Soft pastels for a soft boy

I love that in the Podcast they specifically said they wanted to frame the hospital fight not as this action packed scene, but as sad. Because Joel has completely disassociated. He’s checked out because trauma can do that to a person, let’s you separate what’s happening. They said this is him burning his soul for this one girl. He’s doing what needs to be done in the same way Marlene did but while her focus was humanity, his focus is just Ellie. It’s tunnel vision. He kills anyone who is a threat and even if they drop their weapon, they could change their mind and still shoot him and then Ellie dies. He doesn’t kill the doctor until he becomes a threat by wielding the scalpel.  And them saying Marlene actually signed her death warrant the moment she said “let me go” because it meant she planned to try and survive her wound. There would be a tomorrow and in that tomorrow, she would try and come after them. So of course she had to die because her living meant Ellie wouldn’t be safe. 

7x04 being from Buck's perspective broke my brain because of the way we saw Eddie through Buck's eyes. Then I realized that Suspicion, where Eddie was shot, was from Eddie's perspective, and all of Surviviors was from Buck's perspective and I want to jump into the ocean.

So i have a small nicpic i wanted to share with you about your interpretation of spike in the au and i want to make two things clear before i talk

1) i havent watch the series for a little while as of now so i might be misnterpreting a aspect of this chatacter that might have never been there and only apeared in fan content and personal interpretation (since that whats been keeping me on the fandom)

2) this is not a big problem about the au i matured enough to not get angry at a interpretation of a fictional charater

Now here i go

I feel spike being the same race as the rest of his familie makes him lose a part of his character that might have not been central but was still something interesting about him and is the idea of not mayhering how diferent he looked from his adoptive family (and his cominty as a whole) he was he was still seen as part of it

Again this isnt a big problem with the au as a whole its just a small nicpic that i have about the au and its not going to make me hate the au

This was just my opinion that i wanted to share and im interested to know your opinion about what i said

I understand this criticism and agree that having Simon/Spike be a different race than Thea could speak to their relationship in the original show.

My reasoning for designing them both to be African American is this. I believe Simon's adoption is enough to explore the feelings of separation and exclusion he may have with Thea and her family. The original show doesn't bring up Twilight and Spike's racial differences much because they originally didn't consider Spike to be a part of Twilight's family. As far as I know, there's no moment where someone says, "Wow! You're telling me you're related to Twilight Sparkle? But you look nothing alike!" because Spike was more so Twilights... familiar than anything.

Later episodes that explore their familial dynamic poses the conflict through Spike's adoption. There's one episode where Spike's "biological father" returns, and Spike accuses Twilight of not being his real family, which breaks her heart. There's another that delves deep into Spike's feelings of exclusion from Twilight and Shining Armor's siblinghood. Basically, in discussions of family dynamics, the show places more emphasis on Spike's identity as an adopted sibling rather than a dragon.

I really do believe a multiracial family would be good representation, but the racial dynamics would not be something I'd be interested in getting into. That's not to say I find real multiracial families problematic or uninteresting or unappealing or unimportant. I just wouldn't be interested in having to explain in-text that Simon (non-black) and Thea (black) are related over and over; it would grow tedious. It adds an extra level of writing complication and opens up racial discourse (discourse that I feel is unrelated to their relationship in the original show) that I don't want to concern myself with, especially because I have no experience in navigating such discourse.

landing

mulled it over for a while and ultimately decided i'm really digging this arajin-matakara fight, because like

the whole series has set up arajin as a piece of shit fuckhead (and i LOVE that for him) but this whole lying to matakara about wanting to be a honki people thing... is like the one thing he did not actually do

i get real rambly under the cut but tl;dr the way matakara treats arajin is the way arajin treats mahoro and that is suuuch a juicy parallel to me

throughout the whole series arajin has been not at all subtly trying to get away from these fights

could he have been more direct about that with matakara? sure maybe! but matakara was really ignoring all the signs that arajin is not who he thinks he is

which is such a delicious parallel to how arajin willfully ignores all the signs that mahoro is not into him

like. matakara built this version of arajin up in his head, with all these unreasonable, unrealistic, and honestly unfair? expectations based off some past foolishness from when they were very small children. he's clinging to this version of arajin that only exists in his head and has basically shown zero evidence of existing in real life

