#i cherish mutuals and online friends who have their own thoughts rather than transmitting something 'common'
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(Sad)
I am such a goddamn helpless baby, lol
I just woke up, and within my interesting dreams, there was me using internet and seeing that one mutual again. They were the first person to interact with me in this fandom almost two years ago and they were crucial part of my Tumblr and fandom experience, really. Always thinking deep and giving hella interesting ask replies and writing fanfics, they were like... smart? Worth talking to. I just loved seeing their takes a lot? They liked my lore too and they offered solid ideas of their own, which was refreshing.
But like, they disappeared one day, just deactivated both Tumblr and AO3 apparently? And it felt a little less right on Tumblr without them, but after having a dream that they were back I just wake up and cry? Jeez
Guess you never know who/what happens to be really important for good internet experience???? Like just following a blog that vibes right can end up being such a comfort thing for my sorry autistic ass. It is hard to explain that I cherish people who have something to say, who are worth talking to! But it is always the best one who either deactivate or just never post again one day? Though it is only natural that sane people run from what internet and fandoms became
#personal#/vent#sometimes it just doesn't occur to me how much i am starving for 'people who have something to say'#ive found new cool mutuals since then sure#but wow. my dashboard really IS not the same without that user#internet is treacherous#just recently i kept experiencing dull pain because a youtuber i loved just up and deleted his videos#and they were never archieved anywhere#internet just keeps losing cool people with depth and complexity!!!!! it just keeps happening!!!!#you only realize it if you love to THINK but you just...#keep running into empty people who just parrot same and same 'woke' things without any thought added#who have nothing to say about fictional characters except for what are their divercity points#or wholesome headcanons or just regular stuff (if character is good)#or just bash the characters without any nuances (if they are bad)#like... wow i am surrounded by people who have nothing interesting to say or think#nothing novel nothing personal to add and call just their unique take#art styles copy each other words and thoughts copy each other and it feels like everyone is on auto pilot#i cherish mutuals and online friends who have their own thoughts rather than transmitting something 'common'#like even if you say dumb shit at least as long as it is YOURS and not something the 'cool kids' pushed in your empty skull?#you are worth talking to! you are a person!#sometimes people speak and think and feel so similarly that i cannot tell them apart!#i do not mean like liking a popular thing or being statistically common ofc. i mean unique kind of empty.#and it is dreams like this that make me scared cool users will just keep leaving the internets#like do you ever feel like everyone but few thinks on autopilot? you just know not a single thought is their own#here i go ranting about what nobody will get until they experience it themselves
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