between my teeth.”

From the counter, there was a snort, and Aisha could have sworn Muriel mumbled, “...typical” under his breath.

Meanwhile, Mine rose to their feet, taking a couple of cakes on their plate, and went over to the counter, squeezing Asra’s hand before they left.

Salim took a few more pieces, munching happily, and Aisha did the same, placing another square on her plate.

“Back to our original topic,” Aisha said, “what happened to the house after that?”

“Oh.” Asra stopped, putting down his plate and taking a quick gulp of tea. “Well, it was kind of abandoned for a long time. Until Melaka––that’s Mine’s aunt––came along.”

“Then…”

Asra nodded. “That’s right. She built the shop right over where the house was.” He leaned back in his chair, and pulled the shimmery curtains behind him away to reveal the view from the large open window.

At the back of the shop, hidden by the tall storefront and the surrounding walls, was a courtyard. Garments flapped gently in the breeze from the clotheslines in the center, the clothing all different sizes. To one side, there was a collection of beakers and jars, as well as larger rectangular containers. They were all filled with dirt, plants of various sizes and types sprouting from them.

“Is that––” Salim squinted, “––another building back there?”

“That’s the kitchen,” Mine said.

“Our main kitchen,” Asra clarified. “It’s where we put the ice box and the big stove and everything. There’s a sitting room too, to eat together.”

Aisha blinked, playing over Asra’s last sentence in her mind.

Had that been an invitation?

“Oh, that’s where Lucia and Hayrünnisa used to live,” Salim said. “Nisa would always give you seeds when she saw you, Asra.”

“Seeds?” Aisha said. “Didn’t she usually give them those little flower crowns and rings?”

Asra’s eyes darted down, looking sheepish.

“Oops, sorry, Asra. It was supposed to be a secret.”

“What was?” Mine said, leaning over the counter, their elbows almost at the edge. Muriel pulled them back, but they stayed standing, bouncing on the balls of their feet.

“I think we’ve heard enough about my childhood,” Asra said, red dusting his cheeks.

“No, we haven’t!” Mine said. “Right, Muriel?”

Muriel nodded. If Aisha hadn’t known any better, she would have said his smile was almost teasing.

“It’s not as embarrassing as you think it was, Asra,” Salim said. “It was very sweet in fact.”

Asra pursed his lips, looking conflicted.

Aisha reached out, slowly taking his hand in hers and squeezing it. Asra snapped his head to look at her, startled.

“Habibi, we don’t have to talk about it if you truly don’t want to,” she told him gently. “But I must admit...I would very much love to hear this little secret of yours.”

Asra chuckled, squeezing her hand back before she released him. “OK, mom. I guess...it has been long enough.”

“Tell us!” Mine said, bouncing faster now, the pink-tipped dark curls resting on their shoulders bouncing higher.

“..calm down,” Muriel muttered, almost fondly, as he placed a hand on their rotund hip and attempted to get them to sit.

“Now for the story,” Asra clapped his hands, his face still a little red as he began. “I saw er, Nisa––”

“Aunty Nisa,” Salim corrected.

“Yeah, Aunty Nisa was always giving you flowers, mom, and I, I wanted to do that too. A whole bouquet of flowers that I grew on my own.”

“You wanted to make a big balcony garden just like hers.” Salim shook his head. “It took a while to talk you down too.”

“It’s true,” Asra laughed. “Dad convinced me to start small. He would let me borrow the beakers and jars from your lab. We’d get some dirt and I’d put them on the ledge under my window where you couldn’t see.”

“So that’s where all our equipment went!” Aisha said, smiling at her husband. She placed an arm around his shoulder, pressing herself closer. “And here I was, half-convinced you were melting them down for some explosive new experiment.”

“Aisha, I would never.”

She gave him a knowing look.

“...without telling you first, that is.”

“That is true. I do dislike not being privy to the workings of your beautiful mind, ya qalbi.”

“Of course, ya a’youni. How could I ever do anything without my eyes to guide me so?”

For a while, there was silence, as Aisha and Salim gazed lovingly at each other, lost in the other’s eyes.

Up until Muriel cleared his throat, mumbling, “...Getting mushy must run in the family.”

“Shh, Muriel,” Mine whispered loudly, elbowing him. “It’s romantic . Let them be!”

“Anyway,” Asra said, “So that’s my little secret, mom. I hope you, er, liked it?”

“I loved it, habibi. Thank you, it was very sweet.”

“We should try that again.” Mine bounded up to the chair, settling on the armrest again. “Growing a flower garden. We could get a few more beakers––oh, a proper plant bed maybe? Portia has a great garden, we could ask her for tips and stuff!”

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Um, I mean, if you’d like, mom and dad.”

Aisha blinked, confused for a moment, until the meaning clicked. “You want us to garden...together?”

“Only if you want to,” Asra quickly clarified. “It’s fine if you don’t, it really is.”

“Not at all, Asra,” Salim said. “I think that’s a lovely idea.”

Aisha nodded firmly.

Asra smiled, then faltered, looking down. Before either Salim or Aisha could ask him what was the matter, he had pulled Mine close, whispering into their ear.

They bobbed their head, before their attention turned to Aisha and Salim. “We were also wondering if the two of you wouldn’t mind joining us for dinner sometime. Yknow, once in a while, we could sit down around the table and um, just enjoy a family meal.”

“A little get-together sort of thing,” Asra added. “Nothing special.”

“Oh, but habibi, that is something special,” Aisha said. “We, we haven’t really had anything like that in a long time.”

“Y-you don’t have to––”

“We want to,” Aisha and Salim said simultaneously.

“Asra,” Aisha began, “We have missed so much, too much, of your life. Every moment we can share with you, even in the littlest ways, they are precious.”

“We can’t make up all that lost time,” Salim said. “But we are going to try and make the most of our present. We can only spend so long lamenting our losses. We want to move forward...with you, Asra, if possible.”

Asra’s eyes glistened in the soft sunlight filtering through the curtain, and Mine put an arm around him, a reassurance.

“There’s no rush, of course,” Aisha said. “We can go at your pace, as you like.”

“N-no, it’s not, it’s not that.”

He cleared his throat, wiping at the corner of his eye with his thumb. Mine undid one of the clothknots from their fingers and offered it, which Asra accepted and dabbed at his eyes.

“Muri, come over here,” Asra waved. “I want you to be closer for this.”

“...fine.”

Muriel shuffled over, chair in hand, before placing it down next to Asra and taking a seat. There was another empty armchair, across from Asra, but it seemed both his partners wanted to stay close to him right now.

Asra took a deep breath, his thumb running over Mine’s knuckles, before he started speaking.

“Mom, dad, I, I spent a long time alone. It was...it wasn’t easy. I had Muri, but we barely got by, especially when we were younger.”

Aisha swallowed, one hand gripping the edges of her hijab as she braced her heart. Neither she nor Salim were not technically at fault, but nonetheless, how could she not feel pain or guilt or grief over what her child, her precious little one, had been forced to go through in the absence of his parents?

How could she not feel responsible for the pain Asra had gone through?

“We had good times, Muri and I, but––but there were a lot of days that hurt. There were a lot of days that were painful and scary.” Another inhale, Mine squeezing his hand. “...But what hurt most of all was wondering if, if you had left me alone on purpose.”

“Asra,” Salim breathed, the shock in his tone mirroring Aisha’s own. “We would never.”

“I know. I know that now. But when I was little and afraid, I had no idea. You just suddenly never came home, and sometimes––sometimes I wondered if it was me. That I had done something wrong, or if there was something wrong with me that made you want to leave.”

Salim opened his mouth to speak, but Aisha raised a hand, wordlessly gesturing for him to wait. Asra still had more to say.

“For the longest time, I believed no one would stay for me.” Tears rolled down his cheeks, dropping into his lap like little pearls, and his lips quivered as he said, “Because you two didn’t stay.”

Asra closed his eyes, exhaling, while more tears dripped down. Muriel passed a handkerchief to Mine, who promptly wiped at Asra’s cheeks.

“T-thanks, Mine, Muri,” he mumbled.

After wiping away most of his tears, Asra raised his head, meeting Aisha and Salim’s gazes.

“Mom, dad, it’s not your fault, but it took me a long time to let people in again. To actually let people love all of me, instead of keeping a part of myself out of their reach so I wouldn’t get hurt. I––I’m actually still afraid, of letting people in. What if they get tired of me? What if they don’t want me anymore? What then?”

Asra had every right to be angry, to be upset, but to Aisha’s astonishment, a smile spread across his face, his expression growing brighter with each word.

“But I don’t want to be held back by my fears anymore. Even if I am afraid, I––I still want to try. Mom, dad, I want to try at us being a family again. I know it won’t be easy, and I know there will be a lot of times where things don’t go the way we planned. Despite that...would you still want to try with me?”

“Of course,” Aisha and Salim answered immediately.

“Asra...you’ve been through so much,” Salim said. “I am so, so sorry for what we put you through. I know the situation was out of our control, but not a day goes by that we don’t regret leaving you alone. You were so young, we should have been there to protect you, to help you.”

“But we weren’t,” Aisha said, unballing her fist and letting her hijab fall back into place. “Habibi, your scars run deep, and neither our apologies or efforts are enough to heal each and every past hurt. You can be angry or bitter towards us, we both understand. Regardless, we will always love you.”

Salim nodded. “No matter what. We might disagree with each other, or argue until our voices go hoarse, or even hate each other for a time, but no matter what happens, our love will never change.”

“To put it simply,” Aisha said, “nothing would make us happier than to try together with you, Asra, to be a family again.”

Asra’s hands flew to his face and he doubled over in the chair, white curls touching his knees.

“Asra?!” Mine and Muriel exclaimed, Muriel jumping to his feet to come closer.

Then, Asra lifted his head, and Aisha understood his reaction.

His cheeks were completely damp, tears flowing freely, along with snot running from his nose. His body quivered with soft sobs he was barely holding in, both his partners hugging him on either side.

He had been such a messy crier as a child, and some things didn’t change.