(yes arajin shows crumbs of courage but i think the scales are tipped pretty heavily towards his I DO NOT WANT ANY PART OF THIS moments)

this fight between them was like if arajin were to blow up at mahoro like "you've been leading me on this whole time!" when obviously. lol. no she has not

she did initially! just like tiny arajin as a child had those honki people ambitions! his ambitions may have been genuine, while mahoro feigned interest in him with malicious intent, but they're same in the sense that after that initial story beat, they have consistently demonstrated that actually no what happened back then no longer applies (whether because they grew out of it, in arajin's case, or they were faking interest in the first place, in mahoro's case)

but arajin is blinded by what he wants (mahoro) and ignores the reality of mahoro snubbing him at every turn, and matakara does the same, ignoring the reality of arajin really just... being extremely reluctant to have anything at all to do with him

anyway that's the main thing i'm chewing on and loving here, but ALSO i think the story paints this parallel in such an interesting way because like

matakara is just a big sweet ouppy dog of a boy! it's so so so easy to feel sorry for him, to root for him, to think the best of him. which i still do btw, in fact this episode made me like him more than i already did

because matakara is so uwu angelboy perfect, and arajin is such a dickhead, it's easy to instinctively think oh matakara must be completely right to be hurt and arajin must have hurt him. even if that isn't the case! this doesn't make arajin any less of a dickhead, but he's a dickhead mainly for other reasons

the fact that they've been set up as the perfect epitome of the Pure Boy and the Pervy Boy tropes is just such clever framing for this parallel between them, because i imagine a lot of viewers, if told what mataakara is doing to arajin is what arajin is doing to mahoro, would be like omg wtf no my pure angel baby is nothing like that disgusting freak?

except in this case! he literally is!! which is brilliant!!! i think it adds nuance to both matakara's character and arajin's character at the same time, making it so it's not just one of them is Perfect and one of them is Wrong All The Time

what's even better is that this made sense for matakara, like his reaction breaks him out of the Pure Angel mold but doesn't feel out of character. his emotions are already running high with what happened to his brother, plus akutaro is malewife mansplain manipulating him behind the scenes, so of course he feels like he's driven towards this emotional high that leads to this blowup

the groundwork was already laid out, and it wasn't even subtle. it was right on the surface! but this episode really highlighted how matakara's way of treating arajin is so much like arajin's way of treating mahoro and how inevitable it was that things would reach this point

(there are moments, even in this episode, that are in hindsight so clearly setting up this parallel! like arajin trying to talk to mahoro during lunch, mahoro CLEARLY not interested, making viewers think ugh arajin get a clue. then matakara often IMMEDIATELY coming in to try to talk to arajin, when arajin is the one who clearly isn't interested, making viewers think boo arajin be nicer to him! like i think the show deliberately set the audience up to have those emotional reactions, and this is the moment where the rug is pulled out from under us, so to speak, where it becomes even more obvious that... wait... double standard much?)

anyway. personally my only gripe with this episode is i wished they'd done more with aniki than just pseudo-fridge him, and hope they do still do more with him in the coming eps? but kind of understandable if they don't, because it is just a one-cour show after all

the actual blowup between arajin and matakara was just. mawh, chef's kiss. perfect

🌼🌻 just botanist gals being botanist pals 🌻🌼

ockiss week 2024 - featuring @lavampira's d'alia liveq

okay i don't know if the hyperfixation will hold long enough for me to actually write this but au where everything is the same but the waylon house is just a bit more structurally sound. max doesn't die and is like 'thanks for this guys, is that the whole party or?' and everyone just sort of looks at each other like. well we don't want to anger him so what can we say but yes. and so the nerds and max end up hanging out for a night in the waylon house and the worst thing that happens is grace chastity is tempted to have a beer for the first time (she doesn't though. but with max offering it's very hard for her to refuse. or focus lol) max keeps giving them weird backhanded compliments like 'wow you guys are way cooler than you look, how'd that happen' which is not the best but it's way better than being beat up for daring to be in his line of sight, so they'll take it.

