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#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day
britneyshakespeare
·
1 year
Text
why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter
#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.
#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day
#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive
#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in
#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it
#not my finest moment
#tales from diana
#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'
#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing
#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'
#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to
#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me
#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.
#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there
#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there
#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.
#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.
#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back
#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.
#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.
#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.
#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.
#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders
#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
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