“I––I’m sorry, I’m just...I’m f––feeling a lot of things right now,” he managed to choke out, attempting a wobbly smile.

“There, there,” Mine said, rubbing his back, while Muriel poured water into his teacup.

Once he had calmed down, though his eyes were still watery, he continued.

“Thanks, mom, dad. Thank you….for everything. I, I never thought I would hear you say that and I just…”

Mine patted his shoulder. “There, there, sayang. We get it. Go at your own pace.”

He rested his head on their chest. “Thank you, dearheart. And you, Muri, love.”

Muriel grunted. He had gone back to sit down, but his chair had been moved closer, in case Asra needed quick comforting once more.

Aisha smiled. “Seems to me like you’ve certainly found many who love you dearly.”

“And I’m lucky for each and every one.”

“As we’re lucky to have you, Asra,” Salim said. “Thank you, habibi, for being the sweetest, kindest and loveliest child there ever was.”

He laughed weakly. “Dad, stop.”

“It is true though,” Aisha said. “Take my word for it, I’m never wrong.”

Asra chuckled and shook his head, affection clear in the gesture. “Mom, dad...I love you. So much.”

Aisha blinked, her vision becoming watery now. She leaned over, grasping Asra’s hand.

Together, she and Salim said, “We love you too.”

The hours seemed to fly by as the conversation carried on, the edges of the blue sky starting to bleed orange soon enough. When Aisha pointed it out, Asra stammered out an invitation to stay for dinner tonight, and Mine jumped to their feet in excitement, suggesting all of them could even cook together.

Naturally, Aisha and Salim happily accepted.

When Asra asked what they would like to eat, Aisha took one look at her husband, and in unison, they answered, “Lamb fatteh!”

In Zadithi tradition, fatteh was a celebratory dish of rice and toasted pita bread, piles of mutton crowning the top and accompanied by savory sauces. Around many parts of the country, it was the Mahrajan dish, for the Mahrajan Qurban, or the Mahrajan Saum.

Aisha had many a happy memory of breaking her fast to a plate piled high with falafel and fatteh and roasted eggplant, family and friends and loved ones all around her, and she could not help but wish her child could also have such wonderful memories too, even if it was a little late.

By sunset, the shop’s kitchen was a mess of splatters and ingredients strewn about, rice sticking to Aisha's hijab while the dark curls of Salim's fringe had stains of tomato paste. Yet at the same time, there was laughter and chatter resounding throughout the whole building, never quiet for a single moment.

And despite the mess, the fatteh turned out beautifully, looking gorgeous as Salim and Muriel brought it out on its large dish, almost dominating the entire coffee table.

Asra closed his eyes, inhaling deeply. Quietly, he said, “I haven’t smelled this in years. It’s just as wonderful as I remember.” He opened his eyes, turning to his parents. “I could never find the recipe to make it just like yours.”

“It’s the eggplant,” Salim said, brushing the last of the rice off her hijab. “Your mother loves them.”

Aisha laughed. “It’s the best part. My abi would make it like that.”

“My...grandfather?"

She nodded, her gaze becoming wistful. “It’s been such a while since we’ve seen my family. Your family, Asra. We are planning to reconnect soon...if you would want to.”

Asra bit his lip.

“You don’t have to, habibi,” Salim quickly said. “They are your family regardless, but you don’t have to force yourself into anything.”

“I’ll think about it….but maybe, I would like to meet them. Someday.”

Beside Asra, Mine bumped his shoulder, done with tying Muriel's hair back into a ponytail. “Baby steps, love. Take your time,” they said.

On Asra's other side, Muriel nodded in agreement. With his bangs out of his face, Aisha could see the softness beneath his gruff exterior, the love reflected in the green of his irises as he gazed at his partners. Truly, her child was surrounded by such wonderful people.

“Mine’s right,” Aisha spoke. “You can take your time, Asra. Whether it’s finding your roots in Zadithi, or connecting with us here in Vesuvia, your family isn’t going anywhere.”

Asra’s smile was soft and small, but radiant. “Thanks, mom.”

“Speaking of, can we start digging in yet?” Mine piped up. “I’m starving, and this fatteh smells wayyy too good for just staring at it.”

The rest of the table guffawed, even Muriel chuckling under his breath.

“Dig in, everyone!” Salim said

After reciting a tasmiya, they all began their meal, scooping up piles of rice and bread and lamb and eggplant, drizzling their dishes with ladles of tomato sauce and garlic sauce.

As Aisha was halfway through her plate, Muriel told Asra, “You never did finish the story about the house.”

Asra put down his fork, surprise clear on his face. “Huh? What did I leave out?”

“Why it took so long for this place to be built.”

Asra’s cheeks flushed at this, in a way Aisha was starting to recognize.

“Asra Alnazar,” she said, “what did you do this time?”

“ Nothing ,” he said, though his expression was sheepish. “Things just...took a while. No one wanted this palace until Melaka came along. Once she did, she bought this lot and the one behind, and well, she rebuilt.”

“Despite Asra’s best efforts,” Mine whispered to Muriel, grinning.

“What do you mean?” Aisha asked, ears sharp as ever, before turning to Asra. “Habibi, what do they mean?

The blush grew deeper, his cheeks aflame, and he looked away.

“Go on, Asra,” Muriel said, a little quiet, but a small, teasing smile tugging on his usually downturned mouth. “Tell them all about the hauntings.”

“The what ?” Salim exclaimed.

Asra covered the lower half of his face with his hands, his cheeks aflame now.

Mine cackled. “Go on, Asra. I’m sure your parents will love this.”

With a sigh, he relented. “So, dad, mom, after the landlord kicked me out, I may have been, well, scaring all the new tenants away.”

“With an actual ghost?” Salim said.

“N–no, that was just me, doing some magic. Playing some pranks.”

“Scaring every single resident half to death,” Mine said.

“And sending them scurrying out in the middle of the night,” Muriel added.

“Yes, that.” Asra cleared his throat, continuing in a quieter voice, “And I may have also...committed property damage after Melaka first moved in.”

“ What?! ” Aisha said, her voice going shrill, trying to keep the grin from spreading across her face. “Asra!”

“Don’t forget breaking and entering,” Muriel chimed in.

“Trespassing too~” Mine sang. “I’m surprised auntie didn’t curse you into a toad or something.”

Asra glanced from one partner to the other. “Tonight is just about dredging up my entire embarrassing history, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” Mine and Muriel replied.

“And we’re enjoying every bit of it,” Mine said, Muriel bobbing his head as well.

“So what happened next?” Aisha interjected. “Were you caught by Miss Melaka?”

“Yep,” Muriel said.

“I was,” Asra admitted. “And then…”

The night passed with stories of past memories, both the ones Aisha and Salim knew, and those they didn’t. And while a part of Aisha’s heart still panged at how much she had missed, she couldn’t help the joy and delight blossoming in her chest.

Perhaps they could not take back the past.

But to be allowed to be a part of Asra’s present, to be able to learn about the sort of person her child used to be and the person he was now, it was a gift beyond measure.

And to know that they were still a family, that he still had a place in his life for them after all these years?

It was beyond her wildest dreams.

––––

Notes Disclaimer: I'm not Middle Eastern or Arab, and much of this is pulled from the internet as well as some of my own basic knowledge as a Malaysian Muslim. Please feel free to correct anything.

Qanun: A type of stringed instrument found across the Middle East, Asia, Africa and southeastern Europe. Riq: A type of tambourine and a traditional instrument in Arab music. It's the national musical instrument of Pakistan Revani/Basbousa: A type of sweet cake popular in the Middle East, and has many names Fatteh: A type of dish that is served differently depending on region. In Egypt, it is a type of feast meal

Abi (ابي): Arabic, from abu (أب)/father, meaning 'my father' Habibi (حبيبي): Arabic, from huub (حب)/love, meaning 'my love' Ya Qalbi (قلبي): Arabic, from qalb (قلب)/heart, meaning 'my heart' Ya A'youni (عيونى): Arabic, from a'in (عين)/eye, meaning 'my eyes', an affectionate petname. *Ya is a word often placed before names/nouns, ie 'Ya Aisha' or 'Ya Habibi'. The closest translation I understand is akin to saying "O Aisha", but not quite accurate

Mahrajan (مهرجان) : Arabic, meaning festival. Eid, the biggest celebrations of the Muslim world, can also translate to festival and in this story, Mahrajan is essentially fantasy!Eid. Mahrajan Qurban refers to Eid ul Adha, while Mahrajan Saum refers to Eid ul Fitri Tasmiya (تَسْمِيَّة): Arabic, a fantasy equivalent to the Basmala. In Muslim tradition, it is common to utter a Basmala before carrying out a task such as before eating

Clothknots: Mine has ADHD and to help with their forgetfulness, they often tie clothknots around their fingers to serve as reminders Sayang: Malay, meaning 'love'. Here, it's used as a petname

#the arcana game #the arcana fanfic #the arcana fan apprentice #asra alnazar #muriel (the arcana)#aisha alnazar #salim alnazar #trauma discussion tw #i absolutely adored writing this #it was such a palette cleanser!#i hope yall like this too #mimi's originals #writing by the mims

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calpalsworld · 3 years

Note

Not "autistic anon," but also autistic, (being called maybe ableist made me want to put this out there before go to bed) i thought Zane was depicted that way purposefully by the writers. He has stereotypical traits like taking things literally, and has an actual humor switch. The writers have done things with Zane before like have him lose bodily autonomy (during that one Wu's teas short) and did something with his voice be it making him unable to be understood or talking too loud and the forced pirate voice by Jay. (what you're doing isn't too different from that, right?) I thought it was just a little iffy to distort his body and memory bc that could be interpreted as something not that I'm sure what exactly, it's some kind of disability. I dunno. I'm not good with putting this to words. I hope this makes sense.

Sorry I went to bed but now I’m awake 😭

Also I ended up totally spilling all my thoughts here rather than only specifically replying to you please forgive me context: my scary zane concept design, & my ninjago rewrite i refer to a lot

Im a little confused but I think I get what you're saying? You're saying the Ninjago writers absolutely DON'T write Zane well (you listed examples of this) and you don't want me to fall into the same trap?