so they all hang out for the night, max is like weirdly chill and friendly, eventually he leaves and they're left standing outside the waylon house like. ?? what the fuck??? did we just befriend max jagerman???? the nerds are still apprehensive considering pete still has a black eye, grace is still boiling with religious zeal and repressed lust, and steph still doesn't really like him, but they can't help but remember how he said that trying to prank him was the nicest thing someone's ever done for him. and that just can't be true, considering he's literally the star quarterback and the main character of hatchetfield high, but.... the fact that he felt like it enough says a lot, doesn't it?

so they decide to leave the prank footage to gather dust and figure this was probably the best outcome they could have hoped for. who knows what they'll walk into at school tomorrow? maybe max will become a friend.

THEY DEVASTATINGLY WALLOPED ME FOR THESE BRIEF FEW SECONDS

Sun Wukong: "There's no time for that, now that the Samadhi fire is forged the Lady Bone Demon will stop at nothing to obtain it! If we show up unprepared we might as well just hand Mei over to her right now! No- I'm going to do what I should have done originally. Stop the Lady Bone Demon. Alone." MK: "What! But you said the Samadhi fire was the only thing that could stop her!"

Sun Wukong: "I KNOW WHAT I SAID! But I've beaten her before I'll- I'll do it again! Mei was right—I need to stop dragging you into my fights, all of you."

(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

-

MK: “And the most messed up thing is, I- I never even realized, never even questioned who I am, or where I come from, or why, or-”

MK: “Until I know what I am, what my destiny is? I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the one’s I have left.” Mei: "MK, wait! We can-"

MK: "I just- I need to clear my head."

(4x08 The Brotherhood)

-

You know, when you use your left arm to grip your right arm and run off because you feel guilty for hurting the people you care about.

,,, sun-dappled sheets...

Juliette, the Girlboss Trope, and Structural Change

From what I’ve observed, stories with “girlboss” protagonists tend to be less likely to critique existing power structures and end up focusing more on slightly tweaking surface level aspects of them to allow the protagonist to prove themselves within the context of the existing system. To me, this is extremely interesting within the context of These Violent Delights because Juliette is arguably initially set up to fulfill this archetype. Because she is a girl, her claim to the status of heir is questioned by those around her more than it would be otherwise. She feels more pressure to be ruthless and to do whatever she can to earn the respect of those around her. Toward the very beginning of These Violent Delights, she threatens to kill Tyler when he attempts to upstage her, saying that she will kill him before she lets him take her heirdom away from her. Without knowing that These Violent Delights is a Romeo and Juliet retelling, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to expect Juliette to become the leader of the Scarlet Gang and somehow fix things from the inside at the end. She is well set up to be the Strong Female Protagonist ™ who takes what is owed to her and is hardened and kickass and ruthless and doesn’t let interfering men get in her way. 

But importantly, regardless of how much Juliette initially knows it, this is a facade. The image of the hardened ruthless heir may be one that Juliette encourages, but it is a heavily distorted reflection of who she truly is. Because at her very core, though she was raised to be the heir of the Scarlet Gang and therefore should be the literal personification of the continuation of the blood feud, that is not who Juliette is. Throughout the duology, her main motivation is protecting those she loves. At first, she believes that she can do this by working within the existing system. She tries to legitimize herself as heir within the existing power structure of the Scarlet Gang. However, the Scarlet Gang Juliette is set to inherit is one built upon a foundation of fractures that legitimizes its existence through the perpetuation of the blood feud to the extent that to solve the blood feud, or even seek to calm it, would be a violation of its very nature. The Scarlet Gang could never accept a leader that sought to do this, nor could the White Flowers, who equally rely on the blood feud as a source of power, accept the figurehead of their rival gang as an ally. To do so would be a fundamental betrayal of the nature of these two groups. Thus, Juliette must choose between legitimizing her position as heir, bringing more suffering upon the people and city she loves in the process, and giving up her position as heir and forfeiting her power. 

