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actuallyschizoid · 7 years

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hi! i have this is sort of dilemma with school and this hellhole of SZPD. i'm currently attending college studying computer science and i'm having really hard time completing anything, because i just can't give an Eff about any of the work. i am interested in computers etc etc, but finding motivation to Do Anything is borderline impossible. got any tips or other help to get my shit together please? thank you!

Oh yeah, that’s the massive problem for most schizoids. I’d say it’s probably THE most important issue with being schizoid. The rest of it one can adapt to, find some workarounds or just get used to be this weird asocial loner and don’t pay much attention to it.

But it’s hard to get along with being incapable of motivating yourself to do things that must be done. Trust me, I relate to it a lot. And spoiler: there’s no cure or treatment or anything that’d actually work to fix it. Sadly.

But there are a few things you can try to make it work a bit better. I guess different schizoids can find different workarounds. Things like coffee or sportish non-addictive stimulators help a few to keep themselves somewhat active, but it won’t really solve the motivation issue.

Just going with the natural flow of your own interest might work since you say you are interested in computers and such. I.e. just for a while stop forcing yourself to do things you think you need to be doing and just try doing something you feel like doing.

Yeah, I know that’s hard to tell what are those things and do they even exist. Because schizoid. But there must be something that boggles your mind once in a while like “oh yeah, that subject I find curious, someday I should get to understand it better”.

Like, for me those probably would be artificial neural networks. Srsly, interesting stuff. The only reason I’m not spending most of the day building neural network robots is because… yeah, because schizoid. >_> But if I was to boost my own motivation even if temporary, I’d try to force myself into at least wiki article on it, then onto some practical examples. Then, if I’m lucky, that’d set me onto an idea train, which might actually end up consuming most of my time for a few days.

The trick is that by the end of that motivation string (when I run out of ideas or get bored of it or just swap onto another subject) there’s this window of opportunity where for a while I might be able to quickly finish all that lingering stuff I’ve been stockpiling for years. Too bad it’s really unreliable and depends on both being able to get onto doing something with interest and then failing in it and getting just stuck and bored. So I can’t say for sure if this would work for anyone else.

Similar in mechanic, but not exactly the same option is to find something you dislike the idea of doing even more than whatever it is that you try to complete. But that must be something you honestly need and honestly dislike to a greater extent. Start doing that... or, well, at least thinking about doing it right now. Then by the time your brain will scream from despair and will try to drag you into doing something else — anything, ANYTHING, JUST NOT THAT. That’s where this something else might be what you actually need to be doing. It’s not real motivation but more exploiting your own bugs, but hey, as long as it works...

Another potential solution — also not too reliable and definitely not the most pleasant for schizoid — is to vampire the motivation out of someone else. Like, literally feed of someone. Well, surprise: that’d require you to step over being asocial and not-too-communicative and have a relative/friend/mate/whoever to get personally involved in the same matter you need to achieve but fail to find motivation for.

If said friend has no issues being motivated, and can poke you cheerfully and consistently how awesome it would be if you did that instead of staring at the tumblr dash all the time, then it might trick your brain into believing it is your own desires and motivation.

The key is, again, you must give at least a single flying fuck about that person’s wellbeing. Not necessary to actually care all that much, but I doubt it’d work with a complete stranger (tho it might on occasion). Then this person must NOT fake the interest. Your brain will not buy that bs unless it’s real, you’re likely too smart for that. And it must be emotional kind of desire for you to get that thing done — the one that you probably lack. Just rational “yeah dude, you should really get to study asap” won’t work for sure — you can tell that to yourself a million times and it won’t make a difference.

So, just give it a thought: is there someone who is actually interested in you doing your best in that college? Any of them is at least somewhat emotional kind of person? Any of the above cares enough for you to actually invest their own time and effort into literally dragging you through this on a fuel of their own motivation?

Because that’s a hard, exhausting work to keep a schizoid from being useless piece of human flesh and making them actually use their potential without wasting. A mom or dad might be that person, if you have them and they aren’t assholes. Or maybe some other relative, or that one close friend you might have (some schizoids do, at least). If that’s the case, you can just explain it to them plain and simple.

That it’s either they help you this way, or it’s probably gonna end with lots of failures. If not, well… you’re on your own then. Yay for schizoid dream. ^_^ But srsly tho, it’s hard when you’re not yet mature enough, even for a schizoid.

You can also ask folks on our discord — other schizoids might have different tips (there’s even a separate channels for schizoid motivation and lifehacks). And of course, will reblog anything on this subject from you guys, or alternatively you can just toss it in my inbox.

#actuallyschizoid #szpd #schizoid #motivation #emotions #Anonymous

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