I had the opposite logic earlier. I thought: If Ninjago writers made Zane have stereotypical autisitic traits while also being a dehumanized robot, I may as well embrace it, say he is autistic blatantly, while also making him do funny/cool non-human robot things, so its clear as possible the two aspects of his character are literal and separate and not a metaphor for each other. But you're right! I do have a choice and I dont have to embrace things! :)

Like there were a couple ways I was gonna reject the original, for example, I never wanted Zane to have a funny switch, and I hated how other characters could fuck with Zane and he didn't even care 😬. I want to change that stuff. So youre right, if I am changing shit like that, it would be counterproductive for ME to GIVE him MORE traits along that theme. 😬😬😬 I should try to feel less obligated to portray Zane like he originally is. I still like the concept of "scary zane" (for reasons i explain below the cut) but I might tone it down a bit like with the claws and weird proportions and shit. I’d def make him look more skeletal and undead. That was my original intention, but i didnt execute it as good as I could have.... idk if anyone could tell thats what he was supposed to be like...my bad! But rn I dont wanna redesign him I wanna draw other stuff like normal alive Zane. Sorry LMAO 😳. Like I said in some earlier asks I think, I think Im gonna focus rn on how I should portray season 1 normal not dead Zane so thank you and feel free to share any other Zane thoughts ^_^ SOME OTHER THOUGHTS:

Also I Wanna Argue Some Stuff But I Understand its a Weak Argument Since All of This Context was Just In My Brain (so don't take this as an argument, just as me rambling): I don't want messed up things to happen to Zane and for it to just be ignored. I think if Zane is going to have fucked up things happen to him, as all characters must, its best for it to happen during a season where he actually addresses his feelings about being a robot (learning to accept that he will always be himself, regardless if hes "human" or the "original" or whatever. (thats how I always interpreted his emotions)). But I wouldn't have the other Ninja be very phased by Zane's looks because the whole point is they already love who he is (seasons 1-3 were about getting to know Zane) and now Zane himself just has to learn the physical, robot part of him is okay. Its about person-hood rather than humanity. Because the season focuses around Zane's soul, and because he lost his original body, I feel like I could mess around with his current, temporary body and have fun and make it scary. Because that body should be irrelevant. I understand it possibly being upsetting for an autistic character to be designed like this, but other people I talked to see it the opposite way. They find it comforting for him to look so different but still be himself and be so loved. SO IM ABSOLUTELY NOT saying its wrong to be bothered or to hate it or to feel any way. Just that I personally think it would be cool for Zane to be portrayed with a little spice lol, so thats why I like scary Zane for season 4.

Another Thing I Wannna Say But Is REALLY Hypocritical: (this isnt directed at anyone I just REALLY want to say this) I know I say "this is Zane but scary, he looks like fnaf" so he's obviously dehumanized, but I always felt like "scary" is more of an objective fact. Its an instinct. But what's "not human" is subjective. I think there is a problem with saying anything different from "average" human is dehumanized because that could extend to real people. Lol I know its bad for me to compare FNAF-ass Zane to real people, but I mean he could be real. People can have exposed teeth, and people can be shaped weird. And when someone first sees a person who looks like that they'll probably think "woah those features are scary" by instinct. And that surprise doesn't make someone ableist obviously. But bring that person’s humanity into question is NOT an instinct, and is fucked to shit. This is kinda a bad point for me to make since its about the fictional FNAF Zane I drew, and I am NOT implying ANYONE was thinking like this. [especially not the original asker anon who I am totally forgetting about at this point OOPS]. But I just thought it was an opinion of mine I couldn't go without mentioning when talking about dehumanization and disabilities.

^^^ I think you (anon) understand what I mean and might’ve said the exact same thing as me if you were writing a long ass response? I think this because you started to bring physical disabilities up and you said it was "a little iffy." ^_^ So we agree, but I don't see Zane's relation to real life disabilities as "a little iffy" I see it more like "complicated"? IF THAT DIFFERENCE EVEN MAKES ANY SENSE?????? I feel like a lot of things about Zane are really just complicated and need the right context, rather than the concepts necessarily being wrong -- NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT! THATS THE WHOLE REASON I DO THIS STUPID REWRITE! XD thats why a lot of my rewrite SO FAR has been the same concepts and plot beats, but different dialogue n specifics and such. I like a lot of concepts in Ninjago but I dont think they were presented correctly.....! :( So I guess all we can do is wait and see if I make Zane offensive or not....???

Also something about the memory part - yeah i agree i was surprised no one thought that was weird to make jokes out of his memory issues..... BUT I am like 100% firm on making his memory take longer to come back because I think its stupid how quick Zane was able to recover from literally dying. Like its just dumb to me. Hate it. (also bc memory & soul mechanics is ummm kinda important in my rewrite.... for reasons). Another memory thing btw, I was going to make his original amnesia come from hitting his head in an attack against the Skulkin when they stole his dads corpse, rather than his dad fucking choosing to make him forget. (its a sweet & iconic scene, but Um, WHY?!!!?!?!?!?) He has to follow data recovery instructions he finds in his dads diary. I think in that context it makes moments of memory loss somewhat different for Zane's character? Instead of loss of autonomy associated with disability, its a literal violent loss of autonomy associated with being traumatized by physical force. Idk how to phrase it exactly but I think that makes some vibes different?

Sorry, I think I got really distracted, and I don't know if I responded well to your points. Because uhhhh I think I agree with your stance actually? If I understand correctly? Fuck Ninjago writers for making the robot lose autonomy (a stereotypical robot theme) while also making him seem clearly autistic (NOT A HAPPY THEME FOR AUTISTIC PEOPLE) and not addressing it. And also auuugh Zane with a weird body is a difficult topic - kinda sussy pretty iffy.

Lol anyway idk if this made any sense and I REALLY rambled on you. but this was nice 👉👈 more Zane criticism pls love you and i love zane. i hope u dont feel mad at me because then it would be weird that im saying that lol. if you do feel mad at me tho you can send another ask (ILL TRY TO JUST LISTEN NOT RAMBLE NEXT TIME) but assuming ur chill rn, love you thnx

Take this page, don’t mind cole’s ass.

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ryouverua · 5 years

Text

Trial 6 - ”hello, world!” (6)

Time to pick up the fallen torch.

Trial: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

K.... K1-b0? This - this must be you, right?

I’ve been waiting for this moment since the beginning of the chapter 3 trial! Finally, the explanation I’ve been craving! If - if the inner voice is coming into play now - it might actually be a benevolent force, right? Maybe? At this point we just need something to keep us moving forward...

Yes!!!

..... Oops.

“And please choose the right answer this time.”

Okay okay, jeez -

K1... K1-b0? W-Why not - ?

...... remedy the situation. Not save... but fix...???

Voices??? It’s plural now? Does that include me, the player?

K1-b0! Your moment has finally come, with no more lasers or explosions required! hopefully

WAIT

WE’RE OFFICIALLY IN HIS POV NOW???

This is incredibly late game for a protagonist switch b-but okay! also oh god what does that say about Sweetcheeks’s condition -

I’m glad we haven’t completely lost Shuichi. ): He really does look like he’s not with us, though. How can we help him? I joke about how much I love this sprite, but it’s awful seeing him like this.

But apparently Shuichi’s been relegated to the sidelines entirely now, because K1-b0 is entirely focused on Jun - Tsumugi. Oh boy, I almost started thinking of her as Junko. I will not let her hide behind her characters, damn it!

Yes! Yes, exactly! She can’t have it both ways!

YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE ANNOYED YOU APPARENTLY WROTE HIM TO BE THIS WAY!!!

Ooh? Yeah, the text is changing at the bottom...

U U H I’M SORRY YOU CAN’T JUST DROP A BOMB LIKE THAT SO ABRUPTLY -

TSUMUGI LET HIM HAVE HIS COOL MOMENT

HE LITERALLY JUST GOT HIS MOMENT IN THE SUN DON’T JUST UNDERCUT HIM OUT OF NOWHERE

no seriously she didn’t even give him a chance to build up momentum

The way she’s able to just dismiss him so casually like that, just completely trivializing him, is absolutely brutal. also what plotline lol -

I-I mean I’m joking, he has had a ‘coming to terms with his status as a robot amongst humans and accepting himself’ plotline! Sorta! It’s just been pretty.... well, behind the scenes. I just wished we got to see more of you and Miu together at the very least.

Wait -

He’s been the actual audience’s surrogate? That.... that means his ahoge....... really is the connection to the outside... but also, the only thing holding him back from going kamikaze??? It’s basically an outside force that’s been suppressing his free will?

Oh shit... is that why the game switched us to this POV, for that reveal? Well-damn-played, DRV3!

.....

wow this is getting worse and worse, huh

ALSO OH NO WAY TO SMASH HIS FRAGILE SELF-ESTEEM INTO PIECES

“You know all those hi~lar~ious asides everyone had at your expense about you being no more important than your average kitchen appliance? Guess what - ! They were r i g h t!”

Somehow I wonder if it would have been better if it was the mastermind’s will. At least it would assign him some sense of importance, even if that stinging feeling of betraying his friends would be there. At least he wouldn’t literally just be the subject of some nameless audiences’ whims - as it is, he’s basically been relegated to the status of ‘plaything’.

From Chapter 3 onward, when I was thinking about it, I wasn’t sure originally if I should consider it a force for good or evil - it seemed to be generally benevolent and since he didn’t take any actions against anyone, it was generally okay for me to discard it as an extension of ‘a mastermind whose goal was for everyone to be at odds with each other/kill each other’. He was always one of the most willing to cooperate with the others, too! I even considered if any of his actions had indirectly caused tension or murder, and I couldn’t find any instances where he did. But if he’s been at the beck and call of a third party, who’s been directing him for the sake of entertainment? Well, that’s a completely different story. In that context... everything makes... a lot more sense...

