#i could either choose to sack exams off completely and do things i enjoy
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my brain: im stressed for exams
me: let's study then so we feel more prepared
my brain: no. we're gonna procrastinate because we're so stressed
me: that makes no sense, but okay. why don't we do something we enjoy to feel better?
my brain: no because then i'll feel guilty that i'm not studying
me: so let's study
my brain: NO
#like what kind of instinct did this evolve from because there is NO logic here?#im just so annoyed at how miserable i am atm bc it's literally entirely my fault#i could either choose to sack exams off completely and do things i enjoy#like go out or write and focus on what *I* want to do#OR i could focus only on exams and at least feel less stressed by how much studying i was doing#and do you know what im doing? NEITHER OF THOSE THINGS#WHY#WHY CANT WE PICK ONE#THIS IS SO STUPID#MY EXAM IS IN SIX DAYS I HAVE AN ENTIRE SEMESTER'S WORTH OF CONTENT TO FIGURE OUT#AND IM NOT EVEN COMMITTING TO THE BIT LIKE IF YOU'RE GONNA FAIL AT LEAST DONT TANK UR MENTAL HEALTH#AND DO SOMETHING FUN OR MAKE YOURSELF GET OUT OF THE HOUSE#like i have not written anything in WEEKS i just keep jumping between documents and staring longingly at them#i WANT to write but im not letting myself but i wont revise either this is so dumb im so mad#genuinely enraged with my own behaviour lmfaooo#hella goes to uni
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