But if Juliette forfeits her power, who does she forfeit her power to? After all, if she merely walks away, the blood feud will still exist. The refusal of one person to fall in line cannot topple an entire system. The answer comes back to Tyler who, unlike Juliette, truly is meant to represent the continuation of the blood feud. He feels the need for vengeance and hatred at his core, and is constantly suspicious of Juliette, recognizing her lack of loyalty though it is incomprehensible to him. Ultimately, there was never room enough for both of them. When Juliette threatened his life in These Violent Delights, she did so out of fear of him usurping her place. Little did she know, he already had. In representing the longevity of the blood feud, Tyler, not Juliette represents the longevity of the Scarlet Gang. While she was the heir in name, he embodied the very lifeforce of the gang. In a way, he almost represents the Juliette that could have been. And that is precisely why Juliette had to kill him.

Though Tyler’s death is foreshadowed by Juliette’s initial threat in the first book, when she shoots him in Our Violent Ends, it is not the callous, unfeeling kill of an heir pushing aside the final obstacle before claiming their rightful place at the top. Instead, it is Juliette’s final severance from the vicious cycle of the blood feud and the illusion of her status as heir. She recognizes that the power she would wield as the future leader, or even the true heir, of the Scarlet Gang stakes its legitimacy in the continuation of the blood feud, and therefore, she would lose legitimacy as a leader if she were to act against the blood feud. This is further demonstrated when Lord Cai tells her that she can choose between dying a White Flower and being heir following his discovery of her relationship with Roma, representing her direct defiance of the blood feud, and her murder of Tyler, representing her sabotage of the longevity of the blood feud and her rejection of her status as heir.

By this point, Juliette has established that she cannot live as a part of the blood feud. She put a bullet through its heart, firing on her own kin to do so. Because the blood feud has no future, she can no longer pretend to occupy the role of heir. But at the same time, in killing Tyler, she has rejected her place within the blood feud. She cannot die a Scarlet, and she cannot die a White Flower because she refuses to be either. In the end, it is not her and Roma’s apparent deaths that aid the end of the blood feud. Instead, it is their rejection of its perpetuation through their rejection of their statuses as heirs. Their continued survival after their apparent death and the birth of their daughter stands in direct defiance to the division brought on by the blood feud. Though, as is further explored in Foul Lady Fortune, this division is still very present, Roma and Juliette’s continued survival both acknowledges that the kind of change required cannot be brought about by the efforts of one titular protagonist, no matter how world ending their sacrifice, and gives hope for a better future. Unlike the girlboss protagonist, Juliette rejects the status quo and achieves her goals by rejecting power. Instead of seeking to be the figurehead of change, which would also be extremely ahistorical, she does her part and steps back, acknowledging that as a singular person, she does not and should not have the power to fix everything. In the end, she watches from the outskirts of Shanghai, and though she is doomed to forfeit her place within her home to protect the people she loves, she is safe enough to live with her husband and raise her daughter and use her remaining connections to do what she can. Because in the end, one person cannot fix everything, no matter how powerful they are. And the spark of hope represented by Juliette and Roma’s continued survival and the birth of their daughter as well as the protection offered by their weapons ring is enough. 

am i the only one who sensed some jilted lover vibes from jensen? 

thinking about that post that was "all hannibal thought (on the way down from the cliff) was that he was holding the man he loved. With that in mind:

Hannibal would give up anything if will start holding his hand

It sucks to be isolated from the whole society from childhood almost all my life because of my parents and mental disorders, because I never learned how to integrate into modern society. And at any of my enthusiastic reactions or memories of an enthusiastic reaction from childhood, everyone starts laughing, because these things are something that has always been commonplace for them.