.... Except for his Chapter 5 actions??? He nearly got Shuichi to take him out twice??

Wait, actually - oh, this does change how I might look at him from this point on. How often would he consult the voice? Do the decisions override his own every time? Does that mean he can only make a move at the behest of the audience????

THE WAY HE PUT IT IS EVEN MORE DEMEANING

fhgh I guess that answers one of my questions

THE GIMMICK....

every production buzzword thrown in makes my stomach drop more

S-Shit the last time he had his ‘short-circuiting’ sprite was when Kokichi did his mastermind reveal in tandem with the ‘outside world’ reveal - D:

A.... Are you trying to make them feel bad for you, because I don’t think it’s working -

omg I just realized there would totally be twitter threads and reddit posts and stuff dedicated to this, and I’m trying to imagine the rage!posts that would swarm them as users ran to the internet to bitch about how ‘the robot totally isn’t responding to us anymore!’ and ‘I bet they’re rigging it so the ending goes the way they want! What a cop out ending!’ and hell, one of those more topical ‘let 👏 us 👏 control 👏 the 👏 robot 👏 you 👏 cowards 👏’

K1-B0 WAS THE CAMERA?!?!

..................................

glances at my computer monitor, then back here

ahahaha I am officially part of the outside world!mastermind tomfoolery oh god I’m so sorry everyone

Wait.... wait. Wait! So the Nanokumas’ footage is for the mastermind’s exclusive use? Really?

I... I was under the impression that if this audience was watching everyone, they’d have access to everything....

Then how different would this all look from only K1-b0′s eyes?! Did he know about Kaito’s training, for example? About Kaede and Shuichi’s practical inseparability in the first chapter? Wow, how different would this entire thing look from K1-b0′s exclusive POV?

I’m sorry what?

okay okay she’s going off on a despair rant which is - y’know, great, you do you and whatever - but I think it just turned my brain off a little bit. Like I just got catapulted back to DR1.

A-Are we really turning back to the whole ‘Junko persona’ idea? That she took on that role specifically, and by taking on the role as ‘Junko Enoshima’ she feels obligated to follow it through to the end? B-But...... but??? For a show??? That’s... no, that can’t be right, that’s weird, that’s stupid, that can’t be right....

You gotta admire her dedication to the craft I-I MEAN NO

WHAT THE HELL TSUMUGI

THAT IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH MOTIVE

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT KIND OF REASON

SHUT THE FUCK UP KOMAEDA AND DON’T LOOK SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS oh that actually felt pretty good

i say this as someone whose previous favourite was komaeda it was very love/hate don’t @ me

Oh hey, the opening music is on! Is this the big turnabout we’ve been waiting for? It’s.... so.... weird that it’s coming from K1b0 now? Also wasn’t this sort of the plot of the DR3 anime via the Ultimate Animator or -

I??? I guess??? Weren’t they all just screaming DESPAIR at Shuichi a minute ago??? Isn’t it their comments on the screen???

Inspirational and all but -

I’m GoINg to cHOkE anD DiE

ULTIMATE HOPE ROBOT

FJKGHSDKLFJ

WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME

oh shit well there’s text saying Hope now so I guess something has changed out there

I believe it’s called déjà vu.

No seriously, am I hallucinating? Is this not what led to the whole final vote in DR1 or am I going crazy? Is this... what is.... happening........???? And Shuichi has just completely BSoDed in the corner??? Like, is he disassociating right now? Where is he?

It’s interesting that she looks happy here compared to angry Junko. She looked excited earlier when K1-b0 challenged her too (her new jazz-hands!sprite, lol) too, and her voice is on the brink of. Uh. I’m just going to say it’s getting very.... passionate. Is she just that confident or...?

Oh hey their sprites mirror each other. Parallels. :D

I like how Tsumugi is having Makoto say this part ~

But this brings up a good question... how exactly is this so-called final battle going to work? If they can’t fight for the right to leave, then what can they do?

alksdfj Himiko and Maki have also been so quiet this so time - I almost forgot they were there. K1-b0 and Tsumugi are basically the only ones doing the talking and between all the cosplays it feels like there are way more people here than there actually are - which is the point, I think? It really adds to that oppressive, ‘everyone is against you four’ atmosphere.

“- DETAILS DETAILS anyway it’s happening I don’t really care, now about that special vote ~”

This -

This is literally DR1?!?!

This.... this is strange. There has to be incentive to vote one way or the other. Is she going to tie ‘vote for K1-b0’ and ‘you’ll be forced into a world where you can’t/shouldn’t exist’ together vs ‘Vote for Tsumugi′ and ‘stay inside forever’? That’s.... what happened in the others, right?

Shuichi, mentally clocked out but occasionally checking back in so he doesn’t miss anything important: Wow this is absolute bullshit

Yeah... there’s no way they weren’t going to find a way to tempt you to vote for K1-b0. Okay, lay it on us.

YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE THEM KEEP GOING?!?!

“Ugh why did I let myself get lured back into the conversation by my bitchin’ ‘Lazy Parallel World’ theme song I’m going to mentally check out again because everything hurts and I want to die -”

There.... there aren’t....??

THAT’S NOT ENCOURAGING omg I missed that catchphrase it always made me laugh

I??? I don’t know if I can trust that??? If you can literally make flashback lights to override their old memories - if you can force it on them, whether they’re willing or not - if you can delete the last 24 hours, you could make them do something again??? T-Though if Tsumugi is gone... but then again, there’s a whole team of people behind this apparently! Her being gone means nothing!

“So you cannot leave this place.” Is it? Is it literally, physically impossible to leave this place? That’s the real question. the impossible is possible all you gotta do is make it so... s o b

HOW EVIL CAN YOU GET

HOW COULD YOU NOT EVEN GIVE THEM A POSSIBILITY OF RETURNING TO THEIR ORIGINAL SELVES

WHY WOULD ANYONE MAKE SOMETHING LIKE THAT WHY WOULD THAT BE OKAY FOR A PUBLICLY TELEVISED TV SHOW

For that matter this whole damn series sounds like a snuff film, if actually people are involved. Dear lord, even if they are actually adults - and I desperately hope that if this is true, that the outside world is actually like this, and watches this for fun, then they have a ‘18+’ rule for auditions (actually considering the love hotel exists they must be at least 18 ggh) - even the survivors.... have been killed, in a sense. Their previous selves have been killed. They were dead the moment they entered the world...

So either 16 people consented to ‘dying’ in an existential sense as well as possibly a physical sense, or 16 people were kidnapped and ‘killed’ for the entertainment of the world. I.... I actually... do at least believe, no matter what, that there is a depraved audience viewing this from somewhere. There’s no way there isn’t - this feedback via comments, the scene with that kid Makoto watching this at the beginning of this chapter - those are true. And they were more than okay with the idea of these people dying for their entertainment, even the so-called winners.

You can only create new identities, not recover them... I, I dunno. Somehow that’s so much more soul-crushing than a lot of the other things that have come up this trial.

t-the way his voice is breaking skdlfjgh -

W HA T!?

WHAT THE FU -

WHY?! WHY?! WHY MUST IT ONLY BE TWO, EVERY TIME?! WHY HAVE YOU BEEN SO DETERMINED TO ONLY HAVE TWO PEOPLE SURVIVE TO THE END?!

H.... How the hell.... are they supposed to do that?! Is that how you’re doing it?! Putting the burden of the decision on them, in order to break them?!

H-HE LITERALLY SOUNDS LIKE HE’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN SOBBING ANY SECOND I CAN’T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS

She is really trying to push that point, huh... but there it is. They can escape to the ‘outside world’. That is a cold comfort at this point, but...

They...... I don’t. I don’t know. I wouldn’t be able to do this - look my classmates in the eyes and condemn them. I guess this somehow managed to be worse than DR1.

K1-B0 NO

fml of course the only potential option would be students choosing self-sacrifice

I... I’m glad Shuichi is showing concern. I’ve noticed it a few times, how finally in the last chapter or so that he’s been observant of K1-b0′s well-being where the others haven’t been.

But I’m getting distracted - that’s not the point! FML I know he’s been shown those extremist tendencies towards the vague ideal of hope and destroying the despair, I - between this and the ‘destroying the school’ rampage he went on - what is he aiming for? You’re saying that you’re trying to defeat despair, but what is that? Is hope just the opposite of despair? Is despair just whatever Tsumugi says it is, so we’re immediately opposed to it, as the representatives of hope? Are you fighting for them to escape? Why is everyone surviving together ‘living despairful lives’ if Tsumugi is gone and they aren’t trying to kill each other anymore? What makes it that way? Why is this considered ‘defeating despair’? What does that even mean?

I... I guess K1-b0 would be punished anyway if they voted for him, but.... still....

Ugh, I get it. I get that kibou is hope, and that K1-b0 is therefore hope, and that we’re fighting for him to win or... something.... uhghghgh

DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE SHUICHI

This was such an uncomfortable parade of ~ideal waifus~ sdlkfjsdf especially when we were getting into the ‘super tiny/cute’ territory because I have absolutely no interest in that whatsoever also I accidentally deleted Mahiru’s cameo sorry -

.... I wonder if this would’ve been more effective if I was the target audience for this? Either way, ending on Junko was still an offsetting choice, right? Right??

..........

Wait for that matter, who was this aimed for? Who out of Maki, Himiko or Shuichi would have fallen for that? Even if you believe that Maki or Himiko have an interest in women, nothing about the types they showed or may have shown interest in the game (Maki @ Kaito, Himiko @ Angie, Tenko and hell, even Kokichi) would lend them to the girls Tsumugi just cosplayed as? And even Shuichi’s strongest interest were in Kaede and Kaito - so who is Tsumugi trying to appeal to here?!

Oh shit we’re going into a mass panic debate! Okay, okay okay - !

.... Oh. Oh boy, I have to shoot down every mention of despair. Uh, okay -

OMFG I missed the screenshot but Monokuma started shilling their merch and their website I cannot even deal with how they’ll occasionally devolve into corporate shilling it’s so good -

But!!! We’ve got better things to do than get caught up in Monokuma’s commercializing of the class trial!

MAKI

NO MAKI WHY

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR LAST CHAPTER IS THAT WHAT’S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

omg

are you telling me

you’re not even doing this out of guilt

it’s spite

you’re doing this out of spite

you’re sacrificing yourself purely ou t of spite

MAKI HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE MAKI, AGAIN??? AGAIN?!?!?!”

“LET ME KILL SOMEONE SAIHARA IT’S MY DAMN TALENT FFS -”

DOES THIS SCREENSHOT SAY ‘SHUICHI LOOKS YUMMY <3′ YOU’RE RUINING THE MOMENT

okay I’m not going to feel right until I write down the new set of comments

Makiiii

my darling assassin T_T

Hope lives on!

Shuichi looks yummy <3

Well said!

Another hope loop?

Hope is contagious!

Two steps forward...

Don’t lose to despair!

Don’t tempt Maki’s fate...

That’s my Maki.

Hope must go on!

Maki, darling...

;_; I’m gonna cry...

Hope vs despair!

one vote for Keebo!

tfw you’re in despair

ALL OF THESE TEARS

Assassiiiiiiiin

I am living for these comments and I would have killed to see the comments for the Chapter 5 trial - hell, the Chapter 4 trial. that’s what let’s plays and YT comments are for I suppose -

tbh I think if that one that keeps lusting after Shuichi comes to help we’re going to need a restraining order

o-oh?!

AAAAAAH

NO DON’T

MAKE ME FIGHT HIM

MY ACTUAL SOUL BRO

is............... Is that -

Clair de Lune playing......?!

#Ryou plays drv3 #Kiibo #Shuichi Saihara #Keebo #Tsumugi Shirogane #Himiko Yumeno #Maki Harukawa #spoilers #drv3 spoilers #K1-b0

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itsjayyyy · 5 years

Text

November 24, 2018 6:57 pm

Well, I think this is the first time that I’ve written some big plan in a journal and actually followed through with it. So yeah, I did do a lot of apartment hunting. I first tried my college’s (and the local art college’s shared) sublease facebook page for students. And it was hell, I mean someone would post about a room for rent for $700 and within 15 minutes, 4 people would have already said “I pm’d you!” Like damn. There’s no way I’d be able to find a place in my budget that isn’t gone already. I was about to lose hope and just look at my college’s affiliated apartments and hope for next academic year, but then I found a page, on my college’s website, that allows you to post a sublease for others. And this website was hidden so well, I’ve never seen it in my entire year of apartment hunting. A lot of them were in my budget (less than 600), and one stood out in particular, it said “my girlfriend and i are looking for a roommate for our 2/2 apt, etc etc” but then at the end it said “must be lgbt friendly because we are very much lesbians” and i was like sign me the fuck up. I messaged them on a wednesday, thursday rolled around and no reply (i was like, they have an android, maybe they just don’t check their phones as much as iphones do), but then it was friday and I gave up. I went back to the listings, messaged another couple in a 2/2, but on saturday still hadn’t gotten a response. Sunday I became a little more frantic. I messaged a third listing, waited ten (10) minutes before deciding that they also were unavailable, and messaged 3 more all at once. and then i laid on my bed and lamented about how I would never be able to move out. And then I got a reply from one of them!!! she said it was still available, roommates are two other sophomore girls at ucf, it’s unfurnished, etc. I was pretty down to take it but then, about 30 mins later, another person replied. And suddenly I remembered why, when I used Tinder, I only messaged one person at a time. The second person to answer me was in the same complex, but $100/mo cheaper. It’s like, I already got pretty far in talking to the other girl, I felt like even if it were cheaper I couldn’t go back on it. So I hit up rose and asked if she wanted to smoke. Her me and peter looked at the places online, and they both said go with the cheaper one, but another issue was how they texted. The first girl was pretty warm, using exclamation points and emojis, but the other girl was just “yes, it’s still available. when are you looking to move?” like such a cold vibe. (yes I know it’s stupid because 100 is 100 and I wouldn’t even be moving in with her, I’d be taking her room but still.) Even though both of them said go with the cheaper place, I felt that I should go with the other.

But then the next day in bio, I was asking for more details and I felt like she did seem kind of cold, like saying “ask the leasing office” and not really offering a time for me to see the place. So I texted the other girl saying I wanted to move in around early december and she became super enthusiastic. Like she sent me a good 20 pictures of the place, and even said I could come over that day to look at the place (this was last monday). I did, around 5:30 (well I came at 5:15, then left to go to the boba shop next door, then came back). She was waiting for me in the parking lot bc I got super lost (I forgot that the numbers outside of the building is the ADDRESS. I didn’t look at the listing’s address I just read the name of the complex and went there. oops.) She seemed to be south asian, like from there but have been living in america for at least a few years, she said she’s moving out because she just got married, etc. The apartment had a style that I would probably describe as oatmeal- light brown carpets, cream walls, very bland, very 2000′s low-income apartment. But hey! I love it! It’s got its own bathroom, walk-in closet, and a huge window facing the back of the property so when I want to smoke I’m gucci. (off topic: I haven’t listened to cherry bomb by nct since feb 5th. wow. That was prob around the time when ami showed it to me in chem in spring.) I told her that I would apply for the sublease the next day, and I did. Despite not having any classes or any reason to go to the east side.

They said that they check 3 things: a credit score of at least 650 (i have a 695), 3x the rent in income (rent is 535, I have 700 from work and 1000 in scholarships per month), and rental history (yeet). They said if you don’t have one of the requirements you can make up for it with either a guarantor, “like a parent cosigning” (YEET) or a larger security deposit. The girl subleasing the place said she was fine with giving up her security deposit, like she didn’t even want me to pay her for it, so I’m going to see if I can add another 300 onto it so they might let me sign. They told me they’d let me know likely on Monday or Tuesday. Also on Tuesday I’ll be going to a meeting for the pride association with a friendsgiving theme, since obvs not every gay kid can go home to a loving family. Maybe I’ll find someone there. Recently I’ve just been becoming so damn bitter about being single, ugh. Like, not bitter enough to identify as an incel, but like, bitter enough to spend all of my time self-loathing.

So I haven’t been able to tell if things have gotten better or worse between me and rose, or if it’s just my period coming up that is making me act like this. In one of the low points of self-loathing (I’m still single, I have no friends, rose is the golden child in the family while I’m hated, rose’s stupid boyfriend comes over for dinner 6 days a week when I could NEVER be afforded that luxury, I’m ugly, etc), I was isolating myself in my room, scrolling down the homepage of reddit, when I saw a post on r/lgbt that was cross-posted from r/gaming or something similar. It said “in the new pokemon games, professor oak doesn’t ask if you’re a girl or a boy, he just says “what do you look like” with different options. Before I could be like “yea fuck the gender binary” i had to be like “there are new pokemon games????” And I looked it up and there were. But it was on the switch, not the 3ds. I messaged rose about it, but she was off on her 6-month anniversary with peter so she wasn’t super interested (she did say “oh don’t buy it” bc it was 350). Let me tell you, when you feel like nobody loves you, the one sure source of love is a credit card with a $2,500 line. I got out of bed, got dressed, and went to target and bought a switch, with the new game. And I played it all night. It was better than any other pokemon game, because it was a revamp of the original game, and I grew up playing pokemon leafgreen, the first revamp of the original. I was reliving my childhood. Of course, when I posted it on my story, rose messaged me, saying “did you seriously buy it?” Like yes, I seriously bought it, because my parents never bought me anything other than the legal bare minimum as a kid, because unlike rose, I have disposable income and aren’t burdened with creditors, because I want something fun to occupy the time so I don’t spend every waking minute wanting to kill myself. Is that so bad, that I spent $350 on something that gave me more happiness than anyone else ever would?

Another thing that pissed me off: after I said yea I bought it, her first reaction was “are there two player games?” when I said it’s mine, I bought it, she said “what if I bought one too?” Why can’t I ever have something to myself? She has her own life, her own personality, her own friends, but whenever I have something, she HAS to have it too, or at least put her hands all over it. I buy a video game? She has to play it too. I listen to a new band? She has to listen to them too. I say I’m queer? She cheats on her (now ex) boyfriend with a girl to experiment and say she’s 1% bi (and then promptly never touches a girl again. and doesn’t come to pride. and doesn’t participate at all in anything related to the lgbt community.) It never ends, she yanks every interest out of my hand, parades it around, before tossing it back to me, all crumpled up and gross.

Two days after I bought it, I had begun to stabilize. Was my mood improving because of pokemon, or because I’m getting closer to my period and my hormones are balancing out? The world may never know.

My mom finally enrolled in healthcare. One day, I told rose that I wanted to go hang with peter, and she said “after dinner.” I was like, I literally want to avoid dinner because of our parents, that’s the point of us hanging out, they don’t love me. And she, being the centrist she is, gave her whole “yes they do love you, at least mom” spiel, at which point I brought up that neither of us have healthcare. From when I was 12 all the way to adulthood, everyone in my family knew that I needed braces, not just for cosmetic reasons but medical too. And every time I asked my parents, they’d say they would be getting around to it soon. Which is the exact same rhetoric I heard about my healthcare, now as an adult. But I knew that mom had already enrolled dad in his healthcare, so why are rose and I still left in the dark? After saying this, rose spent the next week twisting mom’s arm, and since everyone loves rose, she got around to it. It’s gonna be 134 per month, but I’m paying for it via scholarship in january. I still haven’t told my parents I plan on moving out, I probably won’t until I get approved for sure. Just gotta wait for Monday/Tuesday/whenever.

So, I’m being stalked. (okay i feel like this update is jumping all over the place, but I’m just trying to go from one complete topic to another, not chonologically bc then I’d miss something.) One day I was walking from the library to visual arts, when I saw out of my periphery walking towards me was what looked like savon. We didn’t make eye contact, and right then peter replied to our game of cup pong so I looked down at my phone as I responded with my move. As I walked past him, I heard him mumbling something to himself (something he often did if he wanted to get my attention without making it look like he was trying to get my attention). I felt like I wanted to die, just being within a 10 foot radius of him.

And it got worse. The next time I had to go to that class (maybe monday? idk), I didn’t see him on the sidewalk, but as I walked into the building through one door I saw him going out the other door, as in the one next to me. He was wearing sunglasses (indoors?) and carrying one of those first-year engineering student boxes, and looking in my direction. I was looking at the door, of course. It doesn’t take a detective to figure out his m.o.- stand around the entrance of the building (that he saw me go in at 2:25 pm on a mwf day), where the windows are tinted, so he would be able to see me going in but I wouldn’t be able to see him inside. After class I hid in the bathroom for 45 minutes, because I was so afraid that he was waiting outside of the building or something. UGH. why do I have to live in fear on my own damn campus. Luckily, I only have one more class meeting in that room for this semester, and I’m probably gonna come a whole lot earlier, and from the other entrance. What scares me is that I posted my schedule on snap, and spriley saw it. I mean, it was at an angle and kind of blurry (caption was more important, just me bitching about how I’m gonna be on campus from 7am to 7pm). And I don’t think that spriley would take the time to watch my 6-second story a million times to copy down the classrooms and times. He just outright doesn’t like me, nothing like savon’s weird obsession with me, a girl he knew in high school but otherwise hasn’t spoken to in almost 2 years. I’m calling it now, if anyone shoots up ucf, it’s gonna be savon.

So let’s lighten the subject a little: we’re almost to the end of the semster!!!! It’s this week, then finals week, then that’s it. And as a matter of fact, this week is the online exam for sociology, and the roundtable discussion for composition (and the video I’m gonna knock out real quick, so I’ll be done soon.) My last three exams are all going to be done on Wednesday and Thursday of finals week. So Monday and Tuesday I don’t have any classes, so those are the days that I’m looking at moving out on. It’s lit.

Last week I posted on my snap how someone parked a limebike in a motorcycle parking spot, and heather messaged me saying “girl where have you been.” I mean, she made no attempt to contact me for the last month, but whatever we’re living our own lives. I told her I was focusing on school and stuff, and she said we should meet up. I was like yea sure, but the next day she didn’t show lol. She later said she was taking an exam and it was way longer than she expected, but we never made plans to meet up again. I guess that’s just the way most high school friendships go.

Okay I think I’m gonna end the update here, I’ve covered almost everything important. Tomorrow, Sunday, I work at cinnabon closing 2-9. I’m gonna grind to finish this econ homework tonight, then monday I’m gonna start rehearsing my presentation for comp or whatever. Start studying for finals, maybe take my final in sociology, ya know, just play it by ear.

(wow it’s 8:46 now. this update almost took 2 hours.)

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rebeccahpedersen · 6 years

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Does Drastically Under-Pricing Still Work?

TorontoRealtyBlog

Does anybody still read the newspaper?

And no, I don’t mean online. I mean does anybody get up in the morning, head to the front door, bend down while holding a cup of coffee, and pick up that beautiful roll of newsprint, curled inside a blue plastic bag?

I’ll admit, I stopped subscribing a while ago. There are always those moments when you think you don’t need a subscription, and yet you still don’t cancel, for some reason.

When I got back from my Honeymoon in 2013, our front door had fourteen newspapers laying on the footstep. Oops, I guess I forgot to pause the subscription?

But the real kicker came when I switched gyms.

For years, I read the newspaper on the stairmaster – the one with the upright handles and the curled plastic edge that made it easy to fold the paper into quarters, place it over the screen, and read even while hitting the top of the “hill” in the workout.

You know every gym has its cast of characters? The guy that screams with every rep on the bench press, the woman that makes a “shoosh” noise with every step on the treadmill, or the guy that never touches a piece of equipment and is always talking? Well, I was “the guy that throws newspapers.”

A 40-minute workout on “fat-burner plus,” and a full copy of the Globe & Mail meant that I was feverishly shuffling papers, and when finished, my attempt to gently place the paper on the ground often resulted in a sweat-covered newspaper being flung three machines to the left.

But I read every word, every section, every day (except for Wheels; I have no interest in cars), five days per week.

When I left Goodlife, and started CrossFit, my newspaper subscription was no longer needed.

And yet I still long for that first whiff of a fresh newspaper on a Saturday morning.

A friend of mine still reads the paper, every day (and does the crossword like he’s twice his age…), and will often say, “Hey did you read the article in the paper today about…,” and go on as though I also wake at 6:15am every day to check yesterday’s news.

My response is usually, “No, but I did read that article last night, on my phone, before bed.”

This past weekend, the article that was the subject of our back-and-forth was about under-pricing in the Toronto market. Although it wasn’t really about under-pricing, but rather a simple “snapshot” of the market that introduced the topic of under-pricing, but didn’t really offer any analysis, or take-aways.

The article?

“Cricket Club House Gets 13 Bids; Sells $605,000 Over Asking”

First and foremost, we really see how a person that only reads headlines will never truly understand what’s going on out in the world. This headline offers only absolute numbers, but no relative ones.

But the article goes on to describe how a house that was essentially worth $2,000,000 was priced at $1.4M, and ended up selling for, you guessed it – around $2,000,000.

The agent said, ““I knew we’d probably get $1.9-million to $1.95-million based on a couple of recent comparable sales nearby, but I priced it really low to bring people to its door.

Then added, “I see some homes in the area take multiple offers, but at most you’ll see a handful, so to get 13 is a big deal.”

Perfect. This leads exactly into what I want to talk about today.

So first and foremost, is this agent suggesting that had the property been priced at fair market value, that it would have sold for $1.9M to $1.95M, and that the “under-pricing” by $600,000 strategy was responsible for the $50,000 – $100,000 premium?

Secondly, is producing 13 offers, on a house that’s under-listed by 40%, an accomplishment?

I’m not knocking the agents here. These are top dogs, not just in that location, but in the GTA.

What I’m asking is: can you measure the success or failure of a massive under-pricing strategy by the number of resulting offers?

Or to take that a step further, can you actually apply a failure to the strategy if you obtain a certain number of ridiculously unacceptable offers?

I’ve written blogs before about the “strategy” involved with over-pricing, then under-pricing, and how I think it’s so incredibly see-through. Of course, I’m putting the word strategy in parenthesis, because it’s usually anything but a strategy. More often than not, the practice stems from inexperience, and even desperation.

Picture this: a house is listed for $1,200,000, with “Offers Any Time,” and it sits on the market for 30 days.

The listing is terminated, and the property comes back out onto the market for $999,000, with “Offers Graciously Reviewed On Thursday, October 25th At 7:00pm.”

Can this strategy really work?

Are buyers that naive?

Show me the buyer that sees the listing and says, “Wow, $999,000? That’s a great price!”

This buyer doesn’t actually exist, right?

This strategy would never work, would it?

Well, if it didn’t, then this blog post would be going nowhere.

Late in the spring market, a colleague of mine had a listing that was rotting on the market at $1,299,000. Four weeks, no bids, and the seller was getting anxious.

So what’s the move? For all you armchair real estate agents, do you reduce to $1,279,000? Does that reduction move the needle at all? Probably not. Wait, that’s being generous; definitely not. Any buyer who was interested in the home anywhere near that $1,279,000 price would have come in with an offer when the property was listed at $1,299,000.

Would a reduction to $1,249,000 move the needle?

I suppose it depends on value, doesn’t it?

But in the end, my colleague decided to terminate the listing and bring the property back out at $989,900.

It was absolutely, positively, ludicrous.

What kind of buyer in 2018 would be fooled by this? What kind of agent would bring his or her buyer through the house and allow the buyer to believe that the property was attainable at $989,900, or $1,100,000, or even $1,200,000?

What kind of buyer? What kind of agent?

All kinds.

This strategy actually worked, and this time, I’m not putting the word strategy in parenthesis, because although it was a Plan-B, and it was borne of desperation, it worked.

It worked, really well.

Because the property didn’t just sell for “around” the original list price, ie. the $1,250,000 that the seller might have accepted, when the property was on the market for a month at $1,299,000.

No, the property sold for $1,310,000.

(gasp)

I know.

And in between being shocked at the stupidity of a buyer who paid more than the previous list price, and far more than what the buyer could have purchased the property for just ten days earlier, you’re also hating the game.

To be fair, you’re probably also hating the player.

But be honest with me for just one moment. If you’re going to apply “fault” to this situation – that a buyer paid $1,310,000 for a house, listed at $989,900, that was listed for $1,299,000 ten days earlier, which probably could have sold for, say, $1,270,000 with ease, to whom, or what would you apply that fault?

It’s easy to blame the system, or lack thereof.

It’s easy to blame the listing agent for the tactic, er, strategy.

But isn’t it the naive buyer’s fault in the end?

Of course, that situation I just described is rare.

I just came out of a similar circumstance the other night with a very different result.

An east-end property was listed for $1,698,888, again, with no takers. This property as well was listed for just shy of four weeks.

Low and behold, it was re-listed….wait for it……for $998,888.

Yes. A $700,000 price reduction, now with an “offer date.”

It was the talk of the industry, for both good reasons and bad.

Cynics were staying “it’s stupid,” without straining for a deeper argument, and yet some were saying, “The agent has balls for trying this!”

Now what do you, the general public, make of this?

Would it work?

Would buyers really line up to bid on a $998,888 list-price, when the house was just listed for close to $1.7M?

No. Not a chance.

Couldn’t happen, wouldn’t happen, should never happen.

Except that it did.

This property received thirty offers.

Thirty.

And while I’m not privy to the contents of the two-foot-high stack of offers, I would hazard a guess that there were a whole slew of $1.1’s, $1.2’s, and $1.3’s.

In the end, my buyer clients purchased the property.

That’s right, my clients “out-bid” twenty-nine other people.

Except, did they really?

They bought this house for a paltry $1,562,000.

Almost $140,000 below the original list price.

A cynic might point out that they paid almost 160% of the list price. But does a list price really matter in this case? The property was effectively put up for auction at $1, and we won the auction, which, I might add, was well, well below our pre-determined reserve price.

And when I say that my clients “out-bid” twenty-nine other people, and add the cynical and rhetorical question, “Did they really,” what I mean is that we were really only bidding against two other buyers.

Twenty-seven of the thirty offers were never in the game.

And how many of those thirty offers were absolute garbage?

So do you blame the listing agent and the seller for wasting the time of those buyers who submitted “garbage” offers? Or can we buck the societal trend in 2018 and actually hold people accountable for their actions?

Sorry. I always bring politics into it…

As far as the “drastically under-list” strategy goes, specifically after the property has already been listed once before, you can see that these situations can go either way.

Sure, I chose to write this blog after I personally represented a buyer when the situation went my way. But the story is as fresh as your grandmother’s apple pie, so the timing seemed right.

As for the buyers out there, you now (finally!) have access to sold data, but you don’t have access to previous listings. Make sure you know everything and everything about the property, including the listing history.

I know this is like telling somebody to wear their seat-belt in a car, but as is the case both in real life, and in real estate analogies, not everybody does the smart thing…

The post Does Drastically Under-Pricing Still Work? appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

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selenaslittletalks · 6 years

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2017

It’s that time again, and I already know this one will be particularly difficult to write.

I’ll begin with last year’s resolutions:

1. Exercise more and eat healthier. This is probably as cliché as it gets. And it’s probably one that is broken the most. I’m getting older, and my body is deteriorating. 2. Appreciate the little things more. I take so much for granted, and I think I need to be more appreciative of everything that happens.3. Make friends.You have like none. You should be more social and find a group of people that click with you for once. Find friends that you share interests with. Find friends who you’re genuinely happy to be around. Find friends who you can be yourself around.4. Appreciate myself more and be happier. This one is going to be hard. I know it. I’ve been trying to do this for years. Keep working at it. Things won’t always go your way, that’s okay. Understand your own limitations. Understand your greatness. Appreciate all the good you do and stop paying so much attention to the bad. Do more of what makes you happy. Try to do these.

Well gee, I don’t think I did any of these. They are all however things I’d still would very much like to work on next year, so I’ll probably carry them over onto 2018, possibly with some modifications because they are pretty broad. This year, I’m not really sure how I want to format this. I’m thinking start with the good and gradually go to the bad, then entertainment mentions, and then resolutions. Yeah, that sounds alright. The biggest thing that happened this year was I graduated college. I got my undergraduate degree in Computer Science. And honestly, I didn’t enjoy that period or milestone as much as I should have. I’ll get to why in a bit. I bought myself a Nintendo Switch this year. I’ll admit it was pretty impulsive, but I don’t regret it one bit. I haven’t owned a console since a Nintendo DS Lite, so it’s definitely been a while. It’s an amazing piece of technology. It’s portability, and ability to be docked is insane. And I’ve played probably one of my favorite games ever, Super Mario Odyssey. I love it so much. I don’t think I’ve ever had as much fun as I did playing this game. I’m looking forward to new features and titles to be released next year.

I got my first official full time job as an associate software developer. It’s been a difficult and long journey, but I did it. Let’s get into it shall we. This year has been probably the most difficult yet. I’ve had countless nights of sobbing on the floor. Curled up, headphones in, and just bawling my eyes out. I had so many of these episodes. I even documented some of them as they were happening, and I was at my lowest point ever. I didn’t know my purpose in life. I didn’t know what I was doing. I felt lost. I felt worthless. I hated myself. I didn’t want to live. It was a vicious cycle. And what’s crazy was it was all self-inflicted. I put an insane amount of pressure on myself to find a job. Seeing all of my peers become successful and start their careers and lives, while I was left behind in the dust destroyed me. To cope with this, and to try to maintain what little remained of my sanity, I closed myself off from everyone and everything. I detached myself from society. In hindsight, I think that was the best thing I could do, granted I didn’t have a single person I could entrust with anything. Or a person that would understand what I was going through. And going through all of that alone forced myself to maintain focus on me and disregard any and all things others were doing. It was a terrible time, but I overcame, and learned a lot about myself, life, and the world. Right now, I don’t think I am happy. I am more so, just relieved that I am no longer caught in the vicious cycle of the job-seeking and interview process. I am just content that I have a source of income, that I am learning, and that I am moving forward, no matter how small a step it’s still toward the right direction. Did I think that once I got a job that every awful feeling would evaporate from my blood and bones? Yes, I did. And I was naive in believing that. The problem is deeper, and I’m still working at it. What I learned from all of this was that a lot of those sayings and advice that people give you are true. It’s just very difficult to live by them. Don’t compare yourself to others. Have faith and belief in yourself. You can do anything if you work hard for it. Nothing is ever guaranteed. Expectations are hardly ever the same as reality. These, and a whole slew of others applied to me. It’s insane to me, to reread some of these posts during or after some of my breakdown episodes. It’s a strange phenomenon, of being able to reflect on how awful you felt once before. And it’s amazing to see yourself in a better place, overcoming all of the treachery. I think I need to give myself a lot more credit than I do. I know I need to appreciate myself, and love myself more. Because, I am stronger than I know. Coming out of all of this proves just that. Even in those moments where I felt powerless and worthless, I somehow mustered enough to continue and fight on. I think in large part, entertainment had a lot to do with that. TV has always been one of my greatest passions in life. I pride myself on how many TV series I’ve seen and episodes I’ve watched. This year I watched a lot of good shows, old and new. The Gifted - I think this show only got on my radar from SDCC posts. I saw one of my favorite fellow Asians, Jamie Chung was in it as Blink, and it was in the X-men Universe so I was already sold. The show was a lot better than I anticipated. And I also ended up loving Polaris the most, oops. And this show gave me Emma, who is now one of my favorite humans. Marvel’s Runaways - I originally wasn’t planning on watching this at all. But something compelled me to one evening, and I watched the first 3 episodes. I’m glad I did. It gave me my goth witch queen Nico. And this show just keeps getting better and better every week. The Punisher - I loved Frank Castle in Daredevil S2, so it was a no brainer to watch this. It had all the blood and gore I was anticipating, and it even got me to feel Kastle things, WHICH I WAS NOT READY FOR. All the flashback with Maria and the kids, hurt me to no end. Frank can just be murdering people and I’ll be all THAT’S MY BB PROTECT HIM. Which he clearly doesn’t need any help with btw. The Bold Type - This was probably one of the most important shows for me and I almost gave up on it. I watched the pilot and wasn’t crazy about it and quit for about 2-3 weeks. Then one night, I got bored and watch the new episodes on Hulu, and I got sucked in. This show came to me in the way the universe and fate work. It’s about three 20-somethings navigating their careers, love lives, relationships, and life in general. I think it’s a show that we’re lacking and I’m glad that it exists in the world. It’s relatable on numerous levels, going through similar struggles in finding a career and friends. And I’ll always love and support shows that feature strong female characters and relationships. And I am beyond grateful that Freeform renewed it for 2 more seasons. American Horror Story - I tried this long ago, but came back to it because of Stevie. I learned she was in Coven and I watched it because of her. I loved it. And I got a new fave out of it as well. Jessica Lange. She’s incredible. Big Little Lies - This was getting a ton of buzz from award shows, and it was star-packed so I was all in. I loved every bit of it, except that it was too white. But the heavy topics of domestic abuse, infidelity, sexual assault, and the societal pressures to hide all our insecurities and flaws were depicted perfectly. And the overall theme and ending of women helping women to stand up against men is something we all need to live by. Movies I watched this year that amazed me. In the Mood for Love - This film has been haunting me ever since Summer of 2014, where I took a film studies class and the professor showed the corridor clip from this movie to demonstrate a tracking shot and I never wrote down the name of it. And since then I’ve been desperately trying to find it. But one night, I was on youtube and randomly stumbled upon a top 10 mojo saddest movies (or something along those lines), and I saw this movie in Chinese. I’m like huh, this looks interesting I want to watch it. And then the next clip showed the corridor scene. I almost screamed. And I immediately watched it afterwards. I found the entire film on youtube. I wanted to like this movie a lot. And it lived up to what I was hoping for. And this movie really opened the door for me to watch more Hong Kong cinema. It basically set the ball in motion for me to go on a Wong Kar-Wai binge. I’ve watched almost all of his movies. But most importantly, I think it showed me that Asians are more than capable of acting, directing, and the whole shabang. And it set a fire in me to always support Asians in Hollywood, because we are far underrepresented. And there’s really no reason why, because all of Hong Kong cinema show that we have the art form down to a T, I think we just haven’t had the opportunity to shine. Thelma and Louise - I saw this on Hulu, and I remember this being one of Emilia’s favorite films, and I’ve always heard that it was a cult classic. I watched it one night, and I was blown away. It’s been a long time since a movie wowed me. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. I wanted a best friend and a relationship exactly like Thelma and Louise. Where’s my Louise!?! Wonder Woman - This movie was amazing. It was the first time I watched a female superhero on screen. I love Gal and everything she put into this movie. I love everything Wonder Woman stands for, and I love the empowerment that it’s given women all across the world. I love how I felt walking out of that theater feeling like I could do anything. Albums that came out this year. I See You - The XX: This is probably my favorite album of the year. I also saw The XX live, and they were incredible as expected. I was only 1 person away from the stage. Goals and resolutions for next year. 1. Make more friends and be more sociable. I want to go to meetups and take classes to meet like minded individuals. I think I’ve never found friends that have the same interests as me and we never really had anything in common. I think this is an important, if not vital, factor in any friendship. Without it, there’s nothing to bond you together.

2. Love yourself fully. If this year has taught me anything, it’s taught me how important it is to love and to believe in yourself. At the end of the day, you’re all you have. And if no one is there for you, you should at least be there for yourself. It makes no sense to hate who you are. Embrace yourself. All your flaws, your strengths, your mind, your heart, and your soul. Be true to yourself, and fight for yourself. And never, ever waver from who you want to be and who you are.

2017, you’ve been the worst to me. But through you, I’ve learned so much about myself and about life. You taught me valuable lessons. You broke me. But I’m still standing, and 2018 will be the year I rebuild myself. 2018 will be the year I take what is mine. 2018 will be the year I flourish.

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survivorsentinelislands · 7 years

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EPISODE 4: MY FAMILY MOVED AND MY NEW HOUSE IS ON A STREET CALLED SHADY LANE ~John

ok so........ tonight was awesome. we totally smoked nehe and his alliance. they honestly had no idea that logan had the idol. the only problem is that logan kept telling people that they knew they were being voted for. which i initially thought would throw a wrench in our plan to get out nehe, but it turned out fine. mostly i was worried that if they knew that logan knew, they would switch their vote to me. next time theyre most likely going for me, unless something changes. so we gotta get sara on our side, even though she voted for logan. we think we can trust her though, since we assume the vote that said "you really seem like a cool person but I've heard my name so this is what I have to do" was her, because we brought up her name to throw the others off.

anyways, im excited for everyone else to come online and see the mess they made by trynna vote off logan. and im excited to see how the next tribal council goes down now that they know its not gonna be that easy to knock us off.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL THAT WAS SO GOOD! Im so happy the vote went our way but now we need to regroup and get another person on our side. i'm hoping sara like sees that alex and john coffey can't be trusted since they flipped on us so quickly what would stop them from flipping on sara? Like KK i think im in a good but bad spot like i feel as if i could easily be out next where if we get sara or another advantage we should be good. i'm glad im with the group i'm in though like i have a trustworthy group tbh

So Carson wants to do the Hero Challenge.

I hope he wins

Luckily it's reward so nothing will matter if he loses or wins

drew is a poop head

Ohhh boy I'm pissed. I'm in a similar situation I was in Malaysia in Tumblr. My friend got out and I decided to be a bitch about it. Nah, I'm not going to be petty. I'm just going to get revenge.

Jk I love drew. Anyway im so glad that FUCKING play worked and I hope Nehemiah regrets everything he's ever done. I'm not going down that easy, bitch.

I don't think I sent in a confessional last episode, whoops. Well, if I did this might be a bit of a repeat of the last one so sorry not sorry.

We won the last immunity by more than double the other tribe. Thanks go out to DARIAN, SAM and NED. Everyone else is dead to me. Both BRANDON and CARSON said they would get stuff for the scavenger hunt and barely even spoke during the entire challenge. And we had two days for it. ELIJAH hasn't been around at all. We talked about breadsticks a few days ago but nothing since.

Right now, the 4 for $4 alliance are the only people I have any interest in working with. I will jump ship faster than the speed of light if there's a swap and I'm not with them.

At tribal LOGAN played an idol resulting in NEHEMIAH being sent home. Gotta give massive props to LOGAN, both for finding an idol and playing it properly. They are kick ass and I'd gladly align with them if I had the chance.

Now we've got a reward challenge where only one person gets to participate and CARSON volunteered because he's "bored". Maybe if you'd actually interact with your tribe you wouldn't be? I dunno maybe I'm just getting a little stir crazy and hoping for some more drama.

LOLOL WELP THAT PLAN DIDNT GO AS EXPECTED. Alex and I are such idiots, we didn't even pretend we weren't voting for Logan in the case of an idol. I didn't talk to them. I'm sure Alex didn't either. Oops!

Basically Alex and I were removed via Daisy from the bubblegum bitches after being called snakes. OMG THAT REMINDS ME. It's totally off topic but my family moved and my new house is on a street called shady lane. It just depicts how I feel about myself in this game but let's move on.

It sucks that Nehe was voted out and I feel kinda dumb for going out on a limb for him. Alex and I were quick to jump ship on the bubblegum bitches and maybe we should have thought it out but it is what it is. I tried to do as much damage control as one can do to three people I've just flipped on. Josh seemed understanding and so did Logan, understandably a little bit less. Not sure about Daisy, she's difficult to read.

Oof I also just got kicked out of the Bubblegum Bitches. I mean, can you really kick out an alliance where you were going 5-3. Hun you're literally leaving 4-3 next round, you just bought yourself one round.

So my alliance was talking about the forest and things they've tried and both SAM and DARIAN mentioned finding coconuts but with nothing under them. And I'm just sitting there laughing because I've already found the extra vote under the coconuts.

I don't plan on telling anyone about it but it's just so amusing to see them talking about finding nothing in the exact spot I found something. I'm very glad my intuition told me to go the way I did.

I am PRAYING that this challenge will mean a swap and I get to pick my tribes. I want Daisy, Josh, Sam and Ned all to myself. Gimme my friends.

GUEST CONFESSIONAL: zabbey

yall r doing a gr8 job

TRIBE SWAP!

So, CARSON won the immunity challenge and then we had a tribe swap.

The new tribe has me, ELIJAH, DARIAN, and CARSON from old Andaman. From the old Nicobar we now have JOSH, STEVIE and ALEXANDER. So we have a majority if we stick with the original tribal lines.

However, I did that in my last game and I barely made the merge. So do I want to stick with the old Andaman? We'll see. It might be worth it to throw my vote to someone random and force a tie, see what happens then. Or maybe if we end up losing immunity I'll just swap and work with the Nicobar people.

All this depends on if we win or lose the immunity challenge though so all I can do at the moment is plant the seeds in peoples minds.

So we swapped and my tribe kinda sucks but idk I might be able to make it work? We also lost the challenge. I spent 2 hours of my life listing survivor plays from seasons 1-17 with placements into a google doc we didn't need to use :'D

Daisy personally scares the shit out of me now. Pretty sure she doesn't trust me with good reason cus I don't trust her anymore after what's been going down. Logan is in the same boat because they've both been in the forest idk wtf they could pull out.

I'm happy I have Sara, Sam and Ned, I feel like I can work well with them from past experience.

Sam has been giving me a lot of info about how daisy was spilling everything that happened at our last tribal. When we lost this round she was there telling me that Daisy was trying to convince them that I should be the one to go over Brandon, who didn't show up to the challenge. (I do not like to blame people for not being able to make challenges cus gurl I've been there but that challenge was stressful AFFF)

So I ask Daisy if she had any thoughts on the vote and she says "me and a few others have been talking and it's between you and Brandon" "You would be good to keep in for challenges but there are other factors. We'll get back to you"

I-

I've never played with somebody so direct like that but I guess I appreciate the honesty!

Logan came to me this morning letting me know that they weren't a part of wanting me out so I know it's mostly just Daisy right now.

As long as they don't have a power and nor does Brandon, I think I should be safe. I really don't think Sara Ned or Sam would vote for me. I think I could be fine going forward too if we can win. I need a damn MERGEE

Do I even do confessionals? I always just complain in my host chat and then forget to make a real confessional. We swapped so that was extremely predictable but also pretty cool. I'm so glad to get away from that yawn of a tribe! I wish I had Keegan instead of Brandon but whatever I'll take what I can get. I love Logan and they said they snatched me right up so that could be good for me. I'm pretty sure the order that they released is the order that we were picked in which is extremely telling and I'm here for it. Obviously if we're splitting by tribes it's a 4-3 split with Nicobar having the majority. But I don't think that'll be how it happens. Daisy has no filter and literally just spilled ALL of the tea to me. I love it it's informational. Logan played the idol obviously which we all knew but Daisy was telling who voted with them and why some people voted for Logan just to be in majority and everything so like I'm guessing that's good for me? Either she's really friendly and talks to everyone or she likes (probably because Logan told her to) and wants to work with me.

Fuck this challenge tbh. If we lose I better not go because I hand picked this tribe (except John Coffey. Fuck you ya snakey bitch). If we lose, I'd like to see either Brandon or John go, preferably Brandon because WHERE IS HE. There's a reason I picked u last.

We just won immunity by the SMALLEST of margins. Both tribes got 50 points and we got a 2 point reduction of our score so we won by 2 points. JEEZ. that was so close. Im not really worried because we have the majority. That means that Sam Brandon and Ned have to go to tribal and they are most likely on the minority unless they found the wholes in the group. Its tricky. I hope they are all safe

So Daisy really wants to vote out John which I can see but I don't want him to go right yet. I think where he is the only one who voted against me left aside from Sara, we can manipulate him to work w us. But we'll see whatever the majority wants.

WHEW!! I came on very late to see that we swapped. I messed up and talked in the challenge. We won by 2 points. Me fucking up was almost the reason that we lost and i would have died oops

We won immunity! Yay and nay!

I'm safe, DARIAN is safe and we don't have to worry about tribal. On the other hand NED and SAM are in danger. They're in the minority, so I can only hope that LOGAN, who was in the minority on the NEHE vote, works with them. I'd hate to see one of them be voted out.

Unfortunately there's nothing I can do so I just need to wait and see what happens.

Oh, and STEVIE is kind of a dumbass. Comes out of nowhere asking a stupid question in the challenge chat that could have potentially cost us the game. It didnt, thank god, but it was still an incredibly stupid thing to do.

KK HIYA AGAIN. So we won immunity and afterwards i got to talk to alex one on one and i feel like there is deffo a possible alliance there. Like i wouldn't be opposed to working with alex like i legit have nothing against him but it was really nice getting to talk to him and like OK come merge if we are still alive by then i honestly might break away from the logan daisy and sara alliance and like stay with alex cause like...Idk it seems like more of a equal alliance then the other one did and like I KNOW ARE U SHOOK CAUSE WE ALL KNOW I AM #FEMINISTQUEEN but i will work with the mens this time cause i think it will help me out in the long run KK BYE XOXOXO

Sorry Brandon. You're my hebro, but in a time where you needed to be active, you weren't.

We worked so hard on that challenge, but unfortunately, the reward advantage came back and bit us pretty hard! We lost by two points, and at this point, it's pretty clear who's going home- Brandon. Everyone contributed in the challenge, ESPECIALLY Sam, Daisy, John, and me, but Brandon was completely absent the entire time. I really do like this tribe, and I think that Brandon going home should unify us. Sorry, Brandon :(

#fatdipofthatguac